The Long Hold Support Group

[[Tr...]]

Calling all Trishy Bears!!  Of course, there is only one  :smitten:    Miss you girlfriend, need to hear from you.  Love you very much 🙋🏼🙋🏼🙋🏼😘😘😘😘😷😷🙏🙋🏼🙋🏼🙋🏼🙏🙏🙏🙏😷😷😷.      ♥️♥️♥️♥️.      👶💝.    Happy Halloween 👻🎃👻🎃👻 

Mary !!

HERE I AM! 🙋‍♀️ 🐨 MISSED YOU TOO! LOVE YOU TOO!😷 💞💞💞

[[Ma...]]

Good Sunday morning everyone,

I hope you all enjoyed covid Halloween 😜

 

Had my first full week of babysitting my grandson last week. It was exhausting but he's so damn cuuuuuute! 🥰 Wearing a mask trying to care for him is a real challenge but I'm doing my best.

 

Haven't caught up on any posts really just skimmed here and there but I wish you all well! Thinking of everyone.❤️

 

Stut my twin, hope you're doing ok, I'm hanging in there. Connecticut is really heating up right now with covid and I'm in red alert town atm 😞 schools are closing like crazy! You keep yourself safe lady! Love you, LST ❤️

 

Mary, two more days woman!! Rich is taking election day off and he'll watch our grandson while I go vote then he'll go vote after me. It's very nerve wracking these last couple of days. I'm hoping for the best but trying to prepare for disappointment. 🤞🙏🙏🙏🌊🌊🌊

Love ya,

TT ❤️🌊🇺🇲

 

Trishy Bear, I put out a call for ya, did you read it?  I am actually pretty positive, trying to be.  Vote like your life depends on it, and I think people have!!  TX voted more in early voting than we did in all of 2018, we are now in a Toss Up state instead of red.  Glad you made it through your first week with the grand baby, things will get easier each week.  Glad Rich took off too, him being home will keep your anxiety down on Election Day.  I wish Tim was going to be here.  Love ya woman, you keep safe.

Hope all your family is well.  We'll check in Election Day  :D :smitten:    👶💘💝

Hey girl no I didn't see your shout out I haven't been reading much at all. I was so busy with the baby last week that I wasn't following even silently. I'm sorry I missed it, I'll look back.

 

I can't believe how many solid red states are in play! It's mind boggling. Ones like your state Texas and Arizona, Georgia.. Just unbelievable really. Although look what happened in 2016 in my part of the country up here in the north they shattered the blue wall. What a friggin shock that was, never saw that coming. I only hope the " blue wall" is back up and holding steady 😉

Seems there are many paths this time.. We'll see come Tuesday. I can't wait to get it over with. There are fights breaking out here in my state, people are very heated over this election. I've never seen such tension over an election in my life. I saw what happened with the bus in your state, well some of that is going on here. I don't want to use words that'll get me in trouble here but let's just say the " trucks with the flags" are out causing trouble 🤬

 

Don't know how much I'll get on this week but I will definitely try to catch up with you election day probably by pm 😉

 

Be safe girlfriend. ❤️

TT, Trishy 🐨🌊🤞🙏❤️❤️

 

You too my friend, enjoy that 👶 ♥️  Have some special moments of innocence.  Talk to you Election Day, may have to PM  . Love you!!   

[[St...]]

Good morning LHSG hoping everyone has a better day.

Well here we are again how many times do you have to be asked to keep politics off this forum?We have members in this group who do not agree with your viewpoint so if you must discuss this pm each other.This forum is for everyone suffering withdrawal regardless of their political views.l know emotions are high however think before you post please.l do not want to see anyone here feeling alienated in any way.Thank you.

