The Long Hold Support Group

[[Be...]]

I was feeeling better the past few days, other than the dizzuness and weakness that led to my fall. But today I am having a lot of physical anxiety symptoms, it's been constant starting after I ate breakfast (The bowl of plain oatmeal, unsweetened). I can tell I need to hold for some time, clearly nowhere near stable. Just wish this rebound anxiety would go down. I feel like I'm on a Benzo W/D Merry-go-round, the experience changes from day to day, symptoms wax and wane, but I can't get off the Merry-go-round.

 

Tomorow is my birthday and there's nothing to celebrate, I don't even care I'm turning another year older. This is so hard.

 

I guess when I feel stable and ready enough, I can expext the same Merry-go-round each time I cut. So agonizing. I though tapering was supposed to make this easier. Does holding longer make it easier, is that why people do this?

[[Ma...]]

I was feeeling better the past few days, other than the dizzuness and weakness that led to my fall. But today I am having a lot of physical anxiety symptoms, it's been constant starting after I ate breakfast (The bowl of plain oatmeal, unsweetened). I can tell I need to hold for some time, clearly nowhere near stable. Just wish this rebound anxiety would go down. I feel like I'm on a Benzo W/D Merry-go-round, the experience changes from day to day, symptoms wax and wane, but I can't get off the Merry-go-round.

 

Tomorow is my birthday and there's nothing to celebrate, I don't even care I'm turning another year older. This is so hard.

 

I guess when I feel stable and ready enough, I can expext the same Merry-go-round each time I cut. So agonizing. I though tapering was supposed to make this easier. Does holding longer make it easier, is that why people do this?

 

You said that very well about the merry go round  .  Truthfully, holding helps a lot of people, but it doesn't help everyone.  It's just like anything else benzo, works great for some, not at all for others.  But if you are struggling, it is most definitely worth giving a real try!! 

[Guest [...]]

OK, I'm so sorry to be a pain, but I have another unbelievable pain....

 

I woke up in the middle of the night, with a very severe pain in my vagina!!!

It felt swollen and hot!

I also couldn't tell, but I think I had to go pee, sure enough I did!

That's the thing, I don't seem to be able to feel when I have to go pee anymore!

Also, all my pelvic floor muscles appear to be seized so much that I can't even contract and loosen them with kegal exercises.

 

I'm getting so worried about all these symptoms!

I know it's moving to the liquid!

I can't go back to the pills, as they were sublingual and too small to cut and weigh, let alone taper with.

 

I don't know how to endure a year of trying to taper off in this condition!

 

I'm so sad and down, can't find any bright lights!

Cry all day long, that now my 14 year old has to comfort me, like she is the mom!

 

Winnie :'(

 

 

[[Be...]]

 

 

You said that very well about the merry go round  .  Truthfully, holding helps a lot of people, but it doesn't help everyone.  It's just like anything else benzo, works great for some, not at all for others.  But if you are struggling, it is most definitely worth giving a real try!! 

 

 

So holding is just another crapshoot, it may or may not work. What's a reasonable hold time for most people, and when is holding too long? How does one determine they have held long enough? I want so badly to go back on that tiny 1/2 mg Valium cut I made, but my mind says that would be a mistake, and in the long run not help. 

[[ki...]]

Winnie, I have seen other buddies report issues with their pelvic floor muscles. You aren’t alone. I recall a few saying they did pelvic floor physical therapy to help resolve the issues.

[[Ma...]]

 

 

You said that very well about the merry go round  .  Truthfully, holding helps a lot of people, but it doesn't help everyone.  It's just like anything else benzo, works great for some, not at all for others.  But if you are struggling, it is most definitely worth giving a real try!! 

 

 

So holding is just another crapshoot, it may or may not work. What's a reasonable hold time for most people, and when is holding too long? How does one determine they have held long enough? I want so badly to go back on that tiny 1/2 mg Valium cut I made, but my mind says that would be a mistake, and in the long run not help.

 

That's the problem with benzo's Lottie, everyone is different.  It's doesn't have a time table.  A lot of people have held a year,I would say most is around 6 months, but some less.  Your desire really has to be put on the back burner.  Your brain and central nervous system will decide.  I won't lie to you.

There is just doing the best you can and try to find a way to distract yourself.  It's not easy, it's hard but you can do it.  :smitten:

[[Tr...]]

