Post Benzo Freedom Withdrawal Support Group

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Vertigo- If you can get in touch with me, I am very much interested in hearing about your experiences with Jon Kabbat Zin's MBSR work. I am starting Series 1 - 8 week Mindfulness meditation tomorrow.

 

THere is no PM, but I created a post about Jon Kabbat Zin in the main Withdrawal and Recovery Support room if you can reply there. I am VERY much interested in hearing how his work in MBSR has helped you.

 

Thanks!

Wylidas

[[ve...]]

Vertigo- If you can get in touch with me, I am very much interested in hearing about your experiences with Jon Kabbat Zin's MBSR work. I am starting Series 1 - 8 week Mindfulness meditation tomorrow.  THere is no PM, but I created a post about Jon Kabbat Zin in the main Withdrawal and Recovery Support room if you can reply there. I am VERY much interested in hearing how his work in MBSR has helped you.

 

Thanks!

Wylidas

 

Hi Wylidas.

Well, I've read about four of his books and I have found that even a few minutes of mindfulness during the day can have a positive impact on one's life.  Also, recent brain research (see The Emotional Life of your Brain) by Richard Davidson has confirmed real health benefits and the potential to even reverse brain "damage" via mindfulness.  One doesn't have to "meditate" for 20 minutes, although that might be even more ideal.  All kinds of short applications such as walking meditation, doing the dishes with mindfulness, or spending a few minutes before bed and upon walking up can have a positive impact on your day and your benzo recovery.  Of course the paradox is that as soon as one "practices" or attempts mindfulness with some goal of controlling one's mind, anxiety or mood, it may not yield as positive results so be mindful of that .  I'll take a look for your thread later.

 

Mindfully yours ,.

 

Vertigo

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Verti

 

Im freaking out and I need to get your advice before you take off into normal land.  I have just posted a depressed after withdrawal thread.  I read tonight about protracted withdrawal from a cold turkey so now im even more freaked out than before not ocd freaked out but freaked out.  Why would I be depressed 6 weeks off.  Is six weeks off still acute withdrawal or what.

 

thanks in desperation

 

Lizzy

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Vertigo, you have been so encouraging to everyone on Benzo Buddies!!  What an amazing and supportive thread this has been.  Wow, people on here will sure miss your advise!  Although I have not been active on the forum, I have gained such knowledge from your posts over my withdrawal period.  Thank you so much for all you have done to help everyone!  Just so you know, you have made a significant difference in my time off and helped me so much with all my crazy symptoms!  Thank you from the bottom of my heart Vertigo and good luck to you in the years ahead.  I hope you will drop in and mentor people as you have such a way with words and can really connect with people. 

 

I can't help feeling bittersweet with you leaving.  So happy that you are moving on to your life and being well but sad that such a contributing caring member will no longer be here.  Continue to grow in every way Vertigo.  You deserve the best!

 

Many thanks, NewMe, for your kind words.  I am glad to know that you were helped in some way by my posts on forum and this thread.  I don't have any plans to return to forum, other than to possibly write a final "3 year" update to my success story thread in November.  I feel like it is time to move on.  I think June 3rd will be my last day.  Perhaps others who have healed can take over the reigns for a while.  How are you doing now?  I think I read that you were 18 months off your taper.

 

Vertigo

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Verti

Im freaking out and I need to get your advice before you take off into normal land.  I have just posted a depressed after withdrawal thread.  I read tonight about protracted withdrawal from a cold turkey so now im even more freaked out than before not ocd freaked out but freaked out.  Why would I be depressed 6 weeks off.  Is six weeks off still acute withdrawal or what.

thanks in desperation

 

Lizzy

 

Hi Lizzy. 