Morning twiny that is excellent he will keep you on your toes.Honestly you are so blessed to have him.You will get used to the mask etc it just takes time.Try not to worry too much honey and enjoy every moment with my beautiful little great nephew 🥰. Did you enjoy Halloween 🎃 have to say it was very quiet here a lot of fireworks however it stopped about 11 o'clock.How's your son getting on? Still sober l hope? love you my lST X

Morning Val your daughter could take my job now l wouldn't complain 😵🤦.I know what l said to my daughter when she mentioned nursing the answer was don't even think about it 🤣. She will change her mind a lot before she decides.My daughter only knew what she wanted to do when she was around 19.You are busy however you really are doing a lot better than you were.l know you are not anywhere near where you want to be but still a helluva improvement.Only England is going into lockdown.Wales is just about to come out of lockdown.Scotland is using the traffic light system and we are a week away from coming out of semi lockdown 😵.l know very confusing.We all have our own governments so the guidelines are different.love you.X

Morning Suzy how are you sweetheart l think you are having a very rough time at the moment.We are here if you want a chat.love you.X

Morning Meems breathe honey honestly l hope this settles down in the next week.l can't tolerate magnesium it recs me up.l learned this before my taper.love you.X

Morning LWT l asked you questions the last time l was on you probably missed my post.l think a lot of people don't have the ability to scroll back 😉.l hope you are feeling ok? love you.X

Morning Lady Mary Intend Nova  Gilly Valley Free Troch Olive NJ GP Nova Esperanza Ginger and everyone here sending you my love.X

[[De...]]

Hi Stut,

Its been hard. Flooding memories. It was terrible and confusing. Same things going around in your head and driving you crazy. Like e ery situation you feel like you made a mistake. It awful. I think its the meetings because you have to work on your flaws. Its hard to do this in md and I've been trying too. Then I beat myself up over things when I shouldn't be doing that. Especially with the distorted thinking. I was never this bad. Wd has made me so much worse. The gabap was and is very bad for me. Thanks for thinking of me. Stay safe!  Keep on keeping on, like you say. Ly Suzy

[[Me...]]

Hi all. I did get out today.  Took my mom to dialysis and did alittle shopping. I had jelly legs, which was a big reason why I had started magnesium in the first place which then sent me into a wave, I had some DP/DR and anxiety to go into the store but I did it.  Once I got some movement the jelly legs were better.  It’s amazing how we just don’t know what can send us into a wave.  Like I never thought a nutraceutical supplement would.  Now I’m scared to even do like vitamin D or a multi vitamin.  I know this doesn’t happen to everyone.  From what I’ve read on this website a lot of people tolerate magnesium And supplements very well and magnesium helps with sleep (which it did do) and with their muscles. But benzos mess up our CNS so much it’s hard to know how each person will react..  Movement is so important I just have no motivation to get outside and walk and we have warm sunny weather here.  And my appetite and GI is messed up.  So I’m still gonna hold maybe hopefully until Jan.  This process is so slow.  I feel like I’m doing something wrong and “should” be farther along. 

Love,

Meems

[[Me...]]

Hi Stut,

Its been hard. Flooding memories. It was terrible and confusing. Same things going around in your head and driving you crazy. Like e ery situation you feel like you made a mistake. It awful. I think its the meetings because you have to work on your flaws. Its hard to do this in md and I've been trying too. Then I beat myself up over things when I shouldn't be doing that. Especially with the distorted thinking. I was never this bad. Wd has made me so much worse. The gabap was and is very bad for me. Thanks for thinking of me. Stay safe!  Keep on keeping on, like you say. Ly Suzy

 

DD - I’ve been doin a lot of online meetings lately - just listening and man, my head and thinking is messing with me.  I hate how I used to be so clear before this whole shit show started.  I found myself beating myself up and the guilt was getting to me.  My stinking thinking is a dangerous place to go.  We all have our reasons for starting benzos and I can’t beat myself up.  I was very sick.  I was either gonna spend every day hyperventilating in an empty hallway at work with ptsd memories and abusive work environment or make a decision with my doctor to try and be functional.  I was even in therapy at the time to.  My body and brain just couldn’t handle the sheer panic I was in every day.  So it’s hard to deal with intrusive thoughts and guilt and and regret.  I long for the days again of not regretting the past.  We just have to do this one day at a time.  And it’s the days that seem to be the longest.  Sometimes 24 hours seems like 4,000 hours.  Flaws and all, we are champions and beautiful people. 

