~~The Bedridden Club~~

[[Fr...]]

Hi how is everyone this holiday weekend? I went to the ER last night and was diagnosed with covid. It’s difficult to have virus on top of normal bed bound benzo withdrawal. I am feeling very scared. Drinking fluids and resting like I always do.

[[La...]]

What!!!,… COVID! Wow fruity. I’m so sorry. Please rest up as much as you can. No wonder you’ve been feeling so terrible. Please try not to be scared sweetie. Stay calm. Easier said than done I know. If you stress over it, it’ll make you worse. Please keep me posted. Big hugs and may you have a speedy recovery

[[Di...]]

Fruitypop,

Bless your heart!!!  No wonder you have been so sick.  Take care of yourself.

Hugs❤

[[Fr...]]

Thank you all. Trying to breath. I keep dry heaving and then violently peeing myself snd the bed. I have lost all dignity my poor husband. I think I need to move up to adult diaper because it’s getting to much to change sheets and clothes several times a day. I do where some poise pads but they are to small. My fever is 102.6. I have been taking meds and it doesn’t take it down so I am going g to try and they the fever kill the virus for a while.

[[sa...]]

Hi how is everyone this holiday weekend? I went to the ER last night and was diagnosed with covid. It’s difficult to have virus on top of normal bed bound benzo withdrawal. I am feeling very scared. Drinking fluids and resting like I always do.

 

I'm just so sorry about this!  Covid is the last thing you needed right now.  Please feel free to DM me if you need extra support through this.  It seems several other BBs besides me have had Covid and they all got better faster than me.  So hopefully you will be one of those that kicks it pretty quickly!  I know it's awfully rough having a nasty virus on top of withdrawal. 

[[Be...]]

FruityPop, what are your COVID symptoms?  I've got chest congestion and wheezing in my chest and keep sneezing and have a bit of a stuffed up nose, but then I do smoke cigarettes a bit too.  I think that I've just got a bit of cold and that's all. I also have to wear incontinence pads, but only if I go out driving someplace.  My friend got me some Prevail ones today.  16 of them.  It's so humiliating.  I don't wear underpants at night or to sleep now, so if I feel an incontinence problem coming on, I won't soil my underpants.  Maybe you can stop wearing underpants in the evening and in bed.   

[[La...]]

Also Fruity you can line your bed with plastic or absorbent pads like puppy training pads. Just an idea. Please don’t be embarrassed. You are very sick. Big hugs to you.

[[sa...]]

Thank you all. Trying to breath. I keep dry heaving and then violently peeing myself snd the bed. I have lost all dignity my poor husband. I think I need to move up to adult diaper because it’s getting to much to change sheets and clothes several times a day. I do where some poise pads but they are to small. My fever is 102.6. I have been taking meds and it doesn’t take it down so I am going g to try and they the fever kill the virus for a while.

 

Loss of bladder control is common during Covid, don't be embarrassed.  I had it and I had to wear pads until it got better.  A cool cloth or an ice pack on the back of your neck might help you feel better.  It really helped me when I was sick.  Seems to calm down the CNS a bit. 

[[ho...]]

Hi BB’s. I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving.  I stayed home. 

 

Fruitie- So sorry that you have COVID. I would suggest all kinds of supplements (you probably know them all) but you might not be able to keep them down.  If possible, high doses of vitamin C AA/crystal powder in juice ( I like Aloe Vera juice ) like 2000mg every 2hours, or more if you can tolerate it.  Sending Prayer’s.

 

Marie

[[ho...]]

Marie I hope your weekend was good too. Mine was decent at times and a little rough. Being bedridden of course I didn’t do anything but just try to do what I could. I managed to sponge bathe by myself and walked a little bit. So that’s an accomplishment. I’m wondering if I should push myself a bit more. The problem is that my physical symptoms don’t give me much room to do that. So I feel trapped. I even considered starting up physical therapy again but how can I do that if I can’t even walk much or stand long. So I’m going to start today with some bed exercises. I was doing those but waves have been kicking my butt so I couldn’t.

