The Long Hold Support Group

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Trina is giving Flo the middle finger 

 

So glad she’s being nice to you Trina xx

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I'm kicking butt and taking names...lol 

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Hello everyone, I’m really not understanding what is happening. My last cut was 11/13/20. I started to have windows after thanksgiving but then I started having very rough days. I updosed .5 mgs 1/7/21 and started feeling a little better. But now I have insomnia, extreme itching, tremors and cog fog. I felt good last Thursday but since then, hell. I plan to hold and hope that I get better. I updosed because I started feeling horrible and my 10 year old son was about to start home school. I have nobody else to help him so I was hoping to get a little better. Now I can’t really help him with simple 4th grade work. Has anyone gone through this and gotten somewhat better? My child needs me and I can’t do anything! He has learning disabilities. I’m so sorry for him. I appreciate any feedback.

[[ki...]]

I’m curious if anyone here has experienced bloating right after ovulation. I have it and my belly feels like I’m pregnant. It’s just annoying and I wanted to see if this yet another symptom to chalk up to benzos. Otherwise I’m doing pretty well. I hope everyone here is having at least a little bit better cycle this go around. ❤️

[[Tr...]]

Kitsu I’ve had the bloating like I’m pregnant, I’ve read other posts here having by the same. I didn’t link it to my cycle at the time because I was a mess most days. The bloating is unbelievable, I remember my husband being surprised at how big my tummy got... it’s gone now... took some time but a healthy diet helped....

 

Today I feel so much loss from this withdrawal. How do we deal with all that we have lost from this experience? Some words of encouragement will help.

[[Gi...]]

Hello everyone, I’m really not understanding what is happening. My last cut was 11/13/20. I started to have windows after thanksgiving but then I started having very rough days. I updosed .5 mgs 1/7/21 and started feeling a little better. But now I have insomnia, extreme itching, tremors and cog fog. I felt good last Thursday but since then, hell. I plan to hold and hope that I get better. I updosed because I started feeling horrible and my 10 year old son was about to start home school. I have nobody else to help him so I was hoping to get a little better. Now I can’t really help him with simple 4th grade work. Has anyone gone through this and gotten somewhat better? My child needs me and I can’t do anything! He has learning disabilities. I’m so sorry for him. I appreciate any feedback.

 

Scorpio,

I'm so sorry you are struggling so. It is not unusual to have windows followed by waves.  You updosed by .5 so are you on 8 mg valium now? The sx you described are all withdrawal sx.  I'm currently been having waves of intense itching plus the cog fog and insomnia.

 

My feeling is you should just stay where you are currently.  No more cuts or updoses.  For me updoses never worked for long.  Let your CNS stabilize.  I don't know how much your last cut was but when you feel stable, make your next cut much lower.  You can also try a micro taper.  I did not use that method but it is very successful for many people.

 

For me, the only thing that helped was a long hold, as long as it took to feel normal again.  I know it's difficult and you need to be there for your son. I hope others here will chime in with their opinions.  You are not alone in this.  Ginger

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Thank you. How do you feel now that you’ve jumped? I don’t think I gave my cns enough time to really get stabilized. I started tapering in early October as soon as I felt better from 2 months of hell from the lorazepam. I only waited about 2 1/2 weeks after I switched to diazepam 10mgs. I broke off about .625mgs until I got to 7.5mgs 11/13/20. And that’s what got me here. So I know now how wrong I was! But my son shouldn’t have to suffer because of my ignorance. My adult son says to just ct. My husband doesn’t understand. I’m 49 so my family just think it’s menopause. Maybe some is but they have noooo idea!

[[ki...]]

Trying, I find acceptance is the best thing for that feeling of loss. It’s ok to grieve for that time you’ve lost, but remember that when this is all said and done, you will have a greater appreciation for the life you have.

[[Ol...]]

Scorpio,

No one will understand unless they have gone through it. Everyone around you will tell you to just 'rip off the bandaid' but they just don't understand. I hope you can hold your ground and hold when you need to, despite pressure from loved ones. It sounds like you need to hold until your CNS stabilizes. Can take awhile, hang in there! Believe me, we've all been there.

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Scorpio,

No one will understand unless they have gone through it. Everyone around you will tell you to just 'rip off the bandaid' but they just don't understand. I hope you can hold your ground and hold when you need to, despite pressure from loved ones. It sounds like you need to hold until your CNS stabilizes. Can take awhile, hang in there! Believe me, we've all been there.

Thank you. I need to be functional for my son too. I’m so unhappy. I’m feeling worse though since my updose. I was at at 7.5mgs and now 8mgs. My symptoms are worse. I hope I do stabilize. I hope I can be a better mother too. Have you ever had sound sensitivity? I’m having difficulties hearing everything. I can’t bare to hear my son’s voice. I’m horrible! I love my baby!

[[ki...]]

