The Long Hold Support Group

[[In...]]

Hey Intend, how are you II?  And your wonderful Dr.  Are you feeling any better?  Thinking about you .  MM 🐱🐾🐾🌹🌹🚂🚂🚂

 

Mary, it’s today that I see the doctor. I’m not really sure about myself. It’s probably too short of a time to tell as clonazepam has a long half life that varies from person to person, but so far I still feel the same as I’ve been feeling for quite awhile.

 

Awful sx “stable,” with some brain fog alternating between days as in one day, not much cog fog, and the next, cog  fog that only lessens in the evening.

 

Well, that mistake I made last night was probably the result of cog fog as yesterday was a cog fog day.

 

I was taking my evening dose, and these pills are the ODTS in foil packs that come 6 to a pack. So I use 3 per day with the middle one being made into liquid and divided in two for morning and night dose.

 

So last night, I get two together-one to take, and the other to make into liquid, and they are there on top of coffee cups that are organized on the kitchen counter. I take one, get my big syringe out for the milk, and prepare to make the next days doses (that would be today’s doses).

 

And I’m ready now to do that, and I see that there’s no pill in the jar. So I’m looking everywhere for that pill. These are about 1 inch by 1 inch foil pack for each pill, so should be easy to spot. I look everywhere for that pill and can’t find it anywhere. Even checked the garbage which was almost empty as Dan had taken it out for the truck to pickup today. In the garage are 2 opened foils, so I’m guessing that I took two pills at once or I lost it somewhere in the kitchen. Then I tell Dan who gets his little flashlight out and does a super search. He can’t find it either so who knows?

 

But I still have some of my yellow Actavis clonazepam pills which I got last fall on 10/29/18 which are the same dosage. And the expiration date is 10/29/19, so that’s like 6-7 days ago, and I think about this and finally decide I have to use that pill as there would be nothing in that milk. So today’s doses are Actavis clonazepam.

 

Not the end of the world. I’ve made several mistakes in the recent past like forgetting to even take the pill until morning, realizing that as I woke up, and then having to take two at the same time although I did space them apart by about 4 hours. Nothing happened when I did that, so if I just always think that “it’s one day and it will go by and I’ll be ok and days will go by and this will be a memory and I’ll be ok,” that usually gets me by.

 

So, now I have to call the credit union, and maybe the pharmacy as the R/x has been there for 3 days now and I just got a reminder call even though I called them yesterday. Lastly, our water softener may be shot. Dan called both Blake and Matt to get them going on fixing it, and Matt texted back that he had talked to “the water softener guy” as he put it, and that guy thinks it could be more than some float being broken.

 

So tomorrow Matt or Blake or both are coming to fix whatever it is and it will cost $1775 which is a 50% discount from the usual $3500. I know that’s true as he gave us the phone number of the railroad friend of Dans who recently died. I talked to her on the phone yesterday, and they had their water softener go out completely and it cost them $3500.

 

Well,  we are Blake’s grandparents, and Dans takes Logan and Delilah now a lot and does projects with them for hours. I guess a discount for all those kinds of things plus I bought them groceries and paid @$10,000 for them to finish their basement when Cathy and Matt’s kids to move in when I got custody overturned. And Blake has lived with us when it got rough over there. Lots of things.

 

Matt will still make $ though. I would not allow him to do this for free.

 

So hopefully I can update later today when I get home. Thinking of you and everyone here on the LHSG. 🌹 🚂 🌶

 

:smitten:

[[va...]]

Stutt, if you're lurking, I wish you a happy morning and a great day. I hope you're recovering from all this that's happened in your life lately, and that you can go back to some kind of routine, waking the doggies and helping out everyone like you do, but not forgetting you need to take care of you first and foremost or else you won't be well for everyone else. How's your beautiful daughter doing in her new life in a different town and living with BF? I hope she's got a good one. I wish I could do the preselection of BFs for my daughter when the time comes, or girlfriends, you never know in these modern days.