Hi ladies

Winnie, the tailbone pain is indeed very bad, it’s unbelievable how much damage is done from these meds. Flutter, the physical symptoms are more persistent for me. At my stage I’m 90% dealing with physical symptoms. I’ll have some anxiety once in a while and it’s mostly work related. The crying spells have completely stopped. And Trina is right about symptoms sometimes being one sided i.e. nerve pain in one side of the body, tinnitus more prominent in the the one ear etc. regarding missing a cycle, a few of us have had that happen here. Trina well done on getting back to work... it’s a huge milestone even if it’s half days.

My update: I received my blood results and the gynecologist diagnosed me with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. This is a condition that results with women missing periods and ovulating less. She diagnosed this because my Anti-Mullerian hormone levels were 4.7 and the normal is between 1 and 4. The spanner in the story is that I did this test in 2018 and the hormone level was 3.5 so the gynecologist was confused and said the hormonal level can’t ever go up because the eggs can’t increase, they rather reduce with age. So she said the 2018 results must have been wrong, but I think the 2021 results are wrong and are affected by this withdrawal. Anyway, I’m not going to worry too much about it for now, I’ll run the test in a year again once healed and see what happens. Expect the unexpected is the theme of this process.

[[Tr...]]

Old boys clubs  - ugh. And this is the year they have got to be wayyy more flexible.Aside from paying the bills it doesn't sound like this is the best enviro for you. 

 

I know this topic was not period related but an update is that I have resigned from my job. I held on so long during this withdrawal, I think I had a lot of fear for my financial security but I’ve realised I don’t want to be in that kind of environment any longer. Withdrawal sure does change us in many ways. We come out different. I have chosen to allow my husband to look after me, the independent woman will take a break for a while. This is big for me as I had a lot of fears about letting a man take care of me etc... all layers have been stripped off and I guess the healing of other wounds is happening during this withdrawal. I have become softer, I am ok with being vulnerable. I now know what is important in life.. I do have my CV out for work-from-home jobs particularly and I’m talking to a few companies at the moment. I believe a clean start will be good. So if you are thinking of making big positive scary changes, know it’s okay to take the leap... Withdrawal is life changing.

[[tr...]]

Trying: Those are two major things! I'm not an expert in reproduction, but it would be interesting to see how your levels change in the next year bc I could see benzo recovery being the culprit too. That must be so frustrating and disheartening to hear a diagnosis like that.

As for your work decision - bravo! You chose  to be the priority. But I can totally relate to being "kept" and how hard it is to accept that. I always swore to myself I would never be kept by a man (bc I had fear of being controlled - past issues lol). But it was so absurd bc I have an awesome husband.

So in all of this I have been able to contribute a bit here and there - but I was definitely provided for overall by my spouse. So in the end, that old fear is now gone ( the silver lining I suppose). Just think if he was unwell you would do it for him! So why not you?

But if it helps I hope you find a compromise with maybe something from home for now, or whatever suits you best at this time.

 

 

Ok so I'm two days late but its now here - but it worked out perfect bc as of tomorrow I have a couple days off work to deal with "flo". New job is such a blessing. fingers crossed.

[[gi...]]

I was feeeling better the past few days, other than the dizzuness and weakness that led to my fall. But today I am having a lot of physical anxiety symptoms, it's been constant starting after I ate breakfast (The bowl of plain oatmeal, unsweetened). I can tell I need to hold for some time, clearly nowhere near stable. Just wish this rebound anxiety would go down. I feel like I'm on a Benzo W/D Merry-go-round, the experience changes from day to day, symptoms wax and wane, but I can't get off the Merry-go-round.

 

Tomorow is my birthday and there's nothing to celebrate, I don't even care I'm turning another year older. This is so hard.

 

I guess when I feel stable and ready enough, I can expext the same Merry-go-round each time I cut. So agonizing. I though tapering was supposed to make this easier. Does holding longer make it easier, is that why people do this?

Happy birthday BenzoLottie! I hope you’re having a fun weekend with some nice moments! xo  :smitten:

[[Be...]]

 

Happy birthday BenzoLottie! I hope you’re having a fun weekend with some nice moments! xo  :smitten:

 

Thank you but no fun and the only nice moments were talking to others plus my case worker sent my Direct Care Worker to visit me.