I completely understand about your fatigue issue. I also understand about your family not getting it. Mine don’t either except for one of my DILs. She gets it because she has come over to help me off and on and seen it for herself. Scared her so bad. She’s angry that my family treats me like this when I need help the most plus I’m going through a divorce on top of this. I’m alone. I’m usually positive about it all but today it’s really bothering me. But I’ll share with you what helps me to deal with my family. I leave them be. To think what they want. I accepted that I can’t make them show me love and support. The ones who help me sometimes I’m grateful for that. I’m in such bad physical shape that I had to hire a caregiver. Embrace those who are there for you in whatever capacity they give. Because the stress of being upset over the ones who don’t isn’t worth making us feel worse. Doing this is very hard especially if it’s our own children that don’t call, don’t text, don’t come visit, etc. wow it does hurt! But, it is what it is. I’ve got to keep my focus on my healing above all that. I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with this issue as well. Sending you big hugs. I’m glad we at least have each other here.

 

Hi- Oh this was so touching and made me cry.  I know you understand.  I feel so bad that you are going through a divorce right now.  Of all times, this is just one of the worst times……I am so glad you have and understanding DIL.  There is validation in that.  I understand about the exercise and PT.  I am struggling with my exercise and I may have to go to PT too, and I don’t honestly know how I am going to do it….ugh.  I may have to hold if it comes down to it.  My partner has been very patient with me, but I think he is losing patience.  I don’t blame him……I haven’t been very productive lately.  But in my defense, on top of not holding and continuing to cut, they changed my brand and I could feel it….My doctor explained today that per the FDA that with generics they can have a 10-15% variation, and that is acceptable.  Well with this benzo taper, that can be like adding on a CUT!!!  So he called in my pharmacy and they can get the other brand, and I should have it by tomorrow, and that brand should only be filled moving forward.  If there is a problem, I may need to find another pharmacy.  Anyway, I need to find my mojo again.

 

I hope you were able to start your exercises in your bed, and walk some more.  I know if we can stay in motion, we will have a better chance.  It is just so hard, when we absolutely are fatigued.  I guess we both need to try and push ourselves ….we can support each other on that It truly is wonderful to have you as my friend here and all your support.  You’re so supportive to all of us, and all that you do in this community.  Thank you for all you words of wisdom, and your emotions support too, as it means the world to all of us 

 

Marie

[[La...]]

Marie dear!!! You have me crying. How sweet of you to say that. 

Yes I’ve heard of switching brands especially to generic brands is a big no no as far as when it’s benzos or zdrugs. It’s not in your head! It’s a real issue and confirmed that there is a big difference. The body don’t lie! You’re absolutely right about doing our best to keep moving. Just the simple moving around increases blood flow to promote healing. We need all the help we can get. I know your partner might be getting impatient. Even us going through this is more so. But it sounds like overall your partner is a good advocate and giving the support you need. Make sure you say thanks often. Express how this is so hard but you’re doing all you can on your end to be strong. Speak your truth…what I mean by this is that you ARE going to heal. You ARE healing each day. This IS temporary. It’s a zig zag journey but does have an end. Stay connected to your partner as much as possible. Bonds are so easily broken in this. Look at me for example….mine ran to another woman by using an excuse of something in the long ago past. Total BULL! But, you know what Marie, this is what’s best for me even though it doesn’t feel like it right now. Notice I said right now? I’m determined to let him and everyone else watch me rebuild what they tried to break!  When I’m healed, I’ll probably pack up and go find me a lovely place to live in a new small city or town. A fresh start to enjoy my new life. Mr Right will be waiting for me somewhere.  I just wasn’t built to break. Ha!!!

Do you know why I support everyone I can on here? Because it benefits me too. It gives me such joy to try to help someone in their worst times. Everyone needs someone. This community of people are my friends. They totally understand each other. I know what it’s like to be discarded like garbage in my darkest hour. I don’t want nobody on here to feel like that. This journey is a cruel one and you know that’s putting it lightly. Even feeling terrible, my thoughts are at least we can feel bad together. I can’t be selfish and just focus only on my own turmoil. I’m not the only one suffering. I’m aware that sometimes when it’s really tense we have to take a step back for a short moment to self care.

