Wild Soul, Running Free

[[Wi...]]

 

  Hey Patty ..thanks for the encouragement....

  Hey to everyone else too...

today has not been so good for me.I have had a coke and a candy bar and it has upped my

anxiety .Been told I have an overgrowth of candida too by a natural med doc and the excess sugar might have been what triggered this .I feel kinda drunk at the moment and my head feels very weird in my sinus area..like something is goin on in there but ain't quite put my finger on it..I have had this for about 3 years now and it gets worse when  I eat simple sugars...

  No doc beleives me on this one so therefore hasn't done a test to find out if I have fungal problems..Candida can cause anxiety too and insomnia and a whole bunch of other symptoms.

beginning to wonder if this might be benzo related too..or if benzos could cause such a thing..

I feel better when I don't eat any sugar or gluten and definately lose weight so I dunno..

 

  If anyone else has the same problem I would love to hear from you..The nat doc gave me a bunch of supplemenets to take but afraid to take em right now while trying to taper..and he doesn't know anything about benzos so I am screwed on that one..I don't have any insurance at the time so it is impossible for me to go have tests run to see what is going on....it gets really discouraging to have these symptoms and not knowing what to beleive here...don't know if they are benzo related (which I won't find out till I am off of them for a bit) or if I truly do

have a fungal problem or overgrowth of yeast in my body.I dunno ..just whiney a bit today I guess..please excuse me...I guess I just need to stay away from sugar period...huh?That is soo hard to..especially all the time..oh well enough whining for me...at least for now..

 

                                    big hugs to everyone ....Nola

[[Be...]]

Nola -

 

The latent mom in me read the "coke and candy bar" lunch and went "oh no!" 

 

Really, if you feel better when you don't eat sugar and gluten, don't eat them.  I love sweets so I know it isn't as easy as it sounds but if it will help you feel better, I feel sure you can do it.  Think of it as a science experiment. 

 

BTW, I was wondering if you would like your own blog.  I could easily move your posts from the Welcome board to a blog if you like.  More people will see your posts there and you are more likely to get a variety of responses.  If you want to do that, it would probably be a good time to choose a new username or just use a title like "Nola's blog" or something more creative if you like. 

 

This is the place to vent about feeling crappy or clueless doctors and the like.  You never have to apologize for "whining" here.   

[[Wi...]]

 

  Hey Beeper,

 

Thanks for the invite on the blog..I dunno .might be a good idea but don't know the first thing about it so someone else would have to do it for me..

Just so you know..I had the coke with lunch and the candy bar later..and only half of one..

I don't normally eat sweets but just gotta craving for one so ..I had a burger for lunch with some fries and a coke..trying to get my junk food in before I start the biggest loser contest...

So I guess I overdone it..huh?

Trying to get ready for a big cookout on Sunday for labor day and yes there will be alcohol involved for this one..Just one more time won't hurt me for a bit as like I said I am gonna be on a strict diet starting tuesday..

I think since I have tapered down to 2.5mg I will do alright..hopefully anyways..so far so good.except for the possible candida that I may have ..One of our good friends had a fungal infection that started in his lungs years before it got accurately diagnosed and could have died from it..he was in bad shape for a while..had to have home health nurse come out daily .he tried antifungals and they never did work for him.the point I am trying to make here is what if I am right  and I do have this (esp in my blood ..it could go anywhere at that point)..am I gonna end up in the same shape as he because some freaking doc doesn''t know what he/she is doing and I keep getting misdiagnosed.I know something is wrong here..just like he did...he even went to the mayo clinic...and they didn't catch it..he had it for 6 years before he got diagnosed..you hear me?.6 years !! it is a wonder he didn't die from it..

  Some doctors repulse me by disregarding patients symptoms as all in their heads...

H*** with that I say..someone has gotta draw the line here.I am responsible for my own health and the doctor should come into play somewhere....sorry Beeper..I am just venting here..but you see my point.?? What on earth is a body to do when your own doctor won't help you??

well there it is...I have said it ..these words may come back to haunt me but I have said em anyways..Like I say I am just venting ..sorry Beeper..a blog sounds good to me...

 

        thanks again... hugs to ya..  Nola

 

[Guest [st...]]

Nola,

 

Beeper was asking you to pick out a name for your benzo buddy blog.  Try to think of a cute one for a cute lady.