[[Ji...]]

 

BenzoLottie, I did not know that about the B vitamins! And I feel like I’ve been trying to (slowly) wean down for years now; you really do learn something new everyday. Thank you! I hope you are feeling even a little better. It sounds like a scary day/time. We can try to focus on the positive but absolutely good luck to you. 🙏🏼

 

A number of BB users have said B vitamins rev them up or make their symptoms worse. Apparently I found that to be true in my case. I am feeling beter headache-wise, but other symptoms have taken over. It's like when one monster leaves, another shows up.

Really? I thought B vitamins would help. My mother who quit benzos said they helped her.

I started taking a anti-stress mix, which has B and C vitamins and feel a bit jumpy. Not sure if it's the level I'm at  0.44 Valium or maybe it is the vitamins.

[[Ji...]]

What is a wise amount of valium to jump? Or maybe it's better not to and taper all the way down?

[[Tr...]]

Hi Jimmy,

 

That's different for everyone. Some can jump at 0,5. Others need to taper down to almost zero.

You're the best judge: you know best how your body and mind react to a cut or taper.

 

Good luck ! You're almost done!

 

Trochsetter

[[Be...]]

Comments please on this information from another member on a different thread.

 

Anecdotal rule-of-a-thumb is to hold 6 months upon reinstatement. I read somewhere that it takes 6-12 months for glutamate receptors to downregulate, or something like that.

 

(name removed)

6 months!!!   Most sources I read said 2, because I was only off only 10 days and still had Valium in my system. I thought longer periods like 6 months were for those who had reinstated after a longer period of being completely benzo free for some time and having no benzos in their system.

I don't think having a drug in your system matters much, except for the fact that having it in means you haven't gone paradoxical, which would otherwise be a risk upon reinstatement. The problem, as I understand it, is that cold-turkey / over-rapid taper upregulates glutamate receptors, which makes you at the same time both less responsive to benzos, and more sensitive to drops in benzo dosage. Of course, holding too long may cause downregulation of GABA_A receptors, leading to tolerance withdrawal.

 

 

[[ki...]]

Comments please on this information from another member on a different thread.

 

Anecdotal rule-of-a-thumb is to hold 6 months upon reinstatement. I read somewhere that it takes 6-12 months for glutamate receptors to downregulate, or something like that.

 

(name removed)

6 months!!!   Most sources I read said 2, because I was only off only 10 days and still had Valium in my system. I thought longer periods like 6 months were for those who had reinstated after a longer period of being completely benzo free for some time and having no benzos in their system.

I don't think having a drug in your system matters much, except for the fact that having it in means you haven't gone paradoxical, which would otherwise be a risk upon reinstatement. The problem, as I understand it, is that cold-turkey / over-rapid taper upregulates glutamate receptors, which makes you at the same time both less responsive to benzos, and more sensitive to drops in benzo dosage. Of course, holding too long may cause downregulation of GABA_A receptors, leading to tolerance withdrawal.

 

I don’t know about the second part, but holding after reinstating is an individual thing. I held for a month and then started tapering again.

[[Ma...]]

Hi Jimmy,

 

That's different for everyone. Some can jump at 0,5. Others need to taper down to almost zero.

You're the best judge: you know best how your body and mind react to a cut or taper.

 

Good luck ! You're almost done!

 

Trochsetter

 

 

Jimmy, how do you feel now?  That to me is the answer to when you jump.  If you are feeling pretty stable and have for awhile, you might jump now.  If you aren't feeling well, imo, I would take my time going to zero and walk off.  Give you brain and central nervous system longer to stabilize.  Good luck either way !!  🙋🏼🙋🏼😘😘

[[Ma...]]

Lottie, it all comes down to how you feel.  Nothing else, if you are feeling really bad, be prepared to hold.  You can't assign a time table to anything, only how you feel.  Everyone feels differently and has different symptoms.  Assigning a time frame will almost always disappoint you, unless you are very lucky.  I wish you luck on whatever you do.  Mary

 

 

 

[[Be...]]

Lottie, it all comes down to how you feel.  Nothing else, if you are feeling really bad, be prepared to hold.  You can't assign a time table to anything, only how you feel.  Everyone feels differently and has different symptoms.  Assigning a time frame will almost always disappoint you, unless you are very lucky.  I wish you luck on whatever you do.  Mary

 

Thank you and to kitsune556.

