Online Support....Can it make things worse?

[[jr...]]

Hi Jenn. Welcome to postaphobics anonymous. You will find many supportive people. 

There is a program for this. We do not advice cold turkey, though we are not postaphobic experts, so your local expert may help you more.

Be very aware, though, that the big concern here is that attendance here and support could very likely contribute to you becoming a postaphilic, as many of us are.

 

Since many postophobics are also agoraphobic like me, attendance here may be sketchy, but I am determined to see this through to the end.  I am determined to overcome postophobia.

[[jr...]]

Jenn, you may also be forced to drink chamomile tea, as a treatment.

 

I would drink sewer water if it would help with w/d.

[[In...]]

I also would try "many things" to get through this with my mind intact. Hopefully, a sensible taper will suffice.

 

Intend

[[KR...]]

Well I have to ask myself this question again. Online support... can it make things worse??? There's only one answer I have for that question. HELL YES!!!!! The last 24 hours on this site have been riddled with some scary stuff. Did it effect me? Dam right it did. People need to take into consideration what other people are going through before they come on here and scare the hell out of them. Its selfish to come on here with certain subject matter and blast the entire community. Certain subjects and topics can be handled via PM with Admin. You don't need to throw it out there for the whole world to read and then down play it like it was no big deal. This withdrawl is very serious business and should not be taken lightly by anyone going through it. Everyone that deploys on this journey has a responsibility to insure their own safety. They owe it to themselves and their family.

[[Ti...]]

Well said Krock. I agree completely.

[[ja...]]

Perfectly Said!!!!!!!!

[[bl...]]

I have trouble posting because I feel like I'm being judged and that people don't much like me because of how I say things or due to my perspectives. I'm very sensitive and warm in real life but also avoid connecting with too many people because I am terrified of being singled out as "weird" by anyone. 

 

Also, I try not to overuse the word "I" when starting sentences, but it's been so ingrained in me from therapy that I think I sound like a massive narcissist when typing (I'm not).

 

I have regret after almost every post that I make and constantly think about leaving this site even though it's supportive because I think I will sound irritating, like I'm debating, or be alienating with people. I'm completely terrified of conflict of any sort but just as nervous about saying anything inauthentic. 

[[ha...]]

Blueorchidlady,

I am glad that you posted that. I expect you are sensitive and warm. I am thinking that many people who end up on benzos are because we are bothered more by things than most people.

I hope you keep posting.

Please, I hope you do not regret your last post. You have not alienated. Nothing to regret.

[[bl...]]

Blueorchidlady,

I am glad that you posted that. I expect you are sensitive and warm. I am thinking that many people who end up on benzos are because we are bothered more by things than most people.

I hope you keep posting.

Please, I hope you do not regret your last post. You have not alienated. Nothing to regret.

 

Thank you hanna. I post as many sort of factual replies as I can to try to help people. That's the teacher in me. The person in me still has little idea of how to open up fully because you're right that it's hard to be sensitive, especially when I am. Very. Thank you for your kind words. They are more appreciated than you realize. It's been a hard few days.

[[In...]]

Well,

 

I have been experiencing many odd sx since I tried to crossover to K, and now I am back to X. But the K effects have not left me, so when I say in my signature line that it is a wild ride and still continuing, I am not kidding. And for me, I do have a very hard time even making light of anything right now.

 

In addition to that, I am by nature a rather serious person so I often do not recognize a light moment or know how to write one. And this has been magnified by my current situation so that I am not always sure that I am making sense or that I am reading what others are saying correctly. And then there is still some real live fear that I have of various subjects that can be totally amped up quickly by my own real life events.

 

So I often wonder if I should post anymore (even as I obviously have) because there are moments when I am unsure of myself and how I will be interpreted. This is w/o doubt a very troubling situation for me. But I do feel it will end, and I will "come to my senses" but I will still be a serious person who is wanting to succeed at w/d and get on with life.

 

Intend

[[bl...]]

Intend to be... you are one of the posters who I most understand and identify with here. I would be sad if you weren't here, FWIW.

[[In...]]

Blue,

 

That is worth a lot to me. I appreciate your supportive statements. These are difficult times forvall of us w/o doubt. I often write at length and it is often a lot, but sometimes this online support is truly a lifeline.

 

In that respect, it is a good avenue for us when we have this need to express our thoughts and feelings, even when unsure and for me oftentimes "strange" and "not who I really am" at the moment.

