13 to 17 month group

[[co...]]

Encouraging Klungo.

[[az...]]

I had a horror week last week, but this week since Monday things have gotten better. Most mornings for 4-5 hours I've felt close to normal, then I get some sx during the day and the evenings have been ok. One evening I felt 100%.. I am hoping that things are finally starting to turn here at just over 17.75 months. Not out of the woods yet but seeing some hope.. have to see how the next 6 days go when I hit 18.

 

Thank you

[[Co...]]

I had a horror week last week, but this week since Monday things have gotten better. Most mornings for 4-5 hours I've felt close to normal, then I get some sx during the day and the evenings have been ok. One evening I felt 100%.. I am hoping that things are finally starting to turn here at just over 17.75 months. Not out of the woods yet but seeing some hope.. have to see how the next 6 days go when I hit 18.

 

Great news, Klungo - hope the trend continues. 

 

15 1/2 months off here, buddies, and sure as hell never thought I'd still be here and still in the thick of it. 

 

All of my worst, "bugger" symptoms are still just as bad:  anxiety, terror, depression, dp/dr, agoraphobia, anhedonia, muscle/joint pain, migraines, tinnitus, fatigue, some insomnia, toxic wakeups and dreadful mornings. 

 

Most symptoms seem to still be cycling in and out without reason.  Some things have improved and remain so:  vision is a little better, sense of touch in hands, feet and face is still coming back... light and sound sensitivity are better.  I occasionally have a night of almost normal sleep - still with insomnia, but without the hours of horrible ruminating and ideation.  Most mornings I wake up still with crushing depression, but the "toxic wakeup" and cortisol rush are diminished. 

 

One new symptom is severe muscle pain in my legs.  I have severe agitation as well - not sure if this is still akathisia or what. 

 

The worst part for now is just the endlessness of it all.  I'm mostly trying to hang on to hope.  I had a four day window in February - my first real window!! - in which the dp/dr lifted.  I felt like my soul had slipped back into my skin.  It broke my heart to see it end, and the fear returned stronger than ever.

 

I  hope, and truly believe, that many of us will be crossing the finish line in the coming months.  I'm glad we have each other for support.  As lousy as everything still is, I'm hopeful of feeling better before the two year mark.  haha when I started I thought I'd be healed in three months and would forget this all by six.  Then I thought I'd "turn a corner" by month six...  Then I thought surely by 12 months... 

[[kl...]]

Hi ComingHome.  I'm an interloper here, having come off Klonopin 21 months ago after taking it as prescribed (2.5 mg/day) for 25 years.  Like all BenzoBuddies, we are indeed suffering from an iatrogenic illness and have to help each other as best we can.  I have been plagued by persistent agitation, anxiety, dizziness, insomnia, head pressure and paresthesia (icy-hot and tingling skin sensations) on my arms and legs for several years.  The realization that these were symptoms of tolerance withdrawal induced me to come off the poison.  For me, the severity of the emotional symptoms has lessened a bit during the past year but the physical symptoms remain as troubling as ever.  In fact, the paresthesia seems to have worsened during the past few weeks.  I was interested to see that you have developed leg pain as a recent new symptom and am thinking that's also a manifestation of prolonged Klonopin toxicity, as I surmise (and hope) is the case for my persistent and newly worsening paresthesia.  In any case, we just have to keep soldiering on together.  All the best.

[[Co...]]

Hi K.A. 

 

I had some terrible neurological symptoms during the last five years on clonazepam - no idea it was tolerance withdrawal.  In some ways already, I feel better mentally, in ways I can't describe.  The mental symptoms now are just horrific, but in tolerance wd my personality was drastically different, and in some pretty alarming ways.  So glad to be out of that nightmare and to have hope of being myself again one day. 

 

Sorry to hear about the paresthesia.  I suspect also that some of the muscle pain is caused by prolonged marinating in cortisol. 

 

Every single bit of this just rots.

 

CH 

[[pi...]]

