Online Support....Can it make things worse?

[[KR...]]

Xana...Sorry about your lack of privacy. I went through the privacy issue as well with this site. Not really their fault. But if someone knows your screen name they can log onto Benzobuddies and read all your posts without being a member. Found that out the hard way. I use to to have a different screen name with hundreds of posts under it. Not anymore. I deleted all of them. I contacted Admin and created the new me. They were really helpfull when it came to this situation. As you can see from when I opened this new account I don't post a whole hell of alot. Sort of been there done that. I let the people I knew that I was close to on here know what was up and that was that. I keep in touch with them through other means as well and I'm gratefull for that. I mean the PM's were down at one point. Now that chat is down as well. Sort of forces you to resort to other means of getting your support. Hopefully good positive support. I know they said when PM and chat were down it forced people to seek support through the forum. But everyone might not be in a place in their withdrawl to take in all the info that is posted to their thread. Sometimes its not what you want to hear. But your stuck with it all because you laid yourself out there for everyone to chime in on. Some like it. Others don't. I use to do it all the time under the old me. Especially when I first got out of detox. I was posting severely desperate messages for help. I was SUPER bad. I'm sort of glad looking back that there all gone and theres no history of them. Looking back on what I was writing would scare the hell out of me right now. It would remind me of things that I don't want to remember ever again. I'm trying really hard to stay in the moment and keep looking straight ahead. The past is a hard thing to look back on for me. The pain and suffering i went through coming of these pills the way I did has been nothing short of horrific. You don't need hundreds of people on line to get you through this mess and remind you that your going to be OK. You just need a few good ones that wont tire out until you've reached the finish line. I hope you met a few of them.

 

Kian... Whats up my man. I'm so sorry about your Dilantin deal. Those anti seizure meds are a mother. When I was in detox and they C/T'd me off the benzos they used a few of them on me to prevent seizures and withdrawl symptoms. Ya right. Just totally jacked me up. Like 230 mgs of phenobarbital a DAY. Yikes!!! No joke. 300 mgs of Lyrica after the pheno. And then some Gabapentin in there somewhere as well. What a hell ride that was. I'm not joking you when I tell you I didn't think I would live through it. I thought I was going to die. And I'm not just saying that. The withdrawl symptoms were so sever its really unexplainable. And here i payed someone to do this to me. Talk about self guilt. Anyways Im off all that siezure med crap and it SUCKED coming off it. Talk about making symptoms worse. So give yourself some props for doing it to. That stuff hurts like hell to detox from. The reason I'm telling you this is because I see in your post in this thread you say "Regardless of the outcome of the end of my benzo journey (good or bad) when it is all over, I know that even if it has a bad ending, that whatever people did from their hearts to try to make a difference in someone elses journey was well worth it." Boy that sounded like me. I was like if I die at least I tried to help someone. But then I had a friend on here that told me that's BS. Your not going to die. It would of already happened. Youve come way to far for that deal. Even if you have intrusive thoughts about it all the time. And I DID!!!!!!!! They were the worst. Still deal with that crap. But the truth is your going to taper off the K and make it through your withdrawls and that will be that. Don't ask me how your going to do it. Because I ask myself this question all the time. And I bug the hell out of some other people with this queation as well. How,? How? How? How did you make it through?? But its some inner will you have that will prevail. I was upset to here about the passing of the former member on here. I think it should of been kept from us fragile people. But it sort of scared me in a good way now that i look at it. I'm like 'Screw that crap!!! I'm not going down like that!! I'm not going to die!!" And I mean it. It really hit home. I want to live. No matter what. This nightmare is temporary. Death is permanent!! People do get through this. Ive talked to some of the worst of them. And theve healed. Keep close to some real good support. Its so important to surround yourself with good positive things right now. You HAVE to keep away from all the negative BS you can. It makes the hopelessness and despair 100x worse while your in the position that you are. Im not out of the woods yet. But I do listen to the people that ARE that tell me if Im F'ing up or not with my actions and thoughts. Keep it real man. Sorry about typos ect. Im on my cell phone.

 

Rock

[[...]]

KRock,

 

Thanks for the reply.  You are kind.  I am encouraged by your posts. 

 

Right now is one of those times when I want to really share my heart about all this, but I just don't have any peace about it.  I'm going to let it go.  I think that is one thing that benzos make it harder for us to do............to let go .............to let go of the past........and look forward.....and not back.  Thanks again KRock.

 

Kian

 

[[te...]]

Descriptions, however good, bad or ugly, BB is my lifeline! Have developed and continue to develop compassion, understanding, and hope through the people here.

With sincerity,

T2

[[sp...]]

From my own use of support forums, I have come to the conclusion that there are several different things that come out of them. I don't think my ideas here are really amazing, they seem to be shared by others in this thread, but since I've spent so much time thinking about them I'm going to reiterate them if y'all will indulge me.

