Under the Rug (Trigger Warning)

[[Co...]]

Even before this nightmare withdrawal, I had made a decision to no longer put toxic chemicals on my head! I mean, my brain is in there!! Keep in mind, I already poisoned myself for decades with benzos and booze, and I am hypersensitive to chemicals. So now I am pretty militant. I try not to put chemicals in my body. Or on my body. Or in my house. All of that stuff gets into your bloodstream through the skin or by breathing it in. But I think it is a very personal decision.

 

 

[[up...]]

Even before this nightmare withdrawal, I had made a decision to no longer put toxic chemicals on my head! I mean, my brain is in there!! Keep in mind, I already poisoned myself for decades with benzos and booze, and I am hypersensitive to chemicals. So now I am pretty militant. I try not to put chemicals in my body. Or on my body. Or in my house. All of that stuff gets into your bloodstream through the skin or by breathing it in. But I think it is a very personal decision.

 

I agree but I’m just beginning this same journey and not there yet. It took this experience to get there. I do use natural cleaners, shampoo, soap, detergent because I have sensitive skin.

 

I’m one of the few people waiting to go grey!

It happens very late on my mother’s side. Going to let it grow in with the blonde.

[[Li...]]

Final Healing - First, welcome to this fun and supportive thread. I have not colored my hair for quite some time, although I did not stop due to any side effects. If it does worry you, would you feel good (or okay) if you had your natural color? Mine has a bunch of gray, but it does not bother me currently. I might revisit it if I can get back to a job.

 

Annie - I read your posts. You are not alone here. Hugs.

 

Cow - You did say you shortened to that right? Otherwise, I may be looking rude. Sorry if so. What do you mean when you say you feel a seizure coming on? What are the signs? Thanks.

 

Since I quit sugar (even Pepsi) this week due to high sugar levels, my blood sugar test this morning was 99 - the lowest my meter has ever seen. That is without meds. Yay. I have been eating mostly unprocessed foods and drinking water. My hands do not look so dried out now.

 

As for the Xanex, I feel more clear headed right before when I should go to sleep and when I get up. That would be when the Xanex is starting to clear out as it has a short life (as I read here). That seems strange. I would think I would feel better after taking the benzo. Anyone else notice this?

[[Fi...]]

Well I did end up coloring it but probably for the last time.

 

My mood has been so low that I felt I needed a boost.  Its' the root touch up stuff so will be gone in a few shampoos. 

 

So there I go. 

 

 

 

 

[[Co...]]

Cow - You did say you shortened to that right? Otherwise, I may be looking rude. Sorry if so. What do you mean when you say you feel a seizure coming on? What are the signs? Thanks.

 

Hey Lils, I'm not sure I understand your question, "shortened to that" (?) but please do NOT worry about seeming rude. Girlfriend, I am an open book with very thick skin! http://emoticoner.com/files/emoticons/smileys/wet-kiss-smiley.gifAs for seizure symptoms, I get tremors, jags, and twitches, visual disturbances, vertigo, clenching jaw, and dp.

 

FH, self-soothing is really important and if a root touch-up brightens your mood during this shit time, then by all means, go for it!  http://emoticoner.com/files/emoticons/smileys/girl15-smiley.gif

[[ea...]]

Oh! Glad I found this thread.

I have colored my hair for years. Started in my 40s. I am now almost 69, God help me. The last 6 years I was a dark redhead which looked great but now I just want to go natural. From what I can tell, I will be a light silver in front and darker in back. Two months ago I had my hair cut real short but it wasn't enough. Last month I had it cut again. I figure it will take almost a year for me to look like my natural self. I was in a store today and the saleslady was older than me (I think?) and her hair was dark brown. We chatted. She said that because my skin is SO fair, I will look washed out with silver hair!

PHOOYEY on her! At this point I need all the encouragement possible, not potential worries! BLUSH will fix that problem.

Women....we take on so much and think we have to be just perfect. It isn't so but that is what we have been taught.

east

[[We...]]

Hi east!!!  Thanks for dropping in...always good to see you.  You go for the silver girlfriend!!!  And you're right, nothing a little blush won't fix.  And I'm too old at this point to give a hoot anyway.  When I was young, the Dead Sea was only sick.  And now the birds singing outside my window are vultures.  How's your bear doing these days?  Give him a scratch behind the ear for me!!  Rock on silver fox!

 

Cow...thick skin is a very good thing and love your open book.  I think we could scare up a lot of fun together, girls night out.  I've been going non-chem cleaning too for a long time.  It's amazing how good the natural stuff works.  How's the every other night dose working?  Still ok?

 

Hope everyone is well...as well as can be expected.  Coming up on the two week mark on the jump!  But you know...I still haven't thrown away the rest...hope I'm not setting myself up..

