The Klonopin Klub

[[Di...]]

Hi DDD!   Welcome to BB, and KK.

 

I agree with Rek.  You are tapering very fast.  That will make you feel bad.

 

I'm dry-tapering from clonazepam, using Summermeadow's taper plan, and so far it's working well.

 

There are other forms of titration, such as dissolving K in milk, there is also liquid K, and using a scale to measure your doses.

 

Also, holding at least two weeks in-between dosage decreases may help.

 

Wishing you the best. 

[[Di...]]

Question:

 

When I make a dosage decrease, I feel w/d within 24 hours and it usually lasts 2-3 days, then I feel back to normal.

 

About 10 days AFTER I've made the decrease, I feel a bit off.  Nothing major, just a tad off.

 

Why is that?

 

Any input would be appreciated.

[[Di...]]

Hi everyone. . I haven't been here in a long time, but I wanted to stop by and say hi. I am almost 7 months off and completely healed. I would like to offer support to anyone who needs it because I know all too well how nasty K is. Anyway, life is great. One day closer to complete recovery for everyone.

 

So happy for you Morechocolate!

[[Co...]]

Hi everyone. . I haven't been here in a long time, but I wanted to stop by and say hi. I am almost 7 months off and completely healed. I would like to offer support to anyone who needs it because I know all too well how nasty K is. Anyway, life is great. One day closer to complete recovery for everyone.

Morechocolate,

YAY!  It is great to know this. I love success stories. Thank you for sharing.

CC

[[li...]]

Question:

 

When I make a dosage decrease, I feel w/d within 24 hours and it usually lasts 2-3 days, then I feel back to normal.

 

About 10 days AFTER I've made the decrease, I feel a bit off.  Nothing major, just a tad off.

 

Why is that?

 

Any input would be appreciated.

 

Some might say this "tad off" is a sign of tolerance .... and also the half-life rearing itself.

Either way .... I always felt a "tad off" on my taper .... but I quickly learnt that as long as I was functional, I should persevere with it.

Waiting for total stability was futile in my case.

 

Glad you are feeling well, MoreChoc!

 

Lizie

[[Di...]]

Question:

 

When I make a dosage decrease, I feel w/d within 24 hours and it usually lasts 2-3 days, then I feel back to normal.

 

About 10 days AFTER I've made the decrease, I feel a bit off.  Nothing major, just a tad off.

 

Why is that?

 

Any input would be appreciated.

 

Some might say this "tad off" is a sign of tolerance .... and also the half-life rearing itself.

Either way .... I always felt a "tad off" on my taper .... but I quickly learnt that as long as I was functional, I should persevere with it.

Waiting for total stability was futile in my case.

 

Glad you are feeling well, MoreChoc!

 

Lizie

 

I see that you've had a cervical fusion.  I had that too.

 

So, how are you getting along after that?  Are you healed? Does your neck bother you at all now?

[[li...]]

Question:

 

When I make a dosage decrease, I feel w/d within 24 hours and it usually lasts 2-3 days, then I feel back to normal.

 

About 10 days AFTER I've made the decrease, I feel a bit off.  Nothing major, just a tad off.

 

Why is that?

 

Any input would be appreciated.

 

Some might say this "tad off" is a sign of tolerance .... and also the half-life rearing itself.

Either way .... I always felt a "tad off" on my taper .... but I quickly learnt that as long as I was functional, I should persevere with it.

Waiting for total stability was futile in my case.

 

Glad you are feeling well, MoreChoc!

 

Lizie

 

I see that you've had a cervical fusion.  I had that too.

 

So, how are you getting along after that?  Are you healed? Does your neck bother you at all now?

 

I think the limited mobility bothers me more than anything.

I do daily exercises to try to help this.

 

How about you?  Do you have full range of motion?

[[ms...]]

Hello Klub!

 

It's been a long time since I stopped in.

