FLIP'S FREEDOM

[[pr...]]

Stillbelieving,

 

thank you so much for sharing your success with us. gives me a lot of hope. i feel i am a really bad case on here or one of the worst. i know many people feel that way. i felt like i was in a bad wave for 5 months straight. i do the EFT tapping and i also learned about The Healing Codes. if you like the EFT tapping you will really love the codes by Alex Loyd.

 

i started doing The Healing Codes at the and of April and that 5 month wave broke and i've had a little improvement to where i can finally get up for just a few hours during the day and do some errands and go for a walk. ootherwise i am still couch and house bound for the most part and it's been a little over 2 years since the c/t and 22 months since my last rescue dose.

 

i've been feeling like Causing has been feeling with the hopelessness, anger and fear. most times i feel like i could take years and years to heal because of my benzo history. i had been on benzo's once before and then somehow got off them and was off them for 7 years before i went back on for another ten years. it's really been a lifetime that i've lost due to the benzo's. i feel like i've been either on the benzo's, trying to taper, in acute withdrawal or protracted withdrawal since i was 18 years old. so about 25 years of benzo's have stolen my life. i am trying very hard to come to terms with this and accept it. but i am also still in bad withdrawal and with many symptoms so it's hard to have the kind of acceptance that comes with a balanced brain.

 

thank you again for sharing your succes story and i can't wait to read your final success story on here.

 

love, Pretty

[[wh...]]

Thank you for telling your story and helping us out.  I know I need to hear it can be done.

You are brave and giving ....all the best.  See you on the other side of this crap.

[[ca...]]

Thanks for coming here and sharing your success with us here Still...

I keep getting up and moving forward..I am going to believe  all of you that this gets better.

It has to.

 

Much love and healing to you all,

Causing

[[Fl...]]

Thank you Sally Sweets for taking the time to add your words of healing. As you can see, it has given hope to several and that is the whole point.

 

I'm so grateful that your life has been restored to you. 

Flip

[[Ho...]]

Still believing,

 

Thank you so very much for posting your very encouraging update. I have read your 20 month success story and virtually all of your blog and progress log. You have inspired me to get out there and garden this year even though I am in the throes of it at 14 months off. You are an amazing warrior! I look forward to your final success story!

[[Wo...]]

What an amazing story Flip

 

I came on looking for any new success stories and found yours instead ..

 

It brought tears from every part of my being, I hope and pray that all of us still suffering this indescribable torture will write a success story like yours real soon..

 

I'm 19 months off and worse than ever and still can't believe how much I'm suffering so far out..

 

I've lost who I really was and have just become this thing so call Woofs..

 

I hope the real ME finds he's way home soon so he can add a success story like yours..

 

Bless You

 

Woofs

[[Fl...]]

Woofs, I'm so sorry you are still suffering this far out. There doesn't seem to be a rhyme or reason to why some people heal quickly and some don't. I think I have been a medium speed healer and you apparently are going to be a slow healer. But heal  you will. We all do, as near as I can tell. Even people who have seemed hopeless to me are reporting feeling better as time goes by.

 

I'm sure you've looked at your diet and daily habits like sleep and exercise, and have tried making them all the best they can be for you at this point in your life. Beyond that,  I guess it's just time and remembering that this tunnel you are in does have an end. You can't see it because you are the dark, bendy place where no light gets in, but if someone could look down and see you in there and see that right around the corner, the light starts streaming in, you would expect them to shout out encouragement to keep moving forward.

 

That's what we do for each other, here -- we shout out the encouragement. We've been in that same tunnel and we remember what it felt like to think we were different and we were the ones who wouldn't find our way out. It is so hard to feel left behind. That's one of the hardest things, isn't it?

 

For a short while, I hesitated to keep saying how much better I feel, simply because I didn't want people to feel left behind. But being quiet is not helpful,  I decided. Better to say what's true and hopefully it will give people like you the courage to take that next drudge step forward.

 

This is a hard thing. I hope I never have to do anything in life this hard again.

