Wild Soul, Running Free

[[Be...]]

I see where it mentions possible suppression of bone marrow which can affect the immune system but nothing about causing leukemia.  That's a relief! Thanks.

[[Wi...]]

 

Hey Beeper..

  I just felt an obligation to let everyone know what I have read..

In my case it has affected me and my bone marrow and blood cell count...only according to a high tech test that I had done..I have no insurance to have further testing at this time ...I do not and am not saying at all that benzos caue leukemia only that my nat doc said I had a high risk of getting it because of the alteration of bone marrow and blood cells replication that I have ..along with the water retention that I have now that I didn't have before starting the benzos so I maybe have kidney dysfunction too .I really don't know and am not wanting to jump the gun here but I know something isn't right and and really trying hard to figure out what my problem is..I can take a lasix (water pill) and lose 8 lbs overnight by peeing..that tells me something is not right with my body...although I don't have access to that pill and only got the luxury of trying it once its impact said a great deal to me about what it can do and what might be wrong with my body and why it retains water like it does..and just imagine if I took it every day .....then what kind of weight I would lose ?..I am only searching for answers..answers that noone can seem to give me..only through researching do I find what soothes my soul and answers my questions...no traditional doctor has been able to do so...I am a bit bitter and angry that I ever got put on these meds but at the same time I think that I should have known better too...oh well ..gotta keep pushing on ..please don't feel hard at me for expressing my views or findings as I am only trying to help others in my journey to freedom from benzos by posting the possible reactions from taking such pills...maybe that will be an inspiration to help others get off the benzos.............who knows..? This forum has been a great help to me  ...more than any doctor has been ...I have to keep searching though .....

 

  thanks buddies .... to all...                                    Nola

[[Be...]]

 

Hey Beeper..

  I just felt an obligation to let everyone know what I have read..

In my case it has affected me and my bone marrow and blood cell count...only according to a high tech test that I had done..I have no insurance to have further testing at this time ...I do not and am not saying at all that benzos caue leukemia only that my nat doc said I had a high risk of getting it because of the alteration of bone marrow and blood cells replication that I have ..along with the water retention that I have now that I didn't have before starting the benzos so I maybe have kidney dysfunction too .I really don't know and am not wanting to jump the gun here but I know something isn't right and and really trying hard to figure out what my problem is..I can take a lasix (water pill) and lose 8 lbs overnight by peeing..that tells me something is not right with my body...although I don't have access to that pill and only got the luxury of trying it once its impact said a great deal to me about what it can do and what might be wrong with my body and why it retains water like it does..and just imagine if I took it every day .....then what kind of weight I would lose ?..I am only searching for answers..answers that noone can seem to give me..only through researching do I find what soothes my soul and answers my questions...no traditional doctor has been able to do so...I am a bit bitter and angry that I ever got put on these meds but at the same time I think that I should have known better too...oh well ..gotta keep pushing on ..please don't feel hard at me for expressing my views or findings as I am only trying to help others in my journey to freedom from benzos by posting the possible reactions from taking such pills...maybe that will be an inspiration to help others get off the benzos.............who knows..? This forum has been a great help to me  ...more than any doctor has been ...I have to keep searching though .....

 

  thanks buddies .... to all...                                     Nola

Of course not, Nola.  I just didn't want others to start freaking out over the possibility that they could get leukemia from benzos.  You know how suggestible we are "in recovery". I hope you do figure out what is best for you to do.  You are very close to being off the valium all together and won't that be grand to never again have to worry about what it's doing to you!

[[Wi...]]

well thanks Beeper...

 

  I was just trying to do some good here..ya know...benzos can really mess your system up .Just wanted people to know what the risks are..and if they are having problems then they can take the appropriate action and go get tested to see what is going on.I am not trying to scare anyone at all..just let them know what the risks are in hopes that will make them want to get off them even more..I know I do...it scares me to death worrying about what damage they are doing to my body....

Just didn't want to offend anyone by posting...just though I would be helping..maybe I went about it all wrong...I blame that on w/d...its still messing with me..and my thoughts..and actions sometimes...no harm intended here...just look over me please..

I just pray I did the  right thing...

THANKS for letting me express my findings . your a kind heart Beeper...

 

                                                          blessings - Nola

[[ly...]]

 

 

hi nola,,

 

I dont think that alcohol helps with w/d, if anything it would make it worse as I learned many years ago and only ended up back on the pills

of course its your choice, but your so close to finishing your taper wouldnt it make more sense to finish that first, just my opinion of course but im very anti alcohol!

 

I hope your doing a bit better today

 

love lynn  :smitten:x 

[[Mi...]]

