Discussion: Four Phases of Withdrawal-Where Are You?

[[Fo...]]

Thank you from me too

[[Ho...]]

Thank you sofaking! Much needed encouragement!

[[pr...]]

Thank you Sofa so much for your help along the way. Happy to hear you are doing well. :smitten:

 

Thanks so much Pamster for being a great example of what love and compassion really look like!

 

PG

[[La...]]

Phase 2 still but improving slowly. Waves and windows within a day. Doing simple things like cooking a small meal or folding clothes sets off a wave. That wave is normally not too bad and dissipates quickly when I rest in bed. Sofa is right about keeping things moving but unfortunately my spirit is willing but my flesh is weak. The intolerance of standing up or walking around prevents me from getting much exercise especially simple walking. When it isn’t so intense I get up and try to do it anyway. When I can’t I sit on the side of my bed and do exercises. Every little bit counts. I’m noticing more sensitivity so hopefully I’ll make a big leap in my healing so I can proudly announce when I’m in phase 3. My windows and waves definitely have a daily pattern. The waves are definitely less intense but still rough. The windows are better quality and little longer. So it’s true that we improve….if I could just go for walks, I’d be so happy! It’s coming soon so I’m hanging in there. Great reading all of your posts. I’m soooooooooo proud of all of us. 

Big hugs to everyone.

[[le...]]

Thanks sofa kingdone,after 3 years with little improvement, no windows needed to read something like that. Some days I do feel I'm just hanging on by my finger tips. My symptoms largely mental. I make myself go out everyday, some days think why do I bother as doesn't stop the fear. Just gets so hard every day hoping you will feel differently. Now sleep problems back as well, waking at 4am after about 3 or 4 hours sleep. Have read few of posts where people expressing doubt that everyone recovers, that does fill me with fear. Just have to try believe people like you who say we will recover.

[[De...]]

Great posts Sofaking!  You really hit on it when you asked if ppl not on benzo feel good all the time.  Heck NO....I battled all sorts of daily struggles way before I ever took Ambien.  I think I've always been one of those ppl who just FEEL every little discomfort way more than some other ppl do.  Always have.

 

So as I heal I wonder....when will I know I'm done with this benzo thing?  I'm beginning to think there is such overlap with normal everyday crappy aches and pains.  So off I go into living as normally as I can - every day!!

 

Godspeed to all of us!!!

[[Ji...]]

Thanks for the kind words.

Another thing, I've cut only other see instance, gabapentin, f RR on 300 to 150mg. Maybe that is giving some withdrawal.

[[Fo...]]

Eight years off and 99% recovered.  Just had another long haul symptom drop off this month.  Never give up hope.  While you are in recovery, something is always getting better, even if it’s so subtle you can’t feel it (YET).  What you do feel is BETTER all along the way.  But only if you focus on the BETTER, rather than what you have left.  I started out with 130 excruciating symptoms.  Over these past eight years, symptoms dropped off, symptoms decreased in intensity, symptoms came back on board at a lesser level, new symptoms jumped on board out of the blue.  I’ve been put through the wringer, but my mind was my friend, not my enemy. 

 

I feel bad for those of you who are clinging onto hope by your fingernails. Then you read a dire post of “permanent damage” and you feel like you’re losing your grip on hope a little bit.  To those of you who need to feel my hands around your wrists, I’m right here.  I know the truth about this process of healing and the truth is this.  Your body is designed to stay in a perpetual mode of healing.  It constantly seeks that “sweet spot” where you are feeling quite well today.  But that sweet spot isn’t a lock.  You are a human being and everything is in flux every day.  You are no different than other people who never took a benzo.  Do you really believe that other people walking this planet feel great every day?  Or do you believe that everyone has good days and bad days, and spend most of their time on earth somewhere in between?

 

You are healthy.  You are not sick.  There are people who are terminally ill.  There are people who live with difficult disabilities.  They do the best they can every day with whatever challenges they face.  Their success (or failure) at living life depends on their attitude.  Say outloud every morning, “I’m going to have a great day today.”  Sounds silly and useless, I know, but dammit it works for me every time.

