The Klonopin Klub#2

[[Fi...]]

Man, I just don't feel like I'm ever going to get off this stupid drug. I've had to slow down multiple times. We've been out of our house for nearly two months due to repairs that stopped while we battled with insurance. That's been a huge stressor in addition to other things.

 

I've gone from 6.3% / 14 to 6.1% to 5.5% to 5% and now to 4%, hopefully temporarily. I'm down to .262 mg today. It's soooo slow, and I only took it PRN and then daily for less than 4 months before I started tapering. I really think I screwed up and should've tried harder to get off more quickly in the beginning. I don't know...I was already having symptoms. That probably made it impossible to do. I'm just suffering so much now. I think about jumping off all the time now just to get the crap out of my system and start healing. People have definitely CTed and healed faster than some on a slow taper. That's hard to accept.

 

</rant>

 

We all very much understand the tedious part of tapering. After all, its human nature to want to change or get rid of something that causes pain. However, the nature of tapering means that we have to keep taking a medication that makes us feel bad in order to get off of it.

 

I can't tell you what to but can only offer my opinion. Rapid tapering or cold turkey rarely ends up being a good solution. Psychiatic medication is unlike other meds and stopping it will not stop its impact. There are many people, myself included who took to for a shorter period, but still had to take the time to taper. If you do take the time to taper, you will step off in a much smoother way.

 

I also think wanting to jump off is a symptom and one I had to be mindful of all the time.

 

You are doing well. You are almost at .25 and that is an accomplishment. From my perspective, jumping off would undermind all your effort. 

 

You can do this.

 

FH

 

F

[[he...]]

Thanks for the response, Final. I for sure don't want to do something to jeopardize all of this, but I've gotten to a point where it seems like no speed is working, and I'm getting very difficult symptoms no matter what I do. You definitely sped up around this dose or even before, but I believe that's because you started feeling better and were able to do it (we're all so different). I am the opposite. I feel worse. But if I continue going so slowly, I suffer for two more years and perhaps get no more benefit than if I would have gone faster and gotten off the poison. It's just hard to know. Nobody knows how things will pan out. It's all trial and error. We have the conventional (or accepted) wisdom based, but I know at least one person who started going much faster and has done much better. It goes against all reason. Hopefully things will improve for me once we get back in our house.

[[Ho...]]

I am new to the club and looking for support.  I have been on 0.5mg klonopin for one year and never received any info about this drug.  I was in an inpatient program where the doctor took me off of my meds due to dissatisfaction with provider.  He did this taper in one and a half weeks.  I was feeling horrible, so he asked if I wanted to go back on something.  I was desperate so I said yes.  He then put me on klonopin and 15 mg of mirtazapine.  The meds he tapered for me was zoloft, 100mg, mirtrazapine 15mg and inderal.  I had been taken off of busiprone 60mg the two weeks prior by former provider.  I knew within two weeks that the klonopin was not working but my doctor said she thought it was. This is a new outreach doctor after getting out of inpatient but in same group.  Funny thing, one of the first things she said to me was she doesn't like to prescribe benzos to anyone over 60.  However, she insisted it was best for me to stay on the klonopin.  I just found out about interdose withdrawal and tolerance by Benzo Coalition of Boston.  It helped me understand why I felt so sick.  My doctor said she never heard of tolerance which really bothered me.  Either she was lying or just didn't know.  Either way, another example of a doctor thinking nothing of writing a prescription.  I am going into my third month of tapering.  Went way too fast.  I realize now as I have read many people's stories.  I am taking one quarter tablet in morning.  So, my taper from start June 26 to current date is too fast.  I think that may be why I feel so awful.. Anxiety, low mood, no appetite, insomnia, constant worry about the taper.  Just such mental anguish.  I am also worried about my next taper.  When should I, how to cut my tablet by one tenth or any other suggestions.  I think I am going to wait at least one more month for my next taper because of the way I feel now.  My body just shakes all the time and from what I have read, I should wait until I am stable on the present cut.

[[Mi...]]

If you're on a compounding liquid from a pharmacy then it's is much better than any DIY liquid method. May I ask, why did you swap to water?

 

I live in Australia and my brand is Paxam.

 

Checking in, seeing how my buddies are going

So clooose to jumping. 0,085mg. Im excited in your place !  Im proud of ya down under baby 

 

Good luck with the jump. Curious to how it will go.

