Over 60 help and support.

[[Fi...]]

Sure, Final.

 

I tapered the valium first. Then I tapered gabapentin. And last, Ambien. Ambien was a toughie -- but only psychologically. Although it wasn't helping me sleep, I was reluctant to give it up. Magical thinking, I guess. Well, I found other ways to sleep. Yes, I tapered them one right after the other.

 

No, I didn't think my age was a hindrance. Hey, we may be "old" but we've been around the block a few times. We know how to be patient, and how to be smart. We don't make impulsive decisions. So maybe my age actually helped me!

 

I stayed motivated because I had plans/dreams/hopes of getting back to the life that benzos had stolen from me. I'm a writer -- a novelist -- and I got writer's block on my taper. Worse than that, I got reader's block. I was as dumb as a box of rocks. My therapist helped me stay the course. She never stopped believing in me even when I doubted I could make it. I spent hundreds of hours watching reruns of old sf series on my Kindle. That's all I could do. Distraction from my despair and feeling like sh**. . I sure wished I could have read, but alas, I couldn't.

 

And then I started to feel like a human being again! My s/x -- malaise all over my body (benzo flu?), nausea, excruciating headaches, dizziness, awful tinnitus, fear of just about everything . . . started to fade. At 3  months off I didn't feel better; at 6 months I felt some better; at 9 months I felt lots better; and a year off, I felt darned okay. And I became able to read again! Then, the Christmas of 2017, I sat down at my computer and planned out a new book. I wasn't sure if I could finish it, but I did. And my second post-benzo novel was just published. What really did it for me was to ask myself, once I indeed felt like a human being, what would bring me joy. I'd just lost 6 years to drugs and their aftermath . . . time was moving on . . . what would bring me joy, I asked myself? Because at the end of the day, I didn't want to regret that I hadn't followed my joy. For me, joy is writing. 

 

Final, it's really, really hard to see beyond our depression when we're in that state. I know it well. But if you can imagine a better life for yourself . . .if you can visualize how things could be different . . . maybe even how you can pick up where you left off pre-benzos . . . that will help a lot.  And you need someone in your corner, cheering you on. For me, it was not the doofus who prescribed my valium, but my talk therapist who does not have a prescription pad or believe in drugs.

 

So,  that's my story. I don't think it's quite a success story -- I still have tinnitus and headaches. And I'm scared to death of PAWS. Every time I get a little stomach upset I set my hair on fire. But so far, no PAWS.

 

Hope this helps. I do feel better . . . about 98% better. I went to hell and was lucky enough to come back. Most of the way. And that's good enough for me.

 

 

Katz

 

Thank you so much Katz for your detailed reply.  It helps very much.  Congratulations on having your books published, it's an accomplishment, medications or not.  But to write and be published after getting off meds is wonderful. 

 

I too am a writer, well more of a speaker first and then writer.  My genre is self-help of all things.  I was working on a proposal for a 3rd book when I had a terrible fall off of Lamictal last fall.  Thats how I ended up on benzos again.

 

I too lost my abilty to read, watch tv or even go out all last year.  That started to change in the late spring/summer.  I still have a ways to go but it's better. 

 

I do have someone in my corner.  I work with a benzo coach, who is also a therapist and has gone through benzo withdrawal as well.  She has kept me as grounded as I possibly can be during this time. 

 

I also very much want to live some of the life I had before and some things I am happier to give up.  I mainly want to have some quality time with my husband again, help others and find a creative outlet. 

 

Going through benzo withdrawal, more than the other tapers, really squashed my hope.  I have to hang onto the words of others to keep that hope alive.  I know it's not my fault I cant feel hope because when your gaba receptors are down, it's hard to find that optimism.

 

Though you have your own standard of success, you feel like a success story to me.  I understand the health anxiey and my bank account reflects how that anxiety has played out with different practitioners. 

 

I am hoping your tinnitus eases along with the headaches. 

 

Thank you again for sharing all of this.

[Guest [Lo...]]

Lookin, if it were me, I would start with your benzo. I believe that is conventional wisdom here. First the benzo, then other drugs. I followed that protocol and it worked out. How much to reduce by? How about 5-10% every two weeks or so. Maybe start with 5%. Have you read the Ashton Manual? Ashton lays out a pretty good reduction schedule.

 

https://benzo.org.uk/manual/bzsched.htm

 

Hope this helps,

 

Katz

You are very helpful, Katz,  Did you feel horrible the whole time?  Should be enjoying my life now, not this!

[[or...]]

Yeah, I pretty much felt awful the whole time I was tapering. So we owe it to ourselves to carpe diem once we're off, right?