[[Pe...]]

I’m here PH!   

 

There are so many rapid posts such that when I post, it’s getting lost in the abyss as if I’m not here! 

 

Love to all!

 

Annie

Hi sweet Annie! I see your posts    Sometimes when I read and try to script one, tho, my brain sends out an Error message 

 

Final Healing, welcome aboard The Love Boat. I'm Julie Your Cruise Director, we'll have shuffleboard on B deck and cocktails in the Gryphon Lounge at 3:30.  The imaginary "Hanz" (well muscled, gorgeous of course) will give a pec flex demo in the hot tub shortly.  Glad you found us!    I color my hair a gorgeous red every 5 weeks come Heck  or low benzos. 

My stylist is a mad genius.

 

Lily, way to go on nixing the sugar!  re: doses, I don't feel much from mine at all so I feel better as I go down in dose.  .5mg the other day bought me 2 hours sleep 

 

Cow, "go rams"  - erm, I was watching the wardrobe malfunction, did the game happen?    Haven't cared about a SB since the Eagles won in .. '82?

 

Lisa, how are you today? thinking about you 

 

Dee,   

 

Welchie, congrats on the two week milestone!  "When I was young, the Dead Sea was only sick."

 

Mountain, you out there?    a kiss for you

 

Sila, Joy, make a noise when you can 💝 💝  🎉

 

east coast, always good to see you!  washed out with silver hair, bah! better red (or silver) than.. benzo.

 

"I think we could scare up a lot of fun together, girls night out. "  I'd book a plane ride to make that party!

 

Stay strong, rock steady ladies, have a wonderful peaceful windows kind of day!!

 

-PH 🌷

[[We...]]

Wow...fourteen strong now!!  Or maybe 15???  Losing track...  Don't know how I would have made it this far without all you guys.

 

Glad you could stop by Peaceful.  How did the daytime cut go?  You sound pretty good, but you're always optimistic.  That keeps me going too.  Thanks for rooting for my two week milestone.

 

Joy...I looked up the t. effluvium.  It was interesting and helpful.  Stress related, of course.  Good to know it will grow back!!!  At least Final has some hair to color!!!  Mine's so fragile now I barely dare to brush it out in the morning.  I got all psyched up because I got up to 112 lbs...then back down to 110.  Arrrggh.  Well, at least that's better than 105.  Someday I will be able to wear a real pair of pants instead of elastic waistband sweatpants from Walmart.  I intend to burn every pair of sweatpants I own when this is over!!!

 

Well, no Aussie slang cuz Dee is still MIA.  Still thinking of you Dee...sending out good vibes and some mojo to you.

 

It's morning....time for instant human...just add coffee.  Have a good day everyone, as we meander to a different drummer.  Just wondering as I got dressed...why is it that undies are plural and bra is singular???

[[Pe...]]

Wow...fourteen strong now!!  Or maybe 15???  Losing track...  Don't know how I would have made it this far without all you guys.

 

Glad you could stop by Peaceful.  How did the daytime cut go?  You sound pretty good, but you're always optimistic.  That keeps me going too.  Thanks for rooting for my two week milestone.

 

 

It's morning....time for instant human...just add coffee.  Have a good day everyone, as we meander to a different drummer.  Just wondering as I got dressed...why is it that undies are plural and bra is singular???

 

hey lady    good to see you moving forward 🦋

cuts are going fine, am lopping away so i can get to .5mg total in April. sometimes i look at my chart numbers and get a mini anxiety attack; I have decided i'm done with feeling scared.   

 

Very proud of you Welchie, and very proud of all of us.  We're doing it! we got this!   

[[We...]]

Thank, Peace!

 

OK CALLING ALL ANGELS HERE.  I'M GOING TO ASK EVERYBODY HERE TO SEND LOVING PRAYERS TO OUR DEE.  I THINK SHE NEEDS THEM.

 

Thanks everybody.

 

[[up...]]

Just checking in. The same old same old here. 

 

I am still at 4 mg V (=0.2 Klonopin) and plan to stay here for a bit.

 

I posted to Builder on the titration subforum for help with a daily microtaper plan where I reduce 10% every 10-14 days.

 

If I can stay stable while my neurotransmitters and receptors are coming back online, I’d be lucky.

I have to call my doctor and ask her to prescribe liquid Valium. I hope she can!!

 

Annie 

 

 

[[...]]

Hanging in at 1 mg v. How’s Dee?

[[te...]]

Sending Dee my love and prayers

[[We...]]

