6-12 month thread....

[[Co...]]

Just a quick up-date....I ended up having a wonderful time yesterday with my grandson. My ex and I took our 11 year old grandson to see The Giver ..his request as he had just finished the book. I was amazed at how well he understood the book and the movie on several levels. It was the first time I have been out in 2/3 weeks. I had some mild dizziness and head discomfort and a brief mini panic but it was very doable and I was able to concentrate on the movie as welll

....Today the head pressure and dizziness have been a lot better. I had a 2 hour window this morning ( no s/x and happy)  then out of the blue an absolute physical sense of a curtain co.I g down...exactly like a dimmer switch.  within minutes, cog fog,  spacey,  disconnected,  anxiety,  health fears and intrusive thoughts.  an hour later.  the window came back...it has cycled like that,  rapid change from window to wave ...wave to window all day. I tho k my wave is lifting and maybe I am on the upswing again...

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... Monday ... how soon til Friday? ...

 

Our little nor'easter is over ... sunshine for the first day of Fall over here ... balmy ...

 

Jitters and anxiety this morning ... oh well ... maybe shouldn't have watched that second football game last night ...

 

Hope you all get through your day pleasantly ...

 

Only 93 shopping days til Christmas ... 

[[wh...]]

Good morning.  I hope everyone is doing well.

HH:  Have a good day. Hope it started out great.

  I have to take a bus downtown today; I've had severe panic attacks on the bus.....oh God.  so silly to anyone else but we all understand at benzo buddies.  Ugh. 

Wish me luck. 

Hey Nova; did you watch the Rider game?  If that didn't give me a heart attack nothing will.  Beautiful day here too.

Very jittery and high anxiety this morning too.  Damn Grimm.....relentless. But so are we.

 

 

[[dr...]]

Just a quick up-date....I ended up having a wonderful time yesterday with my grandson. My ex and I took our 11 year old grandson to see The Giver ..his request as he had just finished the book. I was amazed at how well he understood the book and the movie on several levels. It was the first time I have been out in 2/3 weeks. I had some mild dizziness and head discomfort and a brief mini panic but it was very doable and I was able to concentrate on the movie as welll

....Today the head pressure and dizziness have been a lot better. I had a 2 hour window this morning ( no s/x and happy)  then out of the blue an absolute physical sense of a curtain co.I g down...exactly like a dimmer switch.  within minutes, cog fog,  spacey,  disconnected,  anxiety,  health fears and intrusive thoughts.  an hour later.  the window came back...it has cycled like that,  rapid change from window to wave ...wave to window all day. I tho k my wave is lifting and maybe I am on the upswing again...

 

 

Coop-that's exactly how my last two bad waves ended. Symptoms solid all day and relentless to a rapid cycling.  The rapid cycling changes in a few days to mild one hour hits and then the wave is gone. I'm sure you're headed out of this wave.

[[Sk...]]

Holy cow, I don't know what I would do without you all!  My fear for tomorrow has calmed down significantly thanks to all of your words of truth. 

I have realized that I wasn't breathing through this fear very well.  My rib cage got so tight and I wasn't taking deep breaths.  I will be working on that tomorrow. I'm going to try to eat some protein and I'll be taking a bath and then going to bed early.

I went on a walk tonight and will be meeting my friend at 5:30 tomorrow morning for another one.  Hoping to burn off some excess anxiety before I get started. 

My dad told me to make an exit plan.  I will be calling my husband to come and pick me up, if I absolutely need to, but I think just by knowing that is an option I will feel less trapped, calming my fears. 

 

This little group of ours is such a blessing! 

 

Healing, so sorry you had such a bad attack of panic. This one involved taking care of children so, I don't know, even if is your job, it is a fear about relevant things.

Your panic sounds like mine. Why do we stop breathing though ? It's nuts !

