FLIP'S FREEDOM

[[...]]

Hello dear Flipster

 

I was told to get my ass over here and read your success story and am so glad that I have read it. You have always been honest with me always and I thank you for that

 

The times I have pm you and you spend your precious time replying this is what I call a friend.

 

Tears were rolling down my face as I read this and thought to myself okay Duck if a dolphin can have a life after what she went through then so can I. It is still early days for me but I have noticed things do get better. And after reading what you wrote well you have said it all.

 

I have always said that we look up to you dear Flipster it is because she is so tall well taller than me. And was I right after reading what others have wrote.

 

So I thank you for being here not just for me but all of us from my heart.

 

Duckster

 

Hey Duckster - it's good to see you beginning to play around on the forum. Just think how far you've come in the last year! You are getting there, friend.

 

Alas, though, I'll always be taller than you! Well, unless I get osteoporosis! Yikes!

 

Hang in there Duck.

 

Flip

 

Hello Flipster

 

Duckster here sorry I am late replying Mr. Duckster has been off work the past two days and things to do and all that.

 

Funny you should mention you will always being taller than me. Well I won't be growing any more but I may shrink as I get older because I have actually got osteoporosis .  So I may become a lame Duck at some point who knows. I  am still hanging on as much as I can oh wise one

 

Duckster

[[St...]]

My dear Flip,

 

No matter how many times I read your success story it still has such an impact to me.  It truly is a victory, not only for you but obviously from all the responses you are getting - it is for so many.  Thank you for writing your story - it will help so many people over the years to come. I'm sure it will be one of the ones that people turn to often when in need of encouragement. Please share your story with your drs and Dr Blackbelt.  It is so well written - a true testament of what happened to you and what you were able to overcome.

 

You are an awesome lady Flip.  You are definitely a beacon shining through with hope for anyone that is struggling during this journey.  I know you were there for many so many times over the pass 2 1/2 years.  I so appreciate and treasure your friendship.  It has been pure encouragement to see you healing and knowing I would also. 

 

I know you aren't finished with your healing 100% - I feel you will be even better this time next year.  I can't wait to see how you are living life then. 

 

Have a wonderful Spring - as we said Sunday when talking - it does feel like we are waking up and noticing the simple pleasures in life.  That is exactly what we are doing.  I just finished weeding a garden in front of my house today.  It was the most rewarding feeling to do something so basic in life. At one time - for over 10 years I was just too ill to be able to do it, now it comes easily and gives me such pleasure. I plan to head out back and weed there also. Then I'll head to the nursery and buy flowers - I haven't done that in over 10 years.  Those pills took so much pleasure out of our lives, but it isn't forever is it my dear friend.

 

Benzos aren't forever - not their damage - not the recovery.  We do heal and live life again.

 

Love you dearly,

Sweets 

[[Ti...]]

So well written Flip.  I really enjoyed reading your Success Story.  You have overcome countless obstacles and should be very proud of yourself.  I wish you all the best in your future endeavors.  I also thank you for the support you have offered me here on the forum.  You would make an excellent counselor

 

Tina 

[[Po...]]

Thank you so much for posting your inspiring story.  It gives me hope when my eye is healed that I can continue.  Bless you dear lady.

 

Hugs,

Popcornlady

[[Fl...]]

Funny you should mention you will always being taller than me. Well I won't be growing any more but I may shrink as I get older because I have actually got osteoporosis  .  So I may become a lame Duck at some point who knows. I  am still hanging on as much as I can oh wise one

 

I'm really sorry to hear that, Duckster. I hope the doctors will be able to address the osteoporosis before it gets too bad. My poor mom also suffers from this and she has shrunk in the last decade. Not too much before she was 80, though.

 

Wishing you well,

Flip

[[Fl...]]

My dear Flip,

 

No matter how many times I read your success story it still has such an impact to me.  It truly is a victory, not only for you but obviously from all the responses you are getting - it is for so many.  Thank you for writing your story - it will help so many people over the years to come. I'm sure it will be one of the ones that people turn to often when in need of encouragement. Please share your story with your drs and Dr Blackbelt.  It is so well written - a true testament of what happened to you and what you were able to overcome.

 

You are an awesome lady Flip.  You are definitely a beacon shining through with hope for anyone that is struggling during this journey.  I know you were there for many so many times over the pass 2 1/2 years.  I so appreciate and treasure your friendship.  It has been pure encouragement to see you healing and knowing I would also. 