Hi Nola,

 

How are you doing with your taper?  Is your sig line updated?

 

Missy

[[Wi...]]

 

Hello Missy...

yep I am on 2.5mg still..and it has been since October the 1st since last cut..haven't been able to make another one yet....still working on that...was supposed to make cut this past wednesday but didn't yet as I wanted to make sure I had a good time this weekend for our anniversary....

[[Be...]]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v295/beeper0002/BBuddies/untitled.jpg

 

(Which one is it, Nola?  Was it this weekend?)

[[Wi...]]

  well thank you Beeper,

 

that was very sweet of you. ...My b-day was the 13th and our actual anniversary was on the 15th but we went out of town the 17th thru 19th.to celebrate then..and had a good time ..went to Pigeon Forge in the smokey mountains..but gosh the traffic was awful.and a lot of crowds too everywhere we went..that kinda got to me but that place is always crowded and is to be expected though..I done all the driving like I always do...don't trust many people when it comes to that...but we had the time to reconnect a little and for the most part my w/d symptoms stayed low..

  It was a well needed mini-vacation...

 

                  thanks again

[[el...]]

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=10104.0

 

Nola, did ya miss your birthday thread?? 

[[Wi...]]

    yeah I supose I did.....didn't know I had one..lol

[[Wi...]]

Hey all : just to give you an update I am not doing too well with the taper at this point...last night I was swelled up/backed up or whatever ..well I figured I would take some x-lax to help mother nature along ..so I took six cause 4 doesn't work for me...Well about 30-45minutes after I started getted very sick to my stomach and ended up getting sicker than a dog over that..along with having ups and downs with anxiety and depression yesterday which didn't help me any at all...this sickness continued throughout the night along with the trots that the laxative gave untill I finally took a dose of pepto to calm me down...not a good night last night at all..

was wondering if I came down with something or if it was just the laxitive that made me sick..I know someone who ate the contents of a box and it didn't make them sick!I am still queasy today but much better than last night ..there is a lot of sickness going round here at the moment ..My hubby said he felt a little queasy at times throughout the day and so did my daughter so I really don't know what caused it..Needless to say I didn't work today cause my daughter was too sick to go to school with fever and all... I bet I lost 10lbs last night though..           I know this is probably TMI to most people on here but just trying to make some sense outta all this ya know....still feeling blah with no energy but made myself get outta the house today and that made me feel a little better I guess...wanna make another cut though soon..gotta get off this stuff it is driving me insane...I take the valium and it gives me anxiety for a while...If I don't take it I get anxiety so I really can't win for losing here...just not sure whether I can just quit taking it because I tried that before but that was a while back too..now is different...and no I am not drinking any alcohol..don't think I could if I wanted to right now..I am getting obsessive compulsive tendencies that seem to come and go and are very bad too..Like right now I can't get ahold of my oldest daughter and she is sick and I am worried and I told her yesterday that I want to hear from her everyday to make sure she is ok...I kinda got on her nerves with all that cause I told her to not make me come down there or I will..she's like gosh mom just chill..I have got enough to worry bout right now ,I don't need anything else upsetting my nerves cause they just can't take it at this time..I need to be calm with no more stress and she is stressing me out..her tonsils are swollen and hurting and there she is  4hours away with no insurance card and me not knowing what is going on...the lady's house where she is staying to babysit has no home phone either....I want an address to go and see her if I want to..I still have that right and noone has given it to me yet.I am just not having a good day...excuse me everyone....I am  and upset at the moment...gotta go to Ymca tonight so gotta get motivated so I am gonna get off here for now and try to do something productive to get my mind off of things..thanks for letting me vent..buddies.....

  I know a good name for me ....psycho mom....

 

                                                                                  Nola

 

 

[[Wi...]]

oh yeah forgot to mention the constant jerking of my left eyelid all the way up to my brow..that went on all day yesterday and really started getting to me...it was kinda weird watching that in the mirror though.

  glad I don't have that today..

[[tr...]]

 

Nola,

 

It sounds like you are having one hell of time!    What drives us crazy in our "normal" life will send us over the edge in withdrawal. 

[[Wi...]]

 

  ok buddies..I am having problems with the chest tightness and my b/p is elevated at 150/100 so what do I do now..I am still at 2.5 but cut it back by 20ml last night only to find myself taking the rest of it this morning..

I am desperate here.I really am worried about my b/p.. Since I have no insurance at all it is unlikely I can go get myself checked out for whatever reason...please respond ! I am having an unbearable time with this...what can I do? I have tried working it off and have tried deep breathing and nothing is working at all...

]

                    thanks in advance ....love to all buddies...                    Nola

[[Be...]]

