Looking for Buddies - LT High dose Xanax direct taper 1/2 way there!

[[se...]]

I agree with Julia, everyone here is making progress in one way or another.  We all have challenges but have managed to push through.  The hardest part is the “fear”.  I never in my life have experienced so much fear and anxiety.  Hoping when we can make the jump, this will all be a thing of the past.

 

Stay strong friends!!

[[to...]]

I agree with Julia, everyone here is making progress in one way or another.  We all have challenges but have managed to push through.  The hardest part is the “fear”.  I never in my life have experienced so much fear and anxiety.  Hoping when we can make the jump, this will all be a thing of the past.

 

Stay strong friends!!

 

I so agree with that.  The fear has been awful but the further I go down in dose, the better the fear gets. 

 

Have a good day all! 

Hugs and love,

Julia  :smitten:

[[Lo...]]

Hello all!

 

Thanks for such kind words! 

 

Baddove: Yes, I remember well when I was throwing a hissy fit over the change in the message boards!    Change is hard... but harder in withdrawl.  I think I was fearful that I'd lose the few contacts I had.  But I did get a good chuckle out of your post!  So true, and so funny!

 

I'm glad that my story could help even if in a small way.  I agree that the "acceptance" part is the most difficult.

 

 

I've had trouble keeping up with everyone's posts... mostly because I've jumped back on sporadically and usually at a time when I only had a few minutes.  Sorry for being so rude by not responding to everyone individually. I have been using my ipad instead of my laptop and it's a bit more challenging on here to cut and paste, etc.

 

I'm back to using a nail file!  I know, not the most accurate way to measure but after years of this crap, I don't feel like pulling out the gram scale again. What a pain that was! My kitchen table looked like a meth lab!  LOL!  I've tried liquid and that didn't work for me. Julia and I had high hopes for that one a year or so ago but it was a disaster.  I think that works better for longer acting benzo's such as valium.  Just my opinion.  I'm doing 5 swipes on two pills right now, will eventually do on all 4 doses, and then to 10 swipes, etc.  Once I get to 1/2 the pill on each, I'll know that I'm at .5 mgs total and then figure out how to proceed from there. 

 

I'm scheduled to get my first shot of the Covid vaccine next Wednesday the 17th and I'm getting a bit nervous.  I've certainly developed plenty of sensitivies and allergies over the past 3 years but I'm praying that none of them are too serious.  I'll keep you all posted.

 

Hope all are doing well today!  Today hasn't been great for me so I'm going to try to take a nap and regroup. 

 

Hugs to all!

 

Love,

Lori

 

 

 

[[se...]]

Lori,

 

You are doing amazing!  You will be off this stuff before you know it.  Please keep us posted to your reaction with regards to the vaccination, I will be praying it is smooth sailing. 

[[Di...]]

Julia yes we are close in dose I pray that we will be able to continue on a steady decrease in our taper.  I took y'all's advice and taking a break for couple days it's sad that such a small reduction can cause one to feel so bad.  Everyone here is so supportive.  Keeping everyone in my prayers!

[[to...]]

Julia yes we are close in dose I pray that we will be able to continue on a steady decrease in our taper.  I took y'all's advice and taking a break for couple days it's sad that such a small reduction can cause one to feel so bad.  Everyone here is so supportive.  Keeping everyone in my prayers!

 

I agree that it is crazy how such a small cut can make you feel so bad.  It will be a glorious day when we are off this medication and be free from all of this.

I too am keeping everyone in my prayers.

You are doing great - I hope taking a break will make you feel better.

 

Julia

[[to...]]

Hello all!

 

Thanks for such kind words! 

 

Baddove: Yes, I remember well when I was throwing a hissy fit over the change in the message boards!    Change is hard... but harder in withdrawl.  I think I was fearful that I'd lose the few contacts I had.  But I did get a good chuckle out of your post!  So true, and so funny!

 

I'm glad that my story could help even if in a small way.  I agree that the "acceptance" part is the most difficult.

 

 

I've had trouble keeping up with everyone's posts... mostly because I've jumped back on sporadically and usually at a time when I only had a few minutes.  Sorry for being so rude by not responding to everyone individually. I have been using my ipad instead of my laptop and it's a bit more challenging on here to cut and paste, etc.