Hope your experience  can help me prepare mentally for when my time will come.

 

 

Im still paused at the halfway mark. Pain got better, from a 6/10 to 4/10. So about just bareable without waking up, so didnt had to updose.  Noway i was goin to give up my 50% badge. I earned that the hard way. 

 

No idea when ill do part2. Hoping to do a new lyme treatment in germany. As soon as my pain is gone, im tapering ! Can't wait.

[[je...]]

Glad you're still doing good Miya. I hope the new treatment you're considering will help. You've been through a lot.

 

Thanks for the encouragement. I still have a couple of months to go before jumping. Feels like forever in benzo world! 

[[pa...]]

Hi KK,

 

This is my first post here. I wasn't sure whether to go here or in withdrawal support. I'm 3 years in and have got my jump coming up as soon as i level out again. However, with a total lack of positive emotion and feelings i'm right at the bottom of the barrel again. I'm overwhelmed with negativity. My mind wants to be active, but i do not have the energy or cognitive function to do anything stimulating enough. My focus is terrible, which makes the present constantly unbearable. I cannot reach flow states (where you are doing something and time just passes) without alcohol. I've been taking tiny steps forward every day. An absolute shadow of my former self. I've cried every week for 6 years. Been through so much therapy. I have very limited support. I'm 43 and being financially supported by my parents and partner while I put all my energy into starting my business. I do not expect it to be making money for many months and every month is tight.

 

My amazing partner has been with me every step of the way, but sometimes it is just too much for her (understandably). I have one other friend here I can really talk to and my brother and parents are back in the UK. (I'm in Oz). I don't really go out anymore as it causes me too much anxiety and paranoia.  It often ends in disappointment or getting emotionally battered in someway or another. I avoid those places as best I can. So I'm confined to our small apartment and my shared workplace, where I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb. I bought noise cancelling headphones which help, but I have no extra money to use as disposable income to entertain or distract me.

 

I have no space left for empathy. Yet I feel a lot of hurt, for the pain I know others are feeling (due to my state of sadness and total despair at times).

 

It's like I am locked in hell with time stood still.

 

Yesterday I felt like I was levitating, falling, flying, half awake, half asleep. Strange sensations in my brain. Hallucinations as I wake up as my frazzled brain tries to figure out what it is I' looking at. I feel disconnected from everything. Especially society - which I have grown to find repulsive. Mainly or the reason that, for someone, who has always given so much to life in a positive way can undergo so much suffering in return. With more of the very worst to come. I do not even know how I will feel on the other side. My values are well thought out, and as hard as it is, i try to live them day by day. Simple values like honesty, openness, compassion to yourself and others (the latter of which I simply do not have the capacity for at the moment), taking only what you need and giving what you can. And doing your best to be the person you want to be after unearthing a personal lifetime of experience to date.

 

I just keep on getting to breaking point. There simply is no equilibrium. There is no way to balance the equation - and whatever gap I am left with is somehow made up in suffering. It is the cruelest of all conditions and I do not believe there is anything I can do to make it any better than it is. Which makes me feel totally hopeless.

 

The present is now unbearable. I've felt in many times before. So many that I don't remember real life anymore. I've grown so much as a person and am doing what i can to build environments and people around me that are conducive to my integrity and ethics. I plan to use the money I make from my business to create artwork based on my experiences. Artwork that can be used to help others and raise awareness of the reality of life, far beyond the blissfully naive bubble so many people seem to be able to live in. I see society as a hideous creation of humanity. One, into which I know I do not fit the mould - so instead need to find my own painful way to contentment. Unfortunately I cannot compromise when it comes to the truth and honesty, whether the implications are positive or negative. This has caused me a lot of problems over the years. Especially in environments where societal norms are expected. I feel very passionately about it. Unfortunately this too brings me a lot of negativity.

 

I've got to go away at xmas with my partner back to her family in NZ. I'll be feeling like this I expect. I won't have my usual network of familiar environments, activities and people to support me (as limited as it is). My partner will stay for an extra month or so, working from her family home. So I will be missing a lot if I don't come back - and missing a lot (ie her) if I do. We have a very close relationship.

