Need supportive words...

[[te...]]

Hoping things sort themselves out for you soon. I can imagine how frustrating it is for both you and aloha to be dealing with this after coming so far!! But maybe it's just a blip in the radar, one step back and then 10 steps forward again. I'll try not to be too annoying and positive, I know how awful this whole thing can be!! The bodies do weird things and sometimes we never know how things can affect us. At the end of the day it sure makes us grateful for health and vitality and makes us want to make the best choices for us. How are you guys doing?

[[mu...]]

Yea if I get drunk on hard alcohol I am screwed for a good solid week after with very rough sleep.

 

I am staying away myself from over indulgence but I can and do have a beer from time to time with no noticeable side effects.

 

Wishing you feel better soon Siggy.  You know you can sleep good and you know you will get that back soon!

[[Si...]]

Thanks Murph and teal! Both of you are really awesome people.

 

Agreed, it's just hard to face the fact I did it to myself. I've got a lot to do at work after two weeks off. We're about to have a big snow storm here Friday / Saturday. I have to meet with a new sales rep on Friday to orient him to how our company works. It's normally something my boss would do, but he has to be out of town that day. I'm not worried about the actual meeting, but I do worry about well rested for it.

 

I fell asleep as soon as I got in bed on Tuesday night and also about 8 hours. Then last night was just really jacked up. Some nights I can lay their peacefully, but last night I was really agitated. My wife says must nights I actually fall asleep shortly after getting into bed, but that I wake up 10 minutes later. Of course I have no memory of this. Any ideas why I can't stay asleep on these nights? Hopefullly this will sort out really soon.

[[mu...]]

You'll do and feel fine at your orientation meeting. It's amazing how much we can do on such little sleep at times.

 

In regards to sleep and waking up,  man I have no clue.  I am in a pattern of quick sleep but then always wake up around 3-4am.  I then get light REM sleep I just deal with it.  At least it's sleep at this point.

 

Anyways all it will take is some time you'll be good bud!

[[Si...]]

Thanks Murphy for the encouragement. I don't have a choice but to plow forward. Sorry you have early wakeups. I'm sure eventually they will lengthen. My biggest problem is falling asleep. Usually if I fall in to deep sleep, I can easily fall back asleep if I wake up. The big problem is falling asleep at all.

[[al...]]

I didn't drink or do anything different but after 20 months off I am starting to return to the sleep (or lack of) patterns of my early protracted withdrawal days. I am now taking several hours to fall asleep and when it happens it is only short and light REM sleep. Sleep deepens as the night wears on but then my alarm goes off for work. I can make up sleep on weekends but week days are starting to be a problem again. The ring in my ears has also returned due to lack of sleep. I am beginning to picture everyone on this forum recovering and moving on while I continue to remain with all the new victims of benzos and z-drugs.

[[Si...]]

I didn't drink or do anything different but after 20 months off I am starting to return to the sleep (or lack of) patterns of my early protracted withdrawal days. I am now taking several hours to fall asleep and when it happens it is only short and light REM sleep. Sleep deepens as the night wears on but then my alarm goes off for work. I can make up sleep on weekends but week days are starting to be a problem again. The ring in my ears has also returned due to lack of sleep. I am beginning to picture everyone on this forum recovering and moving on while I continue to remain with all the new victims of benzos and z-drugs.

 

Hi aloha, yeah it sucks to get pulled back into this crap. At least with yours you know you didn't cause it by some external element. I'm sure it's most likely just a far out wave for you. For me, I have no idea how bad I set myself back by drinking. Pretty stupid no matter how you look at it from my part. The tinnitus and burning is back for me too. Hope it clears up for you soon. 

[[mu...]]

Sorry you guys are having a hard time.

 

I think lots of us after a while just live with this sleep pattern and deal with it.  I don't post much on here because I just dont want to let my lack of sleep have any control over me or as little as possible.

 

I am still stuck on 5mg ambien, some nights 7.5mg and 25mg seroquel.  I average 6 hours of sleep a night.  Some nights 5 and some nights 7 wish I could jump off this shit and be strong like you guys were but everytime I try a no drug night I just lie awake all night......