 

I'm back to using a nail file!  I know, not the most accurate way to measure but after years of this crap, I don't feel like pulling out the gram scale again. What a pain that was! My kitchen table looked like a meth lab!  LOL!  I've tried liquid and that didn't work for me. Julia and I had high hopes for that one a year or so ago but it was a disaster.  I think that works better for longer acting benzo's such as valium.  Just my opinion.  I'm doing 5 swipes on two pills right now, will eventually do on all 4 doses, and then to 10 swipes, etc.  Once I get to 1/2 the pill on each, I'll know that I'm at .5 mgs total and then figure out how to proceed from there. 

 

I'm scheduled to get my first shot of the Covid vaccine next Wednesday the 17th and I'm getting a bit nervous.  I've certainly developed plenty of sensitivies and allergies over the past 3 years but I'm praying that none of them are too serious.  I'll keep you all posted.

 

Hope all are doing well today!  Today hasn't been great for me so I'm going to try to take a nap and regroup. 

 

Hugs to all!

 

Love,

Lori

 

Hi Lori,

Yes, we did have high hopes for the DLMT but it just did not work for us.  We are doing what we know works for us and I am ok with that.  Shaving pills may be something I have to end up doing but for now I will keep getting Dave to cut them for me.  Once I get down further, shaving or having him cut the pulls smaller may be what I do.

 

Good luck with your vaccine next week.  I hope you will do fine.  I think if you have not had allergic reactions so far that hopefully you will not have issues with the vaccine.  Being positive.

 

Miss you.  Take care.

 

Love,

Julia  :smitten:

[[to...]]

Lori,

 

You are doing amazing!  You will be off this stuff before you know it.  Please keep us posted to your reaction with regards to the vaccination, I will be praying it is smooth sailing.

 

Agree - just one day at a time.

[[Rc...]]

I am on my 24th day of tapering.  I was 13 days @1mg Xanax and, now 11 @ .875.  I am planning to cut to .625 next week as the Psychiatrist and PCP suggested but nothing is set in stone.  One day at a time.  I was on .75 for a few years and 1mg for one month.  I, too am surprised how much cutting 1/8 can affect me. 

 

I am fortunate to have the medical care I have and the therapist.  However, Sjogrens, Tinnitus, migraines, Neuropathy, depression and anxiety make it difficult to determine which symptoms are from which problem.  At the end of the day it doesn't matter. Meditation, Acceptance, CBT and exercise help it all.

 

Oh yeah, and a healthy dose of Dr Weeks.

Face

Accept

Float

Let time pass

 

I really wish you all the very best.  I am resting with my 18 year old Cat, Merlin.  Perfect medicine.

 

Rcristal

[[Wo...]]

Hi Rcristal! I was wondering how you have been! Did you get your vaccine shot? It sounds like you are plugging forward and working hard at it! Keep doing what you’re doing, and you’ll get there! Nothing better than animal snuggles! I’m recovering from Covid still, but gaining strength every day, but still very tired. Sending positive thoughts and vibes to you and everyone here. Keep kicking butt my benzo warriors! 

[[ba...]]

Rcristal:

 

We are so glad to have you. Your unique physiology, taper and tool box will benefit us all. We will gladly help you with a taper schedule. Having medical input is vital. There is nothing so helpful as a good medical provider who cares more about our well being than our taper.

 

rules of thumb:

1. slow and steady

2. listen to your body.

3, You are so much more than your suffering, and you are worth getting through it and coming out the other side, no matter how crazy or long it can get.

 

As you have multiple health issues, we want to be especially careful that you and your medical team are on top of those.  Please do not start any new physical practices without asking your medical provider about them first. That of course, includes my suggestions.

 

I can speak to some of your symptoms (from your post)

depression, migraines, Tinnitus and anxiety.

 

Here we go:

 

Every one of these is very common with withdraw. This is where we teach ourselves to rely on our tool box, and appropriate self care, more than the medication to learn to get through these awful physical manifestations. You already have several, collect more. One can never have enough coping skills.

 

Exercise is the magic tool for many of us. Exercise releases cortisol and increases gaba. Just be sure to sweat. Don't push into pain. Besides walking, you can do yoga, it is appropriate for the weakest to the strongest of us. It teaches us to breathe. I can't recommend a better exercise regime apart from walking. Then Yoga. Some yoga is designed just to completely relax. Others are for stretching muscles. And finally, more advanced yoga builds muscle very effectively.

 

This is very important. Benzo's are muscle relaxers. As your dose decreases, your muscles will throw an absolute fit, especially in areas where you already have pre-existing issues.

