The Long Hold Support Group

[[va...]]

Yes I had reinstated 2 days ago. Some of the terrible symptoms are gone but not other. Suicidal akiteisia is gone.

I am trying to stabilize but would like to know if in your experience by holding and stabilizing, the symptoms usually drop with time. I have issue with burning and cortisol surge.

Thank you.

 

Hi Jasmine,

 

So you finished your valium taper almost a year ago, and your lexapro taper 14 months ago. You felt healed. Then you had a huge setback due to MSG and just two days ago, after one year off valium, you have reinstated the valium. If you asked me, I would consider these as rescue doses you have taken, and I would not go down the valium nor SSRI path again. This is what I would choose. But of course as you are presenting the intrusive thoughts of the worst kind, I dare not influence you in one way or another because this is very serious and I don't want to give any advice that could lead you to make a bad decision. I have no idea how MSG can bring akathisia after one whole year off all drugs, but these drugs are unpredictable so I will not question it. I am at a loss but I would ask you to not lose hope and wait until a more experienced buddy comes and talks to you. Please, write a post also in the section "SETBACKS" and see if more people find you there. I really hope you get better soon.

[[tr...]]

another month..another period..theres waves and then theres hormone waves. For me they are two different things. Its hard to explain but the menstrual wave for me is a reminder of acute wd. I don't want to be dramatic or a downer, but it truly brings me to my knees..I can barely function. Physical and mental/emotional symptoms.

 

BUT..i know if I give it a couple days I will be more functional again and my mood will shift for the better.

 

In the meantime it just plain sucks. 

 

I really do plan one day to write on here and say "hey guys - it does get better". Maybe next month? 

[[ki...]]

Jasmine, I am with Vali, I don’t want to guide you in the wrong direction especially with your severe symptoms. I haven’t had akathesia, but I have been hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital, I don’t recommend it if it can be avoided. Valium takes a long time to build up in your system so it will likely take a long time before you feel better if it does work. After my crash in October and reinstatement (I only stayed off Valium for 4 days), it took me 2 months before I felt somewhat ok. Whatever you decide... patience and time will be your greatest allies.

[[ki...]]

another month..another period..theres waves and then theres hormone waves. For me they are two different things. Its hard to explain but the menstrual wave for me is a reminder of acute wd. I don't want to be dramatic or a downer, but it truly brings me to my knees..I can barely function. Physical and mental/emotional symptoms.

 

BUT..i know if I give it a couple days I will be more functional again and my mood will shift for the better.

 

In the meantime it just plain sucks. 

 

I really do plan one day to write on here and say "hey guys - it does get better". Maybe next month? 

 

I hear you. I had the worst wave I’ve ever had starting just before my period and just ending yesterday. It passes. That’s the only thing I can tell myself. It doesn’t last forever and I know I can make it through as I’ve made it through every one before that.

[[ja...]]

I am hoping to stabilize at 0.5mg

[[tr...]]

Kits: i know...I talk to myself too ("you can do this again..."). Its ridiculous bc I literally am scheduling things around my period..on the bright side at least its predictable. lol

[[va...]]

Again, I'm not apt to handle this situation. All I can say is that if you've found a dose of benzo that has stopped your self harm ideation, I would personally hold on to that dose and not make any changes for a very very long time. Please seek professional advice. There are benzo wise therapists like Baylissa and I know there are others online. Ask in the forum.

[[De...]]

I agree with vali too. Please keep reaching out. Dont hurt yourself, thi gs will get better. Can I ask why you are taking two benzos?

[[ja...]]

just one benzo, valium.

but i am afraid to take it and i have immense anxiety. the pacing is back.

i keep thinking that the valium doesn't work anymore but my husband said that is because i haven't taken enough.

my doctor wants me to take enough to calm down for a week and then find the dosage that i can stay on for a while to stabilize.

i am worry that if i take 10mg, i will be stuck with 10mg for the rest of my life.

i have a fear of benzo, but my akathisia was so bad that i decided to go back on it.

i am okay with taking benzo for 0.5mg for the rest if my life but not 10mg

my husband thinks that my priorities right now is to stabilize.

i have 2 small kids.

