18 - 30 Month Plus Group

[[so...]]

Thanks, JJ.  Baby steps.  How are your symptoms?  I know you are struggling with your own brand of hell too.

 

We will improve one little grain of sand at a time.

 

Sofa

[[dr...]]

Buddies,

 

Nobody on this thread has some undetected illness that is slowly and methodically deteriorating us.  This is withdrawal and recovery from a particularly disgusting drug that temporarily altered our brain connections to keep us running smoothly.  That's all this is.  Regardless if you have muscle tightening, nerve burning, spasms, heart racing and palps, GI problems, dizziness, respiratory issues, anxiety, depression, phobias, FEAR.....it's all part of the healing.  The more we suffer, the more repair is happening.  Yes, this shit takes years to resolve completely.  It's amazing that our brains and bodies can untangle this ungodly mess.  But THEY CAN.  Our bodies were designed to heal us, just like self-cleaning ovens.

 

Sofa

 

You didn't mention tingles.  I'm sure they're deadly

[[dr...]]

Sofa-you got the break to show it all go away.

[[so...]]

Drew,

 

You get me.  You know I'm crying.  I got the break I needed.  You told me I would.  I never believed you. 

 

If the tingles are deadly, I'm in big trouble.

 

Love you,

 

Sofa

[[MT...]]

Sofa,

 

I'm delighted you got a bit of a break. Those tiny respites can be a huge shot in the arm. And you're so right that we all have some symptom (or two) that seems impossible to deal with and worse than other's making recovery look out of reach. I definitely go there with my insomnia, thinking no one has had it this bad for this long and that it's clear evidence I'll never get better. But it's the same dynamic for each of us with our signature symptom. Respite will come for all of us and then recovery.

 

Today was an odd, but good in a way day. I've had some icing on the cake of wd with a cold. This morning I got up after a generous one hour of sleep but after a few hours I felt this incredible calm and serenity. I was able to go to work without anxiety and did a really good job-more like my old self. My brain was more accessible. All the hacking and honking was manageable with being able to think and feel calm. If this is what post wd life looks like (minus the snot) I'm all in. Sign me up.

 

Here's hoping for sleep for all of us, peace and sweet relief.

 

MT

[[Fl...]]

Yay, Sofa.👍♥️♥️

[[wh...]]

Awesome to hear Sofa !

 

I'm still dealing with the burning sensation in my nutsack.  It's seriously f'n annoying. The only thing that helps is antifungal cream.  I don't particularly enjoy rubbing anything down there. I feel so naughty 

 

Yay  ! I think I have jock itch or could it be ... lyme disease ?  Sorry, Irish ... I kid ! I kid !

 

Now, I have a new symptom ... I feel hot one minute, cold the next and sweating. WTF ! I don't sweat !!!

The worst is when I do sweat, I smell, but not a good manly smell  It's a disgusting, cat litter box, kind of smell... mmm...delicious !

 

I'm off to do a little rubbing and maybe listen to ... I touch myself. 

Hey ! Don't judge me! Every little bit helps.

 

[[pr...]]

I'm still dealing with the burning sensation in my nutsack.  It's seriously f'n annoying. The only thing that helps is antifungal cream.  I don't particularly enjoy rubbing anything down there. I feel so naughty 

 

Yay  ! I think I have jock itch or could it be ... lyme disease ?  Sorry, Irish ... I kid ! I kid !

 

Now, I have a new symptom ... I feel hot one minute, cold the next and sweating. WTF ! I don't sweat !!!

The worst is when I do sweat, I smell, but not a good manly smell  It's a disgusting, cat litter box, kind of smell... mmm...delicious !

 

I'm off to do a little rubbing and maybe listen to ... I touch myself. 

Hey ! Don't judge me! Every little bit helps.

 

 

 

 

thanks for giving me some giggles whereAmI!

 

i actually have the burning sensation in my private area a lot too. maybe put a little ice pack over the antifungal cream? it will settle down at some point but it is truly irritating. sometimes i have a horrid neurological sensation of a hot pole up there and that's not the kind of pole i want to have in there, no what i mean? -

[[ne...]]

