Tapering off Ativan Support Thread

[[...]]

Moonbow--I use a compounded liquid--if your doctor is familiar with that, and there is a reputable compounding pharmacy in the area, I can recommend that method.

 

I am coming down from .5mg which translates to 1 ml. in liquid using a 1ml. syringe....something to consider.

 

I have just begun, but so far so good.

 

I cannot tolerate valium (makes me reeeeally angry) so crossing over to that wasn't an option for me.

 

Good luck!

 

 

[[pe...]]

oooo What a drug this is....

 

Back on tablets horrific chaotic nonsense in my head, racing obsessional thoughts....suicidal depression as usual..

Shows to me different preparation takes time for the body to adjust and also shows that its a big risk for me anyway to mess with medication change.

 

Can you guys tell me the liquid you use in the states what is it mixed with.?

 

I feel for you all if its anything like I'm going through you all have an incredible constitution and hopefully some of you may see a little light in your day.

 

 

[[mo...]]

Thanks so much, Saga!  That's an interesting idea about the scale... Was it expensive?  I will read as much as I can about my options for tapering - you're right, I didn't find the forum before coming off Xanax, I just cut my dose in half a couple of times, and it was a pretty horrible withdrawal process.  Now that I know, I want to do this right, even though I'm on a small dose of ativan.  The worst thing right now is that I seem to be having intrusive violent thoughts and vivid violent nightmares, and I never really had that before.  I don't know if that is a possible side effect of ativan or a result of kindling or what, but I want to start getting off this drug!  Thanks again for your response. 

 

june, thank you!  I know there's a reputable compounding pharmacy somewhat nearby, so

I may try that approach, have to check the price on everything.  Right now, I have Kaiser, and I'm pretty sure they don't do anything fancy, so I'd have to pay out of pocket.  I've never tried Valium, and I am leery of trying any new medications right now, even if it's for facilitating the taper.  But, who knows, Ativan makes me really angry and have intrusive violent thoughts, so maybe Valium wouldn't?  Ugh, these medications are a bucket of worms.  Thank you so much for responding! 

[[Sa...]]

Pete I'm sorry you're having difficulty going back on the pills from the liquid, hope someone can answer your question about how the liquid is prepared in the US. How were I will say everything you're mentioning is a normal part of w/d. You're right it is terrible to go through this process. I don't believe anything about this is easy, but it can be done and you're doing it!

 

Moonbow the scale cost about $25 US sounds like you're in the US. The scale was frustrating to work with, no doubt. I had to hand over all the math etc to my husband...while I obsessed about every aspect of my taper, for the most part I also reassured myself that many people come off these meds w/o liquid or a scale and never finding the forum. I'm sorry your first w/d was so horrific. You're way ahead of the game this time with finding the forum to help you through.

 

The intrusive thoughts and nightmares are a fairly common side effect of all the benzos I believe, certainly I've read enough here about them, I don't believe  that has anything to do with kindling. Whatever you decide, keep reading and asking questions...

 

Saga

[[La...]]

oooo What a drug this is....

 

 

 

Can you guys tell me the liquid you use in the states what is it mixed with.?

 

I feel for you all if its anything like I'm going through you all have an incredible constitution and hopefully some of you may see a little light in your day.

 

Hi pete:

 

My compounded liquid ativan was prepared in a methylcellulose suspension (in water), the pharmacist also added a tiny bit of raspberry flavor to cut the edge on the bitterness of the benzo. Yes, tapering took unbelievable constitution.

 

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Re liquid ativan, see this pdf PETE http://www.accessdata.fda.gov/drugsatfda_docs/label/2009/079244lbl.pdf which tells what the lorazepam is mixed with. The pamphlet scared me because it talked about ativan possibly making depression worse. I can hardly accept all this.

[[Jo...]]

Currently at .90mg ( dosing water titration around .18mg 5 times day )

 

How would you all recommend I taper down .....schedule

 

I'm very sensitized and symptomatic.

 

I'm also on .25 mg klonopin but will taper that once Ativan is gone.

 

Been stuck on this Ativan for a year now many ups and downs a few one day cold turkeys ....my brain is kindled .....

 

I should also mention I have intradosal withdrawal and sometimes paradoxal but I can't change meds this is what I have to work with.