 

We can get into some acute pain as we decrease our dosage. Stretching muscles keeps them from getting "Tight," and oh how that hurts. Yin yoga is wonderful for tight muscles, and you don't have to be strong, it is about getting those muscles loose.

 

Next is strengthening. I have two suggestions. Find the best physical therapist you can who you have a report with. I have had a PT for 6 years due to chronic neck injuries, migraines and arthritis. I was already doing yoga, but my PT helps me focus in on weak areas, and maintaining good posture, while strengthening through it. PT"s have many tools to aid anyone , no matter where they are at. They are wonderful healers and helpers, especially after a debilitating injury (I count benzo's as a debilitating injury.)

 

I have suffered intense chronic migraines since I was 10 years old: I know what your going through. Even now, my temple is throbbing. It has become a daily event as my dosage has gone down.  Mostly, I can tolerate it. When it gets out of control, I turn to my physical therapist.

 

She also "Needles" my neck when I am in agony all over my cranium, in my face, and in my neck. I just went through a week of this agony. She needled me a few days ago. The pain has decreased, so I resumed my yoga today.

 

Needling is not acupuncture, and the therapist has to be licensed to do it.

https://www.choosept.com/resources/detail/

 

To summarize, keep walking, add on a good physical therapist who can instruct you on what is appropriate for your body when it comes to stretching, strengthening, and getting in appropriate cardio.

 

Exercise is also very helpful with depression. I want to add that depression is completely normal. Benzos have caused us so much damage, of course it upsets us. Embrace your full spectrum of emotions. This is where CBT comes in, which you already practice. We can't push down, medicate or hide from unpleasant emotions. Rather, we accept them as inevitable, and a part of our whole self. CBT teaches us to manage them, and in time, they do start to loose their power over us. We can watch them float by as "clouds of crap," while continuing doing what we want to do.

 

The discipline we develop to do this takes time, but it makes us aware of just how incredibly strong our will power, discipline and inner strength is.  It affirms that we are on a journey of healing. We will have set backs and blow outs. Perfectly normal. However, our vision is always looking forward, and we hang on to that with utmost confidence, because it will happen.

 

We are the strongest people on the planet, going through all these things, and learning and practicing ways to live now. Yes, right now. We don't have to wait to feel better.

 

Tinnitus is very common. I have gotten to the point where it no longer bothers me. Acceptance, validating the horrid squeal then telling it that it can scream away, have fun, but I am going to listen to music or do a Mala meditation anyway. I really no longer care about Tinnitus. It is a pesky irritant that simply I don't care about it. In this area, I have achieved complete acceptance, and it is incredibly liberating.

 

I have many other areas yet to go where I can say I have reached that state.

 

Now, Anxiety. This is a bear. We can't stop it. We can't medicate it. We can't logic it away. It is also the biggest liar in our heads. Again, CBT is a great way to learn to live with  it. The best asset I have for my own anxiety is distraction. Mop the floor, watch a Ted talk, take a walk. It still reduces me to a pile of goo, but I am in process.  Claire weeks is my go to when the anxiety is just too much. And, venting about it and getting it out there helps. You can start a log on here to use as a diary, you can also share with us just what your going through knowing we CARE, we want to help, and We support you.

 

This is a forum for being real, and honest, and nurtured.

 

I also listen to Claire Weeks. She is an old school doctor, now passed, who developed a positive, optimistic , no fear approach to helping us understand anxiety (Nervous suffering in her terminology.)  You can find her on you tube, she also has a great book called Help and Hope for your nerves.

 

Here is a YouTube link to her lectures: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZ-h2b3GGv7jxx_EBIUW8Vg/videos

 

In my own coping and recovery, I look for the positive. I do not watch You Tube posts about people in withdraw talking about how horrible it is. I much prefer a hopeful and encouraging voice that I can do this, and for me, that is Claire Weeks.

 

I hope I have helped.  I'm sure others can chime in with their own unique input. We look forward to your questions and input.

 

-Baddove

 

 

[[Rc...]]

Baddove,

 

  I am most appreciative of your input.  You are obviously a veteran at this and fully understand what we are all going through. In fact, most of those in this forum appear genuine and caring.