 

Just wanted to drop by and say that I jumped today! Took about a year to taper off of 1.5mg K (originally 2mg, though I reinstated to 1.5mg after a foolhardy attempt at a quick taper.)

 

I'm OK - not 100% but still breathing.

 

I hope you're all well. I will definitely stop in again to tell my success story once I'm "there"!

 

Take care,

-MS

[[Fl...]]

Hello Klub!

 

It's been a long time since I stopped in.

 

Just wanted to drop by and say that I jumped today! Took about a year to taper off of 1.5mg K (originally 2mg, though I reinstated to 1.5mg after a foolhardy attempt at a quick taper.)

 

I'm OK - not 100% but still breathing.

 

I hope you're all well. I will definitely stop in again to tell my success story once I'm "there"!

 

Take care,

-MS

MS,  congrats on your Freedom!!! :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

Onward to healing!  I also jumped recently.  I am happy for you and wish you well.

Flutterbye

[[Ju...]]

Hi ms0986, congrats on jumping! It has been way harder than I expected to get through the first few weeks after jumping, but I am seeing some glimmers of hope. Your message really made me wonder/ why would a doc put someone straight on 2 mg of klonopin?! I was started at 1 mg with no discussion that a lower dose may work just fine since I had never been on any other meds before. Here I am almost six years later. We will get through this!

[[ho...]]

When did this thread get moved to "Chewing the Fat" Good grief I was only away a few days and..... I will have to remember this when greeting newbies.

 

Anyway, HELLO KKlub,

 

Soooo much has been posted since I took my "break" to get my house in order for Thanksgiving. Hope all of you had a Happy one.

 

Congrats to all of you who have jumped, WELL DONE  , sooooooo happy for you.

 

Welcome to the new Klubmates  .

 

I just celebrated 4 months of K freedom on Dec 1st. I had a rough patch a month or so ago but am feeling much, much better now. I experience occasional depression and anxiety but it really isn't that bad now. It helps to know that these are still symptoms of w/d that my brain is working through rather than "true" emotions. I feel pretty confident that the days of dreading the "have to's" in life are behind me and it is refreshing to actually get excited about up coming events. The concept of being kind to ourselves is so important, not pushing too hard, taking it a day at a time and allowing for retreat when needed. I have been getting out of the house pretty much at the level I did before all of this K crap happened. I am finding that although my involvement in my friendships was almost non existent for months, it hasn't mattered as to the quality of my relationships. When I see friends now, it is as though it always was. Their lives went on as usual, mine changed tremendously, not their fault. They are happy I'm better but don't really understand my process. It's OK. I hope they never have to find out for themselves. So I'm looking forward to the Christmas Season, getting together with family and friends. I'm even looking forward to the shopping... did I just say that! LOL

 

I look forward to catching up here at the KK. Feels like I've been out of touch for far too long. Just goes to show though that much positive change can happen in a short time. Keep fighting the good fight my friends, it is worth every bit of effort that you put into it. Although I have been away... you have ALL always been in my heart and my thoughts.

 

blessings and peace,

hopeful2013

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[ho...]]

So now we are in the Support Groups area of the forum.

[[Di...]]

Question:

 

When I make a dosage decrease, I feel w/d within 24 hours and it usually lasts 2-3 days, then I feel back to normal.

 

About 10 days AFTER I've made the decrease, I feel a bit off.  Nothing major, just a tad off.

 

Why is that?

 

Any input would be appreciated.

 

Some might say this "tad off" is a sign of tolerance .... and also the half-life rearing itself.

Either way .... I always felt a "tad off" on my taper .... but I quickly learnt that as long as I was functional, I should persevere with it.

Waiting for total stability was futile in my case.

 

Glad you are feeling well, MoreChoc!

 

Lizie

 

I see that you've had a cervical fusion.  I had that too.

 

So, how are you getting along after that?  Are you healed? Does your neck bother you at all now?

 

I think the limited mobility bothers me more than anything.

I do daily exercises to try to help this.

 

How about you?  Do you have full range of motion?