 

I sure hope you will think twice before drinking any alcoholic beverages over the holiday.  That is not a good idea as some of the members can attest to.  I hadn't eaten sweets since the middle of March but caved in yesterday and I think it hasn't helped with my issues.  I will stay away from that for awhile.  Keep up the good work and try and eat healthy.

 

Patty  xo

[[Wi...]]

 

  Hey Patty

 

Thanks for your concern but there is gonna be a lot of alcohol options for our cookout .

I don't think I can say no with everyone else drinking in front of me..I would have to drink just to put up with em.. plus I can't sing karaoke without having a drink or two..

  I have been thinking of a new username but haven't yet come up with one....thanks  for the compliment.I don't consider myself pretty or cute at all though.. .

  Just an overweight mom who is outta shape and wearing out...haha..I am 38yrs old and feel like I am 50 sometimes...

Only when I fix up do I feel halfway decent...most of the time I go around with my hair up and a t-shirt and spandex shorts on.....whew !! don't that sound sexy??? 

  Just a little humorous today...please look over me Patty...

There is gonna be lots of goodies to eat here as everyone is pitching in an bringing something.gonna have about 17 to 20 people show up and they are all bringing something...yum!!

  Yeah I know what you mean about regretting the alcohol..I have regretted it many times when I overdo it..I don't plan on overdoing anything this weekend though .I wanna be ok the next day ..not have the shakes along with the PMS I am having and anxiety...

  If I drink anything it will be vodka with lime juice and water with a little stevia to sweeten..

I normally do well on that and it doesn't mess with my candida or make me sick...just pure ole sky vodka...it ain't cheap though...

  In case you haven't read me and my hubby are joining the biggest  loser contest Tues at the local YMCA so I will definately be on a strict diet after then..No sugar,no junk,no gluten,etc,..

I do well on that diet and lose 2 to 3 lbs per week not excersing or anything...and now I am looking at excersing too.....wow..hope I can do better than that.....gonna have to put my foot up hubbys but and make him do what it takes to win too..

    I will make it Patty..I am too stubbern not too.

   

                  thanks ...and big hugs to you and all the buddies..Nola

 

[Guest [st...]]

Hi Nola,

 

Well, let me know how you feel tomorrow.  Xanax and alcohol should not be mixed together.  Hope the party is a smash.

 

Patty  xo

[[Wi...]]

 

  Hey Patty,

 

  The party went well..I was so wound up all day from getting everything ready I was a nervouse wreck...I was in high anxiety all day long..I took my 2.5mg valium yest morning and took another 2.5 later on in the evening..but it didn't seem to help that much as my heart was palpitating and my b/p was up ..maybe just the apprehension of everything..wanting everything to go right....We ate around 6:00 and I started drinking after that .well about 6 shots in I was still wound up and uptight... finally after around 10 drinks or so I started to feel good and unwind and that was when everyone else was starting to wind down and get ready to go..around midnight..I stayed up and kept singing karaoke and drinking for another 3 hours...

about 3:00am I decided I better eat and get in the bed.....So I did.. I slept well.and woke up this morning about 10:30..went ahead and took my 2.5mg valium and come and laid down on the couch to watch a movie...all in all I feel ok..a little drained but ok....I really felt good last night once I got relaxed..

  The contest and strict dieting starts after tommorrow so I won't be drinking for a while..

I will do this patty...it is just so darn hard...I wanted to take more valium yesterday cause I  needed it  so bad but I didn't do it and just dealt with it...When I spoke it was like I was in such a hurry that my words wouldnt come out right and I felt like a complete idiot...That was before the alcohol..when I was drinking after I got enough in me I felt normal and calm again..

  I still felt hyper though but in a good way not a bad way....we had a good time though and to me it was worth it.....

  had a field line to stop up on us the day before so I was of course worried about all the people coming over and not being able to flush the commode...    

  Got that fixed today that goodness.....better late than never..

Just thought I would update you Patty...I really do sincerely thank you for being concerned..

Everything turned out fine..

   

 

[Guest [st...]]

 

Hi, Nola,

 

Holy Moly!  Ten drinks.  Well, I am so glad you survived that.  It will be a long time before I think about having even one drink.  Don't want to upset those beautiful, little GABA receptors (LOL).

I am so proud of you not taking another Valium.  We are in such a fragile state that anything out of the ordinary will increase our level of anxiety.  I am glad your party went well.  Hope you sang up a storm.

