problems after w/d from benzo's

[[sk...]]

Hey Kiri 

 

So good to hear from you...........how are you and how is hubby doing??? Have both of you taked about detox or is he still going?

 

I am thrilled to hear that Eckhart Tolle said this also WOW, to cool. I have read his book, but do you think I remember any of it lol. I would read again but am not in any state to be reading anything that makes sense right now

 

I'm having hysteria today along with hallucinating with the words coming at me from the screen. Geez what's next I have no idea, I guess someone should be making this drug to sell to the public 

 

Oh Lord I've lost it and can't get it back

 

Take care Kiri and please let us know how things are going soon.

[[tr...]]

 

 

I just picked up the new Eckhardt Tolle book "New Earth" and he says the same thing!!!!!!!!!!!

 

"I'd bet 60-70% of illnesses are caused by chemicals and the wonderful feel better meds out there and clogging out medical systems to the max with all of their side effects. Very very sad they can continue to do this to the public and keep it all so hush hush." - Quote

 

It just nice to get 3rd party confirmation

 

Kiri

 

 

Great Book!!  It helped me a great deal through it all. 

 

TS

[[re...]]

Hey Kiri 

 

So good to hear from you...........how are you and how is hubby doing??? Have both of you taked about detox or is he still going?

 

I am thrilled to hear that Eckhart Tolle said this also WOW, to cool. I have read his book, but do you think I remember any of it lol. I would read again but am not in any state to be reading anything that makes sense right now

 

I'm having hysteria today along with hallucinating with the words coming at me from the screen. Geez what's next I have no idea, I guess someone should be making this drug to sell to the public 

 

Oh Lord I've lost it and can't get it back

 

Take care Kiri and please let us know how things are going soon.

 

Hi Skooter,

 

Sorry that you are going through this mess, non of us are immune to withdrawls. Time and patience are the healing factors in this mess, take care. Do remember that you shall always have the support of this board, so never be shy to vent about your issues 

[[ha...]]

Hi skooter, I came by to say hello and to check out your meltdown post (as you had mentioned to Lost on his blog today) but I can't find it!  Hope this means you are feeling better!  Thanks again for your help on Legal!  Keep up the good work and never underestimate your value and worth, OK?  You have tons to contribute! Take care and hope to see you in chat!

[[Lo...]]

Hey skooter,

I've been MIA for over a week, and was catching up on some threads. I've read some of your posts to others and you sound like you are doing soooo much better. Just the tone of your words, I can tell that you are more positive and handling things really well. I am very proud of you. You have been thru so much from the benzos, but you are a fighter!!

 

Lori

[[sk...]]

Hey Miss Lori,

 

WB, nice to see you again. I thank you for the kind words and I am not sure when I've heard anyone say they're "proud" of me  Feels good so thanks. 

 

I hope you're doing good. Not sure why you were MIA but hope it wasn't from this garbage and that you're feeling better now.

[[Lo...]]

Hey skooter,

I took a little over a week off to regroup so to speak. Just needed a break from thinking about benzos, withdrawals, etc. I've had an open window most of the time, so it was quite nice. There is light at the end of the tunnel in all of this!! No one has told you they are proud of you? Well then, I'll just have to say it again, I am proud of you!! You have really done a complete 180. Not sure where you are at in your taper, but whatever you are doing, it is working for you!!!

 

Lori

[[sk...]]

Great to hear Lori,

 

I've been thinking about taking a break too. Not sure when tho as these s/x's are so revved up it's impossible to move almost. Anyways I updated my schedule so others can see where I'm at. Glad you had a good break and hope it continues to get better for you!!

[[st...]]

Hey, skooter,

 

I, too, am very, very proud of you.

 

Patty  xo

[[sk...]]

Thanks Patty,

 

I'm proud of all of you too . I'm so glad you and Lori both are feeling the other end on your way to being well again. It's good to know there is an end to all of this madness.

 

God Bless you both

[[Lo...]]

skoot.. howve you been buddy?

 

dave

[[...]]

Thanks Patty,

 

I'm proud of all of you too . I'm so glad you and Lori both are feeling the other end on your way to being well again. It's good to know there is an end to all of this madness.God Bless you both

 

YES< there IS an end.  It does come and it will stay, we will all just wait it out.  Patience, please

 

Keep on keeping on as the saying goes.  You will be through this one day and be glad it is finally over

[[sk...]]

Hey Dave,

 

I just posted to ya  I never got an email for my own thread  and didn't know anyone came to visit me glad to see you. Hope you feeling better. Talk to you soon eh?

 

Oh Cal I wish I knew when, it wouldn't be so darn frustrating maybe. When your s/x's are 24/7 and the crushing never stops. And then the same s/x's you had when c/t come along IT IS so very berry frustratin Thanks for trying tho and coming by to let me know it does end 

[[Pa...]]

Hi skooter,

 

I just have to ask, are you a celery bunch today with a big smile??  Yesterday you looked like a furry red Elmo!!  Of course, the person asking you these questions is some kind of bugeyed frog sitting in a plant!

