Losing coordination and ability to use muscles

[[se...]]

Skyglider,

 

I was in touch with another BB and his foot went numb the last two months of his taper, this went on another 30 days post taper and eventually resolved.  At one point he rolled his ankle and could not feel it!  When he cut is toe after finishing the taper he rejoiced when he could finally feel it.  I think what you are experiencing is probably the result of your body adapting to the low dose.

 

Don't let your thoughts throw you into a panic this close to the end.  You will be fine, you are almost on the other side of this nightmare. Think about how wonderful it will be not to have to pick this crap up every month.  With every day that goes by you will get better and better.  That is something to strive for!  Hang in there, I am envious of your progress!! 

[[Aj...]]

Just want to say that I had ALL of what you are describing.

So bad that I couldn't lift my limbs more than an inch, had to be fed , bathed, wiped, and in a wheelchair. I required 24 hour care. No joke.

Lost my ability to walk...for months. Docs were sure I had a serious neurological disease.

I know it is horrific and scary as shit, like nothing else you have ever been through! I know you are thinking it is impossible for it to be this bad :'(

Just want you to know....... I survived it.

I am back to my athletic self!!!!!

I am 2 years off now.

 

Are you only better because of the amitriptyline?

I can’t take anything - have horrific reactions.

 

I have pretty much everything described here.

[[Sk...]]

Hi Seasalt52,

 

Thanks for you encouraging words. Don’t be envious of me. My life is a living hell right now, and I don’t see how I can continue to cut without inflicting more pain on myself. My dose of 0.042 mg/day of Clonazepam is the same as 0.84 mg/day of Valium, which is not a small dose from which I can jump. I am in it for the long, painful haul, and I am not optimistic about my future. I hate my life right now, and feel like I can’t stand the suffering much longer. I hope things work out better for you with your taper.

[[se...]]

I am so so sorry as I know you are suffering.  I hope you didn’t feel I was insensitive to your current state.  I am on alprazolam so my dose is significant as well, I completely understand where you are at and my heart breaks for you.  I am also struggling the lower I go.

 

Are you planning to hold to try to stabilize?  I haven’t though about at what dose I would consider jumping.

 

Prayers for you...

[[Sk...]]

I find that I never stabilize at all. I just collect more and more horrific symptoms. I will hold here for a few days, then cut again, but I don’t think I will survive the 21 cuts I have left to be free of this poison. According to Ashton protocol, should jump at 0.025 mg/day of Clonazepam, but I am hyper sensitive to the drug, so that would most likely kill me. I find my suffering goes up exponentially with linear cuts in the dose. I have read that for some, below a certain dose they started to feel better as they cut. That is not the case for me. I have been horribly dizzy for eight months now, and my perception of reality is distorted to the extent that I no longer wear my glasses unless absolutely necessary. I HATE what has become of my life. Lately, my body has a lot of aches and pain all over. I used to be perfectly healthy, now I am ready to die. As for you, jumping dose also depends on symptoms. What hell are you in right now? I never thought someone could suffer this much constantly with little to no sleep for the better part of a year and still be alive. I sincerely hope you are not in the same hell as me.

[[se...]]

I am so sorry.  I have been on a much slower taper and knock on wood I have had horrible side effects but have been able to stabilize by holding and only continue if when I felt strong enough.

 

I can’t imagine being anxious,  dizzy/nauseous like I am currently for eight months.  I too suffer from the all over body aches , it gets unbearable, then it’s subsides.  I am also very sensitive to the drug, but it appears you will not have relief until you are fully off this.

 

I’m not sure what the answer is for you, but I am thinking of you and praying for the best possible outcome.  You will get through this.

[[So...]]

Just want to say that I had ALL of what you are describing.

So bad that I couldn't lift my limbs more than an inch, had to be fed , bathed, wiped, and in a wheelchair. I required 24 hour care. No joke.

Lost my ability to walk...for months. Docs were sure I had a serious neurological disease.

I know it is horrific and scary as shit, like nothing else you have ever been through! I know you are thinking it is impossible for it to be this bad :'(

Just want you to know....... I survived it.

I am back to my athletic self!!!!!

I am 2 years off now.

 

Are you only better because of the amitriptyline?

I can’t take anything - have horrific reactions.