 

1) "I am not alone, and I am not crazy". This is one of the positive things I have gotten out of support forums. The first psychiatrists I saw did not understand that some of my physiological symptoms could be related to benzodiazepines, and would have withdrawn me from them in a traumatic way. The internet empowered me to understand that what I am experiencing is not unusual and rarely permanent.

 

2) "Other people have survived similar experiences and gone on to lead happy and productive lives". This is another positive, because it gives me concrete examples of people who have gone through similar hell states and come out on top.

 

3) "There are other people out there who are much worse off than I am". This one is a mixed blessing for me. On the one hand, it's useful to remember that I'm working, functional and self-sufficient. On the other, this can lead to #4 below.

 

4) "There are a lot of symptoms that are common that I haven't experienced. When am I going to experience those? How screwed am I?" This is one heck of a big negative. My first experience like this with support forums was after my traumatic high school LSD experiences, and I was having severe and constant visual distortions which are referred to in the DSM as Hallucinogen Persisting Perceptual Disorder. I started reading an HPPD forum and found out that many people who have HPPD also have tinnitus. I had never heard of tinnitus prior to that. I started being hyper-vigilant about my hearing in a way that I never had before, and lo and behold I developed tinnitus within a very short time.

 

5) "There are people who have experienced things as terrible as I am experiencing who have never recovered even after months or years". This is another big negative for me because it leads me further down the road of obsessive worry and fear. It seems likey to me that a good number of people who have some condition (benzo withdrawal, HPPD, whatever) and recover from it completely and happily stop posting on support forums since they are no longer afflicted, so it also seems likely to me that worst-case scenarios are disproportionally represented in online support communities. It is critical for me to remember that whatever I read here, it's not me. Even if someone else seems at a glance to be in 100% the same situation I am in, they are not me, their pain is not my pain, and the path they need to walk towards wellness (or not) is not my path.

 

6) "I am not a doctor, and neither is anyone else here."  It's painfully obvious that many licensed medical practitioners have a poor understanding of some aspects of their job, just as I do not have anything like complete mastery of the field I work in myself. You can get bad medical advice from doctors, and you can get good medical advice from the internet. When you have are interacting with a population of people who have been blind sided by this, it's very easy to become incredulous of all doctors. However, I do not believe this makes it a good idea to become your own doctor and use the internet as an authoritative source of information. If what you have found out online leads you to believe that your doctor is ignorant to what you are experiencing, I think that the correct thing to do is use that as motivation to ditch the doctor and find another one, and not to rely on people with no medical training to provide medical advice. I have a much better understanding than the average layperson of pharmacokinetics, receptor affinity, the complex interplay that happens between various neurotransmitters, etc. I did not study this stuff in school (I studied computer science). If I know more than your psychiatrist does about benzodiazepines, that just means that your psychiatrist is bad at their job, and not that you should be taking my advice on personal psychiatric decisions.

 

In summary, I do not feel that online support forums are either positive or negative overall. I feel that it is up to each person to come to their own conclusions on these matters, and that some people benefit from the positive information these communities and other people dwell on the negative. We are in an unprecedented situation in human history as far as the ease to which information can be communicated, and it is easy to find this incredibly overwhelming. If you start to shine a flashlight around darker corners of the internet, it's not hard to find examples of online communities largely comprised of people who are engaging in personally and socially damaging behavior, and being able to communicate with each other so easily allows them to continue to justify incorrect decision making. The best example of this from my personal experience is a forum full of drug users which I have frequented on and off for a long time. To someone who is not a drug addict, the idea of ordering illicit narcotics through the mail system and then spending all day anxious hoping that the postman comes before the withdrawal sets in sounds insane and dangerous, but if you are someone who engages in such behavior and are easily able to go someplace where other people's response to it is "yeah, I'm in the same boat, this sucks, the tracking number said it would be here by 3pm" then it can help you rationalize your own insanity. There is a stark contrast between forums that revolve around obviously harmful behaviors like drug abuse, and forums which revolve around recovery from and getting through hard times -- but that does not mean that the same liabilities don't come in to play.

[[Co...]]

I have found reading this thread very refreshing. The question posed has been bothering me for some time.

 

It is great that such discussion is 'allowed' here, as I come from a place where it certainly would have been frowned upon (I think) and people would have been getting PMs.

 

Hello Xana,

 

Absolutely, this is a valid topic for discussion, especially on the 'Chewing the Fat' board. Nearly any topic can be discussed at BB, so long as comments are respectful towards other members, and adopt a non-prescriptive tone.

