Over 60 help and support.

[[bl...]]

I'm okayish.  I've struggled with a wave that seems to be subsiding.  Going to hold for a little longer and then I will start with a small cut again.

 

To answer you previous question, I got depressed due to exhaustion and grief after my mom died.  I have had times in my life where I have been down but I would not describe myself as a depressed person. 

 

Being on psychiatric medication and withdrawing from it has caused the most depression for me.  I have had times during this withdrawal where I have felt the depression lift, so I know ots connected to withdrawal and the side effects of Clonzapamn.

 

I still feel like I am under water most of the time and I'm deeply sad about what has happened to me but I'm hoping that I will feel better as I go lower. I'm hoping my body will rejoice in not being weighed down by this stuff.

 

How are you Barbara?

 

Hi Final Healing:

 

Thought I would introduce myself to this sub-forum via your comment. I understand your grief and loss of mother. Some years back, before my use of benzos this earlier this year, was diagnosed with a serious and on going health issue just a few months prior to my mothers passing. When dad passed we supported each other. I understand the gravity of your loss. Can still hear my mother's voice when I was in my thirties--you will be 60 before you know it.

 

I made a big drop last month and have had fair days (still uncomfortable) followed by not too pleasant days. It took great motivation to run a few necessary errands today (groceries). Feeling the waves as you stated. It's a lonely struggle and glad I can chat with others online.

 

Shall drop by this support group. It humbles me to think--I am well over 60 how did that happen!

 

In fact, as I type, recall my mother had restless leg syndrome and took 1 mg. K for years at bedtime. Never did she have issues with tolerance or interdose withdrawals. Amazing! 

 

Cheers

 

Hi Blue,

 

Thanks for your response.  Yes, the loss of my mom and the excessive caretaking I did, caused me to go on this medication path. 

 

I know there is no way but forward yet it is a hard path right now. 

 

Let's all keep supporting each other.

 

Indeed. I too was caretaker for a number of years. I sought comfort by "other means" after the loss. If I had benzos available would likely have used them--maybe just short period - hindsight. My relatively recent benzo use was a result of an age related medical issue that all men experience. The accompanying relentless insomnia lead me to benzos--after trying the Z and benzo based sleep medications. They made me feel anxious during the day and did not work even when upped the dose. I was very sleep deprived.

 

The irony is, and lingering irritation, is that I informed doc/nurse I do not want any drug with dependency as an effect.

 

Every single non-dependency sleeping aid was either refused by HMO. One very promising new drug that targeted melotonin receptors was over $1000.00 per 30 day supply. Insurance wanted $600.00 for 30 day supply. Don't get me started on insurance/healthcare profiteering.

 

And to think my first 30 day supply of 3 x .50 X was only $3.20 with insurance. Outrageous.

 

Yes--let us stay in contact. When alone this tapering takes--courage I suppose.

 

Cheers   

[[Ba...]]

I'm okayish.  I've struggled with a wave that seems to be subsiding.  Going to hold for a little longer and then I will start with a small cut again.

 

To answer you previous question, I got depressed due to exhaustion and grief after my mom died.  I have had times in my life where I have been down but I would not describe myself as a depressed person. 

 

Being on psychiatric medication and withdrawing from it has caused the most depression for me.  I have had times during this withdrawal where I have felt the depression lift, so I know ots connected to withdrawal and the side effects of Clonzapamn.

 

I still feel like I am under water most of the time and I'm deeply sad about what has happened to me but I'm hoping that I will feel better as I go lower. I'm hoping my body will rejoice in not being weighed down by this stuff.

 

How are you Barbara?

 

Hi Final Healing:

 

Thought I would introduce myself to this sub-forum via your comment. I understand your grief and loss of mother. Some years back, before my use of benzos this earlier this year, was diagnosed with a serious and on going health issue just a few months prior to my mothers passing. When dad passed we supported each other. I understand the gravity of your loss. Can still hear my mother's voice when I was in my thirties--you will be 60 before you know it.

 

I made a big drop last month and have had fair days (still uncomfortable) followed by not too pleasant days. It took great motivation to run a few necessary errands today (groceries). Feeling the waves as you stated. It's a lonely struggle and glad I can chat with others online.

 

Shall drop by this support group. It humbles me to think--I am well over 60 how did that happen!

 

In fact, as I type, recall my mother had restless leg syndrome and took 1 mg. K for years at bedtime. Never did she have issues with tolerance or interdose withdrawals. Amazing! 

 

Cheers

 

Hi Blue,

 

Thanks for your response.  Yes, the loss of my mom and the excessive caretaking I did, caused me to go on this medication path. 

 

I know there is no way but forward yet it is a hard path right now. 

