Mutiple Tapers/long haulers/high dosages

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Hi Baddove - how are you doing today?  I hope you are better and that you are getting some relief and that your finger is healing quickly.  I am sure it is hard to try to do things one handed.  That is awesome that your hair is so long.  I know that is hard to deal with right now but that will get better as you heal.  I am glad your friend painted your toenails for you - isn't it funny how something so simple can bring such joy.  That is awesome!!!  Love and hugs!!! 

 

Hi HM - I hope you had a better night and that you got some sleep.  You must be so tired!!!  I did not sleep well last night or the night before.  I was awake until after 4 am.  Could not turn off the thoughts!!!  I am hoping tonight is better!!  I hope your anxiety is better too!!  Sending you prayers and hugs! 

 

Hey Uni - How are you doing?  I am  hoping you are hanging in there and I hope your doctor's visit works out this coming week.  Hugs and prayers to you!!! 

[[ba...]]

I was trying to edit my post and deleted part of it. If Julia's references make no sense, FYI, my hair is almost to my waist, and I am going to get my hairdresser to wash and braid it in 3 french braids once a week to hold it in place, because I can't take care of it. And, a friend stopped by and painted my toenails.

 

I missed another seroquel, uh oh. really nasty. I would love to just drop that dose, but it is really throwing me off.  Seroquel wd is really hard, different than benzo, but pretty intense. I did drop a whole dose a while back. I really am overmedicated on it, just like the xanax. If I could drop just one more dose, the one I sleep through, I would stop there, Seroquel really enables me to sleep, and I am going to need that once I get my dose way down.

 

Julia, appreciate you always asking about and supporting others, you are so selfless.

 

I don't know if this will help anyone with insomnia, but my pharmacist and my youngest son both turned me onto  binaral beets for rest and calming down panic. They include a circle to breath at a certain pace. Yesterday, I felt so bad in the evening, I listened to it for an hour, then another hour of Buddhist chanting, then another  30 minutes of guided yoga breathing/meditation.

 

If anyone wants to try it:

 

https://www.youtube.com/c/SleepTube

 

Also, this channel of

Zen Music Radio -432Hz Handpan, Buddhist Chant, Beatboxing Live-loop meditation is live 24 hours a day:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wTNGlRpjhA&list=PLnQJb5upR8D6h8RTygklcmus_qN1JDRds&index=3&ab_channel=YogetsuAkasaka

 

When I am acute, that is what I do to get through it.

 

Loves and respect to all my fellow warriors

 

[[to...]]

I was trying to edit my post and deleted part of it. If Julia's references make no sense, FYI, my hair is almost to my waist, and I am going to get my hairdresser to wash and braid it in 3 french braids once a week to hold it in place, because I can't take care of it. And, a friend stopped by and painted my toenails.

 

I missed another seroquel, uh oh. really nasty. I would love to just drop that dose, but it is really throwing me off.  Seroquel wd is really hard, different than benzo, but pretty intense. I did drop a whole dose a while back. I really am overmedicated on it, just like the xanax. If I could drop just one more dose, the one I sleep through, I would stop there, Seroquel really enables me to sleep, and I am going to need that once I get my dose way down.

 

Julia, appreciate you always asking about and supporting others, you are so selfless.

 

I don't know if this will help anyone with insomnia, but my pharmacist and my youngest son both turned me onto  binaral beets for rest and calming down panic. They include a circle to breath at a certain pace. Yesterday, I felt so bad in the evening, I listened to it for an hour, then another hour of Buddhist chanting, then another  30 minutes of guided yoga breathing/meditation.

 

If anyone wants to try it:

 

https://www.youtube.com/c/SleepTube

 

Also, this channel of

Zen Music Radio -432Hz Handpan, Buddhist Chant, Beatboxing Live-loop meditation is live 24 hours a day:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wTNGlRpjhA&list=PLnQJb5upR8D6h8RTygklcmus_qN1JDRds&index=3&ab_channel=YogetsuAkasaka

 

When I am acute, that is what I do to get through it.

 

Loves and respect to all my fellow warriors

 

Hi Baddove,

I bet the braids will be a relief to you so your hair is not in your way and you will not have to worry about taking care of it!  I used to have long hair but not to my waist - almost though.  I cut it 8 years ago and wish I hadn't.  I try to let it grow out now but it gets on my nerves when it is at a certain point and I get irritated with it and cut it!  lol  I am at that point again now.  I have been looking for a hairdresser but won't spend 60.00 to cut my hair!  I will find someone to do it before I botch it up - again - lol

 

Sorry about the serequel, the PDOC I had in Virginia, put me on that but I could not take it and I am so glad I could not after reading your posts and others.  It must be so hard to be on that and the xanax.  You did great to take away one dose already.  I know it was hard for you!  I am sure you will be able to lower that meds dose too when you are able.  It is crazy how some meds help with one thing but cause other issues.  It is a catch 22 situation!!! 

