The Long Hold Support Group

[[ja...]]

Jasmine,

 

I was highly functional on pain killers, benzos, and sleeping pills. I would probably be on them if my idoit doc didn't abruptly quit prescribing Vicodin (he was being investigated). No other doc would give me any so I had to CT. Looking back I feel it was the best thing for me. I caused me to look seriously at these meds that docs give out like candy. It's true that some people seem do do fine on benzos for years but it's been proven that they change your brain cells and chemistry. To me it wasn't worth the risk but I thought I could just quit and found it's harder than opioids. With Vicodin I went through a month of severe WDs but then it got better. With Valium, it just got worst. I was so thankful when I found BB and realized this is serious business and it needs to be tapered gradually. I know it would be tempting just to stay on it for the rest of your life but looking back I think you'll be glad you didn't.

 

BTW there's no reason your taper should have any pain

 

JWL,

again your posts are always encouraging.

i guess right now, i have so much fear. i still have night time panic attacks which i tempering with the betablocker.

my last DMT was painful and it was only from 4mg of V, that is why i was thinking that this time might be worse with teh kindling. but maybe god will have mercy on me.

 

Hi jasmine,

 

Have your read this post, it explains why we have fear, I hope it helps you understand this is a condition caused by the drug.  What is happening in your brain

Pamstee. I know too well this writing. But didn't Cater reinstated?

 

It's my understanding she did reinstate well after recovering from her initial benzo withdrawal due to serious hormone issues.  Her reinstatement has nothing to do with the validity of her contributions to the forum.  She made a reasoned and educated decision to go back to a small dose, something we all have the freedom to do without judgement from others.

 

Pam, I am not judging.  Look at me.

After her post, I went straight up to re instate after 3 full days of akathisia that probably did more damage to my brain than the actual benzo. Some said that she never fully healed...

I am just saying, that knowing all about how things work doesn't take away the pain.

I understand that the admin. Are doing their best.

I am even considering hormones therapy, each time I pms, I need to 5 betablockers to calm down.

[[ja...]]

Guys

It is me again.  I was able to sleep 7 hours straight with 5mg of valium. A giant dose for my 107lbs body. But woke up shaking like a leaf. I took 2 beta blockers and 2mg of valium to calm down.

Once you are stabilized do you have daily morning panic like this?

 

7 hours of sleep is great. No, you shouldn't have morning panic attacks once you stabilize.

 

Careful with the beta blockers. Your BP and heart rate seem low to me. It's good you're monitoring it regularly. What does your doc think?

 

This is a good example of the difference between traditional docs and functional docs. A traditional doc says: "you're having panic attacks and your BP is going up so let's lower it." A functional doc says: "lets find out why your adrenal gland is producing so much cortisol and adrenaline and treat it".

 

I'm not telling you to change docs (or to quit taking beta blockers) especially if he's a benzo wise doc, but it wouldn't hurt to get a second opinion and tackle the problem using both approaches.

 

She is okay with it. She thinks it is only for the time I stabilize

She said that typically,  people with my level of anxiety  re instate at 15mg. But since I didn't want to take more than 9mg, I had to deal with the anxiety differently.

What could go wrong if my heart rate is low?

I will see a doc for NAD soon once I stabilize

I need sone hope.

[[Pa...]]

Jasmine,

 

I was highly functional on pain killers, benzos, and sleeping pills. I would probably be on them if my idoit doc didn't abruptly quit prescribing Vicodin (he was being investigated). No other doc would give me any so I had to CT. Looking back I feel it was the best thing for me. I caused me to look seriously at these meds that docs give out like candy. It's true that some people seem do do fine on benzos for years but it's been proven that they change your brain cells and chemistry. To me it wasn't worth the risk but I thought I could just quit and found it's harder than opioids. With Vicodin I went through a month of severe WDs but then it got better. With Valium, it just got worst. I was so thankful when I found BB and realized this is serious business and it needs to be tapered gradually. I know it would be tempting just to stay on it for the rest of your life but looking back I think you'll be glad you didn't.

 

BTW there's no reason your taper should have any pain

 

JWL,

again your posts are always encouraging.

i guess right now, i have so much fear. i still have night time panic attacks which i tempering with the betablocker.

my last DMT was painful and it was only from 4mg of V, that is why i was thinking that this time might be worse with teh kindling. but maybe god will have mercy on me.