 

I have pretty much everything described here.

 

I believe it was a combo of amitrip and time for me!

Amitrip definitely helped the immobilizing, excruciating nerve pain. It got me out of the wheelchair and able to do PT to rehab my body.

But all and all.....I continue to improve with time. And the fact that I am now able to lead a very normal healthy life only helps continue my overall improvement as well I believe.

Like some things Amitrip did not take away...and they either faded with time or I still have it, just to a lessor degree that is not intrusive

ie: tinnitus, and muscle twitches, and some tingling 

I'm so sorry Ajusta that you cannot take anything else

Sidenote....I couldn't either, and after 19 different drugs screwing me over and supplements and even food making things worse, I definitely didn't think I could take anything else. I either just got lucky, or it was the fact that I microdosed it and never even went past the starting dose. It's like a childs dose really. I think docs always give WAY to much and our sensitive systems CANNOT handle it!!!

[[Aj...]]

I tried a tiny dose of nortriprylibe and it caused all my

Muscles to go flaccid and my head to fizz any whoosh more.

 

[[Sk...]]

I have continued reducing dose slightly and am getting more severe symptoms. I am down to 0.038 mg/day of Clonazepam, and last night I had severe abdominal cramps for the first time. I really can’t take much more of this suffering. I don’t see how I will survive this taper. What more should I expect as I wean off of this poison? I am getting very little sleep now. Last night I only got about an hour and a half of sleep. I am fading fast at this rate. Please advise.

[[da...]]

Have you tried any herbal/natural stuff to get you some sleep?

[[...]]

Skyglider,

I'm so sorry you are going through all the insane suffering!

 

You may want to slow down at the last tiny dose unless you have bad symptoms taking the dose. When I jumped from 0.1mg valium, everything feel like, exploded. Glutamate storm was what I got, quite dangerous.

 

 

[[Sk...]]

Thanks for all the advice. 4mom, did you have any symptoms before jumping from 0.1 mg of Valium? I would be surprised if you made it that far without any problems. My quality of life has already been completely destroyed, and I am still taking the equivalent of 0.72 mg Valium. Your problems jumping from 0.1 mg really have got me worried now.

[[...]]

Hi skyglider,

 

Yes, I had a horrific time tapering off the 2mg v in 11 months. My original plan was 2 yrs or so taping off but developed paradoxical effects taking the dose so had to speed up.

 

My sensitivity jumping is extreme as my system was messed up badly by years tapering off Lexapro  before starting v. So far I haven't heard anyone got the sensitivity level as lose to mine, but I did see others experiencing more dramatic effects jumping from even very small doses.

 

One thing I should have mentioned, the side effects of taking v subsided 6 months after jumping, with improved muscle strength, depression all gone, lessoning pain after diet change etc.

 

What I feel important is the awareness of the power of the tiny doses at the last stage.

[[Sk...]]

You got that right. As I cut lower and lower, my symptoms go up exponentially with linear cuts in dose. I am really worried I am doing permanent damage to my central nervous system. I am really pissed off that not one doctor warned me about the potential withdrawal effects. I did a cursory search on the web before taking them, but did not see sites like BenzoBuddies where you can see first hand how badly people are suffering because of the poison known as benzos. Have you fully recovered yet?

[[...]]

Well, my case got more complicated by covid. I was infected 6 months after stopped v when I just felt some glimpse of improvement.

 

Things got downward speedy rolling since then as my wd was wracked again with multiplied sensitivity. This soon led to my daily multiple reaction to neihbor vaping, the most horrific harm for 1 whole year before I realized the cause.

 

So I'm in the worst situation now. If not for covid and the smoke, I should have improved a lot.

 

 

[[Sk...]]