I’m happy to hear that you’re still doing all you can as well. Thank you for being my friend in this. Thank you for your support too. I cherish you for that. It would be so lovely one day for those of us who are recovered to look in each other’s faces in person. All of us dressed to the 9’s at a nice ball everyone smiling and dancing. Symptom free!

Love and hugs 🌹❤️🤗

[[Fr...]]

Hey everyone- I am sorry I seem to come here for support and don’t offer it much to anyone else. Hopefully you are able to let me vent a little more. I can’t be sure but after 14 days of a fever I think it may have finally broke in the night last night. I can’t be sure but I was hit with huge amounts of sweat like water dripping off of me two times last night. After this I was extremely cold because I was soaked. I had to towel off and change my clothes twice. I am not really sleeping at all. I haven’t had a fever yet today although the day is early so time will tell and even though I should be optimistic that the fever is lifting the other symptoms are so troublesome that I am just so worried about how covid will affect me long term since I was already so compromised. I seem to have histamine issues really bad and have been reading long covid can cause this. When I eat it’s as if something is scratching me like sand paper from my mouth through the back of my throat all the way down my esophagus to my stomach and eyes are very itchy. I can remember now I wasn’t having these histamine type things until I got sick from covid that I can remember. I remember my first bad response was reacting severely to the lemon I put in my water because it would usually settle my stomach. When I drank it I got head and sinus pressure and lemon is very high histamine but I can’t remember how close to covid diagnosis was this reaction. I guess I am trying to figure out if this is benzo histamine issue or if it histamine issue caused from covid. I did read long covid causes this. I am not sleeping in severe body pain and heaviness where it’s hard to breathe not from lack of oxygen I an tracking that but just the pain in severe so it hurts to really expand chest and lungs if that makes sense. And I ha e also had this symptom before so hard to say covid or withdrawal. I guess I can assume it’s all withdrawal but atleast if it was covid I have some hope maybe that it would away. But then as soon as I say that I think it is covid causing it and because I am so compromised immune wise I am going to stay long covid histamine sick like this. I have to start my taper again at some point as I don’t really feel holding is doing anything for me. It may be keeping me from being worse but I am still so sick bed bound so it’s not like I am well in the medication and at some point know I need to be off so my body can repair. I am very nervous about how the rest of this is going to go and fear being disabled and unbearable every minute for a few more years. I am going to be moving in with my parents soon. My husband d has been great but I need more care than we can give while he is working a d we can’t afford a caregiver everyday. I feel very fortunate to have my husband and my parents. Sorry for typos and if I have repeated my self.

[[Fr...]]

I do have an extremely bad cough as well but refuse to take cough medicine. All those cough and cold meds make my nervous system worse. The runny nose and cough seem new and different when I first got sick it was lots of congestion coming out but now the cough is very dry and hackish and nose is clear having to constantly blow which wasn’t the case before. Again I am really worried this is histamine wether from covid or benzo and really trying to get my mind around the new level of suffering.

[[ho...]]

Hey everyone- I am sorry I seem to come here for support and don’t offer it much to anyone else. Hopefully you are able to let me vent a little more. I can’t be sure but after 14 days of a fever I think it may have finally broke in the night last night. I can’t be sure but I was hit with huge amounts of sweat like water dripping off of me two times last night. After this I was extremely cold because I was soaked. I had to towel off and change my clothes twice. I am not really sleeping at all. I haven’t had a fever yet today although the day is early so time will tell and even though I should be optimistic that the fever is lifting the other symptoms are so troublesome that I am just so worried about how covid will affect me long term since I was already so compromised. I seem to have histamine issues really bad and have been reading long covid can cause this. When I eat it’s as if something is scratching me like sand paper from my mouth through the back of my throat all the way down my esophagus to my stomach and eyes are very itchy. I can remember now I wasn’t having these histamine type things until I got sick from covid that I can remember. I remember my first bad response was reacting severely to the lemon I put in my water because it would usually settle my stomach. When I drank it I got head and sinus pressure and lemon is very high histamine but I can’t remember how close to covid diagnosis was this reaction. I guess I am trying to figure out if this is benzo histamine issue or if it histamine issue caused from covid. I did read long covid causes this. I am not sleeping in severe body pain and heaviness where it’s hard to breathe not from lack of oxygen I an tracking that but just the pain in severe so it hurts to really expand chest and lungs if that makes sense. And I ha e also had this symptom before so hard to say covid or withdrawal. I guess I can assume it’s all withdrawal but atleast if it was covid I have some hope maybe that it would away. But then as soon as I say that I think it is covid causing it and because I am so compromised immune wise I am going to stay long covid histamine sick like this. I have to start my taper again at some point as I don’t really feel holding is doing anything for me. It may be keeping me from being worse but I am still so sick bed bound so it’s not like I am well in the medication and at some point know I need to be off so my body can repair. I am very nervous about how the rest of this is going to go and fear being disabled and unbearable every minute for a few more years. I am going to be moving in with my parents soon. My husband d has been great but I need more care than we can give while he is working a d we can’t afford a caregiver everyday. I feel very fortunate to have my husband and my parents. Sorry for typos and if I have repeated my self.