 

“Peel the onion” to deal with the symptoms you have today.  Breathe through them.  The biggest piece of advice I can give you is to strive to stay calm.  I don’t have to tell you that fear and panic kick up your symptoms.  When you breathe slowly, everything calms down.  It took me years to master this skill.  I was really shitty at it in the beginning because I had no need for this skill before all this happened to me.  Well, now I need it and I’m good at it after eight years of practice.

 

I still eat whole foods.  I still read every label.  No preservatives. No gums. I still avoid chemicals and I buy “natural” cleaning and personal products on Amazon, just like many people do who are sensitive.  This is not only the best way to keep your symptoms from raging, it’s the healthiest way to live, period.

 

Please don’t waste any more time “waiting to heal.”  Don’t lay in bed, even if that’s all you feel like doing.  Get dressed and walk just to the end of your street and back to keep your blood flowing and your muscles moving.  I’m not asking you to run a marathon.  Just move a little so you don’t lose the ability to move. 

 

Don’t give in to agoraphobia.  The convenience of Amazon and the pandemic are turning us all into hermits.  Go to the grocery store and pick up a few things for dinner.  It’s good for you to get out of the house and stop focusing on your symptoms constantly.  Give your mind and body a break from the obsessive nature of this process.  It may not seem like you’re doing much, but you are sowing seeds of normality.  And those seeds grow.  Trust me on this one.

 

I haven’t posted anything on the forum in years, but recent posts here on the Four Phases thread from those of you who are fearful, yet clinging to hope, tugged at my heart.  I know the truth you are seeking.  You will feel reborn when your body has completed the majority of the repairs under construction.  But your body will never be “done.”  It will always be healing you until you leave this earth.  It’s what it does.  That’s its job.  Say thank you every now and then. 

 

I am grateful for every blessing I have.  I am grateful I made it through this mess in one piece.  I know where you are headed.  I’m right here waiting for you.  I can see you coming closer to me.  Keep walking. 

 

Sofakingdone

 

Thank you Sofa, it is awesome of you to stay in touch after so long, and good news to hear another symptom lifted!

[[Ac...]]

Thanks sofakingdone.  Thanks pamster.  Thanks every buddy who's ever given me a shred of encouragement or hope or replied to one of my posts.

[[Th...]]

stage 2. I feel like I'm stuck in it. I hope to see improvements. But without waves or windows I don't know where I stand.

[[Th...]]

I’m in the phase where you realize your not going to heal from this! 3 years off and still having days like today which are very much like the months I spent in acute WD.

 

Best of luck to you all!

 

Not gonna lie, that amused me (I have anhedonia so I am grateful for that)

 

I guess I related.

 

Best of luck to you as well.

[[Be...]]

Thanks for the kind words.

Another thing, I've cut only other see instance, gabapentin, f RR on 300 to 150mg. Maybe that is giving some withdrawal.

 

Hi Jimmy,

 

I’m almost 2 years off & in a hideous wave. I’ve had enough & need to take something that will allieviate symptoms. Have you had success with gabapentin or know something else happens yay will help? I’m not going to reinstate but I need something to help me lead a normal

Life & feel like myself again. Thank you

[[Sh...]]

What phase am I in?

 

I’m in the sh$t phase.

[[so...]]

What phase am I in?

 

I’m in the sh$t phase.

 

Shayna,  Hahahaaaaa!  Ain’t THAT the truth!

 

Sofa

[[Fo...]]

I'm noticing a lessening of panic, no more twitches, mornings aren't filled with waking up soaked and dread. My back however,  is awful, it feels like I git cut in half, my ribs were the worst part and the rubber band feeling was so tight,  now my back feels the worst, but my breathing is getting easier,  in the early morning I feel the most tightness and that reduces to back pain, my mom made me buy a back support brace, still have anxiety but was able to go to stores and not run out.

[[so...]]