 

I'm so glad you have the forum to get you through, Woofs.

Next step forward, even if it just means not giving up.

Thinking of you,

Flip

 

[[pr...]]

For a short while, I hesitated to keep saying how much better I feel, simply because I didn't want people to feel left behind.

 

i wonder how many people go through this? i kinda felt this way when i was having some improvements and was kinda afraid to post. thought i was lose all my friends if i didn't complain how bad it was.

 

well, it's kinda bad again so i guess i don't have to worry. just kidding!

 

i think the best thing we can do is tell other's how good it's getting. so they know what is in store.

 

xx

[[Fl...]]

Pretty, I think you're right that others need to know what to expect --both the good AND and bad. When we go in with eyes open, it's easier. We can fight more bravely.

 

We have no choice in this battle except to fight. We either win or lose, but we MUST fight.

 

I hope you're feeling better by now. I apologize for not getting back to you sooner; I'm still getting used to remembering to check in on this thread. I've now "notified" myself on it.

 

Flip

[[pr...]]

Hi Flip,

 

well, i am just a little better but still in and out of waves with the brain squeezing and vibrations. but it's better. i still need to rest a lot and i mean most of the day. i still can't get up and do things like i want to just yet.

 

hope you're healing even more then before.

 

pretty

[[Fl...]]

"Just a little better" is like a little sweet song, Pretty. Certainly better than "worse". Your body and brain are doing the repair work right now. I hope you can be patient with them.

 

Completely avoiding gluten would be worth the effort, I think; I know you have at least a sensitivity, if not a downright intolerance.

 

Weather, Pretty. This WILL end!

Flip

[[pr...]]

weathering Flip -- weathering!

 

yeah, i can't eat gluten for the life of me.

[[li...]]

Hi Flip

 

Thank you for your encouraging story.

 

Thanks for keeping up your success story it is so helpful to hear these.

 

Thanks and wishing you all the best in your future.

 

Lib x

[[Fl...]]

((((((Lib))))))

 

I know you still suffer enormously, especially with the pain. It must seem terribly unfair that we are about the same distance away from benzos and I am feeling well, while you are not. I don't understand why some people do better than others. It seems so unfair.

 

You've always had such a generous spirit toward others and do not seem to get caught up in the comparison trap. I heard the other day a saying I liked. "Comparison is the thief  of joy". I think you do a most excellent job of avoiding that. You so deserve to feel joy again.

 

I sincerely hope I'm on the boards the day you post that you are feeling healed and full of joy. That day WILL come, Libs, just hang on!

Flip

[[li...]]

Thanks Flip 

 

It is lovely to read your messages and than you for bringing such hope to us.

 

Love from lib x 

[[Lo...]]

 

"Comparison is the thief  of joy". I think you do a most excellent job of avoiding that. You so deserve to feel joy again.

 

 

 

Love the quote about Comparison is the thief of joy! I need to remind myself of this! Thanks! 

[[Fl...]]

It IS a good quote, LovingMother. We are each unique and we each have our own gifts to give. I guess my favorite quote in the last year or so is this one by Michael Meade --

 

Life is the battle to become ourselves, while healing our wounds, and giving our gifts.

 

Flip

[[Mo...]]

Bump.

[[Fl...]]

Today is my two year benzo free anniversary. I'm doing really well and my only remaining symptom is intermittent tinnitus. I've gone from being very sick to feeling terrific most of the time.

 

A few things are different for me. For example, I can't tolerate alcohol, I still sleep more lightly than before benzos (this could be age, too), but I do sleep around 6 hours, sometimes more.

 

Yesterday I washed windows. I'm talking about taking them apart, screens out, vacuuming and wiping off cobwebs and dust. It's the kind of icky job no one wants to do and we only do it so we can get fresh air. It took me an hour to do four windows and I was a sweaty, stinky mess. But it felt glorious to be able to do it without getting shaky, dizzy, or weak.

 

Some other improvements in the last few months:

I don't have visual disturbances.

I don't feel nauseous.