 

I'm scared about who will come out of this long process for me and how I will feel. I've always worn my heart on my sleeve - I couldn't live life any other way - but it has caused me so much pain and suffering that I am concerned it will continue - even after I jump and recover from any protracted withdrawals. I do not feel there is any more I can gain from therapy. I do not feel there is more I can gain by processing thought. But my life is a misery and it crushes my soul daily. I cry because I have nothing left to fight with. I am fighting in the best way I can. But once I've fought to the point that I have nothing left, the negative overwhelm is the worst feeling I have had in my life. And it is often. I try not to cry from self-pity - but I do pity the situation I am in. Instead I try to accept it. But like I said, the overwhelm is just too strong. It's like I'm lost under the waves, not knowing which way is up. Just as I get straight enough to grab a breath another wave comes crashing down. It is relentless and each time I am hanging on by the thinnest of threads. I want to know it will stop and change. But I know there is no guarantee.

 

I worry I am losing my mind frequently and often fear the very worst. I just can't take any more negativity right now. No more disappointment. No more burn out. Yet I must continue to fight to keep on gasping air. To stay alive. My family at home has also become fractured recently. I haven't been back for a 4 years - and I really don't want to go feeling like this. I don't even 'want' to go because I feel no love or warmth inside of me. It is more of a duty as a son. But right now it feels like a bomb waiting to go off. On top of that, I found out this week that there's another wedding coming up around then. All this stuff happening and I am barely getting through the days hour by hour. It's just too much for me to cope with right now. I don't know what to do.

 

Thanks for reading. That was a bit of a big brain dump - but I think it had to come out. I am very grateful there is a place where I can share this with others.

 

Paranoid Android x

[[je...]]

I hope it was therapeutic to get this off your chest paranoid android. I know for me it helps verbalising what I'm going through. And you probably don't realise it, but it helps others as well to know they are not alone and they can relate to what you're feeling. Life can be extremely cruel and benzo withdrawal even more so.

 

I know it feels this journey is forever, but eventually it will end. I'm also sure every single one of us think "I'm the one that will never heal". Then there's a new Success Story that pops up saying that person thought the exact same thing and I'm reminded we just have to wait it out.

 

Your time will come. You too will move on from this. 

 

PS: you'll probable get more replies from Withdrawal Support as the Klonopin Klub is not that active and only visited by those on Clonazepam.

[[he...]]

I'm sorry for what you're going through, paranoid. That all sounds overwhelming, especially in withdrawal.

 

What's going on with the rest of the K taperers? I'm down to .218 mg today. I've recently sped from 5%/14 to 9%/14 as a DMT, because I was dying at 5%. The symptoms are not any worse at 9%. I tried slowing even further, as suggested by some others, and it just wasn't working.

 

I'm still having fogs and floats (sedated feeling in my head) nearly every day, chemical anxiety, and am starting to have pretty bad fatigue every day as well. I still work full-time, so this is really hard. My job feels almost impossible. I want to stay home and nap all day, while the kids are at school. That's another thing, we have two elementary (primary) school kids. The stress is overwhelming. And we were out of our house for 10 weeks this summer living with family and then in a couple places covered by homeowners insurance while we had our flooring replaced after water damage.

 

I walk every day for at least a mile. That helps a lot. I'm still getting a small window in the evenings starting around 9pm, and I often feel okay in the mornings, which is odd, as most people don't have that. I sometimes feel shaky in bed, but then I'm fine until after I dose and a couple more hours pass. That's when my symptoms kick in. I rarely get a window during the main part of the day.

 

Anyone else still tapering K? How are the rest of you doing who have jumped?

[[je...]]

I'm glad your percentage increase has not intensified your symptoms. You really need a break now hereforhelp. It must be very tough with the way your feeling plus work and every else going on. But you're surviving, so you're doing an amazing job!

 

Crossing fingers for more and longer windows for you. 

[[he...]]

Thank you, jb. I do need a break! I need something to get better. I'm thankful my cold intolerance went away over the last few weeks. That gives me some hope that I must be healing in some ways.

[[sl...]]

Hey everyone.  I figured I'd join in here since I'm taking the same garbage.  I'm almost at 1/2 of a .5 mg pill.  I've been at .25 mg for the last 5 years.  I quit alcohol in May, and that's when my problems really started.  I feel the drug does not work at all anymore.  Unfortunately, we have to taper for a better chance of getting off of this.  During the last 23 years I have gotten off a couple times (Probably 5-7 years in total).  I rapid tapered both times in about a month, after trying to cold turkey. It was extremely hard, so this time I'm going a little slower.  I do feel like I can cut a little faster since I haven't had too many symptoms.  Right now it's light sensitivity, some anxiousness, and some lack of sleep.