Hi Everybody,

 

To those of you who’ve written me PMs fearing you won’t heal because you aren’t having windows and waves, YOU WILL HEAL. 

 

For the first five years every day for me was a different version of shitty.  There were also levels of shitty.  Shitty, shittier and shittiest.  I never had a window.  Just dirty windshields with a lot of bird shit smeared under the wipers.

 

Windows and waves, or just a slow steady slog of barely noticeable improvements, are just different healing processes.  Your body does what’s best for you.  People used to feel sorry for me that I never got any windows.  I really don’t think I could have survived the cruel teases of the windows and waves healing mode. Getting all hopped up and hopeful after feeling well for two weeks that I’m almost there, only to get face-planted on the pavement the next day.  Lordy!  But we really don’t have a choice how we heal, do we?  What’s important is we all get to the same place.  The Hallelujah Healed Field!  So don’t get discouraged by looking at other people with windows, or how they describe how they’re feeling today, which could change on a dime tomorrow, or oh god they are doing better than me, or oh no I’m falling behind the pack!  I did all that, by the way.  All I gained from worrying was a racing heartbeat, manic ruminations, crushing anxiety and pounding tinnitus.  And now that I’m all healed up, I wish I hadn’t done that to myself. 

 

I know the reason I did it was the fear the excess cortisol creates. And it certainly doesn’t help that nobody can tell you “how much longer it will be till it’s over.”  Yeah, I asked that question a million times. Also, when you’re in the midst of withdrawal, and nobody can tell you when you’re going to heal, and when this madness will stop, you’re not sure it won’t go on forever.  That’s why I came back.  To tell you that you ALL will heal.  I don’t want you to be afraid you won’t heal because you will heal completely and beating yourself up is so unnecessary.

 

Please be kind to yourselves.  If you don’t feel like doing anything today, don’t.  Life will be waiting for you tomorrow.  Don’t put pressure on yourselves to move things along faster by trying things that probably won’t help you one bit.  Be a good passenger and let your body drive the car.  It knows how to get to the destination.  Just relax. I know how impossible that may sound to some of you.  I had akathesia 24/7 for the first year, pacing my backyard till my feet bled through my shoes. I couldn’t sit still and I couldn’t sleep, even though my body felt like dropping to the floor.  But it’s all over now.  I’m done.  I’m healed.  And you will be too. 

 

Sofa

[[so...]]

I'm noticing a lessening of panic, no more twitches, mornings aren't filled with waking up soaked and dread. My back however,  is awful, it feels like I git cut in half, my ribs were the worst part and the rubber band feeling was so tight,  now my back feels the worst, but my breathing is getting easier,  in the early morning I feel the most tightness and that reduces to back pain, my mom made me buy a back support brace, still have anxiety but was able to go to stores and not run out.

 

Hi Fox,

 

It sounds to me like you are moving along nicely.  (Well, “nicely” is a poor choice of words, but you get my drift.)  You’ve heard a thousand times that this healing is non-linear.  You want to punch the neck of the next person who tells you that, but it’s true.  That’s why your back might feel worse, but your breathing is more relaxed.  Or you don’t wake up soaked in sweat anymore, but the rubber band around your waist is feeling tight.  You are feeling your body healing.  And your brain is operating like a pinball machine jumping from one sensation to the next.  During withdrawal and recovery our senses are so heightened that we FEEL EVERYTHING.  Every bodily function is exaggerated.  It’s just too much cortisol.  When your body brings your gaba and cortisol back into balance, all your symptoms and hyper bodily awareness will disappear.  There is nothing wrong with you.  You aren’t sick.  You are healing and you are rebalancing.

 

When it gets gnarly, lay in bed and listen to YouTube audios of ocean waves and rain.  I used to bring down my heart rate that way and eventually I became calmer and the pain subsided for awhile.  Try it.  There are all kinds of tricks and tools people suggest on this forum.  I tried them all.  Some worked, some flopped.  I ended up finding a few things that became my “go to’s.”  You will build your own trusty tool kit too.  Just keep trying.  Never give up, but accept where you are today, knowing it’s not forever.