[[Ki...]]

Hi Joanna,

 

Sorry you are struggling, these are trying times for sure.

 

If you are that sensitive to the reduction in dose or any changes then I would taper no more than 5% every 7-14 days. Also, putting in a hold for a few weeks may help you as well since you've had a lot of med changes and a c/t.

 

Good luck 

[[Jo...]]

Thank you.... I'm in a horrible horrible withdrawal wave atm ......from messing with my doses too much .

 

I will take the advice and for on  . Hold!!!!! I'm thinking 3 weeks .....pray for me 😢

 

I'm always in such a rush to get off that I've made myself sick and stuck for 2 years......I hate myself for my own stupidity doing rushing cuts out of fear .....if I had held a year ago slower I would be off by now and recovering ......

 

I will dol the 5% cuts too ....my mom has all my meds and taking charge of everything since I obviously am self destructive. This is so hard ....I'm so sick and anorexic

[[Ki...]]

You can do this Joanna. You'll have to dig deep but you can definitely do it. Don't rush.

It will take as long as it takes. Ok? 

[[Jo...]]

You can do this Joanna. You'll have to dig deep but you can definitely do it. Don't rush.

It will take as long as it takes. Ok? 

 

 

I found a great ND Dr who is benzo wise .... This after a 2 years of western medicine drs making me bedridden ill.

I saw her last week a she said from .90 in 2 weeks we go to .85 and so on....and not to touch the klonopin.

 

I began to cry wanting off fast I realized at her rate it may take me 1 year to be benzo free .....a year I just wasted already going up and down so much that I'm scared I've kindled beyond repair.

 

Its time to realize this may as you said take as long as it needs to. I can't find peace in my soul with all this ....... But maybe if I held finally for 3 weeks and felt better I may realize whats been making me sick has been the ups and downs not so much the pills.

 

Like everyone on here I want to be free and healthy again. I've been rushing out of fear.......so yes at this point I need to pray .... Meditate that its going to take long........very long 😢

[[Jo...]]

You can do this Joanna. You'll have to dig deep but you can definitely do it. Don't rush.

It will take as long as it takes. Ok? 

 

Were you dosing a lot? My .90 is split in 5 times a day ...so the actual dosages are small and bring no relive.

The Klonopin is .32 and split 4 times a day around .08 or something.

 

My mom water titrated them in syringes. She's the math guru.

[[Sa...]]

Hi Joanna, I'm sorry you've been up and done and all around feeling fried. This is just so hard and everyone wants to do fast...and I did fast but for different reasons just as we all come here from different places and circumstances.

 

I think it's fantastic you have a benzo wise Dr. That's amazing and oh so rare. And your mom as the math guru...I know this seems so so long but it sounds like you understand maybe it's been too up and down and that slowing it way down makes sense. It makes sense to me given your circumstances and rather than looking at the taper time why not think this will be a chance maybe to not be quite as sick as you've been?

 

Please do not believe you are too damaged to heal. This is a popular benzo lie we all buy into at some point in time but it's not true. Try to flip the negative thoughts into positives whenever you can. I know this is easier said than done. 

[[Ki...]]

Hi Joanna,

 

Sounds like you have a lot of support, that in itself is a blessing.

 

I dose 5x a day as well. My prices are also small .09 and .08 per dose. Even if you aren't getting a lot of "relief" from the doses the healing is still happening and adjustments are still being made to your CNS. The goal is to slowly reduce and not shock your CNS.

 

Realistically, if you are functional and in a better frame of mind, does it really matter if it takes a year? There are many people who repeatedly up their dose, c/t, changed their meds, tapered, reinstated....they all healed. I encourage you to read the success stories and the website Mad In America (specifically the writers Laura Delano and Matt Samet). You will find power in their voices. They have both made full recoveries and there journey was a lot

more harrowing and were medicated beyond belief.

 

Everyone heals. Believe this.

 

 

[[Jo...]]

Hi Joanna, I'm sorry you've been up and done and all around feeling fried. This is just so hard and everyone wants to do fast...and I did fast but for different reasons just as we all come here from different places and circumstances.