I am totally freaked out right now. I am down to 0.036 mg/day, split into a morning and evening dose. As I indicated previously, I already have horrible withdrawal symptoms, and intractable insomnia. However, when I take my dose, I notice I get heart palpitations/pounding heartbeat, and don’t feel at all well. I need to take it to stave off even worse withdrawal symptoms, but feel worse after taking it. I don’t know if this is a paradoxical reaction to the drug or not. However, I do know what to do now, and I fear for my future. I can’t go up, I can’t go down, I can’t hold, without withdrawal symptoms getting worse. Would I have been better off sticking to my rapid taper over eight months ago? Have I been makings matters worse by dragging out a taper that was full of horrible symptoms already? Where do I go from here? How will I survive this? The skin all over my body is numb to light touch. I am losing coordination throughout my body. I have been dizzy with derealization for over eight months. I developed POTS while on Clonazepam. I have an abdominal muscle spasm that happens every time I inhale that prevents sleep. My muscles are wasting away, and so cannot exercise anymore. I have tinnitus, noise sensitivity, and light sensitivity. My body hurts all over, muscles and joints.  I can barely stand for long periods of time. These are just a few of my withdrawal symptoms. I am rapidly losing my will to live. For the moment, I can still drive and am going to work, but both are very difficult for me. I am very, very worried. Did I destroy my central nervous system for good? I can’t envision living like this much longer. Who else has experienced such horrific symptoms and recovered fully? Is is even possible? How long did it take?

[[da...]]

Skyglider - Have you consulted a psychologist or psychotherapist for psychological dependence? It could be that your mind believes that holding/cutting will hurt, which, in turn, causes the mass expression of physical symptoms. Benzos can cause both physical symptoms and psychological symptoms.

 

Your dosage of 0.036mg per day is getting very close to Ashton's recommended jump point of 0.025mg.

[[Aj...]]

I have all of your symptoms and much more.

 

[[Sk...]]

I wish it were true that it is psychological in nature, and not the manifestation of underlying brain damage from that poison benzo, but it is not. I notice the cuts after the second day, when the level in my body starts to stabilize from the cut. To tell you the truth, I was at first surprised at how much worse things get as I cut. I read that some people said they felt the drug was losing its grip on them when they got below 2 mg of Valium. Perhaps it was because they didn’t do a rapid taper, and didn’t have that many symptoms to start with. I am suffering miserably, and I want it to end, one way or another. I no longer have a life worth living. So, the million dollar question is, for those who have endured this, should I continue cutting, in spite of the horrific withdrawal symptoms?

[[da...]]

So, the million dollar question is, for those who have endured this, should I continue cutting, in spite of the horrific withdrawal symptoms?

 

No one can really answer this question except yourself. As you said: "I can’t go up, I can’t go down, I can’t hold, without withdrawal symptoms getting worse.". And, as horrible as your situation seems, Ajusta said it so well "I have all of your symptoms and much more".

 

[[Sk...]]

The problem is that I also have a lot more horrible symptoms. List below is off the top of my head.

 

Constant dizziness/derealization for over 8 months

Severe insomnia (now only sleep 1-2 hours per night in short intervals)

Lost ability to feel sleepy tired while on Clonazepam

Always feel physically and mentally fatigued

Brain fog

Anxiety (especially as I cut dose)

Don’t feel pleasure anymore/lost interest in everything, hobbies, etc.

Lost of light touch sensation over skin on my entire body

Patches of numbness on skin, such as numb toe tips

Burning skin

Inner vibrations

Tinnitus and noise sensitivity

Light sensitivity

Constant muscle spasms throughout body once per second

Tremors throughout body

Left abdominal muscle spasms every time so inhale

Abdominal cramping (thankfully, only happened one night for entire night)

Weakness and muscle wasting

Muscle and joint pain/joints creak and pop

Losing coordination, especially in hands

Developed POTS while taking Clonazepam

Exercise intolerance

Heat intolerance

Cold intolerance

Horrible food intolerances

Bizarre sensation of touch in hands and feet

 

My life is literally a living hell right now. I am barely functional right now, and only do the bare minimum of what is required of me. This is not me. I used to juggle multiple projects at work and at home at the same time. Now, I feel hobbled by what that rat poison has done to my body and mind, and I question if I can recover from the damage to my central nervous system.

 

 

[[Ca...]]

Cant go up, down, or hold, -sounds familiar..

...so I held..

 

For ME holding (this time) has been a mixed bag..

-When I attempt a cut every few months my active/direct WD is lessening..

-Overall new symptoms are increasing, -more the deeper long term damage type things we see on the protracted board, and way too “benzo like” for my comfort given my current taper med (oxycontin)..

-There is some very slow healing progression of my worst medication damage thats been with me the whole way even pre-benzo..

