Tapering off Ativan Support Thread

[[Om...]]

My advice would be to hold until you are stable. I don't know how long this would take. Perhaps Saga Laser or Kiddo could chime in?

[[Sa...]]

Truthfully I'm not sure what the definition of stable is...I suspect it's very normal to have sxs even before making cuts just like I did. These drugs are notorious for depression and the OCD may simply be part of it.

Your question Pete, just so I know, you felt different on the liquid from the pills am I right? So you're not liking the suspension because it feels different and you're not sure what to do? Sorry I'm not exactly clear on the question. I'll assume this is what you're asking. Maybe try holding a few more days. You could always make your own liquid if you're not liking the prepared suspension. Omni wrote a wonderful post how to do it yourself.

Of course if you believe it's just not working you have the option to go back to the pills. 

[[pe...]]

hi Guys

 

Thanks for getting back to me. I was getting waves of depression whilst on the pills. But after feeling like i was on speed when i crossed over to the suspension I am now constantly depressed. The worst depression I have ever experienced in 20 years- I suffer from ocd usually but i think i had a grip of it for a few weeks before i moved over to suspension.

 

I feel like i am findng difficult to hold it together- I'm going to see my doc and speak to pharmacist today.I have become really paranoid and overly conscious of what i say so not to offend - the latter could be ocd. Also i have feelings of guilt about things and feeling fatalistic which could also be ocd traits which are making me very depressed.

 

Thanks guys for your help.

 

 

[[ch...]]

Hello,

It's so hard to write when I'm feeling so bad.  Insomnia feels like it's going to kill me.  So little sleep for so many weeks now, and when I do sleep I wake up after an hour and that's it, or I wake a million times (it seems like) during that hour. I can barely function at all.

 

I'm having so much anxiety, and a lot of heart sx's  -- strong palpitations whenever I lie down.

 

The odd thing is that the depression seems to have lifted a little, despite these horrible feelings.

 

I'm taking only a tiny bit of ativan.  I was going to be off this week, but waiting until next week now. 

 

I feel so alone with this, and like it will never end, or that it will kill me, and scared what it is doing to my poor body.

 

 

[[Sa...]]

Charlotte I'm so sorry...I have to tell you virtually everything you're feeling is normal...going through WD has been the challenge of my life to this point. Nothing about this is easy as far as I'm concerned. The lack of sleep magnifies everything. I've been alternating Unisom and Benadryl to help with the sleep. Sometimes it works, sometimes not.

 

Everything you're feeling is normal. This is a very lonely experience even with all the support in the world. Our bodies are trying to adjust to the new levels of meds and they work very hard to normalize but it's simply a matter of time. Thinking it will never end is common...I just hit 3 months off, and I see a bit of improvement but not nearly what I'd hoped for. Again, this is normal. I'm working on blind faith and trust that eventually I will heal, and you will too. You can do this, even if you tell yourself you cannot. Just take it one day at a time

[[ch...]]

Thank you so much for your support, Saga.  I just never know what's what -- what's the benzos and what's PTSD.  Not that it probably matters at this point, or at all?

 

I've been doing a lot of reading on this site, looking at the threads about supplements, esp. magnesium, which I think I will try to see if it helps with heart sx's and sleep --mag. taurate.  In the meantime, I got some of the mg. oil -- transdermal.  Not that great feeling on the skin, but if it helps....

 

I want to be very careful adding anything, especially after my bad experience with ashwagandha.

 

 

[[...]]

I'm with you Charlotte on not knowing what's what - the benzo, the PTSD, the other meds, my complicated life situation. It does feel like a lonely place to be.

 

The sleep thing is very frustrating too, drives one to tears. Yesterday I stood on a street corner gazing into space for a long time. Again, my mind? the benzo? Bad sleep? Not being employed and being alone? Other? Sometimes I'm helped by melatonin, or by a Tylenol PM capsule for sleep.

 

Lately I'm plagued by clenching my jaw and teeth together. Weird. I'm at 0.68 mg ativan, roughly (breaking pills apart) but also recently started Prozac. I think I need a complete re-evaluation. The clenched mouth thing is weird. More depressed than ever and scared. Feel unable to interact in a real way with real people (an ongoing problem, this isolation). I can talk about it no end here or in emails but when it comes to being in the world, I can't do it.