[[he...]]

Wishing you the best, slk1042. Sounds like it shouldn't take you too much longer to reach a safe jump dose or hit zero. Glad your symptoms are staying minimal.

 

I took K for less than four months total, with half of that being PRN use, and things quickly got real... I've been tapering from .875 mg since last September, and I'm down to .212 mg today. I, unfortunately, cannot taper quickly, even though I wasn't on it for very long. Long enough, though. I suffer from almost-daily fog/sedated feeling, chemical anxiety, dysphoria, rage, crying, intrusive thoughts, GI disturbances, and less-than-adequate sleep.

[[gr...]]

Just wanted to say to everyone tapering. Keep it up. I went cold turkey after many years of 2mg a day and it has been hell. I never realized how addicted I was....after 5 wks of withdrawal I am adjusting slowly.

[[Ja...]]

Hello buddies,

 

I’ve been tapering my klonopin from 3 mg to 2 mg now and I’m dealing with a constant headache,  I drinks plenty of liquids

 

So I don’t know if this is part of the withdrawals and if someone has any suggestions on what I should do? 

 

[[je...]]

I have constant headaches. Nothing seems to work really. I take paracetamol. Not sure if it really helps but I take it.

[[Ja...]]

Thank you jelly baby,  I did take Tylenol which is the same thing and this time it worked.

[[Ra...]]

Hello

Im in my 10th mos of no klonopin after 32 years of taking it. .5 am and .5 pm. The last 10 mos have been the hardest time of my life. I’m just looking for some support. It’s been a really difficult last week. I do have windows where I feel better but after 7 days of hell I always feel as if they will never come back. Then why they show up I am so relieved. I’m just down and tired. Praying to feel better and for this craziness to get better. Seems as though it will never end!!

[[gr...]]

Hi - I'm there with you. I was prescribed Klonopin in 1994 for insomnia. Went off and on for years. This time the withdrawal is the worst ever! But I am going to stay off and all other Benzes too. Sleep here and there. Some nights better then others. Can't stand the crazy thoughts. Read and knit(which I had to retrain myself to do again).

[[Ra...]]

Thanks for responding. Today just feels horribly hard. Nothing I can do. Just keep going. I have windows that I’m ok but after a week I’ve had enough. I’m just laying in bed today. Feel shaky and like it will never end.

[[gr...]]

Was shaky getting up this morning. Even during my worst drinking days I felt better then this!!! Always kept in shape. Now I can barely walk outside. At least the sun is streaming inside and luckily I can listen to music.

[[Ra...]]

How long have you been off klonopin. I do habe better days. But the last few have been really tough. Hard to exist like this.

[[gr...]]

Hi - I have been off Klonopin for 69 days. Hoping that the withdrawal doesn't last too much longer. It's hard.

[[Ra...]]

No worries on the cloudy mind. I get it. I’ve been off klonopin for 9 mos and it’s still difficult. I dint want to make you worry but just what I’m going through. I stayed in klonopin and Effexor in 91 92. Didn’t have any issues till about 7 years ago till I divorced. I went downhill quick. Stopped taking it in Jan 10 this year. It was really difficult the first 6 mos. It has gotten better but is super hard the last few days. It always passes. Congrats on 79 days. !!!  I figured I’d try this board for support. I haven’t till used it till the last few days. It’s been tough.

[[gr...]]

Your share means a lot. I need to hear about getting better. It will not happen overnight

[[he...]]

I'm so sorry you are both still suffering and having tough days. Is anyone still tapering? I just dropped below 0.2 mg K yesterday. I have episodes of fog/float/sedated head, anxiety, dysphoria, anhedonia, and some broken sleep. I have occasional windows during the day, but they're rare. I usually feel better at night after 9:30 or so, and I do okay in the mornings until a few hours after I take my AM dose. I've been tapering down from .875 mg since last September. Been doing a DMT since November 2021.

 

It definitely feels never ending. I can't wait to be off, so at least I don't have to think about pills and tapering anymore and can just focus on healing.