I have physically changed while withdrawing

[[he...]]

Gonna chime in here..... I looked a fright for along time..doing better 5mos. benzo free...but there are some days I look at myself and think  WHO THE H... IS THAT!!!! It can be scary!!!

 

Jude

[[gi...]]

I would like to say that while I am a woman, I am not now nor ever have been a lady.

 

Ditto!  And I'm cheap but not easy. Wait...or am I easy but not cheap?  I always get that confused.

[[gi...]]

Is there anything guys can do to hide looking tired?

 

Don't look in the mirror!

 

Seriously though, I haven't found anything.  I've tried all kinds of makeup that promise to do it, to no avail.

 

ginger

[[sa...]]

Bonne Bell Glimmer Bronze powder  (Gold 'n Glitz)....for zombie face :-)  I use a 'fat' make-up brush to apply.

[[gi...]]

    Hello everyone, I'm 40yr old male and can completely relate since my face looks kind of grayish and ...just bad. But I'm starting to heal mentally and noticed that a few months back I couldn't make clear judgements on anything, including my appearance.  I was kind of paranoid and very nervous so I thought people were always looking at me, and I thought they were noticing how awful I looked, but now that my mind is calming down its easy to look back and see that I was VERY critical of myself.  My overall appearance has improved much and so has my self esteem and it happened naturally as I got further away from valium. I think your all gonna be pleasantly surprised the more you heal. I hope this encourages someone. Thanks all!

 

thanks Rupert!

[[...]]

The tissue wasting, lack of energy, the feel of my hair has changed. There are dark circles under my eyes and my face has wrinkled.

I was healthy and received many compliments all my life for looking younger. I have felt that my life is over. That is w/d, fatigue speaking. My personality fluctuates from toxic to times of clarity and acceptance. Sometimes I'm just in a fog. I wonder who I am and who I will be after I'm off clonazepam as well as will I look like a healthy person again? I'm stuck at 1.25 mg per day but my withdrawal began at 4mg plus only six months ago. I am amazed at how clueless I was up until now. This is a very difficult drug to withdraw from.

We are all very fortunate to have been guided to the moment to withdraw from these meds. These were the unforeseen consequences.

I am so grateful for this site. However, I wish I wasn't facing this alone and I wish that we could speak in person once in awhile. Not to be a bunch of cry babies but to share this sort of thing. To be honest, I'm not well enough to do meet with anyone anyway but sometimes it would be comforting if there were an equivalent AA for benzo withdrawing individuals. We are strong and through no fault of our own, we

stumbled into this situation. Despite what I look like right now or what you look like, the spirit of you is transforming into something more

beautiful. Now, to wait and see, the colors and designs of these butterflies when they emerge from their transformative cocoons!

[[er...]]

Hi Ria

You on high dose , please go slowly , dont' rush benzo . :smitten:

[[he...]]

Ria Ria Ria...Would love to meet you too.. as we all transform from our cocoon's and fly...fly into our butterfly meadows of happiness where we will have a play ground of many wonderful sunrises and sunsets to befall on us!!!

[[pr...]]

tonight was a very bad night in front of the mirror. i seriously get into a wave when i have to shower and look at myself.

my mother hats when i shower because i go into her room before and after cyring.

i really can't believe my hair. it's looks likfe an old lady's style as it got all curly and just not falling right any more.

i was reading about this hair balancing and it says that are hair is an extention of everything about us, our energy system, nervous system, meridian's.

here's is some of what it said

 

"it may surprise you to know that one function of hair is like antennae. It has the ability to receive information. When your hair is out of balance it is like having a faulty receiver. Your hair can also transmit impressions about you before you are close enough to make eye contact or shake hands. Hair that is balanced, helps to create the external expression of your inner essence"

actually here is a link to read about hair trauma.

 

http://www.hairsyntony.com/hair_trauma.html

 

i truly hope that we all do slowly break free from these caccons into the beautiful FLY butterfly Fly into the SUN

FLY Butterfly High ~ cause our work here is done

 

 

 

 

[[kl...]]

how are all us tired souls doing?  I hate myself in the mirror today!  dark eye circles more than anything. i feel so ugly.

[[No...]]

This soul is tired of looking in the mirror.In fact I avoid it. Horrible

ideation that I look worse everyday. I believe our brains are tired too.

I run to the store, bank is drive thru, I wish shopping was drive thru.

My hair is thinner than ever. I wear hats and scarves when I leave

the house. I have mentally changed in a way I do not like. I want

to believe that I will return better but still me. Its really hard.

Thats all I have to say about that.

NotForMe   

[[St...]]

Hi everyone,

 

I just wanted to throw my body into this group also.  I also hate what has happened to my body. I also cry often whenever I see myself in a mirror.  I am 14 months out from a c/t and I think, knock on wood that I have stabilized in my muscles going to hell on me.  I at least haven't needed to buy any larger size of jeans in the last couple of months, knock on wood.  Where before from 1 month to 1 year I went from a size 4 to a size 12. Months 4 to 10 was when the most drastic change happened.  I thought it was the Lyrica, who knows maybe it is a combo of both, most likely it is.  I have been tapering off the Lyrica since my 10th month and have a few more months at it til I'm free.  I'm going very slow due to needing to recover from the c/t and almost 16 years of benzo use.