 

Love u

Meems

[[Ma...]]

Hi Stut,

Its been hard. Flooding memories. It was terrible and confusing. Same things going around in your head and driving you crazy. Like e ery situation you feel like you made a mistake. It awful. I think its the meetings because you have to work on your flaws. Its hard to do this in md and I've been trying too. Then I beat myself up over things when I shouldn't be doing that. Especially with the distorted thinking. I was never this bad. Wd has made me so much worse. The gabap was and is very bad for me. Thanks for thinking of me. Stay safe!  Keep on keeping on, like you say. Ly Suzy

 

DD - I’ve been doin a lot of online meetings lately - just listening and man, my head and thinking is messing with me.  I hate how I used to be so clear before this whole shit show started.  I found myself beating myself up and the guilt was getting to me.  My stinking thinking is a dangerous place to go.  We all have our reasons for starting benzos and I can’t beat myself up.  I was very sick.  I was either gonna spend every day hyperventilating in an empty hallway at work with ptsd memories and abusive work environment or make a decision with my doctor to try and be functional.  I was even in therapy at the time to.  My body and brain just couldn’t handle the sheer panic I was in every day.  So it’s hard to deal with intrusive thoughts and guilt and and regret.  I long for the days again of not regretting the past.  We just have to do this one day at a time.  And it’s the days that seem to be the longest.  Sometimes 24 hours seems like 4,000 hours.  Flaws and all, we are champions and beautiful people. 

 

Love u

Meems

 

Good post Meems.  I take Ibgard for my tummy.  It's mostly peppermint and I started at lowest amount.  It really helped my tummy.  You might read about it on Amazon, but you can get it in most drug stores.  All the supplements I take, I start at the lowest amount, some I can take, some I can't, but just like withdrawal, a little amount until you see how you do. 

[[tr...]]

Welcome treelover! 

[[Sh...]]

Hey tree lover x yeah I’m wondering same about peri menopause x my period has been very strange through all this. Maybe 3 days scant and that’s it. Mine is due in 6 days so looking forward to that.... not!

[[va...]]

Good morning Stut in case you pop in!!!

 

You haven't told us anything about yourself. I hope you're doing fine. I'm glad your daughter found out what she wanted to do at 19.

 

How are your sxs? I suppose there are many cases at your hospital although for what you say maybe your region is not as affected. I hope not.

 

My last cut was only 0.10, that is only a 5%, and yesterday, on day 12 of the cut, the sxs hit boooooom, I thought such a small cut would be much smoother. This is the life of the kindled. I was hoping that I wouldn't even notice such a small cut and that then in a month I would cut a 10% instead of a 5%, but the  sxs yesterday I guess are warning me not to. Or maybe I should go for it I don't know. I'm so scared to crash again like in summer of 2019 but that was like 0.25 mgs of cut every two weeks in the end, that's what made me crash. Maybe cutting 10% a month I would be very symptomatic but wouldn't go into acute wd (my 2019 crash), which is what I fear so much. Well anyway I'll see.

 

Meems I take vitamin D with no issues. Please take it if you're defficient (I am).

 

I agree with the no politics plea. I'm also sick of reading about politics in this forum as I have friends from both sides and everyone here deserves the same respect.

 

 

[[Tr...]]