I am sorry to read of your blues.  First, I'm here one more week until next Sunday so I'm not quite moving into "normal land" .  I'm going to miss your wit though.  Anyway, my symptoms waxed and waned for a good 4 months before feeling like I was really "turning the corner".  I finished my taper in November 2009 and by April, I traveled with my wife to attend a wedding and had a very good time.  That being said, I was nowhere near "recovered".  In fact, I had my first mini panic attack at 6 months off in May, 2010.  However, I did report feeling about 80% by that point.

 

Remember, every situation is a little different, but from what I've seen on forum, it's not  uncommon to have symptoms waxing and waning from 3-12 months off.  I don't know of too many buddies who were feeling great before 3 months, so it's early for you, Lizzy. Also, you did have a particularly rough time with the c/t, reinstatement, rapid detox, other medications... so this may take a little longer than 3 months to really start to feel like you are feeling significantly and consistently well.  Remember, some depression is expected.  You've been through a lot.  Also, I found that since I was prone to anxiety that sometimes after extended periods of anxiety, like when I have visited my sick parent for a week or two of his chemo, it eventually wears you out and can turn to the blues on a dime.

 

After one reaches some level of feeling "stable", one's pre benzo issues may start to surface too, if one took the benzo for some particular reason.  In my case it was anxiety and insomnia which were compounded by those visits to my father, as mentioned above.  And I would often return from those trips exhausted and some blues would emerge and sometimes stick around for a week or two. 

 

Additionally, my situation was unique in that I got shingles at five weeks off.  That impacted my CNS and recovery greatly. First, it really sent me into a tailspin of depression and fatigue.  All the anxiety and worry during end of my taper regarding my father's hospitalization and near death, conflicts with my brother over my father's illness and his home care, resulted in a kind of break down of my immune system.  I spent most of the 2nd and 3rd month off valium, very fatigued and blue.  If I could recover from that, you can and will recover from whatever blues you are having at the moment.  Interestingly, some blues seem to have creeped back this past few weeks since my recent visit to the west coast.  I was recently on a two week course of antibiotics for a sinus infection, which appears to have had some impact on my mood.  Remember, recovering from a benzo dependency will not prevent some "normal" blues or anxiety from cropping up once in a while.

 

Anyway, I hope this phase of the blues will pass soon for you Lizzy.  By the way, one can not even think one is protracted until at least 12-18 months has passed.  You're going to heal Lizzy. 

 

Vertigo

[Guest [...]]

If I send you a kangaroo can you stay?  Sorry verti your always so wise you are going to be missed Im sure people dont realise that yet. You know you never know what you miss till its gone.  Thanks for giving me some insight your right I have been through a lot its just bloody scary you know.  Well you do know.  I think a part of its grief and well I just dont know withdrawal I guess.

 

You did go through the mills didnt you with all the family stuff as well.  I hope your blues disappear as well Im sure they will.  I just fear that my cns never really recovered from an adverse ssri reaction years ago so it doesnt leave me much hope that this will improve either.  Not being negative but just realistic.

 

I think your right about your sinus infection im thinking my flu/virus is impacting on me as well.

 

take care and thanks

 

Lizzyx

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hi my first post here. i am off clonazapam now 63 days.my main symptoms,face tightness,

itching,head/neck sensations,burning pain,muscle pain/wasting/weight loss,gi itchy,burning/bloating,

itchy chest with  some pain/tightness,bladder/pelvis pain

return of some am anxiety,chills returned replacing sweating.symptoms keep me pretty dwn and obssesed

everyday.supplements dont help they hurt.gave up eating just chicken brest/rice,soup.also running to docs or er.due to recent test chest xray/endoscope,bloodwork and past mri,mra,cts,ultrasounds,urine test.

except for visit to dermatologist to check itching and he feels its wd.recommended anthisimine but understood

not  good for me.also piss alot.really worry because see no improvement.still push myself to do light workouts

and get out the house to store.then head/neck shoulders freeze up.get in a bad sick of this mood.

sleep 4-6 hrs without med help.naps are toxic and awaken in shock and feel worse.i aslo get how could this drug i stopped 2 mths ago cause so many issues and fear the worst.feelings of impending doom.

seems people on clonzapam have symptoms that differ from xanax.any feedback would help thanks.

