Under the Rug (Trigger Warning)

[[We...]]

That's what we need.  Super benzo woman outfits!!!  With capes and eye masks.

 

Cow...I checked out the you tube...looks like fun!!!  I'll be fantasizing about that for a few days now.

[[Li...]]

Cow - I was pretty sure you said you go by Cow on here, so I was double checking. Would hate to call anyone a cow if they did not okay that.

 

Your YouTube is from one of my favorite films - Citizen Kane. I did watch it every year, since I played it for a journalism class.

 

PH - Last week was really bad, but the last couple of days have been better. It helps that it was almost 70 degrees F. I did cut as it is so random on the s/e.

 

Dee - Glad to see you back and glad you got a chance to get away. Sorry about your friend and the eye roll. I gave up trying to talk to anyone here about benzos.

 

I don't know if you will consider this a depression joke, but it's close. Was finally able to check old files of materials. So here goes . . .

 

"Depression is just anger without the enthusiasm." (did not have a source)

 

Welchie - Yep. This is getting to be a large group. This week I can remember two or three at a time (names to new messages after clicking to post). Progress 

[[up...]]

That's what we need.  Super benzo woman outfits!!!  With capes and eye masks.

 

That’s right Welchie!   

[[de...]]

I keep posting and keep losing it.

 

Super benzo girl action suits are a winner I reckon. 

 

Does my belly look benzo in this? 

 

Dee

 

 

[[We...]]

Damned straight, Annie!!  Hey Annie...is that a new pic?  It looks more like a chimp than a rabbit.    Keeps us all guessing...  Dee...we can alter the outfits for benzo bellies and boobs on sticks.  And believe it!!! 1mg!!  Yay!!!  Sila's been rocking the 1mg too BTW.

 

Lily - all the more reason to pull a little Citizen Cane!!!  Bet that would cure the depression...attitude!!  Eh...then we'd just have to clean it up.  Or not. 

 

 

[[...]]

Dee and friends,

 

I’m on day 8 of 1 mg v, itching like hell and grumpy. I’ll likely cut another .25 mg at day 11 or 12.

 

No anxiety, too much decaf coffee, jogging on gym treadmill or working out on elliptical trainer an hour a day. Shedding excess weight and retained fluid. Benzo belly shrinking. Fatigue improving. Sounds ideal, right?

 

Well, I have either completely dealt with or am reexperiencing a rare and bizarre condition called polycythemia. There are secondary and primary versions.  Itching and fatigue can be symptoms of  polycythemia as histamine levels go berserk, and my itching is getting worse. I have the unexpressed genetic potential for polycythemia vera per 23andme. It’s a very long story. The treatment is unappealing. Phlebotomies, aspirin or awful drugs. I’m not running off to get polycythemia bloodwork until after I’m off v. I’ve been to the hematologist, had genetic testing via bloodwork, to be told that I don’t have polycythemia vera. Hopefully that’s true.

 

Anyway, I’m feeling better than I have in years and am scared shitless. Hopefully the itching is just my  neurons misfiring as v leaves my system.

[[We...]]

Itching and fatigue are so classic benzo.  I had killer itchy...still some.  Do not be scared shitless...unless you're also seriously constipated, in which case that could be good.  So another .25 in three days???

[[up...]]

Sila- I think it will resolve once your neuronal connections get rewired and the transmitters regulate. I really believe that. I started to get eczema and that has stopped. All the crazy neurological sxs I was experiencing that are similar to migraine aura symptoms, have disappeared or lessened. My skin is still reactive but getting better.

 

Now as for my hair, it’s stabilized but it’s still crunchy. Aargh. Ugh.

 

Welchie and Dee...let’s get all the super hero gear ready!  Benzo Woman is needed during these dark days. And yes Dee. Your benzo belly is fine. It just gives you more super benzo busting power!! 

 

LilyAnn- thank you for the kind comments awhile back. 

 

[[...]]

Welchie and Rabbit,

 

Thank you both! I’m tearing up in relief. I’m just so used to shit going wrong no matter what. Ok, I’ve had an orange excised from my brain, sent thyroid, uterus, ovaries and appendix to surgical waste, been through Lyme disease, still on herbs for Bartonella infection...you get the mood...

 

Welchie, yeah, another .25 mg in 3-4 days. My taper was hell many mgs ago; not so much now.

 

Rabbit, I’ve developed scalp psoriasis now.

 

Thank you both again! I’m usually the giver; not so used to taking 😘

[[de...]]

Hey sila, take this.....   

 

Dee x

 

 

[[We...]]