 

I know you aren't finished with your healing 100% - I feel you will be even better this time next year.  I can't wait to see how you are living life then. 

 

Have a wonderful Spring - as we said Sunday when talking - it does feel like we are waking up and noticing the simple pleasures in life.  That is exactly what we are doing.  I just finished weeding a garden in front of my house today.  It was the most rewarding feeling to do something so basic in life. At one time - for over 10 years I was just too ill to be able to do it, now it comes easily and gives me such pleasure. I plan to head out back and weed there also. Then I'll head to the nursery and buy flowers - I haven't done that in over 10 years.  Those pills took so much pleasure out of our lives, but it isn't forever is it my dear friend.

 

Benzos aren't forever - not their damage - not the recovery.  We do heal and live life again.

 

Love you dearly,

Sweets 

 

Thanks, Sweets. It's so great that you got out and weeded and now feel the urge to plant living things. It's testament to the life within you. New life!

 

I'm not sure doctors are interested in my story. I will share gladly if they are. Dr BB might be. I think he would agree with you that I'm not 100% healed. I think he still seems a touch of anxiety and depression. He requires much. Sometimes I'm a little confused by it. All part of healing, I guess.

 

Thank you for your support, friend. It means a lot.

Flip

[[Fl...]]

So well written Flip.  I really enjoyed reading your Success Story.  You have overcome countless obstacles and should be very proud of yourself.  I wish you all the best in your future endeavors.  I also thank you for the support you have offered me here on the forum.  You would make an excellent counselor

 

Tina 

 

Hi Tina.

I just want to say that supporting you (the limited amount I've done) has been effortless. You are a very quick study and you take things to heart so easily. We are almost exactly a year apart in our jump dates. I hope by this time next year, you are feeling full healing!

Flip

[[Fl...]]

Thank you so much for posting your inspiring story.  It gives me hope when my eye is healed that I can continue.  Bless you dear lady.

 

Hugs,

Popcornlady

 

Thank you, Popcornlady!

 

You have had quite the journey with benzos and then eye problems. I absolutely know you will heal from benzos. Just keep on as you do. You have great patience and fortitude. Those two things do serve us in this, don't they?

Blessing to you.

Flip

[[Fl...]]

I am bawling....I am so happy for you. And even though it seems so far away I am hopeful for my future without benzos. Thank you for being the kind and open-hearted person you are and for sticking around to support others.

 

Blessings on your new life!

Emily

 

Emily, I know it seems like a long time away that your taper will be ended and you'll be on the road to full recovery. Just remember that the journey itself also matters a lot. There is much to learn in these dark times. I am realizing that we are best served by subtraction rather than addition. Get off benzos, keep life simple, take time to see what's in front of us, even in the taper. The most important addition we can make is in relationships. They are so important.

Wishing you a smooth taper and much hope.

Flip

[[Fl...]]

Dear Flip,

  Months ago I reached out to you as I was having a tough time with the final stages of my taper. You responded with gentle words reassuring me I would be able to complete the task and be well. I will never forget your kindness.

  Reading your story today is like the next step...first you took my hand and walked with me and now you are letting it go, again telling me I will be fine. I am so happy for you Flip. Thank you for telling your honest and inspiring story. It gives us hope.

  Good luck as you complete your studies and move forward.

Warmly,

Carita

 

 

Thank you, Carita

 

I remember those early days. Look how far you have come! You are getting so close, and your taper looks clean and steady. I hope you're feeling as well as you can given what you're going through.

 

Life awaits!

Flip

[[Fl...]]

See...I told you that we didn't need the Mayans to heal!  I told you!  So happy for you, my dear Flippister.  "You've come a long way, baby!"

 

:smitten: :smitten:

 

Donna, you made me laugh harder than I ever had in my life when you mistakenly posted a little rant in the wrong place. I remember finding it, pm'ing you and asking you if you really meant to do that. I think your reply was "Holy Crap" or something similar. I read it to Mr Flip and he finally had to take my iPad away and read it for himself - I was laughing too hard.

 

The Mayans let us down, didn't they? That was so much fun. That was easily 20 hours of distraction. Thanks for that. And now your new book is out on kindle. I'm so proud of you!

Flip

[[Fl...]]

Flip,

Beautifully written from the heart.  I am so happy for you and grateful we met. 

love,

Flutter

 

Flutter, you are such a steady friend. I'm also so happy and grateful we met. You do enrich my life.