 

Here were all struggling as usual, some more than others. Trishy had some shakes due to last cut, Mary and Suzy are in excruciating pain, Intend struggles with the generic changes and can't stabilize, Bill seems to be doing pretty well, Gilly is not posting, hope she's OK, GP was posting and sounded happy to me but we never know if we're really ok or just trying, olive kitty is doing well with her taper, meems is struggling with sxs and hoping the hold will help, there are some new ones that I can't tell if the trouble is benzo related or remeron related, final healing is feeling a bit better I think, lookinup I think is still struggling not knowing if the sxs are from the fast remeron taper or klonopin tolerance wds, and everybody misses you but we know you need to take a break, from us and from everything!!

 

VNM,

 

Great sum up of buddies here!

 

I’m not sure how you’re doing that because I sure can’t, but you did great once again!

 

Thank you Intend! I must be stabilizing although I'm almost crying with depression right this moment but improvement is slow. Imagine Stutt does the same every morning but adding sound advice to each of us, and all in benzo brain.

[[In...]]

Stutt, if you're lurking, I wish you a happy morning and a great day. I hope you're recovering from all this that's happened in your life lately, and that you can go back to some kind of routine, waking the doggies and helping out everyone like you do, but not forgetting you need to take care of you first and foremost or else you won't be well for everyone else. How's your beautiful daughter doing in her new life in a different town and living with BF? I hope she's got a good one. I wish I could do the preselection of BFs for my daughter when the time comes, or girlfriends, you never know in these modern days.

 

Here were all struggling as usual, some more than others. Trishy had some shakes due to last cut, Mary and Suzy are in excruciating pain, Intend struggles with the generic changes and can't stabilize, Bill seems to be doing pretty well, Gilly is not posting, hope she's OK, GP was posting and sounded happy to me but we never know if we're really ok or just trying, olive kitty is doing well with her taper, meems is struggling with sxs and hoping the hold will help, there are some new ones that I can't tell if the trouble is benzo related or remeron related, final healing is feeling a bit better I think, lookinup I think is still struggling not knowing if the sxs are from the fast remeron taper or klonopin tolerance wds, and everybody misses you but we know you need to take a break, from us and from everything!!

 

VNM,

 

Great sum up of buddies here!

 

I’m not sure how you’re doing that because I sure can’t, but you did great once again!

 

Thank you Intend! I must be stabilizing although I'm almost crying with depression right this moment but improvement is slow. Imagine Stutt does the same every morning but adding sound advice to each of us, and all in benzo brain.

 

You are welcome Janice. It was a great sum up and still is. Stut is a toughie under the worst of circumstances.

 

I think you are stabilizing, crying or not. Most of us cannot avoid withdrawl sx even as we stabilize. That is what I believe. And crying is a withdrawl sx as is depression. You will get there as you hold. Remember that we are looking for tolerable, manageable sx as we hold for stability. Stabile in the case of tapering and holding does not mean perfect stability.

 

You are smart, Janice, and you already know these things. Just reassurance here from me. 

[[Ma...]]

Hey Intend, how are you II?  And your wonderful Dr.  Are you feeling any better?  Thinking about you .  MM 🐱🐾🐾🌹🌹🚂🚂🚂

 

Mary, it’s today that I see the doctor. I’m not really sure about myself. It’s probably too short of a time to tell as clonazepam has a long half life that varies from person to person, but so far I still feel the same as I’ve been feeling for quite awhile.

 

Awful sx “stable,” with some brain fog alternating between days as in one day, not much cog fog, and the next, cog  fog that only lessens in the evening.

 

Well, that mistake I made last night was probably the result of cog fog as yesterday was a cog fog day.

 

I was taking my evening dose, and these pills are the ODTS in foil packs that come 6 to a pack. So I use 3 per day with the middle one being made into liquid and divided in two for morning and night dose.