 

Thank you Baddove, I really care about you and the others here that want and need help.  I have been blessed with the help I have gotten here and never want anyone to feel alone.  Without you and others, that also show me love and support, I would not be able to do what I am doing to get off the xanax.  I appreciate you and love you!

 

Thank you for the links, I am going to check them out!

 

Hope your day is going good and that you are continually getting better!!!

 

Love, hugs and prayers!!

Julia  :hug: :angel:

[[Sa...]]

Hi All,

 

Again thanks for your kind words to me. I need to write about what is wrong with me. I am not well and it might be the Klonopin.

 

I spent 13 years of gradually increasing doses of Klonopin given to me by a psychiatrist I went to after my husband left me for another woman and I was not coping.

After a year I went on a three day weekend trip and did not take my pills. I went into acute withdrawl. When I came home and took the medicine and all the symptoms went away. I realized that I was dependent.  I was shocked because I did not know that the wonderful medicine that took away my anxiety and my fear would turn on me.

 

I did 28 days in rehab where  they took me off CT. Horrible- and I went back on it shortly after I got home. Couple years later I tried again and again and again. Thinking the only way to get off was CT.

Then I found a psychiatric nurse who helped  me taper -Ashton taper down using valium. It took me 19 months but I made it and I was free of the K for 5 years.

I took Propanolol to deal with anxiety. I gradually came out of so many horrible physical and mental symptoms the pills caused. And yet I could never get rid of my stash. Something in my brain was changed by those pills. Even after I was five years out. I knew they were dangerous but I also knew there was relief in them.

 

Around March 2020 I got real scared about what was going on with the pandemic. Afraid because of the political situation. I literally thought the world as I knew  it was ending. I was afraid of  don’t know what all but I remembered my stash of  pills that I had never disposed of.

 

I started taking them very occasionally at first and then probably once a month and then maybe a couple times a month and then a few times a week.

 

When I first started feeling like I might be in withdrawl I started journaling how I was feeling and what I was taking. And what I found was I took the K when  I had to perform for others - I hosted a party, I had company for a weekend, I was company for the weekend. I had charge of the grandkids while my kids took a break. Things that threatened my routine caused me to have anxiety so bad it’s very very hard to deal with. I feel like I’m going to stroke out.

I do not deal well with social situations. Not since I first tried to quit the K. I  used to be a very social and happy person.

 

Now I am on day 7 of not taking any.  I plan to stay off of it- hope to stay off.

However I am not well. I am not sleeping. I have no energy. I’m having a little bit of derealization I think. My skin feels crawley.  Everything is an effort -partly because of the insomnia- I think who knows? Am I really in withdrawal again? I’m pretty sure it’s that’s what it is.

[[He...]]

BD, Your hair sounds beautiful and I am glad you are getting it braided so you can keep it long and take care of it.

 

 

SandPeep,

 

It sounds like you have been through the ringer with Klonopin! I am surprised you didn't hit tolerance and that it still did something for you. I am glad you're off of it now and you're in the right place to stay off of it. I am sorry for your insomnia and other symptoms. I struggle with insomnia myself right now and I am handling it with the 'time heals' approach. Please keep posting as we are here to support you and need your support too. You can do this! Hang in there:)

 

HM

[[Sa...]]

Thank you, HM.

 

[[to...]]

SandPeep,

I am sorry you are suffering.  I am glad you know you are welcome here and we are here to support you and help you as best we can.

 

To answer your question - about being in withdrawal again - it sounds like it in my opinion.  I was forced into a cold turkey and had no idea that is  what I was going through and did not know until I made it here after a 6-7 month cold turkey, doctor reinstated me on xanax - ended up dosing me up to 4 mg a day during a 2 /1/2 year period and then I found BB and have been tapering ever since.

 

What I know is that a CT is hell - I got no relief and was in full blown withdrawal in a matter of a couple weeks.  I had tremors, sick to my stomach, horrible panic attacks, could not eat, could not function and the list is too long to say right now, but what helped me was to reinstate the medication and stabilize and that took a year of so.  Within another year - xanax turned on me and was giving me stroke symptoms, heart attack symptoms, heart palpitations, blurry vision , spikes in blood pressure, etc.  I searched and searched and found BB and once I read the posts, I knew I needed to taper and that is what I have been doing since January 11, 2019.