 

Patty  xo

[[Wi...]]

 

  Hey Patty

 

  Yeah ,I know at least ten drinks sounds like a lot to most people..but not to me..I used to drink a 12pack of beer every night when me and hubby first got together....I guess I have a high tolerence...not bragging by no means...

  I am gonna leave the alcohol alone for a while especially while I do this contest and finish with my taper....

  I didn't drink anything for 2 months when I was on the detox diet before and done fine..I don't have to have alcohol anymore like I used to and I am proud of myself for that....thats not gonna be hard to do..just coming off of the benzo..now that is hard to do....

I may have to try the tiltration method as I am already cutting my pill into 4ths..and taking a 1/4 ..don't think I can cut it any further without it falling apart..that is when the time comes..

right now I am thinking about doing 5mg every other day and 2.5mg the other days as 2.5mg a day is just not enough for me right  now......maybe that would work..what do you think?

    I definately don't want to up my dose anymore than that....that would be counterproductive..

Well gotta go for now...I am gonna try and get some more stuff done before bed....

 

              hugs to ya Miss Patty..                                        Nola

   

[[Be...]]

 

...........right now I am thinking about doing 5mg every other day and 2.5mg the other days as 2.5mg a day is just not enough for me right  now......maybe that would work..what do you think?....

 

 

Nola -

 

You've been at 2.5mg for a while now, right?  I don't remember if you already said when you cut to 2.5mg but it isn't a good idea to alternate 5mg and 2.5mg every other day.  You actually seem to be doing quite well on the 2.5mg if your labor day party is any indication.    I know you probably have some symptoms but if you can get by without adding back more benzo, it will be that much sooner that you will be off. 

 

Whatever you decided to do, take the same amount every day at about the same time during the period you have decided to hold (2 weeks?).  If you get to the point that you can't make small  enough cuts and want to switch to titration, Colin can work up a schedule for you. 

 

Hope you have/had a good night. 

[[Wi...]]

 

  Hey Beeper

 

  I started taking 2.5mg on August 24th-29th..by the 29th I started having symptoms..

By Saturday the 30th..I got so bad with rage and outta control anxiety I ended up smacking my youngest daughter (not saying she didn't deserve it) but if I was in full blown anxiety.I could not think right my mind was racing and the back of head felt so tense .my b/p was up and I was in town and had no pills with me..I cut my chores in town short and came home and took another pill and finally got some relief.Well Sunday the 31st it started all over again and ended up taking 2  2.5mg that day too..Yesterday I only took one and am still having problems..

  I went to the herb store today and told em my problem and they suggested rescue remedy.It is a spray that is safe to use while taking benzos..I used it and almost immediately it was like I took a benzo..It calmed me down.. so that may be an option for me..I can use it up to 3xday.

It was only $10.99 so its not like it was expensive or anything either..It is  homeopathic and is used for these purposes...

  1. adds courage and presence of mind in the face of adversity

  2.helps give focus when you are not grounded in reality

  3. helps you cope calmly and patiently with irritating problems or people

  4.helps you act rationally and think clearly with a calm and balanced mind when you feel you are losing control

  5. softens the impact of shock of fright

 

I think this will get me through the hard times of withdrawel..and since it is safe to use with benzos I think that is even better..It may be an option for others on here to help them if it works for me ...that would be great..of course I know everyone is different..

 

Oh yes Beeper..I will need help cutting when I get below 2.5mg .I just can't dry cut it accurately for that kinda dose....I still think I am doin well though..

 

Thanks again..good to hear from you Beeper...nice to know you are still here for me..

 

                                                                Hugs --- Nola

[[Be...]]

Hi, Nola. 

 

I've heard of Rescue Remedy before but don't remember using it. (Of course, I don't remember much these days.  )  Hope it works well for you.

 

Sounds like you are still being a little erratic in your dosages.  I really think you are putting your brain and body through a lot by not taking a consistent dose, even if it is more than the 2.5mg you were on.  Just an opinion.

 

I'm glad you feel you are doing well and hope that continues. 

[[Co...]]