 

So last night, I get two together-one to take, and the other to make into liquid, and they are there on top of coffee cups that are organized on the kitchen counter. I take one, get my big syringe out for the milk, and prepare to make the next days doses (that would be today’s doses).

 

And I’m ready now to do that, and I see that there’s no pill in the jar. So I’m looking everywhere for that pill. These are about 1 inch by 1 inch foil pack for each pill, so should be easy to spot. I look everywhere for that pill and can’t find it anywhere. Even checked the garbage which was almost empty as Dan had taken it out for the truck to pickup today. In the garage are 2 opened foils, so I’m guessing that I took two pills at once or I lost it somewhere in the kitchen. Then I tell Dan who gets his little flashlight out and does a super search. He can’t find it either so who knows?

 

But I still have some of my yellow Actavis clonazepam pills which I got last fall on 10/29/18 which are the same dosage. And the expiration date is 10/29/19, so that’s like 6-7 days ago, and I think about this and finally decide I have to use that pill as there would be nothing in that milk. So today’s doses are Actavis clonazepam.

 

Not the end of the world. I’ve made several mistakes in the recent past like forgetting to even take the pill until morning, realizing that as I woke up, and then having to take two at the same time although I did space them apart by about 4 hours. Nothing happened when I did that, so if I just always think that “it’s one day and it will go by and I’ll be ok and days will go by and this will be a memory and I’ll be ok,” that usually gets me by.

 

So, now I have to call the credit union, and maybe the pharmacy as the R/x has been there for 3 days now and I just got a reminder call even though I called them yesterday. Lastly, our water softener may be shot. Dan called both Blake and Matt to get them going on fixing it, and Matt texted back that he had talked to “the water softener guy” as he put it, and that guy thinks it could be more than some float being broken.

 

So tomorrow Matt or Blake or both are coming to fix whatever it is and it will cost $1775 which is a 50% discount from the usual $3500. I know that’s true as he gave us the phone number of the railroad friend of Dans who recently died. I talked to her on the phone yesterday, and they had their water softener go out completely and it cost them $3500.

 

Well,  we are Blake’s grandparents, and Dans takes Logan and Delilah now a lot and does projects with them for hours. I guess a discount for all those kinds of things plus I bought them groceries and paid @$10,000 for them to finish their basement when Cathy and Matt’s kids to move in when I got custody overturned. And Blake has lived with us when it got rough over there. Lots of things.

 

Matt will still make $ though. I would not allow him to do this for free.

 

So hopefully I can update later today when I get home. Thinking of you and everyone here on the LHSG. 🌹 🚂 🌶

 

:smitten:

 

I think we have all messed up a few doses, lost a couple, forgot to take a dose, but if it's only one day, is usually just turns out fine.  Those pills will be good a year from now easy.  Hold on to them for emergencies.  Since it's gotten cold, replacing our water heater may become more urgent  .

I didn't sleep hardly at all last night, which is very strange, feel all dizzy and weird today. 

I know your Dr appointment will go well.  I am glad he is benzo wise, I just wish he could help you feel better.  Dan is a fine man, but he is also a lucky one to have you!!  Love you woman.  Keep us posted on Dr visit. MM.  🌹🌹🚂🚂🐱🐾🐾

[[Gu...]]

Hello LHSG.

 

One question.  Is Dan the good looking Mexican cook?

[[Tr...]]

Hello LHSG.

 

One question.  Is Dan the good looking Mexican cook?

That's the word on the street intend says he is so we believe her 

[[Tr...]]

Stutt, if you're lurking, I wish you a happy morning and a great day. I hope you're recovering from all this that's happened in your life lately, and that you can go back to some kind of routine, waking the doggies and helping out everyone like you do, but not forgetting you need to take care of you first and foremost or else you won't be well for everyone else. How's your beautiful daughter doing in her new life in a different town and living with BF? I hope she's got a good one. I wish I could do the preselection of BFs for my daughter when the time comes, or girlfriends, you never know in these modern days.