 

I think it's fantastic you have a benzo wise Dr. That's amazing and oh so rare. And your mom as the math guru...I know this seems so so long but it sounds like you understand maybe it's been too up and down and that slowing it way down makes sense. It makes sense to me given your circumstances and rather than looking at the taper time why not think this will be a chance maybe to not be quite as sick as you've been?

 

Please do not believe you are too damaged to heal. This is a popular benzo lie we all buy into at some point in time but it's not true. Try to flip the negative thoughts into positives whenever you can. I know this is easier said than done. 

 

Thank you for the kind words. I try my best to be positive but some days are hard. I don't even ever post or complain on my fb about my stgruggle.....but today I'm sick and scared.

 

I remember when this hell began u came on here October 2012 thinking I was sick haha ....if someone would have told me then " girl you have 2 or 3 more years of hell coming 100000% worse than what you feel now " well I would have just shut my mouth back then and gone slower. I have a lot of self blame ....and anger towards the drs who put me on all this because of some misdiagnosed gerd that was giving me spasms ......spasms are now the least of my worries.

 

There's others as sick as me so I'm not anything special ....we all suffer ourf own way. Finding this Dr was amazing yes took a lot of praying but I feel I found her a little too late.......the funny thing is she's 10 blocks from my home ....2 years passing by her unknowingly ...... Thank you all for the support my spirits are so low today in tears I write this.

 

I went from being smart artistic touring the world taking care of my family ....to 90 pounds bedridden in a wheelchair learning to walk again and fighting with my sick cns.  Praying for recovery eventually ......so in can do all I can to change the laws on benzos and help save people. That's my life's purpose.

[[Jo...]]

Hi Joanna,

 

Sounds like you have a lot of support, that in itself is a blessing.

 

I dose 5x a day as well. My prices are also small .09 and .08 per dose. Even if you aren't getting a lot of "relief" from the doses the healing is still happening and adjustments are still being made to your CNS. The goal is to slowly reduce and not shock your CNS.

 

Realistically, if you are functional and in a better frame of mind, does it really matter if it takes a year? There are many people who repeatedly up their dose, c/t, changed their meds, tapered, reinstated....they all healed. I encourage you to read the success stories and the website Mad In America (specifically the writers Laura Delano and Matt Samet). You will find power in their voices. They have both made full recoveries and there journey was a lot

more harrowing and were medicated beyond belief.

 

Everyone heals. Believe this.

 

Very wise words ....I am finding peace in my soul that it will take longer ..I've been fighting this for 2 years and while fighting crying and screaming 2 years passed instead of using those 2 years to learn patience and acceptance  lol

 

Fear is the worst enemy it makes us do rash and stupid decisions as with me basing so much actions on fear

 

I'm not functional ATM ...my CNS took countless countless hits this is why I'm scared I'm broken beyond repair. My mom says if I for once just hold my a and k for 3 weeks no changes a miracle might happen.so I'm going to try that.

 

My ND Dr wants slow cuts ...when she said .5 every 2 weeks I began to cry hysterical. I must find peace that I will be sick....I will continue to fight ...a lot won't make sense not to trust my benzo sick brain .....recovery is possible and to give up the control to my mom and husband as my ND Dr wants me to.

[[Ki...]]

Joanna - I completely agree. HOLD AND STABILIZE. Then continue towards freedom SLOWLY. Once you are feeling better, then you won't care how long it takes. You've already wasted 2 years kicking and screaming, time to take a different approach. Right? 

[[Jo...]]

Joanna - I completely agree. HOLD AND STABILIZE. Then continue towards freedom SLOWLY. Once you are feeling better, then you won't care how long it takes. You've already wasted 2 years kicking and screaming, time to take a different approach. Right? 

 

Exactly ..... Why did I do that ..... My mom keeps a daily log and calendar.... When I saw it my heart sank all the mistakes .....

 

Question.

Some texts say we don't heal until off .... Is this actually true?

Some say going slow does upregulated our receptors .....is this true?

How can we know.

 

Also the use of gabergenic herbs like valerrina root do they help ease the pain or hurt our brains?

 

So confused.

[[Ki...]]