 

No, I have limited range of motion. 

 

I had a 2nd cervical spine surgery 9 months after the fusion.

 

Had pins and rods placed from c5-t1, due to instability. (They went in through the back of the neck for this, and it was much more painful because of all the muscle they had to cut through.)

 

I'm still pretty stiff too.  Not sure if the stiffness will ever clear up, but I'm better than I was before the surgery.

 

Hope you are feeling well. 

[[Di...]]

Good for you MS!!

 

Let us know how you are doing as you progress.

 

 

 

[[br...]]

Hey KK

 

Just wanted to check in.  Hope all are well.

 

I just started to experience chest pains again this weeks mixed with periods of anxiety.  Sometimes it's just chest pain and some times it's just anxiety - sometimes both at the same time.  Is it the chicken or the egg?

 

The headaches and lethargy and body aches and tinnitus and a whole other host of symptoms I've experienced so far have been manageable.  These new symptoms of chest pain and bouts of high anxiety feel very unmanageable.  I've never experienced this type of chest pain in my life before.  So I'm seeing my primary doctor tomorrow to check my heart out.  If everything comes back normal I want to make an appointment to see my psych (maybe a daily dose of beta-blockers?).  I really don't want to up dose back to 1mg daily; although part of my feels like this would really make the symptoms disappear.

 

Living life one day at a time here.  Tired of this struggle but I have no other choice, right?

 

Take care all.  I miss my benzo pals.  Be well.  Be good to yourselves - this may be the biggest challenge of our lives and we have to come out the other end grateful to just be.

 

brian

[[...]]

Wow, I disappear a few days and the whole world changes   I haven't read everything since before T day but I did read Mogeii's thing about what this does to your "sense of self."  How much stronger we are in some ways than before.  It really spoke to me.  I'm actually still dealing w/ levels of ax that I never experienced before K and I have so many days when I wonder if it will ever be normal... I get so tired of the pain and tension in my muscles and that very odd stretching thing reminiscent of degenerative nerve disease.  Its so compulsive!   I hate it.... but, in a number of important ways I am better than I think I ever was... I think I may have actually grown up.   I don't just assume that my perspective is the most rational one in the room.... I can discern things better... maybe its just such an improvement from my last years on K that I feel so much saner but what ever it is,,, I'm not yet convinced I could have found it w/o this experience.  I am not nearly as assured as I ever was but I feel like I'm standing on solid ground in ways that I never did... the whole thing in "The Phantom Tollbooth" where they have to grow down to where their feet stand on the ground really seems relevant to the feeling.  Welcome all newcomers.  You've come to the right place.  Hopeful, glad to see you reemerge.   Brian, managing sx is key.  I still get headaches, not as severe as a few months ago, but they are almost daily, lethargy is rampant since the weather got colder.  Chest pain is scary at times but, I've settled into them and the more I accept they are part of my life, the less dibilitating things become.  I really believe the only difference between me and so many that end up in ER's or psych wards, or rehabs is that I know myself and I am in a supportive environment.  If you've had your heart checked, then you know the chest pain is ax.  Its not one or the other... "anxiety, anxiety, all is anxiety.    Anyway, the thing that is bothering me the most these days is I seem to have plateaued in regaining cognitive funtion.... actually, I'm still not sure maybe the cognitive sx are really just ax that is so intense that I can't perceive what it is doing to other parts of my brain.  I've gotten so used to dealing w/ it, building my environment around it that its somewhat shocking when I realize from time to time how exaggerated it really is.  I'm working on it.  Good morning to all...    Njoy

[[Ju...]]

Hi friends- I just posted my benzo free status in benzofree celebrations. It was time. Couldnt have made it without you- seriously.