 

I love these avatars, but when I was in bad shape the ones that were animated drove me bonkers!  Glad I can appreciate them these days!

 

Pam

 

 

[[sk...]]

Hi Pam,

 

I had a smile on lastnight as I was on the board all alone but today has taken such a bad turn for me

 

I'm actually thinking of updosing I just don't know how I can do this anymore I'm so sick. Some panic just thinking of how and what to do. It's just been so long and no end in sight with my body feeling so twisted and out of place? Don't even know how to explain this as I've never read about anyone that has this like I do 24/7. Like every bone in me is so deformed, sticking out of me and twisting and crushing. And that's just one s/x and the HUGEST. Nevermind the tingling crawling biting sking if that makes sense.

 

 

I just want to leave this body and not return to it anymore. Just don't know what to do it's so bad I am sure nobody could stand what I've been going thru (not to stay others aren't as miserable) it's just not able to stand this anymore and not knowing which way to go is so hard.

 

As I've said before if I could have handled the c/t I'd of never reinstated and it just seems I'm never going to get outta this mess.

 

Thanks for checking in on me...................Hi Dave, will try and write more later, hope you're doing well.

 

[[Th...]]

Hi Skooter,

 

I am so sorry to hear you are not doing so well today.    Wish I had a magic wand to make everyone better!! Here's a big hug....

 

http://i482.photobucket.com/albums/rr185/theresa1958_bucket/hugs-2.gif

 

 

T2

[[Pa...]]

Gosh Skooter, it sounds bad...the descriptions you use paint a horrible picture.  I hope you'll be able to keep on the path you've worked so hard to stay on.  It would hard to see you lose the ground you've gained all of this time. 

 

I don't have anything to offer you other than the promise of a better life when you finally get through this experience.  I can't take away your pain and your fear, I can only tell you that you will one day be healed if you follow the path to freedom.

 

This is a terrible test, please make the right choice for yourself and your family.

 

Pam

[[sk...]]

Thanks so much T2, what a nice surprise that was 

 

Yes Pam this is so bad. I keep thinking of you and how well you are doing, but still hard to conceive that it took you so long to get where you're at now so having real hard time with the what to do's. Been thinking bout it all day and night now and know it won't help me, but feel what else can I do if I can't stand this twisted torso of mine for much longer. Thanks again for watching out for me, T2 and Pam. It means so much to me!!!

[[Ki...]]

Skooter,

 

Coming at you with BIG HUGS!!! :hug:

 

Kiri

[[gi...]]

Oh, Skooter!

 

I've seen you go through so many twists and turns here... my heart goes out to you. 

 

I spent 36 hours in "writhing twisting agony" (having had a couple of drinks a week after I finished my "taper", if that's what you call a 5 week c/t) and all during it kept thinking that if that's how a lot of people feel for longer than a day there's no way I could make it.

 

I'm sure what you're feeling is a lot worse than what I was feeling, but the simple fact that you're still here, still pushing through, is a testament to your strength.  Every day, Skooter, you're winning. Every day!

 

You know we're here...I wish I could reach out and give you a massage! 

 

ginger1222

 

 

[[...]]

Hey Skooter,

 

Remember me? I'm your buddie from the 'insanity department'. lol 

Just wanted to drop by and share with you my agony. Yes, I know the numbness feeling in the face, the itchy feeling all over the body, the heart palpitation etc. Benzo withdrawal monster traveled all over my body with no mercy, and at the end it landed on my poor brain. (this section is worth a book, as it seemed 'the withdrawal monster' was determined to move into a huge room in my brain, 'rent free' forever.  )  But dear friend, I know it from my own battle-this monster doesn't stay forever. Your body fights it every minute of the day. The evil invaders of the benzo hell, are slowly, but surely being removed in this combat. YOU WILL REACH THE FINISH LINE! And everytime you feel weak and tired, I want you to know how much we all care.

Last but not least - you are always welcome to visit my department, during your last visit I had a blast!  :laugh:

Hope many many wide open windows are coming your way.

 

Shelly

[[ad...]]

hey Skootie!  Sorry I didn't read this sooner, not sure when you wrote it.  I'm a little behind. 

 

I'm very sorry to hear you're feeling so very sick.  If it helps you at all, please know that the only time I do NOT feel sick is when I fall asleep.  And as we know, that isn't a heck of a lot of the time, is it. 

 

I felt, what I thought, was pretty sick -- while doing my aggressive taper.  I tapered off quickly in 2 months, and it should have taken me at least FIVE months, or longer.  Off .5 mg. 

 

I still can't really make sense of your taper schedule...sorry to say.  But it "looks" as if you are doing a very aggressive taper also.  Are you?  How much Klon is actually in 80 ml? 

 

You said you "reinstated" at 3 mg, then you dropped very aggressively down.  It's totally likely that you are still sick from just that drop.   What do you think?  How long were you at your previous dose? 