 

Hi jasmine,

 

Have your read this post, it explains why we have fear, I hope it helps you understand this is a condition caused by the drug.  What is happening in your brain

Pamstee. I know too well this writing. But didn't Cater reinstated?

 

It's my understanding she did reinstate well after recovering from her initial benzo withdrawal due to serious hormone issues.  Her reinstatement has nothing to do with the validity of her contributions to the forum.  She made a reasoned and educated decision to go back to a small dose, something we all have the freedom to do without judgement from others.

 

Pam, I am not judging.  Look at me.

After her post, I went straight up to re instate after 3 full days of akathisia that probably did more damage to my brain than the actual benzo. Some said that she never fully healed...

I am just saying, that knowing all about how things work doesn't take away the pain.

I understand that the admin. Are doing their best.

I am even considering hormones therapy, each time I pms, I need to 5 betablockers to calm down.

 

Hi Jasmine,

 

I didn't get the impression you were judging Parker, I was speaking more to the community since I've seen some comments which bordered on judgement. 

 

My suggestion to you would be to keep it simple, try to avoid adding more to your already overworked and chemically bombarded brain.  Think about what a miracle the human body is and how it's survived thousands of years without nasty drugs.  If we could only find a way to allow it to do it's job without all of these drugs, perhaps it could get back to doing what it knows how to do, heal itself. 

 

I know I'm speaking in generalizations but I hope you'll find that less is more when it comes to medicating against benzo dependence and withdrawal.

[[Tr...]]

TWIN OH TWIN WHERE ARE YOU?  MISSING YOU AND HOPE YOU COME BACK SOON  :'( I'LL KEEP THE PORCH LIGHT ON FOR YOU 😢

LOVE YOU, LST❤️

[[ja...]]

I think I need to take a break from the forum. It adds to my fear of taking meds despite that they saved my life a few week ago.

[[Me...]]

Hi all - it’s my 50th birthday 🎁 today.  Never did I think I’d be in this place at 50.  10 years ago for 40 I had about 20 people at a beach/bonfire party here in So Cal.  That makes me sad.  Now I’m so isolated but have to accept that I’m in this place and working to get better - Holding - and will start again once I have more stabilization.  Now At the bday I’m isolated and it sucks but it is the way it is.  Like us all and millions of people - I will one day be free.  We all will. 

 

So my bday is with my Benzo buddies.  I’m cool with that.  You guys are saving my sanity. 

 

Today I feel so out of it.  I think I’m gonna switch to take my Valium dose at night so maybe that will my sleep better.  Since I had the panic attack when Maggie was euthanized I have the lightheaded and dizziness which is one of my scary sxs, I’m in fear about vertigo.  Idk, could be inner ear imbalance which I’ve had before.  Idk, stress triggers brain responses.  It’s imperative we try to deal with stress.  Y’all know I’ve got a lot of it. 

 

I hope you’re all hanging in - windows or waves.  It’s all healing - holding or not.  Where is everyone?  The weekend was quiet. 

 

Love ❤️ all

Meems

 

[[Tr...]]

Hi all - it’s my 50th birthday 🎁 today.  Never did I think I’d be in this place at 50.  10 years ago for 40 I had about 20 people at a beach/bonfire party here in So Cal.  That makes me sad.  Now I’m so isolated but have to accept that I’m in this place and working to get better - Holding - and will start again once I have more stabilization.  Now At the bday I’m isolated and it sucks but it is the way it is.  Like us all and millions of people - I will one day be free.  We all will. 

 

So my bday is with my Benzo buddies.  I’m cool with that.  You guys are saving my sanity. 

 

Today I feel so out of it.  I think I’m gonna switch to take my Valium dose at night so maybe that will my sleep better.  Since I had the panic attack when Maggie was euthanized I have the lightheaded and dizziness which is one of my scary sxs, I’m in fear about vertigo.  Idk, could be inner ear imbalance which I’ve had before.  Idk, stress triggers brain responses.  It’s imperative we try to deal with stress.  Y’all know I’ve got a lot of it. 

 

I hope you’re all hanging in - windows or waves.  It’s all healing - holding or not.  Where is everyone?  The weekend was quiet. 