 

 

Katz

[Guest [Lo...]]

Yeah, I pretty much felt awful the whole time I was tapering. So we owe it to ourselves to carpe diem once we're off, right?

 

 

Katz

Katz, did you ever get the feeling of needles sticking in you, and brain fog?  Pressure in ear? Runny nose? 

[[or...]]

Major brain fog. My ears were extremely painful off and on. I felt sometimes like I was being pricked by needles in my toes. Runny nose . . . nope!

 

So many werid s/x.  :'(

 

Katz

[[Fi...]]

Needing some support today. 

 

After 3 okayish days, woke up, (though I dont sleep well) feeling low.  I know there is no rhyme or reason for the drop, just part of wirhdrawal.  But it said me focus on my age and the time going by. 

 

I feel in that compare and despair mindset.  Everyone else, younger and with more time, is living life, while I crawl of this medication. 

 

I was feeling more hopeful the past 3 days and now, back to fear and sadness.  Not horrible but disappointing. 

 

I feel as wintry as the weather today. 

 

 

[[Ma...]]

Needing some support today. 

 

After 3 okayish days, woke up, (though I dont sleep well) feeling low.  I know there is no rhyme or reason for the drop, just part of wirhdrawal.  But it said me focus on my age and the time going by. 

 

I feel in that compare and despair mindset.  Everyone else, younger and with more time, is living life, while I crawl of this medication. 

 

I was feeling more hopeful the past 3 days and now, back to fear and sadness.  Not horrible but disappointing. 

 

I feel as wintry as the weather today.

 

I'm so sorry FH.  I think we all feel that way at times.  It is hard getting off this crap.  The younger people feel they are loosing the years where they are finding careers and husbands, uni and we feel we are loosing the years we should be enjoying all the benefits of those things.  It is soul sucking sometimes, but all we can do as we heal is a day at a time.  You are improving, I see it in your posts.

We all love you.  :smitten:  Mary 💜

[[Fi...]]

Needing some support today. 

 

After 3 okayish days, woke up, (though I dont sleep well) feeling low.  I know there is no rhyme or reason for the drop, just part of wirhdrawal.  But it said me focus on my age and the time going by. 

 

I feel in that compare and despair mindset.  Everyone else, younger and with more time, is living life, while I crawl of this medication. 

 

I was feeling more hopeful the past 3 days and now, back to fear and sadness.  Not horrible but disappointing. 

 

I feel as wintry as the weather today.

 

I'm so sorry FH.  I think we all feel that way at times.  It is hard getting off this crap.  The younger people feel they are loosing the years where they are finding careers and husbands, uni and we feel we are loosing the years we should be enjoying all the benefits of those things.  It is soul sucking sometimes, but all we can do as we heal is a day at a time.  You are improving, I see it in your posts.

We all love you.  :smitten:  Mary 💜

 

Thank you so much Mary.  That is very well said, there are losses for everyone no matter the age. 

And yes, I do feel like I am improving, which is why when I drop it's still disappointing.  I know this will happen over and over as I taper but it still throws me.

 

I hope you are hanging in there Mary, you are a wonderful to support to me and others.

[[Ul...]]

I am overwhelmed.  Where do I start?  How much do I start tapering?  So glad I found this site.  I need advice.  Thank you!

 

Thank you so much for your reply.  I would love to do the Klonopin first, but I am afraid that the interdose withdrawal I am already getting is more related to the Ambien’s short half life.  Have tried stabalizing before even starting by increasing K by .25 and taking three doses a day instead of one at night.  I think that is helping. Has only been a few days  You have come so far and must be so happy.  I hope I can take control of this and do it too before I end up at a rehab center to get it all out of my hands.  Don’t want that.  Just ordered a Milligram scale to measure out Ambien doses.  How much would you recommend going down each time?  I am on about 7.5.  Last night woke up drenched in sweat with numb arms.  I have a feeling it is Ambien.  Interdose symptoms are lots of needles jabbing, anxiety, adrenaline, twitching.  Hoping this interdosing will help with that and I can move forward.

 

Lookin, from your discussion with Pamster on the Taper Board, you decided that the Ambien was causing you the most trouble and you were going to taper it first. And Pamster agreed with you.

 

I see you're already in the Z-drug Support Group.

 

I'm afraid that you are going to get confused if you keep going from board to board asking the same question. You're not going to remember who said what and who knows what about your situation. I would suggest you pick a support group related to the drug you are tapering and get guidance on it in that one place.