 

 

[[ch...]]

NYC -- I've had the jaw clenching and grinding also.  It's gotten better recently.

 

I've wondered if it can be related to tardive dyskinesia that some psych meds cause.  If fact, at night a few times, I've had my jaw suddenly close, and severely bite my tongue  -- really startling and painful.  I think SSRIs can cause that also. 

 

It's hard to be going through so much, and to be doing it alone.  Your situation sounds difficult and I hope you can be gentle with yourself. 

 

I'm trying to give myself some leeway, and to take a vacation from all the judging thoughts that add misery to this misery.

 

 

[[La...]]

I'm with you Charlotte on not knowing what's what - the benzo, the PTSD, the other meds, my complicated life situation. It does feel like a lonely place to be.

 

The sleep thing is very frustrating too, drives one to tears. Yesterday I stood on a street corner gazing into space for a long time. Again, my mind? the benzo? Bad sleep? Not being employed and being alone? Other? Sometimes I'm helped by melatonin, or by a Tylenol PM capsule for sleep.

 

Lately I'm plagued by clenching my jaw and teeth together. Weird. I'm at 0.68 mg ativan, roughly (breaking pills apart) but also recently started Prozac. I think I need a complete re-evaluation. The clenched mouth thing is weird. More depressed than ever and scared. Feel unable to interact in a real way with real people (an ongoing problem, this isolation). I can talk about it no end here or in emails but when it comes to being in the world, I can't do it.

 

Clenched jaw/teeth grinding is often a way anxiety manifests itself. The voluminous anxiety we feel while tapering/recovering from benzos manifests in many ways. Seeking employment while on benzos can be too much for most to handle. Maybe for you too, but maybe not. Have you thought about investing your energies into getting back in the work force?  It might make you feel a little better to know that you are doing something demonstrable to improve this issue, even if your early efforts are focused on researching target markets/companies/jobs that align with your KSAs and then preparing your resume/applying accordingly.....all alone in the privacy/protection of your own home. The face to face interview of course takes this task to a whole other level, but it could be quite some time between the research/application process and the first face to face.

 

Many of us are one day away from getting a pink slip. Virtually NO JOB is guranteed (ok there are a few exceptions, but these only serve to define the rule).

[[...]]

Lately I'm plagued by clenching my jaw and teeth together. Weird. I'm at 0.68 mg ativan, roughly (breaking pills apart) but also recently started Prozac. I think I need a complete re-evaluation. The clenched mouth thing is weird. More depressed than ever and scared. Feel unable to interact in a real way with real people (an ongoing problem, this isolation). I can talk about it no end here or in emails but when it comes to being in the world, I can't do it.

 

I have the same type of thing, NYC.  I press my front teeth together and, as much as I've tried to train myself to stop, I cannot.  It does stop during sleep and when I lay down also.  I wear an occlusal guard and this stops it, but the minute I take it out I start again.  Maddening.

[[ch...]]

Hello,

This is such hell.  I've been virtually sleepless for more than 3 weeks now.  I feel crazed, and scared to go out or even talk to people because I am such a mess.  I keep trying to nap, and do the relaxation cd I've used for years, and can't do either.  It's like my mind is in a vise.  Then my thoughts just race around to the worst parts of my life, and all my fears and failures.  Nights are even worse.

 

I'm remembering 10 years ago when I did another taper, and could not maintain being off ativan.  I'm afraid I will fail again.  I went into this with more of an idea of how hard it could be, but I did not really remember.  How do people survive this sleepless state?  It puts me into the worst of a ptsd-state of desperation. 

 

Trying to remember a minute/hour/day at a time, but my head is so fuzzy and I am so dizzy....

 

 

[[Ki...]]

Charlotte - have you tried Unisom or Benedryl? Those have been very helpful for people on the board. You could also try the Insomnia Support Group. I'm sure they will have advice to help you get some sleep.

 

Sorry I couldn't be more help 

[[pe...]]

