FLIP'S FREEDOM

[[Ga...]]

Dear flip

Wow.  What a story.  It both scared me and uplifted me.  Your courage, your honesty, your suffering was beyond words.  Thank you for this absolutely wonderful story of success.  I am still suffering but nothing compared to you.  I am praying and hoping that I will heal soon.  I am older than you and so want to live the rest of my life happy.  I also have a very loving and supportive husband and I also thank BB for helping me to understand this awful healing process.  I get so weary and discouraged. Loose hope, cry and cry.

Thank you and congratulations on your amazing recovery story.  Please keep us updated on your progress and I know you will be a great therapist.  I haven't found anyone to help where I live.  Sigh.

Galea

[[el...]]

Good on you Flip! Just saw this and am so happy for you. Welcome to this side.

 

eli

[[Fl...]]

Dear flip

Wow.  What a story.  It both scared me and uplifted me.  Your courage, your honesty, your suffering was beyond words.  Thank you for this absolutely wonderful story of success.  I am still suffering but nothing compared to you.  I am praying and hoping that I will heal soon.  I am older than you and so want to live the rest of my life happy.  I also have a very loving and supportive husband and I also thank BB for helping me to understand this awful healing process.  I get so weary and discouraged. Loose hope, cry and cry.

Thank you and congratulations on your amazing recovery story.  Please keep us updated on your progress and I know you will be a great therapist.  I haven't found anyone to help where I live.  Sigh.

Galea

 

Thank you Galea, but I do not have the corner on suffering here. If anything, my journey was easier than many people's journeys, including yours, probably. I think we all tend to minimize hardship in our own lives.

 

I guess one thing that really helped me outside this place and my family was my therapist who would not rest until I had many social (and deeper) connections. Getting out there, getting exposure beyond my comfort level was truly a key piece for me. In that respect, Im a better person today than I was before benzos. I used to just walk away a lot if I was uncomfortable. Now, I have the courage to say whats true for me and to work it out with people if a solution is there.

 

I just read a thread you started about DNA testing. Very interesting. Ill be taking that info to my next doctor appointment. It would be good to know. Please also let me know if you do the testing. Id love to finally have an explanation as to why some people can get off a benzo with no problems and some take years and still struggle.

 

Many Blessings to you on your journey.

Flip

[[Fl...]]

Good on you Flip! Just saw this and am so happy for you. Welcome to this side.

 

eli

 

Thanks, Eli. The view over here is magnificent!

[[mr...]]

Wow, Flip, just wow is all I can say!

 

Yes, wow, Mrtmeo... being free is a wow, isn't it? You asked a question on my blog that Im just going to answer here. You wanted to know my worst symptom and how long did it last. I have to say its a collection of things that occur together which include the whole cog fog, DR or DP, uncertainly in public and anxiety. Let me just say I haven't felt that collection for at least a month and before that it was getting more and more sporadic where before it was constant, unrelenting, 24/7. I honestly used to go touch the trunk of a tree to see if it was real and if I was real.

Blessing on your journey.

Flip

wow, 37 months of 24/7 DP/DR, Anxitey and fog.

That is a very long time, but doesn't suprise me when it comes to klonopin.

[[Ga...]]

Dear flip

Yes, I did the genetic DNA blood test and it sure told me a lot about my body.  Out of the 9 major enzymes that metabolize drugs 5 of mine are abnormal and don't work.  It also breaks Down a lot of drugs and tells you if they are absolutely ones you should never take.  Valium was one of those for me.

It's not a cheap test but if your doctor recommends it, insurance will cover it.  It was done through Iverson labs for me out of the state of Washington.  I highly recommend it for future use.  I feel all doctors should require it before prescribing any drug, even an antibiotic.  It sure would have saved me and I'm sure many others from all this suffering.  There are many more people than we could have guessed ....look at the protracted W/d folks....who should never be given mind altering drugs or even eat mind altering food...but thats another soap box for me.  Ha ha

 

  Galea

[[Fl...]]

Thank you, Galea. This is good information to have. I see my researcher doc in May on a routine follow up and I will definitely mention it to him.

 

Thanks again,

Flip

[[ch...]]

My dearest Flip,

 

 

I want you to know that I think you are an incredible human being, and knowing you during my taper made all the difference for me and so many others.  Your support, empathy, and encouragement got me through some very difficult times. Your wisdom, sense of humor, and advice were invaluable.

 

I also admire your talent as a writer. You will always be an inspiration to me, and I truly value your friendship. I know you will be successful in your counseling career, and will make a tremendous difference in the lives that you touch, personally and professionally.

 

Love, 

Charlie

[[Fl...]]

Hi dear one,  :smitten:

 

I first met Chin, then Betsy, then Frizz, then Laura, then you back at the old place. I'm not kidding when I say a whole new way of seeing the world opened up to me because of you guys.