I don't get tongue tied while talking to friends.

I don't blush when talking in a group.

I'm more even and patient.

I don't have food cravings.

I sleep without a CPAP. I finally boxed it up and put it away. It's nice to have a clear nightstand for books.

And speaking of books, I'm fully able to read again and retain much, much better.

I'm regaining math skills. In fact, the GED program I tutor for uses me for it's math tutor now.

I'm doing mentoring for a woman who is still incarcerated.

I have zero interest in the entertainment of television. I don't quite understand this change. I simply don't care anymore about sitcoms and most dramas. I feel sort of ansty and bored when they are on.

 

Maybe it's age and maybe it's this desire to make up for lost time, but I find I want to be around people more and especially around people who don't mind having a meaningful conversation. I especially like my 12 step group, Emotions Anonymous. They cut to the heart of life and I love the meetings and the people. I like being outside even more than I used to. It feels so alive and real. Colors are so magnificent outside!

 

If you're reading this and feeling hopeless, please take heart. Two years ago today which was my first day off, here is what I wrote  in my journal...

 

Euphoric in an unstable way. Lunch at moms, felt so wretched. Head, chest pressure. Throat spasmodic, odd pain. Eyes brittle. Vision dim. Nausea. Migraine lights in afternoon. Heart palps, electrical sensation in neck. Hands pulling/ itching.  Tendons stinging. Rolling stomach. Minor head fog, dizziness. Numbness hands. Burning arm. Odd little heart pains. Lower right side, sharp, quick pains. Belly feels bloated. Face around mouth is itchy. Just made bed and dusted a little bit. Hands HURT!  Heart rate up a little, quivery inside. Rolling stomach. Fluttery ear sounds with directional shift. Once felt like a hot wire and a whooshing noise from right to left ear. Ache in teeth. Cold sensitive. Three migraine auras in last 24 hours. Back twingey. Feel Stroky, tongue tied, like I can't get words out. Feel panicky.

 

I've come a very long way since those days. You will, too! It really is one hour, one day, one week, one month, one year at a time.

Flip

 

 

[[...]]

Dear Flipster

 

I am so happy for you that you have got to where you are. Every time someone posts on here I always read every word. I haven't posted for fear of saying the wrong thing. I do tend to do this at times so feel it best to not say anything.

 

Your journey with your Mum brings back memories of my own. She is no longer with me. I never felt a mothers love as benzo robbed me of this. She was on benzo for many years and I only knew her as one sick lady all my life till the end of hers. To long a story to tell.

 

I so regret on not keeping a diary of what I went through so I can not look back. I feel at times that I am glad that I can not remember the past as I am still full of anger of what I have been through and no doubt many will feel the same.

 

I will not forget the times that I would pm you and you would help me with your thoughts. In a nice way of course. I will always be grateful for your kind words. Always.

 

Duckster

[[Fl...]]

Yes, DD, we did some middle of the night PMing during those dark days. 

 

I think the value in remembering is to 1) encourage others and 2) to keep us grateful for how far we've come.

 

I wonder just how many families are dysfunctional due to benzos? I'll bet it's more than we know.

 

Take care, Duckster,

Flip

[[...]]

Yes, DD, we did some middle of the night PMing during those dark days. 

 

I think the value in remembering is to 1) encourage others and 2) to keep us grateful for how far we've come.

 

I wonder just how many families are dysfunctional due to benzos? I'll bet it's more than we know.

 

Take care, Duckster,

Flip

 

So true Flipster we will never know what happens . I know what it did to my own family.

 

I know that I am grateful to how far I have come and yes although I am not fully healed.

 

I am doing more when I am able. Time is a great healer.

 

One day at a time.

 

Duckster

[[Mo...]]

It's such a great story Flip, must bump it for others.

[[Ao...]]

Thank you so very much for your story . I read it and reread. You give me hope Flip as I'm very scared often.

[[Fl...]]

There is nothing any more important than giving someone else hope. It delights me that my story does that for you!

Flip