[[ve...]]

hi my first post here. i am off clonazapam now 63 days.my main symptoms

itching,head/neck sensations,burning pain,muscle wasting/weight loss,gi itchy,burning/bloating,itchy chest  some pain return of some am anxiety,chills returned replacing sweating.symptoms keep me pretty dwn and obssesed everyday.supplements dont help they hurt.gave up eating just chicken brest/rice,soup.also running to docs or er.except for visit to dermatologist to check itching and he feels its wd.recommended anthisimine but understood

not  good for me.also piss alot.really worry because see no improvement.still push myself to do light workouts and get out the house to store.then head/neck shoulders freeze up.get in a bad sick of this mood.sleep 4-6 hrs without med help.naps are toxic and awaken in shock and feel worse.i aslo get how could this drug i stopped 2 mths ago cause so many issues and fear the worst.  feelings of impending doom.

 

Hi Alan.  Sorry to read about so many intense symptoms at 2 months out.  Many of the symptoms you mentioned are not uncommon for many folks who took klonopin.  Unfortunately, the healing process may sometimes take more than just a few months.  That is not to say that every symptom you mentioned will not improve for a long time.  Some symptoms may start to improve next week, others may wax and wane for longer periods. 

 

One of the reasons I started this thread two years ago when I was a few months off valium was because I suspected I was not the only one out there who still had symptoms after a few months.  And if you read through this thread, you will come to understand that it's not very typical to expect complete healing or in some cases, significant healing after just 8 weeks.  Yes, some folks are lucky and have started to see many improvements.  Others take longer periods like I did and others here.

 

Hope things start to improve for you,

 

Vertigo

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If I send you a kangaroo can you stay?  Sorry verti your always so wise you are going to be missed Im sure people dont realise that yet. You know you never know what you miss till its gone.  Thanks for giving me some insight your right I have been through a lot its just bloody scary you know.  Well you do know.  I think a part of its grief and well I just dont know withdrawal I guess.

You did go through the mills didnt you with all the family stuff as well.  I hope your blues disappear as well Im sure they will.  I just fear that my cns never really recovered from an adverse ssri reaction years ago so it doesnt leave me much hope that this will improve either.  Not being negative but just realistic.  I think your right about your sinus infection im thinking my flu/virus is impacting on me as well.

take care and thanks

Lizzyx

 

Many thanks for the kind offer to send a kangaroo Lizzy .  It is tempting for sure.  Funnily enough, there is a kangaroo farm about an hour from Atlanta which I must admit I've not been to.  When my son was younger, we wanted to take him but they had an age restriction at the time which as I recall prevented us from going.  Anyway, I hope your cold gets better soon. 

 

Gotta take the dog out,

 

Vertigo

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have fun with the dog Verti sure beats sitting on the computer.  lol at the farm they eat them here well I dont but lots do.  So cruel I think but they are in abundance and are a pest unfortunately like out of control.  I so want to go to Atlanta I mean the closet I get is watching the Real Housewives of Atlanta lolz i know but you know I dont have many receptors left at all its all I can watch.

 

anyway enjoy your day.

 

Lizzyx

[[al...]]

hi my first post here. i am off clonazapam now 63 days.my main symptoms

itching,head/neck sensations,burning pain,muscle wasting/weight loss,gi itchy,burning/bloating,itchy chest  some pain return of some am anxiety,chills returned replacing sweating.symptoms keep me pretty dwn and obssesed everyday.supplements dont help they hurt.gave up eating just chicken brest/rice,soup.also running to docs or er.except for visit to dermatologist to check itching and he feels its wd.recommended anthisimine but understood

not  good for me.also piss alot.really worry because see no improvement.still push myself to do light workouts and get out the house to store.then head/neck shoulders freeze up.get in a bad sick of this mood.sleep 4-6 hrs without med help.naps are toxic and awaken in shock and feel worse.i aslo get how could this drug i stopped 2 mths ago cause so many issues and fear the worst.  feelings of impending doom.