Hi I'm 13 months off tomorrow. Did anyone else get a wave around the one year mark where they felt they were just more revved up? I've been having an increase and nervousness, stressful dreams, blood pressure spikes, higher pulse, plus chest tighness which is a new symptom. I thought maybe my thyroid was overactive and so did myndr, but then the labwork came back today and it was normal. So now I'm seeing a cadiologist next week and worrying about heart problems. Did anyone else have symptoms like this? Did they pass?

 

Yes

 

I really needed to see this today. Ive been struggling to rationalise the uptick in issues at 1 year. Like the further along I go the less sense it makes.

 

Grapejuices issues are identical to mine as well which is really reassuring that its not some random medical thing. Im really so glad you are all here because the health anxiety is driving me nuts right now and I dont want the ordeal of going through the medical system over and over to find nothing and be stared at like a nut case.

 

Great to see you here grapejuice  . I have been looking for a thread like this for last week or so as I am at 13 months in 1 week. Like magic, BB's provided 

 

Remember the wise words,

 

Just keep swimming - dory, finding nemo

[[So...]]

Hey guys I am at the one year mark as of two days ago and was doing so well for months, like felt I was healed and wrote my success story. I am so sad right now because I have had a severe acute like wave that started in the middle of March and is still going on. I am a mess. I truly thought this was all behind me and I am hoping that maybe this is the last wave and final push my brain needs to be healed.

 

I have heard about the one year wave but I think this was stress induced for me, I was in court testifying all the time against my former business partner and during that time my younger sister ended up in ICU with a severe auto immune illness she is still not recovered from. I was doing great from month 6 to month 11 after jumping and then to have this wave happen is so devastating and I just feel so sad and broken.  feel broken. I try my hardest to be this positive person and support for other people on here and when I thought I was healed i would come back and reassure people that it all goes away and now I am just so fearful I'll never be normal again and that my life is over at 25.

[[Gr...]]

Hi Songbird, the stresses you described would be hard on anybody, I think you got hit harder just because your CNS is still sensitive. Is the court stuff done at least? It sounds like as long as life was going smoothly, then you felt ok. Can you just eliminate as much required from you as possible for a while to let your body recover? Just do the same things you did to cope during your initial acute phase. Your life is just getting started at 25, I'm sure at this time next year you'll feel completely different.

[[So...]]

Hi Songbird, the stresses you described would be hard on anybody, I think you got hit harder just because your CNS is still sensitive. Is the court stuff done at least? It sounds like as long as life was going smoothly, then you felt ok. Can you just eliminate as much required from you as possible for a while to let your body recover? Just do the same things you did to cope during your initial acute phase. Your life is just getting started at 25, I'm sure at this time next year you'll feel completely different.

 

Hey Grapejuice, thanks so much for getting back to me. Yes luckily the court stuff is now over thank goodness. I have been down and out for about a month and a half now so I am just really hoping this wave lets up soon. Thanks so much for the reassuring words. I am trying really hard to be positive it's just scary. I really wanted to have kids soon and I don't know when I'll be better

[[pi...]]

Dont lose hope. It maybe just one more round in the healing tank and your off to the races again. Its harder to see the gains the further from the Jump day but i think there is definitely still progress over time.

 

Sorry to hear of your troubles and they are tough indeed. Your a good person from the sounds of things so please allow me to say this; make sure to take care of yourself and not give yourself to others at the detriment of yourself. Its okay to be selfish at times and even though it sounds like you have built up some resilience again, you need to take the time to heal completely. Obviously being there for your sister is a big deal and you cant just walk away but Im sure she will understand if you need some space from the world for a bit. I am sure you also would recommend this for others.  Take some space. Back away from all these things a bit if you can. Look after yourself.

[[So...]]

Dont lose hope. It maybe just one more round in the healing tank and your off to the races again. Its harder to see the gains the further from the Jump day but i think there is definitely still progress over time.

 

Sorry to hear of your troubles and they are tough indeed. Your a good person from the sounds of things so please allow me to say this; make sure to take care of yourself and not give yourself to others at the detriment of yourself. Its okay to be selfish at times and even though it sounds like you have built up some resilience again, you need to take the time to heal completely. Obviously being there for your sister is a big deal and you cant just walk away but Im sure she will understand if you need some space from the world for a bit. I am sure you also would recommend this for others.  Take some space. Back away from all these things a bit if you can. Look after yourself.

