Wild Soul, Running Free

[[Wi...]]

 

  an update on my benzo journey leads me to say  the following..

 

  I know my pains wherever they may be are due to w/d now..

  I know the stomach upset and nausea are due to me w/d now

  I know the depression I feel from time to time is due  to w/d

  I know the anxiety/restlessness is due to w/d

  I know the tension I feel is due to w/d

  I know the memory impairment and brain fog is due to w/d

  I know the feeling like I am losing it sometimes is due to w/d

  I know that the allergies and sensitivities are due to benzos and w/d

  I know the racing pulse and b/p fluctuations are due to benzos and w/d

  I know there are many people that are going through the same things I am and worse..

  I know there is a light at the end of then tunnel

  I know I like the wonderful windows I have as they tell what is to come

  I know I am not alone ..... thank you buddies..   

  I know it takes 42days for me to actually feel the worst effects of a cut...

  I know now that I have at least that long to wait in between cuts to not add to my suffering

  I know that I don't know it all and am still learning but maybe what I have posted here can help someone else.

  I know that within 84 days I can be off the benzos....

 

  This has been a truly real experience/journey for me..I have done a lot of soul searching and researching and experiencing to come to these conclusions .I know me and those darn pills don't mix to well...they are mind numbing and mind altering and body destroying meds that although may be right for a very few are definately not right for me.I think noone would be here on this forum if they(benzos) were working for them.

I thank God for he has answered my prayers ..He has now opened my eyes that were once blinded by ignorance and denial that such meds could cause this to me..I know all the pains I have suffered were not my body ,just the benzos making my body not function the way nature intended for it to..

    Anxiety is a life response to something that you are having trouble dealing with or cannot face..Your brain knows this! after your first attack your brain says ..well we don't want to go through that again hence the phobias...afraid to go to town.or afraid  big crowds etc,etc..and if you are repeatedly afraid of those things it triggers anxiety/panic..your brain only knows that when you went to town or were in a big crowd that this upset you and caused you panic/maybe somehting traumatic happened while you were there..and when you go there anyway a panic attack is bound to happen  because you haven't learned to deal with what caused you to be scared in the first place..hence panic disorder has just arrived because not only are u scared of all the other things that caused the panic but now you are scared of the panic itself...not a good life..

  My theory is now to accept it (fear) and to do the things that you fear the most but a little at a time...so as not to induce fright and panic..I am not afraid of having another panic attack as I have those panic feelings sometimes all day now...but I do not let them disturb me..and I know that most of that will subside when I am off the benzos...there will always be some panic/anxiety and that is perfectly normal cause if there wasn't anyone getting excited about things this sure would lead to a dull world...and if nobody got scared at the sight of danger a lot of people would be dead right now because they wouldn't know to flee the situation...

adrenaline is there to protect us from many danger...it is a life saving and life altering at the same time.it  makes the body tense and the digestive secretions slow down and the heart rate increase and the muscles tensed up ready to fight..and the body takes in more oxygen. and your blood pressure will increase.preparing for the worst.. and if there is no immediate danger then your body is left to deal with all the excess energy...sometimes you can hyperventilate and pass out ...but thats about all that can happen...there is nothing else physically going  on although you may think that you are dying.....

  Don't fear this when it happens...just know that you will be ok and accept those feelings as a  process and within a while they will go away...if you happen to be on benzos then you will experience them more often and sometimes severe while coming off them ...if you do experience the bad sx's ..just know that once you are off them then the anxiety will not be as bad at alll once your body has time to heal you may have well conquered the anxious feelings..that may vary from person to person so that will take time..but a slow taper is the way to go to give your body time to adjust and heal at the same time ...only when your brain and body heals will you start to feel normal again..and then you will already know how to deal with the anxiety cause you done been through the worst ever from the w/d .. Just remember to nourish your body well so that it may heal faster..

curb the alcohol and take the sx's as they come. 

  You will be stronger because of that ..I know I will be in the end ...I am already getting there..

 

 

              blessings.. Nola

[[st...]]

Thanks for that post, Nola.

 

Patty  xo

[[el...]]

Wow, Nola!

You sound wonderful. You really seem to have a handle on this thing. Such words of wisdom! This will help so many people just beginning this journey. Thank you. 

[[ca...]]

nola what a heart felt post you have said it all love to you caral x 

[[Wi...]]

 

 

  Hey buddies..

  thanks to all...I have still got a ways to go but I feel like I have a better grip on what is going on now...

I really do hope this helps others ..it sure was an eye opener for me....it's like all the peices of the puzzle are coming together and making sense to me now..   I am now pretty much stable on the 2.5mg and plan on making another cut as soon as my body tells me I am ready..no hurries here....

