XANAX Support Blog: If you're tapering Xanax/alprazolam, join in the discussion!

[[Bl...]]

Checking in to say hi and hope that everyone has a good day. I love you all...really I do. You are all very special people.

Bye for now. It is a work day for me.

 

Blue

[[Pe...]]

Thanks Benzy, I don't know either, I'm thinking that since I 'updosed' for 6 days, I might want to think of it as "I've been on 2 mg's of X" and start cutting my noon dose, then tackle the midnight rescue dose I started 6 days ago.

I know this isn't going to be a piece of cake coming off this stuff, but at least I know that I'm making small enough cuts that I wont go completely banannannanna's

Luckily I'm on an SSRI (Remeron), and Clonazepam at the moment too, so I'm sure that'll help a lot. I've learned some coping techniques for panic /anxiety.(Deep slow breathing, visualizations etc..)I listen to a lot of "New Age" music, that'll help as well. Knowing that I'm developing friendships and a support system with you guys will make this an easier journey for me. Helping others would be a very important "key" to my own recovery I'm sure. I know I sound very confident, (almost too confident) but trust me friends when I say I'm literally shaking in my slippers at the thought of what I might go through coming off this stuff.

 

                                                    I'm so grateful that I found BenzoBuddies!!!                          PepsiMoon

 

[[ch...]]

Okay… on day 6 no Xanax and feeling cool.

 

Going for bike ride in an hour or so.

 

Almost past the danger zone me thinks! Yeeehaw! 

[[Be...]]

I think you're OK Chim, so if I see you rode by my house I'm gonna throw rocks at you 

[[ch...]]

 

That cracked me up Benzy!

 

Looks like I will be okay. That was way too close and NEVER again! Stupid mistake!

 

Thanks for all the help!

 

I'll hang around as a reminder.

[[Ch...]]

Okay… on day 6 no Xanax and feeling cool.

 

Going for bike ride in an hour or so.

 

Almost past the danger zone me thinks! Yeeehaw! 

 

:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

[[Be...]]

Im really happy for ya, maybe Ill be able to join the bike ride next month.

[[No...]]

Hey folks, I'm tapering down from 3.0mg of Xanax.  I get blurred vision...feel disconnected, barely able to think etc...in between Xanax dosages.  Low mood all the time, gets much lower.  just looking to compare notes.

  HI JerryK

 

      Welcome to the Xanax Forum. I know exactly how you feel, even tapering .0625mg. I just finished my taper from

3 mg of X on 11/28/2013. I have a taper schedule that I can share with you on the board if you would like? I dry cut

and used .0625mg compounded pills. I had severe interdose withdrawals,  blurred vision, feeling disconnected, barely

able to think, low mood.

 

      As you know, Xanax has a very short half life for in our bodies, each is individual though. That's why its soooo

POWERFUL.  Want to help, and support you when and if you need it.

 

      Notforme

[[mr...]]

Hey folks, I'm tapering down from 3.0mg of Xanax.  I get blurred vision...feel disconnected, barely able to think etc...in between Xanax dosages.  Low mood all the time, gets much lower.  just looking to compare notes.

  HI JerryK

 

      Welcome to the Xanax Forum. I know exactly how you feel, even tapering .0625mg. I just finished my taper from

3 mg of X on 11/28/2013. I have a taper schedule that I can share with you on the board if you would like? I dry cut

and used .0625mg compounded pills. I had severe interdose withdrawals,  blurred vision, feeling disconnected, barely

able to think, low mood.

 

      As you know, Xanax has a very short half life for in our bodies, each is individual though. That's why its soooo

POWERFUL.  Want to help, and support you when and if you need it.

 

      Notforme

 

NFM how are you? I miss you

[[So...]]

Hey Mrs,

 

How are you doing? Did your heart symptom get any better?

 

Wishing you wonderful healing!!

 

Denise 

[[Be...]]

heart palps gone crazy for a bit, but they stopped, when they come all at once like that its scary, usually theyll stop if I cough or get up real fast, these dont... but they do stop after a bit....

makes my mind start trying to go nuts, so I was gonna tell myself(mind) to shutup..

so I said out loud, "shutup dog".... Im so used to telling the dogs to shutup....

made me feel even more crazy...

[[So...]]

Did you take your Hawthorne today, dog??

 

Denise 

[[Be...]]

about a half dose, I ran out...

 

I dont think much helps the heart stuff if its in fact withdrawal induced.... with me anyway...

 

it does help the pre-existing stuff though....

 

all I can do is just breathe through the withdrawal palps... and tell my dog to shutup

[[Fl...]]