 

This was an opportune time for me as I have decided to leave BB for many of the reasons people have discussed. For example:

 

1. Lack of privacy - some of my posts from my old forum were put on the Cesspool site. I now check THAT daily and find things I have seen posted here only hours before. I dread the day I see mine. I changed my user name when I joined BB but someone outed me (not in any malicious way!) Holly's death was a shock to me and while I understand that her family was fine with the publicity I wonder if they know it is plastered all over 'that site'. I had spoken to her a couple of times and some of her medical history (not psychiatric) had similarities to mine so I was very upset (in a selfish way, I guess). I started thinking of all the 'what ifs'.

 

Privacy is relative. Most forums are open to the public on a read-only basis - we are completely ordinary in this regard. To be clear as possible: we do not own the content you post to this community. You simply license your content to us. This means - 'fair use' principles excepted - that if someone else uses the content you post here elsewhere, without your express permission, they have breached copyright. You can complain to the webhost of the website, or you can take legal steps to have the content removed, or you might even claim compensation. In certain circumstances, the theft and/or manipulation of content might even constitute a crime. Legal steps might not be worth it (for breach of copyright), but complaining to the webhost might work. Be careful of the contact information you supply to the webhost - it seems that they sometimes simply forward your complaint, with contact details, to the owner of the website!

 

Members should create anonymous accounts with BenzoBuddies, and not share their real-world details and identities with other members. This way, only your BB persona might be 'compromised'. We constantly warn members about this, but some have poo-pooed our warnings in the past - that our warnings were 'an overreaction'. We no longer receive complaints that we might be overreacting, as events have proved our warnings to be totally justified.

 

2. I believe I have a process addiction to the computer which is mentally and physically unhealthy. I cycle through email, Facebook and BB for hours on end. I will no doubt suffer withdrawal when I finish as my online friends from the other forum are here and I feel like I know them.

 

Understood. This sounds like a good reason to get away. I can understand that this can happen - it probably occurs to some members of just about every online community out there. I agree that you should get away from here. If things change, and you feel you would benefit from some online support, you can always rejoin us.

 

3. I am unwell and depressed. I feel better if I make myself go out into the real world (despite the anxiety) but am more comfortable sitting here in my mess, clacking away as it is my major area of communication. My home is a shambles and I can't seem to force myself to do anything about it. This is a stress in itself. Advice from faceless people is sometimes misleading for reasons others have mentioned above.

 

Certainly you should interact in the real world. And, if you feel being online is a hindrance, it probably is a hindrance for you. If you feel up to tackling some things you have let go - then go and do them instead of being here! I think you will find that although your online friends are sad to see you go, they will be happy for you. Maybe, one day, when you are better, you might come back to let them know. Certainly, other members have done this.

 

4. I think my relationship with my husband (who is in early retirement) is dwindling away as we live like 2 single people in a way. We love each other but this withdrawal has been a big strain on him as well as me. (Plus the effects of my ill health for many years before this.)

 

You are lucky to have a close loving relationship and such support. Very many of our members do not. Either they live alone, or their families are not very supportive. It is not like this for all members, of course, but a lot of them find that only others going through the same thing can properly appreciate their difficulties.

 

I have had my blog removed and I feel kind of sad. I looked at Benzo Exodus last night but it seems rather small (where BB is a bit big for me!) and I was shocked to see Mike59 there, posting like a meek little lamb! So I don't have a clue of what's going on there!

 

The owner of BE operates in tandem with Mike59. She denied it for a long time, but she has been posting openly at his blog the past few weeks, and now admits to a long association. I cannot explain why she would do this.

 

I really want to change my life, even if I am not yet stable (at 2.5mg Valium - down from 4-5mg Xanax =80-100mg Valium - less than 10mths ago - psychiatrist guided).

 

You've gone most of the way! Many of our members (usually those who follow a sensible and controlled taper plan) find they improve as they taper. Some members post that recovery is very slow, lasting months or more after their last dose, but this is their individual experience. Again and again, I've witnessed great improvement in members during their taper - I suspect this is the case with you too.

 

I am hoping this first step will help. Opinions welcome!

 

Xana (Golden Haired Poster Girl for Xanax No More)

 

Why not go for it! It is not the end of the world if you later change your mind. You will not be able take up your deleted account, but you can rejoin.

 

Whatever your final decision, good luck. I think you will be fine.

 

Colin.

[[Ho...]]

Great thread, great discussions and intelligent, helpful responses.  I have been on BB for well over a year now and sometimes it has helped me, met a lot of wonderful, supportive people and found out that I was not alone in what I was dealing with.

It also has hurt me in some ways as I would read some of the stories and just go crazy....and so I have found that I must limit my time here.  And I do.  I come around maybe once a week or less to check on some folks and to read the success stories which are so very important to all of us.  HOPE is what we all need so badly and the SuccessStories give that to us.  I am

greatful for BB, absolutely, but we do need to know when enough is enough..... all points brought up on this thread are valid and I thank you all for your comments. 