Wow, Sila...you've really been through the ringer kiddo.  No wonder you're expecting the worst.  I'm a Lyme survivor too BTW so I get that.  I had it really bad for about 4-5 years.  If you're still on meds for Bartonella...do you think this could be from antibiotics??  They can mess you up royally and cause all kinds of gut issues that will show up in a myriad of ways.

 

Well, it's about time, lady, you started taking - and giving to yourself!!!  Don't forget that's part of our healing path.

 

Glad you're one of the people whose sx get better the lower you go.

[[...]]

Dee, thanks! I accept! Take this in return, you amazing being! [ftp=ftp://:smitten:] [/ftp]

[[...]]

Welchie, My hat’s off to you, Lyme survivor! You have a true warrior’s sense of humor! Along with having a backbone of steel and a heart of gold!

 

I’m on herbal tinctures only for Bartonella. I refuse to do allopathic meds/antibiotics again, ever. Thinking that one new herb may be causing or exacerbating itching. I dropped it today. Yep, Bart messes with guts, liver, bones, you name it. I’ll be on Bart herbs for life to keep it under control. Not a big deal. I can still dance!

 

I think that dealing with Bart with herbs has gotten rid of the anxiety that put me on benzos in the first place. I also think that long-term Bart may be responsible for much if not all of the health issues I’ve dealt with.

 

Feeling vulnerable. Part of healing. V and before that Klon numbed out my vulnerability. I didn’t have to feel how I was hovering on the precipice of extinction.

 

So glad we’re all healing together! 

 

 

[[Pe...]]

Good morning, women warriors!     

 

A special request if anyone is up to it.  My buddy Monkeypig (ativan)  is back online, his pdoc (Canada) is a dork. He's seeking some guidance, but perhaps a kind word might help.

If you'd like to drop by and you can, that would be nice. 

 

Love to all, will respond to posts in a little while.

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=217742.0

 

[[We...]]

Aaawww!  Thanks sila - and back at you too    and everyone else here.  Just as an aside about the Lyme...after many different docs and many years and tens of thousands of dollars later...you know what worked for me???  Believe it or not - plain old sea salt and vitamin C.  There's a website called lymephotos that explains the protocol and it works for all co-infections too.  So for about twenty cents a day I finally found a healing modality that worked.  (The freaking Biaxin was $400 a month alone.)  Also check out a product called Wobenzym.  It's a proteolytic enzyme that cuts the biofilm so the body's immune system can kill the little f-ers off.  But I wasn't dealing with benzos back then so I was a little reluctant to mention it.  These freaking benzos...we get allergic to stuff like air and water!!!

 

Hey Peaceful...I think my cog fog may be back cuz I'm not sure exactly what you just said???  Are you sx again???  I'm going to check out the link you posted.

 

Cow...I'm still fantasizing about Citizen Kane    How's things with you today?

 

Hope everyone else is plowing through another day in paradise.

[[up...]]

Thanks for that info Welchie. I’m going to look it up.

 

Sila-You have been through way too much lady! I am so proud that you keep a positive attitude and that you’re allowing yourself to receive support. I know what it’s like to give too much and feel uncomfortable taking. You deserve support too. 

 

PH - I’m happy to see you. I will look at that link.

 

Annie

[[Co...]]

Hi guys, I'm not at Citizen Kane room-trashing levels of what I call "free-floating rage" today, but I am a bit beat up. http://emoticoner.com/files/emoticons/pink-mouse/give-up-pink-mouse-emoticon.gif

 

I just get so tired of waiting around to feel better so I can... I don't know... live or something. Like a lot of you, I've got other afflictions in addition to benzo WD, and sometimes it becomes a tad overwhelming. Don't mind me, I'm always worse in the mornings.

 

Anyway, very glad to be here and reading you alls posts helps me get back in the fighting spirit. http://emoticoner.com/files/emoticons/pink-mouse/boxer-pink-mouse-emoticon.gif

[[Pe...]]

Aaawww!  Thanks sila - and back at you too    and everyone else here.  Just as an aside about the Lyme...after many different docs and many years and tens of thousands of dollars later...you know what worked for me???  Believe it or not - plain old sea salt and vitamin C.  There's a website called lymephotos that explains the protocol and it works for all co-infections too.  So for about twenty cents a day I finally found a healing modality that worked.  (The freaking Biaxin was $400 a month alone.)  Also check out a product called Wobenzym.  It's a proteolytic enzyme that cuts the biofilm so the body's immune system can kill the little f-ers off.  But I wasn't dealing with benzos back then so I was a little reluctant to mention it.  These freaking benzos...we get allergic to stuff like air and water!!!

 

Hey Peaceful...I think my cog fog may be back cuz I'm not sure exactly what you just said???  Are you sx again???  I'm going to check out the link you posted.

