What is happening in your brain?

[[bo...]]

Thank you for this Parker!

[[To...]]

Sorry but in my condition I can't possibly read all of this and try to figure out if will work for me.thank you for spending so much time on it.

[[ne...]]

Thank you very much for posting this, Parker! Really helped me to calm down while I had a bit of a panic.

[[Po...]]

Thank you for your post. It was amazing to read and very helpful in both understanding what is occurring physically and also how to heal.

Best wishes!

[[Cl...]]

Thank you, Parker! It is so helpful to know the science behind this crazy ride!

[[mu...]]

I'm in about week six of a very rapid, too rapid, taper.  Met with my doctor Friday and he encouraged even faster which I'm not going to do.  But.. My reason for the post is your information about vision and hearing, vision in particular.  I have wet macular degeneration in both eyes.  I've had over 45 injections. MD takes your central vision.  The rods in my macula in my right eye are dead (geographic atrophy) so no central vision.  However, macular degeneration never takes all your vision. In advanced cases you can't read, can't drive, see faces, etc., but you have peripheral vision. 

 

Except - I'm losing all of my vision in my left eye.  In addition to the AMD (a misnomer in my case since I was diagnosed at 27) my entire field of vision is going.  Very blurry, dark, bright lights bother me, etc.  This has been happening for about the last two years.  Oh, poor depth perception as well.  I've been on Xanax and Klonopin for over 20 years.  Ambien as well for the last 8.  I have a mild cataract that can't be taken care of because of the retinal bleeding but the doctors are flummoxed because they don't feel that it should cause the issues I'm having.  Right eye is textbook macular degeneration.  Your post makes me wonder if the benzo's and the decade plus of dependency and likely chronic withdrawal, per Ashton, could be responsible.  Thanks for bringing it up.  If I can get through this and my vision improves even a little it would be life altering.

 

I make my living with my ears.  During the withdrawal I'm experiencing something like tinnitus but not what I've experienced in the past.  More like a high frequency buzzing.  It sounds weird (pun intended) but I'm not sure if it's actually in my ears or my brain.  At any rate, thanks for bringing this up.  I don't know of any way to pursue it other than trying to get off of these things and see what happens.

[[mo...]]

I am about 3 weeks into my taper and this is so helpful. Thank you so much. We will heal.

 

.75mg Klonopin

1/9 taper May 17

1/9 taper may 29

[[Op...]]

This was outstanding!! I have researched medical journals and read forums and had primitively came to the same co conclusions but as a nurse would never have been able to explain this as easily yet scientifically as you have. This completely explains all of my symptoms and what I myself had concluded what was happening in my own brain recovering from Valium and others read profile for details. Forgive any mistakes my brain is still in early recovery.

Can you explain or try why tinnitus is a symptom? Why it may come abd go abd why mine has been left ear only for a solid 7 days while I'm still on the Valium?

At least hypothesize here so that I can tell myself this is my brain healing or is this a unique symptom in where my fear is actually a bit justified in that I may have this now for a long time not intermittently as the other symptoms as this is the only one I've yet to have s window from. Is it in the temporal lobe or is it a more primitive part of the brain ?

Thank you for taking the time to write an excellent article! I truly hope this is published. I too have  cared for many CVA and brain injury patients and have witnessed amazing recoveries. We are essentially healing varying degrees of brain damage. But ours is drug related abd we will heal !! I totally get it.

[[Op...]]

This has just been beautiful and incredible on every level. Parker your spirit of helping others is so evident. I honestly think after all my research this has helped me understand not only the Valium w/d but the concurrent methadone for pain withdrawal also. Definitely Valium is in play here much more as eviyby my symptoms.

As a RN myself I strongly believe you need to start the online presentations next and honestly I would not limit it to just benzo. This does apply to any drug that limits gaba I. Our brains like methadone also. You can reach an infinite number of people suffering and in need.

My suggestion is to try to find a neuroscientist to co-author a book or assist with your presentation to ensure accuracy if nothing else to just proof read for any errors. I realize this may be difficult. Definitely keep you in it! The personal aspect of your journey is what makes your take on it all so special and unique! I am a spiritual person myself and there is no doubt in my mind you have found your calling. Please see this through. I'm in awe of what you are doing.

Again I truly cannot thank you enough!!

[[Oa...]]

Parker, thank you so much for this post. I just joined the site earlier today -- have been decreasing Klonopin for 3 weeks at this point, so I'm very early in the recovery/healing process -- and it was so helpful to have the feelings of "why am I so CRAZY" reframed into "this is your brain doing what it needs to do to HEAL." You rock! Thank you again!

[[tr...]]

Very positive and encouraging:) 

[[Ba...]]

 

Hi this was very good!  I have a couple questions, tho, if I may...