Most of you know I have not started my taper.  My plan is to begin my first cut on 1/2/14.

 

I am suffering from VERY BAD DEPRESSION!  I don't ever recall feeling like this.  It is all consuming.

 

FluterByee

[[Ca...]]

Dear Fluterbyee,

  I am sorry you feel so bad...depression stinks. Just remember it is the drugs...not you. It will shift over time.

Sending you friendship,

Carita

[[So...]]

Oh Fb, I am so sorry!!

 

I started taking Inositol. I am putting 1/8 tsp in my water bottle every time I fill it. It was recommeneded to me by Hopefulgirl, and after researching it, it is supposed to be good for depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and OCD.

 

I just started, so I can't tell a difference yet. Other than I do seem to feel a little calmer. It can take a couple of weeks to feel the full effect. I started slow so I can increase it later as needed. Especially when I start my taper.

 

Research it and see what you think.

 

Hang in there, we will all get through this. 

 

Denise 

[[mr...]]

I'm doing alright, thank you for asking! All tests thus far are 100% normal A few more to go, and we'll know for sure its withdrawal.

 

FB, NFM, Carita, so good to see ya!! And of course, Nana & Benzy & everyone else, too!! How's y'all feeling?

[[Be...]]

maybe you should talk to your Dr about a short term anti depressant..

 

I was really bad depressed... I have/had pre-existing depression, suicidal at times...

 

weird thing about withdrawal depression is I never was suicidal....but I was even more depressed than when I was........... weird......

 

just know its the benzos talking.... mine lifted about 3/4ths the way through my taper, Im doing Ok today, or lately, the last few months.....

[[Fl...]]

maybe you should talk to your Dr about a short term anti depressant..

 

I was really bad depressed... I have/had pre-existing depression, suicidal at times...

 

weird thing about withdrawal depression is I never was suicidal....but I was even more depressed than when I was........... weird......

 

just know its the benzos talking.... mine lifted about 3/4ths the way through my taper, Im doing Ok today, or lately, the last few months.....

 

I am super sensitive when it comes to med's, and in the past I have tried many anti d's.  I had many side effects.

 

The depression is so strong...I can't shake it...and I am having daily thoughts of the "S" word.  I have been talking with my therapist about it.  I don't care about much, I feel no joy/happiness, I am completely unmotivated. In fact today, I sat in my chair and stared at the TV....what kind of a life is that.

 

Another thing this DA*N drug has done to me...is cause what I'm calling Benzo rage, and it is causing me to turn the rage on myself.  I PM'ed a BB twice to ask if this has happened to any of you, but never heard back.

 

This is very personal; however, I need to know if anyone of you have had this happen.  I am not a cutter; however, this rage has caused me to self harm through hitting.  I apologize if this is to graphic.  It's very real...not sure what to think.  Once I repeatedly punch myself in the arm it calms me down!  It has only happened a few times...a few to many.

 

Please do not think badly of me.  "I don't think" I'm a nut job; however, I do think I am in one of the worst situations I have ever been in...in my life.

 

Thank you for listening.

 

FluterByee

 

P.S.  It just seems like my day consists of waiting to take my next doses of X.  I'm sick of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[[Be...]]

is it suicidal thoughts, or suicidal ideation? I had a lot of the "ideation", which I understand is different, its a big fine line, but its different... its more of an intrusive thought, thats not really your own, more like a tormenting jab from the drug....

 

its good youre talkn to a therapist otherwise....

 

I was super depressed the year I was on it, and the year of tapering, until about the last 1/3rd of my taper, it lifted

 

yes, I've had a couple of instances of the self hate thing, the benzo rage was AWFUL, made my Momma cry....yes I did a few of the self harm things, it made me wonder if I was getting into the "cutting" "thing, which I never thought of, but knew about, but mine was more punching my head with both hands like you see people do in movies when they do something stupid, but in my mind, I deserved it, etc......

 

its the drug.............unless you have pre-existing conditions, which I do, but the drug amplified them greatly...

 

you're not alone...and you will make it through..

 

when are you starting your taper? you might get some relief with it, believe it or not...

[[Fl...]]

Now, this may be an irrational thought, It feels like this drug could kill me!

 

If I feel like this now...what in the world is going to happen when I start my slow taper?

 

FB

 

[[Be...]]

I think thats irrational, I think I read where Ashton says it wont/cant kill you, tapering as well..

 

of course in different ways it can, such as mixing it with other drugs, alcohol etc...

 

but no, tolerance, and tapering/withdrawal cant/wont...

 

I am/was just like you described yourself in your post, most likely lots of us are, dont think youre the only one having those problems, you're not alone.... and people have made it through, you will too....

