Looking for Buddies - LT High dose Xanax direct taper 1/2 way there!

[[to...]]

Thank you Lori, I appreciate that so much!!  Yesterday was quite difficult as it always is.  You would think that 48 years would have lessened the blow but it has not.  I still miss my Dad as much today as I have always.

 

Tomorrow will be another rough day but I also know what to expect.  I always, always try to make these days easier but they just are not.  No matter what I do.  I wish I could wake up on my birthday and NOT remember first its the day Dad was buried, but it is. 

 

My husband is being extra understanding as he always is and I am thankful to God for him, and you as well.  And the others that keep me in their thoughts and prayers.

 

I am a survivor and I will be ok, but man, I will glad when tomorrow is over and I can move on and focus on more positive things.

 

Love you lots and I want you to know I am also thankful to God you are in my life. 

 

I hope you and everyone is having a good 4th of July. I am cleaning closets just trying to keep myself distracted,  LOL  What a way to spend the day - but ya know, it could be worse. 

 

Sending hugs of comfort and healing your way!   Thanks Lori - that means the world to me!!!!  Love you!!!

 

I hope you are doing better, I have been thinking about you too!!!!! 

 

Love,

Julia

[[Lo...]]

An observation that I wanted to share...

 

Over the past month I've noticed more and more that I'm starting to feel worse AFTER I take my dose. I know, crazy.  For many years my anxiety was always so much worse in the mornings. It would hit me as soon as I woke. After finding out about the problems with Benzos and embarking on my taper, and more specifically, getting down to 1.5 or less, when I wake in the morning, I feel decent. I can actually wait a solid 3 hours before I take my dose. Granted, symptoms and side effects never truly leave but they are incredibly tolerable.

 

However, it seems that within an hour after taking my dose, after going almost 11 hours from bedtime dose to morning, is when the proverbial shit hits the fan whereas in the 20+ years of taking them, prior to getting to a low dose (in comparison to what I was on) the dose always helped.

 

I almost have to wonder if my body and brain are pretty much telling me to just move along, as fast as I can, at a rate that I can handle and get off! Let's face it, there's zero therapeutic value any longer. There hasn't been in a very, very long time!

 

I'm focusing on getting through my sons 21st Birthday party at the beach this weekend and then after that, just hunkering down and gearing up to get off of this last milligram as methodically as I can. It's been a LONG journey from 6 milligrams and I feel as if my body is telling me "It's time!" 

 

Maybe it's all in my head? Who knows! It's just what my gut is telling me. Healing just won't happen until this poison is out of my system completely.

 

So... that's my crazy thought for now.   

 

PS: I haven't responded about the DLMT because I haven't done it yet. It's just been too easy to take the .25 mg pills 4 times per day. That all changes on Monday. Will keep you posted on the "putting it in applesauce" method. Fingers crossed on that one! 

 

Hope all are doing well!

 

Fondly,

Lori

[[Lo...]]

Everyone doing okay? Bump.

[[to...]]

Hi Lori,

Hanging in there, hoping you are doing better.  I hope your son's birthday went great and you were able to enjoy the day!!

Love you lady!!!

[[Ji...]]

Everyone doing okay? Bump.

Hey Lori- I just read your other post. My thought is that .25 is a “baby” dose and it’s likely not giving you much relief at all. So when you take it, you’re subconsciously waiting for it to kick in and when it only does so much your anxiety levels increase making you feel worse.

 

When I got toward the end I actually was happy I didn’t feel it as much. It sounds weird but as long as I was able to sleep I felt better as I got lower. I had some bad nights here and there, and I still do to this day, but I felt more accomplished toward the end. I looked at the very end of the taper as a means to an end.  I didn’t NEED the medication and I didn’t look to it for any sort of relief, I took it because all the way down to 0.0625 just to make sure I didn’t have any issues afterward.

 

At this point, I still take Remeron or Unisom for bad nights but for the most part all of my issues are under control. I can still feel anxious from time to time (mostly when I can’t fall asleep right away) but I’ve been pretty good considering the circumstances. The good news is, you’ll get there too.

 

Keep in mind, the issues you had before taking the benzo likely still exist and have been masked for quite awhile but also know you’ll be stronger and more apt to deal with the issues after stopping. 

 

Everyone here is kicking butt and doing the right thing. Keep looking at how far you’ve come and not how far you have to go. Take pride in the fact that you’re badass for taking steps to get off this stuff. It’s not easy but it is gratifying.

[[to...]]

