I ruined my life. I don’t see any of this getting better.

[Guest [pa...]]

It doesn't matter if you prolong the withdrawal if symptoms are more managable and much lower in intensity, which by definition of a proper (patient mediated symptoms based) taper they ought to be.

[[SF...]]

It doesn't matter if you prolong the withdrawal if symptoms are more managable and much lower in intensity, which by definition of a proper (patient mediated symptoms based) taper they ought to be.

I’m afraid of permanent damage. Am I going to heal no matter what I choose. I’m afraid of reinstating, I’m scared of making a decision that could screw me up for a long time or possible permanently in some way. The horror stories have really gotten to me.

 

I might be getting better but the progress is imperceptible. I still feel like I’m in a dream when I walk outside and I can’t help but compare it in my head to see if it’s starting to lift somewhat.

[Guest [pa...]]

Don't read horror stories. Most horror stories here are people with serious neurological ailments who've been polydrugged for decades.

[[Be...]]

SF, your mother is not only not supportive, she is ABUSIVE. No matter what a person is going through they do not deserve to be screamed at.  It sounds like your mother has some serious mental problems.  You need to get out of that home and get away from her.  I wouldn't want to get out of bed either, even if I felt healthy, with a neurotic angry mother yelling at me.  Talk to your therapist about your abuse at home.  You would feel alot better if you could get away from her.  People who are getting off benzo's need a supportive kind home environment since they are sensitive.  It makes me angry at your mother just reading your posts.   

[[SF...]]

It’s abuse but she has no idea it is. She genuinely thinks I’m making this all up and there’s nothing I can do to change her mind.

 

Praying that we all get better. I need to start showing improvement soon. I need my life back so badly.

[[Ha...]]

Everything go ok at the hospital? Hope reinstatement works for you

[[Th...]]

It’s abuse but she has no idea it is. She genuinely thinks I’m making this all up and there’s nothing I can do to change her mind.

 

Praying that we all get better. I need to start showing improvement soon. I need my life back so badly.

 

Unfortunately healing doesn't happen when you want it to.  Families don't understand.  My family thought I was faking it too.  They listened to the uniformed doctors that prescribe this poison and then claim WD doesn't exist or if it does, it only lasts a few weeks.  They are ignorant and uneducated.  My wife wanted me to move out of the house instead of having to deal with the psychological symptoms.  There is a good site, w-bad.org, that has information for families that just don't get Benzo WD, BTW it was started by a medical doctor.  How could anyone possibly understand what you are going through unless they experience it themselves?

 

It's certainly NOT permanent.  It's all temporary.  It's hard to wrap your mind around that when you are in the thick of your healing and recovery.  I would NOT reinstate.  You've been off over 3 months and that won't help in most cases?  the period of 3-6 months off was the worst for me.  I thought about reinstating all the time, but looking back, I am so glad I did not do it.

 

If anything reinstating will most likely reset your healing clock?  Unfortunately the Bezno WD Beast demands payment without mercy and will get payment in full one way or another either now or in the future. 

 

You can get past this.  I am 56 years old and started WD when I was 52 (almost 53).  From my experience, younger people usually have an easier time and recover quicker, but not always?

 

Maybe do what I did.  Even if you feel like crap, don't talk about your symptoms with anyone.  If a family member asks, change the subject.  Getting people to empathize with you can make things worse in some cases?  I found out that it was best to just avoid, distract, accept and show gratitude for any and all improvement.

[[SF...]]

It’s abuse but she has no idea it is. She genuinely thinks I’m making this all up and there’s nothing I can do to change her mind.

 

Praying that we all get better. I need to start showing improvement soon. I need my life back so badly.

 

Unfortunately healing doesn't happen when you want it to.  Families don't understand.  My family thought I was faking it too.  They listened to the uniformed doctors that prescribe this poison and then claim WD doesn't exist or if it does, it only lasts a few weeks.  They are ignorant and uneducated.  My wife wanted me to move out of the house instead of having to deal with the psychological symptoms.  There is a good site, w-bad.org, that has information for families that just don't get Benzo WD, BTW it was started by a medical doctor.  How could anyone possibly understand what you are going through unless they experience it themselves?