 

Let's all keep supporting each other.

 

Indeed. I too was caretaker for a number of years. I sought comfort by "other means" after the loss. If I had benzos available would likely have used them--maybe just short period - hindsight. My relatively recent benzo use was a result of an age related medical issue that all men experience. The accompanying relentless insomnia lead me to benzos--after trying the Z and benzo based sleep medications. They made me feel anxious during the day and did not work even when upped the dose. I was very sleep deprived.

 

The irony is, and lingering irritation, is that I informed doc/nurse I do not want any drug with dependency as an effect.

 

Every single non-dependency sleeping aid was either refused by HMO. One very promising new drug that targeted melotonin receptors was over $1000.00 per 30 day supply. Insurance wanted $600.00 for 30 day supply. Don't get me started on insurance/healthcare profiteering.

 

And to think my first 30 day supply of 3 x .50 X was only $3.20 with insurance. Outrageous.

 

Yes--let us stay in contact. When alone this tapering takes--courage I suppose.

 

Cheers 

Blue, is that the drug Hetlioz by any chance??  I thought it was more than that, even.

 

[Guest [Bn...]]

I am only 51 but hope y'all don't care, I have denture's having trouble eating anything have lost a lot of weight.  I m in need of some soft food ideas that take little to No prep.  That can help my tummy.  Doing steel cut oats yogurt and smoothies, can tuna and eggs a little solid veggies as I can.  Something to introduce slowly?

 

B

[[Ul...]]

Heart blips and skips anyone? This last cut was a doozy. Throwing PVCs for days. Told they are benign, but, still, what an anxiety head trip. Anyone having the same?

 

Heck yeah, lots of blips and skips. I actually had it quite a bit off and on for years while on all the psych meds. Had it checked and found nothing. It all increased a lot since starting the taper. Closed to 5 years now. I just roll with it all. The power of a taper!

 

Keeping hanging in there.

 

Jeff

[[Fi...]]

I am only 51 but hope y'all don't care, I have denture's having trouble eating anything have lost a lot of weight.  I m in need of some soft food ideas that take little to No prep.  That can help my tummy.  Doing steel cut oats yogurt and smoothies, can tuna and eggs a little solid veggies as I can.  Something to introduce slowly?

 

B

 

All are welcome.

 

Can you eat sweet potatoes? Boil a bunch and then put olive oil on them.  Mash up some bannans in your oatmeal.  There are also brands of quick cooking brown rice that you could eat with soft boiled eggs. 

[Guest [Bn...]]

Thank you I have to get to store tomorrow.  I need a few things.  I have my regular stuff for today but this force feeding bus getting old.  I need more food intake. 

 

B

[[bl...]]

I'm okayish.  I've struggled with a wave that seems to be subsiding.  Going to hold for a little longer and then I will start with a small cut again.

 

To answer you previous question, I got depressed due to exhaustion and grief after my mom died.  I have had times in my life where I have been down but I would not describe myself as a depressed person. 

 

Being on psychiatric medication and withdrawing from it has caused the most depression for me.  I have had times during this withdrawal where I have felt the depression lift, so I know ots connected to withdrawal and the side effects of Clonzapamn.

 

I still feel like I am under water most of the time and I'm deeply sad about what has happened to me but I'm hoping that I will feel better as I go lower. I'm hoping my body will rejoice in not being weighed down by this stuff.

 

How are you Barbara?

 

Hi Final Healing:

 

Thought I would introduce myself to this sub-forum via your comment. I understand your grief and loss of mother. Some years back, before my use of benzos this earlier this year, was diagnosed with a serious and on going health issue just a few months prior to my mothers passing. When dad passed we supported each other. I understand the gravity of your loss. Can still hear my mother's voice when I was in my thirties--you will be 60 before you know it.

 

I made a big drop last month and have had fair days (still uncomfortable) followed by not too pleasant days. It took great motivation to run a few necessary errands today (groceries). Feeling the waves as you stated. It's a lonely struggle and glad I can chat with others online.

 

Shall drop by this support group. It humbles me to think--I am well over 60 how did that happen!

 

In fact, as I type, recall my mother had restless leg syndrome and took 1 mg. K for years at bedtime. Never did she have issues with tolerance or interdose withdrawals. Amazing! 

 

Cheers

 

Hi Blue,

 

Thanks for your response.  Yes, the loss of my mom and the excessive caretaking I did, caused me to go on this medication path. 

 

I know there is no way but forward yet it is a hard path right now. 

 

Let's all keep supporting each other.