 

Love ❤️ all

Meems

Hey Meems! Happy birthday lady!  I know this birthday is a tough one with covid and wd but I hope you at least treat yourself to a day of pampering! Take a bath, watch a good movie, be kind to you it's your day regardless of where you spend it! No matter what you do today I hope you at least have cake 🎂!  .. now that I've said that I might just get some for me 🤔.. I mean it's Meem's birthday here what kind of friend would I be if I didn't join in that celebration ? I'm totally just going to probably have some cake only and I mean only bc it's your b day 🤥🤥 :laugh:

 

Gotta run girl in babysitting my granddaughter but couldn't let the day go by without wishing you a very happy birthday! Your the best Meem's we love you here, you're a gem. ❤️

Trishy, 💞💞🎉🥳🎉🎈🎁

[[Ol...]]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEEMS!!

 

 

I'm sorry you have to spend it in benzo quarantine. We all love you!

[[Gi...]]

Hi all - it’s my 50th birthday 🎁 today.  Never did I think I’d be in this place at 50.  10 years ago for 40 I had about 20 people at a beach/bonfire party here in So Cal.  That makes me sad.  Now I’m so isolated but have to accept that I’m in this place and working to get better - Holding - and will start again once I have more stabilization.  Now At the bday I’m isolated and it sucks but it is the way it is.  Like us all and millions of people - I will one day be free.  We all will. 

 

So my bday is with my Benzo buddies.  I’m cool with that.  You guys are saving my sanity. 

 

Today I feel so out of it.  I think I’m gonna switch to take my Valium dose at night so maybe that will my sleep better.  Since I had the panic attack when Maggie was euthanized I have the lightheaded and dizziness which is one of my scary sxs, I’m in fear about vertigo.  Idk, could be inner ear imbalance which I’ve had before.  Idk, stress triggers brain responses.  It’s imperative we try to deal with stress.  Y’all know I’ve got a lot of it. 

 

I hope you’re all hanging in - windows or waves.  It’s all healing - holding or not.  Where is everyone?  The weekend was quiet. 

 

Love ❤️ all

Meems

 

Happy birthday Meems!  Nothing about this year is normal and the pickle we're all in with benzos is not normal either.  I struggle with the lightheaded and dizziness too. 

You're right about learning to deal with stress.  It's an ongoing battle, life keeps throwing obstacles in our way.

Still, I do believe we will prevail.  We're all good people in a bad situation, but good always wins in the end.

  Ginger

[[Me...]]

Hi all - it’s my 50th birthday 🎁 today.  Never did I think I’d be in this place at 50.  10 years ago for 40 I had about 20 people at a beach/bonfire party here in So Cal.  That makes me sad.  Now I’m so isolated but have to accept that I’m in this place and working to get better - Holding - and will start again once I have more stabilization.  Now At the bday I’m isolated and it sucks but it is the way it is.  Like us all and millions of people - I will one day be free.  We all will. 

 

So my bday is with my Benzo buddies.  I’m cool with that.  You guys are saving my sanity. 

 

Today I feel so out of it.  I think I’m gonna switch to take my Valium dose at night so maybe that will my sleep better.  Since I had the panic attack when Maggie was euthanized I have the lightheaded and dizziness which is one of my scary sxs, I’m in fear about vertigo.  Idk, could be inner ear imbalance which I’ve had before.  Idk, stress triggers brain responses.  It’s imperative we try to deal with stress.  Y’all know I’ve got a lot of it. 

 

I hope you’re all hanging in - windows or waves.  It’s all healing - holding or not.  Where is everyone?  The weekend was quiet. 

 

Love ❤️ all

Meems

Hey Meems! Happy birthday lady!  I know this birthday is a tough one with covid and wd but I hope you at least treat yourself to a day of pampering! Take a bath, watch a good movie, be kind to you it's your day regardless of where you spend it! No matter what you do today I hope you at least have cake 🎂!  .. now that I've said that I might just get some for me 🤔.. I mean it's Meem's birthday here what kind of friend would I be if I didn't join in that celebration ? I'm totally just going to probably have some cake only and I mean only bc it's your b day 🤥🤥 :laugh:

 

Gotta run girl in babysitting my granddaughter but couldn't let the day go by without wishing you a very happy birthday! Your the best Meem's we love you here, you're a gem. ❤️

Trishy, 💞💞🎉🥳🎉🎈🎁

 

Yes!  Eat cake.  Thank you for your lovely birthday wish.  We’re all in this together.  My sister in law said they saw on FB (I don’t use FB anymore) that our birthdays this year don’t count so we get to stay a year younger. 

Love you 😍

Meems

[[Me...]]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEEMS!!

 

 

I'm sorry you have to spend it in benzo quarantine. We all love you!

 

KITTY CAKE!  Sooooo cute!  Thank you Olive Kitty.  Party time.