Hi Xanax Slave,

 

I feel I need to point out that mixing benzos and alcohol is very dangerous. Yes, in all probability a small amount of alcohol taken with benzos will only result in a slightly elevated risk of death, but each time you get drunk (even moderately drunk) you run a very real and elevated risk of not waking up! Death due to the consumption of alcohol and benzos is very common. I recommend that people do not drink at all until off benzos. Anecdotally, people who avoid alcohol have an easier time tapering too. If you search the posts here you will find many reports - from those that normally do not drink - that they have reacted very badly after just a drink or two. This should not be surprising, since benzos and alcohol both act on GABA receptors. Do you think you can give up alcohol until you have tapered off and recovered? I know it can be a tough habit to break, but I've had to give up alcohol because it aggravates a medical condition of mine. Sometimes we need to be off alcohol for some time to realise just how much better we might feel without it.

[[Wi...]]

 

  Hello Colin,

 

Wow..didn't know that about the alcohol and benzos .I been doing that for years as well as a bunch of people I know does....I don't take much though..not near as much as they do...

I figured I was safe or should I say safer than they were..I would take xanax .25mg and benedryl 25mg together when I went to bed at night after drinking and sleep really well...never had a problem..but I weigh 210lbs so I can handle quite  a bit..

I see where you are coming from though and you got my best interest at heart..bless you for that..

Yes I plan on giving up alcohol for a while as I have started the biggest loser competition at the YMCA and don't want to lose because I drunk alcohol and slipped up and ate something I shouldn't .. .. And esp until I taper completely off..and get to feeling better...I didn't drink at all while on the detox diet for 10 weeks so yeah I can do it....will I? I will certainly try my best Colin..and I will keep you all posted as I have been doing on my ups and downs with the w/d and the taper...

 

Thanks for the info Colin..I appreciate you for pointing that out to me ..

 

                                                            hugs....  Nola (aka) xanax_slave

 

 

[Guest [st...]]

Hi, Nola,

 

I was waiting for Colin to reply to you about alcohol and benzos. 

 

Also, you will have more problems with withdrawals by not staying true to your tapering routine.  You were looking for a pill when you got overly anxious.  Nola, I would try working on some coping mechanisms during this process.  We all want you to have a fairly easy time getting off the benzos.  Hang tough, Nola.

 

Patty  xo 

[[Wi...]]

 

  Well hello Miss Patty.

  hope you are doing well...

 

Hello to everyone else....

 

I have decided to up my dose back up to 5mg and stay there for a bit .Until I am comfortable

and then do the titeration method..My body just cannot stand that much of a cut...

  I consider what I have done so far to be a success though..I have cut from 20mg since the 4th of august down to 2.5mg in less than a month so it was a bit fast for me anyways..

    I am invited to a personal party on Sept 13th .(a karaoke party) that will involve drinking.

Just found out tonight that they want me there to sing for them.I impressed them so much..

so h*** with it .I am going .It feels good to have someone be impressed with me singing.At least it is positive and it is something I know I can do well and love doing it as it relaxes me when I get warmed up ...

    I was talking to a friend of mine tonight that has helped people get off of benzos.She is the one who led me here to this forum and she said I had done remarkable well and to not stress anymore and go back up to 5mg and get stable and start the titration method when I was comfortable and go to the party if I wanted to and have a blast...she is so cool..

  she  said it might set my w/d back a few days or possibly a week or two but to not beat myself up over it and that I was in control from here on out .at least I am trying and so far I have done really good with this..My anxiety was starting again tonight untill I talked to her .I just took a spray of rescue remedy and it helped calm me down as well as talking to her..

  I have only took 2.5mg today .there was a time this evening that I bout lost it with my kids again..I have got to get stable and go from there..I don't wanna put my family through hell like I am going through..My kids need me to be calm for them and I need to be calm for everyone and myself.It might take me a little longer to get off these devil pills but I will.

  I have meditation music downloaded to my puter too that I listen too when I can and that helps..and late at night when I can get on here in peace with noone up helps me out too..It is so quiet and that to me is downtime/relaxation...I can play my games or get on here and read others blogs and post and post one or two myself..

  I also know my body and know what it can take and at what levels and I also know what it can't .That is something I have come to know real well these past few years..

  ( Reading some peoples stories on here just make my heart bleed for them as I partially know what they are going through but then again I never want to go through what they went through or are going through while tapering..and there is no way that I could c/t at any level..nope .not me ..call me a big chicken I guess..)

  oh well .. I am through rattling on tonight...time to unwind and eat me a bite and go to bed..

gotta work tom...night everybody...

 

                            hugs to all & sweet dreams .... Nola

 

[[el...]]