Hi everyone,

Hope everyone is hanging in there and progressing along without too much crap!!  This is my second day on this cut to 2.0 mg and I am feeling it.  It is not horrible but I feel really tired and today I was quick to get agitated.  I held at 2.146 (or a little less) mg for a month after trying the DLMT for a couple weeks and that did not go well for me so at this point I am sticking to the pills as they are not difficult to dose out and only have to break 1 of the pills in half as I am doing .75 mg in the am, then .5, .5 and .25 at night.  I know with each cut I will have some symptoms so I am just going to hang in there.  I am hoping that I will do ok and want to go down .125 mg every 14 days so I can move along with my taper.  I have no idea what percentage that is but I know it is not as high as the .25 mg cuts I was doing the first few months. 

 

I hope everyone has a good night and I hope everyone is staying as cool as they can.  It was 96 here today with the real feel of 107 and tomorrow its supposed to be 100 with the real feel of 110.  Won't be going outside, that's for sure. LOL

 

Hugs,

Julia

[[Ho...]]

I'm trying to switch back to liquid taper. I held at 0.5 mg for a few months. I quartered my 0.5 mg tablet and took each quarter every few hours. But I want to get back on my taper so I'm switching over to liquid again so I can taper. This is hard. The first time I switched to liquid when I started tapering last year was easy peasy. Why is it so hard this time?

 

Oh well. Onwards and upwards as my father used to say.

[[to...]]

HopeToDoThis - I hope it gets easier for you.  You are so right when you say this is hard - its probably the hardest things I have had to do in my adult life. 

I tried the liquid taper and I had issues with it so I am going to stay with the pills until I have to do something different.  I would love to be at .5mg as you are.  One day I will.  Hopefully sooner than later.

 

 

[[to...]]

Hi Lori,

Have missed you!!!  Looks like you are doing great - I see you are going down with success.  That is great.  When you were going down .25 mg  every 8 days or so, was that when you were having such a hard time.  I want to go down a little faster but do not want to get in deep trouble with symptons.

 

Love you and miss you lots.  Let me know how you are doing!! 

[[Lo...]]

Hi Julia!

 

Sorry I've been MIA! I'm still at the beach and typing on this iPad is a royal pain! I'm hanging in there. Some better days but still dealing with the tightness in my abdomen which is driving me crazy!

 

As for your question, to be honest, I really struggled a lot but I had a tendency to try to follow other people's taper schedule that we're going faster than I was and it messed me up. I kept feeling like I was not making the same progress that others were which was so foolish!

 

I now understand why people always said use a symptom based taper and that everyone is different. The best advice I can offer is to go at your own pace. Listen to your body and cut accordingly. I will add that after you hit 2.0 mgs., it's time to stop making those cuts of .25. The percentage is much larger and it can hit you. That's just my opinion and experience.

 

Wish I could write more but in a rush to have dinner. Heading back home on Monday morning. I'll reach out when I get home.

 

Hope all are doing well!! Hugs!

 

Lori

[[Po...]]

Hi Lori!  I can see from your sig that you are down below 1mg.  Yay! Just curious if you are using DLMT and how it’s going.  So happy for you on your progress.

 

I’m on a brief hold for vacation but plan to start my DLMT on Monday.

 

Take Care!

Pearl

[[to...]]

Hi Lori,

I am so proud of you.  Looks like you are getting better and getting lower in your dose.  That is great!!!!  Finally - I am so happy for you!!!

 

I know I need to make smaller cuts now and will go down by .125 this next cut and if I do well, I will go down by another .125 cut a couple weeks after that!  I am doing ok right now.  Some days are better than others but I am hanging in there.

 

Hope to catch up with you soon!!

 

Love and hugs,

Julia

[[Lo...]]

Hi Lori!  I can see from your sig that you are down below 1mg.  Yay! Just curious if you are using DLMT and how it’s going.  So happy for you on your progress.

 

I’m on a brief hold for vacation but plan to start my DLMT on Monday.

 

Take Care!

Pearl

 

Thanks, PowerPearl! 

 

I'm still using dry cut. .875 is pretty easy to dose. .25, .25, .125, .25. My rationale for this dosing is that I want to try to eliminate one dose. I've always dosed 4x,s per day but as I get lower, it's a pain to take such small doses that often. I'm praying that I can get to dosing 3 x,s per day spaced 6 hours apart (instead of 4 doses 5 hours apart)

 

Fortunately this cut has not produced any additional symptoms. I believe that today is day 9.  I'll hang here for the weekend and then attempt another .125 cut on Monday. If it's too aggressive, I'll change it.

 

I hope you are doing well and enjoying your vacation! It looks like your making great progress! Hang in there... you got this! Please keep us posted!

 

Fondly,

Lori

[[Lo...]]