 

Hi Alan.  Sorry to read about so many intense symptoms at 2 months out.  Many of the symptoms you mentioned are not uncommon for many folks who took klonopin.  Unfortunately, the healing process may sometimes take more than just a few months.  That is not to say that every symptom you mentioned will not improve for a long time.  Some symptoms may start to improve next week, others may wax and wane for longer periods. 

 

One of the reasons I started this thread two years ago when I was a few months off valium was because I suspected I was not the only one out there who still had symptoms after a few months.  And if you read through this thread, you will come to understand that it's not very typical to expect complete healing or in some cases, significant healing after just 8 weeks.  Yes, some folks are lucky and have started to see many improvements.  Others take longer periods like I did and others here.

 

Hope things start to improve for you,

 

Vertigo

 

thank you for your kind words.

[Guest [...]]

hi alan

 

do you feel depressed as well like r u happy at all?

 

Lizzy

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have fun with the dog Verti sure beats sitting on the computer.  lol at the farm they eat them here well I dont but lots do.  So cruel I think but they are in abundance and are a pest unfortunately like out of control.  I so want to go to Atlanta I mean the closet I get is watching the Real Housewives of Atlanta lolz i know but you know I dont have many receptors left at all its all I can watch.  anyway enjoy your day.

Lizzyx

 

Hi Lizzy.  I've not watched the Atlanta housewives show but it sounds intriguing .  I didn't know kangaroo was a delicacy .  Well, I guess they eat dogs in China too so nothing surprises me.  Hope you had a nice Sunday and we'll catch up with you later.  We're going to a swim party today and a Memorial Day party tomorrow so I may not be around too much the rest of the weekend.  I seem to find some time first thing in the morning when my son and wife are still sleeping though.  You know me, can't seem to sleep past 6AM even on weekends .

 

Cheers,

 

Verti

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hi alan

 

do you feel depressed as well like r u happy at all?

 

Lizzy

 

more worry and sick of this than depressed Lizzy.i think depressed means you dont have desire to do anything

i want to do everything.eat anything,drink anything,do what i used to do.wake up one day with out my head

feeling funny,muscles tight,gi jacked up,itching,pissing.if thats depressed well i guess i am.but i feel like im not just tired of all this already and scared this is gonna be a long thing to deal with or im never gonna be able to enjoy my life again.end up divorced .enough of this crap enough is enough.kinda ticked of too at MDs and

Pharma.feel like bum rushing drug reps when i see them but i keep it under control.i pray for you Lizzy.

i'd say look at it as  you are normal to feel like you do.sad and tired of feeling like you are.you need a hug.

[[pu...]]

Vertigo...thanks for getting back with me. Yes I do think thyroid can play some part in recovery but even when my levels are good I still have shakes...inner vibrations....anxiety...muscle aches and burning....and lots of vertigo...like I said it is coming upon 31 months Xanax free for me and I just can not get a break. I have never had a day of relief. Just wondering if this is normal for this length of time? I feel most of this is Benzo related...I know my tapper was only 11 weeks than wham I was done...I started getting most of these Horrific symptoms as soon as I was done with Benzos that is why I thin it is still from the Benzos?? I feel hopeless...maybe I will not ever heal and am damaged I am so sad and weak. Thanks for listening I do not know what to think anymore...I just have a lot of weird sensations in my body just feel as if I am dying inside and out ((((((

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Alan thanks friend you are right Im so fed up just like you I guess its sad more than depressed however Im not happy thats for sure.  Im totally angry how this can happen and I think having this flu as well has done my head in atm.  Im sorry things still suck for you I really am we are new off though remember and just think how the guys feel that are 18 months off and well still unwell.  lol Alan leave the drug reps alone although I had similiar thoughts the other day when I saw one hehe.  He actually delivered the doctor a gift while I was there.

