Online Support....Can it make things worse?

[Guest [...]]

KRock

 

So agree i would be personally hanging out to write my success story imagine the titles we could think up.  I need more success and less misery (im a big culprit in the misery status)  to read about.  Its hard sometimes coming on here and only reading bad things.  However sometimes its great to read the bad stuff because misery loves company.  I can understand once people are better they dont want to hang around either but writing the story would be very therapeutic as well i believe.  Love you analogy about the Bermuda Triangle.  Dont worry lots of us will be around for a while im sure.  looking forward to your success story.

 

Lizzy

[[ba...]]

KRock, Ihave read all of your posts to this thread, and ad.ire you greatly, you tell it like it is no sugar coatings, you have brought mr to my senses, on how to use this forum, for this, Iam enternally grateful, you are a true asset to this forum, when Iam healed, I will post my sucess story, the world is  a better place because of fine people like you  bando

[Guest [...]]

KRock

 

Just read your post back to me the other day sorry i missed it.  Yeah you know another person got attacked near my place from a great white.  survived to tell the tale.  Your c/t sounds like hell as well and i do agree i think it doesnt matter which way sometimes its all bad hey. (however if i had known i would have tapered).  I did start a blog more for distraction rather than updating however like you said who wants to have a permanent memory of all of this.  Good to know that no ptsd comes from this however my shrink says i have it.  who knows who cares at this point.

 

keep up the good work you really do make such a difference.

 

 

Lizzy

[[KR...]]

KRock, Ihave read all of your posts to this thread, and ad.ire you greatly, you tell it like it is no sugar coatings, you have brought mr to my senses, on how to use this forum, for this, Iam enternally grateful, you are a true asset to this forum, when Iam healed, I will post my sucess story, the world is  a better place because of fine people like you  bando

 

Bando... This withdrawl sucks. I read a few of your posts when you first joined the forum. The fear of dieing and never being normal again is par for course unfortunately. Ive delt with that crap for sure!!! Keep talking to positive people that cheer you along and remind you that this will pass and you will be OK. Find a close friend that you can relate to that understands what your going though. Its key to be able to express your feelings to someone. This is some heavy stuff to carry around in your head all day. When your all jacked up in the head and you start reading scary stuff online it will freak you the HELL out way more than you need. Sometimes its hard to avoid because you log online and sift through the different threads in search of a distraction or something you can relate to. Next thing you know your reading something that has you in a borderline panic attack. Its hard to identify whats good and whats bad for you while your in the thick of this mess due to not thinking rational all the time. Its not your fault. It happens to the best of us.

 

As far as me telling it like it is. I guess you would have to thank Colin the owner of this site for that. He lets people speak their minds on here without being censored or fear of being band for the most part. As long as you remain respectfull and don't harm anyone you can pretty much lay it down. He might put your thread down here in the Chewing the Fat section. LOL But he still lets you say what you have to say. I don't feel like I'm calling anyone out on anything. I'm just telling the truth as it pertains to me and what Ive experienced with whats good and bad. Doesn't mean it that way for everyone. But for me it is. This place really is a very unique place to seek support. Its a place open to public opinion. But with that you have to remember that the opinions you may receive you may or may not agree with. That's the catch 22 of online support. You have people from all over the world chiming in on your situation if you lay it out there. You may or may not get advise that is healthy for your situation. Its a crap shoot to say the least. Most online forums wont let you speak out against the machine and you roam around their site like some neutered dog. Colin has made it clear that this site is not ran like that nor will it ever be. If you suppress peoples opinions it will only lead to greater dysfunction. I can promise you that. Hope your part time job is going OK. Keep distracting. It really helps make time go by. I just wish it went FASTER.

 

Rock

[[ba...]]

Thanks KRock, the symptom that freaks me out the mosy is dp/dr, along with cog fog, they are a real bich thanks for your advise, my wife has been outstanding bando

[[KR...]]