 

I first discovered Dr Weeks long ago. In the mid 70s, as a young man of 24-25, I suffered from anxiety/depression/agoraphobia.  For 18 months I was basically housebound.  Healthy living, lots of exercise (I actually ran 70 miles per week for several decades) and Dr Weeks gave me my life back.  Then, in my early 50s Sjogrens came along with hearing loss and Tinnitus.  Over time migraines, Rhynauds, arrythmia, low white blood count, GERD etc.  developed. 18 months ago my autoimmune issues flared up.  Liver enzyme issues, peyronie's and aura migraines joined the party.  These auras are no fun.  Also, during the holidays I lost my two lifetime best pals within 8 days. All of this along with the pandemic threw me into depression again.

So,,,,,, I dusted off my Dr. Weeks books, found a good therapist, an Integrative PCP at one of the major medical centers in the US and continued with my long time Rheumatologist.  By the way, as a 70 year old man my preference in health care providers is to have a Woman.  Women Docs actually listen.  These Docs are well schooled on this tapering business and are comfortable with the schedule. However, none of us are in a hurry.

 

Guided meditation, walking, resting and trying to read a bit make up my days. This tapering, even at a lower dose is no fun. However, acceptance, acceptance, acceptance...... I am hopeful that, in a few months I will be done with this poison.  Then I can continue with my healthy life and dealing with autoimmune issues.

 

I wish you all the best and hold you in the light.

 

Rcristal

[[ba...]]

:thumbsup:

[[to...]]

Hi all,

 

Happy Valentine's Day - I hope everyone is having a nice day!  For me - it has been a rough 3 days now.  I have been having stomach/side pains and not sure what it is.  I started with my legs and hip hurting 4 months ago and that is progressing into not sleeping well.  I finally had my xrays done and they show my bones are narrowing in my left hip but I have had this arthritis in my lower back and knees for about 5 years.  I am more concerned with the discomfort in both legs from my knees down to my feet.  It is like I have on compression socks all the time now.  My doc wants me to see a ortho doctor but I am not sure an ortho doc is who I need to see.  I have RA, fibro, severe arthritis in my neck and osteoarthritis in alot of areas. 

 

The following written by Baddove:

 

This is very important. Benzo's are muscle relaxers. As your dose decreases, your muscles will throw an absolute fit, especially in areas where you already have pre-existing issues.

 

I have noticed that the lower I go in dose, the worse the problems with my muscles and body are getting.  It sucks.  The last couple days have really had me hurting alot around my liver area (I do have fatty liver too but have never had problems with it before.  It was found by doing a CT for something else a couple years ago.

 

I am so sick of always having something hurting......  I believe most of this is because I am now under 1.0 mg.  Now at .5625, it has been 8 days since the last cut and the last couple have sucked!!!!!! 

 

Sorry for venting - just am tired of hurting and being scared it may be something other than tapering and lowering my dose of poison.  It is scary when you don't know for sure what is going on and then you do not want to go to another darn doctor - to find its anxiety or xanax etc.  My anxiety has increased too the last few days. 

 

And like Baddove was saying in another post -gaining weight - I have gained 20 pounds in the last year and I can not seem to lose it.  I hate it !  I hurt too bad right now to do much exercise and I do not eat that much - I feel like a fat cow and it is affecting my self esteem!  I know things will get better but damn - I have always had to watch my weight and since the pandemic, not going out etc. it has gotten harder.

 

Now - I will be ok and get through this and tomorrow is another day!  I will continue to be positive and keep doing what I am doing!

 

Thanks for being here!!!  Take care all!  On a positive note, my husband gets his vaccine shot tomorrow.  I pray he does well, I see no reason he wouldn't.

 

Love and hugs,

Julia 

[[ba...]]

I am so sorry Julia. I wrote a longer reply, but deleted it, I was repeating myself.

 

Essentially, I wanted to encourage you to try physical therapy for your muscle pain. The care is ongoing, no drugs, and very beneficial for people with severe issues. However, any kind of practitioner whom can give you relief is worth seeing.

 

I'm glad you vented, it does help.

 

Also good news about hubby getting his first shot.

 

You are so far into your taper, and everyone I communicate with who is near the end really struggles with a host of issues.  Just do the best you can. It's OK to fall apart. I know you will get right back up in spite of what your experiencing. I think the best thing I can offer you is a single word: temporary.  I have written that word (and others) on my arm with a sharpie at times.

 

I am more concerned with the discomfort in both legs from my knees down to my feet.  It is like I have on compression socks all the time now.

 

I have this as well. It's when I am in bed. Not every night, but most. It's so weird, my legs under my knees ache so bad at night. I have no explanation or solution, but it's a commonality, so worth mentioning.