 

It's certainly NOT permanent.  It's all temporary.  It's hard to wrap your mind around that when you are in the thick of your healing and recovery.  I would NOT reinstate.  You've been off over 3 months and that won't help in most cases?  the period of 3-6 months off was the worst for me.  I thought about reinstating all the time, but looking back, I am so glad I did not do it.

 

If anything reinstating will most likely reset your healing clock?  Unfortunately the Bezno WD Beast demands payment without mercy and will get payment in full one way or another either now or in the future. 

 

You can get past this.  I am 56 years old and started WD when I was 52 (almost 53).  From my experience, younger people usually have an easier time and recover quicker, but not always?

 

Maybe do what I did.  Even if you feel like crap, don't talk about your symptoms with anyone.  If a family member asks, change the subject.  Getting people to empathize with you can make things worse in some cases?  I found out that it was best to just avoid, distract, accept and show gratitude for any and all improvement.

Why do a lot of people never seem to heal? I’m so terrified. Even the success stories scare me. And my Mom needs me to make progress in school. I don’t think I’m going to be healthy enough by January to start school.

[Guest [pa...]]

Why do a lot of people never seem to heal? I’m so terrified. Even the success stories scare me. And my Mom needs me to make progress in school. I don’t think I’m going to be healthy enough by January to start school.

Look. Back in 2010 I cold-turkeyed from a cocktail of psychiatric drugs. I was taking them since 2008. And I just threw everything in the bin. And I was fine. It was probably awful. I say probably because I don't even rember. It was so awful my brain erased those memories. The only thing I rember is that I used to drink from time to time, I who loathe alcohol. Despite drinking I healed. I started sleeping again and better than ever. When I was asleep nothing could wake me. And that in spite of drinking gallons of coffee during the day.

My only mistake was starting them again in 2018. Had I been benzo-wise I wouldn't have cold-turkeyed in 2010, and I would've found a different way to deal with problems in 2018. But, the point is, I used them for much longer than you, and I used much more drugs than you. And I healed. Forget horror stories and find a way to make your family understand.

[[SF...]]

Thank you for the hope pacenik. I’m still so scared. I don’t know if I’ve started healing. Any progress I’ve made is imperceptible.

 

I’m having a really hard time with the derealization and depersonalization. It makes me slightly agoraphobic because whenever I go for a walk I’m always trying to notice if it’s getting better and going away. But it’s still there for sure and things don’t look right, particularly lights look intense. I always notice headlights on cars look way brighter than they used to. I’ve tried my best to just enjoy walks with my dad and our dogs, but it always gets to me and sometimes I just walk home because I’m reminded in every moment that things aren’t right with me.

 

[[Th...]]

Progress is imperceptible at first.  You won't be able to tell if you're healing or not as it is very non linear and very UP and down, 1 step forward, 3 steps back process.

 

The people that claim they never heal almost always have had a host of other underlying conditions and/or illnesses and many times were poly drugged.

 

The people that claim to never heal, hang around the longest.  There are very few people, like me, that have healed and hang around to provide hope and support.

 

DP/DR are pretty common and I had that too.  Symptoms suck, but I can assure you, no guarantee you, that they are TEMPORARY.

 

If you never hand any of these symptoms prior to getting off of Benzos, then they will GO AWAY over TIME!

 

You are NOT stuck.  This is NOT permanent.  You ARE healing whether you feel like it or believe it.

 

It's like saying I don't know if the sky is blue on a cloudy day.  Of course it is, but you can't see it and right now you can't see how you will heal and get past this, BUT you WILL

 

Each passing day brings you one day closer to being healed for good regardless of how you feel from day to day.

 

 

 

[[SF...]]

I never had any of these symptoms before I was hospitalized and given ativan during my stay. Even for basically the whole time I was on valium except the very end, I didn’t have these symptoms. I have never had dp/dr my entire life. This is all brand new to me, but it’s basically been there for nearly 4 months straight now

[Guest [pa...]]