Bando... The cog fog and DP/DR is so not cool. It sucks super bad to be honest. So I get where your coming from. My DP/DR was off the charts when I got out of the Detox Center. Like I was so F'ed up it would scare a normal person to look at me. I originally C/T'ed 30 mgs of Valium and I also had to come off 230 mgs of Phenobarbital that the detox center had me on over 45 days. If you ever looked at a benzo/barbiturate crossover chart you would see how much that equates to. Believe me. I extremely shocked the HELL out of my brain. Not to metion my failed 3 week reinstatement of 20mgs of Valium that made things even worse. I think I had Benzo and Barbiturate withdrawl at the same time. IDK. Its been RUFF!! On top of that the Rehab put me on 1800 mgs of Gabapentin (Nuerotin) so I wouldn't have a seizure so they said. What BS!! Coming off that crap gave me the worst brain fog EVER. And symptoms to!!! I swear to you and I'm not exaggerating. Ive had hundreds of symptoms coming off both Benzos and Barbiturates and it has been the most F'ed experience of my life. But the good news is alot of my symptoms that were straight off the charts are now gone. I'm really just stuck now with this mental crap that cycles when I first wake up in the morning and pushes thru lunch then backs off in the evening. All most all my physical symptoms are gone. Just the mental deal that gets really old if you know what I mean. When this withdrawl gets into a cycle and it starts reapeating the same stuff at the same times everyday it can drive a person nuts. I'm mean sitting here knowing that tomorrow morning when I wake up I have to deal with the same thing at the same time again is just hard on your will. But I do recognize how severely shattered I was when I first detoxed compared to how I am now. Its a huge difference for the better. Its just getting really old and I'm ready to get on with my life. I use to complain that I wished the physical symptoms would leave because they were so unbearable. And my wish came true. They left. But the mental symptoms are NO JOKE. I feel they are way worse than the physical stuff hands down. Just my opinion. Others may disagree. But when your not at ease with your own mind. Things can get a little scary if you know what I mean. Hopefully this is the last chapter in the book and I can close it and burn it someday.

 

Rock

[[ba...]]

KRock many thanks fgor the reply!!  I have  found  a few good people I feel comfortable  communicating on line and you are one of them< the DP/DR  really suck along with the brain fog, I would gladly take  the physcial symptoms any day over the mental one, the weather here in Pa. has ben warm working outside in the yard  and garden< take care. It will end when it ends. It is what it is period. bando

[[ja...]]

Wow JRock...

 

We have spoke of this many times over this year.But reading it again just reminds me of how Hard you have had in this w/d.. . I think you have had one of the worst experiences I have ever seen. I can not believe how hard you have fought. Never giving up. Always pushing through. Not only have you done that.You did it with Dignity. Positivity.Strength.O don't let me forget Humor. Bando..Your so right about Rock never sugar coating anything.He has always been so Honest and a Straight shooter with me .I really love that Quality he has.Makes me know I can trust what he says and know he would never steer me wrong..Ever.

 

Your almost done JRock with this Hell ride. And chapter almost Over. You can Burn it and Throw it away if you choose

 

~Jenny

[Guest [...]]

Krock

 

You have had quite the journey always giving us hope for our futures.  You sound like you have been on a hell of a ride and are coming out the other side.

 

I applaud you for still having the strength to support others when you have been in so much pain.

 

Lizzy

[[KR...]]

Thanks for the kind words Jenny. As you know I don't ever speak much about the true HORRORS of what this withdrawl has put me through both physically and mentally online. It has really been beyond words as you know. My suffering has been immense. I made bad choices on how to come off these drugs. I didn't know any better but it really doesn't matter now. The damage is done. With my situation I feel like I have always kept the true story away from people in regards to how bad things really are or can get. I know you did this with your story as have a few others. You tell people that you were bad but you leave out the REAL details. You've always kept it positive because you don't want to effect anyone in a negative manner. Ive tried to do the same. Ive never been one to want to scare people or have them reading into something that might set them back. I don't think that is fair to do to someone trying to recover. So I suffer silently for the most part. Your one of the few people that truly knows what has really gone down behind the scenes in regards to my withdrawl. I'm not as strong as alot of people think. I'm just some guy that really F'ed himself up and made some bad choices in life. Now I'm paying for it.

 

J

[[ja...]]

Your right J. I have been behind the scenes seeing everything this w/d has Done and Taken from you. Your very much like myself in many ways. How this W/D went down and how we chose to walk through it! I rarely ever spoke of my sxs.I mean unless I was asked. I have seen you do the exact same thing.Its true you didn't know you were hurting yourself by how you came off these Benzos. Neither did I. But how we get through .Well to me that's the most Important! Cause we all make bad choices.That's Life. That's how we learn. We fall down .We get back up. But this w/d is so very different then any other Life tests I believe. This is the ONE that leaves us Option less. Fending for not only our Body's but our Sanity. No one can help as far as Medical. I mean No RX ,No Doctor. Whats done is done. And Thank God we don't need it. Our brain can do this all on its own. But in the interim its something that will Test us to our very Core. As long as we stay Strong and Keep our Will healthy. We can and will get all the way to the other side. Having support and Comfort can be the best RX through these times. Hang in there This Hell Ride is about to come to a END. Then you can finally unfasten your Seat belt. You should filled with nothing but Pride for all you been through and how you did it JRock

 

~J

[[ja...]]