 

And you were special in the beginning because you were so damn sick. If I ever started feeling sorry for myself, a short conversation with you (oh, wait, that's a colossal oxymoron - there ARE no short conversations with you  ) would shift my world view 180.  It was nothing you said so much as your childlike delight in the world in spite of how your body felt, your utter engagement with people, your desire to learn from people, your Meagan Kelly voice and the way you laugh from your soul. I always felt somehow braver and stronger and more valuable and that I didn't have any problems beside what you deal with daily.

 

This is your last day of being 49, my friend. It looks like there is every chance you'll make 50. I know you remember when that number seemed like a pipe dream. I know you have a different take on it than most of us a that living until 50 is indeed worthy of a celebration. More on this on my blog. I wanted to catch you before you logged off. It's sort of special to get a visit from you these days.

 

Thank you for your friendship.

Love,

Flip

 

Oh, and I wanted to say your avatar still gives me comfort and makes me smile.

[[ch...]]

Hi dear one,  :smitten:

 

I first met Chin, then Betsy, then Frizz, then Laura, then you back at the old place. I'm not kidding when I say a whole new way of seeing the world opened up to me because of you guys.

 

And you were special in the beginning because you were so damn sick. If I ever started feeling sorry for myself, a short conversation with you (oh, wait, that's a colossal oxymoron - there ARE no short conversations with you  ) would shift my world view 180.  It was nothing you said so much as your childlike delight in the world in spite of how your body felt, your utter engagement with people, your desire to learn from people, your Meagan Kelly voice and the way you laugh from your soul. I always felt somehow braver and stronger and more valuable and that I didn't have any problems beside what you deal with daily.

 

This is your last day of being 49, my friend. It looks like there is every chance you'll make 50. I know you remember when that number seemed like a pipe dream. I know you have a different take on it than most of us a that living until 50 is indeed worthy of a celebration. More on this on my blog. I wanted to catch you before you logged off. It's sort of special to get a visit from you these days.

 

Thank you for your friendship.

Love,

Flip

 

Oh, and I wanted to say your avatar still gives me comfort and makes me smile.

 

You just made me cry, Flippy!  :'( You have always touched my soul.   Pippa is on my chest reading your post.  She wanted to say hello...

 

http://i1268.photobucket.com/albums/jj561/charlie3912/f48740cea838370ccb2c81705b67b209.jpg

 

 

 

Charlie

[[Fl...]]

She is GORGEOUS! 

[[ch...]]

She is GORGEOUS! 

 

 

And a little gangster. . She bosses poor Roo around all day!   Roo wanted to say hello, too...

 

http://i1268.photobucket.com/albums/jj561/charlie3912/9ce9212fef73e32a33ea32923413e92c.jpg

 

Charlie, Roo, and Pippa :smitten:

[[Fl...]]

Awwwww...so adorable.

 

I can't believe Pippa is a gangster. She's entirely too cute to be bossy! Poor Roo.

 

I have class tonight and a million things to before that, so I'll sign out for now. It might take me a week to answer everyone, but I will.

 

Charlie, are we celebrating your birthday on the blog tomorrow? 

[[ch...]]

Awwwww...so adorable.

 

I can't believe Pippa is a gangster. She's entirely too cute to be bossy! Poor Roo.

 

I have class tonight and a million things to before that, so I'll sign out for now. It might take me a week to answer everyone, but I will.

 

Charlie, are we celebrating your birthday on the blog tomorrow? 

 

Wednesday is the big day.  Ugh.

[[Ga...]]

Charlie39

So cute puppies.  Wondering how do I download photos BB?  I haven't a clue.  Any suggestions?

Thank you so much.  Or, anyone else who can help, would so appreciate it.

Galea

[[Fl...]]

Galen, I don't know how either and Charlie doesn't come on very often. Try looking at this thread and it might give you some ideas.

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=10565.msg294513#msg294513

 

[[ch...]]

Charlie39

So cute puppies.  Wondering how do I download photos BB?  I haven't a clue.  Any suggestions?

Thank you so much.  Or, anyone else who can help, would so appreciate it.

Galea

 

Hi Galea,

 

Download free photobucket, upload your picture, copy Img code, paste in the text of your message.

Try this and see if it works. I'll give you more detailed instructions if this doesn't work.

 

Charlie

[[ch...]]

Galen, I don't know how either and Charlie doesn't come on very often. Try looking at this thread and it might give you some ideas.

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=10565.msg294513#msg294513

 

 

width=500 height=365http://i1268.photobucket.com/albums/jj561/charlie3912/warhol_hamburger[1]_zps48878fbe.gif[/img]

 

 

Charlie

[[la...]]

She is GORGEOUS! 

 

 

And a little gangster. . She bosses poor Roo around all day!   Roo wanted to say hello, too...

 

http://i1268.photobucket.com/albums/jj561/charlie3912/9ce9212fef73e32a33ea32923413e92c.jpg

 

Charlie, Roo, and Pippa :smitten:

 

OMG just Too cute!!!!!!!!