Flip

[[Fl...]]

For all of us who have followed behind, thanks for taking the time to write a very encouraging success story! They are lifelines on bad days and keep us moving forward as patiently as possible.

Well done!

 

Hi Cigre4,

 

Congratulations  for getting off benzos and for working harder than ever on your recovery. I felt the same way as you. I felt like I needed to do everything possible to help myself heal. I went on a very industrious healing diet which I think helped a lot. I started moving more, as in riding my bike and walking. And a I started spending some time in a spiritual practice, mostly just letting my mind be still.

 

I was reading this thing recently that says we all need a positive addiction, whether it be exercise, meditation, or really anything that enriches our lives that we feel like we can't live without. I think that's very true.

Be patient and keep working at it and I sincerely believe it won't be very long before you see that glorious clear space.

Flip

[[Ho...]]

I have read your story about 6 times already! I am amazed at all you have been through and are alive and smiling! It is another reason I must go on, another story to hold onto. I am 12 months off a very rapid 3 month taper of 1.5 mg K. I have not seen an improvement in baseline at all and am so very discouraged. Your story makes me think, "if she did it so can I!" I am still home bound and bed bound much of the time......symptoms overwhelm.

 

I had many questions but read your progress log and found my answers. You DID want to die.....the depression was that bad. You DID have deep DR......you were very dis-connected from all around you. You couldn't drive, clean or care about much of anything at all just like me.....just sitting and staring for hours.... and you are much better, enjoying life. You were THAT BAD and are now better.....it truly seems impossible. Did it seem impossible to you?

 

I noticed in your log you mentioned boatiness. This is my absolute worst physical symptom. I do not find many mentioning it. Mine is so severe it pushes and pulls me around and I have to hold onto things, Was yours like that? No break for 9 months at all.

 

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your faithfulness and commitment to this forum. You are a very special person!

[[Fl...]]

    I'm so happy to read your success story Flippy, you've encouraged me and kept my head above water so many times and I'm eternally grateful for that. 

 

 

"Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light."

Helen Keller

 

Love,

 

Molly :smitten: :smitten:

 

 

 

 

 

 

What a great quote that is, Molly Bond. Thank you. I'm going to lift that and use it often. It really fits here, doesn't it. And YOU, Ms Molly have been such a hoot on the party thread. You were living in your dungeon, remember? Those dark days were actually so great! I still laugh.

I hope life is amazing for you now, my friend.

Flip

[[Bu...]]

Congratulations Flip! I don't post often here because I'm fortunate that my (unending) taper is (mostly) tolerable, but it's stories like yours that keep me coming back to read success stories over this 2+ year taper. It just takes my breath away when I read stories like yours that make my 10 year life-stealing benzo odyssey/nightmare look easy.

 

I LOVE that you are thinking of becoming a therapist for those in recovery. How about a kickstarter campaign to fund your education? I'm sure those of us who are not yet financially disabled from this mess would chip in! Man oh man, does the world need more in the medical profession who are benzo-wise!!

 

Best wishes to you on a most wonderful benzo-free life!

 

 

[[Fl...]]

I have read your story about 6 times already! I am amazed at all you have been through and are alive and smiling! It is another reason I must go on, another story to hold onto. I am 12 months off a very rapid 3 month taper of 1.5 mg K. I have not seen an improvement in baseline at all and am so very discouraged. Your story makes me think, "if she did it so can I!" I am still home bound and bed bound much of the time......symptoms overwhelm.

 

I had many questions but read your progress log and found my answers. You DID want to die.....the depression was that bad. You DID have deep DR......you were very dis-connected from all around you. You couldn't drive, clean or care about much of anything at all just like me.....just sitting and staring for hours.... and you are much better, enjoying life. You were THAT BAD and are now better.....it truly seems impossible. Did it seem impossible to you?

 

I noticed in your log you mentioned boatiness. This is my absolute worst physical symptom. I do not find many mentioning it. Mine is so severe it pushes and pulls me around and I have to hold onto things, Was yours like that? No break for 9 months at all.

 

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your faithfulness and commitment to this forum. You are a very special person!

 

Oh, Hopeful-One,

 

My heart just breaks for you. I remember so clearly how it felt to be where you are. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. It will probably be the hardest thing you've ever done, too.

