`One Year Off Xanax`

[[ba...]]

hi happyme i hope you dont mind me  saying i like the corvette in your avatar picture ! (i hope i dont look dumb and its another car:P) it looks like in good condition for its age i like to look at cars alot to me it looks kinda like umm a corvette from 1990ish

i hope you dont mind the offtopic intrustion other bb ppls 

[[Re...]]

Ive got just THREE days to go to my first birthday off Valium...Yeaaaaah!!!

 

I'm still really messed up but definitely on the way to getting better.

[[Ga...]]

Megan

You spoke of distraction....might I ask what worked for you?  I am in month 9 and the anxiety, mind stuff is still bad but I have a rough time accepting it and the minute it hits, I fall apart, crying, thinking I will never heal, that I'm too old to get better, etc.  I only just now have been able to read, but still can't listen to my love...music.  Do watch TV but so weary of this.  I do walk when I can but weather not good here.  Suggestions?  I still can't nap.  Thank you so much.  This is such a horrific journey.

Galea

[[me...]]

Megan

You spoke of distraction....might I ask what worked for you?  I am in month 9 and the anxiety, mind stuff is still bad but I have a rough time accepting it and the minute it hits, I fall apart, crying, thinking I will never heal, that I'm too old to get better, etc.  I only just now have been able to read, but still can't listen to my love...music.  Do watch TV but so weary of this.  I do walk when I can but weather not good here.  Suggestions?  I still can't nap.  Thank you so much.  This is such a horrific journey.

Galea

 

Hi Galea,

 

I used whatever got my mind off my symptoms for a few minutes or more---computer games (angry birds, freecell, etc), household chores, sites such as Etsy and Saatchi (I'm an artist), old movies, birdwatching, going out for an hour or two, short drives, etc.  Like you, I wasn't able to read for many months, but to get back into it I reread some books by familiar authors (I like mysteries, some of my favorite authors are Ruth Rendell, Tony Hillerman, J.A. Jance).  But the most important thing is to use whatever holds your interest.  If you do this over and over, it will become a habit.  I even began to look forward to my favorite distractions.

 

[[me...]]

Here is my two-year off update:

 

I'm now two years off Xanax and doing better than I have for many years!  Though Xanax did wonders for my panic and anxiety, I didn't realize until recently how much it had taken away from my life.  Once a successful painter, I lost all desire to paint while on xanax.  My senses were muted to the point that I missed much of the beauty in life.  I was apathetic and inactive.  I gained a lot of weight.  I had memory and cognitive problems which worried me a great deal, and I began to think that these might be permanent.

 

Once I was finally off Xanax, it took over a year for most of my symptoms to subside.  Only one was left, but it was the most frightening of all as far as I was concerned - cognitive problems and brain fog.  I was 63, and deeply afraid that this would never leave me.  But, as I passed the 18 month off point a miracle began to unfold.  The mind-fog started to lift.  Things became clearer and brighter.  My creative urges slowly reawakened.  I'm experiencing a personal renaissance of sorts.  At 24 months off this miracle is continuing, and I'm starting to paint again!

 

Getting off, and staying off Xanax has been the hardest thing I've ever done, but it has been worth it.  I continued to heal well past the one year mark, and even past the two year mark.  If I can do this, you can too!

 

 

This is my "One Year Off Xanax" success story, from March 2013:

 

In the late 1990's I started to experience palpitations and tachycardia, which in turn generated panic attacks

that got worse and worse as time went on.  I soon developed an intense fear of the panic attacks

themselves, anticipatory fear, which is common in "panic disorder."  When I was prescribed xanax for the

first time in 1999, I thought it was a gift from heaven.  It worked beautifully, no more palpitations and no

more panic attacks.  I took it for many years before I developed tolerance, which I first noticed when i began

to run out of pills before the end of each month.

 

To make a long story short, I eventually realized that xanax was a double-edged sword which was sapping

my mind and my creativity.  I'd been a successful painter (animals, birds, plants), even making a living from

my art.  But while on xanax I lost all desire to paint, or do much of anything.  I made two unsuccessful

attempts to get off xanax in 2005 and 2009, reinstating at a higher dose each time.  Then finally, in early

2012, I rapidly tapered, crossed over to valium, and off on March 18, 2012.  My prescription had been cut

off, so I couldn't do a longer taper.  But the taper went smoothly, and I only had symptoms once I was off.

They were overwhelming:

 

 

Withdrawal Symptoms at 0-5 months off:

 

 

Anxiety:        Extreme anxiety in the mornings, waking at 4 am, hypervigilance, out-of-the-blue panic

 

Senses:        Altered, distorted and extremely acute hearing, smell, taste, hyperosmia

 

Eyes:            Red, painful, dry,  Visual distortions, minor hallucinations, floaters, etc.

 

Head Sys:      Congestion, pain, cog fog, head zaps, earaches, headaches, sinus problems

 

Body:            Extreme flushing, sweating, chills, pains, temp. hair loss, vertigo, insomnia, vivid dreams

 

Muscles:        Stiffness, pain, twitching, facial tics, hand tremors, restless leg syndrome

 

Nerves:          Raw, exposed, "open wound" feeling all over--absolutely excruciating!

 

Mental:          Depression, obsessive, intrusive thoughts, morbid thoughts, racing mind, agoraphobia,

                      DP/DR, and  extreme hypochondria with countless imagined health issues!

 

Starting in month 5, my symptoms began to lessen, and slowly but steadily got better.  I had windows and waves.

A non-linear rollercoaster ride, but in general I still felt worst in the morning and much better by evening each day.

 

When I started having severe mental symptoms I desperately looked for a way to regain "control."  I found it in

self-distraction, which I applied obsessively at first.  It became an ingrained habit, and I began to look forward

to my favorite distractions.  I began to relax a little, and during months 6-12  the healing really accelerated.

 

Besides distraction, I've done meditation and other spiritual practices.  All of these took my mind off my symptoms

for awhile.  In the afternoons when I started feeling better I'd relax, read, nap, or watch tv.  Nothing strenuous.

I eat what I want and drink half/caff coffee (helps the cog-fog). 

 

 

Remaining symptoms at one year off:

 

Head symptoms, though slowly improving, are still with me.  The zaps have stopped, but congestion, foggyness,

and at times, pain, remain, especially early in the day.

 

Physical symptoms:  almost all gone, with the exception of occasional restless legs, and rarely, mild vertigo.

 

Mental symptoms:  mostly gone, but  I still have occasional racing thoughts when in a "wave,"  My anxiety level

is now much lower than it was before benzos.  This is remarkable since I was prescribed xanax for anxiety!

 

When I took my last benzo a year ago I didn't really have any faith that I could do this.  I'd tried it twice before and

failed. But with the help of BenzoBuddies, I finally managed it.  At three months off I got rid of my stash of xanax,

and I never took a "rescue dose."  The hardest thing for me was learning how to live and cope with my

anxiety without xanax.  I never thought I was a particularly strong person, but now I know I am.  I've proved it!

 

If I can do this, you can too!

 

:smitten:

[[Ch...]]

Yay, Megan!  So happy for you! 

I'm looking at April 8th to update two years off.

 

Chal

[[me...]]

Yay, Megan!  So happy for you! 

I'm looking at April 8th to update two years off.

 

Chal

 

Thanks, Challis!