Nola 

 

I know that BP spike can be upsetting.  Mine occasionally went to 180/100.  I even went on BP medicine for a while but it made me feel worse.  I have a home BP monitor so I can check it now and while it's not great, it's not awful either (like 140/85).

 

Cutting back on salt can help I believe.  And blood pressure is very much influenced by our reaction to stress and worry.

 

Even with no insurance, they have to treat you in the ER so you can go there if necessary. 

 

Feel better soon.

[[Wi...]]

 

  Hey Beeper,

 

    thanks for such a quick response....I know it is gonna happen but it just drives me crazy when it does..if that makes any since...I was on b/p meds before and then just all of a sudden I didn't need em anymore..The benzos were working very good at that point...I took a benedryl and an all natural b/p pill and it has come back down to normal 112/77 and I am happy with that ...I still have the chest tightness though and sweaty palms and vision is messing with me ..you would think that the 2.5mg I have been on a month now that my body would have adjusted to that but apparently not...Well I am just getting paranoid thats all and I guess that goes along with it..ocd/scared of dying/nausea/burping.....the works..I hope I can get straightened out before tom so I can go and work...I can handle the sx's just don' want b/p spiking up there to a dangerous point..heart attacks and strokes run in my family anyways ..don't need the extra risk..thanks for your reply Beeper .I really appreciate it..

  .., still hanging in there though....its gonna get tough from here on out and I know that...

 

thanks buddy..                                                      Nola

[[st...]]

Hi, Nola,

 

Unfortunately, you will get alot of these symptoms as you taper.  My bp during w/d's sometimes went up to 180/120 even though I take bp meds.  The w/d's are simply hideous but you just have to hang on.  That's all any of us can do.  You have come a long way and you are doing a good job.  Glad you are not sipping the alcohol, too.  Soon the shackles will be off.

 

Patty  xo

[[Wi...]]

 

 

  Well thank you Patty ..sure have missed you ..where you been?

Yeah I know my b/p is bound to spike .l remember back when I was in tolerence w/d on xanax and on b/p meds.

I went through the spikes along with uncontrollable panic that went with it..many many times...not knowing what was going on at that time..

  I just was in a panic this morning ..I just can't stand it sometimes...but I am ok at the time being..Every morning I wake up in a panic with chest tightness and it lasts for a while....I try to ignore it but it gets the best of me at times..had trouble getting to sleep last night too..oh well I know its all part of healing ..I shouldn't have posted about that earlier seeing as how there are many more people on here with more problems than I.I am laying off the alcohol for while and see how it goes too..I think that is best like eveyone else says...I think they are right..The only alcohol I have had is one time over the weekend for our anniversary...since the week before so I am trying to cut back ..gonna forego the drink this weekend and take it from there ....

  thanks again Patty ... so nice to hear from you....

 

                                                                                Nola

[[ly...]]

Hi nola, just checking in on you. It is hard but these symptoms will pass! Im glad you had a good weekend. Love lynn x

[[Wi...]]

 

  Hey Lynnie

 

        Thanks for the check in...I am doing ok I guess.. not great but ok..today I have had problems with worrysome thoughts like feeling that I am not normal if that makes any sense..I truly hope it is all w/d sx's.

  I just feel all tensed up and just not feeling normal at all.like my mind if all messed up...not really had any b/p spikes or anything that I have noticed but am short of breath after eating supper and that of course is uncomfortable..I am staying worried all the time too about everything which turns out to be nothing at all really..

  I made my cut last night of 2.5mg - 20ml whatever that comes out to be and thats what I took tonight also..

so just waiting to see what I gotta deal with from doing that ..I guess the apprehension from making the cuts and expecting the worst is really getting to me.I wish I could stop the negative thinking but it really ain't happening for me right now at all...Please tell me it is all w/d and I am not losing it here...I really hope so..

I really feel inadequate ,like I don't measure up to everyone else and that I never will be anybody or have anything cause I am too scared to take the risk ..that is depressing for me..I want so badly to change that.. as I do feel I have a lot to offer if I was not too scared to do anything about it..I guess a lot of realization is happening for me right now and maybe my brain is actually trying to recuperate and is trying to work better ..I have been numb for so long..I think I actually starting to feel now...what do you think? oh well not trying to overwhelm eveyone with a bunch of questions here..I just need some other peoples opinion I guess and reassurance that I ain't going crazy here...I am so bored with nothing to do  ..my daughters spending the night at the neighbors and hubby is in bed and it has been a long rainy dreary day for me ..I took a nap earier so I probably won't get much sleep tonight needless to say.....thanks for checking in Lynnie .I sure hope someone else can make some sense outta what I am going through here...even though it is probably w/d...