Scorpio, I feel for you. I have a little one I'm caring for too and some days it just seems impossible. Please advocate for yourself as much as you can. Olive Kitty is right, only those who have experienced benzo withdrawal can truly understand what we deal with. Something that helped my loved ones understand was having them read the Ashton Manual. It gives them a little bit of an idea as to what we're experiencing.

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Scorpio, I feel for you. I have a little one I'm caring for too and some days it just seems impossible. Please advocate for yourself as much as you can. Olive Kitty is right, only those who have experienced benzo withdrawal can truly understand what we deal with. Something that helped my loved ones understand was having them read the Ashton Manual. It gives them a little bit of an idea as to what we're experiencing.

Thank you. The problem with that is my family won’t. It’s frustrating. My husband is very angry at me. I thought that he’d be the one to understand the most. He works all day and comes home to a zombie and goes straight to the bedroom until he falls asleep. 20 years and I never would have thought that this could ruin us. To be honest, we weren’t going to have children together because we already had children from previous relationships. I have 2 adult kids and a 10 year old. I’m sorry to be so needy. Thanks you to everyone that has helped me.

[Guest [fl...]]

Hey guys, I’m at almost 16 weeks off and now no period! I’ve never missed a period ever! I usually have 21-24 day cycles but I’m now day 35 and no period (not pregnant.) Anyone else have this? My body temps are all over the place, thyroid and adrenals up and down. Sheesh. I guess my body is just learning. The good news is that anxiety is reducing gradually (frustratingly slowly but reducing!) I stopped progesterone a while ago just in case...maybe that small dose did this, so I guess if you go there use it only during the luteal phase. I just turned 48 but this would be a crazy abrupt menopause.

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Today I feel so much loss from this withdrawal. How do we deal with all that we have lost from this experience? Some words of encouragement will help.

 

Are you done with work now? I find down time without distractions can feed into these thoughts - but its not necessarily a bad thing. We need to grieve those losses. I just remind myself not to unpack and live there...

 

But I hear you...its like taking inventory of everything, and then its easy to fall into comparison with others and where they are at in life.

I sometimes think its like being beaten up by someone, but you'll never be able to identify the perpetrator or get justice for whats happened. It can feel so empty.

 

However..as true as the other is - there is also another truth (this is the one we need to focus on more...) - we are free now. The future holds opportunity and joy. And any challenges that come our way will be met with all the tools we've learned in managing this.

 

Make your plans to have a family - when you're ready. You making job changes sounds like maybe this change needed to be made  - benzo situation or not- and what comes next may actually be a gift.

 

Rebuilding def feels uncertain and is un-nerving in many aspects (I'm currently straddling rebuilding some aspects and managing symptoms..).

 

I heard this the other day..

" the reason the windshield is so large and the rearview mirror so small, is bc its far more important where you're going, than what you left behind".

Forward progression..

[[Gi...]]

Scorpio,

Sound sensitivity is something I dealt with.  I already had it from a concussion, and post concussion syndrome, so I can't say mine got worse from benzo wd.  Earplugs helped me.  I always had them with me.  Thankfully now I  don't seem to need them. 

 

My first three weeks after jumping were just windows and waves.  The beginning of week four got harder.  The past two days I have had itching, neuropathy in feet, legs, hands, awful.  My skin was sensitive to anything with texture.  Kind of a sensory neuropathy. I found that taking Benadryl helps a great deal.  I have taken a 3 mg. dose every 4 1/2 hours today and I feel much better, close to normal.  It has only been eight weeks so I have a way to go yet but I'm happy to be off.  I just take one day at a time, or one hour at a time on bad days.  That's what got me through the taper.

Hang in there.  Holding will help.  Ginger

 

 

 

 

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Scorpio,

Sound sensitivity is something I dealt with.  I already had it from a concussion, and post concussion syndrome, so I can't say mine got worse from benzo wd.  Earplugs helped me.  I always had them with me.  Thankfully now I  don't seem to need them. 

 

My first three weeks after jumping were just windows and waves.  The beginning of week four got harder.  The past two days I have had itching, neuropathy in feet, legs, hands, awful.  My skin was sensitive to anything with texture.  Kind of a sensory neuropathy. I found that taking Benadryl helps a great deal.  I have taken a 3 mg. dose every 4 1/2 hours today and I feel much better, close to normal.  It has only been eight weeks so I have a way to go yet but I'm happy to be off.  I just take one day at a time, or one hour at a time on bad days.  That's what got me through the taper.

Hang in there.  Holding will help.  Ginger

 

 

 

 

Thank Ginger. And congratulations on your jump. You’re very fortunate to be off. Thanks again. You’re very comforting.

[[Tr...]]

Hey guys, I’m at almost 16 weeks off and now no period! I’ve never missed a period ever! I usually have 21-24 day cycles but I’m now day 35 and no period (not pregnant.) Anyone else have this?

 

Hi Fluffer, remember I missed an entire period 2 months back and I had never done that. That was the reason I went to go see the gynecologist and I’m taking her diagnosis with a pinch of salt. I know deep down all this is withdrawal related. So you are definitely not alone and there are others here who have missed or had their period be late...