 

Gardie

 

Hey Gardie!! Hope you're doing super these days. On a different subject, I just wanted to let you know that I contacted SG yesterday and finally got him. I can't believe it has been this long, but he's almost SEVEN years since jumping. Can you believe it? He's come a long way he said, but he's still symptomatic enough to not be able to work or do many other things though. He sounds good and his attitude is good, but what a challenge! I still miss "the gang".

 

Take care, sweet lady!

 

Jeff

[[52...]]

 

Hi Fellow Wise-Ones:

 

I just started a taper from clonazepam on Nov. 1 and it isn't bad so far. I went from 1 mg to .5 last year then had a concussion. I have started back and have found the great support groups on-line and am tapering.

 

I have questions that I'd love some thoughts on:

 

• Have you been able to travel at all? This has been a love of my life and what I thought I would do at this age!
  Do you worry about driving and how do you know if it's a problem?

Do you all worry about taking care of your grandchildren? Mine are 3 and 6 and I adore them and time with them.

Are there any special pieces of advice you would give to make this process tolerable?

 

 

• 
  

 

Thanks a million for your advice and support. I look forward to providing it right back!

 

[[Ul...]]

 

Hi Fellow Wise-Ones:

 

I just started a taper from clonazepam on Nov. 1 and it isn't bad so far. I went from 1 mg to .5 last year then had a concussion. I have started back and have found the great support groups on-line and am tapering.

 

I have questions that I'd love some thoughts on:

 

• Have you been able to travel at all? This has been a love of my life and what I thought I would do at this age!
  Do you worry about driving and how do you know if it's a problem?

Do you all worry about taking care of your grandchildren? Mine are 3 and 6 and I adore them and time with them.

Are there any special pieces of advice you would give to make this process tolerable?

 

 

• 
  

 

Thanks a million for your advice and support. I look forward to providing it right back!

 

Hey 52, well I guess everybody's experiences are different. I was on a mega dose of klonopin for well over 2 decades (I'm in year 25 now including my 4 1/2 yr taper), and I sure haven't had any problems driving. Traveling locally or within several hours hasn't been an issue either. Traveling by plane is a different story. I can't even fathom that, but remember that I'm an outlier in this whole thing. Most people probably weren't on 6 mg/day of k for 21 yrs plus polydrugging, so I'm sure I'm not the best to ask. Heck, enjoy taking care of your grandkids! I'm sure that would be healing in itself and help you through the process. I bet they're lucky to have you. After all these years of mega k dosing and now tapering, I would just suggest just taking things one day at a time, keep your eye on the finish line and not things right in front of you, distract with things you enjoy, and have faith in the process. Get in nature, be around family and positive people, and don't center your entire existence on tapering. You'll be hunky dory

 

Take care!

Jeff

[[Ca...]]

please i beg, i need

support and help on what to do.  i cannot updose, as i am in tolerance WD, the ativan doesn't work on me anymore. it's like placebo.    Since mid Sept i have come down from 3.75 mg  to 3.10  mg of ativan.  i was ok doing .02 cuts per day on MLT, but, i changed measuring cups and realized too late that my old measuring device and this onee aree not equivalent.  so, for the oh, 3 weeks, i have been tapering fast and didn't know it.  probably doing .04 a day. i don't know. i really don't.  i just know that 3 weeks ago, i started adding more water to batch of solution, and didn't realize it.  so, the last 3 weeks aree what's getting  to me.  slapping me upside the head.  because in 3 weeks i went from 3.30 down to 3.10.    pleasee what can i do ?? i cannot updose, is my only option holding and riding it out, it's pretty intense.  i felt ok doing the nice .02 cut per day, then i goofed up .  darn it.  help, someone, please, thankyou, kindly.      help, please.  do i updose or hold orr what, my brain cog fog is so instense, it has an amnesia like quality.  and my guts hurt and my body aches everywhere.    pleasee, some kind soul help me get on the right track, i don't know what to do?  alone and afraid.

[[Ul...]]

please i beg, i need

support and help on what to do.  i cannot updose, as i am in tolerance WD, the ativan doesn't work on me anymore. it's like placebo.    Since mid Sept i have come down from 3.75 mg  to 3.10  mg of ativan.  i was ok doing .02 cuts per day on MLT, but, i changed measuring cups and realized too late that my old measuring device and this onee aree not equivalent.  so, for the oh, 3 weeks, i have been tapering fast and didn't know it.  probably doing .04 a day. i don't know. i really don't.  i just know that 3 weeks ago, i started adding more water to batch of solution, and didn't realize it.  so, the last 3 weeks aree what's getting  to me.  slapping me upside the head.  because in 3 weeks i went from 3.30 down to 3.10.    pleasee what can i do ?? i cannot updose, is my only option holding and riding it out, it's pretty intense.  i felt ok doing the nice .02 cut per day, then i goofed up .  darn it.  help, someone, please, thankyou, kindly.      help, please.  do i updose or hold orr what, my brain cog fog is so instense, it has an amnesia like quality.  and my guts hurt and my body aches everywhere.    pleasee, some kind soul help me get on the right track, i don't know what to do?  alone and afraid.