 

Here were all struggling as usual, some more than others. Trishy had some shakes due to last cut, Mary and Suzy are in excruciating pain, Intend struggles with the generic changes and can't stabilize, Bill seems to be doing pretty well, Gilly is not posting, hope she's OK, GP was posting and sounded happy to me but we never know if we're really ok or just trying, olive kitty is doing well with her taper, meems is struggling with sxs and hoping the hold will help, there are some new ones that I can't tell if the trouble is benzo related or remeron related, final healing is feeling a bit better I think, lookinup I think is still struggling not knowing if the sxs are from the fast remeron taper or klonopin tolerance wds, and everybody misses you but we know you need to take a break, from us and from everything!!

 

VNM,

 

Great sum up of buddies here!

 

I’m not sure how you’re doing that because I sure can’t, but you did great once again!

 

Thank you Intend! I must be stabilizing although I'm almost crying with depression right this moment but improvement is slow. Imagine Stutt does the same every morning but adding sound advice to each of us, and all in benzo brain.

 

You are welcome Janice. It was a great sum up and still is. Stut is a toughie under the worst of circumstances.

 

I think you are stabilizing, crying or not. Most of us cannot avoid withdrawl sx even as we stabilize. That is what I believe. And crying is a withdrawl sx as is depression. You will get there as you hold. Remember that we are looking for tolerable, manageable sx as we hold for stability. Stabile in the case of tapering and holding does not mean perfect stability.

 

You are smart, Janice, and you already know these things. Just reassurance here from me. 

I agree with intend good job VNM  ♥️

[[va...]]

Thank you Trishy, c thank you Intend. Don't make me blush. Enough!!

 

Intend, I've seen builder tell people that one extra dose here or there doesn't make any difference in the long run. And we're certainly going to be here for a while still.

 

 

 

Mary, I hope you sleep better tonight. It's not great to be up all night in bwd. I also hope that massage rug is helping. I have this shiatsu massage appliance. I'd kill anyone who'd try to steal it from me.

 

Suzy where are you today? Have I missed you posting? Are you out partying?

 

It's night time here. I'm finishing dinner and off to see intellectual TV programs (big brother) and off to bed. In big brother there's this 26 year old girl who has a 7 month old baby, plus a forty year old husband, out of the bb house of course. But in the house there's a 22 year old Italian guy and now she wants to dump the 40 year old husband for the Italian guy. She says the husband didn't want to have sex with her. In the meantime outside the house there's this Italian girl from bb Italy who had the same experience with the Italian guy in the Italian bb last year, and she dumped her bf for this Italian guy and as soon as they left the house he ignored her. This is all very dumb I know but it makes me very happy. Don't worry, I also watch eckhart tolle to feed my spiritual side. Gnight.

[[De...]]

Hi everyone!

I had my therapist appt today and it went goodm she is nice. Kust the pych i dont care form

Janice,

You did such a good job summing up were we all are. Thats not an easy task thes days!!! Are you ok? I hat that depression.  Its live yoyr grieving everything in your whole life.  I try to think.of it as healing. Kind of like releasing pent up emotions l. The wd drpression is intensified . You are doing good and are so strong. The depression will lift. We will level off at avstable mood eventually.  Go easy on yourself. No catastrophes and what ifs. Lony you Suzy  :smitten:

[[De...]]

Mmm,

Are you ok? Some nights sleeping can be terrible.  Are you eating enough?  I know that diet is a big change and your body has to adjust. Especially giving up sugar  How was the rug? I hoped it helped some. I was in so much pain i layed on my therapy ball on my back. Tried to stretch my spine. This drug is even. I cant believe what it is doing to our muscles. I wish there was sonethibg i know we just have to ket them heal. But we will keep on trying. Love you pebbles❤❤❤❤🙇‍♀️🙇‍♂️😺😻🙉🙊😨

[[Tr...]]