 

Thank you for your understanding.

 

Intend

[[BY...]]

Hi all,

 

I just wanted to give my thoughts on support, be it online or face to face. This my own personal thought and my experience, before benzo's on benzo's and the recovery process. Bear with me.

 

Over 20 years ago, some very life changing events happened. I lost my brother, a daughter and a very cool Grandfather, it all happened within 90 days. That was more than one could take and soon found myself disconnected from everything. My mind was constantly going with unanswered questions and wishing to have some final words with them.

A few months later I made an appointment with a psychiatrist. As much as he tried, he really couldn't help me. I couldn't and didn't, want to let anyone into my space, I just wanted my pain to stop.("By the way, you can have dp/dr with panic anxiety without stopping a drug.") I'm sure you all know that as stressful events can bring those on. Anyway, so, he started me out on Xanax, Prozac and finally Klonopin. The Klonopin worked for a long time but, in it's subtleness through the years, had no idea how much it had changed me.

Now, I could blame him for me being on Klonopin for such a long time, or maybe, the blame could be on me? After all, what choice did I give him? Maybe the blame could be a little bit on both of us? It doesn't really matter anymore, it's the past.

 

What gave me a wake up call on how much the drug changed me, was when my sister was diagnosed with brain cancer "glioblastoma multiforme". They later did surgery to confirm what type it was. After the surgery the Doctor came out to let us know what he had found. The news wasn't good and my sister was given a year to live. While all that was going on, there was no feeling of emotion, no tears, nothing! Even the days following, the feeling was the same. She was not only a  big sister but, a mentor, a mother in my younger years and a best friend. Oh, I loved her and knew how much she would be missed. However, that big empty emotionless hole was still in me. About a year after she passed, I quit Klonopin, thinking it had stolen a part of me.

 

To fast forward a bit to when I first came here. Was well into the process by that time and after reading many posts on the forum, it made me feel that I wasn't alone. When it came to posting it wasn't usually about myself, it was a response to a another person, who was in pain. This is what helped me and there are some others on the forum like that. It's a good balance we have here, of both people who post and those who reply to them.

 

There were some people here that I latched onto and am thankful for their help and patience. To be honest, one does question their own well being at times and if you are open to them, the words of others can help you, more then you know and maybe more then they really know. Their words helped me many times. Their words were especially helpful when I had to relive all those life changing events because of the intrusive thoughts, that came to me in waves. It was like everything was happening again, in real time again. This time though, I was feeling everything emotionally, times 10, or maybe, I forgot what it was like to truly feel again. Hard to say.

 

 

Just to add one final thought, if you are open to asking for help you will be helped, but it's a big step for anyone to ask. Once you open yourself up, everything flows so much easier. That is how this forum helped me personally and it may not be for everyone but, there are good psychiatrists, therapists and doctors out there who will listen. Just don't be afraid to open up and ask.

 

I have met others here with similar events that happened in their life and what I've said is not the worst that's happened to someone. It doesn't matter when it comes to pain, it hurts us all the same way.

 

My best to everyone,

Mike

[[ve...]]

Interesting thread.  I think that as others have mentioned, there can be pluses and minuses from participation in a benzo forum, just as there can be with participating in some outside group support in the "real world".  One seems to have access to more people's views on a forum which stretches across borders and many countries.

 

It's a little controversial but I'll say that I was not getting very good medical advice when I stumbled across another benzo forum a few years back, which seemed to validate what I was going through.  If I had not found that forum, I might have made some not so great decisions, based on the medical advice I was getting at the time. 

 

Once my experience was validated on a forum, I was all the stronger to go out and get other medical opinions until I found one who was open to what was happening, rather than the "party line" that many seem to hear from so many doctors out there "It can't be withdrawal after this many weeks"...  That being said, I did not agree with all of the advice on that forum and ultimately joined BB.  I sometimes don't agree with advice others are giving here either.  Sometimes it can be confusing to someone who is suffering, to get multiple views at a time when they are not sure whether or not they can even make a good decision.  I think it is an important point to make.  Nobody has all the answers, not here or anywhere.  That being said, I think having access to more information is better than less information.

 

Doctors are human too and are prone to making mistakes too.  My mother had panic attacks when I was growing up.  Psychiatrists put her on a cocktail of a/ds and benzos which I believe ultimately led to her early demise.  Psychiatrists are generally in the business of adding medications, not tapering one off so it's no surprise that many are not believers in taper plans, the Ashton Manual or getting one off medications, at least not without adding new ones.