  I just tried to highlight the most important stuff I have remembered that is helping me get through my journey.

thanks to all of you dear buddies and this forum for enlightening me with valuable information that will change my life forever.. U-tube.com has some very good videos on benzo withdrawel too that I have been watching so it might be something some others on here might wanna watch .If anyone needs the links I will be happy to post them..they have helped me learn a lot.

 

        blessings and loads of hugs to everyone.. Nola

[[wo...]]

Nola, I just want to give you the BIGGEST HUG right now! A Squeeeeeeezie from me!

[[Wi...]]

  awwwwwwwwhhhhhhhh..thanks wonder woman...I appreciate that......

[[ba...]]

http://i255.photobucket.com/albums/hh157/bagbarbara/Friendsarelikestars.gif

 

Nola, Thank you for sharing...your words are profound and full of hope.

 

hugs, Barb 

[[Wi...]]

 

 

            well thanks Barb...I love that picture of the stars...I think the stars are beautiful.

[[Wi...]]

 

  Hey buddies...

 

  also wanted to post this...

 

  in those who get SAD.. during the winter..it has been shown that adequete supplementation of Vit D.

as cholecalciferol will raise seratonin in the brain thus helping those with depression and mood disorders..

I have started supplementing with 2000 IU's daily and have already noticed a difference in my mood..

I felt better after my first dose..not saying it will help anyone else but it sure is worth a shot..the worst that could happen is that it didn't work.if you want to read more about it ..then just google ..vitamin D and depression..a bunch of sites will come up about it..benzos can vitamin deficiencies too and that is the last thing we need ..

hope this helps...

 

hugs to all..          Nola

[[Be...]]

You know, Nola, "they" are even recommending taking 1000 mg Vit D/day to head off osteoporosis!  I've been doing that for about a year.  Maybe it's helping me with depression, too. 

[[Wi...]]

 

  hey there Beeper...that is a good idea too..It can't hurt thats for sure..

I know it has helped me .. a lot of people don't really know that there could be that link between depression and vitamin d deficiency.I didn't until I researched it and in the winter months where you just don't get enough sunlight always makes the depression and mood worse for me especially..I also tend to overeat in the winter 

something I definately don't need to do... ..

hey if it works like an antidepressant then that would drastically cut down the amount of people those kinds of drugs . Me? well I would much rather take the vit D than an SSRI anyday..

although not good biz for the drug companies.

 

    Nola

[[Be...]]

 

  hey there Beeper...that is a good idea too..It can't hurt thats for sure..

I know it has helped me .. a lot of people don't really know that there could be that link between depression and vitamin d deficiency.I didn't until I researched it and in the winter months where you just don't get enough sunlight always makes the depression and mood worse for me especially..I also tend to overeat in the winter 

something I definately don't need to do... ..

hey if it works like an antidepressant then that would drastically cut down the amount of people those kinds of drugs . Me? well I would much rather take the vit D than an SSRI anyday..

although not good biz for the drug companies.

 

     Nola

That might be why we haven't heard more about it. 

[[Wi...]]

  very good point ...I think that just might be it..

[[...]]

I've just read through your whole blog and it is amazing to see the difference in your mindset from the beginning to now.  You seem much more sure of yourself and have grasped something that you can give to others. 

Whenever you are down, you need to come back here and read your post of what you've gained.  It is an amazing testimony of how far you have come. 

 

I totally agree with going slowly, esp at the lower doses.  What is the rush?  If we are feeling good, then why not take it slowly?  That is my new mentality.  Yes, I want off this poison yesterday, but I also want to live my life, too

 

Keep up the great work you will be at the end just at the right time

[[Wi...]]

 

Hey there Cal..

  although I still feel I have a long way to go..I have had some improvement  that is for sure..and I am very thankful for that.I still have the tightness in the chest and anxiety and all the other symptoms..but have pretty much learned to deal with it all ..Will be so glad when it all is gone..it sure won't be a moment too soon..

the paradoxial reactions aren't too fun at all either...darned if you do and darned if you don't ..

The adrenaline rushes are not as bad for me now..I can't even remember when my last one was.. I just try to take it all in stride and try not to get too excited about it cause that always makes it worse..My memory is still not good and I can't get rid of those darned brain farts. 

its all just w/d and thats a fact we all have to deal with..it really sucks but its true...nothing can be done.we all have to go through it if we want to be better in the end.

  we will make it ..thats for sure    I guess I see everything differently now.. the fear is not there like it was for me a while back..I now think that if I die well I die ..what else is there to be scared of other than death n suffering.we all will have to face that one day.. I just try to do the best I can to eat well and stay healthy and active .thats all I can do..those videos on u-tube about benzo w/d helped me out a lot too..

  I know what you mean about wanting off this poison yesterday...if only it was that easy...

we can dream though can't we? I think all the time about life without benzos ..I can hardly wait  ...

won't be much longer though .