Love and Healing to all of us

Hoping2BFree

[Guest [...]]

KRock: Thank you for your understanding response. I am so sorry that you had to deal with all that stuff with regard to lack of privacy with your account. I believe we are all feel so much more vulnerable during this hard time so that makes it even worse. The normal me is no shrinking violet but at the moment I am extremely sensitive about everything. I am glad you had a group of people who saw you through this.

 

I am also glad you raised this topic as I know it is something a few people are concerned about. (Of course, someone else has picked up on it as well, if you get my drift.) You sound like a very caring person and now I am sorry that I am not going to get to know you.

 

In fact I am sorry I am not going to get to know all the thoughtful people who have responded to this topic.

 

Colin: Thank you very much for going to the trouble of answering my post so thoroughly and thoughtfully.

 

I am glad that you have not found such discussion inappropriate. I have always thought that a 'forum' should be the venue for voicing of opinions - not having to follow the party line.

 

Thank you for giving me the time to mull over my decision to leave at the moment, say goodbye to friends and also give them my reasons for leaving. This would not have been allowed at another forum!

 

I have read through all the points you made about each of my concerns. They are sensible and supportive. You have also made me feel like it will be OK to come back. I appreciate that. I never wanted anyone to think I was going away in a huff. I have enjoyed the non judgemental attitude and freedom of speech displayed here on BenzoBuddies and it is a refreshing change.

 

When I (hopefully) recover I would be delighted to come back and tell my story. Thank you so much for the offer. While 2.5 mg Valium sounds so low (from my 4-5mg Xanax less than 10 months ago) it feels pretty bad still. I am not really coping and have resorted to using 1/2 mg Xanax occasionally, when I hadn't touched it for so long. Sometimes I just want to do something difficult for me and that is the only way. I feel weak and a cheat but I don't want to miss out on life either. Another thing I have to work hard on.

 

I have no doubt that I am going to be hanging around like a kid that has finished school, checking on the people I have been talking to for many months (especially when I start on my mission to sort out my disgusting house - it will be a welcome diversion!) I will have to try to be strong!!!!!

 

Thanks for the heads up on BE!!

 

I am going to copy this whole thread so I can refer back to it. There is alot of wisdom here!

 

Thanks to all!

 

Xana

[[Co...]]

Xana,

 

Thank you for your response and kind words. Again, good luck.

 

Members quite often misunderstand our approach (often because they come from other benzo forums of a different flavour). As I wrote in my last post, nearly any topic can be discussed here, so long as members adopt a respectful and non-prescriptive tone. Members are free to discuss the shortcomings in their own medical care, so long as they do not spread general anti-doctor, anti-psychiatry, or anti-medicine propaganda (these things are detailed in our policy documents). So, there are some limits, but mostly about writing style; not so much about content, except where it might directly negatively impact other members.

 

I've just been told that I made several typos in my last post - I was in a rush. I'll correct them now. I trust though, everyone understood what I meant. I will also try to address some other points raised in this thread.

 

Thanks, Xana,

 

Colin.

[[Co...]]

I tend to agree that coming here too often can lead to being obsessive about withdrawal symptoms. This forum can get addictive and that's not always a good thing. After the death of someone here on this forum (that we are not supposed to talk about) recently, I feel that I am going to take a little break from posting and reading here too. I am trying to stay in a positive frame of mind now and reading horror stories and how awful everyone is feeling everyday can tend to turn things in not so positive of a direction. I'll check in from time to time but I need a little break to focus on things non-benzo w/d related.

 

cav500... Its funny you posted what you did because I was thinking the same thing when it came to the death of the fellow member of this forum. How funny it is that they don't want us talking about it yet they announce and post the obituary on this site for all to see. They did what they called "confirming the death." Somethings are better left unsaid when it comes to people dieing on a support group. I mean as if we all don't think that something bad is going to happen to us anyways. And here they come and throw it right in our face. It should have been handled a different way in my opinion. But hey, who am I. If this was an AIDS support group I'm sure they wouldn't be announcing all the people who recently died of AIDS across their boards. I mean it would scare the hell out of everyone with it and make them think their next. This was a true tragedy. I wish it had been kept from me so I wouldn't keep thinking about her face on her avatar. It has really thrown me for a loop. Talk about reading something on line thats not real postive. I know for a fact the other day I didnt log on here looking for support only to end up reading about death. Geez guys. Come on.

 

cav500 and Krock, and others that have expressed some misgivings about not being able to discuss this subject. I am not unsympathetic to your wish to discuss related issues to Holly's death, but, right now, I am more sympathetic towards the feeling of Holly's family. Her husband is visiting this forum using Holly's account. We do not know the circumstances of Holly's death, but she had been in hospital for several days up to the day before she died. I also note that there have been some very ill-judged comments posted to Holly's blog (since moved). This is just the wrong time for such a discussion - we should show due respect to Holly's nearest and dearest. I also suggest, that it is not a good time for members to discuss these issue, when feelings are running so high.