 

If you said you cannot updose, then I guess the only choice you have is to hold,right? If you're going to hold and you feel miserable, then find what works to help you relieve some of the stress and worry (huge drivers of anxiety and sx). The more we analyze and focus on our symptoms the worse the whole situation becomes. I did a similar thing you did on more than a few occasions. I tapered too fast but didn't realize it until it was too late. I definitely should have updosed even a tiny amount (probably would have helped psychologically too), but I was determined to stay on track. I was forced to find some tools to help me cope. I ended up spending a lot of time in nature in a super quiet environment and also ended up doing some fairly intense exercise while there. I didn't eat very much but I ate really healthy and easily-digested foods when I did. Drank only filtered water. Found some meditations. Listened to quiet music in noise cancelling headphones. Heck, whatever worked! Keep searching. You'll find yours

 

Hang in there!

 

Jeff

[[Fi...]]

Can't figure out my path right now. 

 

I'm semi functional but very crushed with depression to varying degrees.  For example, I took a webinar yesterday and today towards my professional standing.  I also walked yesterday but generally I feel so down. 

 

My coach says that the dose of Clinzapam I am on causes depression as a side effect because its equivalent to about 8-10 mgs of Valium. 

 

I have tried to taper conservatively but still havent found a rhythm of tapering that fits except to try and cur when I feel okay and hold when I feel bad. 

 

But is the depression confuses me because it happens from both withdrawal and the side effects.  I keep thinking and have been told that getting to the lower doses could alleviate some the heaviness of my mood.

 

Has anyone else had this heavy depression and did it get better as you got lower? Or any thoughts on what I have posted?

 

Thanks. 

[[Ba...]]

I don't know how you tell what is a side effect and what is withdrawal.  Sometimes I take dose and it makes me feel hot or cold and vibrations.  I imagine that is a side effect?  However, when I began taperingi klon a few years ago, never had any of that.  It was after my CNS was totally blown up by mirtazapine did I get all the withdrawal stuff.  I really am not sure how we are supposed to sort this out.

 

i will say lowering dosages has not helped my depression and have a feeling that won't improve unless I add something on (which makes it ever more confusing what is what), as many do.

 

Were you depressed to begin with?

[[Ba...]]

Final, how are you doing??

 

 

[[Fi...]]

I'm okayish.  I've struggled with a wave that seems to be subsiding.  Going to hold for a little longer and then I will start with a small cut again.

 

To answer you previous question, I got depressed due to exhaustion and grief after my mom died.  I have had times in my life where I have been down but I would not describe myself as a depressed person. 

 

Being on psychiatric medication and withdrawing from it has caused the most depression for me.  I have had times during this withdrawal where I have felt the depression lift, so I know ots connected to withdrawal and the side effects of Clonzapamn.

 

I still feel like I am under water most of the time and I'm deeply sad about what has happened to me but I'm hoping that I will feel better as I go lower. I'm hoping my body will rejoice in not being weighed down by this stuff.

 

How are you Barbara?

[[Jo...]]

Heart blips and skips anyone? This last cut was a doozy. Throwing PVCs for days. Told they are benign, but, still, what an anxiety head trip. Anyone having the same?

[[Ma...]]

Heart blips and skips anyone? This last cut was a doozy. Throwing PVCs for days. Told they are benign, but, still, what an anxiety head trip. Anyone having the same?

 

I am sure there are some out there in bb experiencing them right now.  Very common and terribly uncomfortable   

[[Jo...]]

Heart blips and skips anyone? This last cut was a doozy. Throwing PVCs for days. Told they are benign, but, still, what an anxiety head trip. Anyone having the same?

 

I am sure there are some out there in bb experiencing them right now.  Very common and terribly uncomfortable   

 

Oh heck yes Mary. Has anyone had them about a week after a Valium cut? I am attributing onset to the Valium lag.

[[Ma...]]

Heart blips and skips anyone? This last cut was a doozy. Throwing PVCs for days. Told they are benign, but, still, what an anxiety head trip. Anyone having the same?

 

I am sure there are some out there in bb experiencing them right now.  Very common and terribly uncomfortable   

I can't name anyone ny names but if you go to the search engine under your avatar, and put heart skips, pvcs and Valium, I bet a lot of stuff will come up.  Just click on the topic above in bold and it will take you directly to who posted  .    Trishy , in Long Hold was is on Xanax, but she went through a really bad period after a cut. 