 

You do not say what dose you are taking and exactly how many you take a week.  I do not know anything about  Klonopin other than I know it is a benzo.  I am not exactly sure how to guide you because you are say you have been sporadically taking them so there is not a exact amount you take daily.  I do know that if you are in WD and it sounds like you are, a CT is the hardest way to get off benzo's.  I would never recommend it especially if you have been off 7 days and are having the issues you are.  I would figure out what the average dose is that you take in a day when you took them and taper from that.  Since it is not every day, it may not take you long to taper off of them.

 

I have a wonderful psychiatric nurse practitioner who is helping me with my medication and she is an angel and I am thankful for her!!  You may want to consider doing that again if you are comfortable with that. 

 

I am hoping someone else will respond to you that has been in a similar situation or at least someone that has tapered off a benzo before and then at a later date started taking them again.

 

I totally understand that 2020 was a pretty stressful year due to the pandemic and also the political things that were going on.  I understand completely how you must have been scared.  I was too!!!

 

We are not here to judge you.  You did what you felt you needed to do to get through what was one of the worst years ever!!.

 

Please know there is help and I am sure someone with more insight into your particular situation will respond.

 

Take care.

 

Hugs,

Julia 

 

 

[[ba...]]

Sand peep, thank you for your story.  Yes, you are experiencing withdrawal in my opinion. I don't know your dosage, or how tour feeling, but if it gets acute a taper might be in order. As Julia said, dosage makes a lot of difference.

 

Here is my story for you and the rest of the tribe who don't know it.

 

I never got counseling for my GAD, I didn't know I had Gad. My initial prescriber said I had a brain imbalance (How many of us have heard that lie?)Just knew I was panicky and suffering from anxiety.  I too was Ct-ed off of 10Mg's of xanax about 18 years ago. I know what that experience is. At the time, I had no idea I was dependent, or even what the pills were. My prescriber told me I would be fine after 3 days. It took 2 years.  I functioned pretty well after that, but still with GAD. I seriously knew nothing about benzos or counseling even after what I went through.

 

Enter menopause. I was so overwhelmed, and my GAD was out of control. Husband even said I had to get help. I went to my primary care doc. He also said he could tell the GAD was out of control. He prescribed antidepressants. They made me insane, I could not got out of bed, and my thoughts were very dark. He put me on xanax to help acclimate. It did not help. After a few weeks, dropped the antidepressant, but  I was now dependent on xanax again.

 

This time , with the internet, I learned, Holy Crap. I read and studied and got a therapist, who has been with me for the last 8 years.  I had not found Ashton, or BB, so my xanax use was all over the place, and it was making me miserable. I kindled fast, and my dose is so fricking high because of that.

 

Started tapering 6 years ago. I would be OK, get down to 6 Mg's, then something medical would throw me off, like getting floxed and medical procedures which completely destabilized me. A few failed crossovers.  I stupidly updosed to where I am at during the worst of the pandemic  (for me.) I have been witnessing accelerating catastrophic climate change, and at the time of the move, there was no vaccine. For me, severe climate change and a pandemic made me feel like those of us alive right now are the last of our species. Plus having to move. What kind of a world will my 6 grandchildren, and all children have? And for how long? Economic chaos, severe environmental changes, and political disaster with the Trump admin, and a pandemic are in my mind, the beginning of the collapse of civilization and a planet that can sustain life. I still think that we may be the final generations of human life on this planet. Overwhelmed, overwhelmed, overwhelmed. I did not think the updose from 6.5 to 9MGS (I added an extra dose) would be for long, but I hit a wall every time I tried tapering, which was frequent. I have been stuck for a little over a year. I did get it down from 9,5 to 8.5 in the last few months.

 

However, I cut off the tip of my finger, was on opiates which make me insane, and missed seroquel doses the past 2 days.(that is a whole nother kind of hell)

 

From here, I don't know where my journey will go. My finger is very damaged, and will take a long time to heal. However, I am going back to my tool box, I can't get through this without it.

 

Yesterday was one of the most agonizing in my life. I took a rescue dose in the evening, I was absolutely going into acute scary wd. It made it worse. Hence, I spent 3 hours meditating to binaural beats and Buddhist chanting to calm down.

 

Today I decided I had to resume my yoga, even with the finger mess. I did an hour, and it is extremely beneficial for me. I also updosed my final dose, as I am 2 days into missing a seroquel, and that is it's own kind of distress. That hour session of yoga did what it always does, it toned down the wd. Far more effective than any dose of xanax is. However, my anxiety is still a bit high for comfort.