 

my symptoms are:

full body jerks

• • insomnia
    akathesia
    fear
    burning
    head buzzing
    heart palpitations
    adrenaline surge night and day
    complete incontinence, i have to wear an adult diaper
    loud Tinnitus
    
  • 
    

   

  [*]

when i take my valium most of them disappear.

 

i am worried that my doc doesn't know what she is doing.

she wants me to stabilize first and then later think about tapering.

i am so afraid of tapering from 10mg, it will take me ages since i am already so kindled

 

For the sake of our membership, all references to self harm and/or harming others have been removed from this thread. Please click on the following link if you are thinking about suicide, self-harm, or harming others: Self Harm and Ideation-Revised Policy

 

[[De...]]

8m sorry I must have read your signature wrong. I am so sorry you are feeling this way. If you feel ok on the dose you are on then maybe you do not need an increase. Idk. May e others will chime in. Maybe you need a really long hold to stabilize. Please do not hurt yourself. Maybe you should go for a physical too and get your labs done to be on the safe side. Maybe get your thyroid checked. If your on a dose now it's ok dont worry. They to relax and work on your anxiety. There are great videos on utube. A therapist can help too. As you no they aren't benzowise. I dont bother bringing it up. Let's see what others say. Like vali said baylissa frederick is very helpful. You can subscribe to her online. She went thru bwd herself. She's a therapist now. Please stay safe.

[[va...]]

Jasmine I have my own thoughts but this is too serious for us to give opinions on it. All I know is that 10 mg Valium is better than self harm. What you should avoid at all costs is going up and down in doses.

[[ja...]]

when you hold for a long time, do the symptoms go away?

[[va...]]

when you hold for a long time, do the symptoms go away?

 

Usually when people hold for a  long time without making changes in drugs, they tend to get more stable.

[[ja...]]

but do symptoms drop away?

i have burning arm and chest, will they go away if i don't make any changes?

[[Tr...]]

just one benzo, valium.

but i am afraid to take it and i have immense anxiety. the pacing is back.

i keep thinking that the valium doesn't work anymore but my husband said that is because i haven't taken enough.

my doctor wants me to take enough to calm down for a week and then find the dosage that i can stay on for a while to stabilize.

i am worry that if i take 10mg, i will be stuck with 10mg for the rest of my life.

i have a fear of benzo, but my akathisia was so bad that i decided to go back on it or take my own life.

i am okay with taking benzo for 0.5mg for the rest if my life but not 10mg

my husband thinks that my priorities right now is to stabilize.

i have 2 small kids.

 

my symptoms are:

full body jerks

• • insomnia
    akathesia
    fear
    burning
    head buzzing
    heart palpitations
    adrenaline surge night and day
    complete incontinence, i have to wear an adult diaper
    loud Tinnitus
    
  • 
    

   

  [*]

when i take my valium most of them disappear.

 

i am worried that my doc doesn't know what she is doing.

she wants me to stabilize first and then later think about tapering.

i am so afraid of tapering from 10mg, it will take me ages since i am already so kindled

Hi jas,

I have only read through quickly what's happening with you. All you symtoms sound like wd. If you are not on a steady dose of benzo and are going up and down in dosage daily or frequently you will experience withdrawal. You have to remain on a set, steady dose. You can not go up and down. You will only stabalise on a set dose. So choose what dose that is and STAY there. You will have to ride out the sxs until your body adjusts to the dosage and that could take weeks or months. I once had all the above mentioned sxs except for the adult diapers. It all sounds like wd to me.

Also if you feel the need to harm yourself you should seek medical help immediately.

We can only offer support here and give you our experiences and tell you what we think it is. We are not Drs but will help where we can.

I will repeat bc it bares repeating that you need to stick to a dosage and remain there until all sxs abate then revisit the idea of tapering.

I hope some of that helps.. Like I said I did not read all of your posts so I may have this picture wrong.

Trishy

[[Gi...]]

Jasmine I have my own thoughts but this is too serious for us to give opinions on it. All I know is that 10 mg Valium is better than self harm. What you should avoid at all costs is going up and down in doses.

I agree 100%.  In my opinion, if you are having suicidal ideations that is really beyond the scope of this forum to advise you on dosage.  You have reinstated and should seek out professional help.  If you are unhappy with your doctor seek a second opinion. G

[[Tr...]]

but do symptoms drop away?

i have burning arm and chest, will they go away if i don't make any changes?