 

I've already dealt with this issue, but those of you that did not read my post, I direct you here:

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=48016.msg648960#msg648960

 

Please read the entire linked thread. As I said, feelings are running high - this is the wrong time fo this discussion. And, please note, I made it clear in the linked post that these issues might be discussed later - I suggested leaving it for a month.

 

Thanks,

 

Colin.

[[Ho...]]

If I had never found online support forums, I would be back on benzos, or worse! There's no way I would have thought it was benzo withdrawal past 6 months out.

[[KR...]]

Colin. Thanks for stopping by and clarifying some things. I guess when I started this thread I wasn't sure how it was going to over. Both with members and Admin. I wanted people to know that things they read into online while in withdrawl can make an already bad situation worse even if they cant see it happening. While in withdrawl we tend to gravitate towards people like ourselves. And this site certainly has alot of those. But while in withdrawl we already lack better judgement and wisdom and this is where the problem starts. Sometimes we tend to stop focusing on ourselves and and start involving ourselves in other peoples dilemmas. You cant help but to care for the many people here that reach out for help with no where to go. Its truly heartwrenching to say the least. I was one of those people at one point. But I also came to a point that I saw how I was effecting others people lives with my posts. I'm sure it was scary for others to read what I was going through on a day to day basis with my OLD screen name. I was truly a mess to say the least. What I was posting about my current situation could throw another member into a tail spin just based on the fact they think what I going through could happen to them next. And so the cycle starts. Which is something that people should be wary of while going through this process. Everyone one is different so they should try not to personalize. Easier said than done. People should know to shelter themselves from certain subject matter and topic lines while they are extremely vulnerable in certain phases of withdrawl. Almost like a "Warning Sign" should be posted about the following content you are about to read may effect you in a negative way based on your current situation on certain boards on here. This doesn't mean plenty of people who are alot healthier wouldn't be posting to those boards for all in need. Because I'm sure they would. And they should. But once you start reading some of the topic lines that certain people are going through. And you get attached to them as a friend. Its something you carry around with you and worry about on daily basis. This site has a TON of positive things that people can draw from it. You just need to look for it. It's THERE. You can also meet some of the best people that you've ever met in your life on this site as well. But at the same time there is alot of stuff on here that effects people in a negative manner and how they look at their current situation. If you keep reading something over and over you will start believing it sooner or later. Now this goes both ways with Good and Bad info. If I hear I'm going to heal enough times I become a believer. But if I read enough Doom and Gloom I'm sure my outlook will be a whole lot different. At the end of the day we ALL heal and that's that. But I would rather the take the path of Hope than Hopelessness while I'm going through it. I know people say to use your own better judgement while reading certain content online. But better judgement is something we all lack while going through this process. You have been VERY good on this thread to point out that when things online start effecting the way you function in your normal life that you should move on and regain control. That's very true. Because the fall out of what you have to deal with when this is over will be waiting for you when you heal. And we all want to minimize as much of that as possible. You run a great site with alot of Good info. I'm sure you never imagined it would get as big as it is and you would be dealing with the problems that you do. I hope people can draw all the positives from it and steer clear of anything that will effect them in a negative manner. I know this is not something you or the Admins can control or would ever do to someone on purpose. That's just Silly to think that. It just is what it is.

 

Take Care, KRock

[[sp...]]

Colin. Thanks for stopping by and clarifying some things. I guess when I started this thread I wasn't sure how it was going to over. Both with members and Admin. I wanted people to know that things they read into online while in withdrawl can make an already bad situation worse even if they cant see it happening. While in withdrawl we tend to gravitate towards people like ourselves.

 

I think this actually has less to do with benzo withdrawal than it does with basic human existence. In any situation we are in, most (all) of what we are actually seeing and experiencing is really ourselves being projected on to the situation, but it's incredibly difficult to be aware of this at the time. Benzo withdrawal is just dumping more crud on top of that and making it that much harder to have anything like objective clarity.

 

Great thread, and I was also happy to see the reception here. This is something I've thought about a lot, but I would have been hesitant to post this myself because I've definitely been part of communities where there would have been an immediate groupthink backlash against it. What that tells me, is that BB is a much healthier community than some others. Anytime someone is so set in their ways and sure of themselves that they respond to dissenting or unpopular opinions by trying to silence them, it should set off big alarm bells. Feelings and opinions that are valid and rational can withstand a huge amount of external scrutiny and challenge, and so there should never be cause for a rational person to need to censor dissent. At a core level, I believe that is the purpose of the First Amendment to the US constitution which enshrines the sanctity of personal opinion and belief at a Federal level.

