New 12-18 Month Buddy Group

[[so...]]

JKS,

 

This is what I feel like if I lay down in bed midday.  It scares the crap outta me so I jump up and pace around.  I don't get this at night, for some reason.  I think it has to do with higher than normal cortisol levels during the day that kick in BIG TIME if I try to relax.  Why that happens, I don't know.  It's like my body is saying, "You can either fight or flee, but no way are you gonna nap or I'll zap you."

 

Good times.  F*cking withdrawal b*stard.

 

One day we won't be like this.  We weren't before the drugs and we won't be when we're recovered.

 

Sofa

[[an...]]

can I join your thread? Just hit 13 1/2 months out. Lots of healing but lots of symptoms still here.

[[so...]]

Ang,

 

I started the thread and now I'm 27 months out.  I'm the one who doesn't belong.  Ha!  Not funny really.  Everyone is welcome!

 

Sofa

[[Ir...]]

can I join your thread? Just hit 13 1/2 months out. Lots of healing but lots of symptoms still here.

 

I have similar symptoms to yourself and also at 13 months of symptoms. How would you describe your vision issues and your dizziness?

[[Je...]]

I hope I can join. I was doing okay.  Kind of stuck and then I got hit with the worst terror/migraine/vertigo/muscle pain that left me trapped in bed. I live alone and had to finally ask my parents if I could stay with them as judgemental as they are because I couldn't drive. I could hardly walk. I am now able to move around a little at there house without falling down. I hope i can go home soon. I am so sad to feel this awful and feel judged. Its also hard to think to make choices. Has anyone gone through and survived this random wave? What did you do to keep going? Thanks.

[[Ju...]]

Hi Jenn13-

I am 16 months off today. Right around 1 year I was feeling way worse than I am now. It is still hard now but at 12-13 months off it was absolutely awful. Sorry you are having a hard time, at least your parents took you in even if not with the best attitude. What keeps me going is I have tried reinstating and other meds- none of it helped. I also have two kids who need me no matter what.

This thread has been quiet since the previous "generation" moved on. Maybe there are enough of us younger ones who have checked in now to get it going again? That would really help me I think.

Take care everyone,

JKS

[[Je...]]

I am glad to cheer you on. It is hard going. The meds just don't work for me too. And being sick sucks. It is good you have your kids to keep you motivated. I dont have that but I have to believe suffering like this has to have a positive outcome if I can hold on. I wonder if the previous group all got well? Do you know?

[[Ju...]]

Those that have checked in here recently say they are better than they were if not all the way better.

Keep the hope alive!

JKS

[[so...]]

Jenn and JKS,

 

You are doing great.  You can find many of us who "moved on" on the 18-30+ month thread.  Others have formed a FB group.  A few are healed and they are out living their lives.  Many of us are still in the trenches, but we are doing much better than we were at your timeframe off.  Please stay hopeful because all of this ends.  You will completely recover from feeling ill all the time.  The symptoms eventually diminish slowly and peter out.  You are off the drugs and you are healing every single day, especially on the days that feel the hardest.  It's your brain working overtime to fix this.

 

Never give up.  Never lose faith.  This has a happy ending.

 

Love,

 

Sofa

[[Ju...]]

Thanks sofa. I celebrated my 16 months with a night of burning skin. I have to remind myself that I am not keeping myself from sleeping, anyone would have trouble experiencing that pain.

Sigh.

JKS

[[Be...]]

I'm looking to be out living my life. So far, ain't happening. WTF is with all the muscle pain? Today was my bi-weekly breakdown. Something's wrong: I've had two of those this week. 

 

Bennie

[[Ju...]]

Sorry Bennie. All I can do is tell you I think it is withdrawal because I have it too. I keep trying new ways to describe it. Like I'm being beaten with a bag or rocks. Chewed on by a giant. Rolled in barbed wire.

[[Be...]]

JKS,

I keep blaming my bike fall of two years ago. Makes more sense, ya know? The beaten by a bag of rocks scenario fits as well. Really sorry you go through that plus the burning. I did slip coming in the door 6 weeks ago, and blame that too. It's just easier to think that way. My right arm feels like it was yanked out of its socket. I've been getting internal pelvic floor release treatments and subcontaneous shots of glucose near my nethers, and it has helped. But still there's the hip, groin and back pain. After seeing a new PT person my pain went berserk. I think I'll pass on that and just stick with what doesn't amp things. I was supposed to get an MRI tomorrow with a gadolinium injection in my hip, to see if I have a hip labrum tear. The PT gal says she doubts that, but the back doc wants me to have it. I've rescheduled for a few weeks out when I don't have my period. 

 

Sorry this is a dump. I rarely post and there's a backlog of angst.

 

Wish you and everyone else here deserved relief!

Bennie

[[so...]]

Buddies,

 

Here's a good video to watch if you need hope you will fully recover from this.  It was posted by Drew on the 18-30 month thread.

 

 

Sofa

[[Ki...]]

Thanks Sofa. 