 

I can't tell how much you've tapered since then.  I'm wondering....I don't know, but....because of that huge drop (from 3 mg to .5 mg) -- you'd have to stay at the same dose for 60 days or more to try to stabilize.  I wonder what others' think about this? 

 

Also, just a gentle reminder.....   it's really important to keep good track of your taper doses, and how long you stay on each one.  Probably you are, but it's very easy to mess up!  And make ourselves more miserable than we need to.  PLUS, we're not thinking very well, so we start doing impulsive things.  I did.  And I paid for it, I'm paying for it now. 

 

--adelia

[[sk...]]

Hello Kiri, thank you for the (((((((((HUGS)))))))))) right back attcha. I hope you're rested up and Jared is doing the best he can. Not sure if you've heard from him but I do worry about him and hope he's hanging in there

 

Hi Ginger, sorry to hear you're still having the same s/x's bother you also, I knew ad's were hard to get off of and never dreamed that this crap would be equally if not more harder to get off of.  So very very disheartening and my daughter is going thru some of her own issues with meds now and I worry so much for her :'(

 

Hi SDM, thanks for stopping into my whining thread, and for your support also. It's feels so good to have others know just how bad all of this is. Not sure when I'll be in that funky mood again as I can't flipping move with the torso garbage and numbness now moving into the face. One of my biggest fears after the depression. Those intrusive thoughts are not easy to ignore to say the least. I hope I can be mentally better soon to take my mind off of the physical but it's hard when it's 24/7.

 

Again thanks so much for all the support it means a lot

 

 

 

[[sk...]]

OH ODD eeelia, if you think  you're confused, you have no idea how confused I am  I honestly don't know anymore what I've done to myself, and yes I take full responsibility for what I've done with my sporadic tapers. When I came here I was in c/t mode after doing the rapid taper as I did not know any better. It had become so very intolerable for me (as it is now) that I was suicidal and felt the only choice I had was to reinstate. Not understand just how much I should try and start taking again, I took 3mg for a few days. The feelings didn't leave and felt they were even getting stronger, hence the once again rapid taper until the mental feelings subsided. And that was at .5 mg of C where I stayed at for a week "I think" or it might have been 10 days. I have never kept track of days since I was in c/t mode. 

 

My pdoc said it wasn't from the meds when I had myself put in the hospital in July 08, and switched my meds from the Clonazapam and Lorazapam to Librium and Seroquel. I had already been tapering my morphine and dropped my Diazapam (I don't even remember when) and had a constant tingling in my spine and wanted an MRI and CT scan done on my brain and spine as I was sure I had a tumor or illness that was going to kill me. Upon returning home at the end of July (the good ol doc had me in the psych ward and I was furious and humiliated with him, with his smug smirks all the time, telling me it wasn't the meds doing this to me ) I continued taking his stupid pills for a couple of months, until I had read online just what they were. I of course freaked out, and was furious again with no help.

 

So then I began my wonderful journey of looking for a doc to help me. NOBODY WOULD HELP me even sitting in an ER for 8 hrs. crying the whole time and never did get into a doc (this was while I was tapering the morph) and I left. I saw about 5 docs for help, no one would take me on as a patient. I went to my regular doc and he said he couldn't help with what I was feeling, other than giving me some Elavil, and said he'd continue the Seroquel of course and that was that. I was on my own.

 

I've been very hesitant in asking for the Valium change over because of the intrusive thoughts. Plus I doubt my doc would even help me to do this as he has said he doesn't perscribe "these types" of meds. So felt I haven't had much choice in how I have done all of this. I do continue to wonder if I should start all over again and go ask for the Valium. I feel though it would be another failed attempt and give me that hopeless feeling I was having when searching for docs and being labeled a drug addict that no one could help as they didn't do psych meds.

 

Well I hope all that made sense.............oh I'm at .5 of Clona now and have been titrating almost 2 weeks now. And that's it. Did any of that make sense?? If I knew I'd feel better on Valium and could do a slower taper and feel good at the same time, I'd go tomorrow. I just don't know anymore what to do.

 

I hope you have better days my dear, and I sure hope I figure out something here as I really don't think I can continue the way it's going.

 

Stuck Skooter

 

 

[[ha...]]

I feel terrible for you skooter, I honestly do.  You seem to be stuck in hell.  I too struggle to understand the mathematics of your taper (my fault not yours, of course).  I too think that there is margin for error with all of us, in that we can forget doses, forget how good we felt the day before yesterday or forget when the next cut is due.  I have to write everything down, religiously.  I have to post tiny notes in my day-by-day pill boxes which I prefill two weeks in advance.  I can't comprehend sometimes how a slight change in schedule can have a negative effect, but it is does.  I can only recommend that you keep a daily journal, write down every dose, every symptom, rate each on a scale of 1-10 daily so you can see your progress or decline, and stay to a strict schedule of eating, drinking, time in bed, etc.  If nothing else, this record will make you feel more in control of something/anything in your life. Again, I am sorry you are suffering so.  You are stronger than you think!