 

 

                          thanks buddie                                  Nola

[[ly...]]

Hi nola, makes perfect sense to me, i was on pills so long i dont know what normal is, i cry cause i cant keep up with all the emotions coming back, i didnt realise they take so much from us, my partner talks and its so loud, noise smells is all coming back slowly, everything your feeling is your body waking up from the numbness, it takes times but is normal! It is a painful process but we will be glad we did it. Your doing well! Love lynn x 

[[Wi...]]

 

 

  Thanks Lynnie.

 

  Well today another smackdown...sorry to say...The bluetooth I have been wearing in my ear has caused an infected ulceration in my ear!..I had to go to ER as there was nothing else open..I gotta start taking bactrim tomorrow...don't know how that is gonna react with me either....can't stand taking new meds right now.I am scrared to death of them and the reactions I might get /side effects too...

  I should have known to clean that thing every now and then...    ..I sure hope all goes well..I have washed it out with peroxide and put antibiotic ointment on it and all..also been taking echanacia too..

well tonight I had a really bad panic attack on top of everything else..I was late taking my valium by 1 hour and I suffererd the consequences because of it... still wake up feeling panicky every morning too...

  I gotta freind who is sending me some homemade herbal tinctures for my nerves and for healing..so I should get them by next week ..the sooner the better for me....if they work I will be sure to post about it...

she makes em all herself outta organic herbs and they are indeed strong as I have gotten a few different ones from her already ...she only charges what it takes to make em and puts the money back into the herbs ..she has been a God send to me when I needed help...she has helped quite a few people with getting off of benzos and natural healing of all sorts...I met her on curezone.com          she is the one who led me to this site....bless her heart..we talked till 3:30 am last night..she is talker too but she know what she is saying ..she is very knowledgeable about a lot of different stuff...I am gonna start making my own tinctures too when I get the chance as she told me how to do it...one of them she is sending me is St.Johns Wort tincture...she said she has gotten nothing but positive feedback on all who has taken it...the other is passionflower and then there is combination nerve tonic thats supposed to help heal your nerves...so we will see...I am skeptical at this point but willing to try anything that will possibly help me..

  I really appreciate all the help and kind unjudgemental words from everyone here....I will always be your buddy and hope maybe one day I can help someone  else out like you all are helping me....These last few cuts are taking their toll on my body but I am trying to endure and keep pushing forward ..Haven't got much farther to go now I know but yet it seems like many months away for me....my body is not wanting to cooperate with me making the cuts either..I cut 20ml 2 night ago..not 5 or 10 but 20...and I feel like that is way overdue..I should be off these things by now...I wish I wasn't so hard on myself either but I've always been that way and old habits are hard to break.. 

 

thanks buddies                                                                                            Nola

 

[[Wi...]]

 

    Well today is a good day...I am feeling great.    ..its kinda weird though for me to be feeling better..

I have not took the antibiotic yet..been sticking to the echanacia .....and my ear is getting better....

I do feel a little shakey inside but other than that I am really feeling like my mind is clearer and no waking up in a panic this morning so that in itself is an improvement..I guess since I had a good panic attack last night it got outta my system for a bit.    not sure ... oh and my left eye is twitching a bit ...but hey I can handle all that.... I am doing this ..... it just gives my motivation to keep going.....I just wanted everyone to know that sometimes you have to feel worse in order to feel better...just let your fears go...thats what I am trying to ..

just let it all go.... ;) :) :) :)              its hard ...but well worth it in the end.........not saying I am healed because I have a long ways to go to get there.....but being better is good....real goooooooooood 

 

 

                              love and hugs to all.                              Nola

[[Be...]]

 

    Well today is a good day...I am feeling great.     ..its kinda weird though for me to be feeling better..

I have not took the antibiotic yet..been sticking to the echanacia .....and my ear is getting better....

I do feel a little shakey inside but other than that I am really feeling like my mind is clearer and no waking up in a panic this morning so that in itself is an improvement..I guess since I had a good panic attack last night it got outta my system for a bit.     not sure ... oh and my left eye is twitching a bit ...but hey I can handle all that.... I am doing this ..... it just gives my motivation to keep going.....I just wanted everyone to know that sometimes you have to feel worse in order to feel better...just let your fears go...thats what I am trying to ..

just let it all go.... ;) :) :) :)               its hard ...but well worth it in the end.........not saying I am healed because I have a long ways to go to get there.....but being better is good....real goooooooooood 

 

 

                               love and hugs to all.                               Nola

What great news, Nola and I gotta love that attitude. 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v295/beeper0002/BBuddies/great-day_73.gif