 

Bennie and JKS - this is a mess. You'd think things would get better, but they don't. Not until we're healed. Until then, we buckle in and hang on. I want take my seatbelt off. Ugh.

 

I had a couple decent days this month (19) and then got slammed. I don't know if I'm virus sick or benzo sick, my guess is the latter. My cycle decided to start 38 days late so that is just icing on the shit cake 

 

This is just so hard.

[[Je...]]

Thanks for the video post. I am hanging on to hope that I get there. At 14 months I am so overwhelmed that I got worse at month 13. I can't be by myself or alone. I am so nervous and juttery. I think I am wearing out my welcome. Losing friends snd family. On the brink of losing my home. God I wish I coud work. I hate this so much! Watching everything fall apart in front of my eyes is crazy! Totally helpless feeling! I hope you guys are doing better.

[[Ki...]]

Jenn - you're doing the best you can. We all are. We are all warriors. I'm sorry you've gotten worse too, but it will get better again....it always does. We just have to hang on until it happens.

[[so...]]

Jenn,

 

I know it feels like you are just sitting and waiting and watching your life fall apart around you.  Your life is not falling apart.  It's your brain chemicals telling you that it is.  During this process we only seem to attach to the negative thoughts and emotions.  The calming gaba receptors just aren't working and the excitatory glutamate neurotransmitters are running wild, unable to "partner" with the calming gaba until the receptors upregulate.

 

Just try to keep in mind that this is all a chemical imbalance.  We often wonder why the hell is this taking so long.  I was only on Ativan for 2.5 months low dose sporadically taken.  It's been 28 months and I'm still not completely healed.  It takes a long time to rebalance.  The train came off the rails.  We need to rebuild the train and the tracks and start everything in motion again.

 

Sofa

[[Ju...]]

I liked the video- one of the actual gifts of benzo withdrawal is making connections to people that on the surface I have nothing in common with. If I met that guy now with his tats and piercings I would want to give him a big hug.

 

Huge hug to bennie- its ok to rant. This sucks. I recently went back to the maybe its my thyroid question but decided again that it isnt. It is very hard to have nothing to do to make it better.

 

Huge hug to kiddo- walking through the darkness holding hands

 

Huge hug to sofa- thanks for hanging out with us and telling us we are going to be ok

 

Huge hug to Jenn- although I dont "know" you yet.  13 months seriously almost did me in. If now continues, this I can tolerate. Hold on.

 

JKS

[[Je...]]

Thanks so much! I look foreard to the day when we are all well. I wish all the doctors who presecribed got to experience this for a while. Nothing like our lives cut off. Thanks for your encouragement! I am praying for you too. [move][/move]

Jenn - you're doing the best you can. We all are. We are all warriors. I'm sorry you've gotten worse too, but it will get better again....it always does. We just have to hang on until it happens.

[[Je...]]

How long have you been off? I am now 14 months. I cnat figure out how to update the tracker. Lol. I am slightly better than 13 months. I pray by some miracle i can drive soon so i can be back in my house. So hard staying with family as they dont get it.  I hope you are doing much better! Thanks for the hug and I send one back

I liked the video- one of the actual gifts of benzo withdrawal is making connections to people that on the surface I have nothing in common with. If I met that guy now with his tats and piercings I would want to give him a big hug.

 

Huge hug to bennie- its ok to rant. This sucks. I recently went back to the maybe its my thyroid question but decided again that it isnt. It is very hard to have nothing to do to make it better.

 

Huge hug to kiddo- walking through the darkness holding hands

 

Huge hug to sofa- thanks for hanging out with us and telling us we are going to be ok

 

Huge hug to Jenn- although I dont "know" you yet.  13 months seriously almost did me in. If now continues, this I can tolerate. Hold on.

 

JKS

[[Je...]]

Thanks Sofa! I am hanging on for the train to work again. I hope it is soon for us all. I am sorry you got sick from such a short time. I took for 18 years. I hope it doesnt take me 18 years to heal. Ahhhh!

Jenn,

 

I know it feels like you are just sitting and waiting and watching your life fall apart around you.  Your life is not falling apart.  It's your brain chemicals telling you that it is.  During this process we only seem to attach to the negative thoughts and emotions.  The calming gaba receptors just aren't working and the excitatory glutamate neurotransmitters are running wild, unable to "partner" with the calming gaba until the receptors upregulate.

 

Just try to keep in mind that this is all a chemical imbalance.  We often wonder why the hell is this taking so long.  I was only on Ativan for 2.5 months low dose sporadically taken.  It's been 28 months and I'm still not completely healed.  It takes a long time to rebalance.  The train came off the rails.  We need to rebuild the train and the tracks and start everything in motion again.

 

Sofa

[[Ju...]]

It won't take 18 years to heal. I'm 16 months off.

[[ho...]]

Hi guys!

Just realized that I am 17months off....WOW!

17 long hard fought months!  Its kinda strange just seeing it in writing.

 

Sofa ...you seem so together...are you amazed at your progress??

[[so...]]

Hope,

 

My progress has been very slow.  I will be amazed when it's over.

 

Sofa