 

Thanks Kitsu and Trina... this week was particularly tough with letting go of my job. The entire executive team and ceo asked me to reconsider and I had to maintain my resignation which made it worse... Announcing it to my team and the rest of the business was particularly hard. Their responses made me realise just how influential I had become there and now I almost don’t know who I am without my job, without a title. My husband says we attach our identity to what we do and now that I don’t have a job anymore, I will have identity issues for some time. I guess we all have a box we put ourselves in. I am an.... I do.... I achieved.... and now I don’t have a box so I feel like I’m floating. I know there will be a silver lining from this but right now it’s a lot. Who am I now? I guess I’ll find out.

 

I hope you all are hanging on okay... I want to encourage you that it really does get better with time. I am a year out and I feel so much better now. I feel like I’ve just entered the 4th stage of healing. I have only 2 persisting symptoms left, a few others come and go once in a while and hardly bother me. I feel like everything is fizzling out slowly now and in 6 months I’ll be all healed (not sure about the tinnitus) but I feel in 6 months all other symptoms will be gone. So keep going, do what’s right for your body to heal and you will get there.

 

Trina I’m glad your last cycle didn’t increase symptoms, I feel like I’m on the same trend as you.

[Guest [fl...]]

Thanks Trying2BHopeful. I did a ZRT hormone test and just got the results. I had no idea what was going on, but it showed that I was in the luteal phase with most hormone levels of a 30 year old (I'm 48), so that was nice. I recommend it for anyone wanted to test a lot of hormones at once.

 

I am glad to hear that you are taking time off to take full care of yourself. It is a really good decision, though hard. What are your few remaining symptoms besides tinnitus?

[Guest [...]]

Fluffer

 

After my colonoscopy where I was given Versed, I went 70 days with no period!!!!

 

It came back and was hellish, as Trina puts it - a murder scene in my pants.

 

I also get akathisia around ovulation and just before my period and few days in.

 

I also went around 70 days with no period when I first had the Ativan in late May, I had no idea that was it, but I was taking it intermittently at that point and my period only came back when I started taking the ativan regularly!

 

I hope your anxiety is getting better, I've had that a bit too, but only around my period or hormone time etc.

 

Trying:

 

So happy you are taking time off to heal yourself, that is important.

I know it's scary, but sounds like you need to do it, especially if you're looking at having kids, you need the least amount of stress as possible.

 

hope everyone else is doing well.

 

I'm having a hard time with a lot of tight muscular pain, pretty difficult, as I just moved over to the liquid ativan.

 

I'm just trying to hang in there, but lots of depression too, Lots!!!

 

Hard to get out for a massage or PT as we are in another lockdown here in Ontario.

 

I'm ordering a medmasssager from Costco, has anyone used it?

Apparently, chiropracters use it etc.

 

Winnie

 

 

[[Sh...]]

A murder scene 

 

 

[Guest [...]]

I take no credit for that!

 

All Trina and its stuck with me!!!

 

lol!

 

 

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Well it’s definitely accurate 

[[tr...]]

Bring out the yellow tape......   "Police line ..do not cross..."...."caution"....

 

Fluffer: hormone levels of a 30 year old? - Nice.....

 

Trying: We kind do seem like the same trend - but i think you're a couple steps ahead.

 

Winnie: The depression will go - I promise. It was super dark for me -it came in spurts/chunks, and was always worse near my period. Then it got less and less. Weirdly I remember it would sometimes flood me for a couple hrs then completely lift! I get "low" now sometimes but its no longer the abyss of hell.

 

 

[[Sh...]]

Omg I literally laughed out loud! 

 

What’s the code for murder? 187?

 

“Ah, dispatch we have a 187 here in the ladies bathroom... over”

 

[[Tr...]]

Hahaha, murder scene... code 189 😆 lol. That’s funny.

Winnie I’m glad you have moved to the liquid Ativan, it should hopefully make the tapering reduction process easier... Trina, here I was thinking you are a few steps ahead of me. I guess it’s ups and downs, I don’t know how many times I thought maybe next month I’ll be healed to get to the next month and be exactly the same or worse. But I’m Trying2Bhopeful... hahaha... at some point this withdrawal has to break right!? Come Onnn...  Jeez!

 

Fluffer I have the electric jolts when falling asleep still, that and tinnitus are my persisting symptoms. The other symptoms come and go & are not as bothersome; brain shakes if i concentrate too long or exercise too much, tight chest but only when I’m in a moving car (strange), and cortisol rushes in the early morning, these are starting to get mild... I can now sleep until 7am most mornings and get a good 8 hours with waking up once for the bathroom and I’m able to get right back to sleep most nights. This is such an improvement from 6 months ago! At some point I was experiencing 10 symptoms all at the same time and was in constant pain, you all understand... So it really does get better but it takes time for some of us and requires being and staying off the meds. I do still feel extremely sensitive, like making one mistake (drinking alcohol, one dose of a benzo) could send me all the way back. So the healing already done doesn’t feel cemented yet... but it will happen with time.