 

Indeed. I too was caretaker for a number of years. I sought comfort by "other means" after the loss. If I had benzos available would likely have used them--maybe just short period - hindsight. My relatively recent benzo use was a result of an age related medical issue that all men experience. The accompanying relentless insomnia lead me to benzos--after trying the Z and benzo based sleep medications. They made me feel anxious during the day and did not work even when upped the dose. I was very sleep deprived.

 

The irony is, and lingering irritation, is that I informed doc/nurse I do not want any drug with dependency as an effect.

 

Every single non-dependency sleeping aid was either refused by HMO. One very promising new drug that targeted melotonin receptors was over $1000.00 per 30 day supply. Insurance wanted $600.00 for 30 day supply. Don't get me started on insurance/healthcare profiteering.

 

And to think my first 30 day supply of 3 x .50 X was only $3.20 with insurance. Outrageous.

 

Yes--let us stay in contact. When alone this tapering takes--courage I suppose.

 

Cheers 

Blue, is that the drug Hetlioz by any chance??  I thought it was more than that, even.

 

Yes, that is the one.

 

And you are correct it is much higher in price. I didn't recall the exact price so low balled it. Yep---according to google = "$60,000 per year or more." 

 

Unconscionable pricing.

 

Cheers

[[bl...]]

Thank you I have to get to store tomorrow.  I need a few things.  I have my regular stuff for today but this force feeding bus getting old.  I need more food intake. 

 

B

 

Howdy Bnotafraid

 

Dig your avatar--do we ever need peace these days. In 1967--the 7th thru 9th graders wore black arm bands/peace signs to protest VN--we were all marched outside and given a lecture. A "big" in size and conservatism SW state. But, the beat went on.

 

You did a cold turkey on 15 mg. Brave and courageous.

 

How did the last drop go---"Given Valium 5mg on 10-11-19 last"

 

Nice to meet you.

 

Cheers

[Guest [Bn...]]

Doctor did it I didn't do it by choice.  Thanks I was a artist and painter but that's gone too.  Thank you for asking. Its been rough.  A little weepy today.😭

[[Fi...]]

Doctor did it I didn't do it by choice.  Thanks I was a artist and painter but that's gone too.  Thank you for asking. Its been rough.  A little weepy today.😭

 

I've too have been weepy all day. And it's been more than a little rough.  You are not alone. 

[[ea...]]

bnot, I had no idea you were an artist and a painter. Oh how much this miserable experience must feel for you.

Once you do heal, you will again be able to be an artist, just as how now I am able to be an RN nurse again. I had to fight a really bad withdrawal, just as you are. My healing was slow and tedious and I often thought I would never heal.

But I did, and so will you. 'Please don't give up. This benzo crap CAN be  fought back and won.

east (Annie)

[[or...]]

Bnot, about this:

 

I was a artist and painter but that's gone too.

 

That can come back!!! I'm a writer and I thought I'd lost my mind, my marbles and my creativity but it did all come back. I'm now publishing books again. So never say never. while I was waiting (ha) to recover, I wrote tiny things, just to remind myself what writing was all about. I wrote (I'm embarrassed to say) haikus. They are only 17 syllables. I figured I could handle that. And I wanted to keep in touch with language.

 

Is there anything you can paint or draw that is the artistly equivalent of haikus? Short. Small effort. Great satisfaction.

 

I'm rooting for you.

 

 

Katz

 

 

[Guest [Bn...]]

East--katz- am clear-headed just weepy.  Yes I am an artist, painter quilter.  I am very crafty.  I am painting now as we speak.  I painted yesterday too.  It's Shakey!  I can call my paintings the "benzo era"!  lol

 

[[or...]]

I am painting now as we speak.  I painted yesterday too.

 

Yay, Bnot!!! Good for you!!

 

 

Katz

[[Ba...]]

Blue, am interested in why you think that drug would help you...  do you know anyone on it or did dr. say anything?

 

You can go thru the company to get it if you give them your income information.  But it has not been tested much really so wonder i it is safe?  thx

[Guest [Bn...]]

Katz- East well I lived in Oregon up untill three years ago.  I sold my art from Grants Pass, Coos Bay, Portland, Beaverton.  Love Oregon and when I heal I m going back.  Yes I can paint just not as fine...it's like finger painting...lol. I am just distracting at this point.  Sad but true. 😭

 

 

[[bl...]]

Blue, am interested in why you think that drug would help you...  do you know anyone on it or did dr. say anything?

 

You can go thru the company to get it if you give them your income information.  But it has not been tested much really so wonder i it is safe?  thx

 

Well, I was trying to use a safer non-Z or benzo based drug. They were not helpful (caused day time anxiety/restlessness) and, paradoxically, lead to my use of X which began to backfire rather quickly--waking up after a few hours and day time withdrawals began to increase after a few months. One will do nearly anything for sleep. I immediately began backing off--see my sig. Had been a night owl for decades and worked 10 PM to 6 AM for many years. My thinking was it would be worth a try.