 

I cant deal with that anymore so I just take the pill and get the sleep I get.

 

 

[[Si...]]

Sorry you guys are having a hard time.

 

I think lots of us after a while just live with this sleep pattern and deal with it.  I don't post much on here because I just dont want to let my lack of sleep have any control over me or as little as possible.

 

I am still stuck on 5mg ambien, some nights 7.5mg and 25mg seroquel.  I average 6 hours of sleep a night.  Some nights 5 and some nights 7 wish I could jump off this shit and be strong like you guys were but everytime I try a no drug night I just lie awake all night......

 

I cant deal with that anymore so I just take the pill and get the sleep I get.

 

I don't blame you one bit murph. There's no other way to say it, but insomnia sucks! I can handle most of the other withdrawal symptoms ok. It's the no sleep that just totally sets me off. You'll jump off when you feel like you're ready to.

[[MT...]]

I didn't drink or do anything different but after 20 months off I am starting to return to the sleep (or lack of) patterns of my early protracted withdrawal days. I am now taking several hours to fall asleep and when it happens it is only short and light REM sleep. Sleep deepens as the night wears on but then my alarm goes off for work. I can make up sleep on weekends but week days are starting to be a problem again. The ring in my ears has also returned due to lack of sleep. I am beginning to picture everyone on this forum recovering and moving on while I continue to remain with all the new victims of benzos and z-drugs.

 

Aloha, I get stuck in this pattern of thinking often-that everyone is getting better and will get better while I stay the same. It's scary and discouraging. I try to observe it and see it as just a thought (not a fact). ACT uses this phrase, "I'm having the thought (or feeling) of (like, 'I'll never get better'). You can add even more distance distance by adding, "I notice I'm having the thought..." Insomnia whacks our thinking on top of the wd.

[[te...]]

I didn't drink or do anything different but after 20 months off I am starting to return to the sleep (or lack of) patterns of my early protracted withdrawal days. I am now taking several hours to fall asleep and when it happens it is only short and light REM sleep. Sleep deepens as the night wears on but then my alarm goes off for work. I can make up sleep on weekends but week days are starting to be a problem again. The ring in my ears has also returned due to lack of sleep. I am beginning to picture everyone on this forum recovering and moving on while I continue to remain with all the new victims of benzos and z-drugs.

 

Aloha, I get stuck in this pattern of thinking often-that everyone is getting better and will get better while I stay the same. It's scary and discouraging. I try to observe it and see it as just a thought (not a fact). ACT uses this phrase, "I'm having the thought (or feeling) of (like, 'I'll never get better'). You can add even more distance distance by adding, "I notice I'm having the thought..." Insomnia whacks our thinking on top of the wd.

 

 

Totally! This is cognitive defusion and it helps a lot. Takes practice but gives us perspective. I need to do this more often myself...

[[bl...]]

I've recently had a downturn in sleep quality and quantity, which has led me to do some serious soul searching. What am I doing wrong?

 

The one thing that has been consistent throughout is my morning malaise. It is almost invariably the worst time of the day. I wake up foggy and depressed, often with anxiety and intrusive circular thinking. This led me to do some research on that and I discovered that this may be (probably is) a diurnal variation mood disorder (DV), which is highly characteristic of major depression.

 

DV is caused by a disruption in the body's natural circadian rhythms as such, where a "normal" person feels energetic and awake early in the day and gradually winds down in the evening, I experience the opposite. I feel like crap in the morning and gradually find myself as the day wears on, until by the evening hours, I'm 100%. I once thought this was great, but now I find it annoying, I want to go to sleep at night, not wake up!

 

So, what am I to do? Apparently, the best thing for this is to reset one's body clock by getting up earlier and exposing yourself to bright light, exercising, eating right, and of course, eliminating exposure to light a couple hours before bed. I may have to suck it up and actually take an AD for a while until I can get my body clock operating correctly again, but for now, I'm trying to get outside shortly after waking up and exposing myself to sunlight, as in allowing it to enter my eyes and stimulate my brain so that I produce enough L-Tryptophan that it can be converted to melatonin.