 

Sofa

[[je...]]

Hi Everybody,

 

To those of you who’ve written me PMs fearing you won’t heal because you aren’t having windows and waves, YOU WILL HEAL. 

 

For the first five years every day for me was a different version of shitty.  There were also levels of shitty.  Shitty, shittier and shittiest.  I never had a window.  Just dirty windshields with a lot of bird shit smeared under the wipers.

 

Windows and waves, or just a slow steady slog of barely noticeable improvements, are just different healing processes.  Your body does what’s best for you.  People used to feel sorry for me that I never got any windows.  I really don’t think I could have survived the cruel teases of the windows and waves healing mode. Getting all hopped up and hopeful after feeling well for two weeks that I’m almost there, only to get face-planted on the pavement the next day.  Lordy!  But we really don’t have a choice how we heal, do we?  What’s important is we all get to the same place.  The Hallelujah Healed Field!  So don’t get discouraged by looking at other people with windows, or how they describe how they’re feeling today, which could change on a dime tomorrow, or oh god they are doing better than me, or oh no I’m falling behind the pack!  I did all that, by the way.  All I gained from worrying was a racing heartbeat, manic ruminations, crushing anxiety and pounding tinnitus.  And now that I’m all healed up, I wish I hadn’t done that to myself. 

 

I know the reason I did it was the fear the excess cortisol creates. And it certainly doesn’t help that nobody can tell you “how much longer it will be till it’s over.”  Yeah, I asked that question a million times. Also, when you’re in the midst of withdrawal, and nobody can tell you when you’re going to heal, and when this madness will stop, you’re not sure it won’t go on forever.  That’s why I came back.  To tell you that you ALL will heal.  I don’t want you to be afraid you won’t heal because you will heal completely and beating yourself up is so unnecessary.

 

Please be kind to yourselves.  If you don’t feel like doing anything today, don’t.  Life will be waiting for you tomorrow.  Don’t put pressure on yourselves to move things along faster by trying things that probably won’t help you one bit.  Be a good passenger and let your body drive the car.  It knows how to get to the destination.  Just relax. I know how impossible that may sound to some of you.  I had akathesia 24/7 for the first year, pacing my backyard till my feet bled through my shoes. I couldn’t sit still and I couldn’t sleep, even though my body felt like dropping to the floor.  But it’s all over now.  I’m done.  I’m healed.  And you will be too. 

 

Sofa

 

This is such a great post Sofa. Thanks for the update!

 

If you don't mind it would be really helpful if you could copy and paste this post into a new thread in Success Stories?

 

I know lots of members will appreciate it as not everyone checks this thread.

[[De...]]

Hi Everybody,

 

To those of you who’ve written me PMs fearing you won’t heal because you aren’t having windows and waves, YOU WILL HEAL. 

 

For the first five years every day for me was a different version of shitty.  There were also levels of shitty.  Shitty, shittier and shittiest.  I never had a window.  Just dirty windshields with a lot of bird shit smeared under the wipers.

 

Windows and waves, or just a slow steady slog of barely noticeable improvements, are just different healing processes.  Your body does what’s best for you.  People used to feel sorry for me that I never got any windows.  I really don’t think I could have survived the cruel teases of the windows and waves healing mode. Getting all hopped up and hopeful after feeling well for two weeks that I’m almost there, only to get face-planted on the pavement the next day.  Lordy!  But we really don’t have a choice how we heal, do we?  What’s important is we all get to the same place.  The Hallelujah Healed Field!  So don’t get discouraged by looking at other people with windows, or how they describe how they’re feeling today, which could change on a dime tomorrow, or oh god they are doing better than me, or oh no I’m falling behind the pack!  I did all that, by the way.  All I gained from worrying was a racing heartbeat, manic ruminations, crushing anxiety and pounding tinnitus.  And now that I’m all healed up, I wish I hadn’t done that to myself. 