From my own experience when I held for 6 months I improved greatly. I felt like a new person. I have had two long holds like that and have only benefited. Everyone is different so no one can tell you to what digree you will improve but you will improve. I've been here for 2 yrs and all the people I know here have improved from holding their dose. So in my opinion your chances are good that you'll improve. We wouldn't be called the long hold support group and we wouldn't be here if long holds didn't work. They can and do.

Please hold your dose whatever that is and please, please get professional help if there need to harm yourself happens again.

Be well,

Trishy

[[va...]]

Jasmine, Trishy gave you great advice and I fully agree with her.

 

Suzy are you any better today? Did you have a better night? Do you still have palpitations? When was your last cut? I'm sending you a big hug and hoping you feel better soon. I'm having a lot of symptoms so my taper will have to be even slower that I had planned. When's your next doctor appointment? I know you hate those.

[[St...]]

just one benzo, valium.

but i am afraid to take it and i have immense anxiety. the pacing is back.

i keep thinking that the valium doesn't work anymore but my husband said that is because i haven't taken enough.

my doctor wants me to take enough to calm down for a week and then find the dosage that i can stay on for a while to stabilize.

i am worry that if i take 10mg, i will be stuck with 10mg for the rest of my life.

i have a fear of benzo, but my akathisia was so bad that i decided to go back on it or take my own life.

i am okay with taking benzo for 0.5mg for the rest if my life but not 10mg

my husband thinks that my priorities right now is to stabilize.

i have 2 small kids.

 

my symptoms are:

full body jerks

• • insomnia
    akathesia
    fear
    burning
    head buzzing
    heart palpitations
    adrenaline surge night and day
    complete incontinence, i have to wear an adult diaper
    loud Tinnitus
    
  • 
    

   

  [*]

when i take my valium most of them disappear.

 

i am worried that my doc doesn't know what she is doing.

she wants me to stabilize first and then later think about tapering.

i am so afraid of tapering from 10mg, it will take me ages since i am already so kindled

Morning Jasmine sorry you are suffering so much.Now if you have a compulsion causing you to self harm get yourself into a secure unit until this can be sorted out.l know for sure your husband will try to keep you safe however if someone is determined to do it they need a lot of supervision.

.I don't care if you are kindled etc this is about saving your life so take the benzo . This will settle given enough time however if you are a danger to yourself get the help you need.

I have to say you are a wife and a mother so you owe it to your family to stay safe.l am dealing with this at this time and the fallout from suicide is beyond wordsThat is not a legacy you want to leave to your family.X

[[St...]]

Good morning LHSG hoping everyone has a better day.

Morning Vali sorry your suffering honey take it as slow as you need to.l know for me the last couple of mgs have been tricky however with time and patience you will get through this.I hope you and your daughter are able to get out a bit more?Stay strong my lovely.love you.X

Morning Suzy try not to freak out when symptoms appear.My symptoms change constantly there is absolutely no rhyme or reason to any of this.The best we can do is try to get on with our life the best we can.Time will help so slow and steady my love.love you.X

Morning Ginger are you feeling better?l know you are heading off soon.l am jealous enjoy the weather and scenery.Sounds idyllic.love you.X

Morning Twiny how are you holding up?Are you feeling any less worried? Have to say honey you just described every mother l know 😜.Northern Ireland breeds Mothers like that.l will always be the one my daughter runs to with her problems however after a chat l will let her sort it out herself.l also know that l have taught her well and she can keep herself safe.Some things we can't control and nature is definitely one of them however each of us have to take responsibility for our own health and wellbeing.I know you think your a control freak but your not you are just anxious honey which you can work on my lovely.Give my wee dote a hug from his favourite Auntie.love you my lST X

Morning Kit how are you my love?Are you beginning to stabilise? Just stay put until things settle down.It will take as long as it takes.love you.X

. Morning GP are you still having the vibrations?l hope you are getting some relief.Stay strong.love you.X

. Morning Nova yes my AS you have suffered for a long time and you have tried every method to get off this poison so l think for once just let this play out and see what happens.l know holding is so hard however hopefully you will benefit.l do believe you will.l hope your sister is doing ok sorry to read she isn't well.You hopefully will get to a level where you are able to get over to see her.Love you.X

Morning Troch well done honey you let it pass.That is an improvement you will get through this with time and patience and acceptance.Now please don't overcut.love you.X

Love to all here here.X

[[Tr...]]