 

I will say this, on those days when I do get out in the sun for a few hours, I find myself more relaxed and prone to fall asleep easier at night, so there's probably a lot to this.

 

My greatest issue right now isn't so much sleeping, as I do sleep, eventually, it's going to sleep. I feel tired, but not sleepy. My brain doesn't want to turn off, so I'm fairly intent on doing all I can to fix my sleep pattern. Granted, this doesn't necessarily make it easier to get out of bed in the morning, but it does make it clearer what I need to do once I do rise. I'm going to also try getting up even earlier. I'm not a morning person, but it's clear that's just my ego talking. Given how badly I feel after waking, I want to do all I can to give myself as many quality hours during the day as possible.

[[mu...]]

 

 

I don't blame you one bit murph. There's no other way to say it, but insomnia sucks! I can handle most of the other withdrawal symptoms ok. It's the no sleep that just totally sets me off. You'll jump off when you feel like you're ready to.

 

Yea I dont get hard on myself anymore.  I just would rather sleep some and feel mostly happy through out my day rather than suffering at night.  My nights are no where near perfect by any means but I can deal with what I am being given and I have no other side effects other than sleep.

 

When I was first cutting off the Xanax and Lex man I was a mess!!  Some really low low points in my life which when I look back scare me that I even felt that way or thought that way.  Would rather not risk that again at this time in my life so I take as small as a dose as I can, I respect the drug and no to never chase sleep with adding more to it like I did before by uping the dose on my own.

 

I will stick here for a bit and see how it goes.  Luckily I dont have any of the sleep anxiety I used to have so even when I get some crappy nights my mind doesnt go bat shit crazy anymore.  I just shrug it off and continue with me day.  Might be a little grouchy but nothing that bad.

 

Hows your sleep?  Feeling any better?

[[Si...]]

Yeah, I'm just having a hard time coping now because I thought I was done with all this.

 

Here's the recorded pattern since my major screw up. Some of the earlier ones are just guesses until I started recording it more accurately. It's basically been a month, so I don't know if I'm giving myself enough time for what would be a normal recovery period after doing something dumb like I did?

 

December 2016

Sunday 18th - 0

Monday 19th - Yes

Tuesday 20th - 0

Wednesday 21st - Yes

Thursday 22nd - 0

Friday 23rd - Yes (drive to mom's)

Saturday 24th - 0

 

Sunday 25th - Yes

Monday 26th - 4-5

Tuesday 27th - 6

Wednesday 28th - 5

Thursday 29th - 6-7

Friday 30th - 5 (drive to dad's)

Saturday 31st - 6

 

January 2017

Sunday 1st - 4-5 (Broken)

Monday 2nd - 7-8 (drive home)

Tuesday 3rd - 0

Wednesday 4th         - 5-6

Thursday 5th - 0

Friday 6th - 5-6

Saturday 7th - 4-5

 

Sunday 8th - 5.5

Monday 9th - .5 - 2

Tuesday 10th - 7.5

Wednesday 11th - 3.5 (Light / Broken)

Thursday 12th - 5.5

Friday 13th - 4.25

Saturday 14th              - 5-6

Sunday 15th - 5-6

[[mu...]]

looks a bit rough but at least it is smoothing out and getting better than worse from what I see.

 

I never ever recorded my sleep until recently just for shits and giggles....  I only have 12 days recorded.

 

Wed 7 hours

Thurs 7 hours

Fri 7.5 hours

Sat 6.5 hours

Sun 5hours

Mon 5.5 hours

Tues 6.5 hours

Wed 5.5 hours

Thurs 6 hours

Fri 5.5 hours

Sat 6.5 hours

Sun 6 hours

 

Now I am recording hours but each nights sleep is different some is 6 hours solid while others is 7 hours with multiple awakenings.  Hard to recall it all every morning but figured I would record as much as I recall just to see if I can map any issues out.  I always seem to wake up around 4 am and then it is either I get some more light hours of sleep or I just lie there relaxing.......

