New 12-18 Month Buddy Group

[[Be...]]

Huge hug to you too, JKS, and Everyone here. I think we need it! 

 

I know so many people probably do a lot more than me, but I feel like I accomplish something notable when I can get the toilet cleaned. Bending and kneeling are not my forte, and with a bum right shoulder, I'm learning left arm skills. I used to help seniors with their gardening, now I need help. its so odd that I can gently push through some activities but its when I stop that it feels like my hips are burning. If I lay still long enough it settles down. If I lay too long, I ache again, and movement helps. Rinse, repeat.

 

Sofa, I will be amazed too, when this all goes away.

 

Bennie

[[Ir...]]

Does anyone get or know anybody that gets dizzy on the toilet and even for a while after the toilet? Strange question, but its something i'm worried about and i've yet to see anyone with this symptom.

[[al...]]

Does anyone get or know anybody that gets dizzy on the toilet and even for a while after the toilet? Strange question, but its something i'm worried about and i've yet to see anyone with this symptom.

 

Google "vasovagal syncope"

[[Ir...]]

Does anyone get or know anybody that gets dizzy on the toilet and even for a while after the toilet? Strange question, but its something i'm worried about and i've yet to see anyone with this symptom.

 

Google "vasovagal syncope"

 

Is this a SSRI/Benzo symptom as well?

[[al...]]

Does anyone get or know anybody that gets dizzy on the toilet and even for a while after the toilet? Strange question, but its something i'm worried about and i've yet to see anyone with this symptom.

 

Google "vasovagal syncope"

 

Is this a SSRI/Benzo symptom as well?

 

 

 

It may or not be. Withdrawal symptoms are so varied that I think that we have a tendency to think that any new thing is due to withdrawal, but it may just be caused by something else. Once my wife had a bad case of food poisoning and was pretty dehydrated. While on the toilet see fainted and hit her head on the counter on her way down and knocked herself out. That was probably due to a vagal response from the sudden expelling of more fluids. Vasovagal syncope can make you dizzy and lightheaded and can occur while on the toilet.

[[Ir...]]

Does anyone get or know anybody that gets dizzy on the toilet and even for a while after the toilet? Strange question, but its something i'm worried about and i've yet to see anyone with this symptom.

 

Google "vasovagal syncope"

 

This wouldn't be new. It came along the first day with the rest of my symptoms unfortunately. If I push on the toilet my boatiness/swaying/rocking gets so much worse and I feel like I'm walking on trampolines. I struggle to find anyone experiencing this so far :/

Is this a SSRI/Benzo symptom as well?

 

 

 

It may or not be. Withdrawal symptoms are so varied that I think that we have a tendency to think that any new thing is due to withdrawal, but it may just be caused by something else. Once my wife had a bad case of food poisoning and was pretty dehydrated. While on the toilet see fainted and hit her head on the counter on her way down and knocked herself out. That was probably due to a vagal response from the sudden expelling of more fluids. Vasovagal syncope can make you dizzy and lightheaded and can occur while on the toilet.

[[Be...]]

I can sometimes feel dizzy-ish prior to relieving myself. Not often, not like when I was tapering, but it happens occasionally. I've learned: DO NOT PUSH. Relax as much as possible. Raise your feet up while sitting. I have a towel-covered plastic shoe box to rest my feet on. It's a more natural position. You might try it. Also, slow belly breathing while you are sitting on the pot. Preparing "to go" may help too: belly massage is calming. All these things are not cure-alls, but you can't go wrong trying to relax.

 

Bennie

[[Ju...]]

Even after all this time I find it unbelievable how much I rocket up and down from one day/night to the next. Completely destroyed yesterday- functional again today. It wears a person out, to put it mildly.

[[Be...]]

Even after all this time I find it unbelievable how much I rocket up and down from one day/night to the next. Completely destroyed yesterday- functional again today. It wears a person out, to put it mildly.

 

It's perplexing. Beyond frustrating. I've earned the right to my meltdowns.

 

The muscoleskeletal pain is crazy. I had a GYN appointment yesterday, and laying on the table at slight tilt, was like being harpooned in the hip.

 

I have good intention to plant seeds and tend my vegetable gardens. I can do the first part, yet barely have what it takes to keep it going. I'll die trying.

 

 

[[Ju...]]

Bennie can you please come do my garden next? We have two sad empty raised beds that need some love.

[[Ch...]]

Hi Sofa,

 

I'm new to this group. I'm almost 13 months med free from a terrible taper(pretty much CT'd). I feel kind of "stuck" right now and and haven't seen any improvements in the last 4 or 5 months. I'm nervous that this is a good as it's going to get. Also, I've had no windows where I felt completely normal or back to myself. This also scares me because shouldn't I be getting windows by now with no symptoms?

 

These are my current symptoms:

 

- Brain Fog

- Terrible Fatigue

- Muscle Pain

- Burning Skin

- Blurry Vision

- Eye Floaters

- Cracking/Popping of joints all over

-Body Stiffness

 

I feel like I'm different from everyone else when I hear about windows(no symptoms) and waves. I have times where my symptoms are less intense but they are always there. 

[[so...]]

Chicago,

 

I never get windows.  Some people don't.  My symptoms dampen down in the late afternoon/evening.  That's all I get.  What you're feeling is completely normal.  Many people don't get windows.  My symptoms didn't even start breaking up until I was 18 months off.  I did have a few symptoms leave before that point though.  We are all unique in our healing patterns.  I felt stuck for many months.  Still do sometimes.  Just keep in mind that changes are so subtle you barely notice improvements.  You are healing every day, in spite of how stuck you feel.  Your internal healing progresses forward constantly.  One day you just kind of realize, hey, I don't have X anymore.