Hi

 

Since switching to suspension a few weeks ago, I have suicidal depression for the past week constanty during the day little or no rest-bite.

Along with new OCD symptoms. I'm wondering if the liquid is causing this? I really can't tolerate this much longer. I know in the long run the solution is the best option but my head is bonkers at the moment. Could it be that the suspension has something in it causing this depression?

 

Thanks

P

[[Ki...]]

Hi Pete,

 

I personally doubt that the suspension has anything to do with what your feeling. With that being said, nothing is a certainty. You could always go back to the tablets. I would be inclined to think this has more to do with your taper rate or the fact that "waves" can strike at anytime for no real reason other than your CNS struggling to get it right. I will tell you that I have had 2 different waves of suicidal depression during my taper and each time it lasted 3-4 weeks. I hadn't changed to suspension but I did have to slow down my taper.

 

This is the battle of your life, for your life. Please read the links regarding self-harm and if you are in danger or feel like acting on your negative thoughts PLEASE GET HELP!!! For me, both times it happened it was also coupled with OCD which makes me think this is a wave you are experiencing. Dig deep. Come here for support. Reach out and tell someone if things reach a breaking point.

 

We all heal. 

 

 

[[...]]

Charlotte and Pete I am in the same boat. Depressed out of my mind this week, out of all proportion; my vision feels narrowed to a tunnel. Sadder than ever before. Barely able to lift my feet. And yes, considering other therapy or even hospitalization if I begin suicidal ideation too much.

 

There are other factors that were pre-existing before this benzo storm, but the benzo is making it all worse (like some of you, complex ptsd, depression, unemployment) I believe. Trying in all areas to do one day at a time. I don't feel able to look for employment, or to be employed (except I do a limited amount of online teaching) so what do I do with my days when I feel completely apathetic and like nothing matters? Yes, try to be gentle on ourselves.

 

And I remain obsessed about dosage amounts. I guess I can applaud the fact that in July I was taking usually a minimum of 1mg/day and now I'm taking no more than 0.75. Seems like such tiny, insignificant amounts; horrifying its potency. Still chipping away at little white pill chips, which are inexact but all I can figure out right now.

 

 

[[Sa...]]

Charlotte I'm so sorry about the sleep...I know I mentioned rotating Unisom and Benadryl the other day. Kiddo mentioned the insomnia board perhaps they have some ideas as well.

 

You're not going to fail, you've forgotten how hard this is maybe, yes...you are so close to the end...I can appreciate how hard this is...yes, it is...VERY hard. All the other sxs are magnified with little sleep...just get yourself through the minutes when it's this hard. You really can do this, don't stop believing in yourself.

 

Pete please take Kiddos advice seriously about self harm...I'm not sure you've begun your taper yet, I know depression is a side effect to these drugs regardless. If you're still unhappy with the suspension then to back to the pills and see if it makes a difference. Maybe there is something to it...but please get some help if you're feeling this badly...

 

NYC good for you, you're looking at a positive about your dose. You're down from where you were...I know you're struggling with all of the life circumstances as well. Tapering and starting new meds at the same time is a balancing act. Add the life stressors and you have a lot on your plate. I hope you'll please consider help in any form if this all becomes too much for you. Tapering is hard enough without all the extras that are happening...

 

Saga

 

 

[[...]]

I have a non-sequitur as I do, often.  What do people do to distract themselves (when they are able) from this misery?

 

All I've got is netflix and smoking, and people magazine (I don't even know half the people in people magazine and it is total tripe, but it saved me 3 years ago).  Don't Judge Me

 

[[de...]]

Hi All,

First, it's been such an insight reading others problems and also the positive stories of the many who's now clean from this horrible drug....thank you!

 

At present my doctor has advised against both tapering off, and also changing to Diazepam. He's a good man, understands and knows me well...but thinks with my father being very unwell, alongside being out of work here in Spain, that I should just wait until the timing is better.

 

I am currently taking between 6.5mg up to 10mg depending on my mindset. The whole tapering off scenario scares the life out of me tbh. I've had one occasion now, where stupidly, I'd ran very low on my pills. It can be a nightmare here during fiestas and the many holidays they have where everything just closes...still, my fault for being thoughtless.