 

Anyway, the fact of coming here and talking it over must be calming in a way, although nobody can take your misery away. But sharing a fear is usually the first step in getting rid of it. At least for me.

 

As I write, you are probably on your trip and it is going fine, you are in the moment. I do hope you will let us know all about it.

 

Your panic, had me thinking . Next time I have  attack of panic or anxiety, I really should come here, or at least write it down.

 

Seeing your fear written down in black and white seems to make the fear so less powerful.

 

I realise I have some sort of shyness when it comes to talking about my  suffering. I want to overcome it, not speaking about my fears just makes them more powerful.

I also have this fear of bothering ohter budduies, but  you guys seem to take everything in  such stride.

 

I guess this is one more thing that I have to work on !

 

But I don't mind that, if wd were only about working to become better versions of ourself that would be great and people would gladly go through it ! Well, I would !

[[Sk...]]

Wow...a LOT going on here. Every time I stay off the forum for a day I get completely lost in the posts.  I read them all and then I can not remember who wrote what post...

....HH....I am so sorry you are in such misery over the field trip with the panic attached to it. I had a panic. at the PT office 3 weeks ago and have not returned yet...I totally get it. I think which ever way you go is going to be fine. I love Peace 's take on it.. we have to care about and for ourselves and accept that we are not perfect human beings...and it is so important to model this to kids...and it sounds like you have a very good back up plan. ...In the long run HH,  either option ..wheather you go or don't go is perfectly acceptable. If you don't go its ok,  you will go next year when panics and anxiety will be long ago distant fuzzy memories. If you do go you will experience that sense of" I did this! "...and gain some more confidence...

.....I will be thinking of you tomorrow HH....wishing you peace...coop

 

Coop, so glad you did go to the movies !

 

I have a question for you. Has your wave ever abated ? In my case it takes some short breaks, I suffer a little less and then it is business as usual !

How about you ?

 

Mr Sky says maybe it is better  that I don't have any windows so the shock of them closing is not so bad but that sounds silly to me. I should not knock myself out for not having them, that is true, but it is scary and we are so easily scared these days .

 

My body is humming and humming today but last night I had a little two hour break but my cog fog is so much worse ! Oh well, this will pass, it always does and soon it will be my 11 month anniversary and that is grand !

[[Sk...]]

Sky..I just read your post a few pages back about the weird fear of doing normal every day things.  I had this too...like random dread and anxiety would just attach itself to thoughts about anything. I would wake up in the morning thinking " I need to run a load of laundry ".  or, "my friend is stopping by with lunch today "  and just be flooded with dread and repetive tho king about how long it would be until I needed yo put laundry in or when my friend would be coming. It would be hours away but I would have sinking crushing dread..  over unimportant things a nd things that I was looking forward to. It was never about the actual event.  the dread somehow came with the thought not the image or vision ...so weird I can not articulate it...way different than anticipatory dread. It was more like intrusive thoughts somehow...It hardly ever happens to me any more. It is a spooky s/x but it goes away. ..Feel better Sky...you are healing every day...coop

 

When the small things scare me, I decide I am taking a holiday and not doing all the things I am so anzxious about doing. No, i don't give in to the fear, I just say to myself, " Ok, today we are taking a holiday " and do the things most fun that I can do these days . For the moment it seems to help, but when my brain, Mr Grimm, will get wise to it I wil have to come up with something else !

 

Outhinking mr Grimm, keeping one step ahead of it,  is it even possible ?

[[Sk...]]

Just a quick up-date....I ended up having a wonderful time yesterday with my grandson. My ex and I took our 11 year old grandson to see The Giver ..his request as he had just finished the book. I was amazed at how well he understood the book and the movie on several levels. It was the first time I have been out in 2/3 weeks. I had some mild dizziness and head discomfort and a brief mini panic but it was very doable and I was able to concentrate on the movie as welll

....Today the head pressure and dizziness have been a lot better. I had a 2 hour window this morning ( no s/x and happy)  then out of the blue an absolute physical sense of a curtain co.I g down...exactly like a dimmer switch.  within minutes, cog fog,  spacey,  disconnected,  anxiety,  health fears and intrusive thoughts.  an hour later.  the window came back...it has cycled like that,  rapid change from window to wave ...wave to window all day. I tho k my wave is lifting and maybe I am on the upswing again...