 

 

Oh heck yes Mary. Has anyone had them about a week after a Valium cut? I am attributing onset to the Valium lag.

[[bl...]]

I'm okayish.  I've struggled with a wave that seems to be subsiding.  Going to hold for a little longer and then I will start with a small cut again.

 

To answer you previous question, I got depressed due to exhaustion and grief after my mom died.  I have had times in my life where I have been down but I would not describe myself as a depressed person. 

 

Being on psychiatric medication and withdrawing from it has caused the most depression for me.  I have had times during this withdrawal where I have felt the depression lift, so I know ots connected to withdrawal and the side effects of Clonzapamn.

 

I still feel like I am under water most of the time and I'm deeply sad about what has happened to me but I'm hoping that I will feel better as I go lower. I'm hoping my body will rejoice in not being weighed down by this stuff.

 

How are you Barbara?

 

Hi Final Healing:

 

Thought I would introduce myself to this sub-forum via your comment. I understand your grief and loss of mother. Some years back, before my use of benzos this earlier this year, was diagnosed with a serious and on going health issue just a few months prior to my mothers passing. When dad passed we supported each other. I understand the gravity of your loss. Can still hear my mother's voice when I was in my thirties--you will be 60 before you know it.

 

I made a big drop last month and have had fair days (still uncomfortable) followed by not too pleasant days. It took great motivation to run a few necessary errands today (groceries). Feeling the waves as you stated. It's a lonely struggle and glad I can chat with others online.

 

Shall drop by this support group. It humbles me to think--I am well over 60 how did that happen!

 

In fact, as I type, recall my mother had restless leg syndrome and took 1 mg. K for years at bedtime. Never did she have issues with tolerance or interdose withdrawals. Amazing! 

 

Cheers

[[Ba...]]

I will write more later, but if I'm on 2 mg valium, crumb of clonopin (.005 by weight, think about .02 mg clon), 2/3 to 3/4 ambien, does it make sense to up the valium, drop the clon and ambien?  Or at least the clon crumb?

 

My brain does not work well.. hope this made sense)

 

thx

[[or...]]

So Barbara, is your intention to combine everything into valium? That would be 2 mgs of valium, plus about .4 mgs of valium (clonopin) plus 7.5 mgs of valium (your 3/4 of a Ambien tablet) to equal about 9.5 mgs of valium?

 

How would you do a c/o or would you? How many times a day would you dose? Your approach makes sense to me . . . as long as you think it through. Why not combine all your bits and pieces into valium and do a proper taper off everything instead of picking away at the pieces? I think your brain is working very well.

 

Anyhow, you'll make the best decision for yourself.

 

Katz

[[Fi...]]

I'm okayish.  I've struggled with a wave that seems to be subsiding.  Going to hold for a little longer and then I will start with a small cut again.

 

To answer you previous question, I got depressed due to exhaustion and grief after my mom died.  I have had times in my life where I have been down but I would not describe myself as a depressed person. 

 

Being on psychiatric medication and withdrawing from it has caused the most depression for me.  I have had times during this withdrawal where I have felt the depression lift, so I know ots connected to withdrawal and the side effects of Clonzapamn.

 

I still feel like I am under water most of the time and I'm deeply sad about what has happened to me but I'm hoping that I will feel better as I go lower. I'm hoping my body will rejoice in not being weighed down by this stuff.

 

How are you Barbara?

 

Hi Final Healing:

 

Thought I would introduce myself to this sub-forum via your comment. I understand your grief and loss of mother. Some years back, before my use of benzos this earlier this year, was diagnosed with a serious and on going health issue just a few months prior to my mothers passing. When dad passed we supported each other. I understand the gravity of your loss. Can still hear my mother's voice when I was in my thirties--you will be 60 before you know it.

 

I made a big drop last month and have had fair days (still uncomfortable) followed by not too pleasant days. It took great motivation to run a few necessary errands today (groceries). Feeling the waves as you stated. It's a lonely struggle and glad I can chat with others online.

 

Shall drop by this support group. It humbles me to think--I am well over 60 how did that happen!

 

In fact, as I type, recall my mother had restless leg syndrome and took 1 mg. K for years at bedtime. Never did she have issues with tolerance or interdose withdrawals. Amazing! 

 

Cheers

 

Hi Blue,

 

Thanks for your response.  Yes, the loss of my mom and the excessive caretaking I did, caused me to go on this medication path. 

 

I know there is no way but forward yet it is a hard path right now. 

 

Let's all keep supporting each other.