 

you''re just in the throws of tolerance....

[[Fl...]]

is it suicidal thoughts, or suicidal ideation? I had a lot of the "ideation", which I understand is different, its a big fine line, but its different... its more of an intrusive thought, thats not really your own, more like a tormenting jab from the drug....

 

its good youre talkn to a therapist otherwise....

 

I was super depressed the year I was on it, and the year of tapering, until about the last 1/3rd of my taper, it lifted

 

yes, I've had a couple of instances of the self hate thing, the benzo rage was AWFUL, made my Momma cry....yes I did a few of the self harm things, it made me wonder if I was getting into the "cutting" "thing, which I never thought of, but knew about, but mine was more punching my head with both hands like you see people do in movies when they do something stupid, but in my mind, I deserved it, etc......

 

its the drug.............unless you have pre-existing conditions, which I do, but the drug amplified them greatly...

 

you're not alone...and you will make it through..

 

when are you starting your taper? you might get some relief with it, believe it or not...

 

Benzy,

I am starting my taper on 1/2/14.

 

I have never been diagnosed with depression.  My anxiety came on 7 years after the death of my husband.

 

I'm not sure about the S-ideation versus the actual act.  It just seems like I am thinking about it all the time.

 

Here is my thought pattern...."If I weren't here anymore" than all this would be over and my family wouldn't keep having to deal with me, and I wouldn't have to suffer with it anymore.  I have become obsessive about wanting it to be over.  And, yes it is tormenting!

 

I have NEVER cut.  I will punch myself in the left arm until it tires me out...than I feel calm.  I have a huge bruise as the punch is always inflicted on the same area.  I, like you, have also hit myself in the head...trying to make the thoughts STOP!!!

 

I am very secretive about it as I DO NOT want to scare my daughters.  Really who am I kidding...I'm sure they know something is going on.  Cause my oldest asked me the other day how I got that bruise on my arm, and I lied and told her it was from me handling the Christmas tree.

 

When I went to therapy on Tuesday...she actually gave me her personal cell # in case of an emergency.  I thought that was pretty unusual, and I think it says a lot for her.

 

If I could just get up in the morning and get out of this damn house...I would function better....but, I am becoming house bound.

 

I can't get off this drug soon enough!!!  How can it be so scary to get off of a drug that you know is making you sick and poisoning you; however, your fearful to stop it.  Makes no sense! 

 

Thank you for sharing your experience with the RAGE episodes.  I don't feel so alienated now.

 

FluterByee

 

 

[[Be...]]

you're just in tolerance, not to make light of that, but thats just what that is..

when I was in tolerance that year, I cant describe how depressed I was, I never thought about the drug/process killing me, but I wondered if I would snap and go to Neverneverland and never come back..

 

Im in a on-going lawsuit with a neighbor over a silly easement, I often wondered if they could push me far enough to make me snap, and kill them... it scared me to death, cause Im not really a person that would ever think that way,,, I wasn't scared that I would "decide" to do that, but in the shape I knew my mind was in, I was really scared that they would push me at the right time, and I would "snap", and as a result do something like that....I dont think that would ever happen unless I really did snap, like permanently.......I actually feared this more than I ever feared killing myself..... like they say, If you're concerned about it, then you're probably ok, its when youre not concerned that you should worry....

 

it lifted as I tapered, thank goodness

 

sounds like youre in the same boat I was, hopefully it will lift as you taper, like mine did...

 

I hope I dont get arrested for what I wrote lol, Im just being honest, thats what happened in my head......

 

everyone else please know that this is just part of what this all can do to you..so. sorry if it offends anyone, the good news is you come out of it when you get off this crap...

[[Be...]]

FB, I had actually forgotten all this until you mentioned this! Thats good news! You will look back and do the same...

 

I remember now worrying a LOT about this, cause who wants to go to jail?!?! Especially over something as stupid as a easement dipute (but these people are really ugly)

 

I think you're very depressed, that isn't suicidal ideation...suicidial ideation is like this, or as I understand it... when I dose at night I would see my gun in the night stand drawer, and in a split second I would see the whole movie play in my head... it would make me shudder... but thats not really me sitting and thinking about it like you say youre doing.... yours is the depressed kind of thinking, you should take care of yourself and stay in touch with your therapist and others, and reach out more.........thats what this place is for.....

 

remember though what Ive shared with you, Ive been there too, last year, and now I didnt even remember it at all until you mentioned going through it..

 

you will too, after you start tapering and get off the drug and out of tolerance, the things this drug does to your mind is unbelievable, especially for a drug that suppose to help the mind!!!