 

Thank you so much for being so kind I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. I definitely have put others first a lot and it's just hard since my mother doesn't believe that what I'm going through is real at all just saying I'm a bad sister and all of this other stuff, it makes me feel awful. I can tell my husband is getting sick of this too, it's just so unbelievable a pill can do this to you. I am so hoping this wave will let up and maybe I'll be better again.

 

I was living totally normal again with no restrictions and truly thought this was behind me. I take comfort though knowing that it took a hell of a lot for me to have a wave, like crazy stressful circumstances not just everyday stress so that's good. It took my 5 months last time I jumped to feel better so I'm hoping maybe like 3 months for this wave? I'm just not sure and I have this horrific obsessive thought about me dying that it looping through my mind constantly right now and it's been like this for five days now. I am just hoping this isn't my brain and that the bad thought is just a withdrawal symptom. Sending you all love and healing

[[pi...]]

Hi All

 

I just wanted to post an update. Im drawing to an end of month 15 and I am in a weird place. Im healed alot, but Im also the most mentally defeated since this whole journey began 

 

Has anyone noticed any particular patterns to the 12-18 month period. Like I have no idea what to expect in these coming months. any info would be great. In the older 6-12 month group, we would compare and contrast timelines and issues and i was kind of hoping to continue doing this.

 

So its been.....

 

Month 12-13 minor improvements in sleep but still just generally sickly, tiredness and stress tolerance really low.

Month 14: Has been a few waves where its like the spin-the-wheel of symptoms, except they only last a shorter duration. Like id get bad sleep for 4 days, then it would switch to bad bowels for 3 days, then no stress tolerance for 2 days and round and round. Like that weird cycling of symptoms is speeding up for me. One day there I felt like i was on speed!, really frikkin weird. (im usually rather introverted)

 

On the plus side....Im having stretches of time almost weekly now of what i think is pretty much normalcy (like a few hours here and there). I just still cant push myself at all which is the main reason for being disheartened

 

Is anyone else experiencing similar pictures/symptoms this far out? Id really like to have some idea whats normal around this period if i could....

 

[[Gr...]]

Hi Pinky! I'd like to hear from others in this timetable as well. I'm 15-1/2 months off. My main symptoms over the past month are tinnitus spikes, constant fatigue, brain fogginess/sleepiness, increased anxiety (triggered by work stress, I'm just more sensitive to it now), very tight neck/jaw. I still get chest tightness sometimes when I'm really anxious but haven't noticed it when jogging for a while now.

[[Be...]]

Hi Grape and Pinky, i think we share similar symptoms and patterns. Im closing in on 14 and while im not healed I feel times where its minimal and other times when its very annoying still. All I know is from what I have been reading on here that the further we go, the better it gets and most are healed by 18 months. All of us have our own date when its over, hopefully for us its very soon. Broken sleep is my main symptom along with fatigue and overall bleh feelings. We just have to keep pushing.

[[Gr...]]

Hi Beat, I hear you on the broken sleep.I usually get 6-7 hours total but I almost always wake up at least once, usually to go to the bathroom. Sometimes I fall asleep again quickly, sometimes not. I still have more nightmares than I did pre-benzos too. I constantly feel a little sleep deprived, like I need just one more hour.

[[be...]]

HI.

 

Helping a friend through this recovery process and she has some questions.  Any advice of comments would be greatly appreciated to provide support for her. 

 

basically 13 Months off.    Was on for 6 weeks and then 8 months of taper.  While overall things are getting better from the early days.  The Waves seem to be much worse.  When they hit they hit hard.

 

She is having quite a big of numbness and tingling at times.  At first is was in the feet and arms and now up the back.  Does that get better over time ?    Do others have those symptoms ?

 

The extreme depression and anxiety is gone but it still lingers.

Some of the current anxiety is probably related to exterior stresses.  Work and a relationship issues ( lack of support and understanding etc ).  When those those seem to cause anxiety it raises all of the symptoms significantly .