 

I think this specific bizarre pain was part of what knocked me out of my frozen apathy and got me exercising again. I resumed my yoga a few weeks ago, and am now reaping the benefits. All pain is way down, and I am calmer. At first, I could only do 15 minutes, and hated it. I am now back to an hour, and loving it. If your interested, start with Yin yoga or easy Hatha, 10 minutes.  Lots of quality teachers on YouTube with a host of options. A physical therapist could also help you start an exercise program that meets you where you are now. This would prevent atrophy, which is quite nasty. Yoga does more for relieving the pain of wd than my xanax doses do.

 

I'm going to give you a very calming exercise, you can do it. It's only a few minutes, and very soothing.

 

You can massage your sore calves at any time, it can help as well.

 

Hang on, your in the end stretch. It is hard because your brain and body are exhausted. Tapering has taken it's toll. Think of it as you are running a 10k, and you have 2k to go. Your body is screaming at you to stop. You can barely lift your legs. Everything hurts, even your hair. You have road rash from your thighs rubbing together, your feet are blistered and bleeding in your shoes, your eyes are so dry you can barely see the track, and you feel like your going to collapse. You have pushed beyond what your body can deal with it, and it is letting you know it. But, if you can just do 2 more, even if it means crawling, you will have finished the race. And there is a prize worth more than a million dollars waiting for you  at the end.

 

And all of us are right there with you, you are not running the marathon alone. I have wet my pants along the way, and others have fallen and scraped their knees, and are dripping blood, and others are sucking on their oxygen bottles, their lungs are burning. Many have had to stop, but they are not quitting, just taking a break because of exhaustion and sunburn and a bird pooped on them and they have to catch their breath and get the knots out of their muscles.

 

You got this. And we got you.

 

Run baby, run, you are at the head of the pack, some of us are just starting. Once you cross that line, you can rest and let your brain and body heal from the taper and the benzo fall out. Hopefully in Fiji on a hammock.

 

[[Di...]]

Julia I am so sorry you are having such a hard time.  Sounds like Baddove has some great advice.  I have always believed physical therapy can be a great tool to use.  Wishing everyone better days ahead.  Prayers always. ❤

[[se...]]

I am so sorry to hear this Julia.  Good news, you have all of us who completely understand.  You are so close to bring off this stuff, stay strong!!  Your tough or you would not have gotten this far.  Hugs

[[Lo...]]

Julia, I am so sorry!  I get it though!

 

As you know (others may not) I did not have any muscle issues until I got under 1 milligram last year.  I'm talking NADA!  Hence, it threw me for a loop.  No amount of stretching, walking, exercising, yoga, meditation, etc. helped.  A few weeks after the updose I started to have 5-6 good days and then one day when it came back.  I didn't get too upset over that one day per week because I knew it would pass.  I usually just took myself to bed and knew I'd have a better day the next.  Hence, it was definitley the taper!

 

I've tried magnesium in pill form, massage oils, etc. and they didn't do a thing.  This was the primary reason that I updosed last year.  The amount of muscle tension, stiffness and pain was unbearable.  Not only do I experience it in my legs but also the upper portion of my stomach and worse, my neck!

 

The muscles in the front of my neck will lock up and I literally have to throw my head back and look up at the ceiling and wait for them to relax.  It honestly affects my breathing so it gets pretty darn scary! And Now that I'm reducing again, it's back with a vengance! Even my bike rides had to take a backseat.  So upsetting because I was so proud of myself!  I just said to my sister the other day, "how the hell am I going to get through the rest of this taper if I feel like this every single day?" 

 

Unfortunately, I truly believe that it's that taper.  Everyone I've ever talked to on here has said that the last milligram is the hardest part of the taper. 

I keep praying that it's my body telling me that my GABA receptors are trying desperately to heal!  That's the best I can come up with.

 

I'm sorry that I'm not more encouraging but at the very least I wanted you to know that you're not alone!

 

if needed, slow down. I had reached a point where I kept cutting and then even my hands and fingers would hurt so bad just from typing.  I couldn't even chop vegetables while making dinner without insane pain!  But I kept reducing anyway and I ended up couch or bed bound which is why I had to updose.  I don't want to see you have to do the same thing.  Sometimes much longer holds are needed towards the end!

 

We've both come sugh a LONG way in this journey.  Hang in there and Listen to your body. 

 

Sending hugs!  Love you!

 

Lori

[[Lo...]]

PS:  The weight gain issue!  UGH!!!!