Me too Trishy. It is so hard. Some days im ok  and others its so hard . I start the what ifs and after Im a basketcase i realize what i did. We just have to practice and catch ourselves like you said. 

Yup you and I have that in common.. She actually wanted me to keep a sticky note that she wrote the word stop on somewhere in my house where I can see it as a reminder not to go there.

We gotta push those thoughts out. She also wanted me to look at how far I've come and not dwell on how far I have to go. I try to do that.

Ahhh well practice, practice, practice 🤦

 

Trishy and Suzy I do the what ifs constantly. It's a thinking pattern that comes with a crappy childhood when every day something bad happened. I also want to work on this. I love the post it note stop trick. Eckhart videos are also helping tremendously. Let's get rid of the catastrophic thinking together the three of us 

Oh Janice that was my childhood as well. I have even told my therapist that I imagine worse case scenarios bc when I was growing up the " bad thing" always did happen..

 

I'm with ya, let's stop the what ifs toss them right in the mental garbage can 🚮 .. We'll at least give it the ol college try 💪

[[De...]]

Woq intend,

I cannot believe that lady Jana! She sounds like a control freak nutjob. I cant believe she did what she did to you. It was for the best. So she has ppl here on bb trying to lure us in. She coyld hurt alot of ppl. She makes me sick. I know thsr feeling about doses. Sometimes the cog fog is so bad you dont know what the heck you doing. Ugh. I am sure you will be ok. Your way of looking at it is good. I always notice something i freak out over a week ago i dont even care about now. Sorry about your water softener. That is expensive! Its always something. Ly dd

[[Tr...]]

Mary.. How are ya girl? No relief yet?? I don't want to pester you on this subject bc you know what's best for you, but do you think you should go back to your old way of tapering. Is it possible that the liquid isn't as strong as the pills?? I'm just taking a shot in the dark here 🤷..  I really hate to see you suffering like this. You need to catch a break.

 

You know I just had a memory💡. I think it was about a year ago that you were in a lot of pain. You were going to the PT at the time I believe. Do you know what was going on then? Was it wd only or was something different like now?

 

Wish I could help you more but I'm at a loss 😔 😘 💞 💞

 

TT ♥️

[[Tr...]]

I'm off to cook dinner.. Hang tough guys ♥️

[[De...]]

Hi tt!

Have a nice dinner! Maybe light snow tonight.  love ya dd

[[Ma...]]

Mary.. How are ya girl? No relief yet?? I don't want to pester you on this subject bc you know what's best for you, but do you think you should go back to your old way of tapering. Is it possible that the liquid isn't as strong as the pills?? I'm just taking a shot in the dark here 🤷..  I really hate to see you suffering like this. You need to catch a break.

 

You know I just had a memory💡. I think it was about a year ago that you were in a lot of pain. You were going to the PT at the time I believe. Do you know what was going on then? Was it wd only or was something different like now?

 

Wish I could help you more but I'm at a loss 😔 😘 💞 💞

 

TT ♥️

 

Yes, and then I went through a pretty decent time and then my taper went to hell in July, that's why I don't think it's the Liquid, and my muscles have just been getting worse since then.  Buy I know so many of the exercises, paying pt or physio 100.00 a pop, just isn't worth it.  Thanks for worrying about me 

[[Tr...]]

Hi tt!

Have a nice dinner! Maybe light snow tonight.  love ya dd

Thank you Suzy Q ! I made a pork roast it was yummy lol!

 

Oooooh light snow 😃.. We're getting rain possibly turning into snow. I like the snow and winter but winter can be too long 😜

Love ya,

TT♥️

[[Tr...]]

Mary.. How are ya girl? No relief yet?? I don't want to pester you on this subject bc you know what's best for you, but do you think you should go back to your old way of tapering. Is it possible that the liquid isn't as strong as the pills?? I'm just taking a shot in the dark here 🤷..  I really hate to see you suffering like this. You need to catch a break.