 

Yes, in the beginning it seemed impossible. I think hearing that other people had healed kept me going. I always thought I was probably way worse than everyone else (I think we all think that) and that I truly had some horrible disease and was slowly rotting away inside.  When those Lupus numbers came back so high, the doctor told me she usually had to guess but with me she was certain it was Lupus. I wanted to go ahead and die that day and I think my taper was over by then.

 

I had the advantage of being in therapy. When I say transformational experience, I really mean it. I went from a mostly self absorbed victim to whatever it is that I am today. I got very lucky in my therapist who just truly got where I was and guided me through. It was almost never pleasant and certainly never easy, but it's exactly what I needed to grow as a human. I know therapy is not for everyone, and when you are bed bound, it's practically impossible to get yourself up and keep an appointment while you look for someone who gets it. But if it seems like something you might feel drawn toward, I'd really encourage it.

 

On the boatiness, no. Mine wasn't as bad as what you describe. It was right out of detox, but the worst of it went away when I reinstated. I still bumped into walls and doors for a while and certainly couldn't close my eyes in the shower. Washing my hair in the shower was out of the question. Well, I did it a few times, but I had to stand facing the water, hold on the the walls and Mr Flip would wash my hair. I would go weeks between hair washings and days between showers.

 

This may seem funny, well, it is  funny...I hadn't shaved my armpits for so long we were joking about how I had rodents under my arms. Legs, too. When I finally shaved, I took a pan of water and a razor to the patio and shaved outside so I wouldn't have to clean the tub. And that was like a huge victory for me. It was a really big deal in my life to get that done.

 

It was connecting to people here who understood what was happening to me that saved me, I think. I hope you have good connections here, Hopeful-One. If you don't, come to my Free Flipper blog and meet all the lovely buddies who frequent it. Or stay here. Yes, this is a success thread, but when you need support, that's what you should have.

 

You might have a longer go of it than I did, simply because of the abrupt discontinuation. But we all heal. Even some of the very toughest cases here are reporting incremental healing. Our buddy Stillbelieving was really bad for a very long time. Today, she weeded and made ready to plant flowers. You might consider connecting with her.

 

We are all in this together. This forum is a lifesaver. Please just don't expect a lot from yourself right now. Your body and nervous system has been severely shocked and it's simply going to take time to recover. Around here, we have equated it to weathering a storm. We talk about how cows will turn their rumps to the wind and snow and just endure until it is over. I held that image a lot and it helped. I often told myself "I'm not doing nothing...I'm weathering...I'm healing".

 

Just hang on, OK? We will help you through this.

Flip

[[Fl...]]

Congratulations Flip! I don't post often here because I'm fortunate that my (unending) taper is (mostly) tolerable, but it's stories like yours that keep me coming back to read success stories over this 2+ year taper. It just takes my breath away when I read stories like yours that make my 10 year life-stealing benzo odyssey/nightmare look easy.

 

I LOVE that you are thinking of becoming a therapist for those in recovery. How about a kickstarter campaign to fund your education? I'm sure those of us who are not yet financially disabled from this mess would chip in! Man oh man, does the world need more in the medical profession who are benzo-wise!!

 

Best wishes to you on a most wonderful benzo-free life!

 

 

 

What a very nice thought, Bubbles and I thank you. But Im going to be fine. I'm getting some help from Vocational Rehabilitation with a partial tuition subsidy and full books and full mileage. Plus I qualify for a small scholarship every year. And you know, it feels sort of good to really have to want this bad enough that I'm willing to go back to being a poor student. There is something redeeming it that.

 

I have 3 hours down! Just 57 to go!

 

And please know that my journey is NOT worse than yours or anyone's. I just talk about it a lot and so people can see my whole story. I feel certain if any one of us sat down and wrote it all out, the world would be amazed. We are all going down the same path.

 

Wishing you only the best, Bubbles,

Flip

[[...]]

Funny you should mention you will always being taller than me. Well I won't be growing any more but I may shrink as I get older because I have actually got osteoporosis  .  So I may become a lame Duck at some point who knows. I  am still hanging on as much as I can oh wise one

 

I'm really sorry to hear that, Duckster. I hope the doctors will be able to address the osteoporosis before it gets too bad. My poor mom also suffers from this and she has shrunk in the last decade. Not too much before she was 80, though.

 

Wishing you well,

Flip

 

Thank you Flipster

 

Well this will make you  my doctor is refusing to prescribe a tablet for the genuine sort which I know that I was okay taking. Although my bones are pretty bad. Instead she prescribes a generic cheaper version which when I queried why the generic version she said because of the cost issue. Yet she offered some time back to prescribe sleeping tablets so which of the two is the better solution to a problem.