 

I had to go to a neurologist to ultimately get proper medical care and without other medications.  Most of the support I got here on forum was emotional support at a difficult time when my taper was ending and my father almost died after several years with cancer.  He fortunately survived and is still alive and kicking.  I have tried to give back some of my time after I wrote my success story last year.  If I had one point to make, it would be that one must advocate for oneself.  Nobody else is going to do this for you.  You might get a lot of support here but we all must step up to the plate and take charge of our own care.  I know I won't blindly listen to one doctor's views if I have a gut feeling that it doesn't feel right.  I recommend the book "How Doctors Think" by Jerome Groopman. 

 

I think it's important to take things with a grain of salt.  Like anything else, moderation is often a wise approach.  If you find yourself obsessing for hours and hours about your symptoms and spending more than about an hour or two a day on forum, maybe it's time to take a break, get outdoors, get some exercise or do something else.

 

Vertigo

[Guest [Da...]]

Hi Intend:

 

In addition to that, I am by nature a rather serious person so I often do not recognize a light moment or know how to write one. And this has been magnified by my current situation so that I am not always sure that I am making sense or that I am reading what others are saying correctly.

 

I am like that too. Mostly serious and I analyze too much. I recognize light moments, but I don't know how to respond to them. I take my benzo tapering seriously and am constantly looking for factual information. I do a lot of benzo research, but I want to stop that too because I think it is consuming me. So, I am trying to live out my life while tapering off benzos (s/x are manageable) and I want to remain optimistic because that is the way I started out. I still am positive.

 

I just don't want to be misinterpretted when I post something on here and that is my worry, then anxiety hits me. You are right...even though people say my posts are just fine, I still may worry about a certain post...it is a subjective issue. Maintaining my blog is too overwhelming for me so I don't want to do that anymore. Mostly, I post something if the subject is of interest to me, and I feel I have clarity of thought.

 

So, take this post as an example: I think (also feel a bit anxious right now)...did I get my message across; I know I was respectful but... Why do I even care what people think if I know I was thoughtful in my response? This is the analytical part of me that causes anxiety. So, I stay off BB when I start to feel this way. I think that is why I never belonged to forums before.

 

Danni

[Guest [...]]

Hey Mike

 

just want to say sorry and acknowledge the loss of your family members must have been a very difficult time for you.  I can identify will the cool grandfather.  I lost my pop at age ten and still feel the loss.

 

Lizzy

[[In...]]

Danni,

 

You absolutely did get your message across and it was very respectful in addition. I think you care what people think because you realize your posts will be read, and whether they are commented upon or not, people will form an opinion.

 

Even no comment about a post is a comment. I tend to write a lot in my posts, and I have been told that others have wondered why I do write so much. It is apparently sometimes too much for others to read, particularly since we are all dealing with w/d issues, and also basically looking for some help and some answers for ourselves. And I often realize that I do write a lot, and there are many times that there is no comment. For me that is a comment, and I recognize that. But I have to let that go because I do tend to say a lot, and it can be overwhelming to read so much.

 

So some of this posting is just to help me "get it out" even during these times that Im having now where I do not feel like myself at all. And other posts are to respond to others. I find that I am very able to answer questions or inquiries that are more oriented around nutrition, figuring out "math type" questions about amounts to titrate, various medications, and lots of stuff non-benzo related. But I am not very good at the symptomology anymore because Ive just been through a little too much lately, and it just amps up my wariness about my problems.

 

Also I have lost some confidence in myself because of what Ive been through here with trying and failing the klonopin adventure, and generally Im not feeling as well physically. So I think we all want to "appeal" to others, have others value our opinions, and really listen to us. But overall, I just cant afford to worry too much about it anymore although I certainly value other people and their general worth. Ive just written another mouthful, but thats just me. I also have an altered voice which makes it difficult to actually speak in "real life," so the written word is all important to me.

 

Intend

[[KR...]]

Sometimes the best post is no post at all. There are hundreds of topic lines on this site in which my opinion wouldn't benefit the poster at all. It would just confuse their situation even more. I tend to disagree with alot of what people post to others and feel it can mislead them and guide them down the wrong path. ie.. meds, tapers, ect. So I tend to keep quite for the most part. Screw getting in some heated debate. I mean many of times I just want to post to people that they are crazy if their reading into anything that these people are saying to them about certain subjects. Like I want to throw some cold water on them or something and say "Wake the HELL UP!!" They stuff your reading is bad for you". Many of the members here are not thinking rational and can barely take care of themselves. Yet their giving advise to others. So when I say sometimes the best post is No post at all. What I'm really saying is that I'm just refraining myself from calling people out on all the BS their telling other members. It would be a full time job to keep up with. Time and energy I don't have.