 

I know the reason I did it was the fear the excess cortisol creates. And it certainly doesn’t help that nobody can tell you “how much longer it will be till it’s over.”  Yeah, I asked that question a million times. Also, when you’re in the midst of withdrawal, and nobody can tell you when you’re going to heal, and when this madness will stop, you’re not sure it won’t go on forever.  That’s why I came back.  To tell you that you ALL will heal.  I don’t want you to be afraid you won’t heal because you will heal completely and beating yourself up is so unnecessary.

 

Please be kind to yourselves.  If you don’t feel like doing anything today, don’t.  Life will be waiting for you tomorrow.  Don’t put pressure on yourselves to move things along faster by trying things that probably won’t help you one bit.  Be a good passenger and let your body drive the car.  It knows how to get to the destination.  Just relax. I know how impossible that may sound to some of you.  I had akathesia 24/7 for the first year, pacing my backyard till my feet bled through my shoes. I couldn’t sit still and I couldn’t sleep, even though my body felt like dropping to the floor.  But it’s all over now.  I’m done.  I’m healed.  And you will be too. 

 

Sofa

 

Thanks for the encouragement, f..scary , hard and overwhelming process

[[Th...]]

Hi Everybody,

 

To those of you who’ve written me PMs fearing you won’t heal because you aren’t having windows and waves, YOU WILL HEAL. 

 

For the first five years every day for me was a different version of shitty.  There were also levels of shitty.  Shitty, shittier and shittiest.  I never had a window.  Just dirty windshields with a lot of bird shit smeared under the wipers.

 

Windows and waves, or just a slow steady slog of barely noticeable improvements, are just different healing processes.  Your body does what’s best for you.  People used to feel sorry for me that I never got any windows.  I really don’t think I could have survived the cruel teases of the windows and waves healing mode. Getting all hopped up and hopeful after feeling well for two weeks that I’m almost there, only to get face-planted on the pavement the next day.  Lordy!  But we really don’t have a choice how we heal, do we?  What’s important is we all get to the same place.  The Hallelujah Healed Field!  So don’t get discouraged by looking at other people with windows, or how they describe how they’re feeling today, which could change on a dime tomorrow, or oh god they are doing better than me, or oh no I’m falling behind the pack!  I did all that, by the way.  All I gained from worrying was a racing heartbeat, manic ruminations, crushing anxiety and pounding tinnitus.  And now that I’m all healed up, I wish I hadn’t done that to myself. 

 

I know the reason I did it was the fear the excess cortisol creates. And it certainly doesn’t help that nobody can tell you “how much longer it will be till it’s over.”  Yeah, I asked that question a million times. Also, when you’re in the midst of withdrawal, and nobody can tell you when you’re going to heal, and when this madness will stop, you’re not sure it won’t go on forever.  That’s why I came back.  To tell you that you ALL will heal.  I don’t want you to be afraid you won’t heal because you will heal completely and beating yourself up is so unnecessary.

 

Please be kind to yourselves.  If you don’t feel like doing anything today, don’t.  Life will be waiting for you tomorrow.  Don’t put pressure on yourselves to move things along faster by trying things that probably won’t help you one bit.  Be a good passenger and let your body drive the car.  It knows how to get to the destination.  Just relax. I know how impossible that may sound to some of you.  I had akathesia 24/7 for the first year, pacing my backyard till my feet bled through my shoes. I couldn’t sit still and I couldn’t sleep, even though my body felt like dropping to the floor.  But it’s all over now.  I’m done.  I’m healed.  And you will be too. 

 

Sofa

Just noticed this post! Thank you!!!!

[[Gu...]]

SofaKingdone, Boy did your post come on the right day.  In fact, I had just posted a few minutes ago in the 9-12 month support group about my akathisia.  I am a slow healer, too.  No windows or waves, just bad to worse.  It was consoling to read that you also had akathisia for a year.  I am 11 months off and see no end in sight.  I was looking for the very words you posted, so thank you, thank you, thank you!  Were your five years all post jump?  Yikes!!

[[Wa...]]

Hi Everybody,

 

To those of you who’ve written me PMs fearing you won’t heal because you aren’t having windows and waves, YOU WILL HEAL. 