 

No need to reply Flipster this is your space just wanted to reply in case I get my feathers ruffled

 

Duckster

 

[[Ho...]]

Dear Flip,

 

I have been on this forum for a year now and I feel embraced by you like none other......taken under your wing so to speak, I am tearing up. I have not figured out how to make the deep connections you and your friends seem to have. I have started a blog and have had a few visitors and return the favor, but not enough.

 

Sometimes I feel I struggle so very much with almost no improvement this far out I feel posting my pain will scare others. Other times I just don't know what to say anymore.......nothing changes......ever. sometiimes the depression is so very deep I cannot move.........forget being social. It is a mix of things that keeps me from connecting fully here, mostly. I just don't know how. I am so isolated and lonely and despairing. I cannot believe depression can actually immobilive you but it does, I am scared.

 

Enough whining on your success thread! I got carried away and am sorry. I will visit your blog for support. Maybe I will find friends there.

[[la...]]

She is GORGEOUS! 

 

 

And a little gangster. . She bosses poor Roo around all day!   Roo wanted to say hello, too...

 

http://i1268.photobucket.com/albums/jj561/charlie3912/9ce9212fef73e32a33ea32923413e92c.jpg

 

Charlie, Roo, and Pippa :smitten:

 

OMG just Too cute!!!!!!!!

 

Love you Charlie girl.

Laura

 

Hey Laura!!!  :yippee:

 

How are you?!!!!!!!

 

 

Charlie :smitten:

 

Hi Charlie girl  :smitten:

 

I'm doing great, tired for the long day but feeling awesome. I love love the faces of your babies. I really could eat them up and I'm not a dog person  . I'm happy they keep you happy!!!

 

I have a baby too, her name is Sophie Lu. She is a blonde, long hair beautiful Kittie that kept me very busy during the summer but has helped me a lot to deal with missing Geronimo.

 

I hope you are doing well honey. I miss you a lot.

 

Love, hugs and a chin rub for those adorable babies 

 

Laura.

 

PS: Sorry Flip for highjacking your page but I there is not other place to find Charlie  Love for you too. I'm so proud of you

[[pr...]]

 

What I hear most in your words is your longing for deep connection. In my opinion, you're in one of the best places on earth to get that, especially considering your out and about limitations right now. We all need to be seen and valued. I think 90% of life is about connection and relationships. I mean face it, if we were alone on this planet, nothing else would matter. It all comes down to that "I'm not ok, deep down". When I feel connected, my body feels better. I'll always be grateful for my connections here, you among them, Pretty, and also grateful for the way Dr BB has really sort of forced me to get out there even when I felt crappy. There was one time at an EA meeting where I even told them I felt like I wasn't even real. They didn't quite know what to do with that and no one tried to fix me, but they accepted me. And that not real feeling went away.

 

Flip

 

 

I agree, Flip.  And Pretty, I know this is not about me, but when you write, I do feel connected to you.  That means you're getting through.  Your words ring true to me. 

 

Gotta keep talking.     

 

 

thank you both Flip and Beau

 

Flip, i like what you said to Hopeful-one "I'm not doing nothing...I'm weathering...I'm healing".

 

and that is still what i am doing. Hopeful, i still have the boatiness although hesitant to say that to you since i am so much further out but i did notice at the 17th month mark that the boatiness lessened just a little each day -- so it most definitely will and it has lessened a lot for me here at the 23 month mark. but i'm still waving it.

[[Mo...]]

Bump.

[[Ch...]]

I am so happy for you Flip and proud to have shared your incredible journey.

 

I remember back on the TRAP when we hadn't known each other for very long, and you ended up in the hospital.

 

The situation seemed very grave, I think we were all afraid we would lose you. On an impulse I posted these words on your page:

 

"I love you Flip."

 

I remember when you posted back that you loved me too and I have carried that special moment around in my heart for 3 years now.

 

I love you my friend and share with you this joyful moment.

 

Always,

Lulu

[[Fl...]]

I remember that very well, LuluChin. I was very scared and not feeling like a part of anything. I was new to the forum and yours were the first words of acceptance and love. I think I started feeling a part of Trap that very night. Thank you for that.

 

We've come many miles together, haven't we? Many tears and much laughter and more than a little confusion at times.

 

Thank you for celebrating with me.

I love you, too.

Flip