Hi Lori,

I am so proud of you.  Looks like you are getting better and getting lower in your dose.  That is great!!!!  Finally - I am so happy for you!!!

 

I know I need to make smaller cuts now and will go down by .125 this next cut and if I do well, I will go down by another .125 cut a couple weeks after that!  I am doing ok right now.  Some days are better than others but I am hanging in there.

 

Hope to catch up with you soon!!

 

Love and hugs,

Julia

 

Hi Julia!

 

Woo-hoo... 2.0!  Way to go! So sorry I missed you the other day. Got caught up with doctors appointments for my mom. She's really struggling (long story).

 

Glad to see that you're doing okay. You're moving right along. So happy for you! Keep doing what you're doing and you'll be off of this! 2020 is going to be your year! 

 

Will talk to you soon!

 

Love,

Lori

 

[[to...]]

Hi Lori,

I am so proud of you.  Looks like you are getting better and getting lower in your dose.  That is great!!!!  Finally - I am so happy for you!!!

 

I know I need to make smaller cuts now and will go down by .125 this next cut and if I do well, I will go down by another .125 cut a couple weeks after that!  I am doing ok right now.  Some days are better than others but I am hanging in there.

 

Hope to catch up with you soon!!

 

Love and hugs,

Julia

 

Hi Julia!

 

Woo-hoo... 2.0!  Way to go! So sorry I missed you the other day. Got caught up with doctors appointments for my mom. She's really struggling (long story).

 

Glad to see that you're doing okay. You're moving right along. So happy for you! Keep doing what you're doing and you'll be off of this! 2020 is going to be your year! 

 

Will talk to you soon!

 

Love,

Lori

 

Hey lady,

Thanks!  I am hoping fir the best for both of us!!!!

Love,

Julia

[[Ho...]]

I switched half my daily dose to liquid and finally stabilized. Tomorrow I switch the other half to liquid. After a few days I'll see how I feel. Once I stabilize I'll start reducing again.

 

slow slow slow...

[[to...]]

Good for you!  Glad its going well for you!!

[[Po...]]

Lori!!  I am wowed by your progress!!  Please tell me you are feeling good or at least tolerable! 

 

I got all freaked out the night I made my DLMT solution and couldn’t do it. So I am back to compounded liquid and cutting .25mgs in halves. I am just so confused about what to do when I get to 1mg. I have a while so I guess I’ll figure it out when I get there.

 

Hope everyone on this thread is going great and having smoothie tapers.  Would love more updates

 

Take care.

Pearl

[[Lo...]]

Lori!!  I am wowed by your progress!!  Please tell me you are feeling good or at least tolerable! 

 

I got all freaked out the night I made my DLMT solution and couldn’t do it. So I am back to compounded liquid and cutting .25mgs in halves. I am just so confused about what to do when I get to 1mg. I have a while so I guess I’ll figure it out when I get there.

 

Hope everyone on this thread is going great and having smoothie tapers.  Would love more updates

 

Take care.

Pearl

 

Hi Pearl!

 

Thanks for the encouragement! I don't want to jinx myself since this is only day 3 of .75 but I'm doing okay. I definitely have symptoms but so far they aren't any worse (or better) than the last two cuts. They are mostly all physical at this point. Muscle issues and GI issues continue to plague me! It's a crazy process.

 

Early in my taper, and probably for the first full year, I had so much anxiety, racing heart, palps, dizziness, insane insomnia, etc. That has all gone away (except some trouble sleeping). But now? The stomach tightness (upper abdomen is so tight but lower stomach is crazy bloated), acid reflux, air hunger due to abdomen, and  GI issues are a royal pain! I was hoping they'd diminish but it's been almost 4 months and they are still here. I have to wonder if they will remain for the duration. Ugh!  Nevertheless, I'm hanging in there.

 

When I joined BB's a few years ago and read a lot of posts, I was certain that people were making up these physical symptom!  I know, I sound mean but I could not wrap my head around the idea that this drug could be so insidious! Boy was I wrong! However, on a positive note, what keeps me going is the fact that other symptoms (the horrible anxiety, panic, racing heart, crazy dizziness, numbness in face/limbs, depression, etc)  that truly brought me down and scared me are pretty much gone! Hence, I'll take the win on that one. I simply keep telling myself that if they went away, eventually these will too!

 

Hang in there! This CAN be done. Many have accomplished this before us and we will too! Just be patient... this coming from someone who is running out of patience! .

 

Keep in mind that I've been on Xanax for 21 years now!!!! Yes, twenty-one LONG years at a high dose (at least 15 years on 4 mgs.) and tapering for over 2 years (methodically for about 1.5 years). If I can do this, ANYONE can! And to make it even more challenging, I'm doing a direct taper from the shortest acting Benzo available! If you asked me 2 years ago if I thought I'd get this far the answer would have been a terrified "I don't see how".  But here I am, still plugging away, at the lowest dose I've EVER been on.