 

Love you Charlie girl.

Laura

[[ch...]]

She is GORGEOUS! 

 

 

And a little gangster. . She bosses poor Roo around all day!   Roo wanted to say hello, too...

 

http://i1268.photobucket.com/albums/jj561/charlie3912/9ce9212fef73e32a33ea32923413e92c.jpg

 

Charlie, Roo, and Pippa :smitten:

 

OMG just Too cute!!!!!!!!

 

Love you Charlie girl.

Laura

 

Hey Laura!!!  :yippee:

 

How are you?!!!!!!!

 

 

Charlie :smitten:

[[ih...]]

Have just read this. Made me cry.

Flip, you are a hero & your future clients will be blessed beyond measure to have you as their therapist.

 

:smitten: :smitten:

[[Fl...]]

Oh, Ihope, thank you for saying that. Just home from a class and feeling a little old and uncertain.  :'( It will pass. 

 

I have this card I made as a textbook marker. It says "Live a passionate, imaginative, meaningful life up to the last moment". I really hold onto that. I think it's a good goal.

 

I'm so glad you are feeling mostly recovered Ihope. Isn't it just the most amazing thing?

Flip

[[pr...]]

Symptoms during the taper were truly brutal but they were nothing compared to not knowing what was wrong with me. I slowly began to want to live. Perhaps the biggest miracle of all was making deep connections on this and the other forum. I started laughing again. I would be up in the middle of the night, huddling in my recliner, sweating, fish heart flopping, feeling like I just might die, and one of my friends would post something that would make me laugh out loud. They probably saved my life. We were all going through the same things and we all chose distraction to get through. Of course there were also many moments of profound sharing and deep insight among us that got me through. That time is easily in the top ten most valuable things that has ever happened to me in my life, not just in my benzo years. I won't attempt to name everyone. If my friends are reading this, you know and you remember how sacred our bond was and is. I humbly thank you.

 

Flip,

 

in reading your whole succes story made me tear up and cry when i haven't been able to do that for 23 months now except when something moves me in movies and ot a sitcom. i am so happy for your healing and what especially made me tear up is the paragraph above!

 

i've been in one of the most horrible waves ever and feels like acute here at 23 months but reading your words that are so eloquently written and so easy too have calmed down my very revving and erractic brain. you're a great writer! very interesting and i really hope your dreams of becoming a therapist come true. and i also loved what you said to M "if i hold the mirror just right -- you're grateful for this experience" or something to that effect. thank you so much for posting your story!

 

it really helped me tonight as i went through many of the same things you did right after i did this last c/t.

 

and Charlie, your doggies are quite adorable! which one is the bossy one?

 

love, pretty

[[Fl...]]

Awww, Pretty, I'm sorry you're in a wave that feels like acute. That has to be so demoralizing for you.  :'(

 

I looked at your signature and wondered just how much the suboxone might be playing into it, especially the kindling part. I know you also struggle with finding the right diet that makes you feel optimal. Diet is a difficult thing. I really think we are all so different in that regard as well. What works for one does not work for another, not always. That's one reason I didn't put my diet in the success story...it's just so individual. I do find that my well being is directly related to what I put in my mouth though.

 

Sometimes I sort of lose my way. I think I start getting cocky and take a few chances, then pay for it.

 

What I hear most in your words is your longing for deep connection. In my opinion, you're in one of the best places on earth to get that, especially considering your out and about limitations right now. We all need to be seen and valued. I think 90% of life is about connection and relationships. I mean face it, if we were alone on this planet, nothing else would matter. It all comes down to that "I'm not ok, deep down". When I feel connected, my body feels better. I'll always be grateful for my connections here, you among them, Pretty, and also grateful for the way Dr BB has really sort of forced me to get out there even when I felt crappy. There was one time at an EA meeting where I even told them I felt like I wasn't even real. They didn't quite know what to do with that and no one tried to fix me, but they accepted me. And that not real feeling went away.

 

Hoping this passes for you very soon, Pretty. I think it's a very good sign that you teared up. 

Flip

[[Be...]]

 

What I hear most in your words is your longing for deep connection. In my opinion, you're in one of the best places on earth to get that, especially considering your out and about limitations right now. We all need to be seen and valued. I think 90% of life is about connection and relationships. I mean face it, if we were alone on this planet, nothing else would matter. It all comes down to that "I'm not ok, deep down". When I feel connected, my body feels better. I'll always be grateful for my connections here, you among them, Pretty, and also grateful for the way Dr BB has really sort of forced me to get out there even when I felt crappy. There was one time at an EA meeting where I even told them I felt like I wasn't even real. They didn't quite know what to do with that and no one tried to fix me, but they accepted me. And that not real feeling went away.

 

Flip

 

 

I agree, Flip.  And Pretty, I know this is not about me, but when you write, I do feel connected to you.  That means you're getting through.  Your words ring true to me. 

 

Gotta keep talking.