Good morning everyone! Hope you all have a sxs free day. Wouldn't that be an early Christmas present, a sxs free day? 🤔😉❤️

 

Hello twin! I will certainly hug your great nephew for you! He's a love but he likes to be held like all the day looooong 😂

Feel free to hop in a boat and come on over and walk the floors with him. 😜 How are things with you and the fam? I hope sis is doing well, haven't heard you talk about her lately. Also my niece and the lad I trust they're doing ok as well. Please be careful at work woman. I hope you're not working with the covid patients 😷🙏 love you, LST ❤️

 

HAPPY ELECTION DAY TO ALL MY AMERICAN FRIEND'S! GO EXERCISE YOUR RIGHT TO VOTE NO MATTER WHO YOU SUPPORT IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY DONE SO. 🇺🇲🇺🇸

LOVE TO ALL TRISH ❤️💙🇺🇲🇺🇸

[[De...]]

Thanks Meems!:I'm so sorry you have ptsd. I def think I have it now. I think once we are done and healed 2ith all the work and coping skills we will be fine. It alot to do while your in wd. I never really did anything that bad, but I do feel bad about some. I dont think we 8nterpret thing clearly inwd. Its driving me nuts. Plus I feel the the sx try to scare you. Ive been doing self compassion. If my thoughts started going to a bad place I say is this help or harmful. I say its harmful and then I don't obsess. Hope you are feeling better. Let go of what you can't control and if you can make changes you can. Do what you xan to make your day as pleasant as you can. Dont listen to the benzo and alcoholism lies.

[[su...]]

Hi, Ladies.  Just need a moment to vent.  This last period seemed on par from last month, doable, not fun, but the wave that followed it was brutal.  Feeling down, a bit defeated, but I know I have to remember this is part of the process.  The kicker is I was already overdue for my well woman exam and couldn't get in to my regular OBGYN any time soon, so I opted just to get the appointment done with and saw a certified nurse midwife instead, thinking it was a safe bet given my fragile, ahem shall I say negative feeling right now towards medical appointments in general? 

 

The stage was set when the medical assistant rushed me in when I was still filling out paperwork (usually the office is behind schedule but I was still there 15 minutes earlier). I was already feeling anxious and sweating profusely (this has been an on and off thing lately, so thank you hormones--or maybe withdrawal symptoms, ugh I just don't know anymore??). My BP was high, of course, and then nature called and I needed to use the restroom.  I was literally wiping the sweat off of me with the gown before the CNM came in.  She was pleasant enough at first, but I had no intention of going into the benzo withdrawal whatsoever.  So glad I didn't as when it came time to discuss my ovarian cysts (which my OBGYN is following me for), she began to give me the disapproval vibe that I was wanting to continue the watch, wait and see approach rather than intervening with any surgical procedures or hormones (my cysts are stable and have actually gotten smaller since we began following with periodic ultrasounds).  Immediately I could feel my defensiveness kicking in.  Then we moved onto discussing one of the questionnaires regarding incontinence.  Of course I have had small accidents; of course I have some sudden urges; of course I cannot sneeze or laugh or jump or run without leaking a little.  I'm in my forties and have had babies for goodness’ sakes.  I went through pelvic rehab shortly after my little one was born a couple years ago because of a prolapse and it did improve things a bit, but that is as far as I'm willing to go--even before the benzo nightmare, that was my stance.  It isn't a quality of life issue at all for me, but again, she went on the attack about intervening, that it didn't have to be that way, that wearing a pad wasn't the way to go.  Here was another medical professional pushing, not listening.  And she is a midwife!!  I left the appointment shaking, tears ready to fly, my anxiety rolling, definitely not my "normal" feeling good about self care moment.   

 

This last wave has me not feeling confident about healing right now so I guess I am just super sensitive. Hope you all are faring better. 

 

 

Amanda

[[...]]

I'm at . 75 mgs, 3/4 of the way. It's taken me 2.5 months to get here so I'm guessing it's going to take 7.5 months to be done. I'm feeling pretty good with the exception of looping thoughts and stupid songs stuck in my mind. A little depression but just your garden variety. Sleep's a little off but not bad. It seems like the last mg is going to be the hardest. It's like my body doesn't want to let go of it

[[Me...]]