 

Coop, hang in there. I have been thinking of you a lot these days. Anyway, in your reply I  found an answer to what I was asking about. Glad you were able to have some fun.

 

As I see it, fun is the only way to rebel to wd, to tell it to F-off.

 

Today, I am rebelling by writing and posting even though my writing is really bad . It is absurd, if I write about something that pains me my spelling gets ten time worse and I invert letters like crazy ( poor choice of words  ) and if I write about something I am cool with but not personally involved it imporves. Then, sometimes I keep erasing instead of posting, and when you do that 3 times in a row I tend to get  impationt.

 

That is discouraging, it means my brain is mush now. Or as close to mush as it will get.

 

Ignore, ignore, it will get better , just not anytime soon.

[[wh...]]

Sky..I just read your post a few pages back about the weird fear of doing normal every day things.  I had this too...like random dread and anxiety would just attach itself to thoughts about anything. I would wake up in the morning thinking " I need to run a load of laundry ".  or, "my friend is stopping by with lunch today "  and just be flooded with dread and repetive tho king about how long it would be until I needed yo put laundry in or when my friend would be coming. It would be hours away but I would have sinking crushing dread..  over unimportant things a nd things that I was looking forward to. It was never about the actual event.  the dread somehow came with the thought not the image or vision ...so weird I can not articulate it...way different than anticipatory dread. It was more like intrusive thoughts somehow...It hardly ever happens to me any more. It is a spooky s/x but it goes away. ..Feel better Sky...you are healing every day...coop

 

This dread is one of the things that bothers me the most and causes a ton of anxiety.  I'm scared when I think of doing simple everyday things....not scared of them really but scared....the dread....it's hard to explain but Coop did in the paragraph above.....

Today is bad for me....

It's a beautiful day; I'm supposed to meet my guy for lunch but I am so scared I can barely move from the couch and my laptop...

talking to you guys here is the only thing that stops me from going into panic.  There is nothing to panic about......

This will pass.  It always does.

Coop: I'm so glad you had a nice day with your grandson; sorry about the waves.....what a ride hey?

 

It seems everyone is much better at articulating the fear and anxiety; that must be the brain getting better....I see that in myself as well.....the fear is still intense but I think I know what it is at least.  Does that make sense?

[[Sk...]]

It seems everyone is much better at articulating the fear and anxiety; that must be the brain getting better....I see that in myself as well.....the fear is still intense but I think I know what it is at least.  Does that make sense?

 

WHoot, yes it does make sense, we are very fortunate and we should remember this when things get worse. Having a name to give to events like this might seem like nothing but  it is everything.

I would not have the strength to fight if there wasn't that to comfort me. It makes symptoms so much smaller and insignificant.

 

What's in a name ? Well, this time everything !

 

Whoot, have a nice time with your guy. I am driving my own baby nuts, with this wave can't wait for it to pass so I can pamper him for once !

[[Gr...]]

Wow...a LOT going on here. Every time I stay off the forum for a day I get completely lost in the posts.  I read them all and then I can not remember who wrote what post...

....HH....I am so sorry you are in such misery over the field trip with the panic attached to it. I had a panic. at the PT office 3 weeks ago and have not returned yet...I totally get it. I think which ever way you go is going to be fine. I love Peace 's take on it.. we have to care about and for ourselves and accept that we are not perfect human beings...and it is so important to model this to kids...and it sounds like you have a very good back up plan. ...In the long run HH,  either option ..wheather you go or don't go is perfectly acceptable. If you don't go its ok,  you will go next year when panics and anxiety will be long ago distant fuzzy memories. If you do go you will experience that sense of" I did this! "...and gain some more confidence...

