I don't take relapse seriously

[[Ma...]]

I'm always pampering and treating myself. Sauna and steam rooms nearly everyday. Walking outdoors. Playing disc golf. Daily cannabis use. I would probably be having more fun if I wasn't struggling with food issues. If I overeat the wrong foods I get horrible stomach pain that sticks around for days. Sort of hard to have fun when you feel like you are dying of a disease or have brain damage.

 

I'm doing better than a lot of the other members here and I am super unhappy and find it extremely difficult to enjoy the little things and be grateful at times. It's really just the stomach pain for me though because I still worry it is cancer at times. I think I would make more of an effort to be happy if it wasn't such an issue sometimes. Thinking you are going to die can take the fun out of the day when you are only 35. I don't enjoy comedies anymore either. I feel like I am at war everyday and don't want to laugh at stupid shit honestly. I find the whole thing disturbing.

[[Ja...]]

It does get much better when the stomach stuff starts to resolve.

[[Ch...]]

We don't know what's going on and shouldn't speculate about or diagnose JIT or anyone else.  Let's move on from this, please. JIT will not be posting.

 

Challis

[[Ju...]]

I was just reading back through my oldest posts, it's been almost 5 years. Still going strong, still haven't gone back to the pills.

But you know what Sofa and others who commented? I still feel the same mentally in a way. I'm like okay well I'm almost 100% now, but I also got high half of the journey here, stoned out of my mind for a good 50% of this process. And now I haven't gotten high in months and months, and I'm like okay this new found sobriety off of pills is great, but what about the rest?

The therapist says I've got mental conditions, I see my doctors on the regular basis. I just don't agree with any of them, I'm not a big fan of the normal government lifestyle. I guess that's just me, I defeated death multiple times, but I'm still kicking and trying to figure out why.