 

At the time, didn't think about going thru drug company. I was very sleep deprived. The old drug I used--trazadone was, in the end, more effective and safer.

 

No my doc didn't suggest it. He allowed me to explore options.

 

That's history for you!

 

Cheers

[[bl...]]

Doctor did it I didn't do it by choice.  Thanks I was a artist and painter but that's gone too.  Thank you for asking. Its been rough.  A little weepy today.😭

 

Understand. Have those days. Great you are painting could be your showcase of recovery. The shake may give the painting--character. I ge the shakes too.

 

Cheers

[[Fi...]]

Hi,

 

Just looking for some support again from those of you over 60 who have gotten of your meds and are doing all right.

 

As I stare into a new year, with more tapering ahead, I just want to know that there is more life to live after I am off. 

 

Any words of encouragement would be so appreciated. 

 

Thank you. 

 

Final Healing

[[Ul...]]

Hi,

 

Just looking for some support again from those of you over 60 who have gotten of your meds and are doing all right.

 

As I stare into a new year, with more tapering ahead, I just want to know that there is more life to live after I am off. 

 

Any words of encouragement would be so appreciated. 

 

Thank you. 

 

Final Healing

 

Man, I wish I was in a position to answer that question (that would mean that I'm off the med). BUT, our day will come, Final!! 2020 is a new beginning for you...a beginning of the end

 

Take care,

 

Jeff

[[Fi...]]

Hi,

 

Just looking for some support again from those of you over 60 who have gotten of your meds and are doing all right.

 

As I stare into a new year, with more tapering ahead, I just want to know that there is more life to live after I am off. 

 

Any words of encouragement would be so appreciated. 

 

Thank you. 

 

Final Healing

 

Man, I wish I was in a position to answer that question (that would mean that I'm off the med). BUT, our day will come, Final!! 2020 is a new beginning for you...a beginning of the end

 

Take care,

 

Jeff

 

 

Thank you Jeff.  I am planning on 2020 to be the year I get off.

I hope you are doing okay these days.  From what I have read, you are getting low I think?

[[Ul...]]

Hi,

 

Just looking for some support again from those of you over 60 who have gotten of your meds and are doing all right.

 

As I stare into a new year, with more tapering ahead, I just want to know that there is more life to live after I am off. 

 

Any words of encouragement would be so appreciated. 

 

Thank you. 

 

Final Healing

 

Man, I wish I was in a position to answer that question (that would mean that I'm off the med). BUT, our day will come, Final!! 2020 is a new beginning for you...a beginning of the end

 

Take care,

 

Jeff

 

 

Thank you Jeff.  I am planning on 2020 to be the year I get off.

I hope you are doing okay these days.  From what I have read, you are getting low I think?

 

Well, it's super low compared to the starting point I had of 6 mg+/day. I just hit .077 mg/day. I've been going so slow that it's almost embarrassing, but life stressors, as you know, made me do it. A huge trigger of my sx is jet noise. The military jet noise here in this town is totally off the charts. Absolutely unbelievable, not to mention rude and disrespectful by the military. Can't cut with that going on! Anyway, hoping that 2020 is significantly better for both of us

 

Jeff

[[Fi...]]

No need to be embarrassed Jeff,, I'm creeping along slowly myself. 

 

I'm sorry the noise is intruding on your peace of mind.  I hope things get easier over the next few weeks. 

[[ea...]]

I honestly feel that we older people do BETTER than younger ones. We have so much more experience with life's lesson, life's hurts, etc. This gives us an advantage. I know that as a young woman, I just did not have the skills to deal with something as awful as benzo wd. I went CT off them in 2012. I was 62 then. I still don't quite know how I found the strength to get through a really bad wd. But I did get through it. I healed, I finally learned how to fake it and in that process, became a far more positive person. Something I had NEVER been before.

Going through benzo wd taught me a lot and helped me even more. I don't regret it at all.

east

[[Fi...]]

I honestly feel that we older people do BETTER than younger ones. We have so much more experience with life's lesson, life's hurts, etc. This gives us an advantage. I know that as a young woman, I just did not have the skills to deal with something as awful as benzo wd. I went CT off them in 2012. I was 62 then. I still don't quite know how I found the strength to get through a really bad wd. But I did get through it. I healed, I finally learned how to fake it and in that process, became a far more positive person. Something I had NEVER been before.

Going through benzo wd taught me a lot and helped me even more. I don't regret it at all.

east

 

Thank you east. I know you had an ordeal and I really appreciate you posting your encouragement here.  I'm learning a lot too, just needed to hear hopeful words.