 

Again, you CAN do this!

 

Best to you...

 

Lori

 

PS: I am definitely staying here at .75 for a full two weeks. I know that it was an aggressive cutting month. I did that in April (May was miserable) and then updosed in June. Never doing that again. I learned my lesson.  I won't make another cut until I'm ready. 

 

[[Ji...]]

Hey Lori- glad you’re doing well!  0.75mg is so close to the end that you’re probably starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You’re kicking butt and soon enough you’ll be the one dropping in every once and a while to support people fighting the good fight.

 

The best thing that everyone can do is keep going. After all of this was said and done for me I started realizing that my mind was very much in control on my taper.  Much of this battle is one about confidence and how I was mentally reacting to using the drug and what relief I expected from it. As I got lower in my dose it didn’t have the same dampening effect but I also didn’t have the rebound anxiety so things leveled off and I was able to deal with many things much better. I would really preach acceptance to everyone. Accept that sleep is not going to be great every night. Accept that this process isn’t perfect. Accept that you might feel crappy now but know that you’ll feel better. You’ll notice a difference in how you feel and you’ll start feeling like you don’t even need the medication any more. At that point keep tapering and stay steady.

 

Hope everyone is really crushing this taper and knows that they will feel better soon.

 

As for me, I’ve cut my Remeron dose down to 1.875 for about a week and a half and it’s been going well. Not every night is as perfect as I want it to be but for the most part I would say I’m in the 85% range with peaks to 100%. I’m getting there and I plan on writing a success story after the Remeron is gone for good. Looking forward to that day!

 

Jim

 

 

[[Lo...]]

Thanks, Jim!

 

So glad to hear that you're doing so well! Extremely happy for you!

 

You have no idea how much I wish I had known the dangers of this medication 20 years ago. It's frustrating that I've been on it for so long without having a clue what it was doing to my body and mind. Sometimes I get so frightened by the horror stories from long term users who just don't seem to recover as well. I try to stay away from them.

 

I was just diagnosed with possible Functional Dyspepsia. I will be starting a homeopathic (all natural) medication for it tomorrow. It has been disabling as my abdomen is so crazy tight that eating is a challenge because my intestines constrict and I am crazy full immediately! It feels this way even without food!  It's an intestinal mobility disorder that is most likely directly related to the taper and my CNS! Unbelievable!  It's been horrible for months. holding at 1.0 for a month nor my trial at updosing  did nothing to help.  Honestly, if not for this physical symptom, I'd actually be doing quite well.

 

I'm praying that I will NOT have this for the remainder of my taper as it's actually very hard to breath since I can't expand my abdomen. This is crazy!  I'm only 102 lbs and had dropped to 91 for the first 6-7 months of my taper.  I was so happy when I gained the weight back and am worried that I'll start losing more weight again. This is so frustrating! Prayers that this symptom will pass as well.

 

Hope all are doing well!!!

 

Lori

[[Po...]]

Lori-  i am so sorry you are going through that. Your taper seems to be on a nice pace so hopefully it will be gone soon! Are you still making .125 cuts?

 

Hope- how is the liquid going?  I am going to go to liquid probably once I hit 1mg. But I’m going to play it out and see how it goes.

 

Julia- haven’t seen you here in a while. How are you doing?

 

I am doing pretty well. My sig is not updated but I am now at 1.25. I cut everyday .0125mg or .025mg depending on how I am feeling. I use a compounded liquid to titrate down to each .125 increment. I tried to get on to a DLMT but it seemed just too scary. But once I hit 1mg I’ll probably have to do it. Hope- I’d love to hear about your experience.

 

Hope everyone on this thread is doing great. Can’t wait to hear from all of you😊

 

Pearl

[[Lo...]]

Hello all!

 

Still hanging out at .75. Trying to eliminate one dosing time and go to dosing 3 x's per day instead of 4 to make things a bit easier as I go down. Trying to cut 4 doses is a pain. Today it the first day of 3 doses. Shooting for 9:00 am, 3:00 pm, and 9:00 pm. Praying that my body get used to this fairly easily so that I can start removing a small amount from each dose.

 

Will keep you posted in case anyone else is going to eventually try this.

 

Lori

[[Lo...]]

PowerPearl and Julia,

 

I saw that you both just made a cut. 

 

Wishing you both a smooth ride!!

 

 

Lori

[[Po...]]

Hi Lori!  Yes I am working on getting down to 1.125 starting today. How is the 3x a day dosing going?