Need supportive words...

[[te...]]

Thanks for responding to my rant everyone. I just needed to get it off my chest with people who understand. This wave actually started almost a couple of months ago and just reached a peak a couple of nights ago. Being in a different house on a different bed with a different time scheduled just seems to be too much. Being back to square one is a bit depressing, but I am somehow able to still do all our planned vacation activities and am having fun (during the day). Like the old days, I am now sort of dreading bedtime again. I am hoping that the inevitable widow that will follow will be a real good and long lasting one. I guess that is the way that this healing takes place.

 

I LOVE that you continue to have such a positive outlook and attitude about the whole thing. This really serves to help everyone else who reads your story - and I imagine, it helps you more than you may always realize. The having fun during the day when on vacation is what counts most, I think. Thank you for continuing to share your experiences and the flexibility with which you respond to what happens to you, and how you just take it one day at a time. I think I'm having a little wave myself, I'm also on vacation!

[[te...]]

After reading everyone's stuff yesterday, I don't know what happened but I had a pretty crappy night myself last night - though compared to the really bad nights (in perspective) it wasn't THAT bad.

 

I passed out on my parents' couch while everyone was playing a game/watching TV, and slept for somewhere between 2.5-4 hours with a few wake ups but pretty deep. Woke up at 1am and decided to go upstairs to the guest room where my husband was, and the room was TOO hot and I was too uncomfortable. Tried taking a trader joe's melatonin (haha yeah that was a joke).  I went back downstairs and back upstairs several times, listened to some ASMR videos, and didn't sleep. Went back upstairs and laid down with my husband and just "rested my eyes" and at some point I fell asleep for another hour and had some pretty weird dreams.

 

The main difference (which is really big progress) is how calm I stayed the whole time, and I actually WANTED to stay in bed or on the sofa because it felt comfortable and my body felt heavy. I didn't really mind that it felt like my brain wasn't shutting down... and I didn't feel restless. I reminded myself this could be a wave, and that I'm not alone, and I've gotten through this before and I will again.

 

I have learned so much from all of you, I thank you so much for sharing your stories. Especially you, Aloha!!

[[al...]]

I actually got about 9 hours of fairly normal sleep last night! I guess that just helps prove my point that our situation is not hopeless. After an initial period where sleep is always horrible, there is a prolonged period of ups and downs that keep you guessing. At least I did not have to go out and sit in the freezing cold in my underwear last night.

[[wa...]]

Great, ALoha --  I'm curious - do you feel restored from sleep?  I still feel really sick when I wake up, especially if I get more than 6 hours.  WBB

[[bl...]]

I slept like total crap last nigh. It's been like that for the past two nights. I woke up yesterday to a tirade from my boss who basically told me if I don't sort myself out, I'm out of a job. This pretty much set the tone for my entire day and led into the night. I'm walking dead today and so deep in a wave that it feels like acute all over again. I'll live, I'll function, but man, am I sick of feeling like half a person.

[[al...]]

Great, ALoha --  I'm curious - do you feel restored from sleep?  I still feel really sick when I wake up, especially if I get more than 6 hours.  WBB

 

Yes, when I do sleep I feel much better than when I don't. Getting up in the morning is the same regardless of how I sleep, but my energy level during the day is much better after a good night.

[[al...]]

I slept like total crap last nigh. It's been like that for the past two nights. I woke up yesterday to a tirade from my boss who basically told me if I don't sort myself out, I'm out of a job. This pretty much set the tone for my entire day and led into the night. I'm walking dead today and so deep in a wave that it feels like acute all over again. I'll live, I'll function, but man, am I sick of feeling like half a person.

 

Blandthrax,

Waves are followed by windows so one is heading your way.

[[Si...]]

I'm still having this crap insomnia. I have gotten some sleep every night for 7 nights. Some nights it's really broken. It's better than the every other night thing though. Sometimes I can't tell if I've been asleep or not. It takes a long time to fall asleep too. I still can't believe I screwed myself up like this again. I seriously hope I can turn a corner soon.