 

I just wanted to say that I too hope that this is a sx that will go away some day. I do diet and walk when I'm up to it and my appearance doesn't change.  I'm soft and pudgy feeling. Totally 100% different than I have ever been.  I have always been a small slender woman, never needed to diet, yes watched what I ate but not diet.

 

My hair is not falling out anymore and is settling down, it has always been curly but became really curly. I have to use a lot of conditioners on it for it is very dry.

 

I'm in a really bad wave today - I don't feel like this in my head but I have to say it with my heart. We have to hold on and believe this will get better.  I tell myself if I don't ever get back down in size but I feel better, laugh more, live fuller then this can be tolerated.  It just doesn't make sense that if our minds and CNS heals then why wouldn't this muscle dead weight also.

 

I do feel that most days I don't look that haggard worn out look in my face. My eyes don't look so deer in the headlights shocked anymore, nor do they look sad or worn out.  I feel from my shoulders up I'm doing better.  My feet don't swell as nor do my ankles anymore.  It is my body from ankles to shoulders that isn't me. I so hope this changes, or I grow more accepting of it.

 

Please take my hand and help me as I help you walk thru this worse than hard time.  I so wish that others that are healed and have written their success stories would write of this issue.  I know JASO has told me that her benzo belly has gone away, her muscle tone isn't completely there yet I don't believe. But she is healing and happy and living life again.  (sorry Jenny if I'm saying anything that isn't true due to my benzo memory)

 

I get scared when I'm in a wave - it has helped me not feel so alone and that my future is doomed to have found you others along the road of recovery.  We have to remember this is what we are on, a Road to Recovery to a Better Healthier Life.  That is what Success Stories are written about, people that aren't having sxs and waves and are healthier and feeling better.  It isn't going to be fast coming, but we have to hold on that it will be coming.

 

Hugs to all my BB,

 

Sally  Stillbelieving that we will heal.

 

I'm extending a hand anyone else? What a long chain of strong wonderful awesome people we can form. We will be stronger standing side by side even if it is in cyberland.

[[li...]]

Here's my hand, Sally. .......... I am sorry you are struggling today .....

 

I think for you, the weight gain might well be a combo with the lyrica ...... but that will finish soon!  Things will improve!

 

Take care now,

Lizie

[[St...]]

Here's my hand, Sally. .......... I am sorry you are struggling today .....

 

I think for you, the weight gain might well be a combo with the lyrica ...... but that will finish soon!  Things will improve!

 

Take care now,

Lizie

 

Thanks Lizie, we are two strong now.  I don't feel so all alone. I hope the same goes to you. Maybe more will join us.

 

How are you feeling today?  I hope today is better for you.  I so remember what it was like in the early months. Just hold on that it does get better.  It is very slow coming for most of us but I have to believe that it is coming.

 

 

hugs,

Sally 

[[No...]]

  Heres my Hand Sally, Lizie, Life will be beautiful again!!!

  Notforme

[[St...]]

I have a hold of it Notforme,

 

I hope your taper stabilizes and then you will be able to slowly come down.  This stuff is very frustating and difficult to get off of. Just go slow.

 

We are three strong now.

hugs,

Sally 

[[La...]]

Hi, heres my old wrinkled hand too, we are getting stronger in our circle of friends

[[he...]]

Joining all and holding everyones hand!!! Lets swing!!!!!  xo

[[No...]]

I have a hold of it Notforme,

 

I hope your taper stabilizes and then you will be able to slowly come down.  This stuff is very frustating and difficult to get off of. Just go slow.

 

We are three strong now.

hugs,

Sally 

    Sally, Really trying to stablize. Everytime I cut, I get serious sxs. I just did .0625 and I am hoping that this

              will be okay for my body. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed. Anyway... Now that we are holding each

              others hands,  all will be okay.

              Notforme     

[[St...]]

Hi Ladygrace and heyjude - our chain is getting stronger. 

 

I was in a deep wave yesterday but with the help of BB I got pulled along.  Am now coming out of the depth of fear and climbing back up to strength of surviving this for another day. I sit here not totally upset of my figure but with high hopes that it will take a turn, even if it is a slow turn, a turn none the less for the better some day.

 

I'm willing to help anyone along that needs it.

hugs to all,

Sally 

 

Oh Notforme, I just saw your post here when I tried to apply mine.  I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time stabilizing. Can you do a smaller cut?  Do you mean you are down to .0625?  I know this isn't easy, it is the hardest thing I have ever done.  It is such a long process so that makes it very weary doesn't it.  But in the end it is so worth it. 