 

I have always used exercise as my primary tool, then meditation and a few other things. By not exercising since my injury on the 7Th, I was getting worse and worse with wd. The poison pills are never enough to keep some semblance of sanity, My tool box does more to support and get me through.  I bottomed out yesterday.

 

I have no idea how things will go from here on this journey. It will take time for the seroquel misses to calm down. I will have to play it day by day. Hopefully, I can soon get back to my lower dose. Hopefully tomorrow. I will know come the first dose if I can go back down. It will happen eventually, especially as I resume my exercise and other resources.

 

I am going back to daily yoga, and any other chores I can manage, and heavy on the meditation until my body calms down, even after it calms down.

 

Who am I to judge anyone? This is why I started this support group. I knew I was not the only one with multiple tapers, making a bunch of a mess out of ignorance, and struggling so very hard to taper from kindling and being overmedicated.

 

Much respect to you, and everyone else. This process is so difficult. But, we will get there. I will get there. Might take 10 years, unless I get cut off or the world ends, but we will all get there. Because being on this drug is a nightmare, and we all want out.

 

[[He...]]

Sand peep, thank you for your story.  Yes, you are experiencing withdrawal in my opinion. I don't know your dosage, or how tour feeling, but if it gets acute a taper might be in order. As Julia said, dosage makes a lot of difference.

 

Here is my story for you and the rest of the tribe who don't know it.

 

I never got counseling for my GAD, I didn't know I had Gad. My initial prescriber said I had a brain imbalance (How many of us have heard that lie?)Just knew I was panicky and suffering from anxiety.  I too was Ct-ed off of 10Mg's of xanax about 18 years ago. I know what that experience is. At the time, I had no idea I was dependent, or even what the pills were. My prescriber told me I would be fine after 3 days. It took 2 years.  I functioned pretty well after that, but still with GAD. I seriously knew nothing about benzos or counseling even after what I went through.

 

Enter the pandemic. We had to move in the middle of it. I was so overwhelmed, and my GAD was out of control. Husband even said I had to get help. I went to my primary care doc. He also said he could tell the GAD was out of control. He prescribed antidepressants. They made me insane, I could not got out of bed, and my thoughts were very dark. He put me on xanax to help acclimate. It did not help. After a few weeks, dropped the antidepressant, but  I was now dependent on xanax again.

 

This time , with the internet, I learned, Holy Crap. I read and studied and got a therapist, who has been with me for the last 8 years.  I had not found Ashton, or BB, so my xanax use was all over the place, and it was making me miserable. I kindled fast, and my dose is so fricking high because of that.

 

Started tapering 6 years ago. I would be OK, get down to 6 Mg's, then something medical would throw me off, like getting floxed and medical procedures which completely destabilized me. A few failed crossovers.  I stupidly updosed to where I am at during the worst of the pandemic  (for me.) I have been witnessing accelerating catastrophic climate change, and at the time of the move, there was no vaccine. For me, severe climate change and a pandemic made me feel like those of us alive right now are the last of our species. Plus having to move. What kind of a world will my 6 grandchildren, and all children have? And for how long? Economic chaos, severe environmental changes, and political disaster with the Trump admin, and a pandemic are in my mind, the beginning of the collapse of civilization and a planet that can sustain life. I still think that we may be the final generations of human life on this planet. Overwhelmed, overwhelmed, overwhelmed. I did not think the updose from 6.5 to 9MGS (I added an extra dose) would be for long, but I hit a wall every time I tried tapering, which was frequent. I have been stuck for a little over a year. I did get it down from 9,5 to 8.5 in the last few months.

 

However, I cut off the tip of my finger, was on opiates which make me insane, and missed seroquel doses the past 2 days.(that is a whole nother kind of hell)

 

From here, I don't know where my journey will go. My finger is very damaged, and will take a long time to heal. However, I am going back to my tool box, I can't get through this without it.

 

Yesterday was one of the most agonizing in my life. I took a rescue dose in the evening, I was absolutely going into acute scary wd. It made it worse. Hence, I spent 3 hours meditating to binaural beats and Buddhist chanting to calm down.

 

Today I decided I had to resume my yoga, even with the finger mess. I did an hour, and it is extremely beneficial for me. I also updosed my final dose, as I am 2 days into missing a seroquel, and that is it's own kind of distress. That hour session of yoga did what it always does, it toned down the wd. Far more effective than any dose of xanax is. However, my anxiety is still a bit high for comfort.