Hey all - just found out my sister who has lung cancer is in the hospital as she has pneumonia in one of her lungs.  I didn’t talk to her.  Don’t know if she’s been tested for covid or not.  She lives in West Virginia and they don’t have a mask mandate and are very anti mask there so if she does have it she could have contacted it from her boyfriend who could have contracted it and been asymptotic.  I’m jumping to conclusions but how did she just all of a sudden get pneumonia?  I’m here in CA and she’s in West Virginia.  Even if I lived there I wouldn’t be able to visit her.  I am numb.  Please keep her and my mom in your thoughts and prayers.

2020 can go fuck off!  Sorry for my language. 

Meems

[[Ma...]]

Hey all - just found out my sister who has lung cancer is in the hospital as she has pneumonia in one of her lungs.  I didn’t talk to her.  Don’t know if she’s been tested for covid or not.  She lives in West Virginia and they don’t have a mask mandate and are very anti mask there so if she does have it she could have contacted it from her boyfriend who could have contracted it and been asymptotic.  I’m jumping to conclusions but how did she just all of a sudden get pneumonia?  I’m here in CA and she’s in West Virginia.  Even if I lived there I wouldn’t be able to visit her.  I am numb.  Please keep her and my mom in your thoughts and prayers.

2020 can go fuck off!  Sorry for my language. 

Meems

 

I am so so sorry Meems.  My heart hurts for you.  I am sending your whole family healing thoughts.

LY, Mary 🙋🏼🙋🏼😘😘🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏😷.    ❣️💕♥️💝

[[tr...]]

Sunshine: Goodness! I am so sorry! Sadly there are a lot of medical ppl who have never learned the skill of listening and validation.

 

we're all so fragile in our recovery - especially emotionally. and when we have medical professionals "push" their agenda after feeling victimized by meds that turned our lives upside down - well it can be very triggering.

Someone just mentions psyche meds and I can feel myself get my guard up. Like you , I too wait to "feel it out" before I offer info or try to explain my case. Even though I'm still within normal healing time for benzos, if I talk to med professionals I just say I've had a protracted wd from prescribed benzos and I'm a bit hesitant after that experience.

I think she probably was trying to be helpful, wanting to spare you of uneccesary "suffering"..but needs to def change her approach:)

 

Recently a doc offered me steroid shots for my thinning disc, but I refused (bc I'm so darn med sensitive still)  opting to "see what PT can do for me".

If I wasn't in this darn recovery I would jump at that steroid shot.

 

Hugs dear girl..shake it off:)

[[Me...]]

Hey all - just found out my sister who has lung cancer is in the hospital as she has pneumonia in one of her lungs.  I didn’t talk to her.  Don’t know if she’s been tested for covid or not.  She lives in West Virginia and they don’t have a mask mandate and are very anti mask there so if she does have it she could have contacted it from her boyfriend who could have contracted it and been asymptotic.  I’m jumping to conclusions but how did she just all of a sudden get pneumonia?  I’m here in CA and she’s in West Virginia.  Even if I lived there I wouldn’t be able to visit her.  I am numb.  Please keep her and my mom in your thoughts and prayers.

2020 can go fuck off!  Sorry for my language. 

Meems

 

I am so so sorry Meems.  My heart hurts for you.  I am sending your whole family healing thoughts.

LY, Mary 🙋🏼🙋🏼😘😘🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏😷.    ❣️💕♥️💝

 

Thanks Mary.  It’s just one blow after another.  😿

[[Ol...]]

Hey everyone, just popping in to say hello and I hope everyone is holding up ok. Meems, I'm so sorry you are in a wave and that your sister is sick. Sending good thoughts for no covid and a swift recovery. VNM, I'm sorry you are in a wave too. I hope it passes quickly. Great to hear how busy you are!

 

I'm spending the week at my friend's lake house, thought it might be nice to get out of the city for the election. Oregon has had mail in voting as far back as I can remember, it is great. Makes it super easy to vote, pandemic or no. Benzo withdrawal or no too! I voted last week, took it to the ballot drop box so it wouldn't even have to be mailed. I wish every state would do that!