[[al...]]

Siggy,

I know what you mean. While on my trip to Chicago I am sleeping in strange beds in different homes, keeping strange schedules and dealing with widely fluctuating bedroom temps so my sleep has been less than ideal. I have been spending hours waiting to fall asleep and often have no idea if I actually fell asleep or not. It can get pretty confusing, but at least the fun of the trip is balancing out the sleep problems. We will both get it together sooner or later.

[[mu...]]

Sorry to hear we still are struggling.

 

The only thing I like about most hotels are the soft beds and black out curtains.  At my house as soon as the light is up I'm usually up since the room gets brighter.  Hmm maybe I should get some kind of black out shades.....

 

Well it's 2017 and things can only get better,  hopefully

[[te...]]

You guys are reading my mind.

 

Aloha, I totally echo your sentiments. We've been on the east coast for 2 weeks, leaving today to go stay with a different friend. Since we started our journey, we've slept in 1 hotel, my family's home, and 2 other homes of friends. Three different beds and an air mattress. and, I totally feel you on the temperature thing!! The room we've slept in at my family's home gets so hot sometimes, it's impossible. My husband has been up with me at weird hours, and on Christmas eve night he was pretty much awake all night and we both got up at 3am and started eating cookies, haha. Him being awake with me has been a gift, though. other nights he would sleep fine (like new year's eve night) and I would lay there doing my usual thing.

 

Siggy, me too. When I've been falling asleep, i'll ask whoever is around (usually my husband) "was I sleeping?" sometimes he thinks I'm asleep and I'm sure I'm not, other times he doesn't know and I feel like I was. Last night I did the wake up every hour thing again. That hasn't happened in awhile. I was afraid I wouldn't sleep because the night before I got like 12 broken hours- which was after barely sleeping new year's eve. My mom and I are talking now, I actually crawled into her bed last night (I know this sounds crazy, my mom has a really comfortable bed and the coolest room in the house) and she said "you slept like a rock!" which is funny because I really woke up every hour! My mom said she was up from 3-4 and was afraid to move to wake me up. It's getting hilarious. My family has weird sleep habits too, and I've never realized this until I talked about mine. My dad tells me he only needs 5 hours, but he falls asleep on the sofa every night watching tv... so he clearly gets more!

 

Anyway, thanks for listening to my babble. Coming here is so normalizing and I feel like you all get it. Also, since I opened up about my sleep troubles (though not necessarily sharing about taking benzos) a lot of other friends have shared theirs with me. It has helped my coping with this a lot, and made me feel more "normal" and less dysfunctional. we will all get through this! <3

[[Si...]]

Hi aloha & teal,

 

Changing time zones can be difficult even for normal sleepers. We only crossed one time zone, so not as bad as either of your travels. I slept really hard last night. My wife said I fell asleep very soon after getting into bed. Wish that happened every night. I woke up at 5:30am, then fell back asleep. I was falling asleep within 10 - 20 minutes pretty much every night all last year. So it makes it especially hard to go back to this. Really wish I wouldn't have gone out to drink the night I did. Hopefully it clears up soon for all of us.

[[te...]]

Hi aloha & teal,

 

Changing time zones can be difficult even for normal sleepers. We only crossed one time zone, so not as bad as either of your travels. I slept really hard last night. My wife said I fell asleep very soon after getting into bed. Wish that happened every night. I woke up at 5:30am, then fell back asleep. I was falling asleep within 10 - 20 minutes pretty much every night all last year. So it makes it especially hard to go back to this. Really wish I wouldn't have gone out to drink the night I did. Hopefully it clears up soon for all of us.

 

That's really great, falling asleep so soon after getting into bed!! I'm sure you will get that back because your body got used to it before. After reading your post about what happened with drinking, I avoided alcohol my whole trip. I was too scared. It's just not worth it. Everyone thought I was nuts and a party pooper but I don't miss alcohol at all!

[[Si...]]