 

Hi- You don’t worry about offering support right now.  You’re time will come.  You have a lot going on, and you need all the support you can get and we are here for you    I know this must be so scary for you, and COVID is no joke, but please “try” not to give it too much energy.  Try and stay as positive as you can.  There are a lot of people who are immunocompomised and have beat COVID with no problems.  My uncle is one of them.  He actually has a severe lung disease, and only spent 5 days in the hospital, no ICU, and recovered in a couple weeks an is just fine.  I know others too.  So try and focus on just getting better.

 

As far as holding, it may be wise to just hold until you get over COVID….just in case.  And that’s great that your fever broke.  Hopefully it will not come back.  It would be tough, with a cough and cough medicines as they tend to make me jittery too. 

 

I hope you start to feel better very soon.

 

Marie

[[Fr...]]

That is good to hear about your uncle. I feel fortunate I am not hospitalized. I agree holding until covid is over. I am having a hard time knowing what is covid and what is withdrawal as I was already do very sick and bedbound before covid. Also I miss spoke today is day 11.

[[Fr...]]

Hi how is everyone this holiday weekend? I went to the ER last night and was diagnosed with covid. It’s difficult to have virus on top of normal bed bound benzo withdrawal. I am feeling very scared. Drinking fluids and resting like I always do.

 

I'm just so sorry about this!  Covid is the last thing you needed right now.  Please feel free to DM me if you need extra support through this.  It seems several other BBs besides me have had Covid and they all got better faster than me.  So hopefully you will be one of those that kicks it pretty quickly!  I know it's awfully rough having a nasty virus on top of withdrawal.

 

Sage today I am feeling akathasia which isn’t normal for me and I am so weak it’s hard to pace. I tried flail my arms snd legs in bed but I am so dizzy the movement made it worse. Is this something you experienced. I also am having phantom cigarette smoke smell which is really gross and I did read was a covid thing.

[[ho...]]

Marie dear!!! You have me crying. How sweet of you to say that. 

Yes I’ve heard of switching brands especially to generic brands is a big no no as far as when it’s benzos or zdrugs. It’s not in your head! It’s a real issue and confirmed that there is a big difference. The body don’t lie! You’re absolutely right about doing our best to keep moving. Just the simple moving around increases blood flow to promote healing. We need all the help we can get. I know your partner might be getting impatient. Even us going through this is more so. But it sounds like overall your partner is a good advocate and giving the support you need. Make sure you say thanks often. Express how this is so hard but you’re doing all you can on your end to be strong. Speak your truth…what I mean by this is that you ARE going to heal. You ARE healing each day. This IS temporary. It’s a zig zag journey but does have an end. Stay connected to your partner as much as possible. Bonds are so easily broken in this. Look at me for example….mine ran to another woman by using an excuse of something in the long ago past. Total BULL! But, you know what Marie, this is what’s best for me even though it doesn’t feel like it right now. Notice I said right now? I’m determined to let him and everyone else watch me rebuild what they tried to break!  When I’m healed, I’ll probably pack up and go find me a lovely place to live in a new small city or town. A fresh start to enjoy my new life. Mr Right will be waiting for me somewhere.  I just wasn’t built to break. Ha!!!