 

Good to hear from you Brian. I found that every time I had to taper again it got harder. I hope you dont have to go back to 1 mg. What helps with anxiety? I have been doing LOTS of meditation and yoga nidra. I also go to the gym and even if I cant exercise much I sit in the sauna and do deep breaths. It isnt a quick fix but I think it helps, and the more you do it the more it reinforces that there are other ways besides benzos. I am sitting here drinking chamomile tea right now. I have also tried passionflower tea- the jury is out on this one as it does have an active ingredient that interacts with GABA receptors, but in a different way from benzos. I use it as my "in case of emergency break glass" treatment.

 

MS and flutterbye, keep us posted on the post-jump experience... it was way harder than I expected (and probably isnt over yet).

 

Hopeful, lizie, rek and Njoy thanks so much for sticking around to be the guardians of the KK. We need you and appreciate you! Yes, Njoy I count you with them because even though you are still tapering you bring the light of wisdom and experience (and patience).

 

Take care all,

JKS

[[Co...]]

I posted that my nephew was injured doing a flip on a ski jump in Vail. He dislocated his sternum. He was seen today in orthopedics and has been referred out to a cardio thoracic Dr. I was told today that he is lucky to be alive. His dislocation is at the level of his heart. It is not the bony anatomy. That will heal. It is what is behind it. He needs to be evaluated to see if his heart is damaged. I feel like I have been tasered. My broher and I are very close. My nephew is a bright and wonderful kid. I am 5 days past a cut and am feeling ok but my anxiety is rushing around me like a hurricane. I am telling myself that everything will be ok. It has to be. I so wish I felt healthier and could be the support person I should be. Feeling so fallible. I feel like I need someone to hold my hand.

 

Feeling the pain in Colorado :'(

[[ho...]]

Colorado Chick,

 

So sorry... It is so hard when our loved ones are hurting and especially hard when we are going through the storm too. I feel your pain. Sending you hugs and a hand to hold. Let us know how it goes for your nephew, I'll say a prayer for him.

 

blessings,

hopeful2013

[[Co...]]

thanks hopeful,

 

I am feeling more grounded this morning. I talked with my brother last night and he understands how serious this is and also that it will get figured out. The worrying just makes it worse. My anxiety level is on the rise again. I was feeling ok after cutting 6 days ago but that has changed. I woke up about an hour ago and as soon as I stood up I realized I am sick. Nausea, dizzy, anxiety, tinnitus is louder. Hanging on to the life raft again.

[[Di...]]

I posted that my nephew was injured doing a flip on a ski jump in Vail. He dislocated his sternum. He was seen today in orthopedics and has been referred out to a cardio thoracic Dr. I was told today that he is lucky to be alive. His dislocation is at the level of his heart. It is not the bony anatomy. That will heal. It is what is behind it. He needs to be evaluated to see if his heart is damaged. I feel like I have been tasered. My broher and I are very close. My nephew is a bright and wonderful kid. I am 5 days past a cut and am feeling ok but my anxiety is rushing around me like a hurricane. I am telling myself that everything will be ok. It has to be. I so wish I felt healthier and could be the support person I should be. Feeling so fallible. I feel like I need someone to hold my hand.

 

Feeling the pain in Colorado :'(

 

So very sorry, cc.

 

Keeping you, your family, and nephew in my thoughts and prayers.

 

Difficult times. 

[[br...]]

Hey KK:

 

Thank you guys for the supportive and helpful suggestions.

 

I saw my primary doctor yesterday about my chest pain.  He took my blood pressure and did an EKG.  Everything came back normal.  He said we could do a more comprehensive workup (stress test, etc.) but he felt very strongly that it was caused by anxiety that is arising from being on a lower dose of Klonopin.  My primary MD does not seem to understand benzo dependence or the concept of withdrawal symptoms.  My psychiatrist, who proscribes me the Klonopin, is also not understanding of benzo dependence or the concept of withdrawal symptoms.  After all this time, it still baffles me.