 

I have also used exercise as my primary tool, then meditation and a few other things. By not exercising since my injury on the 7Th, I was getting worse and worse with wd. The poison pills are never enough to keep some semblance of sanity, My tool box does more to support and get me through.  I bottomed out yesterday.

 

I have no idea how things will go from here on this journey. It will take time for the seroquel misses to calm down. I will have to play it day by day. Hopefully, I can soon get back to my lower dose. Hopefully tomorrow. I will know come the first dose if I can go back down. It will happen eventually, especially as I resume my exercise and other resources.

 

I am going back to daily yoga, and any other chores I can manage, and heavy on the meditation until my body calms down, even after it calms down.

 

Who am I to judge anyone? This is why I started this support group. I knew I was not the only one with multiple tapers, making a bunch of a mess out of ignorance, and struggling so very hard to taper from kindling and being overmedicated.

 

Much respect to you, and everyone else. This process is so difficult. But, we will get there. I will get there. Might take 10 years, unless I get cut off or the world ends, but we will all get there. Because being on this drug is a nightmare, and we all want out.

 

 

Thank you baddove! Thank you for sharing your strategies for dealing with anxiety and all you have been through and the though processes that motivates your anxiety. You have been through a lot! and you're superhero for managing as well as you have. I can't believe you took the time to type that with your injured finger. I am so appreciative.

I can't believe all those years ago you were CT off 10mg! That's insane! I can't imagine how hard that must have been for you and I can see, now, why you are so averse to doing a CT for anyone.

I wish you much continued healing for your finger and I'll have to try the online meditation. I want to try binaural beats for anxiety and insomnia and see if they help. Years ago,  I listened to binaural beats for studying and they helped a lot. I had forgotten about them until I read your post.

 

Wishing you much recovery for your finger and WD symptoms and thanking you for your contribution.

 

 

Sincerely,

 

HM

[[Sa...]]

I have been witnessing accelerating catastrophic climate change, and at the time of the move, there was no vaccine. For me, severe climate change and a pandemic made me feel like those of us alive right now are the last of our species. Plus having to move. What kind of a world will my 6 grandchildren, and all children have? And for how long? Economic chaos, severe environmental changes, and political disaster with the Trump admin, and a pandemic are in my mind, the beginning of the collapse of civilization and a planet that can sustain life. I still think that we may be the final generations of human life on this planet.Overwhelmed.

That is exactly why I went back on the Klonopin- You express it so well. I worry about my grandchildren and my children. They are going to have to live in A post apocalyptic world -(post trump/post pandemic and deal with crazy right wing gun toting racist people/ climate change. 

Right now in my state there is are horrible fires burning worse than last year which was worse than the year before temperature is higher than ever flooding. And the politicians rage and do little. Etc etc Yes I’m terrified for my kids and grandkids.

For some reason I thought I could get a couple days relief and then stop again. And I did until I didn’t.

That is the seduction for me. It works -until it doesn’t. And then I pay the piper.

Yesterday I decided that if it stayed this bad I would begin a taper. As soon as I decided that I started feeling better. Maybe the relief of a decision.

I’m feeling better this morning so not thinking of a taper yet.

[[to...]]

Hi Baddove,

Wow - you have really been through hell!!  I am so sorry that so much has happened to you and got you to where you are now!  It amazes me that some of us have been dealing with the devil for so very long! 

 

I so agree with all you are concerned with regarding last year - and it is still going on - all the issues we are all facing are enough to make anyone scared and overwhelmed.  I know I am !!!  It is also understandable how you got to the dose you are on!!  Wow - I am so sorry!

 

My heart breaks for you!  I pray that things will get better for you and once your finger is healed and you get past the meds you were given for your finger injury, that things will settle down for you and you will be able to make more progress with your taper.  I wish I could give you a big hug!!!

 

Love you and you are in my thoughts and prayers every day!!

 

Love,

Julia  :smitten:

[[ba...]]

Love you, Julia.

 

My years long hairdresser will wash dry and braid my hair for $15, wow. What a wonderful woman. I finally decided to get my groceries delivered, no way could I carry the bags up a flight of stairs, delivery was only $15, plus a tip.  I have 6 weeks of weekly finger therapy, no idea what they will do.

 

Today I am in a wave, but I'm not letting it  upset me so far. Stability will take time. I actually rather expected it. If I fall apart later, I have my yoga and meditation.

 

However, today I am filled with gratitude  and love. So many wonderful people in my real life and here. I admire each and every one of you for your honesty, your openness and your respective strengths and wisdom.

