Over 60 help and support.

[[Kr...]]

Thanks Sunshine... I think Claritin is an antihistamine .. I had histamine issues (still do ) and joined a ‘low histamine food group’ on Facebook which helped a little.  I’ve just discovered magnesiumoil spray which appears to be the first thing that’s given me some relief.  I’m sure we have been poisoned and should act and have the same expectations as recovering from a poison that has affected the central nervous system.  I can’t deny the improvements; I’m working 30 hours a week, but also have to pace myself and still have bad days which are nightmarish... I force myself to think that logically the symptoms will continue to lessen... it just takes a while (I liken it to those movies where soldiers with shell shock are sitting in beautiful gardens with a rug over their knees recovering with lots of R &R ... recovery is slow, expectations low but belief in eventual healing virtually guaranteed) xxx

[[ga...]]

Is anyone else besides me alone on Thanksgiving this year?  I'm 65 and this is the first time in my life to be alone for this holiday.  I'll likely be alone on Christmas, too, which will be another first.  It's hard not feel sorry for myself....I'm fighting it, but have been crying a lot yesterday and today.  I've never been so lonely....ever.

 

I cut to 1.67 mg of valium tonight.  Goodness....will this EVER end??  Benzos and ADs have destroyed the last four years of my life and all of my relationships.  I've lost my siblings and all my friends.  This is a really hard time of year for those of us who have lost so much due to psych drugs.  I think God is teaching me humility and gratitude for even the smallest things.  I hope I learn the lesson well. 

[[Ca...]]

Hi gardenlady -- I am very sorry to hear that you will be alone this Thanksgiving and it is bothering you so much.  Hopefully, this is the last year it will be this way. The holidays are not much fun for most everyone in withdrawal, including me. It is hard not to think back on better times when we were feeling better.

 

One thing I did was to join AA even though I was not a drinker.  I just figured that people there would understand the struggle of recovery.  And they seem to for the most part even if they are a little perplexed by benzo withdrawal.  However, they always have marathon gatherings on holidays because so many people in recovery have lost family and friends and have no where to go.....just a thought...

 

Personally, I would like to go to sleep tonight and wake up and have it be January 2......but it is better than last year!!

 

Carol

 

 

[[Bl...]]

Hi gardenlady...I'm sorry that you will be alone during Thanksgiving, it's sad how many holiday gatherings that we miss but hopefully this will change as we heal. I fully understand why this is upsetting you, and most people don't understand what we go through unless they have gone through this journey too. I'm in a similar boat to you and it seems that what little family I have abandoned me along with so called friends.  However we will get through this and emerge wiser and more powerful than before.

 

You are doing great with your taper , so be very proud of yourself. I will keep you in my prayers. Take good care 

 

Blue

[[ni...]]

Here we are a motley group of oldies but forever young at heart. When my 98 year old mother turned 90. her younger sister who was 80, asked her what nursing home she thought she wanted to go to. My mother said she didn't know because she wasn't old yet. 

Mother is turning 98 next month and still lives alone on the farm, drives to town, plays bridge, cooks, has a garden. She is an amazing woman. My sister and I had a 90th birthday party open house for her and she complained afterwards that she never wanted a party again because people started treating her like she was old. 

After being on benzos for almost 20 years, I feel old. My mother has more energy than I do, but I am moving forward. What I keep wondering is how many of us have recovered after being sleep deprived for months and years?

 

[[Su...]]

Great story of your Mom Nightengale,

And such good timing for this post.  I was feeling down this morning thinking that by the time the fatigue from withdrawing is gone I'll be tired 'cause I'm old! I'm going to remember your Mom....  I intend to be driving and gardening and crusty when I'm 90!  Thanks for the inspiration today.

 

I'm sorry that you are feeling lonely Gardenlady for Thanksgiving.

We had Canadian thanksgiving last month -- and I crown you an honourary Canuck, so then tomorrow is just another day.....  Not minimizing what you are feeling.... just hoping that a bad joke can bring a wee smile?