So, on this occasion where I'd had to wait for a farmacia to open the next morning, the virtually immediate withdrawal symptoms were just frightening.

Started with major anxiety...mainly brought on by knowing I'm almost out if meds. This was late in the afternoon and to cut a long and mostly un-memorable story short....within a few hours I was sweating, shaking and had uncontrollable body movements (kicking my legs about, chattering teeth and hallucinations) this went on all night, no chance of sleep, and as said, a lot if it I can't even remember.

Fortunately, my girlfriend was with me the whole time, otherwise I don't know what would of happened.

Has anyone else had a similar experience after just a few hours without medication?

Thank you

 

[[Sa...]]

I have a non-sequitur as I do, often.  What do people do to distract themselves (when they are able) from this misery?

 

All I've got is netflix and smoking, and people magazine (I don't even know half the people in people magazine and it is total tripe, but it saved me 3 years ago).  Don't Judge Me

 

 

Don't judge me either, you're one up with the magazine  oh June, I'm working but the rest of the time it's Netflix all the time...I know it's hard,  isn't it...I can't read print right now, so reading is a real issue, I'm still agoraphobic, so I feel best at home...I'm catching up on everything I've ever wanted to see for the last 10 years...and spending copious amounts of time here

[[Sa...]]

Hi All,

First, it's been such an insight reading others problems and also the positive stories of the many who's now clean from this horrible drug....thank you!

 

At present my doctor has advised against both tapering off, and also changing to Diazepam. He's a good man, understands and knows me well...but thinks with my father being very unwell, alongside being out of work here in Spain, that I should just wait until the timing is better.

 

I am currently taking between 6.5mg up to 10mg depending on my mindset. The whole tapering off scenario scares the life out of me tbh. I've had one occasion now, where stupidly, I'd ran very low on my pills. It can be a nightmare here during fiestas and the many holidays they have where everything just closes...still, my fault for being thoughtless.

So, on this occasion where I'd had to wait for a farmacia to open the next morning, the virtually immediate withdrawal symptoms were just frightening.

Started with major anxiety...mainly brought on by knowing I'm almost out if meds. This was late in the afternoon and to cut a long and mostly un-memorable story short....within a few hours I was sweating, shaking and had uncontrollable body movements (kicking my legs about, chattering teeth and hallucinations) this went on all night, no chance of sleep, and as said, a lot if it I can't even remember.

Fortunately, my girlfriend was with me the whole time, otherwise I don't know what would of happened.

Has anyone else had a similar experience after just a few hours without medication?

Thank you

 

 

Hi Delboy, welcome to the thread! I want to first say yes, I've had the experience of having sxs when I forgot to take my dose...crazy isn't it? Scary crazy I should say...and everything went away with my next dose...so yes, it's not abnormal at all to have that kind of experience.

 

I know this seems like a very daunting task. It is. I won't lie. It's simply the hardest thing I've ever done. But, and there is a big caveat, I'd do it all again in a heartbeat. I have no doubt that all the years of Ativan made me a very very sick woman. No one knew why...we all end up here in different circumstances. Mine was a lot of years searching for answers to the medical issues, which by the way are all gone now...I'm a perfectly healthy woman.

 

I think a lot of Drs are afraid of their patients tapering. I went a little crazy when I discovered what these meds were about and how they worked. I had no idea. So in my mind, once I found out and read the Ashton Manual, which I discovered first, I sat there totally gobsmacked. There was no way I'd stay on them after reading the Manual. Turns out, everything wrong with me medically was always the Ativan.

 

You are on a very large amount of Ativan. This is not impossible to come off. Yes, it is very stressful, but I felt in charge of my health for the first time in my adult life. I couldn't imagine staying on. So for me there was never a choice.

 

I'm not exactly certain if you have a question about tapering or you're just reading and learning about the various methods and options at this point in time. I understand your dr has an opinion, if you desire to taper and he is unwilling, you can devise your own plan and go at your own pace. Please keep asking questions and we will be happy to help any way we can.

 

Saga

 

 

 

 

[[...]]

Thank you Saga!  Netflix is a "saver" isn't it??  I couldn't read either for 2 years way before benzos; just in my own "first" hell with the breakdown. 