 

Cow...I'm still fantasizing about Citizen Kane    How's things with you today?

 

Hope everyone else is plowing through another day in paradise.

Hi Welchie,

no I'm doing fine. The link is to the thread of a buddy of mine, he could just use a kind word or a suggestion.

His doc is a dork.

[[Pe...]]

I keep posting and keep losing it.

 

Super benzo girl action suits are a winner I reckon. 

 

Does my belly look benzo in this? 

 

Dee

 

 

Nah ya look great - can't get mine up past the thighs and clearly this cape was made by Torquemada 

[[Pe...]]

Thanks for that info Welchie. I’m going to look it up.

 

Sila-You have been through way too much lady! I am so proud that you keep a positive attitude and that you’re allowing yourself to receive support. I know what it’s like to give too much and feel uncomfortable taking. You deserve support too. 

 

PH - I’m happy to see you. I will look at that link.

 

Annie

Annie, hi hon! I'm happy to see you too 

Thanks for replying to Monkeypig, he's good guns. 🌹

 

Cow, I hear you.    I spent most of the last four months in overwhelm. Just now starting to move forward.  You should b*tch any old time you like, mornings or nights, we're all here for you.  🦋

 

So Super Benzo Girls, i am taking my last afternoon dose today .02    Over the weekend my total dose will be .75 stupid benzo, and I'm real glad!   😊   can i git an AMEN 

[[We...]]

Rock on Peaceful!  You go girl!!  Congrats!  And you tell that benzo to put THAT in its pipe and smoke it!!!

 

Cow - even though I'm getting way better than before - mornings still are the worst. (relative)  Even when I sleep ok.  Don't know what the deal is with that.  You still doing the every other day dose?

 

Annie - you said thanks a while back and duh I wasn't sure for what...do you have Lyme too? 

 

Hugs to everyone.  I'm going to check in on Monkey now...

[[up...]]

Thanks for that info Welchie. I’m going to look it up.

 

Sila-You have been through way too much lady! I am so proud that you keep a positive attitude and that you’re allowing yourself to receive support. I know what it’s like to give too much and feel uncomfortable taking. You deserve support too. 

 

PH - I’m happy to see you. I will look at that link.

 

Annie

Annie, hi hon! I'm happy to see you too 

Thanks for replying to Monkeypig, he's good guns. 🌹

 

Cow, I hear you.    I spent most of the last four months in overwhelm. Just now starting to move forward.  You should b*tch any old time you like, mornings or nights, we're all here for you.  🦋

 

So Super Benzo Girls, i am taking my last afternoon dose today .02    Over the weekend my total dose will be .75 stupid benzo, and I'm real glad!   😊   can i git an AMEN 

 

Amen! Woot woot! 

 

He does seem like a good guy.

 

And ladies...I am in my slick new black Benzo Woman suit with a purple B on the front, and a purple cape and mask. No benzo belly here so I’m going to need your benzo busting benzo belly Dee!

[[Co...]]

http://emoticoner.com/files/emoticons/smileys/partu3-smiley.gif

 

Thanks PH, and good job with the tapering! http://emoticoner.com/files/emoticons/smileys/hi5-smiley.gif

 

I am on day 4 of no benzo. But the half life of flurazepam is 4 days, so not out of the woods yet! Had to take 1mg last time I got this far. Fingers crossed!

[[up...]]

http://emoticoner.com/files/emoticons/smileys/partu3-smiley.gif

 

Thanks PH, and good job with the tapering! http://emoticoner.com/files/emoticons/smileys/hi5-smiley.gif

 

I am on day 4 of no benzo. But the half life of flurazepam is 4 days, so not out of the woods yet! Had to take 1mg last time I got this far. Fingers crossed!

 

Cow! How did I miss that you’re on 4 days no benzo?!?!

 

Congratulations! That is amazing!    So happy for you!

 

 

[[We...]]

I somehow missed it too, Rabbit!!  Lots of lively traffic on the thread now.  (I can totally picture the giant B on the superhero ensemble.  Can we do this in high heels?  Or I guess these days my gray slippers.)

 

Way to go Cow!!!  Strap yourself in good and tight for that half dose timeline.  I'm sure you know it can be a bugger to get past.  So you are officially jumped!!  Woo Hoo!!  I'm here on the other side to catch you!!!  Life after benzo awaits and we now have the outfit!  I wish I could do all the fancy tech stuff you do...like hook up links and all.  I'm the type that needs to borrow somebody's three year old for everything.  When I first hooked up my DVD, the electric can opener started playing movies. 

 

Wow!  So many of us here are at the finish line!!!  Makes me want to bust into song!!!