  You have us, the virtual friends, and weirdly we count so much for each other as we do get it  ....  This whole thing sucks, but We're in it Together!  This dance with the benzo beast....

:smitten:

SS

[[ga...]]

I'm sorry that you are feeling lonely Gardenlady for Thanksgiving.

We had Canadian thanksgiving last month -- and I crown you an honourary Canuck, so then tomorrow is just another day.....  Not minimizing what you are feeling.... just hoping that a bad joke can bring a wee smile?

  You have us, the virtual friends, and weirdly we count so much for each other as we do get it  ....  This whole thing sucks, but We're in it Together!  This dance with the benzo beast....

:smitten:

SS

Thanks, so much SS, for your kind note!!

[[ni...]]

suffering60, I'm glad my mother's comments gave you some smiles.

We are all going to get through this in one piece!

Last night I slept well. I had such a bad night after fixing Thanksgiving dinner. Last night I slept well. Today I even took a nap!

I do love the windows. 

[[Su...]]

Yay Nightengale!

Sleep is good medicine!

:smitten:

SS

[[Ma...]]

Any chance I could join you guys?  I’m only 59 (never did I expect to be saying ‘only’ and ‘59’ in the same sentence!!) but I can relate to so much of what you’re talking about and would appreciate support from folk around my own age. I’ll understand if not though. I’m not 60 until September 2018 and sincerely hope I’ll be in a much better shape to celebrate that birthday because my 59th was the most miserable one I’ve spent so far!

[[Ni...]]

Any chance I could join you guys?  I’m only 59 (never did I expect to be saying ‘only’ and ‘59’ in the same sentence!!) but I can relate to so much of what you’re talking about and would appreciate support from folk around my own age. I’ll understand if not though. I’m not 60 until September 2018 and sincerely hope I’ll be in a much better shape to celebrate that birthday because my 59th was the most miserable one I’ve spent so far!

 

Psssst! Wanna buy a fake ID ?! I know a guy who knows a guy....  

[[Ma...]]

So THAT’S what the pms are for   And there was me thinking you were one of the good guys ......

[[Ca...]]

I'll subtract a couple from my age and give them to you

[[Ma...]]

Deal Cally!

[[ni...]]

I have a question that I need help or reassurance on.  My brain is somewhat with it, my body not so much in the last few years of benzo use and then it worsened after I started tapering.  My biggest concern is will my brain really recover once I am healed and will I ever heal after almost 20 years on clonazepam and ambien? Since I jumped, my insomnia has gotten even worse, with an occasional night of sleeping 6-7 hours. I've not felt all that good, but at least I did sleep. The last week or more, I've slept so little and my brain and body are falling apart.  Beings my husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer's last February, (something I had tried to tell our family doctor at least 10-15 years ago and got no where with it.) Anyway, I'm his primary care giver and do okay most of the time. He has his good times and bad times throughout the day, but thankfully at night, he still sleeps okay.  We do have long term care insurance, so when I can no longer deal with taking care of him, he will go to a memory care facility. 

I just have concerns that my brain will go back to normal and frankly, I am not sure what normal is anymore. I'm so tired and so drained from this benzo ordeal, it is hard to find a happy place anymore.

Thanks for listening.

[[bl...]]

I was on clonazapem for 20years too. I’m soon 63. My last dose was 4/26/2017. A lot of mental relief has occurred for me. My agoraphobia is gone and my anxiety is normal. There has been no return of depression. My worst symptoms are caused from my brain/nervous system connection trying to heal. The nerve pain has improved dramatically, but on bad days I’m still on a heating pad for hours. The previous symptoms are like a bad dream, an unbelievable nightmare. This may not seem encouraging, but when I think of my condition this past summer, it’s like night and day. I still have physical pain, but mentally the fog, and sense of disconnect has lifted. If you had met me 4 months ago you may have been alarmed. I had family who was. Now I’ve been able to add more days to my community “stuff”. One day out has became 2 days. That has increased to 4 etc. so long story short, I must be improving. Now if my bradycardia would just resolve....

[[Ca...]]

Hi -- did you taper off of the benzo?? That's a fast recovery.

 

Carol

[[bl...]]

I tapered for 9 months. The dr I was seeing wanted me to taper 1/2 a mg every two weeks. I knew that would be a terrible mistake. I had been on 2-3 mg off and on for 10 of the 20 years I was on Klonopin. The w/d symptoms started as soon as I began to reduce, with the Afib being the most prevalent symptom. There were 2 ER visits before I realized what was going on with my heart. Then at the beginning of April terrible body symptoms began. Every system was affected. My head, eyes, ears, breathing, heartbeat, digestion, skin, bone, teeth, core temperature. No Part of me was spared. My nervous system was in full blown crisis. I researched everything I could find on this horror. I "trialed and errored" until I found what worked for me. I got help about healing from a sister who is fighting cancer. Every aspect of my life changed. What went in my mouth, what I watched, what I read, everything was and has been paying attention to my physical and spiritual needs. After my third ER visit for intense pain of the pancreas, liver, etc. I had to make peace with my own mortality as well. I'm not being morbid, just realizing how truly temporary and fragile my life is has made me appreciate things like Ive never been able to before. Things that scared me at one time don't anymore. I've never faced a "Beast" like this and I've seen some terrible things in my life. This topped them all. I am continuing to listen to my spirit, body and mind with a new depth and determined anyone who comes into my life, suffering, will not go through that experience alone. I have had to do a lot of this alone and it seems a very odd aspect of modern culture that I'm not willing to "cop" to. Wow. I guess I really needed to get it off my heart. But there is so much wonderful information out there now about diet, breathing, meditation, sunshine, music, movement, laughter, and so much more,  all the things that make the hardships of this life, doable. It's been an adventure discovering the things life provides for health and enjoyment. I live on a small SSDI income and everything I'm doing for me is right here in my local community and dirt cheap if not free. Any one going through this has amazing aspects of themselves. To endure this and come out on the other end? They'll write books about this shit someday.

[[Ca...]]

That's a very inspiring story.  Thank you for sharing.

 

Carol

[[ga...]]

I tapered for 9 months. The dr I was seeing wanted me to taper 1/2 a mg every two weeks. I knew that would be a terrible mistake. I had been on 2-3 mg off and on for 10 of the 20 years I was on Klonopin. The w/d symptoms started as soon as I began to reduce, with the Afib being the most prevalent symptom. There were 2 ER visits before I realized what was going on with my heart. Then at the beginning of April terrible body symptoms began. Every system was affected. My head, eyes, ears, breathing, heartbeat, digestion, skin, bone, teeth, core temperature. No Part of me was spared. My nervous system was in full blown crisis. I researched everything I could find on this horror. I "trialed and errored" until I found what worked for me. I got help about healing from a sister who is fighting cancer. Every aspect of my life changed. What went in my mouth, what I watched, what I read, everything was and has been paying attention to my physical and spiritual needs. After my third ER visit for intense pain of the pancreas, liver, etc. I had to make peace with my own mortality as well. I'm not being morbid, just realizing how truly temporary and fragile my life is has made me appreciate things like Ive never been able to before. Things that scared me at one time don't anymore. I've never faced a "Beast" like this and I've seen some terrible things in my life. This topped them all. I am continuing to listen to my spirit, body and mind with a new depth and determined anyone who comes into my life, suffering, will not go through that experience alone. I have had to do a lot of this alone and it seems a very odd aspect of modern culture that I'm not willing to "cop" to. Wow. I guess I really needed to get it off my heart. But there is so much wonderful information out there now about diet, breathing, meditation, sunshine, music, movement, laughter, and so much more,  all the things that make the hardships of this life, doable. It's been an adventure discovering the things life provides for health and enjoyment. I live on a small SSDI income and everything I'm doing for me is right here in my local community and dirt cheap if not free. Any one going through this has amazing aspects of themselves. To endure this and come out on the other end? They'll write books about this shit someday.

BT, I agree with CJ that yours is an inspiring story!  Are you doing this alone or do you have a spouse who supports you?  I wish I could be as upbeat as you are.

[[ni...]]

bluetruck64 thanks for sharing your journey. Ours is very similar in so many ways. I also wonder if I will survive this and think that when it happens, I wont look back. It is an incredibly rough road. Last night I did sleep some, which has happened so rarely since I jumped. I've had all of these skin issues since I started tapering and yesterday a plastic surgeon removed 8 "lesions" off of my chest and sent them in to see if they were cancer. I don't think they are, but it did feel good that this new doctor treated me like I was somebody. I too had been in the ER having no idea it was clonazepam. Twp yeas ago,  for extreme dizziness, when I awoke during the night .No reason was found. A year and a half ago, my husband awoke to find me up and dressed repeatedly asking what the day was. He called our daughter who came over and she took me to the ER. I was diagnosed with transient global amnesia. I started coming around that afternoon and after I passed a cognitive test I was released the next morning. Benzos are a BEAST and hopefully we were the guinea pigs that will set the coming generations free from going through what we did, once upon a time.

I've not been off long enough to be at the place you are, but I hope to get there.

[[bl...]]

Hang in there! It is a physically brutal ride. But no matter what I’ve experienced, I will not go back there. I am my own medical advocate now. I research any condition that arises, and make my informed choices from there. We forget, historically, medicine is a new science. A neurologist I consulted, was honest enough to tell me that that field knows nothing about the true workings of the brain. She could identify the structure perfectly, but as for the true implications of its total influence on the human system, as a whole, they know very little about the “mighty computer” housed in our heads. Her advice, think before you ingest anything that tampers with the brain and be aware that most chemicals, be they natural or synthetic, may cross the brain barrier. Her advice was based on the possibility that my brain, hence my nervous system, is under construction...healing.

[[Su...]]

 

what an amazing thread! Resilience, perseverance, courage and the willingness to share and write about it. Thank you all for this.

My story is still unfolding as I begin to try to taper some of the Valium that I added to my mix.  So far so good....

It amazes me that things that five months ago would have been truly horrific to feel today just seem to be part of the package of life -- these days.

It's an ever-changing landscape I find!

:smitten:

SS

 

[[ga...]]

Hang in there! It is a physically brutal ride. But no matter what I’ve experienced, I will not go back there. I am my own medical advocate now. I research any condition that arises, and make my informed choices from there. We forget, historically, medicine is a new science. A neurologist I consulted, was honest enough to tell me that that field knows nothing about the true workings of the brain. She could identify the structure perfectly, but as for the true implications of its total influence on the human system, as a whole, they know very little about the “mighty computer” housed in our heads. Her advice, think before you ingest anything that tampers with the brain and be aware that most chemicals, be they natural or synthetic, may cross the brain barrier. Her advice was based on the possibility that my brain, hence my nervous system, is under construction...healing.

I don't know why but what this neurologist said really scares me and makes me wonder how much irreparable damage I've done to my brain.  Of course, no one understands the brain, but seeing it in writing like this unnerves me.  I can't believe how stupid I was to trust the doctors who prescribed this poison.  It's hard knowing it was self-inflicted....if ONLY I had read up on these drugs before putting them in my mouth. 

[[bl...]]

Your fear is normal. Oh so normal. I hold on to the understanding that until the heart stops beating every part of the human body works very hard toward healing. It's what it's built to do. My sister, who has cancer, was told this. If I wasn't healing, I'd be where I was 3 months ago. That was pure hell. Pure hell it is not anymore. And there are parts of it that have been so very educational, I'm grateful for that. So until I'm gone from here I will continue to pursue the multitude of healing avenues available to choose from. I'll be here anyway, so what the "hey".