[[KR...]]

Spengler..... Your wording and insight on this matter is spot on. Ive enjoyed reading your comments. I'm glad you feel your at a forum where you can express your feelings on different subject matter wether good or bad. Its the way it should be. Withdrawl is a serious matter and having peoples rational comments censored would be wrong on many levels. I'm glad I was never a part of any support community like that. Ive always pretty much just laid it out on how I've felt about things during this process. Ive never tried to hurt anyone in the process although I have let a few people get under my skin early on. Probably a mixture of two differnt people being in two differnet frames of minds during this. No biggie. I learned from it and many other things along the way. A friend of mine told me the further you progress through withdrawl. The clearer things will get with your surroundings with what is right and what is wrong. Makes sense. You start to realize what you need to do to get to the finish line. And what things might be standing in your way. This may be cause for many members to just disappear without a trace with no rhythm or reason. People start to realize that this is not reality. Its a cyber support system that served them during a specific time of need and that's that. It did what it was suppose to do for them. It got them through a very troubling time in their life that I'm sure they would rather forget about. And I hope they do!!!! Sort of a shame more of them don't come back to leave a success story on how life's treating them. It could help current members out alot. But hey, as long as lifes treating them good. Who cares. They've been through enough. Good luck with the rest of you taper. You seem to have a grip on what your doing.

 

Rock

[[Co...]]

Colin. Thanks for stopping by and clarifying some things. I guess when I started this thread I wasn't sure how it was going to over. Both with members and Admin. I wanted people to know that things they read into online while in withdrawl can make an already bad situation worse even if they cant see it happening.

 

Hello Krock,

 

I do try - whenever I come across good opportunities - to explain that members can discuss nearly any subject they wish at BB. Writing style is quite heavily codified; content, much less so! I think the guidelines explain what is expected quite well, but I can understand that there can be some inertia to reading through them. It is more common for forums to concentrate upon rules about content, and less about style; the emphasis here is opposite to that of most forums. I accept that what we expect might be counterintuitive to some, especially if they have come here from a support forum run with a different philosophical outlook.

 

While in withdrawl we tend to gravitate towards people like ourselves. And this site certainly has alot of those. But while in withdrawl we already lack better judgement and wisdom and this is where the problem starts. Sometimes we tend to stop focusing on ourselves and and start involving ourselves in other peoples dilemmas. You cant help but to care for the many people here that reach out for help with no where to go. Its truly heartwrenching to say the least. I was one of those people at one point. But I also came to a point that I saw how I was effecting others people lives with my posts. I'm sure it was scary for others to read what I was going through on a day to day basis with my OLD screen name. I was truly a mess to say the least. What I was posting about my current situation could throw another member into a tail spin just based on the fact they think what I going through could happen to them next. And so the cycle starts. Which is something that people should be wary of while going through this process. Everyone one is different so they should try not to personalize. Easier said than done. People should know to shelter themselves from certain subject matter and topic lines while they are extremely vulnerable in certain phases of withdrawl. Almost like a "Warning Sign" should be posted about the following content you are about to read may effect you in a negative way based on your current situation on certain boards on here. This doesn't mean plenty of people who are alot healthier wouldn't be posting to those boards for all in need. Because I'm sure they would. And they should. But once you start reading some of the topic lines that certain people are going through. And you get attached to them as a friend. Its something you carry around with you and worry about on daily basis. This site has a TON of positive things that people can draw from it. You just need to look for it. It's THERE. You can also meet some of the best people that you've ever met in your life on this site as well. But at the same time there is alot of stuff on here that effects people in a negative manner and how they look at their current situation. If you keep reading something over and over you will start believing it sooner or later. Now this goes both ways with Good and Bad info. If I hear I'm going to heal enough times I become a believer. But if I read enough Doom and Gloom I'm sure my outlook will be a whole lot different. At the end of the day we ALL heal and that's that. But I would rather the take the path of Hope than Hopelessness while I'm going through it. I know people say to use your own better judgement while reading certain content online. But better judgement is something we all lack while going through this process.

 

What our detractors seem to (deliberately) misunderstand is that we (like all online communities) are a self-selecting group. This means that our membership will not reflect wider society, or even the wider benzodiazepine-user community. Only those that feel they might benefit from being a member or have something useful to contribute will join BenzoBuddies. So, our members tend to be quite motivated, but sometimes in widely differing ways. Some need a platform to vent (as many are truly disappointed in the medical care they have received), and/or they find it difficult to control their anger as a direct use of or withdrawal from benzodiazepines. It is interesting to see how so many of these members change over the weeks and months they participate here. Some are shocked (with hindsight) to find that they progress from being anxious and/or angry to very balanced, supportive, old-hands, helping new members, and sometimes as a member of the team (I know, because they have told me).