Well I never had any of these symptoms I'm now having before. Before I took my rescue doses I was basically baseline except with 3AM cortisol surges and GERD. After withdrawal from benzos one really shouldn't be taking them on "as needed" basis. Do you know how frustrated I feel? I've tapered, twice, in a realatively short time, and now I'm dealing with symptoms as if I did cold-turkey. All that time, and effort, wasted.

[[SF...]]

I just went for a walk and it made me feel horrible. The only thing I can handle anymore is laying in bed. I’m just crying now. I can’t live like this. I’m not going to make it through this.

[[Be...]]

SF, What is wrong with your mother saying she NEEDS you to make progress in school and to go back in January?  You're 27 years old and your domineering mother has no right telling you you need to get back to school in January.  What's her problem?  If I had a mother like that I'd be terrified of her and get out of that house as soon as I could and then I'd break off contact with her.  She's unbelievable!  You shouldn't be listening to your mother dictating to you what you should and should not do at your age.  You're a grown man at 27 years old.  YOU should be telling your mother what you will and will not do with your life and she should be alright with that.  You're not a minor anymore and your mother needs to leave you the hell alone and let you decide what you will do with your life.  Most parents never talk to their grown children that way.  Why are you living at home anyway?  When I turned 21 I moved out of the house and lived on my own and never moved back.  I'd pack my bags tonight and leave if I had a mother like yours.  I'd be in a screaming battle with my mom if talked to me the way your mom talks to you. I'd slam the door in her face too if she came at me the way your mom comes at you.  Why don't you just tell her she's being abusive and to stop doing that to you and being so demanding.  Maybe you can get your father to talk to her or is he afraid of backlash too from her?  It makes me sick reading how your mother treats you.     

[[SF...]]

My life is over. This is never going to get better for me. I’m stuck in bed. I had a future before this. I had a happy brain. I had goals and dreams.

[[SF...]]

I didn’t want this to be my life. I wouldn’t be in Benzo withdrawal if I had moved out on time. My entire life is ruined.

[[SF...]]

I went for a walk and it just triggered me and made me feel horrible. I ruined everything. This is never going to get better for me. I’m suffering.

[[Be...]]

SF, YOU didn't ruin anything.  I think that's your domineering abusive mother saying in your subconscience that you are to blame and now you're blaming yourself and feeling guilty.  You had no way of knowing what these evil wicked drugs would do to you.  You will get better.  If you were healthy before you took the benzo's then you will eventually be just fine.  Why did you start taking them in the first place?  Don't need to answer if you don't want to.  Isn't there someplace else where you can live?  Maybe a friend or other relative?  IMO, you need to get away from your mother ASAP.  She is making you feel 100x worse than you normally would.  The light and sound sensitivities and DP/DR will get better.  I had it really bad when I was off a few months and it got better.   

[[SF...]]

It doesn’t matter my brain is broken

[[Be...]]

Your brain isn't broken, it will get better.

[[SF...]]

I would have already started to heal

[[Be...]]

I believe your mother's abuse might be keeping you stuck.  Too much glutamate storming from her negativity towards you. 

[[Th...]]

I never had any of these symptoms before I was hospitalized and given ativan during my stay. Even for basically the whole time I was on valium except the very end, I didn’t have these symptoms. I have never had dp/dr my entire life. This is all brand new to me, but it’s basically been there for nearly 4 months straight now

 

Correct and it's all caused from Temporary Benzo damage.  You're life is not ruined and your brain certainly isn't broken! 

 

Each recovery healing experience is UNIQUE and no 2 WD experiences play out the same way.

 

It's normal to be negative and pessimistic, but I am done trying to give hope and help you.

 

Just like people can only accept their situation when they are ready to, you will realize one day that everything I and others have told you is true!

 

Until then good luck!

[Guest [pa...]]

Man, you just won't listen. You have people who were on benzos for 50 years and recovered. And it has not been three months. You said you drank alcohol in the meantime, and alcohol just causes further glutamate storms and aggravates the withdrawal (which is one big glutamate storm). Instead of complaining you ought to be proactive and finally decide what you're going to do. You can either reinstate, and go on with your chores, or grit your teeth and get some supplements to ease your suffering through this withdrawal.