JRock..

 

Just wanted to come bye and say.. HI!! lol.I know things are Up and Down in this w/d .But your Strength is Insane. Keep it up and Stay as Focused and Positive as you have this whole entire time through this w/d! Today's a Great Day!!!! I'm Celebrating someone I HONOR so much is Birthday. .. Hang Tight Friend ...Talk to ya Later

 

~Jenny

 

 

[[ba...]]

KRock, whenever my ocd is over the top, from reading to many stupid posts saying yes I have that symptom, I  come back to your first post on this thread, and your words set me straight, thank you, I hope things are well with you. Bando

 

[[KR...]]

Jenny... Thanks for the Birthday shout. I cant believe this time last year I was just 2 months out of my cold turkey. Geez.. we just met. You were not doing so hot yourself. I think you were still bed ridden then. I could barley get on the airplane to fly myself home from the treatment center in California. What a year this has been. Its hard for me to believe all that really happened to me and you to. Its just crazy. Hope your daughter had a good Birthday as well. 

 

Bandoo... I have the OCD thing to. I don't have it that bad when I'm distracting or not reading into other peoples withdrawls. I know for a fact that if I go to the Withdrawl and Support section of this site and start reading the topic lines or posts I will be totally whacked out of my mind by the time I log off. If my CNS wasn't still so hypersensitive it wouldn't be a big deal. I could read any of that stuff like a normal person and move on. But right now I might as well drink a whole bottle of Mountain Dew and watch the movie Friday the 13th. It will give me the same scare factor and adrenaline rush as if I was in the Withdrawl and Support Section. It just wont be AS scary. LOL. Hope your keeping busy in your yard with the nice weather in your part of the country. Take care.

 

Rock

[Guest [...]]

Hey Krock

 

how r u doing.  Im with you.  this is what has been happening for me.  I get up come straight on and go straight to miserable maybe feeling ok then its all down hill.  not the whole site at all great people i love them.  Its the stuff on the recovery and support and i read it to and post and i freak myself out.  I went out all day today and it was great yesterday just read all doom and gloom and thats how i felt.  Love benzo buddies but will definately be limiting myself as to what i read from now on.  I still have 2.5 of valium after c/t xanax and going from 45 to 2.5 in 18 days however with still 2.5 to get off im going to remain positive that this is going to go well.  If i keep reading all the stuff my obsessive nature goes ive been poisoned forever and bam down i go.

 

anyway interesting topic.

 

Lizzy

[[...]]

I feel like my problems are of a slightly different nature. But I find not only useful information here but also people that are as in the hole as I am.  I like it because everyone walks around in the world always trying to look like they are doing fine. I don't know. I can't explain it. I kind of dig that we're all in the hole together.  All different ages, background.. all in the hole.

 

[[KR...]]

Goto....There's lots of usefull info on this site. Some nice people to. The way that various parts of this site effects you might very well pertain where you are in your withdrawl or taper process. If your STABLE on a dose and tapering I'm sure you can read stuff and not be as hypersensitive as someone that is NOT stable or that has just jumped off their taper or C/T'ed. I'm sure you get what I mean. Reading about not so pleasant things that other people are going thru when you no longer have a pill to lean on and its just you and your brain waiting to heal from this mess amplifies things just a little to say the least. I guess people will see for themselves what bothers them and what doesn't when their no longer on a stable taper or don't have their crutch anymore. Its a different ball game for sure. At least until your brain gets acclimated to its drug free state. Take care. I hope you have a safe and very uneventful taper.

 

Rock

[[In...]]

We are all definitely individuals. It's hard to predict for someone else what feelings/responses will occur during a taper.

 

And yes, that ever important stability factor is as I describe it-ever important.

 

For myself, I will say that not being stable has definitely "increased" my fear, irritability, and panic responses.

 

I really haven't found much to "cheer" about through this, but I'm glad if others have been able to feel that and have are finding humor. The BB forum is very helpful and informative.

 

Just saying I find myself on occasion seriously internally distressed due to instability factor and some stuff I've read. It's what is going on inside of me.