Joanna - nobody knows. But I believe that we heal as we taper. Absolutely. And even if we don't, I believe that post taper will be less painful after a taper as opposed to cold turkey or rapid taper. Bottom line....there's no easy way out 

 

From experience, I'm feeling better the lower I get in dose. My overall baseline is higher but my waves are tougher. My first three months of tapering was full of mistakes and I was a hot mess. There was a very blurred line between everyday shitty and waves. They pretty much felt the same 

 

I personally steer clear of all herbals and vitamins. Wouldn't touch them with a ten foot pole.

 

 

 

 

[[...]]

Joanna--I agree with others here about the huge, huge benefit of support you have.

I am also looking at a good year (maybe more if it gets rough) trying to come off .5 mg. of ativan at night.  I have to drop once a month because my symptoms are hormonally driven.  I just wanted to let you know you are not alone in having the sloooooow taper plan.  It is so difficult, I know, because we all want off this crap desperately.  Relish your support "team" as much as possible.

[[Jo...]]

Joanna--I agree with others here about the huge, huge benefit of support you have.

I am also looking at a good year (maybe more if it gets rough) trying to come off .5 mg. of ativan at night.  I have to drop once a month because my symptoms are hormonally driven.  I just wanted to let you know you are not alone in having the sloooooow taper plan.  It is so difficult, I know, because we all want off this crap desperately.  Relish your support "team" as much as possible.

 

I don't take my support for granted in fact I am terrified to loose it an think god daily for the people inmy life.

My symptoms become unbearable 5 days before and during my periods too ...

 

I've kindled my body and brain so much I have like movement disorders ...hard to breath ....extreme muscle weakness ..trouble swallowing... Sometimes eating revs me up ..oh god the list goes on an on ....... I want to try and hold and will pray my hardest something relaxes and calms a bit ....

 

I've made many mistakes ...it's time to pray harder and listen to you all ( and my Dr )

[[Om...]]

Joanna- Id stay away from valerian root. Although it does help you sleep, it will also mess with your GABA receptors and could slow the healing process. There is a thread here on the forum that discusses supplements. Let me get the link and ill post it here

 

[[Om...]]

Here we go http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=108766.0 Id encourage you all to take a look at this, lest you accidently take something you should in an attempt to ease the s/x. If there were some miracle supplement, we'd all be taking it.  The only things I take are melatonin (for sleep) Benadryl (sleep) and a multivitamin (because I throw up a lot and need the extra nourishment)

[[...]]

These internal blocks to being able to be with people are driving me crazy. I hope it's the ativan talking (though I had this kind of trouble in the past). Since starting this taper, I think I've been more self-conscious, more self-absorbed, more sensitive to noise and crowds and feelings. Sometimes I do feel crazy. I hope this is normal. I know folks have posted their w/d symptoms a lot here. One of mine is this sad feeling of not being able to truly connect with people right now. And of being on ativan for months ahead, probably. I pray for some acceptance of this. And get tempted every so often to try to speed it up. I won't. If anything I'm already going fast. But basically OK - was at a solid 1 mg in late August and now am at 0.63 (about). So that's good.

 

And last night I watched a surfing movie and actually thought I'd enjoy being on the water again, some day. (Right now, the usual things I used to enjoy feel so damn far away it's insane).

 

Random reach out. Maybe I should put this on a blog instead of here.

 

[[Om...]]

These internal blocks to being able to be with people are driving me crazy. I hope it's the ativan talking (though I had this kind of trouble in the past). Since starting this taper, I think I've been more self-conscious, more self-absorbed, more sensitive to noise and crowds and feelings. Sometimes I do feel crazy. I hope this is normal. I know folks have posted their w/d symptoms a lot here. One of mine is this sad feeling of not being able to truly connect with people right now. And of being on ativan for months ahead, probably. I pray for some acceptance of this. And get tempted every so often to try to speed it up. I won't. If anything I'm already going fast. But basically OK - was at a solid 1 mg in late August and now am at 0.63 (about). So that's good.

 

And last night I watched a surfing movie and actually thought I'd enjoy being on the water again, some day. (Right now, the usual things I used to enjoy feel so damn far away it's insane).

 

Random reach out. Maybe I should put this on a blog instead of here.

 

It's the Ativan, trust me. You've tapered at a very fast pace, maybe you need to slow it down abit. Don't push too hard, you might cause more harm than good. Although starting a blog would be healthy, feel free to post your thoughts here. It definitely helps to connect with those going through the same struggles. Ill be praying for you.