18 - 24 months and wavy.... aka "Who moved my finish line?"

[[br...]]

 

This is so encouraging Klungo . I'm really happy for you . 

[[Kl...]]

 

This is so encouraging Klungo . I'm really happy for you . 

 

Not me I'm not quite there yet.. but hope as I get closer to 24

[[NY...]]

a buddy in a group I'm in hit 24 today:

 

Feeling much better! I had every symptom imaginable! The only thing I really have left right now are tingling feet and muscle spasms in my calves. I feel like I can live with that until I'm a 100%. I have really noticed a change in the last couple of months! It gets better keep fighting!

 

I asked if it got better after 22:

 

I am sorry you are going through a tough patch. Yes, around 22, 23 months things really started to get better. Then all the sudden most symptoms were gone. You are almost there!!! Keep pushing through!!!

 

Thanks so much for sharing this, Klungo.  I'm still in an incredibly intense acute wave, day 36 I think.  To read these awful symptoms could vanish for good in an instant is just what I needed to hear to keep enduring.

 

All the best to everyone,

WR

 

 

[[la...]]

 

Well due to a horrendous family 4th July I am back in a small wave , which so far seems mild . However I still feel close to the end of the journey.

 

Thank you LaLa for sharing your thoughts on  weight issues and the benefits of therapy . I'm starting therapy again later this month . At the moment I have so many raw emotions . I feel that somehow the recovery process has opened up ' Pandora's Box ' . It's a bit like waking up in the recovery room after surgery. You hurt like Hell but you feel glad that you have survived. The problem is that unlike the recovery room with pain meds. on tap , you have to say no to the nice nurse who is going to give you the calming shot and feel the pain .

 

I think that for many women and some men food has the ability to become the drug of choice . Think about it. It's legal , available , cheap and you can drive the kids to school whilst under the influence.  The hard thing about getting off the addiction is that you can't just stop eating and every mouthful can keep the addiction going.

 

It's good to be able to share . Maybe we should open a support group to help with the problem of food addiction. What do y'all think ?

 

Brave Rabbit, I would be interested in a group that deals with food addiction. For me food has definitely been my drug of choice. With clonazepam I never, ever took more than prescribed. I always followed 'the rules.' With food I have been very abusive. Either starving myself or overeating like you wouldn't believe.  :'(

[[Ps...]]

If you guys don't mind me asking.  What symptoms do you have left? Are they physical or mental?  What's your typical day like?

[[az...]]

Part of this club now.

[[az...]]

22mo. + 19 days

[[br...]]

 

Back in a luscious and lovely window . Sleeping better and feeling much more like my pre- benzo self. I could lead a three week tour of Europe right now with no problema . Still having the odd leg and arm muscle aches and cramps sometimes and a few twitchings  , but nothing like the misery of the last few months.

[[NY...]]

Great news, Rabbit.  Hoping it stays open 4ever.   

 

I also had a couple of window days, lovely and renewed my hope.  Back into acute wave today though  .  They're so incredibly strong, so hoping for a big healing spurt.  I can feel myself healed underneath the symptoms more and more, if that makes any sense.

 

I'm going on vacation in 10 days, and hoping this acute mess clears up.

 

Hope everyone else is hanging in there.

 

Hugs

WR

[[br...]]

 

W.R. You are so right about the sense of being almost at the end of the long journey. Even though the recent waves have been horrendous I have had this rather odd , but welcome feeling. It's almost as though my C.N.S is doing the final tweaking it needs to do. Actually I am in complete wonderment of this new process. I never appreciated before how finely tuned our bodies are. It's a miracle how everything works together . I now believe in holistic medicine , basically in letting the body heal itself and not throwing every crap medicine at it. The ugly truth is that there is profit in every aspect of the  'Health Industry '. Just think about that word ' Industry'. Disgusting.

 

Rabbit hutch rant over. Love y'all. 

[[NY...]]

Absolutely echo your feelings about intrinsic healing, Rabbit.  I've spent much of my life throwing various things into the mix...meds, herbs, supps, etc.  No more.  Just good clean living.  It's such a freeing feeling.

 

And yes yes, this the end!  I can feel it too, like for real this time .  But whoa, what a dramatic finale, yikes! 

 

Stay strong buddies.

 

Love

WR

 

 

[[So...]]

How are any of you able to leave your house? I am so messed up I am terrified to leave my home and I don’t want to, all I feel is fear and I just don’t know how much longer I can hang on. I am almost 15 months off and I’m so scared this is as good as it gets, four months now in this wave and it’s has

Gotten better but it’s still here, the depersonalization and de realization now s severe and the fear and feeling of impending doom and scary thoughts are also still here, I just want it to go away

[[So...]]

Joining.  CH, thanks for starting this and your support.  18 1/2 months and still suffering.  Anxiety is #1 symptom.  Fatigue, Feeling Down and feeling crummy.  Looking for this to be behind me soon.

[[ma...]]

following

[[Co...]]

Hey Soulman and Magnesi - welcome.  I think our little thread is languishing because we're all just hunkered down and quiet, waiting this damn thing out. 

 

I'll be 19 months out this week, and still very symptomatic.  But for the past year, I've been able to see improvements when I look back on six months or more. 

 

I've been told, and I keep reminding myself daily, that months 18 - 24 are very hard because we're worn down and losing hope.  I think it's also the window of time in which we're most at risk of going back on meds.  I also think (hope/pray) that we're in the final stretch.  It really does seem that many people heal around or shortly after month 24. 