 

Intend

[[...]]

Yeah, I don't even put myself in the same category as someone who has been on this drug for a decade. I honestly understand that's a different kind of deal.  Now I feel sort of terrible. I guess for me my worse problem is why I was put on this drug to begin with. And what happens to that problem in w/d. So my original problem is worse then this drug in my life.  I'm only scared about separating the two (the drug and the original problem).

 

 

 

[[In...]]

Goto,

 

No point in feeling "terrible." If you are feeling ok and doing well, it's a good thing for you. And most likely, having your attitude is going to help you get off the med.

 

It's just a different story for some, while others probably "fall somewhere" in the middle. Not a whole lot of this is predictable so I certainly wish you continued success getting off K and maintaining your great attitude.

 

Intend

[[KR...]]

Ive had to make some major adjustments in my life due to the backlash and rebound effects of coming off this stuff.  And I mean MAJOR. It seems like whatever you were put on benzos for in the first place will come at you 10 fold while coming off of it. Be it health issues or whatever. Ive seen alot of people have to address their original anxiety/health issues in order to make their withdrawls go easier. If you were put on it for work stress. Guess what? The stress of your job is still there. You just muted it out with a drug for a while. It will be waiting for you and seem 100x worse due to your now hyper excited mind. If your spouse bugs the hell out of you and you took some "chill pills" to cope with them. Guess what? That annoying person is still there but now you have to deal with them drug free. Wouldn't that suck. Now your in withdrawl in your house with a person that you were originally put on the pills for in the first place. Makes for some long days for sure. Whatever was causing you anxiety and made it so you couldn't sleep at night. You better make sure those things are not still bothering you or else your going to be laying in bed staring at the ceiling alot or pacing the halls of your house aimlessly in the middle of the night. That's why its so important to address these issues before you come off this stuff. Life is waiting for you and its not always the calm pretty place as it seems while your under the influence of a tranquilizer. 

 

Rock

[Guest [...]]

uummm guess Im unstable then.

 

Its affected us all and i for one never took these things to cope with life just so you know.

[[ja...]]

Its so terrible how when we come off these pills we get slammed so hard with either the issues we had prior to 100 Fold.Or a Whole nother slew of issues. Either way learning how to cope is a Huge Factor.

 

This is a quick question... JRock. How do you feel about this. If someone continues to get hit morning after morning with Extreme Adrenaline and Anxiety Rushes with severe Intrusive thoughts and Racing thoughts...Do you think Eating something as soon as you wake like Crackers or Pretzels can help with Blood sugar?Or possible Cortisol I seem to think it may. Just my thought.But I have a friend here who seems to think I'm off my rocker with that One..How Rude!!! Geez they wont even try.There like Umm I'm not a Parrot Jenny so the answer is NO.. Any Insight on this? I just want to know Is that not good advise?

 

Thanks ~ Jenny

[[KR...]]

ID1... Unstable isn't a bad thing. Just consider yourself "special". Special sounds a little better anyways. LOL Besides unstable people make the world a fun place to live. I know a few VERY unstable people that use to be on here that are SUPER stable now. One of them is about as calm as a Buddhist monk. And believe me. He was about as whacked out as they come. Knowing him then and talking to him on the phone now is like night and day. It blows my mind still to see someone go from complete craziness coming off these drugs to a normal calm person acting as if nothing ever happened. Just ask Jaso. She's one of the "Nutters" I was talking about. She was talking in circles 24 hours a day. She thought she had been abducted by aliens or something. LOL So if they can make the crossover, so can you. By the way, I was beyond unstable a year ago.

 

Jenny... You know the morning anxiety has been a major issue with me. LOL The reason I never tried to eat the crackers like you said is because you sell Ritz Crackers for a living. You were trying to push your product on me like some girl selling Mary Kay. You just wanted someone in benzo withdrawl to endorse your product so your sales would go up. This is the type of online support that can make you worse. Everyone needs to be aware of people on here that pretend to have gone thru a bad withdrawl only to be salesman trying to push snake oil and cheap fixes. You should be ashamed of yourself. And the company that you work for. What a scam. I'm reporting you to the Better Business Bureau. LOL

 

Rock

[[ja...]]

You are so Funny... Like I'm some sales person trying to climb up the latter by Using YOU .. geez Do I look like some salesman??? I do not think so.. LOL..

 

I need to go pick up my PINK CATALAC BBL  BAHAHA

 

~Jenny