Online Support....Can it make things worse?

[[Co...]]

Jenny, I bet you would look so cute in a pink caddy lol...what color is your hair these days? xoxo

[[Sp...]]

The raw emotion that is expressed in some posts make me feel so connected in a human way and has saved my sanity on may occasions. I feel like we are all holding hands as we heal. I feel a lot of love, compassion and understanding. How can that be bad?

[[BY...]]

Hi KRock,

 

It was nice to hear from you.

 

I tried to return you a PM but I'm blocked from doing so.

 

Mike

[[KR...]]

ByeByeMatrix.....Geez Mike..Sorry about the blocked PM. I shut my PM box down from receiving any incoming messages a while ago. It tells anyone that trys to PM me that they've been blocked. It has nothing to do with you in particular or anyone else for that matter. People must think I'm mad at them or something when they try to hit me up. So not the case.  LOL You know your one of my cold turkey coaches from way back in the day. Your story was a true inspiration to me when I was early on in this deal. You have been thru hell and back and people should take note of your story and pull energy from it. Knowing you then and knowing you now is a amazing change around. You went from OUT of your mind  to a cool, calm, collective human. Who would of known!!!  Thanks again for the posts when I needed someone to talk to when things were very dark for me early on. I always thought I could relate to you based on what you've been through. You were one of the people I would self talk to myself about and say "If Mike can detox off a large amount of this crap and heal, anyone can". Take care. Glad you made it to the other side. Your the man. 

 

Rock

[[ja...]]

Colleen..Hi..

 

LOL.You sure know me. I cant keep a color for more then a Month. I have a Plethora of colors now. I have alot of Funky Highlights...I was Black prior to this. Then Red prior to that.And as you know Blonde before  that.Just keepin it Fresh...hahah.

 

How are you ?

 

XO~Jenny

[[...]]

Ive had to make some major adjustments in my life due to the backlash and rebound effects of coming off this stuff.  And I mean MAJOR. It seems like whatever you were put on benzos for in the first place will come at you 10 fold while coming off of it. Be it health issues or whatever. Ive seen alot of people have to address their original anxiety/health issues in order to make their withdrawls go easier. If you were put on it for work stress. Guess what? The stress of your job is still there. You just muted it out with a drug for a while. It will be waiting for you and seem 100x worse due to your now hyper excited mind. If your spouse bugs the hell out of you and you took some "chill pills" to cope with them. Guess what? That annoying person is still there but now you have to deal with them drug free. Wouldn't that suck. Now your in withdrawl in your house with a person that you were originally put on the pills for in the first place. Makes for some long days for sure. Whatever was causing you anxiety and made it so you couldn't sleep at night. You better make sure those things are not still bothering you or else your going to be laying in bed staring at the ceiling alot or pacing the halls of your house aimlessly in the middle of the night. That's why its so important to address these issues before you come off this stuff. Life is waiting for you and its not always the calm pretty place as it seems while your under the influence of a tranquilizer. 

 

Rock

 

 

Well not to be a bummer but I was put on this for PTSD. Which is nothing anyone deals with, but rather learns to live with.

 

And in comparison to an annoying husband or work space it can feel like you're being tortured several time a day.  Which you are...by your own brain chemicals.

 

And 20-25 percent of people with PTSD try to kill themselves.

 

So it was a little bit more then a chill pill.

And this was the first medication I tried. Possibly my last. 

[[In...]]

Goto,

 

There's absolutely nothing good about PTSD for sure. It's "Trauma" with a capital T, and is one of the Anxiety Disorders in the DSM. And it generally "resets" the brains baseline reactivity standard to a higher level quickly.

 

And there is what is now termed "ambient trauma" which is a lot of the upsets we must deal with in our everyday life, but are generally considered less traumatic than a major upset. But for many and often most people, these also are not the equivalent of arguing with spouses or children, or work related stress: it's more like constant putdowns by others, learning disabilities, bullying and teasing at school, struggling constantly to make ends meet, and on and on.

 

But these ambient traumas, trauma with a small t, can and do also reset the brains baseline reactivity standard to higher level over a period of time, until that person also has a harder time being able to "self soothe," and just generally deal with much stress at all w/o being fairly upset and sometimes over reacting.

 

And it was pretty standard a few years ago to use these benzos to deal with all the anxiety disorders and sleep issues in addition. I sense more hesitancy with that now, but they certainly can be helpful in handling anxiety as they have been in the past. But now, the general plan is to do more of this CBT and DBT once someone has been able to get some calm in their life and thus not continue to use the benzos as the main way.