 

I've always been thin!  Often too thin! In the first year or so of my taper, I lost a ridiculous amount of weight! Now?  I can't fit into ANY of the clothes I've been able to wear for 25 years now!

 

I have not been this heavy since I was pregnant.  I'm a good 10 lbs over my normal weight and at 5' 1.5' that's a significant weight gain for me.  I've tried eating no more than 1,000 calories per day (not healthy) and haven't lost a single pound.  I totally relate to it being so deflating and only making us feel worse about ourselves.  I like to believe that this will change after the taper as well.

 

Again, you are not alone!  Even someone who never had a weight problem in their life is stuggling! I live in pajamas half the time because very literally nothing fits me anymore! 

 

Lori

[[se...]]

Lori, don’t worry about the weight, you can only focus on one thing at a time.  I know once your off your weight will go back to normal.  I like the idea of pjs every day!!

[[Lo...]]

Lori, don’t worry about the weight, you can only focus on one thing at a time.  I know once your off your weight will go back to normal.  I like the idea of pjs every day!!

 

Thanks, Seasalt!  I agree with you.  My hope is that once the taper is over, my muscles will relax enough to allow me to exercise more.  Right now any exercise throws me into a frenzy of muscle pain and nerve burning... along with the internal vibrations.  It ramps up every single symptom and then I'm useless for the rest of the day/evening. 

 

I just pray that I'm in the worst of it now and that it will get better.  I can only hope.

 

And yes, I'm in PJ's as I'm typing!  LOL!  I could open a pajama store with the amount I've purchased over the past two years!

[[Wo...]]

Hey nothing wrong with that! I'm sitting in my PJ’s and like to wear them most days!  Seasalt is right, this is a tough process without adding the pressure of other stuff to it. I understand the weight thing too, I was so overweight but since getting sick in withdrawals and now tapering I've lost 53 of the lbs. I always say I'd rather be overweight and not have to taper this dumb benzo. But In reality I do have to taper it and it's a process but I'm plugging away at it. I think about you all and pray every night for you all to get through this. I can't wait till we are all off of this poison! Love and hugs to you all! 

[[Rc...]]

I am through four weeks of my taper.  I was only on 1mg of Xanax for a month. Prior to that I was on .75mg for a few years. Nonetheless, I started the taper at 1mg. I took .825 for two weeks and .75 for two weeks. Today is day one @.625.  This is the least I have been on in a while. The schedule is for two weeks and then another drop of 1/8 to .5.  We will see how it goes.

 

I have so many additional issues that it is difficult to know what is causing the various symptoms.  I deal with depression and anxiety with meditation, walking, acceptance, Dr. Weeks etc.  I realize I have said all of this before. I guess it helps me to say it again.

 

Yesterday I had blood drawn.  The Docs  are checking several dozen things.  We must keep an eye on Sjogrens, PSA, Liver enzymes, White Blood Count and so on. Autoimmune issues never take time off.  Also, I have been putting off a much needed appointment at the eye doc until I receive the second vaccine.

 

The suggestions I have received here are most appreciated.  Thank goodness I have lived a healthy lifestyle.  For decades I was a distance runner and a very active coach and mentor to hundreds of young men.  As I have said, I walk daily even when not up to it. 

 

I deal with Tinnitus with my hearing aids.  They are digital and have various channels.  For years I have listened to pleasant Zen sounds in my bad ear in an effort to retrain my brain. I, also deal with it with acceptance.  It is along for the ride.

 

My Wife does very active Yoga. Having had multiple surgeries I simply can't do it.  Walking is my exercise.

 

I realize this taper has several weeks and months remaining.  I absolutely HATE putting this poison in my body daily but know I must.  The anxiety I experience both from my chemistry and the taper are tough.  However, I let them wash over me.  During times of fear, pain, depression and anxiety lying calmly and relaxing is not for the faint of heart but it is affective.

 

This 70 year old fellow is going to meditate with my Wife and then walk.

 

I trust each of you have a good day,

 

Rcristal

[[to...]]

Baddove, Seasalt, Lori, DianeDeeDee,  Thank you all for your responses.  I am still in a bad way right now and it is difficult to function but I wanted to let you know I appreciate your responses.  I will respond more when I am better.  This has hit me and I am in a lot of pain but I know I will get better soon.

Hugs and love to you,

Julia

[[Rc...]]

Julia,

 

  I, too am holding you in the light.  I know the pain must be difficult.  I trust you will be comfortable soon.

 

Please be well.

 

Rcristal