-When I cut, I feel initially somewhat better for a couple of weeks, but what follows has been beyond me to maintain..

 

So what does this mean to me..?? -Who really knows..??

I do feel like my (oxy) tolerance is slowly lessening, as it did with valium, but its a toss up between deep damage and/or late onset benzo damage.. late onset benzo would kinda fit my overall experience, both with tapering and post jump/s..

But I also feel the whole decade long experience is feeding on itself, and probably that the damage is more my battle than actual WD itself..

Thus I feel holding is both helping and harming, a CT like a gunshot to the head, and a firm taper off from here too slow in recovery to be viable without intense in home support, -years, not months, from the writing on the wall, but its really impossible to know for sure.. Time will tell, I cut again 5 days ago..

 

I cant micro taper this med (slow release, short half life), which would be my first choice from here, but I hope the long hold has gotten me in the best position possible..

If things get too bad I will consider side stepping over to Gabapentin, but thats very personal to me, my symptoms, and past experience.. A big part of that is my distance from valium now coming up to near 3 years..

 

I share this not as advice, but to share a “stuck” experience..

Pls note that your “times” are much shorter than mine, and from your sig, your “exposure” less.. This hopefully has a bearing on your options and their effectiveness..

I hope you dont have to go through all the trial and error I have, but either way, dont give up and you will get there..

There can become a point where the old saying “The only way out is through” has much merit.. -imo..

 

**

Pls excuse the differing meds, but I wouldnt have written if I thought it really mattered..

Happy to clarify anything, but im generally not really into listing My symptoms or losses, -same, same, as we see all too regularly here, with some give and take..

 

 

[[...]]

It sounds very much like my tapering experience from 2mg to zero.

 

It's a very difficult situation like in between a rock and hard place, wd and paradoxical effects. For that reason, I tapered 2 mg in 11 months.

 

I couldn't hold  ( definitely not updose) as the paradoxical effects would increase, so I pushed through death trail to zero.

 

Extreme glutamate toxicity/storm after jumping, reacted to everything including most food, Muscle strength started improving 6 months after jumping, along with other sx.

 

You are still able to drive and push to work shows you are not as bad as mine. I was totally bedridden the entire tapering and until 1 yr post jumping.

[[Sk...]]

Hi Baddove,

 

Thanks for sharing your story. You really went through a lot because of these poisons, and are very strong to have endured it all. Your positive attitude definitely contributed greatly to your success thus far. I try to maintain a positive attitude, but it is difficult. I still have a long way to go to get off the drug, and my withdrawal symptoms never seem to let up. My dizziness upsets me greatly, and has been constant with no windows for over eight months. The dizziness and numb skin makes me feel like I am being cut off from the world and trapped in a body of pain and suffering. A body that I no longer recognize. A body that doesn’t work properly anymore due to my POTS symptoms. I used to exercise vigorously (weight lifting and jogging) three times a week, but can no longer. I constantly question whether or not I will be able to recover, and try not to give into the benzo lies. I try, but it is very difficult because as I cut I am getting worse. At this point, my only option is to continue cutting. I am down to 0.032 mg/day now, and will soon drop to 0.030 mg/day. Because I refuse to take any other drugs for sleep or otherwise, I get very little sleep these days, and it makes my suffering even more unbearable. Yes, I know the benzos lie, but the damage they caused to my body and mind is real and apparently long lasting. If I have even a fraction of the strength you have shown in your battle against these poisons, I should be able to pull through in time. Thanks again for the words of encouragement. I  wish you only the best in your continuing battle against these poisons.

[[Sk...]]

Hi 4mom,

 

I am sorry to see how much you suffered during your taper. Frankly, I am surprised because your starting dose of 2.5 mg of Valium was much lower than my equivalent Valium dose of 20 mg. You also tapered to a very low dose of 0.060 mg V, which is the same as 0.003 mg Clonazepam for me. You said after jumping you had horrible symptoms. Did you have them before jumping? I am trying to ascertain what to expect as I complete my taper. My symptoms are already horrible. It is true that I can still drive, and still go to work, but it is not easy, especially with little to no sleep. It concerns me greatly that I never get sleepy tired anymore. Did that happen to you as well? If so, how long did it take to resolve?  I wish you well in your recovery.