 

Rock

[Guest [Da...]]

Hi BYBYMatrix:

 

Just to add one final thought, if you are open to asking for help you will be helped, but it's a big step for anyone to ask. Once you open yourself up, everything flows so much easier. That is how this forum helped me personally and it may not be for everyone but, there are good psychiatrists, therapists and doctors out there who will listen. Just don't be afraid to open up and ask.

 

You are right about opening up to ask for help being a big step on a forum. This is very hard for me to do on-line. I lean more toward being a cynic and I am private by nature. When I try to open up sometimes, I then want to delete my long post, but if I wait too long it is too late and I feel regretful that I gave out this information about myself (moment of weakness) and it is now undeletable. Right now I would love to post how I feel but I won't... because it is me experiencing a s/x that I know about already and I don't want to get anyone down.

 

It is back to what KRock said in his original post:

 

Then to top it off you will post something and you get respones from certain people that you have no idea of their past medical history. You don't know them at all. Like what meds their were on, if there still on meds, or lets say their still on other psych meds and just don't want to tell you because they think people will look down on them. Their really just some screen name telling you whats up. You have NO idea if these people are telling you the truth about anything.

 

This was always in the back of mind...even before joining a help forum. I don't know any of these people really...as nice, helpful and friendly they are. Absolutely nothing except what they have posted. Recently, my husband noted to me that I should maybe stay away from BB because of the horror stories that I sometimes stumble upon especially the benzo-free stories. Then from the negativity doubtful emotions flood in and confusion sets in.

 

For me, face-to-face therapy can also be difficult. I did talk therapy with a few Pdocs (depression) and I always found it hard to open up. When I had an appointment, all of a sudden I would feel better mentally or my mind went blank, so it was difficult to open up. I was always lost for words. In order to open up I have to be in that mood right then and there whereby I can articulate my feelings. Hence, face-to-face with a professional stranger is just as hard for me.

 

So, as you can see, I am confused at times. That is what my benzo brain is doing to me (comes and goes).  Do I go on BB and post? If I just read, will it hinder my tapering due to negativity that I stumbled on? Yes it does. But, I find useful information at times and I copy it into Word so BB is good that way. I enjoy Chewing the Fat section. I get discouraged when I read that it will take 6 months to 2 years to feel better (whatever that means) when you are off benzos. So I stay away from BB and then I come back because my GP who is monitoring my tapering isn't available 24/7. But then I need validity of what I am going through is real by reading other people's posts on BB. I just don't have that right now off-line. I will be seeing a counseller (addiction specialist) to get support with my benzo w/d and tapering. Basically, I have non-benzo people supporting me who are great but they don't really understand because they are not ex-benzo users.

 

This post is not a boo-hoo about me. These are just my thoughts on on-line help as of today. I'll probably regret posting this too, but that is me. No need to respond; just wanted to say this stuff.

 

Danni

 

P.S. Has anyone seen the documentary "Catfish"? The doc is obviously manufactured but it does give insight into the lengths people go to in order to hide their true identity on the Internet.

[[ja...]]

JRock..

I know what you mean. And I often saw how many a Posts have made you go from ..ONTOP of this W/D to Second guessing this Process. Which I'm sorry if this offends anyone .But really bothers me. Due to the fact that It can be One of the hardest things for any of us to do is stay STRONG,Stay POSITIVE,Keep FOCUSED,and most of all NOT add anything to RELIEVE the pain of this w/d.Moving FOWARD and not being KNOCKED down..But when someone is suffering Non Stop for months and yes even Years Danni. It can be the most natural feeling is to want to relieve that pain and take some meds to help.So when people post things like ..Have you tryed this? Or this works for me!!! I take this to help me.. That kills me cause this w/d is not like a normal illness where we can receive help from other meds like there supposed to do.Unfortunately it can do more Damage then Good. But in this process even the Strong can become Weak and Vulnerable.Most of all Impressionable..

IDK. I guess I'm just getting so upset seeing so many suffer and looking for help. Most of all People who Matter The Most looking somewhere anywere to receive it.