 

For the first five years every day for me was a different version of shitty.  There were also levels of shitty.  Shitty, shittier and shittiest.  I never had a window.  Just dirty windshields with a lot of bird shit smeared under the wipers.

 

Windows and waves, or just a slow steady slog of barely noticeable improvements, are just different healing processes.  Your body does what’s best for you.  People used to feel sorry for me that I never got any windows.  I really don’t think I could have survived the cruel teases of the windows and waves healing mode. Getting all hopped up and hopeful after feeling well for two weeks that I’m almost there, only to get face-planted on the pavement the next day.  Lordy!  But we really don’t have a choice how we heal, do we?  What’s important is we all get to the same place.  The Hallelujah Healed Field!  So don’t get discouraged by looking at other people with windows, or how they describe how they’re feeling today, which could change on a dime tomorrow, or oh god they are doing better than me, or oh no I’m falling behind the pack!  I did all that, by the way.  All I gained from worrying was a racing heartbeat, manic ruminations, crushing anxiety and pounding tinnitus.  And now that I’m all healed up, I wish I hadn’t done that to myself. 

 

I know the reason I did it was the fear the excess cortisol creates. And it certainly doesn’t help that nobody can tell you “how much longer it will be till it’s over.”  Yeah, I asked that question a million times. Also, when you’re in the midst of withdrawal, and nobody can tell you when you’re going to heal, and when this madness will stop, you’re not sure it won’t go on forever.  That’s why I came back.  To tell you that you ALL will heal.  I don’t want you to be afraid you won’t heal because you will heal completely and beating yourself up is so unnecessary.

 

Please be kind to yourselves.  If you don’t feel like doing anything today, don’t.  Life will be waiting for you tomorrow.  Don’t put pressure on yourselves to move things along faster by trying things that probably won’t help you one bit.  Be a good passenger and let your body drive the car.  It knows how to get to the destination.  Just relax. I know how impossible that may sound to some of you.  I had akathesia 24/7 for the first year, pacing my backyard till my feet bled through my shoes. I couldn’t sit still and I couldn’t sleep, even though my body felt like dropping to the floor.  But it’s all over now.  I’m done.  I’m healed.  And you will be too. 

 

Sofa

 

Sofa.

I don't come on here much at all anymore as I am three years off and not better. I just don't find that it serves me well at this point but I am SO GLAD I did and so glad I checked this thread. I have followed you since finding BB three years ago and have drawn on your strength and encouragement. You are so wise and so wonderful to come back here and tell us we will heal. Two setbacks and perimenopause hell have had me guessing I will be this way literally forever when in the past, I refused to accept such a notion. I have symptoms that don't fall into the normal categories even on here so that perpetuates all the fear. THANK YOU. Just, thank you for saying what you did and for telling us you healed.

[[le...]]

I'm 3 years too, it's tough when it goes on this long I know. I'm probably phase 1 and half. Not acute but no windows, plenty waves and the occasional tsunami. My symptoms largely mental, hope you soon see improvement.

[[so...]]

Hi Warrior,

 

“ I have symptoms that don't fall into the normal categories even on here so that perpetuates all the fear...”

 

Wanna bet?  I could use the extra money.  Ha!

 

Seriously, Warrior, none of us gets all the 322 reported symptoms Ashton named.  But I did manage to amass 130 or so.  They may not be your symptoms, but they are no more, or no less, dire than yours. They are just symptoms of something really good going on—healing and rebalancing your gaba and cortisol.  Think of the scales ⚖️ of justice.  Right now your scales are uneven.  With time and a lot of hard work on your body’s part, those scales of yours get level.  All your symptoms related to the imbalance will go away.  If you had a prior illness or condition before withdrawal, you may still have that to contend with, or maybe not.  I’ve known people with lifetime allergies who had no more allergies when their recovery was complete.  I’ve known people who got gobsmacked by menopause and had no more symptoms related to menopause when they healed.  See, your body is healing everything, things that you didn’t even realize were heading south.  This is a complete remodel going on.  As much as it sucks, embrace the healing and the symptoms.  Something really good is about to happen to you and you will not regret a minute of all the pain you went through.  That’s how good you are going to feel. 