 

So it's becomes a matter of retraining and "resetting" the brain to lower that response/reactivity baseline which frankly is not an easy task. It does take the work of experts in this area. So I certainly hope you are able to access that, as PTSD is more than the "average" or even the "cumulative" traumas that we often deal with in life.

 

Intend

[[KR...]]

Goto... The things I talked about in my last post were just examples as far as stressfull jobs and crazy spouses. I wasn't insinuating that they pertained to you or anyone else on here. Just examples. I got on benzos after my 19 year old sister died unexpectedly. So i had my own Post Traumatic situation going on. But instead of me working through it and grieving like a normal human being I muted out all my feelings with Valium with the help of my doctor. Not smart by any means. But effective. I should of dealt with my anxiety and emotions through other means such as therapy or whatever. I know this now.

 

As far as people with PTSD wanting to kill themselves. I didn't have that symptom from the trauma of my sister dieing. I had EXTREME suicidal Ideation when I did a cold turkey off these drugs though. I wanted to die and thought about killing myself 24/7 for many many months when I detoxed off this stuff. It wasn't just a small thought here and there either. It was all over me all the time. I had to talk to other members on here that went through this to check myself and repeat to myself that I was safe. The suicidal thoughts i had while going through this were hands down the WORST thing Ive ever experienced in my life. They were very graphic thoughts that I couldn't believe were in my mind.

 

Most people do have a conscious underneath everything they think. People have more control over these things than people give themselves credit for. Its not easy. But it can be done. Some will say well I have a chemical imbalance that makes me like this. Well so did I. Every chemical in my brain was imbalanced for over a year from this experience. Its really a matter of addressing your situation or problems and have the inner strength to persevere.

 

Im sure you will find all the support you need here to detox safely off these drugs. But as Intend to be Off posted. "It's becomes a matter of retraining and "resetting" the brain to lower that response/reactivity baseline". Which that takes alot of time and patience as many are finding out.

 

Rock

[Guest [...]]

goto

 

i have ptsd where did you get your stats from this is one of those things you read and go mmm online support is not good for me.  Now just another thing to worry about.

 

Lizzy

[[Co...]]

goto

 

i have ptsd where did you get your stats from this is one of those things you read and go mmm online support is not good for me.  Now just another thing to worry about.

 

Lizzy

 

Hi Lizzy,

 

Just to point out (referring to goto's comments), it matters not one jot what others do or might do. I don't know where those stats come from, but even if true, they are only true for whom they are true for - if you see what I mean. If you are not affected similarly, knowing what others do does not reflect upon you and your situation.

[Guest [...]]

Hey Colin

 

Nice of you to comment and know you are a real person haha.  Yes I know but when I was first told to go c/t of benzos i was so suicidal had never given it a thought in my life.  Because of my experience in the last year not just with benzos but a bad reaction to other meds I have severe ptsd.  Remembering that i have just come down from large doses of benzos which my doctors all do not believe that there is any such thing as benzo withdrawal that doesnt last past a few weeks its very difficult to stay positive.  My fear is that this will all get to much and am scared I will not cope.  Just saying that when you get up and see this stuff you start to worry like what if that happens to me.  Does that mean Ive got a 1 in 4 chance of this happening?  and then you know how when you are vulnerable you do start imagining the worst.  I will take on board what you say though and agree that everyone is entitled to their opinions and obviously no disrespect at all to goto.

 

Lizzy

[[KR...]]

Colin... I'm so HAPPY you came out and said this.  People in withdrawl and on this site should take HEED to the words in your post. You stated "it matters NOT one jot what others do or might do. I don't know where those stats come from, but even if true, they are ONLY true for whom they are true for - if you see what I mean. If you are not affected similarly, knowing what others do does NOT reflect upon you and your situation." That's the BEST advise EVER!    People need to quit trying to COMPARE their situations to others. No two withdrawls are the same. They need to hear this from someone such as yourself because its the TRUTH. Thanks again for laying it down!!!!!!!! I might just make the words in your post my new screen saver. LOL Words to live by while going through this deal for sure!

 

Rock

 

[Guest [Da...]]

Hey KRock:

 

I thought I had upset you so much with my PM (just being honest how I felt) to you back then re:.... I was so hurt when I tried to PM you with an "I'm ok now message" and I was blocked. It hurts to be blocked.

 

Danni

[[KR...]]