 

    hang in there my friend...   

 

 

[[...]]

I've learned attitude is 90% of this thing.  If we can take control of that we are going to feel alot better.

 

My worst w/d s/x is the insomnia.  At first when I would wake after only sleeping for an hour, I would cry and cry and get all worked up.  It took me a few weeks of that to realize I was only making it worse.  A friend told me to accept this as my "new normal" and move on.  At first I was mad that she would say that, but once I adopted that attitude I started to go back to sleep even after waking every hour.  The waking alot at night didn't stop, but at least I went back to sleep and didn't lie there all night crying about it !

 

 

[[wo...]]

Hi Nola, I just wanted to say that I think you are really right about the Vit D thing. I started drinking Raw Milk and sometimes Colostrum, because I was craving it so much. Both are good sources of Vit D I think. I know the raw stuff has it naturally and it doesn't cause lactose intolerance. Anyway since I started drinking it. I sleep much better, and I just FEEL better. Seems like it has made a big difference for me.

 

By the way, I just love your little wild soul, and I wanted to tell you that!

[[...]]

I actually had my vit D checked....it was VERY low.  I am now on 8000 iu a day.  Do benzos deplete vit D?  Anyone read anything about that?

 

I also do light therapy everyday for SAD. 

[[Wi...]]

 

  Hey Cal

  you are absolutely right about the attitude..it really has helped me out a lot by staying positive and having acceptance ...I wake up many times throughout the night too..but always go back to sleep ..

And I have to say last night I cut down to 1.25mg valium and actually had my first dream in a long time..

I was thrilled because I can't remember when my last dream was.

  The is no telling what all the benzos can deplete in our bodies.its good you had it checked out..vit D is also good to keep skin cancer at bay..It has really helped me with the depression..I am starting to feel normal actually (way cool) and that is so good.... I am just taking 2000 iu a day though as I haven't been tested and that is a safe level to take while in the blind ya know..that really good to do the light therapy I have heard...haven't done that though.hope you get to sleeping better ..the vit D should help  ya out...

  take care ..

[[Wi...]]

 

 

  Hey WW...

 

  that is so great that the raw milk and colostrum are helping you...where on earth are you finding that!

I wish I could get some....(pouting right now).... just kidding.

 

  a little info u may or may not know (Raw milk has the enzymes to help you digest it..pasteurized does not.. what a shame...enymes are crucial to how long we live..our body only makes so many and when they are gone then disease sets in. hence diabetes hypertension,cancer etc...I have several books on enzymes and how they can cure you of what ails you ..they are wonderful..only found in raw foods and how many of us eat a raw diet ?there are enzyme therapists that test people for deficeincies. I am going to go and see one soon as I get situated. the body has the capability to heal itself when given the chance ..

Its amazing what the little things will do for ya..

wild soul huh?  I suppose...I just like to have a little fun...   

I am so feeling better today...

I think you are a little spunky yourself...I really love your attitude..

[[Wi...]]

I sorry bout misposting the name of the www.youtube.com  website in an earlier post...I think I spelled it utube.

but anyways  anyone having problems can go on there and search for benzo w/d and a bunch of videos will pop up ..even Mrs.Ashton is on some of them although they are not that long ..there are a few that was very helpful to me and I just wanted to pass it on ..maybe it will help others too. also one can type in anxiety and depression  for some more info..some of the videos are just people talking about their experiences and others are videos that will give you some really good coping skills..it truly is the mindset of the person to how well they will get through w/d ... its about changing your way of thinking and how you react ...so go check em out buddies ! I sure hope they help you like they did me.  

 

 

                  many blessings..                          Nola

[[Wi...]]

 

Hey everyone !

 

 

  I went ahead and made a cut last night ..I am now down to 1.25 mg of valium .half of what I was taking..

we will see how it goes.. I have felt better since making that cut ...but only time will tell 

no more paradoxial reactions. 

wish me luck buddies.. this may be my ticket off. 

 

                    thanks                                      Nola

 

 

 

 

[[st...]]

Nola,

 

I am sending you a bucket full of luck.

 

Patty  xo

[[...]]

the body has the capability to heal itself when given the chance ..

very wise and true statement.  We can help it along with a good diet (raw is best), exercise and plenty of fresh, clean water.  Unfortunately, most of us don't do those things.  Maybe I should just speak for myself.  I am too interested in the right now to think about the future of my health.  That pizza, or cookie or whatever just tastes soooo good    And of course, the benzo helped me so much at first, it can't be bad for me right?  WRONG!!!!!

 

Live and learn and pass on that knowledge to others.  It's up to them to take it and use it.

 

Glad to hear you are feeling so well and have made another cut.  You are very close, good for you