 

To clarify my last post, the only symptoms I am experiencing right now are chest pains and bouts of anxiety (not reaching panic attack level but pretty close sometimes).  During all the other cuts, I experienced heart palpitations here and there but nothing to this intensity and frequency.  I also experienced bouts of anxiety with previous cuts but again not to this intensity and frequency.  Also, in the past these symptoms peaked at about 3 weeks post-taper and then waned.  Now it just feels like these symptoms are here to stay and this is the "new normal" for me.  In contrast, I experienced many other symptoms in past cuts that were manageable (headaches, body aches, tinnitus, lethargy, cog-fog, GI issues, etc) and again they began to wane about 3 weeks post-taper.

 

Even though my current symptoms are solely chest pain and high anxiety - it is the most unmanageable portion of this process.    I already up dosed from .5 mg K daily back to .75 K mg daily about a month ago because of these symptoms.  It seemed to help significantly at first; but for the last week the chest pain and high anxiety came right back.  I have not had a full blown panic attack since I up dosed, which I guess is an improvement.

 

But I can't stress enough that these symptoms are debilitating.  I work in a high stress, mentally and physically demanding area of healthcare.  My symptoms seem most extreme when I am at work.  It's possible that I appear normal to people throughout the work day.  The truth is that I am barely holding it together - each day is a struggle.  This is a world away from my previous symptoms where I definitely felt unwell but not "on the edge" so to speak.

 

While this type of chronic daily chest pain is a brand new experience for me; the states of high anxiety I am beginning to remember are familiar to me.  I think it's a survival mechanism to repress difficult periods in our lives or unpleasant emotion states.  I've been flooded with memories of times in my past that I have felt just like this (minus the chest pain).  I've experienced this type of anxiety at different points in my life, prior to taking benzos and prior to taking an antidepressant.  I remember it from childhood.  I remember it from adolescence and school.  I remember it from college. 

 

When I experience high anxiety, it's like a switch goes from "normal mode" to "altered mode" with little warning.  I experience a shift in the way I perceive things around me.  Familiar people and places just look different - surreal and sometimes slightly threatening.  I have trouble finding words and the normal flow of my mind is disrupted.  I do not feel like myself at all.  My instinct is too flee whatever situation I am in.  Sometimes this state will linger, making daily activities very difficult and uncomfortable, and eventually it fades away; or sometimes it spikes into a full-blown debilitating panic-attack.

 

In my past, sometimes it was difficult life circumstances that would bring on these high anxiety states or sometimes simply at random.  Talk therapy and an antidepressant, that I started about 13 years ago (at the age of 21), greatly helped and these high anxiety states became very infrequent.  I made various failed attempts in my 20s to discontinue the antidepressants but the high anxiety and panic (and depression) would send me back to my doctor for more antidepressants.

 

The high anxiety and panic attacks started up again about 6 years ago (about the age of 28).  This is when my psych recommended occasional Xanax which soon turned into daily Klonopin.  I was then on a cocktail of a daily antidepressant and a daily Klonopin dose, with Xanax as needed for acute panic attacks.  While I was not happy about taking on a second daily psych med, the truth is that it greatly helped with the high anxiety states and made the panic attacks disappear entirely.  I became functional again.

 

So a little over a year ago, my current psych insisted that I attempt to come off Klonopin, as I was always saying I would like to "one day."  My daily Klonopin dose had escalated over the years and had peaked to 4mg daily.  I had already dropped the Xanax as needed, by this point; however I was still on an antidepressant then and still am today.  I got benzo-wise and found benzobuddies and klonopin klub and have struggled to get from 4mg K daily to .75mg K daily.  I've experienced a whole host of symptoms which I would truly not believe to be possible if I had not experienced them for myself.  You guys know the list: headaches, body aches, tinnitus, muscle pain, malaise, cog-fog, benzo-sick, tmj problems, GI problems, nausea, stomach pain, sleep disturbances, skin problems, etc, etc, etc.