 

On bad days, I fear that I'll never heal.  On good days, I fear that I've already healed, and this is as good as it's going to get.

These are benzo lies!!!

 

We've made it this far.  We're strong enough and brave enough, and we're going to see this thing to the finish. 

 

I hope every one of us one day heals and is able to say that we're better than we were before benzos. 

 

I've said from the start that if I'm going to have to suffer this badly, I want this to be a transformative experience, and I still believe this is possible.  WE'RE ALMOST THERE GUYS! 

[[Fa...]]

I'm part of this club too. CH, thank you so very much for this great initiative. At 19 months out, my body is almost healed...I have occasional mild physical sxs. But my brain is either too busy or too slow ...looking to find equilibrium. I really hope this to happen soon. It's good you remind us that most people heal at 2 years give or take...We are almost there!

[[So...]]

sorry guys I don't really have a group at this point but I'll post here I am 15 months off today and I just wanted to say I am scared and this group here is really nice and supportive, I love coming here and talking to other souls who truly know the depth of the pain that we feel right now, it is so awful and horrific all I can do is hold on and hope that it ends one day you know and that we will all get our lives back at some point.

 

Hoping maybe by two years I can have my old life back, I am just a shell of a former self and I don't know how I got here or how this happened but we have to keep the faith and hold on and hope that things get better. People here have healed from far worse withdrawals than what I am dealing with so that keeps me going you know, any kind words are always so appreciated.

[[br...]]

 

It will be O.K. Songbird . Others have healed and we will too.

Remember that we are in the final stretch of the Marathon , always the hardest.

Our wonderful lives are waiting for us .

[[So...]]

Thanks so much Rabbit you're always so kind and reassuring I really appreciate it, I know some of the friends I've made here will be friends for life because nothing bonds you more to somebody than walking through the pits of hell together. We are all so strong and total warriors 

[[Gr...]]

Well I'm an official member of this club now, 18 months off today. I'm disappointed, seems like I've just been in a plateau since the 12 month mark. My baseline isn't any better, guess I should just be grateful it isn't worse. Functional but blah.

[[Ke...]]

Hang in there Songbird!  I'm a few weeks behind you. still have the impending doom and fear all the time too.  Unfortunately, I have to leave the house to drive to work.  Luckily, I only work a few miles from my house so its tolerable although I'm a nervous wreck driving there.  I'm still very fatigued too, hoping for a window or some glimmer of hope to recovering from this nightmare.  All we can do at this point is live one day at a time and stay positive. 

[[mi...]]

Well I’ve been avoiding posting here because  I completely convinced myself that there was no way that at almost 24 months off I was still experiencing waves. Instead I’ve convinced myself that I’m dying of one of dozens of fatal diseases at any given time.  I somehow completely begin to doubt the validity of my own experience of how terrible and difficult it was to get off of benzos in the first place, I was questioning myself and that makes me feel crazy.  It’s been a pretty stressful last year with starting going back to college, moving, and losing my best friend at age 31 to breast cancer just three months ago.

 

I just got back from vacation in Colorado where I sent myself to the emergency room because I was convinced that I had a brain tumor and was awake for over 40 hours with insomnia.  Right now my ring and middle fingers on my left hand wag back-and-forth when I hold my hand outstretched and I’ve convinced myself that I have Parkinson’s disease. I’m so so sick of feeling this way and I’m losing hope that I’ll ever be fully functional again.

[[Ry...]]

I'm not quite in this time frame yet, but wanted to get some perspective from those of you a bit ahead of me.

 

For the last two months my healing pattern has changed up a bit. Its moved into a pattern where I am feeling several "OK" windows in a day. Not 100%, but feeling, well, not too bad. They last anywhere from 30 minutes to a couple of hours. The weird part is that when I'm not in these windows, my symptoms are very wave like. In an intense way. The ups and downs are very much like windows and waves but they happen multiple times during the day. I used to go several weeks in hell, then get a day or two reprieve here and there. Is this the rapid changing/cycling of symptoms I've read about in the healing process?

 

I'm wondering if any of you have experienced this or are currently experiencing this. If you have any insight, I would greatly appreciate any input.

[[Gr...]]

I'm not quite in this time frame yet, but wanted to get some perspective from those of you a bit ahead of me.

 

For the last two months my healing pattern has changed up a bit. Its moved into a pattern where I am feeling several "OK" windows in a day. Not 100%, but feeling, well, not too bad. They last anywhere from 30 minutes to a couple of hours. The weird part is that when I'm not in these windows, my symptoms are very wave like. In an intense way. The ups and downs are very much like windows and waves but they happen multiple times during the day. I used to go several weeks in hell, then get a day or two reprieve here and there. Is this the rapid changing/cycling of symptoms I've read about in the healing process?

 

I'm wondering if any of you have experienced this or are currently experiencing this. If you have any insight, I would greatly appreciate any input.

I had some periods of rapid cycling, but it was more 24hour cycles than window/waves within the same day. At 18 months out, I sometimes still have a bad day followed by a really good day, but not so much multiple days in a row going back and forth anymore.

[[Ry...]]

Thanks for the feedback Grape. On one hand it’s uplifting to get a couple of mini windows per day but on the other hand, getting hit with despair and DR equally as many times during the day is very disheartening. I’m hoping this leads to some evening out of a bit more stability.