Hi aloha & teal,

 

Changing time zones can be difficult even for normal sleepers. We only crossed one time zone, so not as bad as either of your travels. I slept really hard last night. My wife said I fell asleep very soon after getting into bed. Wish that happened every night. I woke up at 5:30am, then fell back asleep. I was falling asleep within 10 - 20 minutes pretty much every night all last year. So it makes it especially hard to go back to this. Really wish I wouldn't have gone out to drink the night I did. Hopefully it clears up soon for all of us.

 

That's really great, falling asleep so soon after getting into bed!! I'm sure you will get that back because your body got used to it before. After reading your post about what happened with drinking, I avoided alcohol my whole trip. I was too scared. It's just not worth it. Everyone thought I was nuts and a party pooper but I don't miss alcohol at all!

 

That can be one of the harder things to deal with. People want to convince you to drink with them. I'll admit that the social aspect of drinking has a strong pull on me. It's just not worth the consequences. At all.

[[te...]]

Hi aloha & teal,

 

Changing time zones can be difficult even for normal sleepers. We only crossed one time zone, so not as bad as either of your travels. I slept really hard last night. My wife said I fell asleep very soon after getting into bed. Wish that happened every night. I woke up at 5:30am, then fell back asleep. I was falling asleep within 10 - 20 minutes pretty much every night all last year. So it makes it especially hard to go back to this. Really wish I wouldn't have gone out to drink the night I did. Hopefully it clears up soon for all of us.

 

That's really great, falling asleep so soon after getting into bed!! I'm sure you will get that back because your body got used to it before. After reading your post about what happened with drinking, I avoided alcohol my whole trip. I was too scared. It's just not worth it. Everyone thought I was nuts and a party pooper but I don't miss alcohol at all!

 

That can be one of the harder things to deal with. People want to convince you to drink with them. I'll admit that the social aspect of drinking has a strong pull on me. It's just not worth the consequences. At all.

 

right!?!? i'm trying to convince people to do other things, like outdoors activities, games, eating or even coffee. caffeine doesn't bother me. and on my trip I realized I could drink a lot more than I was drinking before and be fine. thank god, lol. but no alcohol. I don't miss it at all!

[[Si...]]

Most of last year while I was sleeping well, I actually looked forward to bed time. Now I have the sleep anxiety again.

[[te...]]

Most of last year while I was sleeping well, I actually looked forward to bed time. Now I have the sleep anxiety again.

 

I just noticed the neutral milk hotel lyric in your profile.. I think that's what it refers to, right?

 

sending you lots of compassion and hope that the relief and peace of mind associated with bedtime returns. It surely will, it was there before. know we share this, I do too. hugs!

[[Si...]]

Most of last year while I was sleeping well, I actually looked forward to bed time. Now I have the sleep anxiety again.

 

I just noticed the neutral milk hotel lyric in your profile.. I think that's what it refers to, right?

 

sending you lots of compassion and hope that the relief and peace of mind associated with bedtime returns. It surely will, it was there before. know we share this, I do too. hugs!

 

Awesome, nice catch! Yep NMH lyric quotes. One of my all time favorites. Saw them twice when they came to Georgia.

 

Thanks for your kind words and encouragement. It's hard to see a way through this again. I'm just hoping it doesn't take long. Hope you're doing well today.

[[me...]]

That can be one of the harder things to deal with. People want to convince you to drink with them. I'll admit that the social aspect of drinking has a strong pull on me. It's just not worth the consequences. At all.

 

I've actually done pretty well making up "fake" drinks and sipping them all night. Nobody seems to notice if I can mix it myself. I can win any argument when the other person is drunk and I am sober, but they probably won't remember anyway!

 

What's hardest is after a rough day, when I have a headache, and just need some relief. I have to admit that last night, after the whole dog/chicken thing I really need a shot and gave in. I mixed up a little drink in a shot glass and drank it through a straw to keep it off my gums, kind of pathetic! It did take away my headache, was nice for a bit, but I'm pretty sure it made the whole neuropathy thing kick in harder once it hit my system.

[[Si...]]