 

Danni I think no matter what you post if your True to your self then you should have absolutely no worries.If they like you awesome. If not then probally wouldn't have liked you for who you are anyway. Where all very different but having someone like you because you posted what you think would be likable instead of what was truly on your mind and in your heart is just a disservice to YOU and to Them.. I think what you post is Just fine and I would have no worries if I were you

 

~Jenny

[[be...]]

i worry about all the reading i do on here

i get upset sometimes reading a lot of the negatives

but people have helped me also

so im not sure

[[...]]

goto

 

i have ptsd where did you get your stats from this is one of those things you read and go mmm online support is not good for me.  Now just another thing to worry about.

 

Lizzy

 

My point was ONLY! that when I started this medication, I reasoned it was my responsibility to try anything that existed that had the potential to help. I'm not a proponent of medication personally. I went to a psychiatrist recommended by my therapist slowly and reluctantly. 

 

However it really doesn't matter how severe my situation was. Had I been put on this drug for something more trivial I think in a way that's worse.

 

I was already doing very poorly.  Had I been a pretty high functioning person then I think it would be a worse tragedy to be put on a drug such as this.

 

But those stats are out there Lizzy. And I guess I shouldn't have included them. I was just making the point that it wasn't a casual choice for me. When responding to another post. 

[Guest [...]]

Yeah not to worry goto

 

who knows what state of mind i was when i wrote that.  Sorry.  Hey Im with you here im not blaming all my stuff on the benzos thats for sure.  I regret ever ever going to a shrink in the first place.  Told him i was sensitive to antidepressants and he was like oh these wont hurt take them for sleep.  I couldnt sleep so that was the start of it all my downward spiral.  Im finding getting of benzos not that bad really.  So dont worry about what I said im in hospital crazy remember lol.

 

Lizzy

[[we...]]

Like I want to throw some cold water on them or something and say "Wake the HELL UP!!" They stuff your reading is bad for you".

 

I'm with you on that one. Rock.

 

I think that is why it's important to keep the forums open so that everyone can reply, and not give advice in PMs and chat.

 

These drugs nearly killed me, and it will be another year or more before I recover. Naturally I have strong emotions when somebody starts suggesting they should take this drug or that drug.  It's also possible that for these people, this drug or that drug actually saved their lives.  So on the one hand, the same drug that nearly killed me, is the drug that saved their lives. It's difficult to reconcile these differing experiences. Where I draw the line, is when somebody says things like… Oh this drug won't hurt you… Or, this drug doesn't cause withdrawal. Since all psychotropic medication are known to have discontinuation syndromes, or withdrawals, that is spreading misinformation.  Anyone who has been on these forums long enough have seen people reinstating and adding antidepressants with disastrous results adding years to their misery. 

 

It's a tricky situation, because the people who post success stories are usually off all drugs. I always wondered why there were so few success stories, and now that I have been on this form for over a year, I can say that about 50 to 80 percent of the people that I have followed, have either reinstated or added other medications. Of the people who have added other medications, none are healed yet.  I don't know anyone who reinstated and did well. I don't know anyone (except 2) who added an antidepressant and wish that they hadn't several months later.  One is still on the antidepressant, the other one is tapering with withdrawal symptoms years later.

 

A lot of people on these forums don't disclose the other psychotropic medications they are on.  Of course there is no law against that, and this is not a confessional, but it paints a distorted view of benzodiazepine withdrawal because many of these medications interfere with healing because of their cross tolerance. 

 

What I'm seeing is that the people who have been off all psychotropic medication and healing often advocate to stay off all drugs, of course they would, that is what has worked for them. The people who have reinstated don't have a voice. We don't hear about the people who reinstated successfully, only the ones who have reinstated with disastrous results. This is to be expected since this is a benzodiazepine withdrawal forum, not a benzodiazepine reinstatement forum.

 

Given the lack of validation from doctors about the withdrawal syndrome, I think it is important for forum like this one to take a biased view of psychotropic medication being evil. There are many other forums that advocate the use of these medications, for example the depression support groups. For those of us who have been seriously compromised by these drugs, there is no room for reinstatement. There is only one option, to get off these drugs and never take them again. As such I feel the need to defend this forum against pro-medication propaganda, there are already enough of them out there.  The challenge, is not to add more drugs, but to get off of them.

 

* Gets off soapbox*

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest [...]]

Well said Wellness

 

loved every single word

 

Lizzy