 

While all the past tapers have been difficult, this last cut from .75mg K daily to .5mg K daily brought on this high anxiety and chest pain that will not abate.  Even the up dose from .5mg K daily back to .75mg K daily have not fully stopped the high anxiety and chest pain.  As I've written before, if I was not working right now, I would continue the taper despite these horrible symptoms.  Alas, I need to remain functional enough to work.  I have no financial safety net and I live paycheck to paycheck.

 

I am really having trouble with the high anxiety because I am now vividly remembering it from my past.  I am really questioning whether it is a withdrawal symptom or a return of my baseline emotional state.  I am scared and confused.

 

I am finally making an appointment with a psychiatrist who specializes in getting people off benzos.  He is out of my budget at $150 a session with a minimum of 2 sessions monthly.  But I figure losing my job over crippling anxiety is also out of my budget.  Ha!  I want to have an initial session with him and get his take on my current situation.  Hopefully he can shed some light and offer a fresh perspective.  I have really hit a wall here.

 

My feeling is that I also want to make an appointment with my current psych and likely up dose back to 1mg K daily.  I don't want to;  but I don't feel like I have many options at this point.  It could be some back pedaling to move forward in the future.  Part of me feels like I would need to take a leave of absence from work to really come off of Klonopin - but again no financial resources to do this.  I'm certainly not able to retire yet at 34 years old.

 

Sorry for these long posts I do on here sometimes.  I'm just not sure where else to bring this stuff.  My friends and family have hit compassion burnout.  I don't blame them.  They have been listening to this stuff for more than a year.  I am sick of talking about it; but, these problems do not resolve on their own like a bad cold or a sprained ankle.  I have talk therapy but my therapist has no personal experience with benzos and it's just a different sort of platform.

 

Be well all.  As always any feedback is invaluable.

 

xoxo

 

brian

[[br...]]

 

So I just made an appointment with the psych who specializes in getting people off benzos.  It's $300 a session.  Oh New York City.    He said his discount is $250 a session with a minimum of 2 sessions a month.  So that would be $1,000 a month or $6,000 for a year.  Wow.  He really seems to know his stuff though after speaking to him on the telephone just now.  He is as benzo-wise as can be.  He said I could always just have a couple session to get a second opinion with how to proceed in my taper.  So I will see him on Wednesday.  Wish me luck.

 

brian

[[re...]]

Hey, folks -

 

Overwhelmed and not very present here lately--sorry about that, but have truly been thinking of you guys.  Congratulations to those who have jumped recently, and all wishes for as smooth a transition as possible!

 

ms, it's really nice to hear from you--as others have said already--and to know that you've made progress!

 

ColoradoChick, I am so sorry to hear about your brother--how frightening.  A KK member who hasn't been on here much lately had a sort of similar scare a while back, though it was a different health issue.  Her brother is doing fine now--fingers crossed your brother will soon be mended as well.

 

Brian, I'm sorry about your dilemma!  For whatever it's worth, there've been others here who've not only up-dosed but done some serious yo-yoing with Klonopin, and still kicked it in the end.  I'm thinking for example of SkyZone, who jumped recently after a lot of vicissitudes before he settled on a steady taper that really worked for him--you could maybe check out his progress log if you want:

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=66975.msg1232972#msg123297

I think, at any rate, that he's doing OK.

 

I have to keep this post brief, but do want also to say: JKS, you are so WELCOME--this is in response to your thanks that some of us have stuck around.  I stick around, as best I can, out of gratitude, because BenzoBuddies, and especially the Klonopin Klub, did so much for me when I was a total mess.  I look forward to when everyone else here can also say, "when I WAS xyz" (fill in the blank--not necessarily "a mess," but "struggling," "freaking out," or whatever your particular set of issues may be).  Emphasis on the past tense.  You'll all get there, I have confidence.

 

Warm wishes for windows (hey, it alliterates!  Or something) to everyone -

 

Peace,

 

Rek

 

[[Ju...]]

Where is everyone today? I'm having a cruddy day, trying to hold on to my memories of yesterday. I am crying again. I realized for the longest time while on klonopin I never cried. So maybe this is healing too.