That can be one of the harder things to deal with. People want to convince you to drink with them. I'll admit that the social aspect of drinking has a strong pull on me. It's just not worth the consequences. At all.

 

I've actually done pretty well making up "fake" drinks and sipping them all night. Nobody seems to notice if I can mix it myself. I can win any argument when the other person is drunk and I am sober, but they probably won't remember anyway!

 

What's hardest is after a rough day, when I have a headache, and just need some relief. I have to admit that last night, after the whole dog/chicken thing I really need a shot and gave in. I mixed up a little drink in a shot glass and drank it through a straw to keep it off my gums, kind of pathetic! It did take away my headache, was nice for a bit, but I'm pretty sure it made the whole neuropathy thing kick in harder once it hit my system.

 

I've done the fake drink a bunch of times at parties. I use to have a few beers after work to wind down some. Those days are over now though.

[[Si...]]

Here I am again with a 0 sleep night. I'm so stupid for screwing myself up with alcohol.

[[al...]]

Siggy,

Who would have guessed that one night could have resulted in this. I am glad that you are warning others to stay away from alcohol, but I am sorry that the warning is coming at such a high price to your sleep. You got to stop beating up on yourself. You had no way of knowing that this was going to happen and what is done is done. You got through round one so you know that round two is not going to K.O. you. Hopefully you will be back to your better baseline soon and you will know what to do (or not to do) to protected it.

[[La...]]

That can be one of the harder things to deal with. People want to convince you to drink with them. I'll admit that the social aspect of drinking has a strong pull on me. It's just not worth the consequences. At all.

 

I've actually done pretty well making up "fake" drinks and sipping them all night. Nobody seems to notice if I can mix it myself. I can win any argument when the other person is drunk and I am sober, but they probably won't remember anyway!

 

What's hardest is after a rough day, when I have a headache, and just need some relief. I have to admit that last night, after the whole dog/chicken thing I really need a shot and gave in. I mixed up a little drink in a shot glass and drank it through a straw to keep it off my gums, kind of pathetic! It did take away my headache, was nice for a bit, but I'm pretty sure it made the whole neuropathy thing kick in harder once it hit my system.

 

I've done the fake drink a bunch of times at parties. I use to have a few beers after work to wind down some. Those days are over now though.

 

Maybe try bringing a few psilocybin caps instead? A nice hot mushroom tea could definitely hit the spot.

[[Si...]]

That can be one of the harder things to deal with. People want to convince you to drink with them. I'll admit that the social aspect of drinking has a strong pull on me. It's just not worth the consequences. At all.

 

I've actually done pretty well making up "fake" drinks and sipping them all night. Nobody seems to notice if I can mix it myself. I can win any argument when the other person is drunk and I am sober, but they probably won't remember anyway!

 

What's hardest is after a rough day, when I have a headache, and just need some relief. I have to admit that last night, after the whole dog/chicken thing I really need a shot and gave in. I mixed up a little drink in a shot glass and drank it through a straw to keep it off my gums, kind of pathetic! It did take away my headache, was nice for a bit, but I'm pretty sure it made the whole neuropathy thing kick in harder once it hit my system.

 

I've done the fake drink a bunch of times at parties. I use to have a few beers after work to wind down some. Those days are over now though.

 

Maybe try bringing a few psilocybin caps instead? A nice hot mushroom tea could definitely hit the spot.

 

LOL, I had to give those up a long time ago! That is for sure prison time here in Georgia.

[[Si...]]

Siggy,

Who would have guessed that one night could have resulted in this. I am glad that you are warning others to stay away from alcohol, but I am sorry that the warning is coming at such a high price to your sleep. You got to stop beating up on yourself. You had no way of knowing that this was going to happen and what is done is done. You got through round one so you know that round two is not going to K.O. you. Hopefully you will be back to your better baseline soon and you will know what to do (or not to do) to protected it.

 

It threw me off even more because I was feeling healed and had a few drinks here and there with no change in symptoms. No idea why I got hit like this. I'm super depressed by it. How are you doing these days? Are you back in Hawaii now?