 

She uses some nutritional supplements

she Exercises as much as possible as a working , and mother of a younger child. It's hard to find the time but she does enjoy doing that.  Do others find value in exercising ? 

 

She tells me a lot that she doesn't know what to do, or where to go from here.  Any suggestions ?

 

she also comments a lot that this has been going on for so long that she has forgotten what she was like before the stress that caused all of this.  Do others feel that same way ?

 

 

Any feedback , comments, validations etc that I can pass along would be appreciated.

 

I appreciate everyone on this site as this has been so beneficial for her to see other that are going through this same thing.  Without this site it would have been so much harder to understand.    I pray for all to heal as quickly as they can!

 

Thanks for any feedback.

 

 

 

 

[[pi...]]

Hi Beat, I hear you on the broken sleep.I usually get 6-7 hours total but I almost always wake up at least once, usually to go to the bathroom. Sometimes I fall asleep again quickly, sometimes not. I still have more nightmares than I did pre-benzos too. I constantly feel a little sleep deprived, like I need just one more hour.

 

Hi Grape and Pinky, i think we share similar symptoms and patterns. Im closing in on 14 and while im not healed I feel times where its minimal and other times when its very annoying still. All I know is from what I have been reading on here that the further we go, the better it gets and most are healed by 18 months. All of us have our own date when its over, hopefully for us its very soon. Broken sleep is my main symptom along with fatigue and overall bleh feelings. We just have to keep pushing.

 

hey beat and grape, thanks for checking in  . dang, thats so eerie how you both have the exact same stuff going on with you (im so relieved to see im not alone, it means so much really). I too get the 6-7 hours with that feeling of "just one more hour" constantly with x1 bathroom trip, spot on!

 

oh and the nightmares that scare the daylights out of me and linger all day like they actually happened.

 

and Yes! the general bleh feeling constantly is like the main character of this period. god its so good to hear confirmation from others of this because I constantly do the benzo hand wringing of "what am i doing wrong" over and over making me feel absolutely crappy. But in the end its all the last gasps of this withdrawal monster before it goes quietly into the night. God i hate this thing so much and want to be done. 15 months we've been going through this hell. I feel out of steam 

[[pi...]]

HI.

 

Helping a friend through this recovery process and she has some questions.  Any advice of comments would be greatly appreciated to provide support for her. 

 

basically 13 Months off.    Was on for 6 weeks and then 8 months of taper.  While overall things are getting better from the early days.  The Waves seem to be much worse.  When they hit they hit hard.

 

She is having quite a big of numbness and tingling at times.  At first is was in the feet and arms and now up the back.  Does that get better over time ?    Do others have those symptoms ?

 

The extreme depression and anxiety is gone but it still lingers.

Some of the current anxiety is probably related to exterior stresses.  Work and a relationship issues ( lack of support and understanding etc ).  When those those seem to cause anxiety it raises all of the symptoms significantly .

 

She uses some nutritional supplements

she Exercises as much as possible as a working , and mother of a younger child. It's hard to find the time but she does enjoy doing that.  Do others find value in exercising ? 

 

She tells me a lot that she doesn't know what to do, or where to go from here.  Any suggestions ?

 

she also comments a lot that this has been going on for so long that she has forgotten what she was like before the stress that caused all of this.  Do others feel that same way ?

 

 

Any feedback , comments, validations etc that I can pass along would be appreciated.

 

I appreciate everyone on this site as this has been so beneficial for her to see other that are going through this same thing.  Without this site it would have been so much harder to understand.    I pray for all to heal as quickly as they can!

 

Thanks for any feedback.

 

Hey and welcome.

 

Sorry to hear about your friend. I will try to help how i can. She seems to be exercising and participating in life so that gives a good impression that she's doing better than many on here.

 

in answer to the question regarding tingling and numbness......Yes this along with many symptoms goes slowly over time. They faded in intensity for me personally until its like now where its barely noticeable when i get some tingling or numbness and im not sure if its benzo's WD or something else like ive been sitting down for too long. So it fades into normalcy in a way.