 

Of course, some people struggle more, and recovery for them can take longer. But, it must be remembered that those who struggle more will tend to be the loudest, and several members who recover more quickly can come and go for each protracted case of recovery. This can create a very distorted view of what constitutes an average member.

 

Of course people will tend, as you said, to gravitate to like-minded individuals. I would hope, though, those with a more optimistic demeanor, whether or not they are largely recovered, will endeavour to interact with those who are feeling more oppressed by their withdrawal and situation.

 

You have been VERY good on this thread to point out that when things online start effecting the way you function in your normal life that you should move on and regain control. That's very true. Because the fall out of what you have to deal with when this is over will be waiting for you when you heal. And we all want to minimize as much of that as possible. You run a great site with alot of Good info. I'm sure you never imagined it would get as big as it is and you would be dealing with the problems that you do. I hope people can draw all the positives from it and steer clear of anything that will effect them in a negative manner. I know this is not something you or the Admins can control or would ever do to someone on purpose. That's just Silly to think that. It just is what it is.

 

Take Care, KRock

 

Few, if any of our members stick around here for years seeking 'support'. Virtually all our old hands are recovered and either stay to 'pay it forward' helping those following behind them, or pop in occasionally - on a more social basis - to catch up with old friends, having moved on in their lives. Of course, a few struggle for longer, or decide to not quit benzos, and they continue to receive support when they need it - most of this group too stop frequenting the forum as often. You see, 'success' does not necessarily mean 'quitting benzos' - it is about finding a new and better equilibrium that works for the individual member. Of course BenzoBuddies' primary function is to help people that wish to quit benzodiazepines, but it is not required to taper/quit, nor be actively seeking to be benzo-free to be a member of this community. This is why the Mission Statement makes clear that we are 'not an anti-benzodiazepine website'. Members look to find solutions to their problems, and different solutions will be applicable to individual members.

 

I accept that joining this forum is not the best option for all people seeking or thinking about quitting benzodiazepines. It is for the individual to decide (in consultation with a doctor) if they should quit benzos; and if they decide to quit benzos, to determine if an online support forum is a good choice for them. Some might choose to 'lurk' for help, information and support, and never join (one of the reasons we are an open forum); some might join, and never actually post (but most at least introduce themselves); some make a few posts looking for help with a specific problem; and others end up being very active, posting hundreds or even a few thousand posts during their stay here. Different members (and guests) will benefit in different ways, and it's all good. If we are not a good fit for an individual, only they can and should determine this.

 

You are correct, I never imagined BenzoBuddies would be anything like as large as this. We started off as a small members-only group, looking to provide support with a different philosophy to what was available elsewhere. Like the other benzo-withdrawal support groups at the time, we were a members-only forum. But then, in early March 2007, we decided to open up the forum to guests. As far as I know, all previous (English-speaking, at least) benzo forums had been members-only too - we had just followed in their footsteps, as this was our experience. Switching to an open forum did change the atmosphere somewhat, but it enabled us to reach far more people. For a forum to flourish, it needs a minimum amount of activity to attract new members to replace the ones that move on. And, actually, I think the change in atmosphere was for the better - it made BB a more vibrant and varied community, with a wider wealth of experience and knowledge.

 

I think I've gone a little off-topic.

 

Edit: Clarifications, rephrasings, and typos.

[[In...]]

I've gotten tons of great technical info from BB, and also some good websites for ordering titrating supplies.

 

I've been a fairly active person, busy, working, reading. Since I figured out that I was actually experiencing w/d sx from my failed taper from Xanax, I have become somewhat dependent on BB. So I know that I spend too much time on BB and can get really caught up in all this. My computer is downstairs, but I ended up with an iPad so I'm just on more than I ordinarily would be. And it's not mentally healthy to be on constantly or checking a lot. But it's easy and sometimes I do.

 

Overall I know I'm worried about myself and this site is a way to deal with that. It doesn't make the sx worse for me. The drug, the  attempted crossover to K that failed for me, and some decisions I have made are what makes " things" worse.

 

I do agree there's a fair amount of drama from time to time here, but I have also been dramatic; something I generally don't do in "real life." And I have to agree that reading about the lengthy healing times or lack of healing is scary and worrying. But it's just the truth. So if I can't take it, then I won't read it. I also get worried about making it off Xanax cause I read a lot that it's too powerful to get off of and I should just get a "benzowise doc and read the Ashton manual." But that's easier said than done. So whatever the facts  are is what they turn out to be.

 

I'm an adult, and this online stuff is definitely not making my real life w/d worse. My body and the way it is reacting is the problem. It would still be me if BB didn't exist.

 

Intend

[Guest [...]]

Hi Colin,

 

Thanks for that long post. It has made alot of things clearer to me.