 

So gaba receptors are everywhere in every cell?  I've been sort of picturing them in my brain, and wondering where in my brain, but really there is no structure or anything to visualize?

 

You say the benzo are out of your body so you're healing.  I'm not there yet.  So I won't heal til they are out?  Because I got thrown into withdrawal by taking mirtazapine.  Don't ask me why... unless this really is mirtaz. withdrawal and not benzo.

 

I was ok on the benzos until the mirtaz, then everything fell apart.

 

Stuck on like .08 klon and 5 valium (was trying to cross over).  If I really have to do something I have to take an ambien or part of one it seems.  ;(  Not good, is that?

 

Thanks for what you wrote; very good stuff there!

[[Do...]]

It is comforting to know all of this. So far my symptoms are somewhat mild, although still troubling. My main problem is heartburn & weak heart from taking all those pills before bed for 10 years, I imagine. I feel lucky to be off finally after 5 years of tapering. A few years ago I smashed my head on metal subway stairs. Now I have intense stress headaches. Detoxing I suppose. I'm patient. Good to know the recovery process. I often feel quite alone. Ask myself why, if I got off heroin in 1987, am I still struggling. Repeated trauma before I recovered from the first round, and benzos in 2007. I have many accomplishments but not stability.

[[Es...]]

Long text. Good. Helpful. Read parts of it, still unable to concentrate on larger texts. Especially scientific. Will reread.

 

I think Ashton wrote a lot about how benzos affect GABA. Read her Manual at least twice while I was in a better shape.

 

Thank you for having written this 

[[Ho...]]

Awesome. Such a helpful post with great analogies. Thank you

[[Fr...]]

I was looking for something just like this because I wanted to post a question, How do you know that your yucky feelings and symptoms are from benzo withdrawal and not just you with depression (or heartburn, or itchy feet, or ...)

 

I am in the midst of a terrible phase of depression and everyone in my life seems to want me to pull myself out of it by getting out, staying busy, exercising.... which I agree would be helpful, but not when the darkest sadness and hopelessness is on top of me. I feel like I know this is my broken brain trying to heal but a voice sneaks in and says, no, it's just you with a useless, meaningless existence.

 

I want to print out your post and give to family members who might possibly see a glimpse of what I am going through. Thank you for posting it and explaining everything in easy to understand stories.

 

 

[[re...]]

for the first time in nearly a year i was able to concentrate and read the whole lot of that amazing piece of insight thank you.

[[je...]]

Agree with many above sentiments. Very valuable post and puts things in a new and more positive light. I know this was posted 5 years a go but THANK YOU Parker, if you're still around these boards.

[[Se...]]

What a fantastic post. Thank you!

[[Re...]]

This is the most helpful thing I've ever read! Thank you. Armed with this information I feel like I can actually make it through this nightmare and I'm NOT actually losing my mind.

[[el...]]

Thank you for helping me better understand all of this.  It really makes sense. Weight loss has been an issue for me along with the other symptoms you mentioned.  I seem to be stabilizing but it's difficult.  If you explain this and if you had the same issue in this area I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you again so much.

[[Vi...]]

Thank you for the post Parker, I'm 15 months out and still scared of my life. I need to read this every day. Hoping to heal!

Love Vica 

[[Ki...]]

*Parker, can you please make this a sticky?*

[[li...]]

Can't somebody create a follow up thread or add here - you're never ging to get back to your old self ?

 

There have been posts, and threads. Often, receptors never come back the way they were. Not everybody heals. Low dose, first time, short while on a benzo, no prexisting problems ? You'll probably heal.

 

A more balanced perspective is better. Maybe it's selfish, but I hate that positivism.

[Guest [Le...]]

Can't somebody create a follow up thread or add here - you're never ging to get back to your old self ?

 

There have been posts, and threads. Often, receptors never come back the way they were. Not everybody heals. Low dose, first time, short while on a benzo, no prexisting problems ? You'll probably heal.

 

A more balanced perspective is better. Maybe it's selfish, but I hate that positivism.

 

Dislike of positivity may be a side effect of the clonazepam, Liberty.

 

Many of us need the optimism to aid in our recovery. Benzo withdrawal is bad enough without reading only doom and gloom posts, and in my personal experience, healing has been happening for me steadily, ever since I jumped. And I had every reason to fail, due to polypharmacy, long term use and a cold turkey. I also had pre-existing health issues made far worse by the drugs.

 

IMO you could experience optimism and healing if you would just begin (and complete) a taper, or if you could find another means to get off the clonazepam. You won't be able to heal as long as you stay on, but please permit those of us who are off, or in the process, to get our optimism where we can - it's not really necessary to 'balance' hope with horror. That's just a recipe for defeat.

 

Many of our members have returned to normal, and I plan on joining them. I'm already 70% there, and a couple of buddies worse off than I was are now heading for 100%.

 

That's just my two cents as a benzo survivor.