 

Let's just hold hands and sit on my porch for a bit. I won't tell you to breathe, I hated to be told to breathe and to calm down.  For months I couldn't take a deep breath but then one day I realized I could and I do as need now.  Does anyone ever calm down when they are told to?  Sometimes we just need a hug, or a pat on the arm or just someone to hold our hand.

 

I know you feel overwhelmed.  This is overwhelming in itself, plus the chemical changes in our bodies add to it.  I'm so sorry.

 

holding,

love,

Sally 

[[pr...]]

i haven't had a nice relaxing unknowing and without trying deep breath or regular breath in 6 months and becoming very tired.

having troubles hanging in there with all of this.

now just informed that a family member may have TB and now all of us need to be tested for it. now really afraid to breathe even in my own house.

and why is my skin so orange? especially my face?

not able to gain weight.

so scared of my looks not ever coming back!

[[ce...]]

I had something like this happen to me in my twenties. I used to very pretty and then around my mid-twenties something happened. I came down with a mystery illness and no one knew what was wrong with me. My looks deteriorated rapidly. Many older people said "oh, it's just the normal aging process." BS! Who goes from being beautiful to frumpy and exhausted in a matter of a year! It was the stress of being ill, I am sure of it. I finally got a diagnosis, actually, more than one diagnosis and have been improving. That is until I started on the benzos and now my life is upside down again. From age 29-32, I was aging backwards because I had changed my diet, got on the right medications, and started getting physically active again. Now this horrible experience. I have gained weight, but my face is thinning out. I think the muscles in my face are in a state of atrophy because I don't smile as much when I am in withdrawal. I had a happy moment the other day, and realized how fatigued my face felt from a giant grin. Also, high stress events age people. Have you even seen someone lose a loved one and suddenly age over night? It's probably similar. I'm 34 now, and I look tired and sad...because, well, I am. I hope that one day I can be rid of this physical suffering and hopefully recoup somewhat. I'm kind of obsessed with ways to buffer the effects of the aging process. Nutrition has been my most effective tool, also monitoring inflammation (it makes you look puffy and tired). My vanity is such that I have gone on the rather strict Paleo diet, and it seems to have really taken the red puffy look out of my face. I also lost 30 pounds and my face cleared up. I exercise like crazy, and still I'm slightly overweight. My favorite beauty trick that I have learned is that carotene containing foods (carrots, kale, etc.) cause the skin to take on a rosy glow. It seems to work as long as I have the energy to put them into a smoothie. I've also learned that coffee/dark chocolate masks are amazing for making me look less tired. Chemical peels, retina-A, Vitamin C serum, are also things that seem to help a little. I do lots of little things to do damage control. I can't get back what I had, but I can at least try and look like I haven't completely let myself go. What is a benzo belly, by the way? Is that because you get so exhausted that you stop exercising?

 

 

[[be...]]

Great thread. This has helped and encouraged me SO much. I appreciate what everyone has shared. Thank you for reminding me that I am not alone.

 

Recently I noticed fine lines over my upper lip. I thought it was weird because I have never smoked. My neck is droopy and my skin is dry. I have bags under my eyes. I can't believe what I am seeing in the mirror.

 

 

[[pr...]]

hey ceciliam,

i think a benzo belly is a distended belly. i had the benzo belly while i was tapering but i don't any longer. i also think it's probably because of some consipation. i've been very constipated even in the benzo withdrawal as everything is still really tight and not relaxed. probably alot of food allergies and candida too that  can make that benzo belly. and most likely hte nature of the benzo withdrawal.

i would love to know where i can get the ingredients for that coffee/dark chocolate mask? i would guess it's some ground coffee but how to you mix it with the dark chocoloate?

i am an Esthetician and i love food based custom masks! i too use all those things, retinol actually actually a retinaldehyde which doesn't peel the skin so much but still doesn the same thing and i love the vitamin C serums and the peptides and and hyluranic acids stuff.

 

i think that you will reverse this and get your looks back--your only 34. that is such a great age. i wish i could stay 34 forever!

i have to believe that my looks will come back. it doesn't make any sense? i did not look like this 6 months ago, so years down the road with only taking care of myself every single minues which i will make that a priority since i spent so much time doing destroying things to myself-- i have to turn things around. i'd better. i am seriously conscious of my looks right now. i definitely need to laugh more and work those muscle. that is the best things for the facial muscles beside massage and probably sexhttp://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/kiss/kiss.gif

pretty

[[ce...]]

Hi. I got the recipe from this website:

 

[nobbc]http://www.crunchybetty.com/mocha-frappucino-mask-coffee-cocoa-and-honey-facial-mask[/nobbc]

 

I found that using fresh coffee is even more effective, but don't do it at night because you absorb some of the caffeine into your blood stream!

 

Speaking of face muscles, I was doing some face exercises for a while. There are many, but I prefer the ones by Carol Maggio. I started to notice a difference and then went into benzo depression, and quit. Hopefully I will out of this soon and get back on the wagon though.

 

 

Edit: Deactivated commercial link