Do you know why I support everyone I can on here? Because it benefits me too. It gives me such joy to try to help someone in their worst times. Everyone needs someone. This community of people are my friends. They totally understand each other. I know what it’s like to be discarded like garbage in my darkest hour. I don’t want nobody on here to feel like that. This journey is a cruel one and you know that’s putting it lightly. Even feeling terrible, my thoughts are at least we can feel bad together. I can’t be selfish and just focus only on my own turmoil. I’m not the only one suffering. I’m aware that sometimes when it’s really tense we have to take a step back for a short moment to self care.

I’m happy to hear that you’re still doing all you can as well. Thank you for being my friend in this. Thank you for your support too. I cherish you for that. It would be so lovely one day for those of us who are recovered to look in each other’s faces in person. All of us dressed to the 9’s at a nice ball everyone smiling and dancing. Symptom free!

Love and hugs 🌹❤️🤗

 

Hi Sweet Lady-

 

I couldn’t get to you earlier, I had to run out the door….Ok, I walked    But, I got out and drove my car…YAY!  I went and picked my daughter up from the car dealership, her car has an issue and she needed a ride home (yes, they have a service, but she asked me, and we need time together, and I don’t want to say no) and we spent almost three hours together laughing and talking.  I drove her to one of my childhood homes, and it’s so strange because we have lived back here (i grew up in this town/town’s/area) for over 10 years and I just took her today.  Even all the times we would come visit before we moved back (she was 12.6) I don’t ever remember taking her by there, and she doesn’t either.  Anyway, I shared some memories….we had a nice time.

 

I could just kick your ex for leaving you for another women….I fear that too, because honestly we aren’t as connected right now.  It’s hard, I just don’t feel like it….we aren’t sleeping in the same bed, because I can’t tolerate any heat, and I sleep so lightly.  It’s not a good combo.  I am just being honest.  This is the place to be honest and share what we are going through.  He says he understands.  We are trying to be intimate when we can (more so, when I feel up to it, and that isn’t as often as I would like) I just don’t feel good enough again.  I am working on it. Slowing down my wean again, hoping that will help.  I had just started to slow it down, and then I got that generic brand change and it messed me up, and now things make more sense.  So I think thats why I am feeling so bad.  I feel like I should hold, but I don’t want to.  I am so close to 5mg, I can taste it.  Yet there is that “cost”….the cost of the benzo blues/flu/sx. I know this and it’s a mind battle for me.  Feeling better is more important and my relationship is MOST important.  So I do have to get this new script, get stabilized and just go slower. UGH!

 

Of all the people you should never have been made to feel like garbage, and discarded. Reading that was heartbreaking  :'( That was/is cruel. Yes this process is cruel enough and having this community to help one another to navigate through the darkness, is so priceless.  Since you are such a bright light, you will get back to the super women you are.  That PERFECT man is out there, and he will adore you, cherish you, and appreciate just how strong you are.! Your day is coming, and your ex will regret what he did.  You are a GEM, I can tell.  My gut is is pretty good at this, and my gut says so   

 

Moving to a new town sounds like a good plan.  Where would you like to move to?  Have you given it much thought?

 

Wouldn’t it be so nice for us (a lot of us) to be able to meet one day, dressed to the 9’s, or even casual on a beach, or a cruise….a “benzo recovery cruise” or a “benzo buddies recovery retreat” , just to be able to put a face to the name.  Many of us have shared so much, poured our hearts out, and journey together.  I have thought about this too.  I know they say on the rules not to engage on a “personal” level with anyone, not to give your real name or information for safety reasons, and that makes sense.  But who knows about something more like “retreat” or “convention”, or like I mentioned above.  Maybe this has been discussed, and I have missed it.  Maybe I am breaking the rules, and I am sorry If I am.  However there are some on here I really would like to meet some day.  I know I am a genuine person, I am real and honest, and I have to believe there are others just like me too. 