[[Si...]]

Yeah same here, I'm mostly guesstimating when I put these totals down. I seem to wake up at 4 or 4:30 a lot too. I think that's when the body starts releasing cortisol. Typically that's when I start to feel the crappiest if I can't sleep. It's interesting to go back and look at the records. It's the only thing I feel like gives me some simblance of control over his garbage. I have a fitbit too, which helps, but it just records when you aren't moving. I hope I'm starting to make some progress past this. My head constantly feels like it's been hit with a shovel.

[[mu...]]

You're doing better bud,  don't beat yourself up too much.  You live you learn.  Not sure if we will ever be cured so to speak but I think we learn to cope with these issues and do manage a lot better that's for sure.

 

Wishing us all some good shut eye tonight

[[al...]]

I kept a detailed sleep log way back in the beginning but stopped when I could not detect any usable pattern. It was all so random. I also began to suspect that keeping a sleep log might have been causing me to focus a bit too heavily on my sleep problem. Not thinking about it doesn't make it go away, but thinking about it too much can perhaps make it worse.

 

This new wave or whatever it is makes me realize that the withdrawal effects can take a lot longer to recover from than I would have ever believed. It sometimes gets a little hard to shut up the little voice in my head that asks if this is going to be my new permanent reality.

[[al...]]

I've recently had a downturn in sleep quality and quantity, which has led me to do some serious soul searching. What am I doing wrong?

 

The one thing that has been consistent throughout is my morning malaise. It is almost invariably the worst time of the day. I wake up foggy and depressed, often with anxiety and intrusive circular thinking. This led me to do some research on that and I discovered that this may be (probably is) a diurnal variation mood disorder (DV), which is highly characteristic of major depression.

 

DV is caused by a disruption in the body's natural circadian rhythms as such, where a "normal" person feels energetic and awake early in the day and gradually winds down in the evening, I experience the opposite. I feel like crap in the morning and gradually find myself as the day wears on, until by the evening hours, I'm 100%. I once thought this was great, but now I find it annoying, I want to go to sleep at night, not wake up!

 

So, what am I to do? Apparently, the best thing for this is to reset one's body clock by getting up earlier and exposing yourself to bright light, exercising, eating right, and of course, eliminating exposure to light a couple hours before bed. I may have to suck it up and actually take an AD for a while until I can get my body clock operating correctly again, but for now, I'm trying to get outside shortly after waking up and exposing myself to sunlight, as in allowing it to enter my eyes and stimulate my brain so that I produce enough L-Tryptophan that it can be converted to melatonin.

 

I will say this, on those days when I do get out in the sun for a few hours, I find myself more relaxed and prone to fall asleep easier at night, so there's probably a lot to this.

 

My greatest issue right now isn't so much sleeping, as I do sleep, eventually, it's going to sleep. I feel tired, but not sleepy. My brain doesn't want to turn off, so I'm fairly intent on doing all I can to fix my sleep pattern. Granted, this doesn't necessarily make it easier to get out of bed in the morning, but it does make it clearer what I need to do once I do rise. I'm going to also try getting up even earlier. I'm not a morning person, but it's clear that's just my ego talking. Given how badly I feel after waking, I want to do all I can to give myself as many quality hours during the day as possible.

 

Hi Blandthrax,

I always liked the morning  and sort of enjoyed getting up at 6am this morning even though I didn't start getting any real sleep until sometime after 3:00 am. While in this cycle I have to attempt to sleep in on weekends or run into problems from too little sleep during the weekday nights. I wish that I could fall asleep earlier so that I could wake up earlier with greater ease.

 

I've heard the theory about the effects of morning sunlight on night time sleeping, but having developed an extreme sensitivity to UV a few years ago, I don't go out seeking the sun much because covering up is a hassle. My sleep was more or less okay until a couple of years ago when I started getting into a problem with Ambien.

[[mu...]]

I kept a detailed sleep log way back in the beginning but stopped when I could not detect any usable pattern. It was all so random. I also began to suspect that keeping a sleep log might have been causing me to focus a bit too heavily on my sleep problem. Not thinking about it doesn't make it go away, but thinking about it too much can perhaps make it worse.