 

When we can find a practical way to provide "succor, " as well as support, it is a beautiful thing.

 

Sandpeep, you don't know this, but I was a moderator on this site for years, I stepped down recently. I would always advise people in your situation to go to this forum: Cold Turkey, Detox & Rapid Withdrawal

 

I want to keep you if you feel that our  forum is for you, but this group is perfect for you in ways we are not. I feel so bad you went to rehab, never found anyone who came out of it sicker than when they went in.  Also, there is a lot more experience in that group with going CT, and how to handle it. I think you will get input very suited to your situation.

 

Please let us know how your CT is going, we really care, and our concern is for the best outcome for you as you journey towards freedom.

 

[[to...]]

Love you, Julia.

 

My years long hairdresser will wash dry and braid my hair for $15, wow. What a wonderful woman. I finally decided to get my groceries delivered, no way could I carry the bags up a flight of stairs, delivery was only $15, plus a tip.  I have 6 weeks of weekly finger therapy, no idea what they will do.

 

Today I am in a wave, but I'm not letting it  upset me so far. Stability will take time. I actually rather expected it. If I fall apart later, I have my yoga and meditation.

 

However, today I am filled with gratitude  and love. So many wonderful people in my real life and here. I admire each and every one of you for your honesty, your openness and your respective strengths and wisdom.

 

When we can find a practical way to provide "succor, " as well as support, it is a beautiful thing.

 

Sandpeep, you don't know this, but I was a moderator on this site for years, I stepped down recently. I would always advise people in your situation to go to this forum: Cold Turkey, Detox & Rapid Withdrawal

 

I want to keep you if you feel that our  forum is for you, but this group is perfect for you in ways we are not. I feel so bad you went to rehab, never found anyone who came out of it sicker than when they went in.  Also, there is a lot more experience in that group with going CT, and how to handle it. I think you will get input very suited to your situation.

 

Please let us know how your CT is going, we really care, and our concern is for the best outcome for you as you journey towards freedom.

Hi Baddove - I love you too my friend!! 

 

That is awesome that you have a hairdresser that will do all that for $15!  Sounds like she is for sure a wonderful woman!  I have been looking for a hairdresser and all  I want is a haircut and every one i find wants $40 -$60 dollars which I will not spend just on principal alone!!!  I am glad you will be able to have her do that for you.  I have been getting my groceries delivered for over a year now.  I pay $13 a month for unlimited delivery from Walmart and if I want special things I use instacart and it is only $3.99 plus tip.  It is so worth it so I have not had to go out to the store especially with the pandemic last year - and still continuing!  I also have food delivered through DoorDash and that has become very convenient when we want take out.  I am glad you are able to do that where you are!  I hope the 6 weeks of finger therapy go well for you! 

 

I hope your wave has past and that you are feeling better!  I love that you have such a determination and a great attitude.  I am so sorry that you have suffered so much!  You deserve to feel better!!! 

 

I understand being grateful, I am also thankful to have my husband for support and then have people on here who are so caring and supportive and loving!  That means so much !!!

 

I hope SandPeep will look at the other thread as well, and still feel welcome here.  You have such knowledge and such compassion for people and it shows.  I am sure that thread will be beneficial to SandPeep as well!!

 

Please take care and know you are in my thoughts and prayers!!

 

Love,

Julia  :hug:

[[to...]]

Hi Baddove - I am hoping you are having a better day!! I hope your hairdresser was able to do your hair for you!!  I am sure it is getting to you without being able to take care of it.  I am thinking of you!!!  Prayers and hugs!!! 

 

HM - How are you today?  I hope your symptoms are better for you!!

 

SandPeep - I also hope you are doing better today!!! 

 

I am having stomach pain, off balance and headache but it will get better!!!

 

Love,

Julia 

[[Sa...]]

Good morning.

 

I had a terrible night. I knew I was having an anxiety attack but it was so bad I began to think I was having a heart attack.

 

For the past few months I have not felt normal. Going through the motions of my days and no one knowing I am in a state of constant panic. Insomnia (3-5 hours of sleep a night)

Last night it peaked with rapid heart rate (my watch was showing me the numbers which would not come down with breathing exercises), felt like my heart was going to come out of my chest, was short of breath, irregular hear rate, chest pain, upper back pain.

After an hour I took 40 mg of Propanol and 300 mg gabapentin.

Those must have worked because I fell asleep and woke up with a lower heart rate and feeling drugged.

 

The Dr situation where I live has been terrible because my Dr left and the new one could not see me until next week.

I have been waiting several months  for this ‘ new’ patient appointment.