Buddies,

 

It finally happened.  After 28 months and one week, I woke up at 5:30am with the normal cortisol raging at a low simmer.  It was still there in the background a little, but it was NOTHING like it had been for 28 months and one week.

 

Unbelievable.  I'm still in shock and it's 2pm.  I fully expect the possibility that it may return, but this was the one morning I've been praying for.

 

Sofa

 

 

Woop...woop....and another BIG woop !! xx

[[St...]]

This gave me a huge shot of HOPE, really pleased for you Sofa, hopefully I'm next to catch a break

 

Buddies,

 

It finally happened.  After 28 months and one week, I woke up at 5:30am with the normal cortisol raging at a low simmer.  It was still there in the background a little, but it was NOTHING like it had been for 28 months and one week.

 

Unbelievable.  I'm still in shock and it's 2pm.  I fully expect the possibility that it may return, but this was the one morning I've been praying for.

 

Sofa

[[...]]

Slept a bit better, still exhausted. Head pressure galore, I can't bear it. So done with this and need a break has been wall to wall recently, even evenings. Surely it must mean something. Depression is crushing right now, trying to accept it.

 

Can't wait for the day I can post something positive.

[[Sa...]]

Sofa,

 

Up, up and awaaaaaay

[[Mi...]]

Sofa Dear so very very happy for you!  See we promised you it would ease up....  Hopefully you had another beautiful morning!

 

Something is definitely going on with me I am on day 17 with this wave... 

I pray for some good healing after this one OMG....  I am just getting my ass kicked with everything....

The anxiety...  Woke up with this chemical feeling running through my veins...

I have the chest heaviness, hand tremors, dizziness, my face is on fire and turning out of the red hue and into the purple.... belching, bloating/ I look like I am about to give birth no lie...  In my hubby's sweats.  I am feeling higher than a kite...  And cant forget the brain zaps....  The anxiety is wearing on me big time. And I am sweating through my shirt...  I have those inner vibrations where it feels like I am seizing on the inside...

Did Imention the anxiety and over all acheness...

3 years 1 month and 15 days... :'(  And I feel like death....

I am trying so hard to believe in this process and not let the fear consume me but its getting awefully hard these days...

I am trying my very best to breathe through it and not let it swallow me whole.  I think I maybe on the verge of a complete nervous breakdown....

 

I am trying to accept that this is indeed withdrawl and I usually can but today I am just getting my ass kicked....

And the intrusive thoughts are back with a vengeance as well as that little thing called life review..  You guys get this?

Where every crappy thing you have ever done just haunts you....  Omg this is insane.......

 

[[...]]

Gosh Sofa, sorry I forgot to say I'm so pleased you had a better morning, you so deserve something.

 

Jen, I'm holding your hand, I know exactly how you feel, relate to it all. We've survived so far, we can do the rest. i must admit I'm at breaking point, day after day, even my evenings have been shit. Drove home crying again last night and went to be with that rigor mortis. I guess we are all going through the same but sort of different versions. Just think how strong we'll be, said in a please God way.

 

[[Si...]]

That's great news sofa, so glad you finally got some respite.

 

whereamI69 and Pretty, I have A LOT of burning everywhere now. Mostly in my back. But the other big fun one is my prostate. WTF?

 

marj and Miss Jenn, This is definitely one of the most screwed up shit shows ever invented. Somehow we must march on. Yesterday was an off the charts bad one for me. I could barely concentrate at work I was in so much pain. Got home and just sat on the sofa as still as possible to try and not "aggravate" it. Luckily went to bed at 11pm and fell right asleep. Woke up at 1:30am with a churning stomach. Took a Hydroxyzine and went back to bed. Next thing I know I'm actually having to wake my wife up at a little after 6am. Not only did she sleep through her alarm, but so did I! So I feel a little better today after having a decent sleep.

 

MT, I'm glad you had a smoother day. You totally deserve it with the insomnia hell that you go through.

[[Mi...]]

Marj,

 

So sorry Hun. I know you have been getting hit hard as well....