.....I will be thinking of you tomorrow HH....wishing you peace...coop

 

Coop, so glad you did go to the movies !

 

I have a question for you. Has your wave ever abated ? In my case it takes some short breaks, I suffer a little less and then it is business as usual !

How about you ?

 

Mr Sky says maybe it is better  that I don't have any windows so the shock of them closing is not so bad but that sounds silly to me. I should not knock myself out for not having them, that is true, but it is scary and we are so easily scared these days .

 

My body is humming and humming today but last night I had a little two hour break but my cog fog is so much worse ! Oh well, this will pass, it always does and soon it will be my 11 month anniversary and that is grand !

 

Sky, I've got that same thing going on, short breaks, then back to business.  I'm trying not to let fear of "back to business" keep me from -- living without fear, I guess.  Trying really hard to consider myself a "normal" person" and not a "sick person." 

I have some errands to get to before the "business" comes back, lol. 

 

HH, hoping you made it to the field trip, hoping all is well with you

 

Everybody else, enjoy your day.

 

 

[[mi...]]

This is a quote from pamster

 

This is from Dr. Meliemis in Canada who specializes in this field

 

"Post-acute withdrawal usually lasts for 2 years. This is one of the most important things you need to remember. If you are up to the challenge you can get through this. But if you think that post acute withdrawal will only last a few mos., then you will get caught off guard....

 

How to survive Post Acute Withdrawal

 

Be patient. Two years can feel like a long time if you are in a rush to get through it. You cant hurry recovery. But you can get through it one day at a time.

If you try to rush your recovery, or resent post-acute withdrawal, or try to bulldoze your way through, you will become exhausted.

 

Post-acute withdrawal symptoms are a sign that your brain IS recovering. They are the result of your brain chemistry gradually going back to normal, Therefor dont resent them, But remember, even one year, you may only be halfway there.

 

Go with the flow. Withdrawal symptoms are uncomfortable. But the more you resent them the worse they will seem. you will have lots of good days over the next two years. Enjoy them. You will also have alot of bad days. On those days,dont try to do to much. Take care of yourself,focus on your recovery,and you will get through this.

 

You will go through days or weeks without symptoms and then one day you will wake up and your withdrawal will hit you like a ton of bricks...if you are not prepared for it, if you think post-acute withdrawal only lasts a few mos., or if you think that you will be different and it will not be as bad for you , then you will get caught off guard. But if you know what to expect you can do this.

 

Practice self care. Give yourself lots of little breaks over the next two years. Tell yourself "what I am going through is enough". Be good to yourself. That is what you MUST learn in recovery.

Sometimes you will have little energy or enthusiasm for anything. Understand this and do not overbook your life. Give yourself permission to focus on your recovery.".....

 

Another good reassurance that all of this is normal and that we will all heal....

 

Take care of yourselves everyone.....m

 

Whoot wanted to post this here and since I am practicing my copy and paste skills lol..... I thought I would give it a shot...it is very reassuring..... :yippee:

 

[[mi...]]

WhootWhoot......I did it.... :yippee: An accomplishment during w/ds.......YAY me!!!....brain is healing.....I better not get to excited I may set off the cns....

 

........m

[[Co...]]

Minnie....thank you thank thank you cutting and pasting this!!!

....I read it on the 'reassurance from professionals ' thread but I am such a fumble /Bumble I don't know how to do it.

......This will go such a long way in wading so many minds...thank you Whoot and Minnie... you have brought a lot of peace to me this....coop

[[Co...]]

Sky...yes I have had some very nice windows...recently a couple that lasted 24 hours. I have had some wonderful sunbreaks of feeling 100% healed ...an " effortless mind " as Life calls it. The 100% effortless mind is the feeling of never have been on benzos or experiencing ANY s/x....