 

I think it is very good that you support people who have decided to stay on benzos and don't come down on them to quit at all costs. (And that you allow them to stay as members.) I believe that is a wrong thing to do but it has been practised elsewhere. Once that dogma is entrenched, some members seem to 'follow the leader', nagging all to follow the same path. As you have pointed out, we are all different.

 

This thread has made me want to stay at Benzobuddies as I can see you are a real 'forum' that allows differences of opinion.

 

I am going to read through your post again.

 

Xana

[[jo...]]

I've gotten tons of great technical info from BB, and also some good websites for ordering titrating supplies.

 

I've been a fairly active person, busy, working, reading. Since I figured out that I was actually experiencing w/d sx from my failed taper from Xanax, I have become somewhat dependent on BB. So I know that I spend too much time on BB and can get really caught up in all this. My computer is downstairs, but I ended up with an iPad so I'm just on more than I ordinarily would be. And it's not mentally healthy to be on constantly or checking a lot. But it's easy and sometimes I do.

 

Overall I know I'm worried about myself and this site is a way to deal with that. It doesn't make the sx worse for me. The drug, the  attempted crossover to K that failed for me, and some decisions I have made are what makes " things" worse.

 

I do agree there's a fair amount of drama from time to time here, but I have also been dramatic; something I generally don't do in "real life." And I have to agree that reading about the lengthy healing times or lack of healing is scary and worrying. But it's just the truth. So if I can't take it, then I won't read it. I also get worried about making it off Xanax cause I read a lot that it's too powerful to get off of and I should just get a "benzowise doc and read the Ashton manual." But that's easier said than done. So whatever the facts  are is what they turn out to be.

 

I'm an adult, and this online stuff is definitely not making my real life w/d worse. My body and the way it is reacting is the problem. It would still be me if BB didn't exist.

 

Intend

Can you share those sources for tritation supplies?

Josephine

[[In...]]

Yes. Here they are.

 

[nobbc]www.thesciencefair.com[/nobbc]  AND

 

[nobbc]www.homesciencetools.com[/nobbc]

 

Both also have phone numbers so you can order over the phone if you prefer that ordering method.

 

Intend

[[Co...]]

Hi Intend to be off,

 

No biggie, but as per policy, I deactivated your links to commercial websites. The links are fine, but clickable links to such sites are not allowed.

 

Linking Guidelines

[[In...]]

Colin,

 

I was not aware that I posted any "clickable links" to the websites; in fact, I didn't realize that something like that showed up when I put those on there. I'm on an iPad at the moment; perhaps it looks different on a computer.

 

Nevertheless, I am happy to respect the guidelines. I'm not really sure how all this tech stuff works, but luckily you and others do.

 

If that were to happen again ( which would not be my intention), please know that I'm probably not as computer savvy as I would like to be. Thanks for taking care of that problem.

 

Intend

[[Ho...]]

Any links that are posted to the forum are clickable unless one of the BB team deactivates it, Intend. As Colin said, it's not biggie. If you want to post a link that has helpful information, feel free. You could contact one of the BB team members to deactivate it if we don't see it.

[[In...]]

Well,

 

Hope, thank you for that info. I actually got the websites here on BB myself and looked at them over the Internet. Then I did order from one of them. When I saw them, they were not "clickable," so I guess someone must have caught it or sent someone a PM to unclick the site.

 

In any event, if I ever give do that again, I will follow policy by sending a PM if that's what is required. I need to read your policy. I apologize. I'm having a true benzo moment here and things are not clicking for me no matter how it all is showing up on the Internet.

 

Intend

[[In...]]

Ok,

 

Admin Team. Just hit me. I should maybe have sent PM to those requesting info. That's probably best way to handle this.

 

Just having inspirational break in benzo moment. I think I've got it. Thanks for the help.

 

Intend

[[Co...]]

Any links that are posted to the forum are clickable unless one of the BB team deactivates it, Intend. As Colin said, it's not biggie. If you want to post a link that has helpful information, feel free. You could contact one of the BB team members to deactivate it if we don't see it.

 

Hi,

 

Actually, Hope, I explained in the linking guidelines how members might disable links for themselves. And, it would be appreciated if members, themselves, post unclickable links to commercial websites, as per our instructions here: http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=47440.msg642195#msg642195

 

However, no big deal if some of you are unsure of how disable links. Just contact the team and one of us will, as Hope suggested, disable the link for you.

[[Co...]]

Ok,

 

Admin Team. Just hit me. I should maybe have sent PM to those requesting info. That's probably best way to handle this.

 

Just having inspirational break in benzo moment. I think I've got it. Thanks for the help.

 

Intend

 

No. no, you can post links. Just read over the guidelines, but don't worry unduly about this.

 

Thanks.