New 12-18 Month Buddy Group

[[do...]]

Thank you Dowdaller and welcome to the forum.

 

14 months was still a very rough period for me, so everything you are experiencing is normal for withdrawal.  Things start decreasing and disappearing as your system balances more evenly.  You will continue to feel better overal, even though you will have your doubts due to the non-linear nature of healing.

 

Keep putting one pacing foot in front of the other.

 

Sofa

Thanks for the advice sofa , thats what I am trying to do, its not easy but it will be worth it in the long run, no shortcuts in this game is what I have learned.

[[Ju...]]

Looks like no one has been here for a while and it is xmas so probably no one here today.

I'm so lonely.

I'm so tired.

I've been sinking ever since ten months off and now am 13-14 months off.

Lack of sleep is making it hard to take care of my kids.

I tell myself: it is physiological, sleep is something that comes when my brain is ready, it isnt something I have to make happen.

I'm just so tired.

Last night my husband told me it is really hard for him to have me be such a downer. I didnt even know what to say.

I guess everybody does this but somehow I am the only one who cant be brave and deal with it.

I'm scared.

I dont have the energy to investigate supplements, hormones, thyroid.

Please tell me it is ok, it will be ok.

 

[[Ju...]]

I realize that wasnt much of an introduction post. Had to get that off my chest I suppose. I became a moderator at about 6 months off when I thought I was getting better and now I'm so not better. I'm reading your old posts and taking strength from them. Thank you.

JKS

[[Ki...]]

 

I guess everybody does this but somehow I am the only one who cant be brave and deal with it.

 

 

How are you not brave? That's what I'd like to know. You get up every day and parent your children under spectacular duress...and then you go to bed and don't sleep. Then you 'get up' and do it over again. You are fighting a huge battle and have never given up (despite the overwhelming urge to do just that). Isn't that the very definition of bravery?

 

Listen, I'm with you. I feel absolutely horrendous and am doubting everything. But this has nothing to do with "us"...we aren't doing anything wrong, we aren't trying to be sick, we aren't making mistakes. We are living through an awful experience and trying to do it with a little bit of grace. Sometimes we're successful at pretending, other times, not so much.

 

Although I know that other people can't understand this, it still irks me when friends/family/spouses say hurtful things. I'm sorry your husband said that to you. I'm sure that hurt. A lot. And I'm sorry. You are doing the best you can. Cut yourself slack, friend 

[[Ju...]]

I'm so sorry you are hurting too kiddo. I wish I could fix it for both of us. I worry so much that there is some thing that I am doing wrong that is wrecking my sleep but I cant even try things without getting more confused. I did three days of inositol a few weeks ago and the first two nights were good then the third bad. I figure if it isnt working all the time then it isnt working at all and it is just the underlying randomness coming through.

JKS

[[so...]]

JKS,

 

You are going to be okay.  Better than just okay.  At your timeframe off, I was having a very hard time.  It wasn't until about 16 months off that I started to get small breaks between the 24/7 symptoms.

 

This is temporary and you have to treat this as if you were in the hospital recovering from a grave illness, except you are at home with your family trying to push yourself to do everyday life things.  That's what I kept telling myself.  I'm recovering, but I'm not laying around in a hospital bed.  I have my family around me visiting and calling.  I take care of my sweet Pug and myself, driving to the store for food, paying bills, doing housework.  But I am in recovery.  That's all it is.

 

It IS difficult for family members to understand this because we aren't in a hospital bed hooked up to IV tubes, but we might as well be.  We would get more sympathy from them if we were because we would look sick on the outside and be in a clinical environment of illness and recovery.  Just keep in mind that you are in a healing mode and this is what it feels like.  Do what you can to pace yourself and try not to overextend beyond what you are able to do.  Your nervous system is in a hyperactive state.  You feel everything that's going on inside your body, as a result.  Everything will continue to come into balance slowly over time.

 

You are not getting worse, you are getting better.  The non-linear nature of this healing tricks us into thinking we are not improving.  This is simply not true.  We are healing every day, no matter how rough it feels.

 

Hang in there.

 

Love, Sofa

[[Ju...]]

Thanks so much sofa. I oscillate between trying to pretend everything is ok and needing to be here for support. Noone else can come close to understanding how cruel and horrible this is. I will try to think that I am recovering and take it easy. We have friends coming over today who have two sons (chaos!), needless to say my husband invited them- I'm not the social organizer any more. Maybe I should say I have a migraine and stay in the bath the whole time!

JKS

[[eg...]]

Thanks so much sofa. I oscillate between trying to pretend everything is ok and needing to be here for support. Noone else can come close to understanding how cruel and horrible this is. I will try to think that I am recovering and take it easy. We have friends coming over today who have two sons (chaos!), needless to say my husband invited them- I'm not the social organizer any more. Maybe I should say I have a migraine and stay in the bath the whole time!

JKS

[[Ju...]]

Hi ego trapped!!!! I had no idea you were still around. I thought you wrote your success story and left. How are you?

JKS

[[co...]]

Hi jks. I haven't looked at this thread in ages. You know why? Because I got WAY better. I was doing pretty good at month 7, thought I was almost healed and then right at one year off, on Christmas day no less, I fell into a horrible wave that made me bedridden and lasted almost 4 months. I was at the depth of despair and came to this thread often for support. And then I just started getting better. I'm at 2 yrs off and doing really well, probably 80% healed. Don't despair, you'll be getting better soon. Let your husband read some of the posts on this thread and just realize that this is hurting him too because he loves you. If he didn't care about you he wouldn't care if you're down, right? Find small ways to be cheerful by drawing on the hope that this thread being empty gives you. It means you're at a stage where real healing is close.