.....It is a double edged joy. I do get the dread of knowing my s/x will most likely return and my window will close. ..Having said that it also gives me hope and encouragement that I am still the person I was before benzos wrecked my life. The problem is that in a wave I am unable to access the memory of the window...just the cognitive realization that they ocurr. ..I keep a window journal on the progress board. ( Tracking windows.....).

.....Sky...I also go easy and in a wave I only do things that are fun.  On very bad days I still shuffle between the couch and the bed and watch hours of mindless Tv...although I will say the bed days are getting much less frequent. Now at almost 11 months out ( we are really closecin our jump dates...mine is Dec 4), I can putter around the house for at least most of the day.

....I also fumble with the writing and posting. Mine are full of spelling and grammar errors and my techno skills are less than minimal. ..I also lose posts...I accidently tap the wrong key and poor! it disappears after 20 minutes of writing....its ok...we all understand..I don't even know how to cut and post.

....You are doing so good Sky....Minnie posted a quote here from Pamster ....it is a hugely encouraging quote from a physician who practices care with people recovering from w/d. ...According to the physician 's statement ....healing 100% comes along in the second year. ....I know the second year has to be easier than the first but the article has helped me feel less pressured about ' getting there ' ..that it is not only ok,  but beneficial to take the time and care to heal that it requires. I know I will see continued healing.

.. ..We are going to be ok Sky.  Coop

[[wh...]]

Thanks to Minnie for posting that....what a sweetie.  I tried but I posted it somewhere else.  that is a really good group over there too.

I went for lunch with my sweetie but felt very weird...derealization I think....and depersonalization too....

It hasn't been that bad for awhile.  Please tell me you guys had this too...I see your posts and even though you don't realize it sometimes you all sound much better.

Coop and Sky...you both do....it's hard to see.  In a wave like now I only see bad.  It feels like I have all the icky sx today....

  I'm going to curl up on the couch and watch TV....I hope this feeling passes because it's unbearable right now. 

That post made me feel both better and worse knowing I have a long way to go.  Me and my guy want to get married but I need to be over the worst of this first.  My life is just waiting for me.  I hate putting life on hold.

[[mi...]]

Your life is there Whoot.....it is just so hard to see right now.....you just need to curl up and comfort yourself the way you would if someone else was in pain......words just do not cover what we go through.....but we understand each other so well on a feeling level.....you are not alone.....we are all here for you.....I know in time we will be celebrating that wedding with you  :yippee:....

 

I am glad to hear you got out, I really believe that helps.....I have only suffered the physical stuff but I believe what my pharmacist said that anything we did not have pre benzo.....will go away....everything.....

 

Take care of yourself, beautiful things are waiting for you Whoot..... ...m

[[Sk...]]

Your life is there Whoot.....it is just so hard to see right now.....you just need to curl up and comfort yourself the way you would if someone else was in pain......words just do not cover what we go through.....but we understand each other so well on a feeling level.....you are not alone.....we are all here for you.....I know in time we will be celebrating that wedding with you  :yippee:....

 

I am glad to hear you got out, I really believe that helps.....I have only suffered the physical stuff but I believe what my pharmacist said that anything we did not have pre benzo.....will go away....everything.....

 

Take care of yourself, beautiful things are waiting for you Whoot..... ...m

 

Whoot, Minnie is right. When your thoughts get hard to bear see if you can get lost in thinking how you want that wedding dress to be, get lost in the details of it. Sounds like something  nice to look forward to !

 

I am going to bed, it has been a rough day so I wish you all a happy evening.

 

an effortless mind sounds like a great thing to look forward to!

 

[[wh...]]

Thanks Sky, Minnie, Coop...hi to all

Have a good night Sky; it's still early here.

 

An effortless mind....ahhhh.....I pray for that for all of us.

The fear is brutal right now......when it passes remind me so I remember that if it comes again it will pass again.