Good luck with your liquid titration plan Annie.  Hope doc is on board.  Builder seems to be the go to guy for titration.  Kind of the same old same old for me too, which is good I suppose.  Still hoping the magic light switch goes on one morning and I'm CURED!!!  All at once!!! Voila!!!  For now I will try to stay disguised as a responsible adult.  I get glimmers of good progress here and there though.

 

Sila - It's been about a week and a half now for you on 1mg?  Sounds like you're holding steady.  Still exercising?  I decided to take an aerobics class.  I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down and perspired for half an hour.  But by the time I got my tights on, the class was over.

[[We...]]

Thanks tech

[[de...]]

My dear sisters. 

 

I'm sorry, my absence. 

 

I went awol, scedaddled.  Just couldn't deal with another thing so took myself away for a few days spent with an old friend of mine.  It wasn't the Valium, it was me.

 

This is Day 9 sitting on 1mg v and I'm feeling better.

 

I feel as if I'm detoxing, purging this crap from my body.  My hair has lost that horrible yellow tinge and not as dry.  More confident around others, not so much self loathing. 

 

Oh yes, and my toes which seemed locked in place following mad electric frog feet I had in the beginning have started to move again, and the skin on my legs better.  Lots of stuff seems to be sloughing away. 

 

Will wait to see what is happening at 2 weeks hold then decide next move. 

 

Really just wanted to get back.  I've missed you all.

 

Dee

 

 

 

[[Pe...]]

My dear sisters. 

 

I'm sorry, my absence. 

 

I went awol, scedaddled.  Just couldn't deal with another thing so took myself away for a few days spent with an old friend of mine.  It wasn't the Valium, it was me.

 

This is Day 9 sitting on 1mg v and I'm feeling better.

 

I feel as if I'm detoxing, purging this crap from my body.  My hair has lost that horrible yellow tinge and not as dry.  More confident around others, not so much self loathing. 

 

Oh yes, and my toes which seemed locked in place following mad electric frog feet I had in the beginning have started to move again, and the skin on my legs better.  Lots of stuff seems to be sloughing away. 

 

Will wait to see what is happening at 2 weeks hold then decide next move. 

 

Really just wanted to get back.  I've missed you all.

 

Dee

 

Hi sweetheart, so glad to see you!     

I'm thrilled to hear you feel better after 9 days and what great improvements :clap:  be proud of yourself Dee - you are truly a warrior! 

I missed you bunches and am relieved to see you back. 

love and hugs,

PH 🌷

[[We...]]

Walkabouts are good Dee!  Fair dinkum.  What we're going through is hard yakker but things were balls up without you.  Dry as a dead dingo's donger.  Glad all is well in Oz.

 

Very glad electric frog feet are straightening out and hair isn't as crunchy.  Day 9!!!  Woo hoo! 

 

(How I'm doing with my Aussie slang?  Is it so bad it makes you want to yodel?)

 

 

 

 

[[de...]]

Have just now caught up on everyone's posts and now can't put names to circumstance. 

 

Everyone is surviving, and that's all that counts. 

 

Thought maybe the Bros. Gibb, "Staying Alive", might have been well received. 

 

And sila, you are so welcome here, your personal attributes almost prerequisite for a trusting and healing time here on our thread, and which is turning into the most beautiful tapestry.  So many similarities. 

 

I'm having a lot of trouble expressing myself here, I do feel like I'm healing, getting better, but I'm dead set scared. 

 

Welchie, i went to the bra burning demo too but when I got there realised I didn't wear a bra because my breasts were too small.  I was there in spirit, but a tiny part of me yearned to be the girl in the ad.  Early conditioning.   

 

I have missed you all. 

 

Dee

[[de...]]

Our posts crossed.  Reading back now.

 

Yes, Welchie, 💕 I went walkabout.  Your use of aussie slang was perfect.    The dead dingo's donger is a bewdy. 

 

I'm glad to be back Peaceful.  I stayed with an old friend, just had to get out, yet she did not understand, not that I said much at all but did notice the condescending roll of eyes when I mentioned I was down to 1mg.  I miserable milligram, it still seems hard to believe. 

 

How you doing sila?  Today I feel somewhat depressed.  Are there any good "depression jokes"? 

 

Dee

 

*  just looked up depression jokes.  They were not very funny. 

 

[[We...]]

I'll work on it Dee....

[[Co...]]

Hi Lambchops, I am having one of these days...

 

 

...but I will get through.

[[up...]]

Whoops Dee! I just PMd you desperately before I saw your posts.

 

Thank goodness you’re here! I love you! 

 

Anne

[[up...]]

Dee and all you ladies...I haven’t read the last page or two. I will catch up and I will return someday to save you all from this benzo nightmare.

 

I need my superhero Benzo Girl outfit. That’s the only way I can do it. 

 

Love to all.

 

Annie