I went to urgent care a few weeks ago and was given gabapentin and a referral to mental heath.

I have taken the gabapentin a few times only because I am scared of it.

The mental heath person called me and did an intake- sent the results to a psychiatrist who I was told sent recommendations to the new Dr who I have not seen and have not heard from.

 

I am going to call this morning to see if I can get in today and if not go back to urgent care.

What I want  from the Dr is to get some help with the unrelenting anxiety and insomnia . Also to see if my heart is ok.

 

Anxiety is an illness that I have sought relief for all my life and Drs call that drug seeking. When I was a teenager I was hospitalized for an ulcer and put on Librium. The ulcer  was anxiety related and the old Dr then asked me if my home life was ok.

 

When I was in my 40’s I was given Klonopin which helped me so much. But penalty was high. I did get off for 5 years.

What I have done since last year is take K when I am at the end of being able to stand the anxiety. Last night I choose different meds.

 

I have a supply of K and V left over from my last taper. I do not want to take them but I keep them around for extreme anxiety. They scare me but I know there is relief so even having them without taking comforts me.

 

What I am thinking is my life long anxiety has not been treated correctly- covered it up with benzos and when I am off them I am a mess.

I am rambling but writing this is therapeutic .

I will write again after I see the Dr or go to urgent care. I am afraid I willl die when my heart acts up for hours.

 

 

[[ba...]]

Sand-

 

I am so sorry you went through a bad episode of tachycardia. Those are scary, really scary, I have had a few, the only thing that made it stop was medication, and I have only had them at night. I used left over pain medication for the last one. You are spot on that deep breathing wont help.

 

I am sorry for your struggles with getting good medical care. Push, insist, advocate for an appointment. Don't ask for medication when setting up to see someone, ask for help with anxiety. You can talk about medication during the appointment. Ask the doctor if they think going back on meds is a good option. As my therapist told me a long time ago, let the doctor be the doctor, don't tell hem what to do, and don't ask for meds, ask if they think meds would be beneficial. That way, you don't come off as pill seeking.

 

I don't think you saw this, but I wrote this to you a few comments back:

Sandpeep, you don't know this, but I was a moderator on this site for years, I stepped down recently. I would always advise people in your situation to go to this forum: Cold Turkey, Detox & Rapid Withdrawal

 

I want to keep you if you feel that our  forum is for you, but this group is perfect for you in ways we are not. I feel so bad you went to rehab, never found anyone who came out of it sicker than when they went in.  Also, there is a lot more experience in that group with going CT, and how to handle it. I think you will get input very suited to your situation.

 

Thank you for keeping us informed. I really hope you can resolve the doctor situation, I know it will take a load off stress off of you

 

[[Sa...]]

Baddove,

Thank you for telling me about your experience with heart episodes.

I will go to that group and look. It’s nice to be able to come here where people have been on benzos for a long long time.

Let the doctor be the doctor is great advice. Yes, I don’t go telling him I want gabapentin or Remeron but I can say what has worked for me.

  :'(

[[to...]]

Hi SandPeep  - I am so sorry you are having all these issues!  I agree with everything Baddove said in her post.

 

I had all of those problems when I was on the cold turkey too!  It was horrible and I feel your pain!  The only thing that helped me was when I was reinstated and got stable then tapered.  I had never had panic attacks until the cold turkey.  I too was in a constant state of panic and it would be so bad all I could do was lay in bed and hold myself to try to stop shaking. The internal tremors were also horrible.  I also had heart palpitations and thought I was having a heart attack.  I went to the ER and to many doctors trying to get help because I did not know what all this was at the time.  After 6 months of hell, I went to a PDOC and he put me back on xanax and it took a while to start feeling better and it took over a year to get stable.  I eventually started having heart attack and stroke symptoms and I know now I was going through interdose withdrawal and had reached tolerance.  I finally found BB and started tapering and have not looked back.  I have gotten so much better even though with each cut I do suffer WD but it is a lot better than CT.

 

I wish you good luck getting a doctor to help you and I will keep you in my prayers that you get some  relief.

 

Hugs and prayers!!

Julia

[[Sa...]]

Julia,

Thank you for your words! Just to know others have gone through this is comforting.

[[to...]]

Julia,

Thank you for your words! Just to know others have gone through this is comforting.

 

You are welcome!!  I hope you get better soon!!!

Hugs,

Julia

[[Lo...]]

Good morning.

 

I had a terrible night. I knew I was having an anxiety attack but it was so bad I began to think I was having a heart attack.