 

You are three years off and you don’t feel well.  You are discouraged because you have seen no improvement.  That’s exactly how I felt at your timeframe off.  It wasn’t until about five years that my healing started picking up steam where I could actually “feel the healing.”  It’s hard to be patient.  It’s hard to keep hope alive.  But, when you have no other choice, you do what you need to do to survive.

 

What I am here to tell you is that you will not merely survive this.  Survival is no way to live!  You will THRIVE.  You will feel better than you did in your 30s because you were forced to eat nothing but healthy whole foods for years.  You’ll be full of energy.  My grandkids can’t keep up with me!  You will have no pain whatsoever.  Your body fixed what was headed south.  In the middle of a crisis, you’ll be the only calm person in the room because nobody but you truly knows what hell is.  The rest life has to throw at you is child’s play next to this.

 

So wipe your tears.  Shrug off the fear and shout “STOP STOP STOP.”  Start every morning with the silliest of phrases:  “I’m going to have a great day today.”  Because you WILL. 

 

You are healthy.  You are strong.  Nobody you know could go through what you’re going through.  Just like your name. You’re a WARRIOR.

 

Sofa

[[Wa...]]

Hi Warrior,

 

“ I have symptoms that don't fall into the normal categories even on here so that perpetuates all the fear...”

 

Wanna bet?  I could use the extra money.  Ha!

 

Seriously, Warrior, none of us gets all the 322 reported symptoms Ashton named.  But I did manage to amass 130 or so.  They may not be your symptoms, but they are no more, or no less, dire than yours. They are just symptoms of something really good going on—healing and rebalancing your gaba and cortisol.  Think of the scales ⚖️ of justice.  Right now your scales are uneven.  With time and a lot of hard work on your body’s part, those scales of yours get level.  All your symptoms related to the imbalance will go away.  If you had a prior illness or condition before withdrawal, you may still have that to contend with, or maybe not.  I’ve known people with lifetime allergies who had no more allergies when their recovery was complete.  I’ve known people who got gobsmacked by menopause and had no more symptoms related to menopause when they healed.  See, your body is healing everything, things that you didn’t even realize were heading south.  This is a complete remodel going on.  As much as it sucks, embrace the healing and the symptoms.  Something really good is about to happen to you and you will not regret a minute of all the pain you went through.  That’s how good you are going to feel. 

 

You are three years off and you don’t feel well.  You are discouraged because you have seen no improvement.  That’s exactly how I felt at your timeframe off.  It wasn’t until about five years that my healing started picking up steam where I could actually “feel the healing.”  It’s hard to be patient.  It’s hard to keep hope alive.  But, when you have no other choice, you do what you need to do to survive.

 

What I am here to tell you is that you will not merely survive this.  Survival is no way to live!  You will THRIVE.  You will feel better than you did in your 30s because you were forced to eat nothing but healthy whole foods for years.  You’ll be full of energy.  My grandkids can’t keep up with me!  You will have no pain whatsoever.  Your body fixed what was headed south.  In the middle of a crisis, you’ll be the only calm person in the room because nobody but you truly knows what hell is.  The rest life has to throw at you is child’s play next to this.

 

So wipe your tears.  Shrug off the fear and shout “STOP STOP STOP.”  Start every morning with the silliest of phrases:  “I’m going to have a great day today.”  Because you WILL. 

 

You are healthy.  You are strong.  Nobody you know could go through what you’re going through.  Just like your name. You’re a WARRIOR.

 

Sofa

 

Oh my goodness. Just tears, tears from reading your words to me. THANK YOU, THANK YOU. I need this so much right now. At 48 I feel 84 but I am going to dig deep and TRUST what you are telling me. I am drawing on your strength. Thank you for taking time to write that to me and to anyone else reading this. So grateful!!!!  :smitten: