Updosing Support Group

[[Ma...]]

After holding for about 6 weeks (without updose)my symptoms did not improve and worsened tremendously. I updosed on Nov 2 and am feeling better. Any buddy that advises to power thru is giving insanely dangerous advice. Without that updose, I could be in unsustainable condition.

 

Very glad it helped  Mag, some people it doesn't though.  Same with all benzo issues, too many variables, but definitely something that needs to be considered. 

[[Ho...]]

hello buddies i need some advice. i have been holding and cutting very slowly since around may2019 when my taper seems to have hit a wall again. but it seems i am not improving but getting worse. getting more and more nonfunctional and depressed. i seem to have kindled from 2 failed tapers and also hit tolerance. i think i am screwed. im too scared to do anything. keep holding? updose? try cutting while not feeling well? try other meds? please help me guys my thoughts are slowly getting darker since mid 2019. if i can get stable im even ok with staying on a small dose indefininely from whatever med i can tolerate but im too scared. these meds are so bad i regret ever going to a psychiatrist.

[[NJ...]]

hello buddies i need some advice. i have been holding and cutting very slowly since around may2019 when my taper seems to have hit a wall again. but it seems i am not improving but getting worse. getting more and more nonfunctional and depressed. i seem to have kindled from 2 failed tapers and also hit tolerance. i think i am screwed. im too scared to do anything. keep holding? updose? try cutting while not feeling well? try other meds? please help me guys my thoughts are slowly getting darker since mid 2019. if i can get stable im even ok with staying on a small dose indefininely from whatever med i can tolerate but im too scared. these meds are so bad i regret ever going to a psychiatrist.

 

Here is my story, for what it's worth as I have not been able to get off.

 

I tried twice to taper. Failed twice. On the third try I knew I needed to do something different. I added mirtazapine, I was able to cut my dose in half. Unfortunately I hit a wall, had very bad life stress, and eventually updosed to get stable and completely functional, which has taken about a year into the updose. I am now down in dose just 25 percent from my original but I am doing well. My intense, nearly suicidal depression is gone, I am sleeping well, my nausea is mostly gone, I really am feeling confident about life.

 

I know I cannot cut through symptoms as it just doesn't work ... it gets worse. I really tried to push and got down to about .33 mg of K but I was a complete mess. My son got sick, I needed to be there for him 100 percent, so I did what I had to do.

 

I hope that I can taper at some point in the future. But it will be ridiculously slow and will not allow myself to get into a bad place again.

 

This is just my story. Hopefully others will respond. No one call tell you what to do but for me adding a med and updosing and holding gave me my life back.

 

 

[[Ho...]]

thank you NJstrength for sharing your experience. much appreciated

[[Ol...]]

hello buddies i need some advice. i have been holding and cutting very slowly since around may2019 when my taper seems to have hit a wall again. but it seems i am not improving but getting worse. getting more and more nonfunctional and depressed. i seem to have kindled from 2 failed tapers and also hit tolerance. i think i am screwed. im too scared to do anything. keep holding? updose? try cutting while not feeling well? try other meds? please help me guys my thoughts are slowly getting darker since mid 2019. if i can get stable im even ok with staying on a small dose indefininely from whatever med i can tolerate but im too scared. these meds are so bad i regret ever going to a psychiatrist.

 

Hi Hope,

I too updosed in March 2018 back to 2mg and I stayed there for 1.5 years. I had no idea how long I was going to hold, I just knew I needed to hold indefinitely until I started to feel better, because like you, I had gotten down to 0 and totally crashed. After a year and a half, I finally started to feel normal again. Thankfully!!!!! Once I felt pretty good, I started to taper again, very slowly, and I have not had any major symptoms.. it has been a few months now, the updose and loooooong hold were very worth it to me! I wish you well on this journey, even if it feels like you are stuck in a bind that you can't get out of, you can, and you will. Much love.

 

[[va...]]

hello buddies i need some advice. i have been holding and cutting very slowly since around may2019 when my taper seems to have hit a wall again. but it seems i am not improving but getting worse. getting more and more nonfunctional and depressed. i seem to have kindled from 2 failed tapers and also hit tolerance. i think i am screwed. im too scared to do anything. keep holding? updose? try cutting while not feeling well? try other meds? please help me guys my thoughts are slowly getting darker since mid 2019. if i can get stable im even ok with staying on a small dose indefininely from whatever med i can tolerate but im too scared. these meds are so bad i regret ever going to a psychiatrist.

 

Hi Hope,

I too updosed in March 2018 back to 2mg and I stayed there for 1.5 years. I had no idea how long I was going to hold, I just knew I needed to hold indefinitely until I started to feel better, because like you, I had gotten down to 0 and totally crashed. After a year and a half, I finally started to feel normal again. Thankfully!!!!! Once I felt pretty good, I started to taper again, very slowly, and I have not had any major symptoms.. it has been a few months now, the updose and loooooong hold were very worth it to me! I wish you well on this journey, even if it feels like you are stuck in a bind that you can't get out of, you can, and you will. Much love.

 

Hi Olive Kitty,

 

I love to read your posts and you know I'm following your footsteps. I would like to ask you, in your previous taper, when you were cutting, were you very symptomatic while tapering and this made you crash when you got to zero? Or were you doing kind of OK and then got to zero and crashed? I imagine it's the first, but I wanted to ask you. I really don't want to add more mistakes to my approach here. I'm so glad you're doing well this time.

 

Magnolis, I'm happy to read that you're feeling some improvement. 

[[be...]]

hello buddies i need some advice. i have been holding and cutting very slowly since around may2019 when my taper seems to have hit a wall again. but it seems i am not improving but getting worse. getting more and more nonfunctional and depressed. i seem to have kindled from 2 failed tapers and also hit tolerance. i think i am screwed. im too scared to do anything. keep holding? updose? try cutting while not feeling well? try other meds? please help me guys my thoughts are slowly getting darker since mid 2019. if i can get stable im even ok with staying on a small dose indefininely from whatever med i can tolerate but im too scared. these meds are so bad i regret ever going to a psychiatrist.

 

Here is my story, for what it's worth as I have not been able to get off.

 

I tried twice to taper. Failed twice. On the third try I knew I needed to do something different. I added mirtazapine, I was able to cut my dose in half. Unfortunately I hit a wall, had very bad life stress, and eventually updosed to get stable and completely functional, which has taken about a year into the updose. I am now down in dose just 25 percent from my original but I am doing well. My intense, nearly suicidal depression is gone, I am sleeping well, my nausea is mostly gone, I really am feeling confident about life.

 

I know I cannot cut through symptoms as it just doesn't work ... it gets worse. I really tried to push and got down to about .33 mg of K but I was a complete mess. My son got sick, I needed to be there for him 100 percent, so I did what I had to do.

 

I hope that I can taper at some point in the future. But it will be ridiculously slow and will not allow myself to get into a bad place again.

 

This is just my story. Hopefully others will respond. No one call tell you what to do but for me adding a med and updosing and holding gave me my life back.

NJ, I think you have come a long way, and when you are ready, I am sure you will start to taper again, and if it is slow, so be it, you know what can happen and you chose to go back to benzo dose. I used to feel like I had failed twice also, but I changed those tapes to myself, I did not fail, my Doctor's ridiculous taper plan failed me. I think undue suffering to get off is a horrible way to live, I know this very well. I also know with a slow taper and time, I have been able to walk off and very little wd sx's, I do not consider myself lucky, I just knew what did not work and I knew I had to try one more time...and do it my way. Stay Strong and hold your head high, you made the best decision for you. I hope your Son is feeling better. 💖 Peace and Healing.

[[be...]]

hello buddies i need some advice. i have been holding and cutting very slowly since around may2019 when my taper seems to have hit a wall again. but it seems i am not improving but getting worse. getting more and more nonfunctional and depressed. i seem to have kindled from 2 failed tapers and also hit tolerance. i think i am screwed. im too scared to do anything. keep holding? updose? try cutting while not feeling well? try other meds? please help me guys my thoughts are slowly getting darker since mid 2019. if i can get stable im even ok with staying on a small dose indefininely from whatever med i can tolerate but im too scared. these meds are so bad i regret ever going to a psychiatrist.

 

Hi Hope,

I too updosed in March 2018 back to 2mg and I stayed there for 1.5 years. I had no idea how long I was going to hold, I just knew I needed to hold indefinitely until I started to feel better, because like you, I had gotten down to 0 and totally crashed. After a year and a half, I finally started to feel normal again. Thankfully!!!!! Once I felt pretty good, I started to taper again, very slowly, and I have not had any major symptoms.. it has been a few months now, the updose and loooooong hold were very worth it to me! I wish you well on this journey, even if it feels like you are stuck in a bind that you can't get out of, you can, and you will. Much love.

OliveKitty I am so happy for you, and thanks for letting others know that we have choices, we are the minority, but we must let others know that there is more than one way to slay the benzo beast. 💖 Peace and Healing.

[[NJ...]]

hello buddies i need some advice. i have been holding and cutting very slowly since around may2019 when my taper seems to have hit a wall again. but it seems i am not improving but getting worse. getting more and more nonfunctional and depressed. i seem to have kindled from 2 failed tapers and also hit tolerance. i think i am screwed. im too scared to do anything. keep holding? updose? try cutting while not feeling well? try other meds? please help me guys my thoughts are slowly getting darker since mid 2019. if i can get stable im even ok with staying on a small dose indefininely from whatever med i can tolerate but im too scared. these meds are so bad i regret ever going to a psychiatrist.

 

Here is my story, for what it's worth as I have not been able to get off.

 

I tried twice to taper. Failed twice. On the third try I knew I needed to do something different. I added mirtazapine, I was able to cut my dose in half. Unfortunately I hit a wall, had very bad life stress, and eventually updosed to get stable and completely functional, which has taken about a year into the updose. I am now down in dose just 25 percent from my original but I am doing well. My intense, nearly suicidal depression is gone, I am sleeping well, my nausea is mostly gone, I really am feeling confident about life.

 

I know I cannot cut through symptoms as it just doesn't work ... it gets worse. I really tried to push and got down to about .33 mg of K but I was a complete mess. My son got sick, I needed to be there for him 100 percent, so I did what I had to do.

 

I hope that I can taper at some point in the future. But it will be ridiculously slow and will not allow myself to get into a bad place again.

 

This is just my story. Hopefully others will respond. No one call tell you what to do but for me adding a med and updosing and holding gave me my life back.

NJ, I think you have come a long way, and when you are ready, I am sure you will start to taper again, and if it is slow, so be it, you know what can happen and you chose to go back to benzo dose. I used to feel like I had failed twice also, but I changed those tapes to myself, I did not fail, my Doctor's ridiculous taper plan failed me. I think undue suffering to get off is a horrible way to live, I know this very well. I also know with a slow taper and time, I have been able to walk off and very little wd sx's, I do not consider myself lucky, I just knew what did not work and I knew I had to try one more time...and do it my way. Stay Strong and hold your head high, you made the best decision for you. I hope your Son is feeling better. 💖 Peace and Healing.

 

Begood: Thanks for your kind words. I can't believe how much better I feel today than even just a few months ago. No more nausea, no more feeling suicidal every Sunday, my son is still struggling but I am so much better. Stopped therapy after many years ... I will go back if I need to. You are right that there are many paths forward, and endless suffering is not the path I will choose. I am so happy that you are having minimal symptoms right now; that is awesome.

[[Ol...]]

hello buddies i need some advice. i have been holding and cutting very slowly since around may2019 when my taper seems to have hit a wall again. but it seems i am not improving but getting worse. getting more and more nonfunctional and depressed. i seem to have kindled from 2 failed tapers and also hit tolerance. i think i am screwed. im too scared to do anything. keep holding? updose? try cutting while not feeling well? try other meds? please help me guys my thoughts are slowly getting darker since mid 2019. if i can get stable im even ok with staying on a small dose indefininely from whatever med i can tolerate but im too scared. these meds are so bad i regret ever going to a psychiatrist.

 

Hi Hope,

I too updosed in March 2018 back to 2mg and I stayed there for 1.5 years. I had no idea how long I was going to hold, I just knew I needed to hold indefinitely until I started to feel better, because like you, I had gotten down to 0 and totally crashed. After a year and a half, I finally started to feel normal again. Thankfully!!!!! Once I felt pretty good, I started to taper again, very slowly, and I have not had any major symptoms.. it has been a few months now, the updose and loooooong hold were very worth it to me! I wish you well on this journey, even if it feels like you are stuck in a bind that you can't get out of, you can, and you will. Much love.

 

Hi Olive Kitty,

 

I love to read your posts and you know I'm following your footsteps. I would like to ask you, in your previous taper, when you were cutting, were you very symptomatic while tapering and this made you crash when you got to zero? Or were you doing kind of OK and then got to zero and crashed? I imagine it's the first, but I wanted to ask you. I really don't want to add more mistakes to my approach here. I'm so glad you're doing well this time.

 

Magnolis, I'm happy to read that you're feeling some improvement. 

 

Hi Janice,

I have missed you on LHSG, I hope you are doing alright. Thanks for the note, I am happy to help encourage anyone who's suffering to consider a long hold. When I used to read about them I felt so discouraged bc I was in such a rush to get off the poison, like we all are, but nature had a different path for me. You are correct, it was the first one. I was so miserable tapering, I felt every cut intensely on day 1, and by day 3 of a cut I was basically agoraphobic and just stayed in bed all day watching Netflix. Then 7-10 days later I would cut again, even though I was feeling so bad from all of the previous cuts. Holding for a year and a half helped my body and brain catch up to all of the cuts I had done in the previous 2 years. At that point I was finally truly tapered to 2mg, and was able to start tapering again with relatively no symptoms. I am down to .75 and still feel the same as I felt at 2mg, with no w/d sxs after a cut. Planning on going to .5 after Christmas sometime, I'm holding for about a month each cut so far and doing well.

 

There is no one way to do this and if anyone tells you not to updose or that you are tapering 'too slow', they need to walk a mile in your shoes and see how they feel after that. Sending you all love and strength, and patience to do what is best for yourself.

 

[[Ol...]]

BeGood, Thanks you for the kind words! I am so happy for you that  you are finally free!

 

NJStrength, I remember you from LHSG, I'm so glad your sxs have finally lifted, you deserve it!!

[[va...]]

Olive kitty, thank you for taking the time to share this. I'm so happy you're making it and I hope to follow your footsteps some day. I'll hold for now. You explained it perfectly. I'm sorry I'm not too active on LHSG, I'm a bit busy at the moment.

 

NJ strength I'm so glad you're finally feeling better.

 

Begood I'll read your post to my doctor so he doesn't rush me.

 

This group is great. It talks about the unspoken, and the unspoken was the only way for some of us.

[[Ol...]]

Olive kitty, thank you for taking the time to sharing this. I'm so happy you're making it and I hope to follow your footsteps some day. I'll hold for now. You explained it perfectly. I'm sorry I'm not too active in LHSG, I'm a bit busy at the moment.

 

NJ strength I'm so glad you're finally feeling better.

 

Begood I'll read your post to my doctor so he doesn't rush me.

 

This group is great. It talks about the unspoken, and the unspoken was the only way for some of us.

 

No need to apologize.. LHSG is very active and it's hard to keep up when you have other things going on! I actually took a year break from it bc I got too stressed trying to keep up every day. When I started tapering again I went back to it because it is a wonderful support group, but the great thing about it is you can always pick back up anywhere and feel welcome.

Nighty night everyone..

 

[[be...]]

Olive kitty, thank you for taking the time to sharing this. I'm so happy you're making it and I hope to follow your footsteps some day. I'll hold for now. You explained it perfectly. I'm sorry I'm not too active in LHSG, I'm a bit busy at the moment.

 

NJ strength I'm so glad you're finally feeling better.

 

Begood I'll read your post to my doctor so he doesn't rush me.

 

This group is great. It talks about the unspoken, and the unspoken was the only way for some of us.

I like this group also, because buddies need to know that, we all have choices and we must find what is best for us. Thankfully when I joined BB, I knew how I was going to do my last taper, and it was a blessing for me. I kept busy here at BB and listened to my own drummer....But I also know, that some buddies do not have a good Doctor like mine, that allowed me to do it my way and not make me feel rushed. 🎅 Peace and Healing.

[[Br...]]

Hi everyone,

After holding the last three months on .5 K/day, the sxs got to me.  I've decided to exit the church of eternal suffering so I updosed last night and am now taking .75 K/day.  This is my first updose and just want to feel better for a change.  I increased my dose last night, woke up and nothing magical happened....which is a concern.  Any thoughts ??

[[Ma...]]

Hi everyone,

After holding the last three months on .5 K/day, the sxs got to me.  I've decided to exit the church of eternal suffering so I updosed last night and am now taking .75 K/day.  This is my first updose and just want to feel better for a change.  I increased my dose last night, woke up and nothing magical happened....which is a concern.  Any thoughts ??

 

Breck, for some they feel the updose pretty quickly, for others , it can take awhile.  Like all things benzo's, everyone is different.  Hold on, hopefully you will feel it soon.  .  Mary

[[NJ...]]

Hi everyone,

After holding the last three months on .5 K/day, the sxs got to me.  I've decided to exit the church of eternal suffering so I updosed last night and am now taking .75 K/day.  This is my first updose and just want to feel better for a change.  I increased my dose last night, woke up and nothing magical happened....which is a concern.  Any thoughts ??

 

It can take a while. Give it at least two weeks ... I know that is not what you want to hear! Feel better soon.

[[va...]]

Breck, for me it took TWO MONTHS to feel human (not feeling well at all, just human). There's another factor here. There is supposed to be a window in which an updose can work, after which it would be no use. As usual with many benzo related questions, there is no proven rule on the window issue. Recently a buddie was talking about the window to updose being "even up to" 45 days. I have no idea about windows. I would really like Olive Kitty and Begood to chip in and tell us how they waited until they updosed. I really hope whatever you decide works for you. I know that only the absolutely desperate souls end up in this thread and all my support goes out to you.