 

Exercise is a mixed bag. It gives the normal benefits but it also ramps up the Central Nervous system which is a trigger for many. So the general advice people give is to do what you can, when you can and not to push yourself like you used to when exercising. Do it in small doses. I used to gym hard for an hour with 30 mins cardio. Now i walk around the block or up the road and maybe do 3 sets of light weights. Its depressing but its manageable. otherwise i can go into a tailspin for days to weeks. Ill literally feel like i may need to go the ER after a gym session thats too hard, my BP and heart rate start to skyrocket and plummet.

 

yes I feel like i forgot what normal felt like a long time ago. That part of this. On the plus side, as you get close to normal its like stumbling around your old childhood neighbourhood. It all starts to 'come back' to you and you realise you remember but it was just buried in your long term memory which requires stimulation.

 

I would advise your friend to join if she wants more support. Its really no pressure on here, just gain from others and reach out to help. Nice of you to help her. Goodluck to you both. Always happy to talk.

[[Be...]]

"On the plus side, as you get close to normal its like stumbling around your old childhood neighbourhood. It all starts to 'come back' to you and you realise you remember but it was just buried in your long term memory which requires stimulation. "

 

That's exactly the way I would describe this as well.

[[Li...]]

I'm about 12 months and a week or so at this point. I was doing better here and there, but I've fallen into a horrible place within the last week or so. I don't know if it would considered physical or psychological symptoms, but I've been dealing with severe confusion lately. It's almost as though I feel mentally drunk, without any of the physical symptoms of being drunk..

 

I've been struggling with confusion, muddled thinking and brain fog.. It's really difficult to cope with, because I feel so spacey and lost in my thoughts, nothing makes sense to me anymore. I can still function and have conversations, but I just feel really out of it, as if my head is filled with cotton and I just can't think straight or rationalize. I really hate this feeling, especially with the anxiety that is apparently working in unison with it.

 

It scares me that I could feel this way at just over 12 months out. How in the world is this possible? It gets especially worse at night.

[[Gr...]]

Hi fellow 13-17 monthers, does anyone else still have a lot of neck/jaw pain and stiffness? Sometimes mine is so bad I even get little numb spots. I think muscle spasms might be triggering the ear zaps that have been bothering me a lot lately.

[[Be...]]

Hey grape I had that really bad earlier when I came off, it felt like steel rods in my neck but it has all passed now. I think its muscle related

[[So...]]

I am getting so impatient, if I could just get rid of irrational fear and bad thoughts i would consider myself healed and out of this wave, and I still have a lack of being able to feel positive emotions and all of that which really sucks, I am just worried this is maybe the new me and I am just not accepting that this is my brain now and my real thinking. I was awesome in January and February no symptoms and felt totally healed I just don't how I could get so bad again you know?

[[Li...]]

I am getting so impatient, if I could just get rid of irrational fear and bad thoughts i would consider myself healed and out of this wave, and I still have a lack of being able to feel positive emotions and all of that which really sucks, I am just worried this is maybe the new me and I am just not accepting that this is my brain now and my real thinking. I was awesome in January and February no symptoms and felt totally healed I just don't how I could get so bad again you know?

 

Right there with you, Song. I don't seem to have windows anymore, I've just been stuck in a big wave or horrid "baseline" with the same irrational fear and negative thoughts that you speak of. Not really sure what to do about them and also worry that it's all just me now. Ready for this anxiety to leave.

[[pi...]]

I am getting so impatient, if I could just get rid of irrational fear and bad thoughts i would consider myself healed and out of this wave, and I still have a lack of being able to feel positive emotions and all of that which really sucks, I am just worried this is maybe the new me and I am just not accepting that this is my brain now and my real thinking. I was awesome in January and February no symptoms and felt totally healed I just don't how I could get so bad again you know?

 

Right there with you, Song. I don't seem to have windows anymore, I've just been stuck in a big wave or horrid "baseline" with the same irrational fear and negative thoughts that you speak of. Not really sure what to do about them and also worry that it's all just me now. Ready for this anxiety to leave.

 

Great description....I sometimes worry that its all just me now. Its not us. The windows prove it right, we cant feel that much better if this is 'us'....