Hi Stut,

 

So glad to see you popped in again to give us all some personalised tender love and care. I for one am so grateful to you for suggesting earlier this year, that it was time to work on my health anxiety. And I did. The Paroxetine is doing its job, without many side effects. I feel so much better now! There still are physical issues, but the awful anxiety is gone for 95 %.

The courses how to handle chronic pain have paid off as well. Acceptance and commitment being key words in the whole process.

The next cuts will be very small ones, be sure of that...

 

I hope you're doing OK. Love you too. X

[[Gi...]]

Good morning LHSG hoping everyone has a better day.

Morning Vali sorry your suffering honey take it as slow as you need to.l know for me the last couple of mgs have been tricky however with time and patience you will get through this.I hope you and your daughter are able to get out a bit more?Stay strong my lovely.love you.X

Morning Suzy try not to freak out when symptoms appear.My symptoms change constantly there is absolutely no rhyme or reason to any of this.The best we can do is try to get on with our life the best we can.Time will help so slow and steady my love.love you.X

Morning Ginger are you feeling better?l know you are heading off soon.l am jealous enjoy the weather and scenery.Sounds idyllic.love you.X

Morning Twiny how are you holding up?Are you feeling any less worried? Have to say honey you just described every mother l know 😜.Northern Ireland breeds Mothers like that.l will always be the one my daughter runs to with her problems however after a chat l will let her sort it out herself.l also know that l have taught her well and she can keep herself safe.Some things we can't control and nature is definitely one of them however each of us have to take responsibility for our own health and wellbeing.I know you think your a control freak but your not you are just anxious honey which you can work on my lovely.Give my wee dote a hug from his favourite Auntie.love you my lST X

Morning Kit how are you my love?Are you beginning to stabilise? Just stay put until things settle down.It will take as long as it takes.love you.X

. Morning GP are you still having the vibrations?l hope you are getting some relief.Stay strong.love you.X

. Morning Nova yes my AS you have suffered for a long time and you have tried every method to get off this poison so l think for once just let this play out and see what happens.l know holding is so hard however hopefully you will benefit.l do believe you will.l hope your sister is doing ok sorry to read she isn't well.You hopefully will get to a level where you are able to get over to see her.Love you.X

Morning Troch well done honey you let it pass.That is an improvement you will get through this with time and patience and acceptance.Now please don't overcut.love you.X

Love to all here here.X

 

Good morning Stut.  I'm having a rough day after a rough night.  Sx ramped up so poor sleep, headache, dizziness and the usual heart sx and BP spikes.  I'll make it though, I always do, and better days always come.  In their time, but they do come.  We all just soldier on towards benzo freedom.

 

On the plus side it is a beautiful day here.  Sunny and will be about 85 so no complaints there.  Have a good day everyone.  I hope everyone is having some nice summer weather. G

[[De...]]

H8 v,

Today was definitely better. No heart palps only if I start to doze off. I'm sorry your sx are bad. I should go to the dr. Should push myself. Big hug to you too. ❤

 

Hi Stut,

I'm trying, ugh. I'm sorry the last few are rough. unbelievable this drug! There is no rhyme or reason to my sx either. It seems like the afternoon I have waves. Morning and night not to bad. Its messed up. It's the psychological stuff. I'm just trying to not fight it a now it's not me and distract. Hang in there you are doing so good! Ly suzy

[[va...]]

Yes it's such a struggle really. I was just reading an article that said "the pandemic will continue well into 2021", and I thought "and we'll still be in bwd and tapering well into 2022 and beyond that".

[[va...]]

Stutt thanks for the encouragement. I hope you see the benzo free light one of these days or months. You deserve it. I don't know if I'll break free ever. I'm going so slowly and it's still a struggle, so really, I'm not sure. Can't go any faster. I have too much on my plate and nobody here to help me chew it.

 

Suzy let's go slow and suffer less. It's not worth it 😔