Love you 😍

Meems.

[[Me...]]

Hi all - it’s my 50th birthday 🎁 today.  Never did I think I’d be in this place at 50.  10 years ago for 40 I had about 20 people at a beach/bonfire party here in So Cal.  That makes me sad.  Now I’m so isolated but have to accept that I’m in this place and working to get better - Holding - and will start again once I have more stabilization.  Now At the bday I’m isolated and it sucks but it is the way it is.  Like us all and millions of people - I will one day be free.  We all will. 

 

So my bday is with my Benzo buddies.  I’m cool with that.  You guys are saving my sanity. 

 

Today I feel so out of it.  I think I’m gonna switch to take my Valium dose at night so maybe that will my sleep better.  Since I had the panic attack when Maggie was euthanized I have the lightheaded and dizziness which is one of my scary sxs, I’m in fear about vertigo.  Idk, could be inner ear imbalance which I’ve had before.  Idk, stress triggers brain responses.  It’s imperative we try to deal with stress.  Y’all know I’ve got a lot of it. 

 

I hope you’re all hanging in - windows or waves.  It’s all healing - holding or not.  Where is everyone?  The weekend was quiet. 

 

Love ❤️ all

Meems

 

Happy birthday Meems!  Nothing about this year is normal and the pickle we're all in with benzos is not normal either.  I struggle with the lightheaded and dizziness too. 

You're right about learning to deal with stress.  It's an ongoing battle, life keeps throwing obstacles in our way.

Still, I do believe we will prevail.  We're all good people in a bad situation, but good always wins in the end.

  Ginger

 

Thank you 🙏 Ginger.  Ya it’s a tough year for all of us with Covid and w/d.  I am so glad to hear you struggle with the lightheaded and dizziness.  I’m mean I’m not happy for you, I’m just happy to hear I’m not alone.  Thank you for the bday wishes.  May we have the day where we have Benzo free bday.

 

Mwah 😘

Meems

[[...]]

I think I need to take a break from the forum. It adds to my fear of taking meds despite that they saved my life a few week ago.

 

Jasmine,

 

I hope I wasn't talking you into not taking meds. If I did I apologize. I think what I was saying was you need to be careful with any kind of medication. I think all of us on this forum have gone through what you're going through now and we are cheering you on. You've come so far in just 2 weeks and you have every reason for a recovery.

[[...]]

Happy birthday Meems! Splurge and spoil yourself today

[[ja...]]

I think I need to take a break from the forum. It adds to my fear of taking meds despite that they saved my life a few week ago.

 

Jasmine,

 

I hope I wasn't talking you into not taking meds. If I did I apologize. I think what I was saying was you need to be careful with any kind of medication. I think all of us on this forum have gone through what you're going through now and we are cheering you on. You've come so far in just 2 weeks and you have every reason for a recovery.

 

No, it is not you.

I always appreciated your feedback.

I feel very tired right now. Very weak. I spent my whole day in bed. IA m tired of the anxiety.  Hopefully it will abate as I stabilize.  My psychiatrist told me that with time, every one stabilize. I feel in an impasse right now. It seems that I need a miracle to come out of this.

I can't live in constand fear. Xoxoxo

 

Did you feel tired on 10mg of valium?  How was your sleep?

Did vitamin C help with the morning surge?

[[ja...]]

All I did today was to lay in bed and doze off. Got up to the bathroom. Didn't have the energy to call my husband, had to ccell phone him to get some food. I still have my periods.  The progesterone dip is a killer.

 

How in the world can I taper 9mg of valium?

I have heard of some people who feel.better ad they taper,  oh I so wish to be among them.

My brain is smushed.

My husband said that it is a good thing since I am not pacing anymore and rest my nervous system.

[[Pa...]]

I think I need to take a break from the forum. It adds to my fear of taking meds despite that they saved my life a few week ago.

 

Jasmine,

 

Like Jwl, it was not my intention to dissuade from taking life saving drugs, my comment was to try to help you be aware of what is helping and hopefully what isn't.  I understand this is very difficult but most of us got here because we took a pill without fully understanding the ramifications, I just don't want to see you complicate your situation.  I'm glad you're working in concert with your Dr, I certainly don't wish to interfere with the advice you're receiving from the medical profession.

 

I hope you feel better soon.

 

Pamster

[[Ma...]]