 

Yes scared is what it is of feeling like this forever its bs.

 

Vertigo yes you learnt something new right the kangaroos and crocodile are delicacies you wouldnt see me ever eat its that game meat eewww I dont like it at all.

 

Have a good one Vertigo sounds like fun.

 

Lizzyx

 

 

[[pa...]]

Hi V

Just another reply and update before you set off...

First off, V, I want to thank you once again for all you've done here on this forum. Really, this thread has become THE forum for me for so long now. I don't really bother with my own personal blog anymore because I have found this one to be so much more universal and helpful.

A special thanks to you also for helping me through a recent crisis that developed week before last. I am confident that there has been a resolution to this now. However, the resulting stress it's put on my nerves, I am still feeling more than I'd like. Mostly, I feel exhausted and I am trying to rest as much as possible and also to keep out negative thinking. Right now, I can't afford the luxury of a negative though PERIOD.

 

I have a nice chaperon trip coming up later this week and I so look forward to that. Tomorrow, we plan to go somewhere and I'm thinking that Mt St Helens may be the place to enjoy scenery, take a nice hike and enjoy time with family.

 

How are things with you? I suppose you must have some plans as well. Sorry I don't keep up as much with the blog as I used to. Just too many life things going on right now. Anyway, I wish you the best in whatever you may do.  You are a master at keeping busy and I'm sure you'll get quite a bit done this summer and explore new territory. I know you'll be missed here. Question, do you plan to close down your profile altogether, or just not post or visit as much? It's remarkable the amount of time you've spent addressing others here on the forum. I don't lay any claim to coming close to that, although I am willing to help others who need advise. I am just about the same level as you as far as recovery goes. I don't have any plans to move on just yet and if anyone here needs assistance I'd be glad to help. I don't have outside texting capabilities right now, only a PC, so be patient all!

Mostly, V, have a great Memorial Day! We're doing basic hamburgers and hot dogs, potato salad and corn. That plus a trip to Mt St Helens makes this weekend special for me. I believe it was just before Memorial Day that the volcano erupted and there were 57 people who perished there. They have a memorial at one of the visitors centers to honor those people. Also, the Wherhouser Center is free and shows a movie of the eruption. It's nice to see how nature is bouncing back with all the new trees that shade the paths now.

Take good care and I'll check back later.

[[wi...]]

So long Verti!

Thank you for all the support.  This thread has been a life line at times.  I look forward to the day when I am no longer in such a hard place and I can move on in life.  You are an encouragement.

 

My best to you,

Wish

[[Mu...]]

after 4 months tapering i went completely free from klonopin march 23. was extremely happy at that time but was unrealistically optimistic about recovery. i have made some progress but it is slow and i'm still miserable most of the time. am able to get 4-5 hours sleep most nights. have decided to not even try being social again until i recover because i'm just too uncomfortable socially. depression, muscle soreness, insomnia and fatigue seem to be my main symptoms. broke my arm(excuse my typing) so unable to exercize like i should. just very frustrated. i hate dr's and pharmaceutical companies!

[[ve...]]

Vertigo yes you learnt something new right the kangaroos and crocodile are delicacies you wouldnt see me ever eat its that game meat eewww I dont like it at all.  Have a good one Vertigo sounds like fun.

Lizzyx

 

Hi Lizzy.  I've not had kangaroo but have tried alligator when we lived in Florida, tasted a bit like chicken.  Last night at the bbq pool party we went to, we ate some bison burgers which I'd not eaten before.  They were quite good and supposedly healthier than regular burgers, probably because they are grass fed and have more omega 3, maybe less fat too.  Anyway, it was a nice gathering.  One more Memorial Day party to go to today .  How's your cold doing?

 

Verti

[[ve...]]

So long Verti!  Thank you for all the support.  This thread has been a life line at times.  I look forward to the day when I am no longer in such a hard place and I can move on in life.  You are an encouragement.