 

Sofa

[[Ch...]]

Thanks Sofa! It makes me feel better to know that some people don't get windows, but we are still healing. Lucky us!  I think I need to print out your last post and keep reading it when I don't believe I'm ever going to get better. I just thought by now I would have felt more recovered or at least "a break" from symptoms for a little while. It's so hard when it's everyday all day.

[[so...]]

Chicago,

 

You're in your first year.  Keep reminding yourself how early in the process you are.  Every little bit of improvement is a huge step forward in recovery.  Most people do not feel any better in the first year or year and a half.  This is non-linear healing.  After about 18 months, some people start getting better in a few areas that were previously relentless.  Others find that two or three symptoms complete drop off every couple of months.  The "big guns" that are the mainstay symptoms seem to hang around longer than the less bothersome ones.  We all have our mainstays and they're unique to each of us.  The mainstays are the ones that really make us feel stuck in this hell.  You'll be okay.  Everything leaves eventually, even the stubborn mofos.

 

Sofa

[[Ch...]]

I cringe when I hear I'm in the early stage of this process because I literally already feel like it's been 20 years that I've gone through this. I know you understand what I mean. I feel terrible for the people that have gone through this for years and years. I'm hoping they all would say that the first 18 months were the worst because I don't think I can handle this if it gets any worse.

[[Ju...]]

Hi Chicago,

Were you taking a benzo or only lexapro? I can't tell by your signature. I was on and off lexapro three times over the years. For me the withdrawal was a lot more psychologically intense but shorter than benzo withdrawal.

Take care,

JKS

[[Ch...]]

Hi JKS,

 

Thanks for your reply!    I was only on Lexapro, but was on it for 15 years.    The reason I joined the Benzo forum is because I feel like I relate a lot more to the symptoms as far as nerve and muscle pain, burning skin, etc. The first 7 months of WD I felt like my left arm was being electrocuted non-stop. For me the psychological symptoms(irrational fear, crying spells, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts, paranoia, ruminating thoughts) have actually improved a ton in the first 8 months. It's the physical ones that I struggle with a lot, which makes me think I'm going to be stuck like this. The main symptoms I have are Fibro symptoms such as:

 

- all over body pain

- burning skin

- blurry vision

- sensitivity to light and sounds

- brain fog(so hard for me to focus or concentrate)

- Terrible fatigue(ALWAYS exhausted)

 

I feel like I've seen no improvements in the last 5 months which is really scaring me!

 

[[so...]]

Chicago,

 

It won't get worse.  It gets better all the time.  What I was saying is sometimes it's hard to attach to the improvements you are making.  This process gets easier with time.  Try not to do the what if thing with timelines.  You could be done with this tomorrow.  It happens all the time.

 

Sofa

[[Ch...]]

I'll try my hardest Sofa! I think if I could get rid of just one more symptom, I would believe I really am on my way. I always fantasize that if I had a "Genie in a bottle" and I was able to have one wish of having a symptom disappear, what would that symptom be? LOL  I go back and forth between the burning skin and chronic fatigue.

[[Je...]]

I am almost 15 months off and can't function on my own for the last month. I am so down. Now my female monthly cycle is throwing me for a loop. Hormones, dizzy, balance is off, vision is a mess, so weak and shaky.  I just dont know and on top of it, my folks who have let me stay here this last month keep reminding me that I am 40 and need to get home. I had a 15 year career as a teacher. I am not able to work right now. I feel like i am spiraling down after fighting ao hard to improve. So overwhelmed. Thanks for listening.

[[so...]]

Jenn,

 

It's really hard for loved ones to understand what is happening to us if they've never walked this recovery journey.  On the outside, they see nothing wrong with us.  They then expect us to behave like we look...fine.  They also can do nothing to help us, which is very hard for parents.  They are so used to "fixing" things for us to make us well and happy.

 

The only thing you can really do is tell them you understand they don't understand.  Ask them for a bit more time and patience to see you through this.  Tell them that, as soon as you feel well enough to care for yourself, you will set out on your own, like you've lived before.  Remind them that you used to live independently and productively for many years and now you need their help to get through this period in your life that was brought on by dangerous pills you should never have been prescribed to take.  Inform them that, just like the dangerous opiate awareness, benzos and antidepressants are now on the radar of all the medical boards world-wide.  They are next on the agenda to be limited or banned and the doctors who choose to ignore their boards' mandates will lose their licenses.  This is serious business that most people don't know about.  There is a groundswell of awareness going on that is in its early stages.  You are just one victim.  There are millions of us.

 

All you need from them is more time and patience.  If they cannot give that to you, guess what?  You will be fine.  I live alone with my pug, Opie.  I take care of our needs.  If it's necessary for you to go this alone, you'll be okay just like I am.

 

Sofa

[[Ch...]]

Sofa is right Jenn! You aren't alone! I'm 39 years old and live alone as well. There were soooooo many times I thought I was going to have to move back home with my mom. Heck, I may still have to if I don't improve or get worse. We all understand what you are going through. 

[[Be...]]

Bennie can you please come do my garden next? We have two sad empty raised beds that need some love.

 

I would love to do your garden.  Could we raise it off the ground three feet? That'd be great, because my gosh, I'm prematurely geriatric.

 

Bennie

[[Ju...]]

Hugs Bennie. I don't have words today. Feeling lonely and invisible.

JKS

[[Ch...]]

Does anyone ever feel like they ran a marathon with all the body soreness and fatigue, but in reality barely moved out of bed? 

 

My brain feels like mush and my body feels like I'm 100 years old.