 

You know I just had a memory💡. I think it was about a year ago that you were in a lot of pain. You were going to the PT at the time I believe. Do you know what was going on then? Was it wd only or was something different like now?

 

Wish I could help you more but I'm at a loss 😔 😘 💞 💞

 

TT ♥️

 

Yes, and then I went through a pretty decent time and then my taper went to hell in July, that's why I don't think it's the Liquid, and my muscles have just been getting worse since then.  Buy I know so many of the exercises, paying pt or physio 100.00 a pop, just isn't worth it.  Thanks for worrying about me 

Hmmmm..  ..  i remember reading around BB when I had the pots symptoms and I recall reading about Valium and once at or below .9 that's when it gets worse. I wonder if you do a search on that, if you'll find some info that might help. Although, I bet you probably did that already. I just wonder if maybe doing a search of your symtoms in general what you might find. Maybe you'll come across other's who have found relief ??

Love ya, wish you felt better  :therethere:

[[Tr...]]

Mary I just googled and I found that ice and ice baths reduce inflammation and muscle soreness. Now I don't know if you're ready to jump into an ice bath but some ice packs might help over heat. Have you given ice a try?  I know you probably won't like this but what about a muscle relaxer. Maybe your Dr can prescribe just a short course of them. It might get you out of this pickle.

TT, ♥️U

[[Gu...]]

My tickets to Wicked came in the mail today!!!!!

 

[[Tr...]]

My tickets to Wicked came in the mail today!!!!!

 

Yay!!! I hope you have a great time! 

[[Ma...]]

Mary.. How are ya girl? No relief yet?? I don't want to pester you on this subject bc you know what's best for you, but do you think you should go back to your old way of tapering. Is it possible that the liquid isn't as strong as the pills?? I'm just taking a shot in the dark here 🤷..  I really hate to see you suffering like this. You need to catch a break.

 

You know I just had a memory💡. I think it was about a year ago that you were in a lot of pain. You were going to the PT at the time I believe. Do you know what was going on then? Was it wd only or was something different like now?

 

Wish I could help you more but I'm at a loss 😔 😘 💞 💞

 

TT ♥️

 

Yes, and then I went through a pretty decent time and then my taper went to hell in July, that's why I don't think it's the Liquid, and my muscles have just been getting worse since then.  Buy I know so many of the exercises, paying pt or physio 100.00 a pop, just isn't worth it.  Thanks for worrying about me 

Hmmmm..  ..  i remember reading around BB when I had the pots symptoms and I recall reading about Valium and once at or below .9 that's when it gets worse. I wonder if  byou do a search on that, if you'll find some info that might help. Although, I bet you probably did that already. I just wonder if maybe doing a search of your symtoms in general what you might find. Maybe you'll come across other's who have found relief ??

Love ya, wish you felt better  :therethere:

 

I have read and read T, basically what I can gather, is the benzo's let go when they are ready.  Now today, I tried a new thing called a shakti carpet, it is like a rug with pointy things sticking out you lay on and it relaxes your muscles, and old India remedy and it got great reviews.  I was only going to lay for 10 minutes but was there for 20 without realizing it.  So, will keep trying that with some exercises and hope for the best.  😘😘😘

[[Ma...]]

My tickets to Wicked came in the mail today!!!!!

 

Yay!!! I hope you have a great time! 

 

Me too GP 

[[Gu...]]

Thanks.  It will be the first fun thing I've done in years.  Can't let Trishy do all the fun things here.

[[Ma...]]

Pebbles, read what I wrote to Trishy about the shakti.  It may have promise, definitely going to give it a chance.  Felt like utter crap not sleeping, and have been weepy all afternoon.  So not like me, just felt really sorry for myself.  Hope I sleep tonight.  LY, MM.  💜💜