My best to you,

Wish

 

Thanks Wish.  I'm still around through next weekend, then it's my summer farewell .  I'm glad you have enjoyed the thread.  You all are welcome to try and keep it going after I leave, then pass the torch .

 

Take care,

 

Vertigo

[[ve...]]

Hi V   Just another reply and update before you set off...  First off, V, I want to thank you once again for all you've done here on this forum. Really, this thread has become THE forum for me for so long now. I don't really bother with my own personal blog anymore because I have found this one to be so much more universal and helpful.  A special thanks to you also for helping me through a recent crisis that developed week before last. I am confident that there has been a resolution to this now. However, the resulting stress it's put on my nerves, I am still feeling more than I'd like.  How are things with you? I suppose you must have some plans as well. Sorry I don't keep up as much with the blog as I used to. Just too many life things going on right now. Anyway, I wish you the best in whatever you may do.  You are a master at keeping busy and I'm sure you'll get quite a bit done this summer and explore new territory. I know you'll be missed here. Question, do you plan to close down your profile altogether, or just not post or visit as much? It's remarkable the amount of time you've spent addressing others here on the forum. Take good care and I'll check back later.

 

Many thanks Mike.  I'm still around one more week.  By the way, if you continue on forum, feel free to bump up this thread once in a while so others might benefit from reading our post benzo stories for a while.  Yes, it's going to be another busy summer for us, with several trips in the works.  Glad things have settled down for you and hope you enjoy your chaperone trip next week.  As for my profile, I hadn't thought about it much.  Since I plan to post a 3 year final update in November on my success thread, perhaps I'll not inquire about changes to my profile til then.

 

Happy Memorial Day to those who have the day off!

 

Vertigo

[[ve...]]

after 4 months tapering i went completely free from klonopin march 23. was extremely happy at that time but was unrealistically optimistic about recovery. i have made some progress but it is slow and i'm still miserable most of the time. am able to get 4-5 hours sleep most nights. have decided to not even try being social again until i recover because i'm just too uncomfortable socially. depression, muscle soreness, insomnia and fatigue seem to be my main symptoms. broke my arm(excuse my typing) so unable to exercize like i should. just very frustrated. i hate dr's and pharmaceutical companies!

 

Hi Muscatine.  Congrats on your benzo freedom.  Glad you're making some progress.  I was getting about the same as you, 4-5 hours sleep for some period.  I was also depressed and fatigued in the early months off.  The whole process can be exhausting.  I was pretty anti social in the first couple months off too. 

 

Hang in there,

 

Vertigo

[[ne...]]

Hi Vertigo:

 

I am 17 months off my taper and doing extremely well.  It was a horrible process but I found the tapering was the worst part.  When I made the jump off the valium,  my anxiety slowly went away.  I did have a struggle with depression for a number of months but by month 8 it began to leave and I returned to exercising and feeling like my old self prior to drugs.  I had many crazy symptoms including what felt like a herniated disc/sciatica, but that also disappeared on its own magically after 8 months.  I have had a few lingering symptoms but am getting ready to write a success story.  Thanks again for sharing your story with BB members over the years and for all your encouragement.  It has been invaluable for the forum. 

 

 

[[ve...]]

Hi Vertigo:  I am 17 months off my taper and doing extremely well.  It was a horrible process but I found the tapering was the worst part.  When I made the jump off the valium,  my anxiety slowly went away.  I did have a struggle with depression for a number of months but by month 8 it began to leave and I returned to exercising and feeling like my old self prior to drugs.  I had many crazy symptoms including what felt like a herniated disc/sciatica, but that also disappeared on its own magically after 8 months.  I have had a few lingering symptoms but am getting ready to write a success story.  Thanks again for sharing your story with BB members over the years and for all your encouragement.  It has been invaluable for the forum.

 

I look forward to reading your success story, NewMe . 

 

Vertigo