[Mi...] Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Marj, I know exactly what you are saying I will pray for you that you can have a window on Thursday! I was in a very bad wave the past 10 days! MUCH THANKS TO EVERYONE HERE THAT HELPED ME THROUGH IT :smitten: Then today I woke up and felt a 100 lbs lighter! This is absolutely Craziness! I by no means am healed! But feel hopeful again! Just as I did 10 days ago! I am in the state now that I call calmer grounded me! Still healing but my 75% baseline I have been weaving in and out of! This last 10 days I seriously could not function! Was uneasy leaving the house thought for sure I was dying due to my stomach! Had 3 major panic attacks ect.... But, I buckled up and rode it out! Now today I am cleaning the house, walking the dog, lunch with my daughter at her school, and ran a ton of earns! Not without a little difficulty but very manageable! I know everyone can not do this and we are by no means wealthy but we are blessed that my husband has a job that can support our family of four! After my acute phase I quit my job at the kiddos school, I was just a helper/ teachers assistant so not huge income but extra! I had to make a NO PLANS, PLAN! As someone on here has called it! I just had such a difficult time keeping it together at home let alone thinking of stepping out of the door FORGET IT! So, my 75% baseline is on a NO PLANS PLAN! I honestly don't know if I would be able to hold it at 75% without this plan???... The stress of plans ect often push me back a bit! I think this is because as we all know, YOU NEVER KNOW when the next wave is going to come crashing! Thank you Again to all who have helped me throughout the past 10 days Don't lose hope Marj, your day may come tomorrow! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Gr...] Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 hi All I need to take a little time off. Lately I've found myself comparing, found myself putting a timeline on healing, and it's just not helpful, it's really so counterproductive for me. I had a tough six weeks. Last few days I started getting sunbreaks, as Coop calls them. This time coming close to the two year mark is proving tense, a little stressful. I think I had the expectation I would be ready to roll. and that totally doesn't work in withdrawal, no timelines, no dates certain, it happens when it happens. so i'm out there, trying not to lurk. I'll drop in when I'm ready. feel better, everyone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[dr...] Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Jen-fantastical news Green-see you on the other side. We all get it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[...] Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Sasq, Drew and Jen thanks for being there, it means so much. It just goes to show how much reassurance we need and I have BTP, sometimes I feel guilty for whining to you guys when I have them and you have no support like that. You are special people. Sasq, you are right and I'm so grateful you shared that with me. I know I put pressure on myself and it just makes things worse and the frustration is overwhelming. Drew, I know, yes it will pass. My brain has just had enough and I've had to push it recently at work. Jen, I'm so pleased you are seeing light. That waking up and feeling lighter is well deserved and I look forward to being there. This is so tough for all of us and when we are trying to bring up our kids too it is just wrong. Yes the no plans plan is a good approach when you can. I made plans this last weekend to go to Uni with my daughter and although I'm glad I went it did me in and wasn't pleasant (for me). It was just like Sasq described, ugh Feel better Green, it's the pressure thing with you too and the expectations. Not good in WD but we are ALL guilty of it, especially me. Be kind to yourself. We will all be winners of this marathon eventually soon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[dr...] Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 yup marj...pushing ourselves we almost always pay. While I am not in a full blown wave I am symptomatic. I had to appear "mostly" normal during the week my father in law was hear. dinners out, no Drew time alone, hikes, etc....feeling it now although not unexpected. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[...] Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 It's in the bag now though, be proud of yourself and recover. Thank goodness you weren't in a humongous wave that week. My own Mother came for dinner recently and I had a panic attack!! I know we feel it with every difficult spell but this is the most intense wave as in no relief. Having to 'appear' normal is wearing thin for me at present. No choice though have we? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Te...] Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Hi everyone....just saying Hi....I'm struggling....having terrible muscle tightness today...in chest or stomach ...not for sure which one....back spasms....teeth pain......just trying to talk self positive things but not working great....so much pain.....wish Ian was in US....I need a pep talk.....do some people not heal? I'm worse then at this time last year.....hoping tomorrow will be better.... Hugs! TM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Wi...] Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Wow a lot of activity here in a fairly short time. Glad to have found this thread. I'm dealing mostly with early morning despair and mood swings that seem to revolve around stress and fear. Very tired of this and not especially hopeful. I do have good as well as bad, so it could be worse. I'm also learning what parts of me are clearly, to me, parts of having been on benzos for many years and the other parts of me that are simply dysfunctional and a part of my distress and not the result of w/d. Combined, these both make my life very difficult. I just know it takes very little to set off the angst/anxiety/fear/guilt. Trying to live a decent life with a hair trigger takes a lot of effort. Thanks for starting this thread. Glad to have a place, at least for the next four months until I "graduate" once again. Sad and glad I'm not alone in this... WWWI Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[be...] Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 hi All I need to take a little time off. Lately I've found myself comparing, found myself putting a timeline on healing, and it's just not helpful, it's really so counterproductive for me. I had a tough six weeks. Last few days I started getting sunbreaks, as Coop calls them. This time coming close to the two year mark is proving tense, a little stressful. I think I had the expectation I would be ready to roll. and that totally doesn't work in withdrawal, no timelines, no dates certain, it happens when it happens. so i'm out there, trying not to lurk. I'll drop in when I'm ready. feel better, everyone Green, take all the time you need. I what what you mean, my expectations of the two year off mark was a let down. Now, I'm always.most finished with month 26 and feeling better than month 24, I didn't even realize I was in month 26 till I read your post..it triggered me to counting..I guess that's a good thing. Sometimes we just need a break from here to get our thoughts together and see where we're going...next stop ..more healing. Hope the sunbreaks continue for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[be...] Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Hi everyone....just saying Hi....I'm struggling....having terrible muscle tightness today...in chest or stomach ...not for sure which one....back spasms....teeth pain......just trying to talk self positive things but not working great....so much pain.....wish Ian was in US....I need a pep talk.....do some people not heal? I'm worse then at this time last year.....hoping tomorrow will be better.... Hugs! TM TM, year two is hard in so many ways, sometimes feeling like we are getting worse or going backwards. I think when some of the smaller symptoms start getting better or dropping off the larger ones feel more pronounced...leaving us feeling like we are getting worse...but we're not. A lot of up and down with waves thrown in to make us feel miserable. Everyone Heals...some might take longer ...but we all go on to heal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Te...] Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Thanks Beulah for the comfort words......I'm struggling......this is so hard....so much pain....it wears on one .....scary stuff.... GreenIce ......take care....... Hugs! TM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[be...] Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Wow a lot of activity here in a fairly short time. Glad to have found this thread. I'm dealing mostly with early morning despair and mood swings that seem to revolve around stress and fear. Very tired of this and not especially hopeful. I do have good as well as bad, so it could be worse. I'm also learning what parts of me are clearly, to me, parts of having been on benzos for many years and the other parts of me that are simply dysfunctional and a part of my distress and not the result of w/d. Combined, these both make my life very difficult. I just know it takes very little to set off the angst/anxiety/fear/guilt. Trying to live a decent life with a hair trigger takes a lot of effort. Thanks for starting this thread. Glad to have a place, at least for the next four months until I "graduate" once again. Sad and glad I'm not alone in this... WWWI Yep, the mornings are still nipping at my ankles. I keep telling myself it's the high cortisol...I think it is in my case..by afternoon and late evenings especially..I start feeling better. I hate slogging around with fear and depression in the mornings. The last couple of weeks I decided to start doing something that doesn't take a lot of effort or brain activity..so now I get up and start baking to pass the mornings...it's pretty therapeutic punching dough at 9 am..lol. You are Not alone in this!! Keep healing!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Wi...] Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Wow a lot of activity here in a fairly short time. Glad to have found this thread. I'm dealing mostly with early morning despair and mood swings that seem to revolve around stress and fear. Very tired of this and not especially hopeful. I do have good as well as bad, so it could be worse. I'm also learning what parts of me are clearly, to me, parts of having been on benzos for many years and the other parts of me that are simply dysfunctional and a part of my distress and not the result of w/d. Combined, these both make my life very difficult. I just know it takes very little to set off the angst/anxiety/fear/guilt. Trying to live a decent life with a hair trigger takes a lot of effort. Thanks for starting this thread. Glad to have a place, at least for the next four months until I "graduate" once again. Sad and glad I'm not alone in this... WWWI Yep, the mornings are still nipping at my ankles. I keep telling myself it's the high cortisol...I think it is in my case..by afternoon and late evenings especially..I start feeling better. I hate slogging around with fear and depression in the mornings. The last couple of weeks I decided to start doing something that doesn't take a lot of effort or brain activity..so now I get up and start baking to pass the mornings...it's pretty therapeutic punching dough at 9 am..lol. You are Not alone in this!! Keep healing!! That was very kind thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[pe...] Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 I'm kind of with Green. Except I am lurking! I don't understand myself. Things are so much better, yet the constant symptoms have me so discouraged. Tomorrow I go back to the neurologist to get some answers (aka: cry in her office). Anybody know about dopamine (d2) receptors? Do those heal, bounce back too? Hmm...... Peace2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[be...] Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 I'm kind of with Green. Except I am lurking! I don't understand myself. Things are so much better, yet the constant symptoms have me so discouraged. Tomorrow I go back to the neurologist to get some answers (aka: cry in her office). Anybody know about dopamine (d2) receptors? Do those heal, bounce back too? Hmm...... Peace2 Peace, I don't know a darn thing about dopamine but I have read stories on hear that the receptors do heal. I know a little bit about the up and down regulating of the d2 receptors The depression will subside once the receptors unregulate...I think. I've read it all but it's to much for my brain to remember. I don't get into the scientifics of withdrawal, I'm more go with the flow till I heal..don't want to strain the brain any more than it already is. Happy to read things are much better for you. Hope your appointment goes well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[dr...] Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Stop! We all heal Now that that is settled we can all go back to whining about whatever we need to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[pe...] Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Ok, ok, Drew! You are all over me and my worries today! Can't a girl have a little worry? Really, I do appreciate it and I know you're right. Time. Brain. Needs. More. Time. Thanks Beulah. I'm gonna put all my worry in a neat little package and bring it to the doctor to open tomorrow. Poor thing. Later gators. Off to float around my house with my BFF derealization. Peace2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Ko...] Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Thanks Beulah for the comfort words......I'm struggling......this is so hard....so much pain....it wears on one .....scary stuff.... GreenIce ......take care....... Hugs! TM TM- I've got the same symptoms & feelings as you. I notice d you jumped Dec 2013 and so did I. It's so hard to feel we're getting worse when we thought we'd be better by now. I just keep saying to myself I just need more time, I will get better. I know you know this too. Hope we both begin to feel better soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Ko...] Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Marj, On one of your post you said you had muscle tightness all over your body which you thought was brought on by stress. I think it's just the opposite. The pain from the muscle cramping and tightness causes you to feel stress because it's painful and you can't do anything about it, nothing helps. I know I feel stress and frustration when the pain gets really bad. So don't blame yourself. Blame the Benzo. Also, you mentioned you had a Benzo Belly that caused you no pain but was just swollen. I have that too. My understanding is that's what a Benzo belly is, a large extended stomach, like you're pregnant. Also, comes with weight gain. Others have mentioned gastric reflux & pain as Benzo belly, but that's not Benzo Belly, but rather GERD as a withdrawal symptom. My Benzo belly does cause me pain when it gets even more swollen and causes the muscles around it to tighten and contract. I just hope it goes away easily when we get better. I hate walking around looking like I'm pregnant, especially since I'm 70 years old. Hope you begin to feel better soon. Korbe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Te...] Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Kobe.....yes I jumped Dec. 2013.. Idk if the three xanax pills I took in June 2014 messed up with my recovery....I really don't think three pills would change my jumping date....so confused on if three pills hurt me....really don't want to change my jumping date...due to three pills.. I'll be praying for you.....people like you.....help me get though this.....idk what I'd do if I had no one who understands the pain this drug has caused....for sooooo long.....it's like a bad dream... Hope you day is good....I'm hoping for a better one ...yesterday was brutal..... Wishing everyone a great day...... Hugs! TM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Mi...] Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Good Morning All, I had a great day yesterday but really over did it! Things just get so piled up in those wretched waves! Well, I kept really busy yesterday and then last night had a small panic attack I really can't explain it! I just told my husband that I didn't know how to be normal! I thought my heart wasn't beating fast enough. nothing on my body hurt! My throat didn't have this huge lump in it! It was as if breathing was way to easy! My body was to light..... Idk how else to explain it! I started to panic a bit and like swallowing the air! I think I have forgot how to be and feel normal! Does that make any sense to anybody? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Mi...] Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Texas Mama, I don't think you should change your date! I have heard of others having to take a rescue dose in the ER. Or have to take a sedative for a medical procedure! I know my first year in WD I had a surgical procedure. So I was given some kind of sedative the nurse assured me it wasn't a benzo but who knows! And a sedative is a sedative, they are all pretty much the same! In my eyes anyways. It did put me back in acute 3 days later for a few wks, I think my memory is shot! But I wouldn't change my date because of that one procedure! Sending Hugs your way! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Te...] Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Thanks Miss Jen....I tend to agree....it didn't put me back other then lock jaw while asleep...heck doctor gave me samples of generic drug....didn't figure out til my jaw locked.....It was a benzo... On we go....... Hope you have another great day....keep us posted.....love to hear positive things! TM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[No...] Posted September 23, 2015 Author Share Posted September 23, 2015 Well ... Fall is here today ... been in a good place for three or four days know ... sort of tip-toeing around it because I don't want the thin ice to break ... kind of silly really ... Starting month 23 today ... not much more to say about that ... Hope you are all having a decent day ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[No...] Posted September 23, 2015 Author Share Posted September 23, 2015 Green ... take care ... thinking of you ... see you when we see you ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
![[No...]](http://content.invisioncic.com/l325915/monthly_2023_08/Labyrinth.thumb.png.247adda932a126a6dd5872a258488511.png)
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