[[Ju...]]

I like that perspective confused1, thank you! It is so hard to comprehend this much sickness after this long. I am ready to turn that next (final?) corner. Maybe some others who are now at this stage will join me and kiddo. It is nice to have sofa and confused shining a light back for us to follow.

[[Er...]]

Hello all! I hit my one year mark today! Anyone still have muscle issues at 1 year? I have muscle twitches as my main symptom still and they seem the same as they were in month 8. A lot of other issues have diminished quite a bit. Good luck all!

[[Ju...]]

Glad to hear you are feeling better Eric. I feel like the muscle pain is worse now than it was in the beginning. I have a lot of pain in my lower back and neck/shoulders. In a weird way I like it though- keeps me believing that this is withdrawal whereas the lack of sleep makes me think I am crazy!

JKS

[[Be...]]

Hi JKS,

 

I'm swimming with you! The nerve and muscle pain is ridiculous. In my groin, hip thighs and legs. And for the first time since acute, burning feet and buttocks. I'm trying to figure what I ate or did or what  has brought this on.

 

I'm going to try Japanese acupuncture in about a week. And LDN. I have the rx by my bed but have held off for various reasons. One of which is being afraid to go back into withdrawal hell, as if this is a lot better; it's just different. No, it is different; it torments. I do have a clear mind, knock on wood for that. I'm waiting for the turn around!

 

Bennie

[[Ju...]]

Hi Bennie,

So nice to see you here. Last night as I lay awake I started wondering again if I was awake through some fault of my thoughts and then I acknowledged that it actually isnt normal to feel like your skin is on fire and lightning is striking your brain. Those things would probably keep a person awake.

I'm impressed you still have the energy to try new things, everything you are trying sounds like at least it should help with the symptoms if not the underlying cause of our shrunken receptors. I'm just trying to stay away from sugar (and of course alcohol/caffeine- havent touched those in 6+ years).

Take care everyone,

JKS

[[Ju...]]

I hate this so much. Some nights I am ok, most nights it goes like this:

I go to bed at 10 calm and relaxed. Within minutes of turning out the light I feel an electric current throughout my body. I do breathing exercises and remind myself that sometimes I feel this and still sleep. After half an hour the current is now a burning sensation.  After an hour it feels like my arms and legs are being boiled in oil. At some time around 12 or 1 pm I pass out only to wake at 3 feeling as if I've been beaten with a bag of rocks, like my body is being crushed. I then have waves of nausea and burning for the rest of the night, sometimes another half hour of sleep. Is this really recovery? Does it really get better when it hasn't shown any sign of improvement (total random) for 14 months??

JKS

[[Ki...]]

I hate it too.

 

I'm sorry you still aren't sleeping. I'm not going to placate you....I'm just going to say "I hear you". I'm in the same boat with symptoms just raging and changing. It ridiculous and I've had enough. Thinking of you 

[[Be...]]

I hear you, JKS.  :'(

 

I'm in a beaten by a bag of rocks phase, topped off with shooting nerve pain. How is it that the twinge in my chest wall is directly connected to my lower left back? Best thing I've done all day—lay on the floor in the "constructive relaxation pose" to stretch my iliopsoas muscles. I actively and mindfully did nothing for a half hour and felt better for 45 minutes. But sleeping....you might as well PM me at 3 AM. Chances are I'll be awakened then too.

 

 

Bennie

[[Ju...]]

Love you two ladies. I'm having a hard time coping with accepting that I have to keep doing this. But if you do then I guess I will too. I took the girls to swimming this afternoon and tripped over a bench and hurt my leg. Pretending I am ok only goes so far.

[[Be...]]

Love you two ladies. I'm having a hard time coping with accepting that I have to keep doing this. But if you do then I guess I will too. I took the girls to swimming this afternoon and tripped over a bench and hurt my leg. Pretending I am ok only goes so far.

 

Oh dear! Crawling into a closet for a good cry would be totally acceptable. Bring an ice pack. I did something similar last week, slipping coming in the front door. No, pretending will only take you so far. Rest.

[[gr...]]

Hello all! I hit my one year mark today! Anyone still have muscle issues at 1 year? I have muscle twitches as my main symptom still and they seem the same as they were in month 8. A lot of other issues have diminished quite a bit. Good luck all!

 

+1

[[Ir...]]

I've only discovered this page at my 18th month.

 

I guess I better bypass quickly to the 18 - 30 month group.... sigh... 

[[Ir...]]

Anyone with a rocking/swaying/boat sensation for this amount of time still? It's my main symptom.

[[sl...]]

Jks,

 

If I sleep, I'm sleeping like you.  I rarely sleep past 3am due to the f&$g jerks!  i didnt sleep at all last night.  I have so much going on with my body right now, my lid is ready to blow off.  How are these drugs legal??!!

[[ho...]]

Morning all!

 

Im at 15months off and feel I'm almost healed most of the time. However, I am certain that I still have some lingering symptoms remaining. I guess sleep is the main tthing....still....its difficult wrapping my brain around the fact I did this much damage to myself. Acceptance right!!?? I've been reading about a certain condition called PAWS- Post Acute Withdrawal Symptom. Anyone else have insight on this one? I feel it describes the mess we are all in quite well. And although the understanding of this is beneficial to us all I am not sure it makes things any easier.

 

Any thoughts about the matter are much appreciated.

 

Peace&Love

Hope &Faith