 

For the past few months I have not felt normal. Going through the motions of my days and no one knowing I am in a state of constant panic. Insomnia (3-5 hours of sleep a night)

Last night it peaked with rapid heart rate (my watch was showing me the numbers which would not come down with breathing exercises), felt like my heart was going to come out of my chest, was short of breath, irregular hear rate, chest pain, upper back pain.

After an hour I took 40 mg of Propanol and 300 mg gabapentin.

Those must have worked because I fell asleep and woke up with a lower heart rate and feeling drugged.

 

The Dr situation where I live has been terrible because my Dr left and the new one could not see me until next week.

I have been waiting several months  for this ‘ new’ patient appointment.

I went to urgent care a few weeks ago and was given gabapentin and a referral to mental heath.

I have taken the gabapentin a few times only because I am scared of it.

The mental heath person called me and did an intake- sent the results to a psychiatrist who I was told sent recommendations to the new Dr who I have not seen and have not heard from.

 

I am going to call this morning to see if I can get in today and if not go back to urgent care.

What I want  from the Dr is to get some help with the unrelenting anxiety and insomnia . Also to see if my heart is ok.

 

Anxiety is an illness that I have sought relief for all my life and Drs call that drug seeking. When I was a teenager I was hospitalized for an ulcer and put on Librium. The ulcer  was anxiety related and the old Dr then asked me if my home life was ok.

 

When I was in my 40’s I was given Klonopin which helped me so much. But penalty was high. I did get off for 5 years.

What I have done since last year is take K when I am at the end of being able to stand the anxiety. Last night I choose different meds.

 

I have a supply of K and V left over from my last taper. I do not want to take them but I keep them around for extreme anxiety. They scare me but I know there is relief so even having them without taking comforts me.

 

What I am thinking is my life long anxiety has not been treated correctly- covered it up with benzos and when I am off them I am a mess.

I am rambling but writing this is therapeutic .

I will write again after I see the Dr or go to urgent care. I am afraid I willl die when my heart acts up for hours.

 

Sandpeep,

 

I wanted to chime in to tell you that I had this very frequently in the first year or two of my taper.  It was beyond scary and I was convinced that I was having a heart attack.  Ultimately I ended up doing two stress tests (one in 2017 and another in 2018), wearing a holter monitor, and various trips to the ER only to find that everything was fine! 

 

For some reason, midway though the taper (getting below 2 milligrams) these symptoms started to subside.  Now, at this low of a dose, they're pretty much gone.  I'll never be able to make heads or tails as to why symptoms come and go, but for what it's worth, they often do! 

 

I hope this helps you.  I know that in the moments, they are so incredibly scary, but for me at least, they truly did pass with time. 

 

Hang in there!

 

Fondly.

Lori

[[He...]]

.3?

  Lori, you are so CLOSE! I admire you. I still have a long way to go.

 

HM

[[Lo...]]

.3?

  Lori, you are so CLOSE! I admire you. I still have a long way to go.

 

HM

 

HM,

Thank you… but it’s been a 3 year battle. I’d be lying if I said I was t downright exhausted! But I can see the finish line. Trust me, you’ll get here soon as well. If I can do this from 6 milligrams, anyone can. There certainly were many, many times when I wanted to quit. But here I am. Not finished yet… but inching my way closer.

 

I wish I knew earlier some of the things I know now about distraction and staying as active as possible. Hang in there… you’re closer to finishing than you think!

 

Fondly,

Lori

[[to...]]

Julia and HM,

 

Thank you so much for your support and encouragement!  You are both so lovely!  The doctor canceled due to a meeting.  Have rescheduled for Monday, but their practice seems very disorganized and after speaking with 3 different people on the phone, I’m not sure what info is correct!  I won’t go into the details about that.  So, I also scheduled with an addictions specialist later next week in case the doc falls through again.  Wowza, this is stressful all the anticipation and just trying to get in to see someone. 

 

I hope you are both having a good day!

 

Big Love,

 

Uni

 

Hi Uni - How are you doing?  A lot better I hope!  Have not seen you post anything lately!! 

 

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!!

 

Love and hugs,

Julia 

[[He...]]

Hi guys,

 

I'm just checking in. I have missed a few days. I did a cut on Friday and I am considering cutting a dose. I miss doses already and I seem to tolerate it OK. I know my signature says 7 doses but, at night, I skip doses because I don't want to get up, so i am averaging 5 doses a day. If I cut one more dose, I will be dosing 4 times a day or every 6 hours. I am curious what your guys dose times are, if you care to share.

 

 

Happy Sunday!

 

xoxo,

 

HM