Hi Nola,

 

If you can obtain 2mg pills from your doctor when you get your refill, making sure you will get enough to complete a comfortable taper, you can easily taper directly off the pill. Titration would be unnecessary.

By cutting it in quarters you can reduce your dose by 0.5mg  increments

[[Wi...]]

 

    Hey Eljay

 

thats the problem ..I don't plan on going back to her as I have no insurance now and not really got the money to do so...So gotta deal with what I got..but I still have 31 10mg pills to get me through..I think that will be enough if I am only taking 2.5mg a day and then start the titeration..what do you think? so I won't be going back to her unless absolutely neccessary.

but I think I will be fine..I do have some xanax to back me up though if need be that I am hanging onto just for security reasons and maybe it won't be too long I can get rid of them...

 

  good idea though..thanks Eljay...            Nola 

[[el...]]

Oh, I remember that now, thanks. 

 

Yes, that amount should get you through if you stick at 2.5mg and not reinstate. We can set you up with a titration, just post in 'titratation tapers' when you are ready.

If you can manage it, try not to reinstate to 5mg. I think part of why you may be feeling crappy right now has to do with the alcohol last weekend. So if you can abstain for the time being, you should have much less withdrawal symtoms.   

[[Be...]]

 

  I have decided to up my dose back up to 5mg and stay there for a bit .Until I am comfortable

and then do the titeration method..My body just cannot stand that much of a cut...

 

 

 

    Hey Eljay

 

 

........I think that will be enough if I am only taking 2.5mg a day and then start the titeration..what do you think? so I won't be going back to her unless absolutely neccessary.

 

Hey, nola.

 

Can you clarify how much you are taking daily?  You said you were going back on 5mg this morning (my time) and then this later post to eljay you mention taking 2.5mg/day.  Just trying to get us all on the same page. 

[[Wi...]]

 

  Hey Everyone

  Eljay & Colin

 

  just to clarify (I said I was gonna go back up to 5 mg a day)..but I haven't yet..

I am holding steady at 2.5mg a day as of now when I wake up ...I am having symptoms now though..

I could have swore I had a mosquito buzzing in my ear(since I was outside) and when I check there was nothing.part of w/d.? back of my neck is so tight it hurts and been having trouble with my throat hurting all the way down to my collar bone.Trying to make it on 2.5mg of valium but having trouble with that by evening that is one of the reasons I thought about going back up to 5mg but the rescue remedy is helping me some so am trying to go ahead and stay on the 2.5mg..havent had any rage or bad anger fits today though..Maybe that is improving..I dunno...just tired today and not feeling good at all..no energy...went to the YMCA and worked out though and that made me feel a little better and I came home and made supper..

I will have to do the titratation method as I am not going back to the doc unless I have too..

 

thanks Colin...thanks Eljay  ..                       Nola

 

 

 

[[Wi...]]

 

      just great ..the throat pain has now migrated down into my chest.....what do I do now??

 

                                                                                            N

[[Wi...]]

   

  I ordered a cylinder for titeration..from sciencestuff.com..it was only 1.97 but shipping was about 10 bucks...

 

 

                                  Nola

[Guest [st...]]

Hi Nola,

 

Yea, I couldn't believe the shipping cost either.  I had alot of throat and chest tightness during my taper.  It is uncomfortable.  My worst and most prolonged symptoms were the hyperventilation and agitation.  Hang in there.  You will get a window.

 

Patty  xo

[[Wi...]]

 

 

        Hello Miss Patty

 

thank you for your reply..I have had a bad headache in the back of my head all the way down my neck for 2 days now ..I think it is just tension due to w/d and my allergies seem worse as I am also hurting above my eyes now...not fun at all...I am holding steady at 2.5mg a day until these symptoms ease off a bit though..just thought that would be wise..and awaiting the arrival of the cylinder  ... I really feel like crap but I do have energy though at least I ain't laying on the couch this evening..but my bones and body aches all over too along with my jaws and teeth and that don't help as far as trying to get stuff done around here.....ya know..

It makes me wanna go take a pain pill (hydrocodone) just to ease the pain..or a muscle relaxer to help with the tension in my neck/head but I know that would be counterproductive of what I am trying to do here

    I guess it could be worse though ..still trying to look at the bright side of things..I know it has gotta get better thought..just hanging in there.....

 

          thanks Patty ...hugs to ya..          Nola