 

Your helping everyone is such a blessing and I am glad you find comfort in it too.  You are such a good friend to me and so many on here an we are all so blessed to have you. There is therapy in helping other’s, by taking the focus off yourself, and that is very helpful. My doctor said something to me about that.  I was struggling a while back because I felt like I couldn’t help anyone, and I was actually feeling “helpless”.  Hard to describe. Anyway, he encouraged me to just “listen” and just be engaged, and that was a way of helping.  Your words, and watching you validates what he says, and I so appreciate you for that.  Your kindness I know touches so many people.  Your dedication to the games is so admirable too.  Even with all that you are going through, you still plug in, and are present.  It makes me feel small, and selfish. :'(  Not looking for pity, so please don’t read into this, just being honest, and holding myself accountable.  I really need to be more present, I have the tools!!!  I need to use them.  So again, thank you for being such a good roll model for me, and for the encouragement on here.  It is priceless

 

You truly are a good friend and I am thankful for you

Love and hugs back at you 

 

Marie

[[ho...]]

Fruity- Glad to hear you have decided to hold.  Sorry about your weakness.  That is so strange you brought up the phantom cigarette smoke.  I had that a couple of nights ago.  I kept smelling it, I smelled it on my hands.  SO STRANGE.  I don’t have COVID (at least I don’t think I do, if I did I would be asymptomatic).  The phantom cigarette smoke lasted for two days.  Keep me posted on yours. I find this interesting.

 

Drink lots of water (it’s the mom in me, I can’t help myself  )

 

Marie

[[sa...]]

Hi how is everyone this holiday weekend? I went to the ER last night and was diagnosed with covid. It’s difficult to have virus on top of normal bed bound benzo withdrawal. I am feeling very scared. Drinking fluids and resting like I always do.

 

I'm just so sorry about this!  Covid is the last thing you needed right now.  Please feel free to DM me if you need extra support through this.  It seems several other BBs besides me have had Covid and they all got better faster than me.  So hopefully you will be one of those that kicks it pretty quickly!  I know it's awfully rough having a nasty virus on top of withdrawal.

 

Sage today I am feeling akathasia which isn’t normal for me and I am so weak it’s hard to pace. I tried flail my arms snd legs in bed but I am so dizzy the movement made it worse. Is this something you experienced. I also am having phantom cigarette smoke smell which is really gross and I did read was a covid thing.

 

Oh, yes, I had akathisia very badly.  It was one of my most miserable symptoms.  I'm really sorry you're having that!  I understand everything you're going through, the insomnia, chest pain, histamine and stomach issues - it's all Covid.  I know being in withdrawal is making it worse for you.  I'm relieved you've made it this far without any oxygenation issues!  Hopefully you'll just keep getting better. 

[[ho...]]

Sage- I am so sorry that you have had such a battle with COVID.  I hope that you will recover soon too.  You are a good resource for Fruitie.

 

Marie

[[Be...]]

fruityPop, did you test positive for COVID?  I think I've got COVID too or maybe it's just a regular cold, not sure, since I didn't get tested.  Not everything is COVID.  I have a very hackish cough too and keep blowing my nose, but it is getting better.  I just tell that virus or whatever it is to just get out of me since it wasn't invited and I don't want it inside me.  My cough is getting better and so is my blowing my nose.  Even if it is COVID, it will eventually go away on its own.  I have very mild symptoms so it's not so bad. 

[[Fr...]]

Yes I have covid. Positive test in ER.

[[Be...]]

You'll feel better soon.  They say that 80% of people who get COVID have mild symptoms.  I probably have it too, but I don't feel too bad at all and my hacking cough is getting better.

[[Fr...]]

Thank you Becks. I definitely don’t have a mild case but my fever broke so hopefully it’s only up from here. I am so sick with withdrawal that it’s hard to tell if covid is just the flu like symptoms or if it is actually affecting my nervous system. I haven’t slept  much in weeks which isn’t helping.

 

I am sorry to everyone if I seem in a state of panic every time I come on here I am really struggling.

[[Be...]]

fruitypop, praying for you that you'll be feeling much better soon.  I don't have a fever, so don't think I have COVID, but then my body temp. is always low due to my hypothyroidism.