I just cant wrap my head around this and I guess that's OK as its not something anyone really can I guess...

I truly thought last month I was on my way out of this...  Not out at the time but getting there...

 

I guess all I can do now is just pray that after this wave comes alot of healing...  Which in my case usually seems to be the case...  I am back to the point of panic attacks leaving the house etc...  Feeling uncomfortable in my own skin...  Idk.

I had just got to the point I could run errands in town just fine... Grocery shopping wasn't a complete horror show.  I even took a couple jobs subbing...  Not without difficulty but I did it...  Yesterday I ran out of bottled water and ran up 5 blks to the nearest market to get a bottle of water  and had huge panic attack  driving...  Its just insane...  I also was doing very well at home solo during the day and now feel overwhelmed and scared with all of these symptoms flaring back up...  I just don't even know what to say anymore...  This is crazy...  I know I have heard of many having one last punch of a wave I just hope that's what is going on because this is getting unbearable....

[[Mi...]]

WOW Siggy,  So glade you got some sleep...  I couldn't even imagine the hell of not sleeping through out this!

We really all do have our own big sx we are dealing with...  It really amazes me how alike and how very different our sx actually are...  Just crazy.

 

 

[[MT...]]

Siggy,

 

That's fantastic that you got some good sleep. I'm hoping you've turned a corner!

 

MT

[[...]]

MT,

 

Hope you had another easier day at work. One day this won't be so hard and we'll recognise the strength it took. It's so weird as yesterday I could hardly breathe with anxiety and today not so much anxiety but the head and neck pressure is just as bad. It's like something eases off and something else slots on it's place. Can you communicate with people at work? I made conversation with someone in the kitchen and after a few seconds I wanted to run away and then it's  so scary that you feel like that. I've always been a chatterbox before this.

 

[[Si...]]

Thanks Miss and MT,

 

You'll make it back out of this Miss Jen. We all know how much the waves suck when we get punched. But I think since you were doing pretty well before this, that you may be getting close to getting over that hump. We'll just have to take it day by day until it sorts itself out. I hate as much as the rest of you, but the only way out is through. I feel like I'm on the verge of a meltdown every minute of the day.

[[Fl...]]

How are you today, Sofa?  Haven't heard from you.  Still sleeping?  Hope your morning was good again.👍

[[Mi...]]

Thanks Siggy,

 

The Only Way Out Is THROUGH!

Love that...  Wise Nova always told me that...  Thanks so much for the reminder...

I have been battling through out this wave...  I guess my biggest fear is that going through this mental torture I have some how ended up with a panic disorder or something...  This being stuck to my town unable to really work outside of the home has been with me since day one of cold turkey...

I know I was not like this at all before the benzos but this anxiety has been with me the entire way through this journey...  Its been at different levels of course through out but always there in some form... 

I guess that is my biggest fear....  That this will all be over and I will still not be whole...  Or that it is over and now I am just experiencing some kind of PTSD or something Idk....  Can anyone else relate to this at all?  I mean this anxiety is just so far and beyond what I ever imagined possible....

 

Sofa, how was your morning?  I sure hope you are having a beautiful relaxing day and that's why you are not on line

[[so...]]

Whereami,

 

OMG!  I am peeing with laughter.  Would you mind waiting until withdrawal is over so I stop giggle streaming.  Time to change the sheets...again.

 

Sofa

[[dr...]]

I'm doing my thing here....having my witching hours where my body goes wonkers.  I had a client meeting at a restaurant today(tow big triggers are client meetings and having to sit in the same place like a restaurant)  I was actually doing really well until I started sweating profusely as my stress response triggered(not panicky so not calling it a panic attack).  I mentioned that my dish was really spicy

 

I am back to it being mostly crappy but manageable.  I did have a few hours of feeling good today and I had it this weekend when my symptoms were low.  This is new for me.  It has always been less symptomatic days and just managing through them.  This actually feeling good is shocking.  I will call it my sunbreaks.  Hope they continue to show. 

[[so...]]

Buddies,

 

The softer landing in the early morning held.  It was like yesterday morning.  Dear God, THANK YOU!

 

Sofa