 

 

I am feeling really bad right now, ever since I made the .5 mg cut on January 6th, I've been suffering really bad. I was having minimal symptoms prior to this cut, then it's been pure hell. I'm afraid I will feel stable again, cut again, and go through the same agony again. Right now I obviously have to hold and suffer, returning to my original dose likely wouldn't even help. On another thread, some suggested I consider trying the dry micro taper method, recommended a scale to use. Suppposedly this minimizes the W/D efffect, I wouldn't feel this bad. And I could pause the micro taper as needed, and hold until I feel ready to resume. I'm seriously considering it. 

[[Ma...]]

Lottie, it all comes down to how you feel.  Nothing else, if you are feeling really bad, be prepared to hold.  You can't assign a time table to anything, only how you feel.  Everyone feels differently and has different symptoms.  Assigning a time frame will almost always disappoint you, unless you are very lucky.  I wish you luck on whatever you do.  Mary

 

Thank you and to kitsune556.

 

 

I am feeling really bad right now, ever since I made the .5 mg cut on January 6th, I've been suffering really bad. I was having minimal symptoms prior to this cut, then it's been pure hell. I'm afraid I will feel stable again, cut again, and go through the same agony again. Right now I obviously have to hold and suffer, returning to my original dose likely wouldn't even help. On another thread, some suggested I consider trying the dry micro taper method, recommended a scale to use. Suppposedly this minimizes the W/D efffect, I wouldn't feel this bad. And I could pause the micro taper as needed, and hold until I feel ready to resume. I'm seriously considering it.

 

Micro tapering helps many people Lottie 

[[ki...]]

Lottie, it all comes down to how you feel.  Nothing else, if you are feeling really bad, be prepared to hold.  You can't assign a time table to anything, only how you feel.  Everyone feels differently and has different symptoms.  Assigning a time frame will almost always disappoint you, unless you are very lucky.  I wish you luck on whatever you do.  Mary

 

Thank you and to kitsune556.

 

 

I am feeling really bad right now, ever since I made the .5 mg cut on January 6th, I've been suffering really bad. I was having minimal symptoms prior to this cut, then it's been pure hell. I'm afraid I will feel stable again, cut again, and go through the same agony again. Right now I obviously have to hold and suffer, returning to my original dose likely wouldn't even help. On another thread, some suggested I consider trying the dry micro taper method, recommended a scale to use. Suppposedly this minimizes the W/D efffect, I wouldn't feel this bad. And I could pause the micro taper as needed, and hold until I feel ready to resume. I'm seriously considering it.

 

I think microtapering is the way to go. Some say it isn't necessary with valium because of it's long half-life, but I can say for certain it has made a big difference for me.

[[Be...]]

 

 

I think microtapering is the way to go. Some say it isn't necessary with valium because of it's long half-life, but I can say for certain it has made a big difference for me.

 

Is there a forum devoted to this, because someone tried explaining it to me on another thread, and I was lost? I am terrible when it comes to math. I haven't the faintest idea how I would start, and how much to reduce each day.

 

At any tate, I am nowhere near stable, despite what I was told was only a 4% cut of my total dose (.5 mg out of 12 mg). I am having to grit my teeth and wait it out and hold until whenever. And suffer, really suffer. I feel so alone and I cry just about every day. Waves, waves, waves, if I have a window it's so brief.

 

 

[[se...]]

I use a scale and dry cut 2.5 percent (actually 1.25 fro each pill) as I take it twice daily.  You can buy a scale on line and there is a tube video that shows how to measure and keep track.  If this seems overwhelming, I am sure others will chime in about the liquid taper.

 

I know you are in a rough spot, hang in there, you will figure out a reasonable taper for your body.

[[tr...]]

Ok posting hope....aside form the intense bleeding (which could be due to age, and age changes), this has been the best period yet! Like physically drained, but no wicked low mood or acute symptoms! Dreams are active - but anything seems to set that off. I will say I was 2 days late, but that worked out perfect bc it came on my days off from work. So today is day 2 and I feel sane:)

 

I think I'm safe to say it gets better ladies. 

[[be...]]

Woohoo!! That’s some welcome hope right there, Trina!