[[be...]]

Hi everyone,

After holding the last three months on .5 K/day, the sxs got to me.  I've decided to exit the church of eternal suffering so I updosed last night and am now taking .75 K/day.  This is my first updose and just want to feel better for a change.  I increased my dose last night, woke up and nothing magical happened....which is a concern.  Any thoughts ??

I am not so sure that there is a window for up dosing, it is just a do it, and hopefully it will help. I did find that once I made the decision, I just kept trying to get along with my life. For me it did not take too long before I started feeling better, but more time to stabilize and I did. Honestly anything we do can have risks and not work out, but if we do not try, we will never know. The best advice I can tell anyone, make the best decision for yourself, be patient and keep busy with other things...worrying does not make the time go faster. Since we are all new to tapering and its affects, I say try it and hopefully it will work of you. I know that sounds testy in a way, but since we have no parameters where we know for sure, we have to rely on our best judgement. Best to you going forward. 🎅 Peace and Healing.

[[Br...]]

............ only the absolutely desperate souls end up in this thread ..............

 

Yup.....

 

The final straw was last night.  Driving home on a small country road (which I know well) my mind was overly focused on pins/needles. 40 minutes later I realized I was in the middle of a tiny town ...and... it wasn't my tiny town.  So, that last straw came and decided it was time to updose, although I'm not sure it will help my cognitive abilities.

 

So, those three words...”absolutely desperate souls “.........are accurate and for whatever reason, I actually laughed (cause it's true). Hopefully things will calm sooner than later.  Always some excellent guidance.... you folks are amazing.......

[[va...]]

............ only the absolutely desperate souls end up in this thread ..............

 

Yup.....

 

The final straw was last night.  Driving home on a small country road (which I know well) my mind was overly focused on pins/needles. 40 minutes later I realized I was in the middle of a tiny town ...and... it wasn't my tiny town.  So, that last straw came and decided it was time to updose, although I'm not sure it will help my cognitive abilities.

 

So, those three words...”absolutely desperate souls “.........are accurate and for whatever reason, I actually laughed (cause it's true). Hopefully things will calm sooner than later.  Always some excellent guidance.... you folks are amazing.......

 

Brecks and you're amazing too. Now I remember your posts in Ajusta's thread of our team story. Your posts there are absolutely hilarious and imaginative. I gave up as I'm incapable of writing with no reference to guns, sex or politics. It's too much for me. I'm glad you guys are keeping it up  I updosed in July and I have been holding ever since. I don't know when I'll start tapering again but I will have to feel much stronger than now before I do. Being functional is an absolute necessity for me, and I suppose for most of us in this group.

[[Br...]]

val,  originally that thread was fun, I often laughed at everyone's random, outside the box, funny thoughts.  Anyway,  that thread appears to have ran it's course.  Perhaps one day another will start....laying out the rules prior to posting so the Buzzkill monster doesn't need to swoop in !  Actually I even laughed about that - very creative way of moderating, which I enjoyed.

 

Hope you and everyone else has many more windows than waves. 

[[dd...]]

I think I just need some reassurance...I crashed end of Sept from too large a cut...went back to original dose of .25...nothing weeks later...went up to .35...its been 2 1/2 months and I am still barely functional...I am having such debilitating vertigo sometimes I can barely make it across the room. On top of that Dr did urine test and it showed zero benzo...so she sent if off to another lab that can measure miniscule amounts...still nothing. Do I have bad pills? Do I just need to updose more? I am just absolutely miserable and depressed...

[[Ol...]]

I think I just need some reassurance...I crashed end of Sept from too large a cut...went back to original dose of .25...nothing weeks later...went up to .35...its been 2 1/2 months and I am still barely functional...I am having such debilitating vertigo sometimes I can barely make it across the room. On top of that Dr did urine test and it showed zero benzo...so she sent if off to another lab that can measure miniscule amounts...still nothing. Do I have bad pills? Do I just need to updose more? I am just absolutely miserable and depressed...

 

Wow ddjohn that is strange that it showed zero Benzos.. I don't know anything about those tests so I can't be of any help here. I'm so sorry you are still suffering. I wonder, would your doc prescribe a different brand, just to see if that helped?

 

[[va...]]

ddjohn I'm sorry you're having such severe symptoms. I have no idea about those tests either but you're actually taking your benzo so there's probably some inaccuracy in the test? Have your felt any improvement if you look two and a half months back?