 

I don't think we will know the real results of the election for a few days.

 

I've been doing pretty good. I still have digestive problems every day but the anxiety is gone. I never had it before benzo withdrawal and I am happy to say that it went away right around when I jumped in January. There is hope for everyone! When I imagine all of the time I spent in my room, in my bed all day long because I was scared to leave the house even for a walk around the block, it feels like a nightmare that is not even mine.

 

Sending love to all!

[[Ma...]]

Hey everyone, just popping in to say hello and I hope everyone is holding up ok. Meems, I'm so sorry you are in a wave and that your sister is sick. Sending good thoughts for no covid and a swift recovery. VNM, I'm sorry you are in a wave too. I hope it passes quickly. Great to hear how busy you are!

 

I'm spending the week at my friend's lake house, thought it might be nice to get out of the city for the election. Oregon has had mail in voting as far back as I can remember, it is great. Makes it super easy to vote, pandemic or no. Benzo withdrawal or no too! I voted last week, took it to the ballot drop box so it wouldn't even have to be mailed. I wish every state would do that!

 

I don't think we will know the real results of the election for a few days.

 

I've been doing pretty good. I still have digestive problems every day but the anxiety is gone. I never had it before benzo withdrawal and I am happy to say that it went away right around when I jumped in January. There is hope for everyone! When I imagine all of the time I spent in my room, in my bed all day long because I was scared to leave the house even for a walk around the block, it feels like a nightmare that is not even mine.

 

Sending love to all!

 

Good to hear from you OK!!  We always early vote, the Library where we vote isn't 2 mikes from us.

You have come so far, you are an inspiration to us!!  LY , 🙋🏼🙋🏼😘😘🙏😷

[[Tr...]]

Hi all,

 

Just popped in to send all of you my good thoughts and empathy.

So sorry some of us are going through so much suffering.  Hope you can find strength to hold on.

 

My wave has ended again. The Fibromyalgia pain, caused by the bad weather, is almost gone. Feeling a lot better again. Taking a 20 minute walk and 30 minute bike ride almost every day.

 

Next week I'll be down to 2 mgs of Valium. Yea!

 

Stay strong and safe!

 

Trochsetter

[[De...]]

Great news troch! I'm so glad you are riding your bike again! Be careful! 

[[Ma...]]

Hi all,

 

Just popped in to send all of you my good thoughts and empathy.

So sorry some of us are going through so much suffering.  Hope you can find strength to hold on.

 

My wave has ended again. The Fibromyalgia pain, caused by the bad weather, is almost gone. Feeling a lot better again. Taking a 20 minute walk and 30 minute bike ride almost every day.

 

Next week I'll be down to 2 mgs of Valium. Yea!

 

Stay strong and safe!

 

Trochsetter

 

Good for you Trouch,  :thumbsup: 

[[Gu...]]

Good morning LHSG

 

I’m just hanging on after recent drop to 1.75.  I haven’t updated ticker, maybe later.  Lots to do this week.

 

Main problem is back pain especially in afternoon.  Hard to calm my brain when I wake up at 2AM.  Sometimes I get real dizzy when standing up in AM.  Very poor appetite so I’m drinking Ensure and yogurt.  Trying to eat veggies as well.

 

Wishing you all peace and love.  💕

[[Ma...]]

Good morning LHSG

 

I’m just hanging on after recent drop to 1.75.  I haven’t updated ticker, maybe later.  Lots to do this week.

 

Main problem is back pain especially in afternoon.  Hard to calm my brain when I wake up at 2AM.  Sometimes I get real dizzy when standing up in AM.  Very poor appetite so I’m drinking Ensure and yogurt.  Trying to eat veggies as well.

 

Wishing you all peace and love.  💕

 

I hope you feel better soon our GP.  We miss you, Reba, and RHSC.  .