Just holding on today......barely.

[[mi...]]

Remember.....Whoot......one more setback is one less you will have to endure.....

 

.....m.....

[[dr...]]

Whoot-you jumped about the same time if your sig is updated.  We'll finish together along with loving mom.

[[He...]]

Oh Whoot,

I'm so sorry that you are having a rough day!  I really, really hate when the fear comes back.  Praying for you!

[[He...]]

I MADE IT!!!  I went on my field trip and I survived.  I only had to step aside one time because my anxiety was getting really high, but I was able to calm down and I was able to enjoy parts of it.  I can't say that I enjoyed all of it, but I did enjoy some parts.  YAY!! Thank you for all the encouragement and prayers.

 

The other thing that I learned was that eye drops are absorbed quite quickly into the bloodstream.  I believe that my over-the-top wave that I had this weekend was made MUCH worse by the drops.  I didn't take last night's dose, nor this morning's, and just be refraining from it helped tremendously.  Note to self:  Do NOT take anything with a steroid in it, unless absolutely necessary.  Talk about knocking my rickety stool to the ground!

[[Gr...]]

This is a quote from pamster

 

This is from Dr. Meliemis in Canada who specializes in this field

 

"Post-acute withdrawal usually lasts for 2 years. This is one of the most important things you need to remember. If you are up to the challenge you can get through this. But if you think that post acute withdrawal will only last a few mos., then you will get caught off guard....

 

How to survive Post Acute Withdrawal

 

Be patient. Two years can feel like a long time if you are in a rush to get through it. You cant hurry recovery. But you can get through it one day at a time.

If you try to rush your recovery, or resent post-acute withdrawal, or try to bulldoze your way through, you will become exhausted.

 

Post-acute withdrawal symptoms are a sign that your brain IS recovering. They are the result of your brain chemistry gradually going back to normal, Therefor dont resent them, But remember, even one year, you may only be halfway there.

 

Go with the flow. Withdrawal symptoms are uncomfortable. But the more you resent them the worse they will seem. you will have lots of good days over the next two years. Enjoy them. You will also have alot of bad days. On those days,dont try to do to much. Take care of yourself,focus on your recovery,and you will get through this.

 

You will go through days or weeks without symptoms and then one day you will wake up and your withdrawal will hit you like a ton of bricks...if you are not prepared for it, if you think post-acute withdrawal only lasts a few mos., or if you think that you will be different and it will not be as bad for you , then you will get caught off guard. But if you know what to expect you can do this.

 

Practice self care. Give yourself lots of little breaks over the next two years. Tell yourself "what I am going through is enough". Be good to yourself. That is what you MUST learn in recovery.

Sometimes you will have little energy or enthusiasm for anything. Understand this and do not overbook your life. Give yourself permission to focus on your recovery.".....

 

Another good reassurance that all of this is normal and that we will all heal....

 

Take care of yourselves everyone.....m

 

Whoot wanted to post this here and since I am practicing my copy and paste skills lol..... I thought I would give it a shot...it is very reassuring..... :yippee:

 

Minnie, Whoot, amazing, wonderful.  Thank you so much

[[Co...]]

HH.  Congratulations to you..  so glad to hear it. ..I had a sinus infection this spring in month 6 .. my physician prescribed amoxicillin....I had an immediate bad reaction to the amoxicillin and my doctor then prescribed prednizone ( steroids) to stop the reaction to the amoxicillin. The steroids were intolerable and I was taken off in 2 days. For me the steroids ( oral) caused relentless jitters,  restlessness,  insomnia and anxiety. There are often other drugs physician 's can prescribe instead of steroids which are heavy duty serious drugs, but they are immediate in their effectiveness for inflammation and pain. I would guess that some of your wave was caused by the steroids. Many people can not tolerate them. ....You are going to feel better. It took me about 2/3 days to recover from the side effects of the prednizone. ......coop