Hey KRock:

 

I thought I had upset you so much with my PM (just being honest how I felt) to you back then re:.... I was so hurt when I tried to PM you with an "I'm ok now message" and I was blocked. It hurts to be blocked.

 

Danni

 

Geez Danni... Don't feel bad. I shut down my PM box from receiving any incoming messages awhile ago. It has nothing to do with you. If anyone trys to PM me it says their blocked. Sorry if it upset you. Its just the way this site generates a automatic message when you have it set up like that. I'm sure people think like "What the hell did I do to him to deserve this" LOL Well the answer is nothing! I hope your doing well. Stay positive.

 

Rock

[Guest [Da...]]

I'm cool with that. My tapering is going ok. Hope you are doing well.

 

Danni

[Guest [Da...]]

Recently, I have been thinking about on-line support and forums with a different perspective. I am a newbie to forums so maybe I haven't acquired a "tough skin" or it may be a self-esteem issue. I like to speak my mind because that is the way I am.

 

Sometimes I post something and then afterwards (the next day or sooner) I start to think that some of it was inappropriately stated (nothing disrespectful). Then, I start to worry and the worry turns into anxiety. I end up feeling anxious on a forum that is here to help me feel better. This doesn't happen all the time, but I do feel it about 30% of the time. I wish I didn't feel this way because I want to belong. So that feuls it more. Then I think why do I even care because no one really knows me anyway. Looks like circular thought here. Thanks.

 

I just want to know if anyone feels anxiety at times after posting something on-line? I really need to know if others do because I can't find anything on the Internet after searching this topic.

 

Please let me know that others do, so I don't feel so alone. Or, just your thoughts.

 

Danni

[[ha...]]

Hi Danni,

I did when I first started. There is an hysterical interchange between pj and me about raising chickens, because I was worried that he was serious and needed help learning how to raise chickens. At the end, it was so funny, it probably was that set of posts that made me relax. It took awhile, but as my general anxiety decreased and my sense of acceptance here increased, it went away. I even used to write posts in my word processor before I would post them.

This is a place where you can speak your mind.  If you look at the forum ground rules that Colin put out, I think I could paraphrase it and say that we shouldn't be mean, inflammatory or disrespectful of each other.

[[pi...]]

Hi Danni,

 

I know just how you feel.  I still go back and reread some of my posts because I tend to "speak" from the gut and the heart and write what I feel.  Of course I'm rereading them after I have posted them.  Usually I am happy or at least satisfied with what I wrote.

 

Yes Hanna, I remember the chicken thing.  Some times being silly and funny has been the best thing for me, a real release.

 

pianogirl

[Guest [Da...]]

Thanks Hanna and Pianogirl for your insights. I appreciate it. The other day I actually used Word to write out a post on teeth pain (it was quite lengthy) but then I decided not to post it.

 

I really don't want to feel anxious afterwards once I have posted something anymore. The anxious feeling passes anyway, but I end up focusing on it.  Maybe I have postaphobia (just made it up a new phobia...maybe they can add it to the Psychiatric Bible).

 

It doesn't happen all the time, just sometimes. I have over 250 posts on here and I still question myself at times. I will work on that and see how it goes. At least others feel that way. Thanks so much.

 

Danni

[[pi...]]

postaphobia  love it! 

 

Of course, treated with camomile tea, NOT benzos!

[[ha...]]

Hysterical. Postaphobia!!!     

Pianogirl recommends camomile. I have found that mint tea works for it as well, especially for morning posts.

[[be...]]

Glad I'm not alone.  I've got postaphobia too Danni, Hanna,  Pianogirl.  I figure it's an improvement over obsessive angry looping thoughts about doctors.  Now I can also obsess about things I've said here, or not said or didn't say well enough....  Sometimes I modify obsessively until the modify option no longer is available.  I hate feeling so anxious after a post as well.  The havoc this benzo w/d can wreak is pervasive, nuts.   

[[jr...]]

postaphobia  love it! 

 

Of course, treated with camomile tea, NOT benzos!

 

I'm Jenn, and I'm a postaphobiac

[[ha...]]

Hi Jenn. Welcome to postaphobics anonymous. You will find many supportive people. 

There is a program for this. We do not advice cold turkey, though we are not postaphobic experts, so your local expert may help you more.

Be very aware, though, that the big concern here is that attendance here and support could very likely contribute to you becoming a postaphilic, as many of us are.

[[be...]]

Jenn, you may also be forced to drink chamomile tea, as a treatment.