 

This new wave or whatever it is makes me realize that the withdrawal effects can take a lot longer to recover from than I would have ever believed. It sometimes gets a little hard to shut up the little voice in my head that asks if this is going to be my new permanent reality.

 

Hey Aloha!

 

Yea totally hear you on giving sleep or lack of it too much power and time on your mind.  It can really cause tons of issues.    I used to stress and worry about my sleep all day everyday when in the thick of things.  Now I'm just keeping a little log to see how much I really sleep,  or think I sleep.  I give it no power over me now other than a reflection on time.

 

I agree whole heartedly not the best to keep track of time spent in bed if it pre occupies too much of your time.

 

How are you doing?  I know you had a wave recently are things smoothing out at all?

[[al...]]

Hi Murph,

I have been in a wave for the past few months with some good and half-way normal nights sprinkled in from time to time. A painful injury, the holidays and a trip to Chicago staying in less than comfortable basement bedrooms sort of messed me up a bit I guessed. At first I was falling asleep right away, but then waking up after 2 or three hours and having a hard time dropping off again. Now my old pattern of not falling asleep for up to 4 hours and then having broken REM sleep has returned. It is weird how things got so good for a long time and then the clock ran backward back to the near beginning. I'm hoping that the next window is a real good one.

[[mu...]]

For sure Aloha,  you'll be sleeping good again Iknow it.  Your body and mind is obviously capable of it so it will come again.  Just sucks going through this crappy period for sure man. 

[[al...]]

For sure Aloha,  you'll be sleeping good again Iknow it.  Your body and mind is obviously capable of it so it will come again.  Just sucks going through this crappy period for sure man.

 

Thanks Murph!

My sleep has been so dysfunctional lately. There is no rhyme or reason to it. After many nights of taking hours to fall asleep, last night I was able to fall asleep right away, but woke up so many times that I was able to notice every single hour pass on my watch. Just kept falling right back to sleep, dream and then wake up again. Something is broken in my head and I hope that it fixes itself soon.

[[mu...]]

I hear you on that!

 

I went to bed 11pm woke up 4am again and then one of my smoke detectors was beeping because it had a low back up 9v battery.  I could not stop focusing on the beep.  Got out of bed unhooked it and everything but after that i couldn't fall back asleep just laid in bed waiting for the morning to start......

[Guest [Th...]]

Yeah, I'm just having a hard time coping now because I thought I was done with all this.

 

Here's the recorded pattern since my major screw up. Some of the earlier ones are just guesses until I started recording it more accurately. It's basically been a month, so I don't know if I'm giving myself enough time for what would be a normal recovery period after doing something dumb like I did?

 

December 2016

Sunday 18th - 0

Monday 19th - Yes

Tuesday 20th - 0

Wednesday 21st - Yes

Thursday 22nd - 0

Friday 23rd - Yes (drive to mom's)

Saturday 24th - 0

 

Sunday 25th - Yes

Monday 26th - 4-5

Tuesday 27th - 6

Wednesday 28th - 5

Thursday 29th - 6-7

Friday 30th - 5 (drive to dad's)

Saturday 31st - 6

 

January 2017

Sunday 1st - 4-5 (Broken)

Monday 2nd - 7-8 (drive home)

Tuesday 3rd - 0

Wednesday 4th         - 5-6

Thursday 5th - 0

Friday 6th - 5-6

Saturday 7th - 4-5

 

Sunday 8th - 5.5

Monday 9th - .5 - 2

Tuesday 10th - 7.5

Wednesday 11th - 3.5 (Light / Broken)

Thursday 12th - 5.5

Friday 13th - 4.25

Saturday 14th              - 5-6

Sunday 15th - 5-6

 

Siggy,

 

You have 10 days in a row with some sleep.  I have never gotten more than 3 days in a row with some sleep and your sleep is way better than mine.  I think 10 days is sort of the "magic" number and you'll continue with longer and longer sleep day after day.  Good for you.