 

Can you not read because of the inability to focus b/c of anxiety or are you having vision problems??  Mine was about anxiety and tight mental anxious obsessive loops about ever recovering my Me-ness and getting my life back.

 

I still can't read an actual book; think that's cognitive weirdness, can't follow the plot.....Nice, right?  I guess a lot of us must struggle with that.  Yucky feeling!

 

You all are Amazing!!  So strong!!  Thank you

[[...]]

I'm also giving Saga and June a lot of RESPECT and love. You are great. The support here and sharing are mind-bogglingly great. It's that time of night when I feel almost human. In fact, I'm thinking of become a vampire ... I mean, keeping late hours as these are the time of day when I feel the best. And this comes after a day of misery.

 

Netflix: I've zoomed through all the scary crime dramas and more the past few months. A movie I liked a lot: Safety Not Guaranteed.

 

Books: so incredibly difficult to read too! Anxiety, weirdness, concentration trouble. All I managed this summer was, sadly, crime (maybe not the best choice?), Norwegian crime in particular. But last week I decided to try to find a light, funny book (not my usual pick) and stumbled on Christopher Moore's book "Bloodsucking Fiends." Hilarious and sweet. I read it before bed each night and it was a high point of my day. Now I'm on to his sequel: "You Suck" (yeah, tongue-in-cheek vampire love stories.)

 

 

[[La...]]

Hi All,

First, it's been such an insight reading others problems and also the positive stories of the many who's now clean from this horrible drug....thank you!

 

At present my doctor has advised against both tapering off, and also changing to Diazepam. He's a good man, understands and knows me well...but thinks with my father being very unwell, alongside being out of work here in Spain, that I should just wait until the timing is better.

 

I am currently taking between 6.5mg up to 10mg depending on my mindset. The whole tapering off scenario scares the life out of me tbh. I've had one occasion now, where stupidly, I'd ran very low on my pills. It can be a nightmare here during fiestas and the many holidays they have where everything just closes...still, my fault for being thoughtless.

So, on this occasion where I'd had to wait for a farmacia to open the next morning, the virtually immediate withdrawal symptoms were just frightening.

Started with major anxiety...mainly brought on by knowing I'm almost out if meds. This was late in the afternoon and to cut a long and mostly un-memorable story short....within a few hours I was sweating, shaking and had uncontrollable body movements (kicking my legs about, chattering teeth and hallucinations) this went on all night, no chance of sleep, and as said, a lot if it I can't even remember.

Fortunately, my girlfriend was with me the whole time, otherwise I don't know what would of happened.

Has anyone else had a similar experience after just a few hours without medication?

Thank you

 

I concur. delboy, thats a big dose your on/ But to address your question, YES, I started totally freaking out within hours of missing my dose.  By 12 hrs later I was in very bad shape. But it was the severity of my response that awakened me to just how DANGEROUS a (this) drug could be. From that moment onward, I vowed to get off ativan as quickly as possible. Later on, as I learned, that changed to getting off ativan as "safely" as possible.

 

You can do it too.

[[pe...]]

KIddo

 

Thanks for the response- I haven't tapered yet thats the thing. Just seems a coincidence that I have started to feel like since the swich.

[[Sa...]]

So back to the important discussion, Netflix and books  talk about being ticked off...when I realized I wouldn't be able to read...SIGH...and really it's very strange...it's almost as if I'm now dyslexic or have the double vision going. The words all jumble together. I believe cognitive is improving a bit, but the actual print reading is a no go. I also can't use my cell phone easily...the only thing I can see well enough is the iPad with the brightness way down. For me this is a huge sacrifice...I was a voracious reader. But it will return, not too worried...so yeah June, I hear you about not reading...but I keep telling myself- hey, I'm discovering all kinds of stuff on Netflix!!!

 

NYC, see, now there's a positive post! Time of the night when you feel almost human...it's that way for a lot of people here to feel better in the evening....so I'm happy you're recognizing there are ok times for you in all of this. This is how you do it, find the movies and books since you can read and occupy yourself as best you can. Anything you can do to make yourself feel better and distract is great