Hi all - it’s my 50th birthday 🎁 today.  Never did I think I’d be in this place at 50.  10 years ago for 40 I had about 20 people at a beach/bonfire party here in So Cal.  That makes me sad.  Now I’m so isolated but have to accept that I’m in this place and working to get better - Holding - and will start again once I have more stabilization.  Now At the bday I’m isolated and it sucks but it is the way it is.  Like us all and millions of people - I will one day be free.  We all will. 

 

So my bday is with my Benzo buddies.  I’m cool with that.  You guys are saving my sanity. 

 

Today I feel so out of it.  I think I’m gonna switch to take my Valium dose at night so maybe that will my sleep better.  Since I had the panic attack when Maggie was euthanized I have the lightheaded and dizziness which is one of my scary sxs, I’m in fear about vertigo.  Idk, could be inner ear imbalance which I’ve had before.  Idk, stress triggers brain responses.  It’s imperative we try to deal with stress.  Y’all know I’ve got a lot of it. 

 

I hope you’re all hanging in - windows or waves.  It’s all healing - holding or not.  Where is everyone?  The weekend was quiet. 

 

Love ❤️ all

Meems

[/quote/]

 

 

:happybday:     to Meems!!    :balloon:

🙋🏼🙋🏼🙋🏼.    🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈 🍾🍾🍾 🎂🍨.  ♥️♥️.    50 was a great year for me Meems.  I hope things can turn around for all of us and it ends up being a great one for you too.  LY, Mary

🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

[[Ma...]]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEEMS!!

 

 

I'm sorry you have to spend it in benzo quarantine. We all love you!

 

Oh, that's great!!    :laugh:

[[Me...]]

Happy birthday Meems! Splurge and spoil yourself today

 

JWL - thank you!  😁

[[Me...]]

Hi all - it’s my 50th birthday 🎁 today.  Never did I think I’d be in this place at 50.  10 years ago for 40 I had about 20 people at a beach/bonfire party here in So Cal.  That makes me sad.  Now I’m so isolated but have to accept that I’m in this place and working to get better - Holding - and will start again once I have more stabilization.  Now At the bday I’m isolated and it sucks but it is the way it is.  Like us all and millions of people - I will one day be free.  We all will. 

 

So my bday is with my Benzo buddies.  I’m cool with that.  You guys are saving my sanity. 

 

Today I feel so out of it.  I think I’m gonna switch to take my Valium dose at night so maybe that will my sleep better.  Since I had the panic attack when Maggie was euthanized I have the lightheaded and dizziness which is one of my scary sxs, I’m in fear about vertigo.  Idk, could be inner ear imbalance which I’ve had before.  Idk, stress triggers brain responses.  It’s imperative we try to deal with stress.  Y’all know I’ve got a lot of it. 

 

I hope you’re all hanging in - windows or waves.  It’s all healing - holding or not.  Where is everyone?  The weekend was quiet. 

 

Love ❤️ all

Meems

[/quote/]

 

 

:happybday:     to Meems!!    :balloon:

🙋🏼🙋🏼🙋🏼.    🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈 🍾🍾🍾 🎂🍨.  ♥️♥️.    50 was a great year for me Meems.  I hope things can turn around for all of us and it ends up being a great one for you too.  LY, Mary

🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

 

Mary Mary Mary - thank you!  It WILL all turn around for us.  We’ve seen it happen to millions.  You know the saying goes “the only way through it, is through it.”  Thank you for the bday wishes. 

LY

Meems 😘

[[Me...]]

Mary - I love your ticker.  You are out of the 8’s.  Yay!  Keep trudging the road. 

[[Ma...]]

Mary - I love your ticker.  You are out of the 8’s.  Yay!  Keep trudging the road. 

 

Trudge is a good word for it Meems 

[[ja...]]

I think I need to take a break from the forum. It adds to my fear of taking meds despite that they saved my life a few week ago.

 

Jasmine,

 

Like Jwl, it was not my intention to dissuade from taking life saving drugs, my comment was to try to help you be aware of what is helping and hopefully what isn't.  I understand this is very difficult but most of us got here because we took a pill without fully understanding the ramifications, I just don't want to see you complicate your situation.  I'm glad you're working in concert with your Dr, I certainly don't wish to interfere with the advice you're receiving from the medical profession.

 

I hope you feel better soon.

 

Pamster

 

Believe me, I am very well aware

That is why my husband doesn't want me to spend too much time on here, so does my doc. They want me to take my meds to stabilize. I just want to stay in the long hold group.

[[ki...]]

:happybday: Happy Birthday Meems! ❤️